03x07 - h*tler

[bunniefuu]

More.

More.

Can't keep my boy from his avocado.

How proud you must be.

Delightful child.

Hilter.

I've gotta duck out for a couple of hours this afternoon.

Cover for me if my wife calls.

Again, Herr Marty?

My groin elixir.

Puts a little rev in the engine, know what I mean?

Yes.

Which is good 'cause I got me a rendezvous with a hot little number I met at the Target.

The restaurant'll be empty.

Just gotta tap that, you know?

Ja, I understand.

You tap your hot number, I will watch the store.

Good man.

Well, time for my break.

Half a mile away?

That's not employee parking, that's a message.

That's "Go F yourselves." So's a 35 cent an hour raise.

I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?

What do you think, David?

I have been to Hell und back.

If you're asking me what I think is the answer to all that bothers you, from inconvenient employee parking to low wages, to how fat you people are, the answer to me is, simply put...

Is the Jews.

My boss is a Jew.

Of course he is.

She.

The bourgeois people used to ask me why a revolution would be necessary.

The structure of your State and methods of government are foreign to your national character and needs.

A critical situation cannot be made better and cannot be fixed by working together except by a radical extermination!

Totally.

h*tler.

Satan sent you?

Well, it is good timing, actually.

I have just got my four-year plan off the ground, and I have not yet decided on an Interior Minister.

You see, I have heard of you, mein Kumpel.

I could use someone with your gifts.

The world is ripe for a new Reich.

Why go back?

I have made such progress in a short time.

Please, not now.

The Zionist world government must be stopped.

Great.

What are you looking at?

I should never have let you out.

All right, Hilter.

If Doris calls...

What's going on?

I fear they want to take me back to Hell.

You can't do...

I am not going back!

I have too much to do!

I am not going back!

I'm sorry.

Me, too.

Starr.

Messiah.

Welcome back to Angelville.

You see, the thing people forget about the '60s is how iffy the dr*gs were, you know?

And that's why I had such a rough go at Woodstock.

Right, let's have a look.

Purple ball, corner pocket.

Intriguing.

Christ.

No, Kevin, you're screwing it up.

You've gotta twist and you've gotta turn.

Twisting and turning.

Twist and turn.

Twist...

That's it.

Well done, man.

Yeah.

I dropped acid at breakfast, right, and by the time Ravi Shankar got onstage, I was seeing bloody monsters crying like a bloody Englishman, you know what I mean?

The point is, what I'm trying to tell you is it's no use getting soppy about how good things used to be.

Most times, today is better.

All right?

Right, let's have a look here.

Number 13, corner pocket.

Bollocks.

Ça va, my Lord.

Let me show you something.

All right.

Those are some big coffins.

Standard size, New Orleans.

That one is for you.

If you'd like.

You sleep in a coffin?

It's Persian silk velvet.

It's the vampire way.

Has been for millennia.

Right, well, it might be your vampire way, but my vampire way is beanbag chairs and bathroom floors.

You know what I mean?

Well, you know, if you should change your mind.

Thank you though, man.

You know what, it's really thoughtful.

Thank you.

There was another thing that I needed to mention.

There will be another blood ceremony tonight.

Lisa has been chosen, and I know she would consider it a great honour if you would be the one who brought her...

Look, I already told you.

Turning people, it's not my thing.

Because of what happened with your son?

No.

You guys, you do what you need to do to get your rocks off.

They're consenting adults.

It's a free country, kind of.

In my experience, nothing ever good came from making more of us.

That's all.

Fly!

Fly!

Fly!

You couldn't be more wrong.

Deng Vuong.

The day has come.

It's your time to fly!

Fly!

Fly!

Fly!

It's been real, y'all.

I don't think Deng's gonna get much lift with all that luggage and all.

He's not literally going to fly, silly.

Eccarius is taking him to the airport.

Why?

- Deng's going on his mission work.

- What?

To make the world safer for us.

He's going where we all go when it's our time to fly.

To open a new chapter of Les Enfants.

For 50 years, Eccarius has been sending us all over the world as ambassadors.

To change the hearts of those who hate us, to turn those who would join us in our fight, all the while creating a network of safe havens in a world that still seeks to harm us.

