01x21 - Summer Sausage, A Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

[bunniefuu]

Previously, on Young Sheldon...

I've been corresponding with Dr.

John Sturgis at East Texas Tech.

He said I could audit his course.

Connie, I would like to see you again.

Perhaps we could have dinner sometime.

Yes, we would love that.

We would?

If they get married, we immediately double the number of smart people in our family.

Hello, Dr. Sturgis.

Hello, Sheldon.

Can you see yourself living here?

I can.

Mmm.

Good ratio of hot dog chunks to spaghetti.

I've been experimenting.

Glad you noticed.

Kids!

Wash up for dinner!

Now, who on earth is that?

And don't be picking out all the chunks.

Aw.

Sorry I'm a little late.

My pant leg got stuck in the chain.

Who are you?

I'm John Sturgis.

Sheldon invited me to dinner.

Aha.

Okay.

Um, come in, I guess.

Sheldon?

Coming!

This is for you.

It's cheese and summer sausages.

Thank you.

Summer sausage means it doesn't need to be refrigerated.

Is that so?

It is.

Okay.

Sheldon?

Dr. Sturgis, welcome.

Thank you, Sheldon.

Sheldon, you think you might've let me know you invited company over for dinner?

I did think about it, but I was afraid you might say no.

Come see my train set.

All right!

Good Lord.

You mean he just showed up out of nowhere?

Yep.

He's out in the garage playing trains with Sheldon.

Why's your hair wet?

If you must know, I was doing my water aerobics, and my swimming cap fell off.

This Sturgis fella didn't say a word to you?

If he did, do you think I would have been doing frog kicks at the YMCA?

You look great.

O gauge trains are definitely the best.

O, yes, they are.

Oh, well, what a pleasant surprise.

Oh, good.

You're here, too.

I am.

Are y'all about ready for dinner?

I am.

Well, then, let's go.

Meemaw, you smell like chlorine.

- Why say it?

- Hmm.

You weren't kidding.

Spaghetti and hot dogs is delightful.

Even better since Mom perfected the chunk ratio.

So, Dr.

Sturgis, Sheldon tells us you're a guest professor at the university.

- I am.

- Hmm.

Does that mean that you're only here temporarily?

Well, that's the plan for now.

But I could be enticed to stay.

Meemaw, I do believe there was subtext there.

Did you pick up on it?

Yeah.

Was I correct to infer there was subtext there?

You were.

Okay, we're all good.

I can't believe they're making me sit and eat at the kiddie table.

- It's better here.

- How?

We don't have to pray, eat our vegetables, and we can curse.

Hmm.

Maybe you're right.

Course I am, you ass-face.

Dr. Sturgis, do you think we're ever going to unify gravity with the other three fundamental forces?

I have a sticky note on my refrigerator which reminds me every day to do just that.

When did you decide to focus your research - on quantum...

- Um, Sheldon, I think you're kind of dominating the conversation.

Why don't you let your meemaw talk to Dr. Sturgis.

Oh, I'm sorry.

By all means.

Thank you.

- Connie?

- Yes, John.

Do you smell like chlorine on purpose?

You sure I can't give you a ride home?

I can throw your bike in the back of my pickup truck.

Thank you, no.

I-I enjoy the night air.

Plus, hot dogs and spaghetti is a highly caloric event that demands an aerobic effort on my part.

Well, it was a pleasure spending the evening with you.

We should do it again sometime.

Great.

When?

How about tomorrow?

You know what, we'll figure it out.

Come on, let me see you to your Schwinn.

Bye.

Good night.

Well, that was the most stimulating dinner I've ever had in this house.

Glad you enjoyed it.

That man is a true role model.

Well, it's nice you finally got a man you can look up to.

Oh, believe me, I know.

You gonna keep it all bottled up, - or you want to talk about it?

- What?

I'm fine.

There's nothing to talk about.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

Sweet dreams.

You know you want to talk about it.

You saw it.

My own son can't even imagine me being a role model?

How am I supposed to be okay with that?

You're a role model for Georgie.

I used to be.

Now he wants to grow up and be Tony Danza.

Did you forget you have a daughter who would really benefit from having a good man to look up to?

Oh, dear Lord.

Yo u did forget.

I didn't forget.

