03x07 - Projection

[bunniefuu]

Rachel? What the hell's going on?

Just getting my father
away from his jailor.

And if you follow us,
I'm gonna go to the police.

JAY: You cannot wean your dad
off of lithium

- here in a grip truck.
- Okay, look.

He should've never been on
those meds in the first place.

- My God, you're gorgeous.
- [LAUGHS]

- This is Riley...
- Oh.

...my baby girl.

This is what $ , looks like.

I need you to know that that bet,

none of it means anything
compared to you.

Why so sad?

- Sissy no bounce?
- We broke up.

This is what always
makes me feel better.

This Emmy thing...
I think this is my one sh*t

at leaving a legacy to my son,

who I'll probably never see again.

You can win an Emmy.
You can see your son.

But you have to fight.

You stay right where you are.
Don't you come near me.

I see you. What are you doing to her?

- I tried to protect you.
- Dad.

- I couldn't protect you before.
- Dad, it's okay.

Sweetheart, it happened in my house!

It should've been the safest
place of all for you.

It's okay. Come on, Dad.

It's too much, Rach.

No, it's fine, Dad, really.

It's what you need.

♪♪

Hey, Dad. How's it going?

It's going good.

Well, it's just going like
yesterday, I guess.

I know I've been calling a lot.

I'm worried about you.

No, don't... don't do that.

You know, everybody says I'm...

I'm taking very well
to the titrating, so...

I'm gonna be off these dr*gs
before you know it.

That's great.
Dad, no, that's really good.

A-And what do they say? Do they
say, like, a few more weeks?

Uh... yeah.

Rach, I don't know. I, uh...

No, look, Dad. Listen to me. I do, okay?

I talked to your doctor, and
he completely agrees with me.

You never should've been
on lithium in the first place.

Just hang in there, okay?

Yeah, okay.

All right. I'll call you again tomorrow.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, too, sweetheart.

[CLICK]

- [PANTING]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Are you okay?

Yeah.

- Did you talk to your dad?
- I did.

He seems a little bit lonely,

but I really think he's doing great.

- Good.
- Mm-hmm.

'Cause it's hometown dates.

- You sure you're up for this?
- %.

[PANTING CONTINUES]

[MOANING]

Great.

[PANTING QUICKENS]

And...

- [GRUNTS LOUDLY]
- ...there you go.

♪♪

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

Hmm.

[DOOR OPENS]

♪ I'm going down, deeper still ♪

Oh. Hi.

Mm-hmm.

Oh. Okay.

Now, I know I don't play for this team,

but damn if I don't appreciate
the eye candy.

[GROANS]

Look, I actually do work here, okay?

Mm.

This is really impressive, Quinn King.

Yeah. Well, why don't you
stick around for the day?

See how it's done.

You know, unless you have
somewhere else to be.

[LAUGHING] Yeah.

Nowhere that looks this good
with its shirt off.

[LAUGHS] I'll tell you that much.

[GRUNTS]

All right, hometown dates.
Pitch me, people.

- Well, I mean, it's got to be Owen.
- [GROANS]

We've got this gorgeous single dad,

he's got an adorable daughter.

She's never had a mother before.

And we make an entire family
for this little girl.

Yeah, 'cause nothing says "romance"

like crayon stains in
Nowheresville, Colorado.

It is so boring!

Let's go to the U.K., baby...

Jasper's family's country house
in the Cotswolds.

Like, Serena is, like,
this close to forgiving him.

I just think... You know, I really
think it should be Zach, though.

- Of course you do.
- Shocker.

Well, he's so cute. And he
would be great for her brand.

Right, and he's also your last guy.

- Mm-hmm.
- He is a Millennial dream.

- He has . ...
- BOTH: . million followers.

We are all aware, Madison.

Fiona, what do you think?

- Come on up.
- Okay.

Let's see.

I say you go fireman.

Thank you.

Silicon Valley powerhouse
gives it all up

to become a mom with a veteran
from Small Town USA,

- healing a divided nation.
- Mnh-mnh.

Or the death of feminism.

Both very hot right now.

Okay, but that's not what this would be.

This would be making a family

for a young girl
who's never had a real mother.

Either way, I mean,
it's got to be worth, what,

two, three points in the demo?

There's not gonna be a dry eye
from here to Peoria.

- I like the sound of that!
- [SNAPS FINGERS]

Chet. You put on pants
this morning. How refreshing.

You tucked your d*ck into yours.

How nice.

Jealous it's bigger?

Touché, sir.

Uh, can I talk to you
in private for a second?

Uh, sure. And you...

Owen's the one, so go sell your girl.

RACHEL: Do you hear that?
Owen's the one.

You hear that?
You want me to say it again?

- I heard!
- Owen's the one.

