07x11 - Room 7

Complete collection of episode scripts for "The Golden Girls" seasons 1-7. Aired: September 1985 to May 1992.*
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Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia live together in Miami and experience the ups and downs of their golden years.
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07x11 - Room 7

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidant

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see

♪ The biggest gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached would say

♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪

Well, I do not believe it.

I simply do not believe it.

What, Blanche?

Oh, Dorothy, I just talked to somebody back home, and they are doin' the most horrible thing.

They are tearin' down the most important building in Blanche Devereaux's family history.

Oh, my God, they're tearing down Mattress World.

Even worse than that.

They are tearin' down the place where I spent my happiest moments as a child.

Oh, I'm sorry, Blanche.

They're tearing down Boys Town.

Dorothy, they are tearin' down Grammy Hollingsworth's plantation.

That beautiful old place is gonna be gone forever.

I used to spend my summers there, and Christmas vacations.

And whenever there was a fight in the house between Big Daddy and Big Mommy...

Big Mommy...

Gee, I don't think I ever knew her name before.

Dorothy, I just don't believe you.

When you were a child, didn't you have some beautiful, fantastic place where you'd go, and it would seem just like a fairyland?

Oh, that's right.

You grew up in Brooklyn.

(SCOFFS)

ROSE: Dorothy, hurry!

It's Sophia.

She's passed out!

What?

Oh!

Oh, my God, Ma!

I don't know what happened.

I came in, she was choking.

This isn't working.

Dorothy?

Dorothy?

Where am I?

ANGEL: Sophia.

Welcome to heaven.

I'm in heaven?

That's right.

"Heaven" heaven?

I went straight to heaven?

No stops?

No purgatory?

Purgatory?

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, you Catholics.

Look, why don't you make yourself comfortable?

I have to prepare for our next arrival, and actually, I'm rather excited.

It's a televangelist.

Why is that exciting?

We've never had one here before.

So this is heaven.

SAL: Sophia!

Sophia!

Hey, who's that?

Who's calling me?

It's me.

You know...

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, Sal, is that you?

Could it possibly be you?

Oh, Sal, please prove to me it's you.

(IMITATING JAMES CAGNEY)

You dirty rat.

You k*lled my brother.

Oh, Sal, it is you!

You always did such a great Cagney.

Sweetheart, how do you feel?

How do I feel?

I feel great.

Hey, this is wonderful.

My bunions don't hurt, my arthritis is gone, and my teeth...

Are teeth!

Here, all the parts work.

Oh, I've missed you.

And I missed you.

I wish you knew how much.

I'm not letting go.

I'm never letting go.

Come on, Rose!

Come on!

I'm trying!

I'm trying!

Well, try harder!

(COUGHING)

There you go, honey.

There you go.

There you go.

Sal?

Sal?

Ma, are you okay?

What happened?

Oh, Ma, you were choking.

You passed out.

Rose saved your life.

But I was in heaven and with your father.

I didn't want to come back.

Thanks for nothing, you nitwit.

Ma, stop that.

Rose did save your life.

Besides, you were not in heaven.

You were probably just dreaming.

You don't believe me.

Your father even sent a message.

I'm sure he did, but right now, you should calm down, Ma.

We can talk about that later.

Fine.

Okay.

If you think that's best.

Oh, Ma.

So, anyway, Dorothy, like I was saying about Grammy's plantation...

Blanche, I cannot believe you!

You said you weren't gonna talk about this till later.

I know, but Ma almost d*ed.

Well, she's got her color back, hasn't she?

Really, Blanche, what could be so important about a building?

I will tell you what is so important.

It was my home away from home as a child.

Especially my bedroom.

Grammy and I would have all our late night talks up there.

And now they're tearin' it down.

Oh, that's terrible.

My Grammy's plantation was the one place I consistently felt loved as a child.

Now they're gonna put a steel ball through her house, through my room.

Oh, don't you see?

It's just like they're killin' a part of me.

Oh, poor, Blanche.

You know, I...

I actually do feel sorry for her.

Oh, yeah, my heart goes out to her, too.

