02x09 - CD-ROM + Hoagie Foil

Episode transcripts for the TV show "MacGyver". Aired: September 2016 to present.*
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"MacGyver" centers around Angus "Mac" MacGyver, who creates a secret U.S. government organization where he uses his extraordinary talents for problem solving and his extensive knowledge of science to save lives. A reboot of the 1985–1992 ABC series of the same name.
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02x09 - CD-ROM + Hoagie Foil

Post by bunniefuu »

You know this is a kid's game, right?

Not when you're throwing it behind your back, it isn't.

Ooh, look at that.

670 points, that's an all-new personal best.

I'd celebrate with you, but I still got a few balls left here.

And it's not just a kid's game, okay?

Sign above the door says, "fun for all ages."

Besides, I got to enjoy all this before the hammer drops.

You know, crape diem and all that stuff.

It's carpe diem, Jack.

And what hammer are you talking about?

What's going on, why are you checking your phone?

Come on, Riley, I've seen a lot of things in my lifetime...

Except for Dollyworld, I still want to see that...

But never thought I'd actually see the day when you invited me to Pizza Paradise.

What's up?

Well, today's that special day, Jack.

Let's just enjoy it, you know?

Crape diem.

Yeah, no doubt, but pizza talks are kind of my thing, so you bringing me here means you're buttering me up for some bad news, like, hammer-dropping bad news.

So, just... lay it on me.

Okay.

But you got to promise not to go all Jack Dalton on me.

I don't even know what that means.

Means don't freak out.

That's like asking Chewie not to go Wookiee when you b*at him at monster chess.

Just, it's okay.

Just lay it on me.

Okay.

It's-it's my dad.

Elwood, he's... he's back.

Hmm. He wants a second chance.

Oh. Don't you mean another second chance?

And another and another.

How many times is that now, Riley, huh?

You want me to tell you?

Oh, you don't have to tell me, Jack.

Trust me, it was my childhood, remember?

So, that's why you've been acting weird the last couple of days?

That's why.

I should have told you sooner, but I didn't want you to get all worked up before I figured out what I wanted to do, you know?

And what do you want to do?

I spent some time with him.

He seems different.

More different than the other times he said he was different and wasn't, so... Right.

I want to give him a second chance.

Well, I think that's awesome.

He's your old man, you should.

And you ain't got but one. Yeah.

But, just remember that-that I'm here for you, whatever you need, you know?

I'm so glad you told me that, Jack, because what I need you to do is stay out of it.

Okay?

I'm not a kid anymore.

I can handle Elwood on my own.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

Not a problem, not my business, I got it.

This time around... good old Jack's just a spectator.

Okay?

Jack.

Long time.

Not nearly long enough, Elwood.

I've been hoping to see you for a long time so I could say something right to your face.

Thanks.

For what?

For what you did last time I saw you.

You kicked my ass.

You gave me the wake-up call I needed.

I was a terrible husband and...

And father.

And father.

I was a bad guy all around.

Mm. Till you, uh, till you got through to me.

That was years ago.

Elwood, if everything's changed, what took you so long to reach out to her?

I didn't want to come back until I was sure I wouldn't let her down again.

Elwood, there's so much I want to say to you, man, but I'll keep it simple.

If you hurt Riley again in any way, the next time you see me...

I'll be giving you a lot more than a wake-up call.

Hey, Jill. Could you do me a favor?

Whoa, is this film? Like, film film?

Yeah, any chance that you could restore it?

I mean, working with silver halide crystals isn't really my specialty, especially severely damaged silver halide crystals, but I'll see what I can do.

Thank you. Yo!

Goldilocks!

Do I need to send you a personalized invitation?

No, Matty, I'll be right in.

Uh, this isn't Phoenix-related, this is personal, so, whenever you're done restoring it, you just return it to me.

Sure, but "restoring" may be a bit generous.

This is in really bad shape. I know.

Just do your best. Thanks.

So glad you can join us.

Sorry to interrupt your busy schedule with a matter of national security.

Got something you want to say, Jack?

No.

Maybe.

I just love it when someone other than me's in the doghouse, that's all.

You know what? I take it back.