Eccarius likes to say, "They don't hate us." "They hate themselves, and we're a convenient vessel." But now, no one will have to live in fear of persecution any more.

It's Eccarius' dream.

To provide a sanctuary.

To give anyone like you, and soon, me, a home.

Christ, Eccarius did all that?

Cool, right?

Yeah, it is cool.

This is interesting.

Well, I'll cut right to it.

I owe a debt to Gran'ma.

And I will pay it down.

If she will allow me to borrow you.

I need your grandson's help in resolving a business dispute.

And what is your business, Mr Starr?

It's quite hum-drum, actually.

Public relations, crisis management, that kind of thing.

But we have resources, so I am both able and prepared to make his temporary release worth your while.

We could rebuild your business.

Restore your charming cottage here to its former glories.

I noticed your sl*ve quarters are empty.

We could change that.

Or if you wanted to leave the 19th century behind, what about a television programme?

The Down Home Witching Hour with Voodoo Granny, or some such?

That's easy.

That's an e-mail.

I want souls.

Of course.

It's me, sir.

I hope you're sitting down.

I believe I'm about to secure your leverage.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's been two weeks since my last confession.

What would you like to confess, my child?

I've been thinking I want to wear Miley Cyrus' skin like a pelt.

Monsignor.

I wanna catch a vampire.

I'm pretty good with wounds, you know.

Not to brag, but I once...

I once took a pig's heart and I put it into an Irish setter.

The dog didn't die for two whole days.

I can probably help you with that nose.

Thanks, it's fine.

Yeah, barely notice it.

What happened?

Snake bite?

Nostril cancer?

Some bitch sucker-punched me.

Can't be a sucker punch if you saw it coming.

Who said I saw it coming?

I'm missing gator season for this sh*t?

Well, they've been in there, like, forever.

Ten minutes.

It feel like longer.

Anyway, it all worked out in the end.

Some problems, like getting Genesis back, are too big for someone like you.

You were smart to call us.

You were smart to come when we called.

You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you.

What's a Genesis?

- A band.

- A band.

And we need Jesse, not you.

The way I see it, he doesn't need you either.

Without you screwing up for the 19th time, Jesse would've been out of this mess a long time ago.

Maybe that's his thing?

Screw-ups who sucker punch.

Love is weird.

Yeah.

Recognise that?

Soul Happy Go Go.

The world's largest soul retailer.

The Japanese.

Sabina must've been in business with 'em.

A man with your resources, you must have contacts there.

Of course I do.

The Grail owns it.

Warehouse in Osaka...

I see.

I could easily make that happen.

Good.

Do it.

Then you can borrow him.

Unfortunately, I'm on a time crunch.

I'll have an infiltration unit en route to Japan in two hours, but I need Jesse now.

Gran'ma, they must have hundreds of souls there.

Millions, actually.

I've seen the warehouse pictures.

It's like Willy Wonka's Oompa Loompa Room.

Hear that?

A lifetime of souls.

I love him.

More than anything.

But if you don't get me what I want, I'll make sure he's of no use to you or anyone, ever.

I don't foresee any problems.

Yeah, me either.

What is it?

Flufferman, enough with the roughhousing.

Pack a bag.

You're going to Osaka.

She is your infiltration unit?

I don't have a deep bench.

Just her and someone even less.

And for a job like this...

Well, you just said it'd be easy.

I lied to get what I wanted.

You do that a lot, don't you?

No more than industry standard.

Well, I don't like your industry, Starr.

You lie to me again, I'll give you two ugly eyes.

Change of plan.

Tulip, you're going to Osaka.

Excuse me?

Would you like to go to Osaka?

Break into a souls warehouse?

Security tight?

No, no, it's not really heavily defended at all.

Shut up.

Security's tight.

Well, what about you?

I got a date with this assh*le.

Where's Osaka again?

Japan, you idiot.

And that's a sucker punch.

Yeah, okay, I'll go.

You both will.

You know every speck of dust in your house is like a microhistory of your life?

There's 63,000 different kinds of fungi.

You know, there's 16,000 different species of bacteria.

- And there are spores...

- I...

I don't care about that right now.

Right.

Right.

Do you trust me?

I do.

- Do you choose this freely?

- I do.

Do you forsake the sunlit world and surrender...

What is it?

