01x20 - The Walk

[bunniefuu]

- You're hovering.
- [Motor buzzing]

Sorry. It's just...

Are you setting the table
so nicely to be helpful

or because of an urge you can't control?

No wrong answer.

For once in your life,
just leave me alone!

She really took full advantage
of that "no wrong answer" waiver.

[Buzzing continues]

Get that out of my face!

♪

Your drone is so easy to control.

It's all about quality, amigo.

This is the kind the CIA uses.

I have the kind you get on sale

that loses contact
with the remote at around feet

and then gets stuck in a tree.

Oh, you got to get
one of these... it's grand,

camera included.

grand? For a toy?

Well, it's not so much.

See, think about it... you'd
spend that on a purse, right?

No, I wouldn't spend that on a car.

Get this stupid thing out of my house

and tell him to take his drone with him.

Mom, you're not allowed to yell
at Cooper. He's a guest.

Anyone who eats at my house
three times in a week

is no longer a guest.

[Door opens]

Hi, guys.

Hi, Mrs. Otto, Mr. Otto.
I like the sweater.

Well, thank you, Eyo.

I was thinking of getting rid of it.

My shawl collars are often disparaged.

Aw, don't listen to him. It's lit.

No, it's not lit.

He's just kissing your butt.

Your sweater is a pox on this family.

Eyo, what have you done?

Hey, don't yell
at my boyfriend like that.

I have a boyfriend. [Chuckles]

We're going upstairs to study.

- What a sweet kid.
- Mm-hmm.

Cooper: Don't let his smile fool you.

- Those two... it is on like Babylon.
- Nothing is on.

Except for your stupid feet
on my furniture.

What is wrong with you, man?

Sorry. I just figured
since it wasn't fancy, I...

Move slowly towards the door.

Try not to show fear.

♪

[Breathes sharply]

Ooh, let's have my drone film us
cruising around on my Vespas.

That is so much cooler
than undocumented bike riding.

You've got the life.

I'm like one of those kids
born in prison.

- The kid's a terrible influence on Oliver.
- [Door opens, closes]

- I'm worried about Anna-Kat.
- You're right.

He's a terrible influence on her, too.

You know what?

I'm gonna get him to stop
hanging around this house.

Why do you always get in feuds
with children?

I should set up a meeting with Dr. Ellie

- so we can talk about Anna-Kat.
- Mm-hmm.

[Taylor and Eyo laughing]

But, first, I'm gonna check in
on Taylor and Eyo

and make sure it is not on like Babylon

or any other ancient Mesopotamian city!

[Taylor and Eyo laughing]

Eyo: At least I get to see you
one last time.

No, no, please don't leave me.

I love you.

Belle, it's me.

It is you.

[Gasps] Dad!

How's the studying going?

I was just being the Beast.

Yeah, I can see that.

From "Beauty and the Beast."

He was just helping me
rehearse a scene for drama club.

Oh.

Well.

I'm gonna leave this open

and sit a few feet from your door...

as is my custom.

♪

And he thinks he can act
however he wants

because his family's rich,
and it's rubbing off on Anna-Kat.

Plus, he was one of those faces
you just want to punch.

Well, let's call Anna-Kat in

- and ask her what she thinks.
- [Door opens]

Cooper Bradford has nothing
to do with how I've been acting.

- [Door closes]
- Typically, children in the hall

don't overhear what's said

because the parents...
aren't quite so loud.

It's you guys... you're always
watching me and whispering.

Am I washing my hands too much
or too little?

Am I exhibiting "behaviors"?

We also whisper too loud.

I'm turning , and you're
treating me like I'm a toddler.

I think Anna-Kat is conveying
a legitimate feeling.

- Damn right.
- I've got this.

You're overconcern
may be fueling her anxiety.

What do you suggest?

Fight the urge to help her so much.

Give her a little more independence.

Hmm. Is that what you would like?

Yeah.

Okay.

Daddy and I will try
to give you more space.

[Whispering] I still think
it's Cooper Bradford.

Anna-Kat: It's not Cooper Bradford!

I got to work on my whisper.

♪

Okay. Here is your class.

Have a good day, honey.

Why don't you take that sweatshirt off?

Or keep it on...
I'll leave it up to you.

Get your own apartment if you want.

♪

Katie, wait up!

Katie: Holly Kent...
over-involved class mom.

She only has one kid,

so she's super optimistic
and full of life.

I have no patience for that.

I'm so glad I caught you.