Don't say anything. Just listen.

Last month, 50 canisters of VX nerve gas were discovered in a bunker in Bulgaria.

U.S. forces seized them and sent them back to the States, earmarked for destruction. Unfortunately, only 49 of them were actually destroyed.

Let me guess. Number 50 went missing.

Yeah. Ooh.

Ooh, that's no bueno.

No bueno doesn't even begin to describe it, Jack.

I've seen what VX can do up close last year in a Syrian village.

First, it just looks like you caught a cold.

Runny nose, shortness of breath.

Then the muscle spasms start...

And they don't stop until you either get treatment or die.

Well, do we have a suspect? We don't need suspects when we know who did it.

Meet Dr. Ian Carson.

The technician tasked with destroying the VX.

But instead of completing his job, he put the missing canister up for sale on the black market.

Guess he was looking to finance his retirement.

Looks like the good doctor is gonna be spending his retirement in the supermax. He sure will.

Phoenix TAC teams are en route to sweep him up.

Okay. Where's the canister now?

We tracked it to Carson's lab, which brings us to your assignment.

Go get me number 50 before it falls into the wrong hands.

That's it? That's the mission? Really?

Steal a can of VX soda from an unguarded freezer?

It's too easy. You want me to hop on one leg?

We're talking about a canister of deadly nerve gas, Jack, not Mountain Dew pretty delicate situation here.

I know that. Yes, ma'am. Are you sure?

What do you want me to do, start crying about it?

That ain't gonna do anybody any good.

And I want an apology right now, eye-to-eye.

Dissing the Dew.

You know how much I love that stuff.

No?

Let me guess, I'm in the doghouse again.

You can take solace in the fact that you never really left.

Riley, you're here with me.

Mac, Jack, Cage, you're in the field.

Now, go.

No, no, no!

I've had enough of your stalling!

You're gonna tell me what I want to know now or this is going to a whole other level.

That means no more questions, just a lot of pain.

You understand me?

Bozer, stop yelling.

I can't stop yelling, Leanna.

Not until you give me what I want.

I don't like this any more than you do, but there are people who will ruin my life if you don't give me that word.

Is that what you want, Leanna?

You want to ruin my life? No.

I mean... I don't know anymore.

Okay?

I just know that I want this to be over.

I really want this to be over.

Well done, Ms. Martin.

You'll make an excellent spy yet.

Despite some intense social pressure techniques by Mr. Bozer, you went 24 hours without giving up your code word.

She was about to, though.

You know she was.

Do I get partial credit?

Partial credit does not exist in the field, Mr. Bozer, so partial credit does not exist in training.

Great job. I'm impressed.

That was the longest day of my life.

I didn't really know what to expect from interrogation training, but I never thought it'd be this intense.

Ms. Martin, you have three hours.

Shower, nap, grab a bite, whatever you want.

Time is yours.

Then it's your turn to ask the questions and Mr. Bozer will take his turn in the chair.

I'm about to give you your code word.

Do not, under any circumstances, reveal this word.

If you do, your career in the Clandestine Services is over.

So, no pressure, right?

What's the word?

Guillotine.

Well, that's not foreboding at all.

Hey, man.

You ready?

Good luck.

Time starts now.

Getting hungry.

Getting hungry.

Hey, you know what we should've done?

Brought some snacks.

Should've known this was gonna take forever.

It's a brute force code breaker.

It's trying every possible number combination in succession.

We knew this was gonna take awhile.

Brute force? You want to see brute force?

Let me sh**t the lock off that thing, go a whole lot faster.

And if you accidentally hit the canister of VX gas, you and Mac will be a whole lot deader.

Yeah, well, it wouldn't be boring.

I'm bored.

I don't do bored well.

Really? Hadn't noticed.

Okay, I got another one. You ready?

If you could have a meal right now, with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? Go.

Okay. Erwin Schrodinger.

Who...

Erwin Schrodinger.

Living or dead?

Actually, kind of both.

He was an Austrian physicist who, uh...

I don't care. Living or dead, please...

Why do you got to sprinkle nerd juice over every single game we play?

Okay...

What about you?

"What about me" what?

Who would you have lunch with?

