01x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

I never get to see you like this.

- Like what?

- Like...yourself.

Come on.

- What?

- Show me around.

- Okay.

- Where we at, Claire?

Okay, uh...

Follow me for the grand tour, but first, we gotta get you a costume.

- Oh, thank you, ma'am.

- There you go.

Okay.

Here we have a deer.

- Elk.

- Elk?

- That's an elk.

- Okay, that's an elk.

Oh, well, there's a deer to remind us we're in Texas.

- Don't mess with Texas.

- Um, all right, let's go check out the backyard.

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ You're having a bad dream ♪

♪ Here in my arms ♪

♪ Oh, sugar ♪

- Never want to leave.

♪ You came to me ♪

- Happy birthday.

- Thanks.

♪ Could all be a bad thing ♪

♪ And do you harm ♪

- Delete that video.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, lover ♪

♪ You run from me ♪

Mm.

Can you believe I found this place?

- When'd you book it?

- Mm, couple weeks ago.

- A couple weeks ago?

- Yeah.

- How'd you know when my birthday was?

- 'Cause I'm a mind-reader.

'Cause you told me.

- Did I tell you?

- Yeah.

- Oh.

So, here's to...

the most talented, smartest, kindest, most handsome guy I ever met.

- Please keep going.

- Uh, not to mention the 1375 you got on your SATs.

- Thanks to you.

- I'm so proud of you.

- How'd you keep this-- this whole cooking thing a secret from me for so long?

- I don't know, it's easy.

You know, I also got a lot of practice cooking with my brothers.

- I wish I ate like this when I was a kid.

- What, spaghetti and sauce?

- No, a homecooked meal.

My dad basically took us to McDonald's every night after my mom d*ed.

Oh, my mom was the best cook too.

Everything she made was from scratch.

- You were, like, what, um, nine when she d*ed?

- Yeah, about that.

My mom was so cool.

She was the life of every party.

We used to have these huge barbecues, and she'd have, like, buckets of gin and tonics.

The whole neighborhood would come by.

The house just felt...

I don't know, it felt, like, alive.

And then she got sick.

And then she...got sick again.

Cancer's just the worst.

And then she d*ed.

And, um...

Nate joined the m*llitary, and he shipped off, and then my dad, he started drinking, and...

And I was, like, alone in this...

Um...

incredibly quiet house.

I don't know, sorry, I don't know why I'm getting upset.

- No.

It's fine.

I want to hear.

- Anyway, I tried for a really long time to be perfect, you know?

It was, like, my rebellion, to be the opposite of my dad.

It didn't work.

I was just this, like, walking reminder of what he lost.

You ever think about reaching out to your dad?

- - Are you curious about him?

- Honestly?

No.

I mean, I never knew him, so, really, what's to miss?

- You are the best older brother.

And a really good man.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Snug in.

- Snug in.

- Snug in.

- I like that.

- Yeah.

Come here.

I like the way you smell in the morning.

- I like seeing you in the morning.

You feel any older?

- Years older.

- I'm sorry, I gotta take this.

Hey, honey.

Yeah, the speakers are just okay, but I think it's still worthwhile.

How long did you guys end up practicing for?

Um, yeah, I wouldn't...

Yeah, it's at 4:00, right?

I wouldn't miss your first gig.

Listen, I actually have a curriculum seminar that I gotta hit, so I should-- I should go.

Kay.

Bye, I love you.

Mmm.

Coffee.

Sorry about that.

- It's fine.

- Hey.

What-- come on.

You know I didn't have a choice.

- It's fine.

Okay?

- Stop.

- Take your underwear off.

- What?

- Take your underwear off.

- I'm scared to smoke pot.

- You're scared?

- Don't laugh at me.

- I'm sorry.

Sorry, I just-- I didn't know people like you still existed, to be honest.

- I know, it's so pathetic, right?

- Yeah.

Kind of pathetic.

- Okay, well, technically, I did sort of get stoned when I was, like, 20.

But I thought everybody hated me, and then I peed myself.

Mm.

- I didn't, for the record.

- In that case, I'm gonna shotgun you.

- Do you know what that is?

- No.

- Okay, I'm gonna take a little in, and then I'm gonna blow it to you.

- Like in my mouth?

- Yeah.

- Like we're kissing?

- - Like that, yeah.

- Oh, cool.

- - Okay, ready?

- Uh-huh.

- So?

- I'm a stoner now.

- Mission accomplished.

Give me another shotgun.

All right, come here.

I'm just wondering...

- What were you like in high school?

- So boring.

- - What?

- - Yeah.

- So you're telling me that you didn't have any boyfriends or anything.

- No, I was a virgin until I met Matt in, uh, senior year of college.

- What the f*ck?

No sh*t.

- I know, it's so embarrassing.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Can you pass me those?

- Yeah, yeah.

Here.

- Yeah, so...

it was self-imposed.

Like, I just wanted rules.

I needed rules.

So no drinking, no boys.

Like, I wouldn't even have a-a beer.

I was such a prude.

Okay, how long were you and Alison together?

- Oh, my God.

- What?

Tell me.

like, um...

six months.

- Oh, so, okay.

That's, like, serious, then.

Did you guys say "I love you"?

- I don't know.

- What?

You did!

- No.

- Oh, my gosh.

Oh.

- I was 16, you know?

What did I know?

- Oh, the girls at UT are gonna be all over you.

- - They are.

You have your whole life ahead of you.

You're gonna have so much fun.

- Hmm.

- You are, and you're gonna, like...

have so much sex with so many people.