"To our dark and scarlet urging." Sorry.

Our dark and scarlet urging?

I will.

You know, you don't have to do this.

I want to.

Don't you?

Okay.

That's enough, brother.

Tomorrow, my child, you fly.

It's okay if it feels good.

Do you wanna get out of here?

Your target?

Soul Happy Go Go.

Located here, in Umeda, the business district.

There's a sublime sushi omakase at the Imperial Hotel.

Doubt you'll have time, but if you do, keep your receipts.

Normally, of course, I'd send for the souls via FedEx, but the Allfather would catch wind and start asking, "Why?" And right now, I'm two buttocks away from being rolled into human paste.

Cover story, sir?

You are Veruca Weiss, a mid-level operative in Grail HR.

- Will I have a limp, sir?

- You and your limps.

What you need is a cover story for that nose.

Way ahead of you, sir.

Phosphorus fire.

I've decided Veruca's an amateur chemist.

She wanted to follow in the footsteps of her father, a brilliant professor at Caltech, but when her mother passed away in an unfortunate...

Fine.

You're Janie Finch, also in HR.

No, no, no.

I'm...

No, I'm Marnie Pomerantz.

I mean...

That's always her cover.

You gotta let her be Marnie.

What's she like?

Marnie.

She's tough.

She fights hard, obviously.

Chews gum, whatever.

Chews gum?

Interesting character.

Very complex.

I'll show you complex.

- That doesn't make any sense.

- Yeah, it does.

You are Grail operative Janie Finch, and so you will be wearing this.

Can I talk to you a sec?

Hey.

This is how we do it.

This is how we win.

You go with Featherstone, I go with Starr.

This is so dumb, Jesse.

Pairing up with the world's biggest backstabbing double-crossers.

- You serious?

- Yeah, well, we're all out of options.

Chances are, one of us is gonna make it back here.

If it's me with Genesis, I'll k*ll Gran'ma.

If it's you with the souls, then you pay her off and you run.

She is gonna push me, okay?

If I get on a plane with her...

- Well, don't let her.

- She's gonna push me and push me, and I'm gonna pull some stupid O'Hare sh*t like always.

Enough with the "curse of the O'Hare" crap.

- Right, like you've never thought it.

- I haven't.

- Bullshit.

You have.

- Well, if I have, I was wrong to.

You're the toughest, most surviving-est woman I ever met.

"Surviving-est"?

I like that.

If Flufferman gets up in your grill, just close your eyes and...

Breathe.

- Breathe?

- Yeah, and you'll be fine.

I am not wearing that suit.

All right.

Hey, check this out.

I...

Stop doing that!

Sorry.

You know, I'm just...

Giving a little helping hand.

You'd think I'd have a tail at least.

You know?

Give it time, brother.

You've only just started.

Give it time?

It's been, like, three hours.

Maybe more than that.

Have you ever had cat sex?

I can do this.

I want to be able to lick my own feet.

That him?

Man with the cat?

Yeah.

We need him alive.

And the cat-man?

Do whatever you want with him.

Saddle up.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Not one g*dd*mn word.

Okay.

Some sort of polyester blend?

- What did I just say?

- All right, I'm sorry.

You ever been to Japan?

Nope.

Never even tried sushi.

You going back to New Orleans?

First thing in the morning.

Check on Cass while you're there.

I may not get a chance.

Check on him, Jesse.

He's your best friend, and I'm worried about him.

I would love to go myself, but I'm not allowed on aeroplanes any more, since they tightened up the watch list.

Too bad.

But Jody will take good care of you.

Time to go.

Watch your ass, okay?

You watch yours, too.

You watch your ass, too...

Sir.

I'll call you from the car.

Why?

Yeah, I'll text you from the plane.

Why?

I'll see you when the mission's done, sir.

Excellent.

The game's afoot.

Jesse.

Give me a minute.

I like your hat.

Thank you.

Yeah, I had a hat once.

It was made out of possum guts.

You know possum guts?

It was...

It stank to high heaven 'cause I didn't cure the flesh, I didn't cure it right.

But the thing I loved most about...

Excuse me.

Yeah.

You go right ahead.

So, you're leaving?

No, you're not.

No, you're gonna stay here with me.

Because T.C.

is making chicken biscuits for supper, and you, you love chicken biscuits.