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's easy, man.

Han Solo. Boom.

I thought the person had to be living or dead, Jack.

Well, Han Solo totally lives.

Just a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Guys, I just lost satellite feed of your location.

Can you switch satellites?

I tried, but... the only other one in the area's been knocked out too.

Hey, I've got a van parking outside the building.

No license plate.

Can you see the driver?

Yeah. And all his buddies.

Sending pics to Phoenix now.

Mac, Jack, you've got what looks like a heavily armed merc squad heading your way.

We need that freezer open ASAP.

Yeah, is there any way to get your pencil pusher to push those pencils any faster?

Short answer: No.

Okay. Well, looks like we're gonna have to do this the Jack Dalton way.

Step aside.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I used the photos Cage sent to ID our uninvited guests.

That's Dev Singh.

He's ex-MARCOS.

Spent some time as a freelance merc.

Now he works for Annisa Chandra.

She's an Indonesian extremist.

Yikes.

She's been linked to the m*rder of a dozen police in Bali, at least four bombings in Jakarta.

Yeah, I know her work.

And I'm not a fan.

She must've heard that the VX was up for sale, sent her mercs in to steal it.

If there's anything Annisa Chandra should not have, it's this.

Good thing we got it first.

CIA's been trying to shut down her group for over a decade.

This may be the best sh*t we ever get at her.

Mac, put that canister back.

Let Chandra's people take it.

I'm sorry. Did you, uh... did you say "put it back"?

Yes.

I know how dangerous a move this is.

But with an actionable lead on Chandra, this is the play.

She must have a plan to deploy it.

Which means that if the mercs find the VX missing, they'll bail on their objective and go dark.

But... if we let them steal the VX, they'll proceed according to plan, and we can track them back to Chandra and sweep up her whole operation.

For the record: This plan sucks.

Matty, are you sure about this?

I am.

Put that canister back, now.

We're not gonna have time to break into the freezer again, Matty.

Three, zero, one, nine, two.

I memorized the code.

Nice.

Okay, let's go.

How are we doing, guys?

We have company, but at least we put the VX back.

Maybe we should we loan them your pencil thingy.

Okay, Matty.

Chandra's guys have the super deadly nerve gas, so I guess everything's going according to plan.

You're not the only one that gets to come up with crazy plans, blondie.

The VX is a big thr*at, but Chandra is a much bigger one.

An FYI, we could still get that nerve gas back if you change your mind. We could take them.

No.

Give the mercs plenty of space.

This whole plan goes belly up if you're spotted.

Oh, we're giving them plenty of space. So much space, I don't see how we're gonna follow them.

You're not.

Cage, you still got eyes on the VX?

Yeah. And the gentlemen stealing it.

Good. Stay on the VX, and don't take your eyes off of it.

Mac, Jack, find another ride and then catch up with Cage.

Ooh. You mean steal a car. I like that.

Oh, and from here on, no comms.

These guys k*lled our satellites and our lab's security cameras within seconds. They're pros.

We can't risk them scanning radio channels and picking up our chatter.

Copy that. We're going dark.

Actually, they can't monitor the entire cellular network.

It's way too big.

Which means we can use standard phones, and I can track your cell signals.

Let's do that.

I really hope this works, boss.

And I said "You know what, Bob? I don't like your face.

So now the price is double."

You should've seen his expression. It was...

Oh, man, I'm sorry. My bad.

Watch it, Gramps. You almost made me drop my phone.

Yeah, well, two left feet. You know how it is. And "Gramps" is a little strong, but you have a nice day anyway, okay?

Whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, Mac, please tell me your little doodad isn't working.

I want to steal this car old-school style and send this punk to the dentist right now.

Sorry to disappoint you, but my little doodad... worked just fine. The car is unlocked and idling.

So it looks like no "punks" are going to the dentist today.

The day is still young.

All right. Thanks to Riley, we are now tracking Cage's cell signal.

Looks like she's just over five miles ahead of us.

Well, not for long.

Give me all you got, lady.

Nothing you throw at me is gonna stick.

I'm like Teflon.

Except my coating isn't poisonous, and doesn't slough off a little in your food every time you cook in me.