Hello, did I mention I d*ed?

Oh, hi, Ma.

Where you been?

Out.

After yesterday, I decided to take the time and stop and smell the roses.

Ah, that's nice, Ma.

And you know where they have great roses?

At the dog track in Lauderdale.

By the way, your Bonneville shakes when you go over 65.

Ma, you were driving?

What is wrong with you?

What, do you have some sort of a death wish?

No, I have a life wish.

I've seen the white light.

Now that I know there's a place for me on the other side, I'm not gonna live in fear anymore.

Pussycat, what's that on your blouse?

See?

I laugh in the face of death.

(LAUGHING EXAGGERATEDLY)

Ma, stop it.

I don't want to hear about this dream that is making you act reckless.

The doctor says it was a lack of oxygen that made you hallucinate.

All right, I won't tell you what your father said.

I won't say another word.

The light!

The light!

I'm coming to you, Salie!

Ma, enough with the white light.

You are making me crazy.

Well, I'm off to Atlanta.

You're going where?

To Grammy's plantation.

I have to see it one more time.

Sweetheart, wouldn't it better to just let go?

But I can't.

It was hard enough lettin' go when Grammy d*ed.

The family had to sell Grand View, and it got turned into an old bed and breakfast.

But at least I could visit.

And have breakfast.

Thank you, Sophia.

Pancakes, by the looks of it.

Thank you, Sophia.

Honey, you know we'd go with you if it would help, but by tomorrow, Grand View will be gone.

And we'd have to drive all night and stop at a motel, and we all know how you hate to drive.

Well, I found a way around that.

Hey, Blanche, I figured out this treasure map.

It's buried somewhere outside Atlanta.

Let's roll.

ROSE: Let's try it now with Dorothy.

♪ Dorothy, Dorothy, bo-borthy ♪ Bonana fanna fo-forthy ♪ Fee, fy, mo-morthy...

♪ (TIRES SCREECHING)

DOROTHY: Get out, Rose.

This is it, Grand View.

Wow, I've never been to the Deep South before.

Well, let's go back.

Ma, I still cannot believe what you were doing on the interstate.

I was living for the day, pussycat.

You were mooning a chain g*ng!

And did you see the smiles on their faces?

They probably hadn't seen a woman in years.

I guess not.

No, they kept up with us through four warning sh*ts.

Oh, Blanche, you must have so many memories here.

Oh, are you kidding?

I cannot tell you how many Christmases I spent in this place.

Grammy's butler would bring us our eggnog by the hearth, and Grammy and I would sing carols and put out gingerbread men for St.

Nick and...

Oh, and over there would be Grandpappy, drinkin' out of his jug with the X's on it, and wearin' his Santa's beard, and just screamin' at the lawn jockey to do him a little dance.

Oh, Rose, hold me.

Oh, honey.

Can I help you folks?

Uh, look, excuse me, you don't...

you don't really know me.

My name is Blanche Devereaux.

My family used to live here, and I would very much like to see my old bedroom.

It's Room 7.

Oh, please, we came all the way from Miami.

Okay, but you better be quick about it.

We're gonna blow this place up in two hours.

I get to push the plunger, 'cause it's my birthday.

Well, happy birthday.

Thanks.

Come on, girls.

Excuse me, sir, but I d*ed yesterday, and it occurs to me I never experienced Southern food.

So send a possum to Room 7.

And tell my daughter it's chicken.

And Grammy's wind chimes.

Oh, she loved wind chimes.

Had them in every room.

And my balcony.

Oh, I remember as a girl of 10, I used to wander out here, and all the little boys from all around would come and serenade me.

♪ I see London, I see France

♪ I see Blanche's underpants

♪ Rose, hold me.

Oh, honey.

Oh, Blanche, please.

Now, honey, I know it's hard, but we've been here over an hour.

And you've shown us the balcony, you've shown us the wind chimes, you've shown us the seven places you lost your virginity.

Blanche, please, it's getting late.

Dorothy's right.

You really have had a chance to say goodbye.

But I can't.

I can't say goodbye.

Oh, Blanche.