I just...

I don't know how to spend time with her.

It ain't rocket science, George.

She's a little girl.

Ask her what she wants to do, and then do it with her.

Oh, yeah.

I suppose.

Trust me.

She'll be thrilled to spend some time with you.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll give it a try.

Hey, when we do, you know, whatever it is she likes to do, you're gonna be there, right?

No.

Well, this just got harder.

Meemaw?

Meemaw!

What?

I've been researching things that you and I can do with Dr. Sturgis.

There's a lecture tonight at Rice University called "What's happening at the center of our galaxy." Let me just stop you right there.

Don't worry.

I know what's happening at the center, but I would never spoil it for you.

Look, I know you're invested in me and John having a relationship, and I'm not saying we won't.

But it ain't gonna happen with you always underfoot.

Have I been underfoot?

Honey, in order for grown-ups to get to know each other, they need to have some alone time.

What if I'm around, but I took a vow of silence?

Go home and have your breakfast.

And then she said for grown-ups to get to know each other, they have to have time alone.

Makes sense.

What else?

Apparently my being underfoot isn't conducive to romance.

This is very helpful.

Thank you.

I'm at your service.

Oh, Celeste, why do you always fall for bad boys?

Hey.

Hi, Dad.

What you doing?

Am I in trouble?

No, no.

Just-just checking in on you.

Why?

'Cause you're my daughter and I love you.

This is getting weird.

It is.

I was just thinking that, uh, you and me, you know, we don't spend much time together.

You know, we should find something to do, just-just two of us.

- Like what?

- You tell me.

What-what sounds fun?

I'd like to be taken to dinner.

Great.

Where?

To the fanciest restaurant in all of Texas.

Which is...?

Red Lobster, where the surf meets the turf.

You got it.

Thanks, Dad.

Mom, you got to take me shopping!

I need a dress!

Yeah?

Connie, this is John Sturgis.

Well, hello, John Sturgis.

How are you?

I chipped a tooth on a peach pit this morning, but otherwise, I'm okay.

Good.

Good to hear it.

Next order of business.

I would like to have dinner with you tonight, just the two of us.

Oh, well, that sounds nice.

What'd you have in mind?

I'd like to come to your house and cook you a Szechuan feast.

I'm sorry, a what?

Szechuan.

It's a style of Chinese cooking I learned when I was traveling through China.

Well, wonderful.

I would love that.

Great.

Do you have a wok?

I do not.

Not a problem.

I have a travel wok.

Okay.

Uh, so, uh, what do you say about 6:00?

It's a date.

Terrific.

Oh, and, um, let's not mention this to Sheldon so as to keep him from being underfoot.

Have you been talking to him?

I have.

See you later.

Do I really need to get dressed up to go to Red Lobster?

You're getting dressed up for your daughter.

And that's a new shirt, so be sure to ask for a bib.

Oh!

I'm ready.

You're going to dinner wearing that?

I think you mean she looks beautiful.

You look beautiful.

Why thank you, George.

How 'bout we stick with "Dad" tonight?

Okay, but you call me Melissa.

After you, Melissa.

Thanks, George.

Oh, my.

I know, I look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Well, come on in.

Sheldon, come in the kitchen for dinner.

- Can I eat out here?

- Why?

Dr. Sturgis is having a dinner date with Meemaw.

I don't want to miss it.

Fine.

During that time, I saw three cars drive by and a raccoon dragging a slice of pizza.

Uh, table for two.

No problem.

Allow me.

You are allowed.

Thank you.

Yes, thank you.

If I may.

So what do you think?

I think we might be underdressed.

The trick to a successful Szechuan dinner is the Szechuan pepper.

Okay.

Now, you may notice your lips and tongue getting numb.

Then why are we eating it?

'Cause it's yummy.

Sure.

So, what were you doing wandering around China?

Well, when I'm not doing research or teaching, I enjoy taking the path less traveled.

I'm guessing it's a bike path.

As a matter of fact, it was.

Everybody in China rides bicycles.

It's fantastic.

- Did you see the Great Wall?

- I did.

Interesting fact: it's filled with the dead bodies of the people who built it.

You don't say.

Hundreds of thousands of them.

Here, taste.

If it's just the two of us, why can't I eat watching TV?