Wait, just the first part.

The second part is something my homeboy always say when I make omelets. I...

Is someone getting a little woozy?

Lack of food and sleep will do that to you.

How about I get you something to eat?

Nah, I'm good.

Eating is for chumps.

You sure? Not even a burger from that place you like in town?

Kobe beef, thick slice of cheese, and all those grilled onions?

It's gonna take a lot more than the promise of a burger, even an insanely delicious burger, to break me.

What else you got?

Hey, so...

I know this is bad timing, but... all this talk about food, it's got me thinking.

You know, maybe, while this is over, we can go grab a burger.

Together.

Wait.

Are we...?

Is this part of the...

Look, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but... everyone else has already given up their code word.

So we can stop this whenever you want, and you'll just get second place, right behind me.

That doesn't sound so bad, does it?

That sounds... just like lesson four from our interrogation seminar:

"Offer Incentives and Remove Obstacles."

You want to break me?

You're gonna have to raise your game.

Remember.

You asked for it.

So I overheard Riley.

Is her dad back in the picture?

That's up to her. She asked me to stay out of it.

How long did that last before you were at his front doorstep, accosting him?

Oh, about 30 minutes.

Would've taken 15, but there was a car wreck on Sunset.

Well, you are nothing if not consistent.

How did that go?

Honestly? I don't know, man.

I-It was weird.

You know, he actually thanked me for tuning him up all those years ago?

He was glad you b*at him up?

Yeah. Yeah, that's what he said.

Must've hit him a lot harder than I remember, or something.

I'm guessing Riley doesn't know about this visit?

Oh, hell no.

No, she would m*rder me and feed me to her dog.

Huh. She has a dog?

No, but she'd get one just for this.

What about your whole "I hate secrets" thing?

What about it? I do hate secrets.

When I'm not in them.

Do you think her dad's changed?

Well, he better hope so, for his sake.

But in my experience, leopards don't change their stripes.

You know it's tigers...

I know. I know that. I'm just getting you riled up.

Relaxes me.

What are you doing here?

You can't just show up unannounced.

Not exactly the hello I was hoping for.

I know I should've called. I'm sorry.

I wanted to, uh, surprise you.

Check out the think t*nk where my daughter works.

Pretty cool.

So proud of you.

Hey. I brought you something.

A photo album?

Yeah. I put that together years ago, when you were a kid.

Found it when I was cleaning out my old place.

Thought you might like it.

I didn't know you kept stuff like this.

Even though I didn't always act like it, you, uh, always meant the world to me, kiddo.

I was, uh, I was hoping, maybe if you had time later, you'd let your old man take you out for some dinner?

I'm kind of busy.

Got a lot of work to do.

Got it.

Let me know if your schedule, you know, opens up.

Okay.

All right.

Good to see you. Yeah.

Hey, um... if things settle down around here, I'll text you about dinner.

Sounds good.

Okay.

You okay?

Yeah, sorry, I stepped out. I...

Had a visitor. I know.

That's why I'm asking if you're okay.

We just lost Cage's cell signal.

Can you get it back?

I don't think so. I think her phone is off.

Guys, find Cage now.

Matty. Yeah, it's Jack. We found Cage's car, but it's Swiss cheese, man.

She is MIA.

So, now the mercs have Cage and the nerve gas, and we have no idea where they are.

Riley, I need my satellites up, I need my eye in the sky, and I need it now.

I just found a hardwired security camera across the street from Cage's last-known position.

This is from ten minutes ago.

Guys, they're heading north.

Go get Cage.

My patience is wearing thin.

If you want what's in my head, putting a b*llet in it isn't gonna help.

So why don't you holster that g*n, and we can trade intel?

I'll tell you who I work for, and you can tell me when you plan on releasing the gas in Grand Central Station.

Who told you our plan? You did.

Just now.

Bag full of New York City subway cards, and, no offense, but you don't seem like the sightseeing type.

So, if the subway is your target, I figure you'll go big.

Either Penn Station or Grand Central.


50/50 odds... I took a guess.

Perhaps I should find you front row seats in Grand Central.

Your thr*at holds no weight.

The canister, the one you stole, it's a fake.