Oh, Dorothy, I...

I know that there's somethin' I haven't told you about this room.

Somethin' I haven't said, because I was afraid you'd think I was weird.

My Grammy, she's in this room.

Hey, man, cool.

Oh, Blanche, come on.

You only think she's here.

You and Grammy spent a lot of time here, and the memories are so alive.

Of course you can...

You can almost feel her here.

Right, Rose?

Well, she's not under the bed.

Dorothy, I know it sounds odd, but this is the room where Grammy and I used to have all of our heart-to-hearts.

I would snuggle up in one of her homemade afghans, and whatever problems I had in life, she would make right.

And then after she d*ed, she started coming to me here, and the talks didn't stop.

And she's not in the closet.

Okay, folks, that's it.

Get out or get blown up.

Dorothy, all of my life she's been helpin' me!

All of my life!

And I just don't know what I would do without her.

Blanche, what are you doing?

If they're gonna blow this place up, they're gonna do it with me in it.

Oh, now, come on.

Blanche, this is ridiculous.

You can't stay here all night.

You're gonna have to eat sometime.

Oh, this is where you don't know me, Dorothy.

I can go for days without food, if that's what it takes.

Oh, come on, Blanche.

You've been known to debone a chicken from across the room.

You know, Blanche, when my father d*ed, I heard his voice, too, or what I thought was his voice.

Honey, it happens to everybody.

It's wishful thinking.

We want to hear them, so we do.

You don't believe that Grammy's here, that she talks to me.

Of course I do, sweetheart.

(IMITATING SOUTHERN ACCENT)

Blanche, this is your Grammy.

Y'all get yourself out of here, you dumb peckerwood.

Oh, I heard it that time, too.

Feets, don't fail me now!

How dare you mock my Grammy?

Oh, Blanche, honey, you've lost the battle, but at least you can still come here and visit the grounds.

It won't be the same.

Dorothy, they're gonna build a cheap motel here.

You'll be back.

And you can look at these magnificent magnolias, and stroll that beautiful hillside and...

Ma?

Ma, what the hell are you doing on the roof?

SOPHIA: Living for the day, pussycat.

I never jumped into a haystack before.

Ma!

Geronimo!

My God!

Dorothy, is she okay?

Yeah, I think so.

Rose broke her fall.

Rose, are you okay?

ROSE: Charlie?

Charlie, is that you?

Great, another one who hears voices.

That's it.

I've had it.


My mother is impossible.

You are impossible.

You can just rot here for all I care.

I do wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt.

Why can't you give me the benefit of logic?

Look, Blanche, I'm not saying you're crazy, but places, smells, sounds, they're all very powerful suggestions.

I mean, isn't it possible this is all your imagination, Blanche?

(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)

Blanche?

Fine.

How long do you think you can stay handcuffed?

My personal best is 32 hours.

But of course, then I had somebody to play with.

Blanche, I want to be here when the dynamite goes off.

I want to ride the rocket with you.

Sophia, I just wonder if maybe Dorothy's right.

Could this whole Grammy thing be somethin' I just talked myself into believing?

Some kind of childhood nonsense?

Dorothy doesn't understand about these things.

You know, her father sent her a very special message, and she doesn't even want me to tell her about it.

You can tell me about it, Sophia.

Really?

Oh, yes, I'd love to hear it.

Picture it.

Heaven.

Two days ago.

I'm holding onto Sal, telling him I'll never let go, when who shows up...

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Uh-oh.

What is it?

What's going on?

You're not gonna believe this, Sophia, but...

God, Sophia.

Sophia, God.

Wow, now I see where Jesus got those eyes.

(SHUSHING)

He's talking.

Yeah, yes, I understand, God.

I know these things happen.

What?

Well, if you want.

(IMITATING JAMES CAGNEY)

You dirty rat.

Sal, you look so sad.

What's wrong?

God says it's not your time yet.

You gotta go back, Sophia.

But I wanna be with you.

I don't wanna go back.

He pretty much gets his way in these things.

Besides, someone's got to take care of little spumoni-face.

Who?

Dorothy.