So that's it, then, you're gonna stay.

Gran'ma, this is a good thing.

Gonna finally get what you want.

What you've always wanted.

I hope so.

Otherwise, I'll tear you in half, suck out your soul and send you to Hell the way I did your mama.

It won't come to that.

Trust me.

You'll come back to me?

I'll come back.

Okay.

I promise.

The flying's coming along.

The animal transmutation?

A work in progress.

But the mesmerising...

All right.

That was embarrassing, mate.

I'll tell you what, you're making fun of me?

You, a man who's off his face off one glass of bloody absinthe?

It was a glass and a half, actually.

I always cursed the day I was turned, you know?

Just being what I was, like.

Maybe you're right, maybe I've just been doing it all wrong?

Perhaps I have as well.

Been on this planet for over 300 years, and I'd never done a bong hit until tonight.

That's pitiful.

There are other ways to make up for lost time, though.

You know, I teach an absolute bloody masterclass in angel dust.

That's because you're a junkie nonpareil, Cassidy.

You calling me a junkie?

A wanton, riotous junkie.

And I love it.

Hey, so here's an idea.

I heard about this underground sex club down the road down there.

Cassidy!

Squeeze him!

Abomination.

I've built up quite the tolerance to tranquillisers over the years.

How's yours?

Oh, sh*t.

Why so glum, chum?

No.

A mouse?

Jesus Christ, I didn't know you could do that.

Given enough time, we can do anything.

This is all my fault.

No.

No.

There will always be those that want to hunt us.

These aren't your average vampire vigilantes.

Look, my friends...

These people, I got mixed up with them and...

I'm sorry, I have to go.

No, you don't.

Look, you don't understand.

They're a worldwide death cult.

And now, for whatever reason, they're coming after me.

No.

Cassidy...

They won't just be coming after you.

They'll be coming after us.

Thank you for flying Intercontinental Airways.

Please enjoy your flight.

That's mine.

You're not reading it.

Well, I was gonna.

Relax, Janie.

You can look at the pictures when I'm done.

Back it up, O'Hare.

We have now reached our cruising altitude of 35,000 feet.

Sit back, relax and enjoy your 16-hour flight.

How many people have you driven to the airport?

Hundreds.

Thank you, Eccarius.

For letting me be your emissary.

Should probably get going.

Don't wanna miss the plane.

There is no plane.

There's never been a plane.

What do you mean?

Eccarius?

Why would I send another vampire into the world?

A filthy piece of vermin, spoiling, stinking falling into despair.

You're a vampire, too.

Yes.

And I'm the worst one of all.

We are gonna get my soul?

Correct.

And that will make Genesis work?

Yes.

Then I will be your Messiah?

Exactly.

What if I make Genesis work and I don't wanna be your Messiah?

This is not the time for plots and subterfuge.

There's too much at stake.

You're going to have to trust me.

You and your industry-standard lies?

Custer, when you make a promise, it means something to you, yes?

That's right.

Well, I want you to promise that when Genesis starts working, you won't betray me, k*ll me or force me to have sex with you.

Promise me that and I promise I will take you to your soul.

Then I promise.

- Again?

- Again.

Herr Starr.

Speak.

I lost him, sir.

The vampire.

I had sun lamps and Catholics, but I let you down.

I will let you down, Hoover, into a vat of acid if you fail this mission.

Understand?

Yes, sir.

I've got a few other ideas up my sleeve, so...

This new colour is pretty.

I like the sparkles.

You smudged the pinky toe.

No, I didn't smudge.

This little piggy...

- Miss Marie?

- What?

Well, I wanted to...

What's a "Genesis"?

It's the first book of the Bible.

Dear Christ, you're simpler than a box of empty baskets.

No, no, I know that.

I know all the Bible books.

What's "a Genesis"?

Theodore Charles, where in the world did you ever hear about that?

Your offices?

We relocated, but yes.

My soul is here?

In the reception area as we speak, waiting for your arrival.

I just want you to know, no matter what happens from here on out, I'm with you, Messiah.

Yeah, right.

But if you want your soul, if we're going to make this work, you are going to have to k*ll him.

Who?

Jesse Custer, as requested, sir.

Thrice blessed, O Custer.