[CLEARS THROAT]

All right.

I decided to take your advice.

I called my attorney, and I'm gonna ask

for supervised visitation with my son.

Wow. Good for you.

I'm sober. I'm taking parenting classes.

There's just one thing.

My attorney says...

I need a character witness.

[LAUGHS] What, a-are you asking me

to be your character witness?

Who else? I mean, we were
together for years!

[SIGHS]

Nobody knows me better.

Okay, I was your mistress, all right?

That's not exactly an ace in the hole.

No, that's the point.

W-We're no longer together,
so you have no vested interest.

You know, I-I don't know, Chet.

I don't know.

My attorney says
that you're my best sh*t.

Because you're my only sh*t, really.

♪♪

I'm baring my soul here.

Oh, yeah?

You still have one of those?

I want a relationship with my son.

Fine. Are we done?

Oh, yes!

Oh! Thank you.

Mm.

Okay. All right, all right.

Look, don't make me regret it.

Ohh.

I really think
that you should pick Owen.

- Owen?
- Yeah.

I think there's got to be a reason

why you guys had that connection
on the first night.

I don't know.
We are really different people.

I mean, he's a really good guy.

I mean, he's a simple guy...

in the best possible way,
just like your father.

You said that your parents have
been married, like, years?

Uh-huh.

And you got to want that for yourself.

Is this what Quinn wants
or what you want?

- Honestly? Both.
- Mm-hmm.

But that doesn't mean
that it's the wrong choice.

Trust me on this.

He could be the one.

Five suitors, four continents,
but only one hometown date.

Serena must decide today
which man will not only give her

the key to his home...

but also to his heart.

I've thought a lot about what
the hometown date really means.

Um, it's a chance for me to see
how I fit into your lives

and into the lives of those
who love you the most.

So, with that in mind,

the place that I most want to go...

is Frontier Creek, Colorado.

Owen, will you take me home?

Umm...

Rachel, what is happening?

Your boy is about to t*nk
my heartland hometown.

I'm sorry. Can we... can we cut?

No! No, we cannot cut!

Yeah, w-we're not cutting, dude.

Well, I-I'm gonna need a second, so...

No... Jeremy, go! Follow him!

Do not let him out of your sight!

- Go! Go! Go!
- Owen!

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

Owen. What's going on?

Hey, hey!

You know, it's just, I...

I'm just not sure about
some of your choices.

[LAUGHING] What does that mean?

It means you found out that
Jasper was here on a bet,

and then you kept him...

after he bought his way back in.

- Is this a guy with a conscience?
- [LAUGHS]

The peonies?

That was him trying
to apologize. It was sweet.

- Of course you thought that.
- [GROANS]

Because it's him.

Because you guys know the same people.

- You went to the same schools.
- That is not why I forgave him.

You were a bet, Serena.

Jasper didn't even know who
I was when he made that bet!

And that's my point!

He's still the guy that would've slept

with anyone to win a bet.

And if you're really okay with that,

I don't think you're the kind
of person who I want

to take home to my daughter.

Oh, great!

[LAUGHS]

You need to fix this, Rachel.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

RACHEL: Serena? Oh, my God.

Honestly, I'm, like, so sorry.

I had no idea that
that was gonna happen.

Like, that was not a setup, okay?

- I promise.
- I-I know. I know.

But what Owen said,
that was completely unfair.

No, that was completely fair.

I mean, I have been making
allowances for Jasper

that I-I wouldn't make for anyone else.

I'm gonna head back out there.
I'll talk to Owen.

- I'll get him back on board.
- No, I will.

I want to talk to Owen.

Yeah, I w-want to talk to him myself.

I need a camera on Serena... now.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Hi.

It's hard to get away in this place.

Look, I'm sorry about what I said.
It was...

No. No, no.

You were exactly right.

The truth is, I've dated guys
like Jasper my whole life,

and it's gotten me nowhere.

I mean, it's you that
I want to go home with.

I mean, you've...
you've been there for me

since the first night.

And... honestly, I've neglected you.

I don't know why,

but it is so clear

that you are the only
truly good man here.

I'm just really sorry that I
didn't realize it till now.

Will you give me another chance?

Take me home with you.
Let me meet Riley.

This is good, Rachel! Look at you!

I think...

that Riley's gonna love you.

She made that almost seem believable.

And... cut!

See? Come on. It's real between them.

Well, real or not, whatever gets her

all Rocky Mountain High is fine by me.

W... Uh, who's Riley? Is she the kid?

Mm-hmm. She's Owen's daughter.
She's so cute.

She loves dogs. She hates clowns.

I mean, your adorable,
typical -year-old.

Okay! All right, people! Let's go!

I need everybody to make sure they take

their altitude-sickness pills.

