06x04 - In Search of Forgiveness, Not Permission

[bunniefuu]

- This is Auggie.

- The foster family felt he would be too much to handle.

- We'll do it.

We'll foster him.

- I have to make some changes around here.

The ED has not been running as effectively as it could be.

A good leader takes responsibility for everything that happens on his watch.

- I'm testing a brand-new heart failure drug.

With some hard work, I think we could fill this trial in a matter of weeks, not months.

- Why do you do the one-night stands?

They all end up the same.

With you alone.

- There she is!

Our fearless leader.

- Returning from exile.

- How you doing, Michael?

You look good.

You look fit.

- Moving back home.

Solid meals instead of takeout.

The only positive thing about being furloughed.

- The hospital lifted restriction on nonessential personnel on-site.

- Mm-hmm.

- Device reps are being allowed into the OR.

- Gotta go, Ma.

Catch you later.

- All righty.

- Doc C.

- I'll see ya.

Oh, Sharon.

- It is so great to see you, to see you in the flesh.

- Yeah, thanks, Daniel, and it's about time.

COVID protocols have been working for months.

Even with my diabetes, there was no reason for me to stay at home.

- Watch out, Med.

She's back!

- You, uh, care to join me for a nasal swab?

- Would love to.

- After you.

- Ooh.

- Oh.

- Sorry.

Good morning.

- Hi.

- Good morning.

- Sorry, I didn't see you coming up.

- No, I didn't see you going in.

- Well, no harm, no foul.

- Mm-hmm.

See you around.

- Yeah, catch you later.

- See ya.

- Okay.

- I'm not gonna say anything, but I saw that.

- You saw what?

We just caught each other by surprise.

- Right.

Did you want me to pass him a note in homeroom, too?

- Ha, ha.

- Maggie?

- One second.

- We're friends.

That's it.

- Mm-hmm?

- Mm-hmm.

- Mm...

hypothetically though, if it were to be that kind of attraction, what do you think?

- I don't know, Nat.

Crockett?

Is he really your type?

Oh.

- Sorry, I just gotta deal with this before it gets out of hand.

Done.

Last time I pick up the phone.

Promise.

- Trust me, I know how busy you are.

I really appreciate you making the time to check in.

- Only way to cross it off the list is to get it done.

Like dealing with expense reports, managing doctor-nurse staffing levels, let alone a distribution plan for a possible COVID vaccine.

- Wow.

A lot of stuff.

- Yeah, but I can handle it.

I guess my--my years on active duty, the COs I learned under, chief of the ED is what I've been trained for.

You know, this is an opportunity for everyone to step up.

We need to do the job better than ever.

- Buddy, I think it's such an admirable attitude, you know?

It just might be a good idea to keep it in the back of your mind, you know, not everybody is as, um...

combat-tested, if you will, as you are.

People are just exhausted.

For most of them, doing better, I mean, is, like, getting through the day.

- Yeah.

Listen, my first tour, I really struggled.

Far from home, no sleep...

Marines dying every day.

I went to my CO, told him I was exhausted.

You know what he said?

"Now's not the time, Choi.

You can rest when it's over." - I get it.

- Look, Dr.

Charles, I know I'm not gonna be able to please everyone, but that's not the mission.

I was promoted to right the ship.

- You gonna get that?

- I gotta cut this short.

- Do your thing, man.

Appreciate you stopping by.

- Sure thing.

Dr. Driskell, what do you got?

- Drew Corbett, 62-year-old male, eight days-plus presenting with COVID symptoms.

In and out of respiratory failure the past three days.

- All right.

- Drew married his high school sweetheart.

His wife, his two kids, his three grandkids, FaceTime him every day.

- Labs?

- Suggestive of a cytokine storm.

We're trying to get it under control, but his vitals are still unstable.

- What do you want to do?

- Keep him on a high-flow O2, start him on a COVID cocktail.

- Good.

- V-tach.

No pulse.

- Open his airway.

Bag him.

I'm on compressions.

- No.

Hold compressions.

Charge to 200.

Draw up an amp of epi.