You expect me to believe that?

I'm freelance, just like you.

And when my employer heard about the VX, she sent my team in to steal it.

But you were too late.

Actually, we got there first.

My boss decided she wanted Chandra and the gas.

So we stole the real gas and let you steal the fake.

Why? So that we could track you back to whatever hole you crawled out of and take out the competition.

Don't believe me? cr*ck it open, take a whiff.

Or wait and see what Chandra does to you when you release a canister of harmless argon gas in Grand Central Station.

Why are you telling me all this?

I hear Chandra pays her operators very, very well.

A lot more than my current boss does.

I'm looking to make a change.

Matty, we're northbound.

No sign of Cage yet.

What is it? Nothing.

Come on, man, what is it?

It's... it's Jill.

She's having trouble processing the film I found in my dad's cabin.

What film?

Oh, come on, man. I thought we agreed there'd be no Lone-Rangering while we searched for your dad.

You know the Lone Ranger had a sidekick, right?

You do realize you're making my point for me, right?

Come on, Mac, even the Lone Ranger needed help.

And so do you, if you'd just ask for it.

I would have, but you were a little busy helicopter-parenting Riley.

Besides, I didn't think I was gonna find anything useful.

Which is always the moment you find something useful.

Yeah. Still could be nothing.

Although rolls of 8mm film do not hide themselves, do they?

No, they do not.

And that might be the reason somebody b*rned down your dad's cabin, to destroy whatever secrets that film had on it.

It might be the key to finding your pops.

It might be.

But first things first.

We get Cage and that VX back, then we figure out who b*rned down Daddy's cabin, and we'll go pay them a little visit, all right?

All right, sounds good.

You know, the longer you take debating whether you trust me or not, the further away the real VX gets.

We're not debating. We don't trust you.

Yeah, well, you should, because I'm the only person who can get you the gas.

The real gas. So you let me go, I'll get the gas, I'll bring it to you.

Call it my buy-in to my new employer's group.

You must think I'm quite stupid.

How do I know you'll bring me the VX gas?

Because if I don't, Chandra will k*ll us both.

So, do we have a deal or not?

Guys, good news, Riley got our satellite back up.

Well, kind of just hacked into someone else's.

Potato, po-tah-to, Ri. Good work.

We still on the mercs' tail? Yeah.

If Jack keeps driving that fast, you should have eyes on the mercs and the VX in a few minutes.

Cage, you all right?

I'm fine.

Wait, you just got Cage back?

Yeah, I kind of got myself back.

That's... very impressive, but where's the can of Mountain Dew?

You have it.

Or at least, that's what the mercs think.

Wait, you convinced them that the canister they stole is a fake?

I did.

It's not like they can cr*ck it open and double-check, can they?

And so now you're supposed to bring them the real one?

I've got 30 minutes till they send coordinates for the meet.

And so now, we just need a fake canister convincing enough to fool these guys.

Jack, can you get started on that?

Kidding.

Blondie, do your thing.

You look terrible.

Thank you.

I feel terrible, but I bet I'm in a better mood than you.

You've been gone for so long you must be just about out of time by now.

I am.

And that's why it's time to change tack.

I hope you understand.

What are you doing?

Raising my game. Leanna, don't do this.

Then don't make me.

Crossing a line.

Guard!

Guard!

Officer Glover!

This has to be against the rules.

You and I both know that in this game, there are no rules.

Leanna... don't do this.

Tell me your code word and I won't.

Then you leave me with no choice.

911, what's your emergency?

Please, we need help.

I don't want to play the rest of this.

But I will, if you don't give me your code word.

It's your choice, Bozer.

I'll give you some time to decide.

Uh... yeah, got everything here I need to make fake VX gas.

What's it gonna be really?

Homemade tear gas.

Ah, perfect.

Yeah, it should work great.

So, when you get the real VX, signal me I'll trigger the tear gas and then Jack and I will swoop in with the cavalry.

Oh, there's gonna be cavalry?

Yes, there is.

Well, if Jack can convince the local SWAT team to give us a hand, then, yes.

Uh, all jokes aside, this is going to work.

I've got your back.

Did we make a decision?