I don't another Peru debacle.

Good trip, everyone!

MAN: Final call.
Buses and trucks are leaving

for the airport in five minutes.

Jay!

No hard feelings, bud.

I know you had your heart
set on merry old England.

I thought for sure you were
gonna send in Jasper

- during Serena's apology.
- Please. I don't care.

It gives me time to work
on "Passport to Dance."

But you have fun freezing your ass off.

[SMOOCHES] Bye!

JEREMY: Doc.

Hey.

How's Rachel?

Yeah, Serena's in the other van.

That whole thing that happened
with her dad...

Yeah. Listen, Jeremy.

Um, I understand your concern,

but I think it's best for you

if you kept a little
distance from Rachel.

Oh, because you're the only one
that can save her now?

Have a good trip.

Hey, babe.

Do you think this jacket's
warm enough for Colorado?

Or should I bring my down?

All right, I'll see you guys
there. I'll see you guys.

Um...

You know, actually... neither.

They want you to stay here and
sh**t "A" cam at the mansion.

Your name's gonna be on the call sheet.

It's a legit promotion,
if you're up for it.

This is huge! Of course I'm up for it!

Thank you.

You guys ready?

Let's get this party started!

[WHISTLES]

[LAUGHING] Nice!

A real step up from the
assistants pool, King.

Yeah, I knew I had made it
when I got my own bar cart.

[LAUGHING] Oh, man.

Your deadbeat dad must be up
your ass looking for handouts.

How is Randy?

Actually, he's dead.

[LAUGHS] Ohh!

Damn. I'm sorry. I didn't...

Wait.

You talk to your mom at the funeral?

- How'd that go?
- Well, it was great.

'Cause she didn't show, as usual.

[LAUGHS]

- Uh, listen.
- Hmm?

I have a proposition for you.

I'm so flattered, honey.

But you're not my type.

[LAUGHS] It is a business proposition.

- Look, Gary promised me four shows...
- Mm-hmm.

...and now I got to deliver.

So, what do you say you and I partner up

and we burn down this
boys club together?

Quinn, uh...

You said that you wanted
to get back into scripted,

and I am up for that, too.

- I can't.
- Why not?

I only want to get back into scripted

if I can make high-end, premium content.

And that's not your brand.

I am trying to make that my brand.

[CHUCKLING] Quinn.

"Everlasting" is a schlocky dating show.

"Will she find love?" Who cares?

The kinds of stories I'm talking
about strike a cultural chord.

They mean more, go deeper.

Excuse me, but I am finding a mommy

for Little Orphan What's-Her-Face.

That is deep.

Quinn, you can't seriously believe

what Rachel is selling?

I mean, she's kind of a nutjob.

America's gonna eat it up.

I can serve high-end without
putting people to sleep

with this PBS euthanasia crap.

You really think this show is that good?

No. I am.

♪♪

Hey, Rach, uh...

I just want to see,
how's your dad doing?

- Um, he's great, actually, he is.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Um, look, I just wanted
to thank you for, um...

your help.

I always liked your dad, you know?

I don't know if he liked me, but...

Are you kidding me? Thank you.

He actually told me to marry you.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

I mean, he was also on dr*gs
at the time, so...

Yeah, yeah.

All right, guys, we've got
"B" camera waiting inside.

Serena, please, let's bring you over.

Owen. Thank you.

All right, here we go.
We are rolling in... , ...

[SIREN WAILING, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Hey, guys.

Nice to meet you.

[GASPS] Oh, my goodness. Thank you.

Daddy!

Riley! Come here!

Hi, baby girl! How are you?

Good? Yeah?

I want you to meet somebody.

Hi!

- You're my new mommy!
- Oh! What?

Uh, no, I'm not. I...

I mean, I-I might be...

[CHUCKLES] ...someday.

Um, can you shake hands?

Yeah.

Got to shake a little tougher than that.

There you go. That's a good,
strong handshake.

RILEY: Uh... Daddy?

Riley, why don't we go get
you some ginger ale, huh?

- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES]

♪♪

What the hell are you doing?

What does it look like?

Think this is gonna impress Serena?

Digging a hole?

It's not a hole, mate.

It's an infiltration pit.

The mansion's got a huge runoff problem,

and this pit will allow the rainwater

to percolate down through the soil.

- So you're digging a hole, then?
- That's very funny.

It's actually an environmental disaster.

And none of this is to, uh,
impress Serena?

I'm pretty sure my time for
impressing Serena is long gone,

all right?

So, while I'm still here,

I need to get back to the real
reason I came on this show.

And what's that?

Tell the world the
environment needs saving.

And something as little as a hole,

anyone can make a difference.

- Maybe even you.
- For the love of God.