- He's unstable.

Needs to maintain cardiac profusion.

- No compressions.

Hospital policy.

CPR aerosolizes the virus, puts you all at risk.

You know that.

- Paddles.

Clear.

- Amp of epi, recharge the paddles.

Shock him again.

Shock him again!

- Clear.

- Please let me do compressions.

It'll keep his heart alive.

- No.

Run it again.

- Clear.

We did everything we could. .

- Ms. Goodwin, welcome back.

- Thank you.

- I haven't had the chance yet to compile the nightly numbers, but I'll get them to you ASAP.

- No hurry.

We can go over them later.

I'm just making rounds, saying hello to everyone.

Mags, who's up?

- Uh, Treatment 5.

Just sent it to your iPad.

- Thanks.

And hey, I'd like to get the treatment rooms turned over within ten minutes of a patient being discharged.

- With UV sanitizing?

- Yeah.

- I can't get it in under 15.

- Try.

And please make sure the equipment carts are restocked three times per shift.

- Okay.

- Hey, Mr. Lowry.

- Dr. Lowry.

Plastic surgeon.

- Excuse me.

Dr. Lowry.

What's going on?

- I became lightheaded during a surgery.

Minor procedure, too.

Lipoma removal.

Fatty tumor.

Stain on the body.

Had to go.

Anyway, I felt myself going limp before I could remove it.

Didn't lose consciousness.

Nevertheless, my surgical assistant overreacted.

Called 911.

- She did the right thing for your safety and your patient's.

- I am the patient.

- I meant who you were operating on.

- Yeah, that's me.

- You were operating on yourself?

Of course.

I'm not gonna settle for anything less than perfection.

- May I?

- Mm.

- Um...

I'm seeing other scars here.

These pectoral implants?

- Indeed.

Very proud of them.

- Oh.

Liposuction?

- Had a six-pack.

Now it's an eight-pack.

Filler, too.

Can't tell, can you?

- Everything you've done here looks-- - Perfect.

I told you, I know what I'm doing.

- Even so, your BP's soft.

Likely hypovolemia from blood loss during the procedure.

- I'm well aware.

I am a doctor.

So hang a liter of LR and I'll get outta here.

- Actually, I prefer normal saline.

Also, let's type and cross two units of blood to replenish the loss.

As for the lipoma, we can finish that up.

I'll call Plastics for a consult.

- No, thanks.

You do it.

- It's best a surgeon handle this.

- Disagree.

Surgeons don't take advice very well, especially from other surgeons.

It's okay.

All you have to do is follow my instructions.

- Dr. Charles, I got a patient for you.

Todd Lowry, 43, plastic surgeon.

He's been operating on himself, a lot.

Doesn't think twice about the risks.

- Interesting.

Doctors, we know best, right?

Keep diagnosing ourselves, writing our own scripts.

Been guilty of both myself.

- Sure, we take some liberties, but Todd is way past that.

These aren't just Botox injections, they're invasive operations.

- Huh.

Let me, uh, let me have a chat with him, check back with you.

- Thanks.

- Does that hurt, Isabella?

- Sort of.

Um, it's not pain as much as just tightness.

- All right, well, I'm not feeling anything overt, but you are really clenching your ab muscles.

Why don't you try to take a deep breath and relax?

- Relax, yeah.

I wish.

2020 kind of took that off the table.

- Stomach's been a mess for a few months now.

I should've come in sooner.

- Well, you're here now.

All right, we're just gonna do a quick X-ray, so if you could stay still for a second.

- So, um, what did you see?

- Well, your bowel does look distended and there is a moderate amount of stool.

When was your last movement?

- A few days ago.

Actually, they've been here or there for a while.

Could I just be constipated?

- Well, I do want to run some labs and get a CT, but yes, this could just be stress causing you to clench the muscles in the back the way you're clenching your abs.

It's not the tight ass I would've wished for, but then again, it's still a Zoom world so I guess no one's really looking anyway.

- There you go.

All right, a nurse will be by in a minute, okay?

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Ah, so, Doris, I need-- - No.