'Cause you're having dinner with your mother and it's a chance for us to talk.

Sheldon's having dinner and looking out the window.

Want me to have him join us?

No.

Then quit complaining.

So what do you want to talk about?

Um, I don't know.

How's school?

It's school; it's a turd fest.

Charming.

Are you dating anyone?

Nah, nobody up to my standards.

Sure.

Can I ask you a question?

Course, you can ask me anything.

Were you pregnant with me when you married Dad?

Um...

why would you ask that?

Sheldon said so.

How would Sheldon know?

- He did the math.

- What math?

He said the time between my birthday and your wedding day was six months.

Um...

yeah.

That's because you...

were born premature.

I've seen my birth certificate, it said I weighed nine pounds.

Yes, that's true.

You were a big fat preemie.

Let's talk about something else.

Why?

'Cause I'd very much like to.

And then Heather B said she didn't want to play tetherball with Heather M anymore.

Wait.

Th-There's two Heathers?

Oh, yeah.

Which one's which?

Heather B is stuck up.

Heather M used to be stuck up, but then she got a scoliosis brace.

Maybe she shouldn't be playing tetherball.

That's what Heather B said.

This is delicious, but you were not kidding about the spice.

I'm about to break a sweat here.

Well, here's something you might find interesting.

Spicy food is typically found in warmer climates because it induces sweating, which in turn, cools people off.

So what does the runny nose do for me?

It allows me to, uh, gallantly offer you my handkerchief.

You are such a gentleman.

When I was younger, I read a book on etiquette.

That's how I know that if I ever have an audience at the Vatican, I should wear evening attire or a sack coat.

I don't know what a sack coat is, but I'm sure you'd look handsome in it.

Thank you.

You know, it's a long bike ride at night.

If you want...

you're welcome to stay.

No, it's fine, I-I have a headlight on my bicycle.

Oh, sure, sure.

Although, I hear it might rain.

No worries.

I have a pocket poncho.

So you do.

John.

I'm inviting you to spend the night.

Oh.

No, thank you.

Don't they make babies that are born too soon stay in the hospital?

Normally, yes, but you were born with such a great head full of hair that they sent you home with us.

That's the first thing you've said that makes sense.

I'm glad we had dinner; this was nice.

Yeah, fun stuff.

Well, don't want to miss Who's The Boss.

Lord, forgive me for lying.

I'll tell him the truth when he's 30.

Amen.

Your lobster, madam.

Thank you.

Would you like me to open it for her?

Oh, I got it, thanks.

- You all right?

- This thing's freaking me out.

Here, let me help you with that.

Here.

Okay.

The trick is not to make eye contact.

Tell him.

Here.

All right, now, we just...

snap her off like that...

pop.

Grab this guy here, and we cr*ck the claw.

And then you take out a little meat...

dunk it in some butter, and then you eat it.

Holy moly.

It's good, huh?

Unbelievable.

I'll leave you to it.

No.

Sit with me.

Okay.

When I grow up, I'm gonna eat lobster every night.

Well, hon, you better stay in school and get a good education.

I was thinking I'd just marry a rich guy.

Sure, that's a way to go.

Or a guy who works at Red Lobster.

That's another way to go.

You seem quiet.

Is everything okay?

Are you not interested in me?

Of course I am.

I'm very interested.

Then how come when I...

I invited you to spend the night, I got rejected?

I did do that, didn't I?

Good Lord, yes.

I can explain.

Please do.

I didn't want you to think that I would think that you were the sort of woman who would engage in coitus simply because I cooked you a Szechuan dinner.

It was better before you explained.

All right, let me try a different tack.

Connie.

Oh, boy.

Would you honor me with an evening of intimate relations?

Well, that is a different tack.

This is very promising.

What's happening?

Dr. Sturgis's bike is still at Meemaw's.

So?

That means he probably is, too.

You need to get a life.

There he is.

Mom, Mom, Mom.

- What's wrong?

- What's going on?

Dr. Sturgis and Meemaw had their first sleepover.

It's a big step in their relationship.

I'm going to go congratulate them.

Hey, put on a jacket, it's chilly out.

Will do!

Or try saying he can't go.

Oh, never mind, you can't go!

The last thing I heard was jacket!

Oh.