My investments have made more
in interest for clean water

than your sodding Eco-business
could make in a lifetime.

Lady, you okay?

I don't know. I just,
like, froze, or something.

She's a kid. She doesn't
even know what she's saying.

No, Rachel, she seemed pretty clear.

- She's years old.
- I know. I know that.

But I don't have a lot
of experience with kids.

My nephews live back east,
so I never see them.

O-Obviously, I knew that Owen
had a daughter,

I just, you know,

I'm just not really sure that
I'm ready to be insta-mom.

All Riley wants is somebody to love her.

I mean, she's never even had a real mom.

And you would be an incredible one.

Yeah?

Must be nice being a corporate shill

who's never gotten dirt
under his fingernails or...

or broken a sweat, like a real man.

Hmm. That's funny.

- Thank you.
- You're a funny man.

Um... you know what?

I...

I think I, uh...

I think I feel like digging a hole, too.

You sure you don't want to just
sit and watch? Get a cup of tea?

Just take it easy, Princess, all righty?

Right. Watch me.

Hey, what the hell is this?

Are you just giving up now?

Yo. I was meditating.
You just blocked my chi.

Look, you are my last guy.

If you get cut, then I go home, too.

I ain't goin' nowhere.

- We need a plan.
- So, what're you...

Look, you got to stop
stressing, all right?

I got my own plan.
I'm playing the slow game.

Serena and I, we got a connection.

- I'm like her confidant.
- Okay, she doesn't want a friend.

She's looking for a husband.

Hey. Sorry to interrupt. I just...

Should I be filming that?

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Yes, you should definitely
be filming that.

Ooh...

Ahhh...

Ahh...

Hey. Owen.

Owen, hey, I'm... I'm so sorry
the "mommy" thing upset me.

I was afraid that this was all
gonna be too much, too soon.

It's not fair to you,
and it's not fair to Riley.

You got to understand,
she's everything to me.

So if things aren't good with her,

then nothing else matters.

I think we just need some
daddy/daughter time... alone.

Sure. Yeah, no.
Take all the time you need.

- Hey.
- Rachel, I'm worried about this.

I mean, I feel like we didn't
really think this through.

I thought this through.

I thought that this
was a really good idea,

which is why you are here.

Maybe Owen and I could,
like, sneak away later,

- I mean, just the two of us.
- No!

Owen and Riley are, like,
this package deal.

You can't just ship her off.

Well, look, Serena, if you're
not seeing her as a plus,

maybe this isn't the right fit for you.

I don't know. I don't know.

This is all happening a little fast.

I think I just...

I just need a minute to... think, okay?

Yeah. Okay.

♪♪

QUINN: Hey. Rachel?

Aren't you supposed to
be in the middle of a date?

Is there a problem?

Uh, yeah, actually, there is.

Look, I screwed up, okay?

Serena's just, like, not into it.

The little girl ran into
her arms and called her "mommy,"

and it just completely
freaked Serena out.

[LAUGHS] Well, we could definitely
make something out of that.

Okay, yeah, well, maybe you can,
but I'm just not going to.

Ah! This is what I was afraid of.

Rachel, "Heartland Hometown Hero"

needs to win for ratings... period!

[CELLPHONE BEEPS]

Hey, Jay!

Hey, what? What's up?

Uh... Rachel's brain has
officially turned to mush.

I need you to prep Alexi,
because if Owen goes south,

then I need your guy to jump in
and spice things up.

- Copy that.
- Great.

Somebody go book me
a flight to Colorado!

♪♪

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

What's up? What're you doing here?

You, uh, scared me a little
on the phone, Rachel.

Where is Serena?

Why is she not in full mommy-mode?

I told you, that's not gonna happen.

And why is that?

Look, I think it's not too late
to pull the plug.

You know, we could still head to
England. Jay was right.

Um, Owen is your guy.

And you're just gonna
t*nk him like that?

Right. No, I know.

He's my guy, and I care
about him... and Serena,

which is why I just... Look, I
really don't want to force this.

What happened to "making a family"?

Serena isn't into it, and, what,
Riley's gonna grow up

thinking that this was her fault?

I'm not doing that to a -year-old.

Oh, my God. This is not
your family, Rachel.

Riley is not you,
and Serena is not Olive.

I'm not gonna let her screw up this kid.

We can't make Serena feel something

she doesn't want to feel, okay, Quinn?

That is our entire job
description, okay?

If she is not feeling it,
we make her feel it.

So, go... do your job.

Hey, don't get too attached
to this scenery.

If I have anything to say
about this, we're headed home

- after this last setup.
- Why? What's going on?

Quinn wants to make big drama here,

but it's not good for the kid.

So be thinking a "tearful goodbye"

as the sh*t composition.

Just a heads-up.