Mm-mm.

That's your sweet voice.

I know what that means.

What's he want now?

He put together a list.

- You know, I was never a fan of Dr.

Lanik, but Ethan?

- Whatever that means.

- That he sucks.

- Oh.

- I've been learning Italian.

- I noticed.

You're planning a trip?

- I took an ancestry DNA test a few weeks ago.

I knew my grandparents were from Chile.

I had no idea though that their grandparents were from Naples.

- Oh, that's cool.

I've never been to Italy.

It's on the list, though.

Until then, you, Trini, and Hank take the first three.

I'll take the rest.

- So no running on the treadmill?

- Nope.

Only bloodwork and an echo, Mr. Gessner.

- What about the meds?

Hospital's pushing aspirin for 30 bucks a pop.

Heart disease pill you're selling?

Bet I'd probably need a second mortgage to pay for that.

- If you qualify, the pharmaceutical company covers all costs.

- I like that.

- So, uh, what do you say?

Can I enroll you?

- No.

Sorry, too risky.

- What?

How?

Mr. Gessner.

- You know, my ticker's not great, but the pills I'm on are working.

COVID, though?

That bug is a wildcard.

I-- no, no, no hospitals till I've got the vaccine.

- Please don't hang up.

The COVID ward is completely contained.

No contact with where you will be in the ED.

- Yeah, says you.

- Hey, it's the truth.

I'm there all day.

I've never felt safer.

- Okay, I guess I can come in this afternoon.

- Mr. Gessner, thank you.

I'll see you later.

- Nice job.

He almost got away.

- God, too many of 'em have.

That's why I'm behind on my quota.

Millions suffer from heart failure, April.

I had no idea how difficult it'd be finding them.

- I don't get it.

We get cases in the ED every day, not to mention Cardiology.

- And they've thrown me a bunch of files.

Unfortunately, the study's exclusionary criteria weed out a lot of patients.

I am meeting a cardiologist at Chicago Congress later this morning, hoping he'll throw me a few patients, but-- and I'll, uh, keep pitching the Med patients that are left.

- I'd like to help.

- Yeah?

- When I was in the COVID ward, I felt like I was a part of something so much bigger than myself.

I'd like to feel that again.

I'll make time.

- Welcome aboard.

- All right.

So why don't you focus on your meeting?

And I will reach out to the rest of these Med patients.

- All right.

- Great.

- All right.

- Dr.

Manning, all this, it's...

- Tumor.

Her abdomen is full of cancer.

.

- Cancer?

Um, I don't understand.

I'm--I'm only 21.

I should've come in the moment that I felt something was off, but I live at home.

Both my parents are high risk for COVID.

I just didn't want to bring it into the house.

- We understand.

You thought you were doing what was right.

- Am I gonna die?

- No.

Hey.

Look, we'll confer with Oncology, but I believe that this section and then this section too are amenable to resection.

- Resection?

Um, that means surgery, right?

- That's right.

The more tumor I remove now, the better your position for cancer treatment later.

- Okay.

- Hey.

I know you're scared, but you can win this fight.

- Wow, that's impressive.

I mean, not just the attention to detail, but I mean, the focus that must be required to achieve that.

- Flattery.

Really?

You're the head of Psychiatry.

I'd figured you'd use something a little more clever to get inside my head.

- Oh, come on.

We're just, uh, we're just having a little chat.

- Okay, fine.

I'll buy it.

But scrap the pats on the back.

I know I'm good, you don't need to tell me.

- You mind if I sit?

- This is invasive.

Tumor already has a blood supply, has invaded the surrounding tissues.

- Yes, but there's two clear areas of focus around the left lobe of the liver and the same with the inferior poles of the kidneys here.

- I don't think so.

My experience, CTs are rarely as accurate as they appear.

Tumor already looks like a nightmare.

What's actually going on inside is a disaster.

- Okay, look, all due respect, Dr. Gillen, I'm not pushing to operate to boost my résumé.

I want to save Isabella's life.

- So do I.

This CT, though, worst-case territory.