- - Hey, you want to go into town?

We can go to a bar or something.

- I don't have an ID.

- Oh, right, no.

No, yeah, let's just stay here.

Kay?

- I'm gonna get another.

- Okay.

- Hey.

You okay?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.

- Come on, why are you giving me the silent treatment?

It's our last night together.

Exactly.

It's our last night together.

And tomorrow, you're gonna go back to him, and this will have never happened.

Yeah.

I mean...

This isn't real.

- Of course it is.

- Is that why you're talking about who I'm gonna f*ck when I get to college?

Like, what is this to you?

Is this just some bored housewife sh*t?

- You know that's not true.

You're not gonna want me when you go to college.

You're gonna be done with me.

f*ck, I'm risking my entire life to be with you!

I wish I could just stay here with you, but I-- I can't, and I f*cking feel like a terrible person.

- Hey.

Hey.

- No.

- Hey, hey, hey.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Please stop.

Stop.

Stop.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

I love you.

So much.

- I love you.

- Say it again.

- I love you.

- ♪ All along, it was a fever ♪

♪ A cold sweat, hotheaded believer ♪

♪ I threw my hands in the air ♪

♪ And said, "Show me something" ♪

♪ She said, "If you dare, come a little closer" ♪

♪ Oh, around and around ♪

♪ And around and around we go ♪

♪ Oh, now, tell me now, tell me now ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Not really sure how to feel about it ♪

♪ Something in the way you move ♪

♪ Makes me feel like I can't live without you ♪

♪ Yeah, it takes me all the way ♪

♪ And I want you to stay ♪

Hey.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- It's the birthday boy.

- Yeah.

Devon was sad he missed you on your birthday.

I think he was sadder about missing some birthday cake, so I caved.

I let them each have a piece.

I was hoping you might get home a little earlier.

- Sorry about that.

- It's fine, you were having fun with your friends.

We'll do something tomorrow night, okay?

All right, I gotta go to work.

Um, you were supposed to be home with the boys tonight, but I wanted you to have the night off, so I sent them next door.

- Thanks.

- Happy birthday.

See you later.

- Hello?

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Hi.

sh*t, you smell good.

- Oh, thanks, I showered.

- Oh.

Way to brag.

- How long have you been waiting for a drink?

- Forever.

- So how bad is this gonna be?

- You might know some songs.

They're a cover band.

They do, like, Neil Young, Talking Heads, Wilco.

- Oh, boy.

- - No, it's-- that sounds pretty good.

- Thanks for coming.

- Excuse me?

She's looked me in the face, like, five times.

- Yeah, me too.

- f*ck it.

- What the...

- Kathryn!

- Hurry up, bitch!

What're you doing?

Oh, my God.

Okay.

- Oh.

- You are amazing.

- I'm even impressed with myself right now.

- Gimme.

- Oh, it's good.

Mmm.

Oh, so how was your weekend?

- I wish you'd brought limes or something.

- I panicked.

- Uh, it was great.

- Yeah, what did you do?

- I went to a conference in Dallas with some of my old colleagues.

Um...yeah, there were some really interesting keynotes.

- Is that the best you can do?

Come on, that might fool Matt, but doesn't fool me.

- Wha...

- Mm.

You've been glowing recently, Claire, and you sure as sh*t aren't pregnant since you've been chugging this tequila, so I'm, like, 99% sure you're having an affair.

- Oh, my God, stop.

- Come on, there's a reason people have been having affairs since the dawn of time.

How else would you remember you're still alive?

- Were you with a guy this weekend?

I knew it.

Yeah, you were.

- I've never felt this way before.

I've never given myself permission to feel this way.

Yeah, life's too short.

So if you want more than Weezer covers, I don't blame you.

- Uh, it's Wilco.

- Oh.

So who's the guy?

- Mm-mm.

Nope, I can't tell you.

- All right, fine.

At least tell me, how's the D?

- Oh...my God.

The D is great.

- Oh...

- Like, I love it.

Literally love it.

- Yeah.

The lust phase.

I miss that.

He's cute, then?

- He's so cute.

- He's older?

He's younger?

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, sh*t.

- - Oh, my God!

- I know.

- Claire Wilson, yes!

Oh, my God, who is this guy?

- No.

Mm-mm.

- Please?

Please tell me.

- - I can't, no.

- Please.

Please, please.

I promise I won't tell anybody.

Please, please, please.

I promise.

Come on!

Tell me.

Tell me, tell me, tell me...

Oh.

Come on.

Mm...

- It's Eric.

- Who's Eric?

- Eric Walker.

Like, Eric, Eric.

- Come on.

Yes, Eric is cute, but, like, you're kidding.

Like, we get it.

It's, like, lols.

- You're...

You're kidding.

Right?

Claire, oh, my God.

Claire...

Um...

He's your student.

- I--no, I know, but he's 18.

And we're, like-- we're in love with each other.

- He's your student.

Well, wait, Kathryn...

Listen, let me explain, okay?

That's, like, a monumental abuse of power.

You don't under-- you don't understand.

Okay, talk-- talk to me about this.

Please, I...

He's an adult.

Okay?

He's 18.

This is not abuse.

We're in, like, a real relationship.

- Ugh!

- We love each other.

My God, stop it!

I don't want to hear that.

- He's over the age of consent.

- He's a kid.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, you--you basically forced me to say it.

- Claire, what do you want me to do?

I don't have a choice.

I have to report you.

- Please.

Please, no.

That will...

It will literally ruin my life.

- Wow.

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.