- Hey, uh, Serena?
- Hey.

Can I, uh, talk to you before
we head to Owen's?

Listen, I-I've been thinking about it...

- Yeah.
- ...and you're totally right.

I have to make Riley the priority.

Seriously? You know, she
loves pancakes, so...

it's, like, the only thing
I actually know how to make.

I'll make her blueberry pancakes
and braid her hair.

And she's got to love that, right?

- Come on.
- What?

- Is this even what you want?
- I am trying to want it.

I mean, it's what you said...
it's a package deal.

This whole thing is supposed to
be about finding the right guy,

not proving that you can
get an "A" at everything.

[SCOFFS]

Oh, so all that stuff you said about
Owen being the perfect guy for me,

I'm just supposed to forget all of that?

No. That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying that this

is not about Owen. This is about Riley.

Look, I know what it's like
to be the daughter

of a driven woman who
always put herself first.

Okay, that's not who I am.

I... I mean, it's not...

- who I want to be.
- I know. I'm sorry. I...

I'm just saying that if you do
this before you're really ready,

you and Riley could
both come to regret it.

Okay, let me think about it.

You know, when we get back
to the mansion...

No, if you're gonna do it,
if you're gonna cut him,

you need to do it right now.

Let's let him stay here
and be with his kid.

He can't leave her again.

We're gonna make him look like
this incredible father.

There's gonna be women, like,

lining up for miles to go out with him.

I mean, you're doing the guy a favor.

I'll go get Owen ready.

This is the right thing to be doing.

Fine. I'll call him myself.

[CELLPHONE BEEPS] Uh, hey, Rachel.

Um, uh, where's Hurt Locker
and Honey Boo Boo?

Uh, well, I think Serena's
about to cut Owen,

and then we're gonna pack it up.

So you just did the opposite
of what I asked?

Mmmmm... yes.

Great. This'll be a hometown
date to remember.

Come on. It's gonna be some big,
huge, tearful goodbye.

There's not gonna be a dry eye
in the house.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Then what else will be on TV that night?

Because that's what I will be watching.

No, Rachel, we're gonna
blow this thing up.

Talk to me. How much longer?

Our contestants have returned
to a primal state

in pursuit of winning the lovely
Serena's affection.

Excuse me.

♪♪

Ohh!

It seems that August

has penetrated the deepest
within the earth.

That's not why I did this.

August is the winner!

It's not a competition, Graham.
It's an infiltration pit.

Wait, wait. What does
he get for the win?

Uh... a one-on-one date with Serena.

Hold on. Hold on.
Ain't nobody tell me that.

Hold on. Give me that shovel.

This is a joke.
All right, I'm out of here.

This is stupid. I'm done. I'm out, too.

Follow my lead. Female gaze.

You got me?

Absolutely.

Let's sex this thing up.

August, you can't go back
to the mansion like that.

You're filthy. What are you doing?!

Give it here! I'll do it myself.
What's wrong with you?

Hey, Jasper, get back here!

I am not your show monkey, little girl.

Good luck with this, Tarzan.

What the hell are you doing?

Are you a child?

You need to clean yourself
off there, big boy.

- Okay.
- You all right?

- What are you...
- Oh, there we go!

That's nice and clean for you, buddy.

Is this soft-core enough for you?

Well, we had girls in bikinis
on the North Pole.

- I'd say this is revenge.
- [CHUCKLES]

I'm really glad Jeremy didn't
take you to Colorado.

- I was a little surprised, though.
- Why?

Hometown dates are like crew prom.

There's hotel rooms and
mini bars and doors that lock.

Everybody hooks up.

♪♪

ZACH: Hey!

Hey, I need to talk to you.

Yeah. We'll go back to my house.

I know they're getting dinner
ready, and you don't want to...

You okay?

Like, not great.

Cutting him is best for the kid.

You're looking out for her,
Rach. It's...

It's really nice.

You're doing the right thing.

OWEN: I'm sorry that things have been

- a little rough with Riley and...
- No, no, no.

No, no. She's...

She's amazing, and you
are such a good dad.

I mean, I-I can really see
how much you love her.

[RILEY SCREAMS]

No, no! Get away from me!

- [SCREAMS]
- Oh, you want a balloon?

- Hey! Get away from her!
- They hired me.

- Daddy! The clown is scary!
- She's terrified of clowns, man.

- They hired me to give out balloons.
- I don't care! Just get out of here!

- Right now, okay?
- Quinn, what are you doing?

[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

[CRIES]

Aw, are you okay, sweetie?

QUINN: Oh, nice pee close-up, Camera B.

Jeremy, get in there!

It's okay.

You don't have to be embarrassed.

- Put the camera down, man!
- RACHEL: Quinn!