A biopsy and appropriate chemo regimen are the safest first step.

Perhaps surgery down the line.

- Perhaps?

- She's very sick, Dr. Manning.

If we'd been able to treat her earlier-- - Well, we weren't.

- I understand.

And in that time, her cancer progressed too far.

- So that's it?

- Dr. Gillen has her opinion, I have mine.

- So how'd it go?

Did Dr. Lowry, plastic surgeon, shrink himself?

- Not really his priority.

- Putting him on a five-day, then?

- A psych hold?

Why?

- Dr.

Charles, he cut himself open.

- Yeah, because of body dysmorphia.

Which is driven, ironically, by a desire to perfect his body, not to hurt himself.

- Maybe not intentionally, but that perfectionism clearly clouds his judgment.

We need to step in.

- Well, the thing is, BDD isn't something that we can just fix.

You know, Todd's gotta develop an entirely new perspective on his body.

That's gonna take time, you know?

- You know a guy like Todd isn't gonna go to therapy voluntarily.

We intervene now or this just gets worse.

- I hear you and will, uh, will take that under advisement.

- Hey, Mags, where are we on those changes to the nursing room team?

- Ethan, we're short-staffed.

I'm doing what I can.

The other nurses, too.

It's Ben.

Give me two minutes?

- Yeah.

Just get the changes done, okay?

- Yeah.

Hey, babe.

What's up?

- Auggie's not feeling so hot.

Temp's a little high.

He hasn't thrown up, but feels like he might.

- How's his energy?

- Low.

Doesn't even have enough strength for "Minecraft." That's a red flag.

- Can you put him on?

- Sure.

- Hey, little man.

- Sorry for bothering you at work.

- There's nothing to apologize for.

Can you do me a favor?

Can you lean in real close to the phone and look into the lens so I can see your eyes?

Okay.

Thanks, honey.

You can go back to resting.

- So what do you think?

- Natalie needs to take a look.

- Okay.

I'll bring him in.

- Yeah.

- Are we there?

- I hope not.

- You've been seeing results?

- So far, yes.

Study's still small, but the data has been very encouraging.

- It always is in the early phases.

But I've seen a lot of heart failure trials come and go.

Is this the real deal?

- I hope so.

Yesterday, I treated a woman in the ED.

Massive MI.

She's now on a vent in the CCU and the odds are not on her side.

But if this oral inotrope works, what happened to her may not have to happen to anyone else.

- Okay.

Sold.

I'm in.

- Wonderful.

Thank you, Dr. Mayfield.

Your patients will really help the study.

- That's great for your hospital.

Now let's discuss mine.

How's 30% sound?

- Sorry.

Uh, 30% of what?

- Your patient enrollment fee.

A kickback?

- That's a harsh word.

I prefer we call it quid pro quo.

- Well, call it whatever you want.

It's unethical.

I can't do it.

- I'm afraid I can't help you.

- Look, I'm from Canaryville.

I get that one hand washes the other, but that's neighborhood politics.

This is science.

- Yeah, this isn't Chicago Med, Dr. Halstead.

There's no university backing or Wall Street investment or billionaire benefactors.

I cannot afford to give away patients for free.

I'm sorry.

Good luck with your trial.

- Appreciate your time, Dr. Mayfield.

- Ms. Goodwin, I've discussed all the risks with Isabella.

She wants to proceed with surgery and I'm confident I can do it.

- This isn't about your ability, Dr. Marcel, it's about the state of Isabella's cancer.

Dr. Gillen is the head of Oncology.

I will not override her decision.

- Ms. Goodwin, without being able to resect part of the tumor, the chemo won't work.

Please.

We are where we are because she was protecting her family.

She deserves our help.

- This virus...

not only is it still k*lling people, but it's forced thousands of others like Isabella to delay or even interrupt treatment.

Not just cancer, but all chronic illnesses.

Look, I wish I could help every patient.

But the honest reality is some won't be able to be saved.

- World kinda sucks right now, Ms. Goodwin.

- Yes, it does.

Yes, it does.

- Thank you.