Please.

Don't do this.

It's not up to me, Bozer.

All you have to do is tell me one word.

Can't do that.

911, what's your emergency?

Please, we need help.

Can you tell me what happened?

It was an accident. Please.

My little brother, he's bleeding!

Your brother's hurt?

He's not moving!

Please, help me.

Please, Bozer.

Just say the word and it'll all be over.

It was my little brother's birthday.

My mom went to pick up the cake.

We were playing.

I don't know how he got it, it was always locked up, but... but there it was.

First I thought it was a toy...

...only it was so big in his little hand.

And as he got closer, I realized it was my father's g*n.

He started chasing me with it...

...pretending to be a policeman.

And then he tripped.

I had never heard anything that loud before in my life.

Or seen that much blood.

Congratulations.

You got me to do something I haven't done since that day...

...talk about Josh's death.

But I want you to know, no matter what else happens in here...

I'm never giving you that code word.

Excellent work, Mr. Bozer.

You passed.

Are you sure we're in the right spot...

Only as sure as you asked me the last time.

Okay.

She's literally standing on the coordinates the mercs sent.

That's it.

Okay, let's boogie. I don't want to lose her a second time.

Okay, guys. I got ears on Cage.

I opened up the mic on her cell phone.

Okay, Mac, SWAT team's in position, now what?

Nobody moves until we get confirmation from Cage that she's secured the real gas.

All right.

Kept my end of the bargain.

What time are we hitting Grand Central?

There's been a slight change of plans.

Since you guessed our target, Chandra's picked a new one.

Wait a second. What?

VX gas... it's, it's water-soluble.

This place supplies all the water to New York City.

So they're gonna deploy that nerve gas right here, right now?

Hey, be ready, boys. We're about to jump.

No offense, but we don't trust you, not yet.

So, just to be safe, we're going to drop both canisters into the water.

That way, no matter what, the real VX gets into New York's water supply.

Albatross.

That's the signal.

SWAT, go now, now, now.

Tear gas. It's a fake.

Drop your weapons. Hands in the air!

Get down on your knees now!

Mac!

Mac!

Hey.

What the hell are you doing? It's leaking.

Then get out of there.

It's too late. I'm already exposed.

All right. Step back.

Wait, wait, wait. Break the glass, we all die.

And the VX could get in the water.

He'll think of something.

Now what are you doing?

Adrenaline. Injury releases adrenaline in the body, which can slow the effects of the gas.

He's buying himself time.

I'm gonna make a vent hood, like the ones in every laboratory ever built.

Won't that just spread the gas to the air above the plant?

No. Sewer gas lines are already set up to safely dispose of methane.

They push the gas through an industrial flare.

I'm gonna use that same system...

...to ignite the VX gas and burn it off before it can disperse.

See?

It's working.

Come on, man.

Now, how the hell did you survive locking yourself in a room full of nerve gas?

Aah, I didn't.

It takes 18 hours to k*ll you, so I need to get to a hospital now.

Hey.

Hey.

You're becoming a regular here.

I should ask if they have a loyalty card.

I'm, like, two punches away from a free kidney.

You okay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, Matty and I flipped the mercs we captured at the plant.

As we speak, Phoenix agents are rounding up.

Chandra's whole group, including the queen bee herself.

That's great.

You know, Mac, what you did back there, that was a hell of a gamble.

Occupational hazard.

I got to get that. I'll be right back.

I'm glad you're feeling okay.

Look at you.

Oh, my goodness.

Do I know you?

No, but I know you, tough guy.

Why are you following.

Elwood Davis?

That's none of your business.

I suggest you get that g*n out of my face before I make you eat it.

Well, if you want him dead, you're gonna have to get in line.

See you around, Jack.

You're leaving?

Look, I know the purpose of the interrogation test was to simulate a real-world situation in the life of a spy and you were well within your rights to do whatever it took to get me to cr*ck.

But if this is the game...

I don't think I want to play.

But you won that game.

I hit you with the worst thing imaginable and you didn't break.

You're made for this work, Bozer.

Please.

Stay.

I don't want you to go.

What?

Matty?!

No, no, no no, no, no, no!
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