Put that camera down,
and you'll never pick one up

- on this show again.
- Rachel!

What are you doing?!

I didn't have anything to do with this.

[SCOFFS]

- He's still there!
- Get him away!

- OWEN: Riley!
- [CRYING]

- Oh, my God! Riley!
- [TRUCK HORN BLARES]

Riley!

[TIRES SCREECH]

Riley!

[PANTING]

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- You're fine. Everything's fine.
- We got you.

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

Come here.

All right, we're gonna
cross the street, okay?

Good. Everything's all right.

I got you.

Quinn, how could you do that?
I mean, seriously?

After everything
that's happened on this show?

The kid is fine.

You used her one pathological fear.

It was a clown! All right?

I didn't know she was gonna go
running into the street,

- like some scared Chihuahua.
- Quinn, she could have d*ed.

But she didn't, okay?
Besides, I don't understand.

Whatever happened to, like,
facing our fears, okay?

I'm so sick and tired of all this

overprotective parent crap!

I grew up without a mother,

your mother is a certified psycho,

and we are fine.

Most days.

All right? And look at them.

They are a beautiful family.

I got all of her mama juices flowing.

I did that.

I did what you couldn't do.

- Hey. Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah, of course.

- Hi. Sorry.
- Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah. If you want, why don't we,

like, push the goodbye
by like an hour, or...

No. No, no. I-I want to stay.

I can't just cut him after all that.

I-I know it's crazy,
but the way that I felt

when I saw Riley run into
the street, I just...

Yeah, it was, like,
an amazing moment, for sure.

But it was just one intense moment.

And being a mother, it's...
you know, it's / .

I mean, nothing has
changed here, Serena.

No, but it has.

That's what I'm trying to say.

And maybe I can do the mom thing.

I mean, the way that I felt
about Riley in that moment,

I-I'm not gonna just leave
that here in Colorado.

Oh, yeah, okay.

- Okay?
- I mean, yeah, of course.

- It's your choice, so...
- Okay.

♪♪

[UP-TEMPO LATIN MUSIC LAYS]

[SNIFFS]

[GASPS]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is amazing.

Give it to me.

Yeah.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

This is fantastic!

[CAMERA CLICKS]

Give it to me. Give it to me.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

[LAUGHS]

Brazil street dance is the best!

It's a mixture of samba, drums...

and sex.

You are unbelievable.

Come here.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

[LAUGHS]

[GIGGLING]

- Help me!
- No! She can't help you!

No! I can't help you! I can't help you!

See? That is called a story arc, Rachel.

She wasn't into it at first,

but now she is.

Well, I'm glad you're happy.
I hope it was worth it.

What... Worth what? Doing my job?

Or doing your job, actually?

You scarred that little girl for life.

She's gonna be getting teased

about pissing her pants in college.

I mean, do you want to just, like,

set up her therapy fund right now?

Just get over it.

Did Fiona put you up to this?

She doesn't even work in reality TV.

She has no idea what we do.

No one puts me up to anything.

Right. Right.

They are kissing. That is your guy.

You should be thanking me.

Thanks, Quinn.

♪♪

Hey, Quinn.

I have some really great news.

While everyone was away,
I got August, Jasper, and Zach

to compete in a dig-off
for Serena, and August won.

What the hell is a dig-off?
That sounds ridiculous.

I mean, it's a little caveman macho,

but I got some really great
footage of the guys.

- Look.
- Okay.

Hi. Uh, yeah, this is Rachel Goldberg.

I'm calling for my father.

Okay, well, can you just
tell him that I called

and I'll try again later?

Thank you.

CHET: Hey! Where are you going?

You got to get to the network
with that footage.

T-They're gonna cream in their
jeans when they see that.

You just bought us season !

So, you're really okay with all of this?

Yes, absolutely.
What are you talking about?

Do you know what Quinn did
to get that footage?

She made a little girl piss herself.

Well, listen, these things
happen with children.

Quinn made it happen.

She deliberately terrified
a -year-old who almost d*ed.

I mean, how would you feel
if that was your kid?

Rachel, what are you talking about?

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS]

[LAUGHS]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

Mud wrestling... we haven't
done that before.

Yeah. We can use this, Madison.

Good job.

I kinda promised that

whoever won would get
a one-on-one date with Serena.

Mm. Well, you kinda shouldn't
make promises you can't keep.

No one-on-one dates without my say-so.

Okay, but, you know that August
isn't even my guy, right?

Look, I'm totally a team player.

I will help anyone on the team.

Fine. Okay?

August can have a few minutes to grovel,

- but that is it, all right?
- Okay, thank you.

Now go wave your pom-poms
somewhere else.

Just find out who put up these
peacocks! I hate them!

CHET: Hey! Quinn! Quinnie!

Is it true what I heard?