- We'll call over to the Mayo Clinic, Sloan Kettering, see if they'll do the surgery.

- Yeah, worth a try.

I'm gonna fill in Isabella.

- Oh, I'll come with you.

- Oh, actually if you don't mind, I'd like to do it alone.

I sold her on this surgery.

It's up to me to tell her I spoke too soon.

- Okay.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

.

- Pull slowly and evenly.

- I am.

- No fragments?

- No.

All clear.

Okay.

We can move on.

Easy.

- I'm controlling the bleeders.

- No, you're frying healthy tissue.

- All right, I'm calling Plastics, they'll finish up.

- No, look.

We're almost done.

I don't have the energy to start over with someone new.

- Then please let me do my job.

Rather you'd use absorbable sutures.

- Can you grab 3-0 absorbable Vicryl sutures off the cart?

- Actually, Monocryl ones instead of Vicryl.

- We don't have that in the ED.

I'd have to call OR, have them sent down.

- I just want it done right.

- Me, too.

But second-guessing every move I make isn't gonna get us there.

- Fine.

Vicryl will do.

Yeah.

- All right, let's see.

Okay.

- I'm sorry, Auggie.

I know that we're doing a lot of poking around.

- It's okay.

I trust you.

- I'm gonna go talk to Dr.

Manning for a minute.

Okay?

- All right.

- Okay.

His liver's failing.

- Yes.

He's stable, though.

Adjusting his meds will ease his discomfort.

- But?

- It's time to admit him.

Get him on the transplant list.

I knew this day would come.

I've been preparing.

I thought I'd be ready.

I-- - I know.

It feels like you're alone right now.

But you're not.

I am here for you, okay?

- Last one.

Good.

The nurse will dress the wound.

That guy's impossible.

On me the entire procedure.

- Yeah.

He is challenging, I'll give you that.

- And he's a doctor.

If he's reckless with his own health, he could be reckless with patients.

He shouldn't be practicing.

- Well, except that people with BDD tend to be pretty rational.

I mean, except when it comes to their own bodies, you know?

And that tracks with Dr. Lowry.

I mean, talking with him, it's clear that he just doesn't have the same issue with his patients as he does with himself.

- Maybe the medical board should be the one to decide that.

- Well...

I think I'm pretty qualified.

- I didn't-- He's more unstable than you think, Dr. Charles.

- Ooh, look on that face, I'm guessing the meeting was a bust.

- Huge.

Doctor over there, Mayfield?

He's got a ton of patients but he won't share any unless I pad his pockets.

So I walked out.

- Good.

You shouldn't partner with someone who's just in it for a payout.

- Of course, turning him down means I'm back to square one: short on candidates.

How'd the rest of the Med files go?

- I called them all.

There was definite interest.

No one committed, but I told them you'd follow up.

- Fingers crossed.

- Hey, it was a tough morning.

But Ed Gessner's coming in, right?

Still a win to be had.

- Yeah, you're right.

Keep looking forward.

- Yeah.

- Maggie, you've got to understand.

Auggie has a rare blood type and no family to reach out to for a direct donation.

- Sharon, please don't be an administrator right now.

You're my friend.

Just level with me.

How long might it be before Auggie gets a liver?

- I'm not sure.

Gift of Hope oversees the transplant list.

The hospital has no influence over that process.

- But you know the system inside and out.

Experience must be giving you some kind of a gut feeling.

- Auggie's not critical, so I imagine at this point, he's low on the list.

- So we have to wait for Auggie to get sicker.

And the donor's liver is gonna be hard to find.

It might not happen...

will it?

- I don't know, Maggie.

I'm sorry.

- No, I understand.

The spread is extensive.

Yes, mm-hmm.

That is the plan our oncologist recommended as well.

Okay, thank you, Dr. Webber.

- Dr. Manning.

- Just one sec.

- I'm sorry, but this can't wait.

- Where?

- 6.

- Oh, my God, Crockett.

You've gone rogue?

Have you lost your mind?

- I've overstepped, okay?

But the bigger issue is this.

Dr. Gillen was right.