When I worked late, I'd come home, we had our little secret ice cream club, and that was the nickname I gave her.

And what was her nickname for you?

Favorite parent.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

It's time, Sophia.

Do I have to?

Don't be so sad.

We'll be together again.

I love you, Sal.

And I love you.

And tell my little spumoni-face something.

I'm proud of her.

(SHOUTING)

You're right, Blanche, these naked Southern guys sure can dance.

I don't think she's coming down, Rose.

You know, I have a good mind to just strand her here.

Can you believe that woman?

Hey, Dorothy, have you seen this yet?

B.H.?

B.H.

Blanche Hollingsworth.

Oh, Blanche must have written this when she was a little girl.

(CHUCKLING)

Can you imagine Blanche as a little girl, running and skipping all through this house, so carefree?

I can almost hear her laughing.

You know, I...

I can almost feel her spirit here.

And if I can feel her spirit here, then why is it so ridiculous that Blanche feels the spirit of her grandma upstairs?

And is it such a leap of faith to believe that Ma was in the white light?

I mean, why am I making it such a crusade not to believe either one of them?

What am I, just an ostrich with its head in the ground?

A narrow-minded ostrich, who...

Who only believes what she can see and feel and touch?

Oh, Rose.

Simple Rose.

Rose, you are so wise.

Actually, I spoke with the demolitions guy.

B.H.

stands for "Blast here." Okay, boys, upstairs we go.

Wait a minute.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Now look, I'm a patient man, but your friend is trespassing, and I'm having her hauled out of here.

Let's go, boys.

You hold it!

I'm not gonna let you do this.

Blanche is in a very fragile state up there.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you treat her like a common criminal.

Dorothy, it's all right.

I'm...

I'm coming down.

Blanche.

You're out.

Blanche, what happened?

What changed your mind?

Grammy came.

She told me it was time.

Are you okay, honey?

Oh, yeah.

We had a wonderful visit.

Oh, excuse me, sir, but do you mind if I take a souvenir?

Go ahead.

You got a lot of sweet memories here.

I had a Grammy once, myself.

Okay, boys, let's go celebrate my birthday.

Blanche, you need a minute to say goodbye?

Thanks.

(LITTLE GIRL GIGGLING)

♪ ...beer on the wall

♪ Three bottles of beer on the wall

♪ Three bottles of beer

♪ Take one down, pass it around

♪ Two bottles of beer on the wall ♪

Well, I'm off to bed.

"Two bottles of beer"?

Rose, you get all the way to two bottles of beer and you quit?

Just drives you nuts, doesn't it, Dorothy?

Oh, what a wonderful ride home.

I bet there must've been a million stars up in the sky.

And I got to spend it all with my friends.

Well, good night.

Well, whatever happened up in that room sure did her a world of good.

Excuse me?

Well, it's just that I've...

I've never seen her like this.

She must have had a really great experience.

Oh, Blanche has a great experience, but your mother is a nut.

Ma, I never said that.

Then why won't you talk to me about the white light?

It scares me, all right?

It makes me feel like you're embracing death, and I don't want to see that.

I want you to rail against it, Ma.

I said I wasn't scared of dying anymore.

I didn't say I was ready to die.

Look, Dorothy, you don't have to believe all of this, but stop trying to take it away from me.

I'm going to bed.

Good night, spumoni-face.

What did you call me?

Spumoni-face.

Wow.

I mean, I...

I haven't heard that since I was seven years old.

Oh, Ma, come on, this is crazy.

I probably told you sometime and just forgot.

He says he's proud of you, Dorothy.

Ma, I just don't understand all this.

I mean, maybe there is a whole lot I don't know.

Supernatural things, hard-to-believe strange things that...

That do happen.

Probably more than any of us knows.

What do you say we throw a sheet over our heads and go scare Rose?

Right!

(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)

Good night, Grammy.

(SIGHS)

(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)

It's time to sleep, honey.

Some of us are still alive and need our beauty sleep.

Be quiet, Grammy!

(TINKLING STOPS)

(SIGHS)

(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)

Peckerwood?

(SCOFFS)
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