Did you scare that kid on purpose?

Is the kid okay? Yes.

Is the footage great? Yes.

What was it, Fiona's idea?

Oh, grow up, Chet.

Hey, I'm all grown up, Quinn. But you?

You know, I did what I had
to do for the show.

And everything was fine.

You don't get it, do you?
You crossed a line.

Oh! Suddenly there's a line?

Yes. And if you were a mother,
you'd understand.

If you had children of your own,

you never would've done
something like that.

You're right. I am not a mother.

So how could I possibly know
if you're a good father?

Guess you'll have to find someone else

to speak at your visitation hearing.

No. Don't do that. Hey, Quinn.

Quinn!

[DOOR SLAMS, LOCK CLICKS]

Please don't do this.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hey, Serena.

- Yeah?
- Hi. Uh, you're needed on set.

For what?

I think you're probably
gonna want to come

and see this for yourself.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

♪♪

What's going on?

You... You brought me out here
to look at a hole?

No. It's a water infiltration pit.

Or, at least, it will be.

See, this will make the mansion
more sustainable.

Oh.

And it was Madison's idea
to bring you here.

Not mine.

'Cause you're just... not interested.

Of course I'm interested, Serena.

But... whatever happens between us,

that's... that's up to you now.

I just want to use my time
left on the show

for something good.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Yo!

I dug a hole, too!

[CHUCKLING] Okay, let me see your hole.

Size doesn't matter, right?

Look, I gave this hole everything I got,

'cause I want to show you
how serious I am about you.

Not as a friend...

but as a lover.

As a man.

Do you even know what
an infiltration pit is?

Does it matter?

Look, I got . million followers.

I could tweet this out,
we'll have holes everywhere.

Whack-a-mole nation.

- [LAUGHS]
- Actually, I, uh...

I promised Quinn that
we'd get back to the mansion.

We got to prep
for the elimination ceremony.

- Cool.
- Well, thank you...

Yeah, of course. You
like it, though, right?

...for your holes.

Really, really great holes, guys.

You love me for my holes, eh? [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

Hey, Owen. Can I talk
to you for a second?

You want to apologize?

Look.

I had no idea about
that whole clown thing.

[SCOFFS] You expect me to buy that?

That's her one fear, Rachel. That
clown didn't just show up on its own.

I know. And I would do
anything to protect Riley.

Which is why I wanted to talk to you.

Look, what Serena did, that was amazing.

I mean, the woman's incredible.

But... I really don't think
that she's ready to be a mom.

You think I couldn't see that?

You know, when I got back from Iraq,

I had a baby dropped in my lap.

I didn't feel it, either. I panicked.

Thought about dropping her off
with my sister

and asking her to raise her.

But I grew into it.

And so will Serena.

And what if she doesn't?

Look, I'm just saying, I had
a complicated relationship

with my own mother, and...

Serena dove in front of a truck
to save my daughter, Rachel.

- That's the kind of person that she is.
- I know.

And besides, she has so many
other amazing qualities.

She has an incredible career,

she travels all over the world,
she goes after what she wants.

Do you have any idea what
having a role model like that

- would do for Riley?
- A role model, yes, but...

Families are all different, Rachel.

I believe that Serena will get there.

And until then, I can be mom
enough for both of us.

Look, I know that doesn't sound
manly or whatever, but...

No, it, um...

...sounds really beautiful.

♪♪

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] [KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hi.

So, how was your time on the frontier?

It was actually kind of incredible.

I can really see what a life
there would look like.

Mm.

A life in the-middle-of-nowhere Colorado

only seems like a good idea now

because you've been stuck in
this hellhole of a mansion.

Don't kid yourself.
It'd never be enough.

It's just...

It's not who you are.

You know, maybe it's worth

giving up a lifestyle
to find a real connection.

Mm.

And who says you have to choose?

Why don't you have both?

You think that's what we have?

A real connection?

You tell me.

- Where is Alexi? Do you know?
- My darling sunflower!

- Finally you came back to me.
- [GIGGLES]

This place is so depressing without you.

- I'm sorry if I'm late.
- Wish m*rder was legal.

- Copy that.
- Some things are worth waiting for.

Stop kissing her ass!

All right, people, let's go!
Let's go! Action already!

Oh, nice of you to show up.

Yeah, sorry. I just...

Gentlemen, we only have
four golden key rings,

which means one of you
will leave tonight

without having unlocked Serena's heart.

This was... a very tough decision.

And it honestly pains me
to know that one of you

will be going home today.

Owen, I had an incredible time

with you and Riley in Frontier Creek.

And I will always treasure it.

See? I made a perfect family, Rachel.

[CHUCKLES]

Thanks for coming.

- Jasper.
- Boom!