Deeper I go, more tumor I find.

- Peritoneal studding, carcinomatosis.

There's cancer everywhere.

- Yeah.

Her kidneys are overrun.

I mean, my first instinct was to remove them, but that'll tie Isabella to dialysis.

- No way she'd be able to tolerate the chemo then.

If you can't leave the kidneys in and you can't take the kidneys out, then what's left?

- Ex-vivo.

Remove one kidney, debulk it of as much cancer as possible, then re-implant, re-attach, and repeat with the other one.

- Crockett, ex-vivo surgeries are still experimental.

There is no guarantee the kidneys will work once you put them back in.

- Maybe.

- You didn't call me up here to debate this, did you?

- Natalie, if we don't do this, Isabella dies.

- I'll scrub in.

.

- Hey.

How'd the follow-up calls go to the Med patients I reached out to?

- Two out of eight.

- It's something.

- Here he is.

Mr. Gessner.

Hey, Mr. Gessner.

Welcome!

What the hell?

Why isn't the ambo using the COVID entrance?

- I don't know.

Must be backed up.

- What's he doing?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, Mr. Gessner.

Wait, please.

- You said it was safe!

- It is, I swear.

Hey, the ED is nowhere near the COVID-- - I don't care!

- Please, please don't-- Mr. Gessner!

Hey, I just--just-- Okay.

- You can let Commander Choi know treatment rooms are being turned over within ten minutes, as ordered.

- Okay, great.

- While I've got you, I have a cousin in Rockford who needs a hand.

Pregnant, three kids in homeschool.

I know it's a pain, but can I get a few days off next week?

- Yeah, sure.

- Grazie, grazie.

La mia famiglia.

- All right.

All done.

You see?

That only took two seconds.

- What's it for?

- To find you a liver.

All right, sweetie.

- Right kidney's looking good.

- Great.

Seems luck is on our side.

Just gotta finish closing the capsule.

Then we can reimplant and move on to the other one.

- Dr.

Marcel, you scheduled a central line insertion.

- We had a complication.

Had to expand.

- Okay.

- You scheduled a central line insertion as a cover to book the OR?

- I needed the room with as few questions as possible.

Figured I'd cross this bridge when I got to it.

- Well, we're there and it doesn't seem like she's gonna be looking the other way.

Only a matter of time before we're found out.

- Yep.

- What are you doing?

- I don't like your wound, your eversion.

- No, no, no, I closed out all the dead space.

It'll heal seamlessly.

- The dimples.

They need to be fixed.

- Don't, don't!

- Get off!

Get off of me!

- Please, please!

You're hurting yourself!

Need some help in here!

- This is all your fault.

They're not perfect.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Dr. Lowry, Dr. Lowry.

- Soft restraints!

- No restraints, no restraints.

- Get off of me!

- Five of haldol.

- Not yet.

- He needs to be sedated!

- Ethan!

I'm gonna be the one who makes that call, okay?

Let me handle this.

Hey, hey, Todd.

Look at me, look at me.

Right here.

What's going on, buddy?

Breathe with me, all right?

In through the nose.

Look at me.

- Okay.

- In through the nose.

Out through the mouth.

- I appreciate it.

- He's a lot calmer-- - Don't you ever interfere with the treatment of my patient again.

- Buddy, you're way out of line.

- Me?

The guy's ripping himself to shreds.

I told you he need to be on a hold.

You sh*t that down and here we are.

- That's right.

And locking him up still isn't the answer.

Neither are restraints or sedatives.

- How can you say that?

He's harming himself!

If you would've just helped me, we wouldn't be in this situation!

- How's the left kidney?

Pinking up yet?

- No.

Still purple.

Orientation is good, though.

No rotation.

Inflow artery isn't kinked.

- Doppler it.

- Doppler.

- Sounds monophasic.

There's blood flow, just not enough.

- Okay.

Marty, get her blood pressure up.

5,000 units of heparin, let's go.

- Meds are in.

- No change.

- Look, we've been able to resect a lot of tumor.

Two kidneys would be ideal.