You've given me a lot to think about,

and I hope we can
continue our conversation

moving forward.

And that, ladies and gentlemen,
is what I call a horse race.

Alexi.

You know how much I love
your creativity and passion.

I hope I get to see more of it.

QUINN: "Creativity."
That's a good word for it.

GRAHAM: Serena, this is the last
key ring of the night.

Dun-dun-dun!

Two men left.

One, a close friend,

and the other, a challenging lover.

Ugh! Graham! Gross!

Thank you, Graham.

Zach.

Oh. Don't do it.

I have had such a good time with you.

But I didn't come on this show
just to have fun.

I came here to look for a husband.

I just don't see that being
in the cards for us.

So, it's... it's this guy?

Come on.

The fireman's cool.

But the rest of 'em?

You got an Australian douche, [CHUCKLES]

you got a Russian douche,
you got a British douche.

You got the United Nations
of douche-Dom here.

[LAUGHS]
I mean, come on. He's not wrong.

I'm telling you, fun is underrated.

In years, you're gonna
come crawling back.

I might just take you.

Where has that been all season?

Oh, now I wish we could keep him.

I wasn't leaving without doing that.

All right, douches.

Hey, it's, uh... Charlie, right?

That depends.

You are consistently getting footage

that my male D.P.s can't.

I mean, they have zero problem
sh**ting tits and ass,

but when it comes to
lighting a d*ck shadow,

they don't know squat.

So good work.

Wow.

Last time that Quinn
gave me a compliment was...

Oh, yeah, that's right... never,
'cause I've never gotten one.

Ever.

Did you and Rachel have fun at prom?

Whoa. What are you talking about?

♪ I breathe, I feel ♪

Listen.

I see how you look at her.

I don't care if you still have
drama going on with her.

I'm just not gonna be a part of it.

P.S., it didn't suck being stuck
in a house full of hot guys.

Yeah.

Thanks for letting me know.

I will.

Look, I know what you're gonna say.

You're gonna say that I'm being blamey,

but Quinn manipulated this entire thing.

- And the worst part is... it's worked!
- Rachel.

Rachel...

So what the hell do I know
about creating a family?

Rachel!

I got to tell you something.

♪ Resembles life from time to time ♪

Asa checked out of the facility.

What?

He called your mom.
She came and got him.

I'm so sorry.

♪ S-S-Shivering breeze ♪

♪ G-G-Glimmering dreams,
f-f-flickering sleep ♪

[SNIFFLES]

♪ Notorious peace ♪

♪ Q-Q-Quivering glee, p-p-patiently be ♪

[VOICE BREAKING] What are you doing?

♪ S-S-Shivering breeze ♪

♪ G-G-Glimmering dreams,
f-f-flickering sleep ♪

♪ Notorious peace ♪

♪ Q-Q-Quivering glee ♪

- ♪ P-P-P-P-Patiently be ♪
- [CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS, SNIFFLES]

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

Quinn?

Hey, um... can we talk for a second?

Oh, you want to talk to me?

I thought I was the monster
who ate babies for breakfast.

♪ I stood aside,
watched it come to life ♪

- Oh, hey!
- ♪ With hills and lakes in its embrace ♪

Oh, hey![CAR DOOR OPENS]

Hey, hey!

Let's go, sister.

You ready to blow this joint?

♪ Humbled God ♪

- ♪ Unknown things by the horizon ♪
- Hell yes.

Well, get that tight ass
of yours in here.

[LAUGHS]

Hi, Rachel.

Bye, Rachel.

[LAUGHS]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

- ♪ S-S-Shivering breeze ♪
- [LIGHTER CLICKS]

♪ G-G-Glimmering dreams,
f-f-flickering sleep ♪

- ♪ Notorious peace ♪
- [WHINES]

♪ Q-Q-Quivering glee, p-p-patiently be ♪

[SIGHS] [CELLPHONE RINGING]

♪ S-S-Shivering breeze ♪

♪ G-G-Glimmering dreams,
f-f-flickering sleep ♪

♪ Notorious peace ♪

What do you want?

Hey, buddy. I saw the episode
last week, and I loved it.

All that gay stuff...
worked like gangbusters.

I'm getting calls from other groups.

You are definitely on their radar.

- Really?
- Yeah.

This is how awards campaigns
are born, my friend.

The story was really Quinn's idea.

Just wanted to go for some
deeper material.

It's not about the content.
It's about the campaign.

Now, lucky for you,
I have deep pockets...

and enough pull to get you
the top-notch P.R. push

you need to get the gold.

What's the catch?

You need my help, and I need yours.

You want the Emmy.

What do you want?

Quinn's head on a platter.

I need proof of every shady
thing she has ever done.

You get me the dirt,
I get you the hardware.

♪♪