One's enough for her to tolerate chemo.

Last knot.

Snip.

Moment of truth.

Unclamp the vein.

Nice and easy.

Easy, easy.

Then the artery.

- It's pinking up.

Strong blood flow.

- There it is.

- I am going to have you both fired.

How is she?

- In great shape.

We're about to close.

- Glad to hear it.

Nevertheless, she's the last patient either one of you will ever see at this hospital. .

- Dr. Mayfield.

Thanks for seeing me again.

- Course.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

So many patients.

It's always something.

Don't have to tell you that, though.

I mean, we're all in this together, right?

- Well, to that end, I've had some time to reflect on our earlier conversation.

Realized there's always a way to find common ground.

I mean, that is, if you're still interested.

- I am.

Come on in.

We'll talk details.

- Yeah.

- Hey.

Um...

I just wanted to apologize for my behavior.

I overreacted.

- Apology accepted.

Appreciate you coming down.

What did you, uh, what'd you do to your hand?

- Rough day.

- Tell me about it, right?

- After I, uh...

left your office this morning, there was a patient, Drew Corbett.

He d*ed.

Acute respiratory failure.

When Drew coded, the resident wanted to do compressions.

But that's against protocol, so...

I held them back.

- Okay.

- I stood outside the treatment room and I watched Drew die.

I wanted to pound on his chest.

But I just stood there and I did nothing.

Same as yesterday, same as it'll be tomorrow.

- Man, I'm just, uh...

I'm just so sorry you gotta go through that.

You know, maybe the reason that you-- you got so upset at Dr. Lowry is as simple as this.

I mean, it's very easy to look at body dysmorphic disorder as physical.

About the body, right?

But it's actually a control issue, right?

Not unlike...

feeling responsible for every patient's outcome.

Or wanting to keep an ED functioning perfectly in the middle of a pandemic.

- Lives are at stake, Dr. Charles.

I have to be effective at what I do.

- Yeah, but what if that's not always possible?

- So what?

I'm just supposed to give up?

Accept failure?

- No.

Accept-- accept being mortal.

Remember when we were dealing with your PTSD?

The, um, the serenity prayer.

How did, uh-- how'd that go again?

- "Grant me the serenity "to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can..." - And?

- "And wisdom to know the difference." - But even if they put his DNA into their database, doesn't it take a really long time to get the results back?

- I'm expediting the order.

Rush processing.

I mean, it's gonna cost us triple, but we'll have an answer by this week.

- I realize Auggie is low on the transplant list, but pinning our hopes on finding some long-lost relative?

- Ben, the internet is flooded with stories of people who have found family members through DNA databases.

This is gonna work.

- How can you be so sure?

- Because...it has to.

- You get Goodwin's text?

- "My office, now." So I guess this is it.

- Yep.

Let's get this over with.

- Okay.

You know, Manning, I put you in an impossible position today.

When Goodwin lays the hammer, I take the fall.

- Noble.

But I chose to scrub in with you, so whatever happens, happens to us both.

Okay.

- I don't even know where to begin.

My dismay at the risk you put your patient in, or the headache I have from Dr. Gillen screaming about how furious she is.

And by the way, her anger is justified.

That said-- incredible job.

- We're not fired?

- Trust me...

you came very, very close.

The board was with Dr. Gillen.

They wanted to see you two gone.

But I helped them see there's no PR value in a successful ex-vivo surgery if you fire the two heroes of the day.

- Thank you, Ms. Goodwin.

Thank you.

- Hey, Ma.

Ready to go home?

- Yeah.

Get outta here.

- Ma'am.

- Good night.

- Oh, so that's where you've been.

You okay?

- It is what it is.

But 100 patient files here and more on the way.

- Still, I'm sorry.

I know you had to make a deal you didn't really want to.

- End of the day, it's about saving lives The trial needs a chance to prove the drug can work.

Mayfield's patients guarantee that.

- Well, I am done for the day.

I can help you start sorting through those files.

- Thanks, April.

- Oh, my God, I thought it was over for us today.

- Yeah, me too.

.