I just wanted to return
the Tupperware you dropped off.

Thanks.

Anna-Kat's birthday cupcakes
are still in here.

Yeah, they're in violation
of the class snack code.

Gluten's a non-starter.
It's an allergen.

No, it's not.
That whole thing is made up.

There was no such thing as gluten-free

when I was a kid, and guess what.

Nobody d*ed from Wonder Bread.

Well, that was a long, long time ago.

It wasn't that long ago.

Just give them the cupcakes
and mind your own business.

The safety of our children
is my business.

You'd really be willing
to take the chance

that a child's throat would close up

and they'd die
right in front of your eyes

for a cupcake?

Oh, my God. She's right.

Dr. Ellie is right.

Now I know firsthand how Anna-Kat feels

being smothered by ridiculous,
hysterical over-parenting.

It's the worst.

Holly, thank you for being
so terrible, truly.

Thank you.

♪

[Laughs]

Eyo: [Chuckles] You have, like,

perfectly symmetrical nostrils.

[Laughs] I mean,
it's kind of my thing, so...

What else is your thing?

Well...

Check out my symmetrical
flaring nostrils.

Dad!

Hey, love your shoes, Mr. Otto.

Really? Well, th...

I see what you're doing.

♪

[Groans]

How's the studying going?

- Just finished.
- Great.

Cooper, time to go.

But before you do, head downstairs

- and load the dishwasher.
- For real?

You want to hang at my house,
you're doing chores.

A chore is manual labor
that you do around the house.

Hmm, interesting.

Yeah.

♪

Hi.

We're not checking in on you,
just saying hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

So we thought, since you were turning ,

you might want to have a say
on what we do for your birthday.

I'd like to have a candy-themed party.

Candy it is.

And for my present,
you promised when I turned ,

I could walk to the library
all by myself.

Mommy said that?

Maybe you're not remembering correctly.

I was and / , and we were
sitting on the front lawn.

You were wearing that purple
sweater with the missing button.

There were big, fluffy clouds.

You said one looked like Dan Aykroyd,

and I said I didn't know who that was.

A car with a Florida
license plate drove by,

- and you said one looks...
- Okay, so you remember.

I've been dreaming
of this day ever since.

Well, then, a walk alone
to the library it is.

Yes!

Taylor, I think I just became a tween!

- [Whispering] Are you crazy?!
- [Whispering] Don't be mad at me.

Be mad at past Katie.

She's the idiot who signed off on it.

We can't let Anna-Kat wander
the streets alone,

even if the library
is a few blocks away.

Well, Dr. Ellie made us promise
not to be overprotective.

I don't see how we can say no.

You put us in a terrible situation.

Again, not me... past Katie.

That girl was all sorts of trouble.

- [Plate shatters]
- Cooper: Sorry about the plate.

I assume it wasn't expensive.

Is it okay to hate a -year-old?

Oliver, I think I just became a tween!

Is letting Anna-Kat walk by
herself really such a big deal?

I mean, when I was a kid,
I would run all around the neighborhood,

and my parents had no idea where I was.

Same with me.
My parents weren't worried.

Actually, I think my mom
was slightly bummed

when I showed up again at night.

I had no freedom at all.

My parents sucked the joy
right out of my childhood.

Isn't that how
you raise your children now?

Mm-hmm. Why should they get off so easy?

Ugh. I'd love to bring my kids
up the way I was raised,

but Celeste won't have it.

She watches their every move
and has turned them into wusses.

I say, "Go play in the backyard,"

and they say,
"You want us to be kidnapped

and grow up in a hole
in the ground chained to a bed?"

- Some days I do.
- But it's not right.

We should let our kids be kids...

ride bikes, climb trees,
throw sticks at alligators.

- It's a Florida thing.
- Oh, absolutely.

The less supervision we give them,

the more self-reliant they become.

It's called "free-range parenting."

No, no, no. It's free-range chicken.

You are not even trying
to pay attention.

I am half-listening.

Statistically, it's safer today
than it was years ago.

And Westport is a very safe town, right?

- Absolutely.
- So what's the verdict?

Are you let Anna-Kat walk
to the library all by herself?

If I don't let her do this,
I'm as bad as Holly Kent.

She's creating a community garden
to bring together our children

and the residents
of the Westport Retirement Home.

[Scoffs] She needs to get a life.

♪

- Granola bar?
- Yeah.

Mnh, no bueno.

Hey, I don't know what you do
in your house.

- Oh, it's more of an estate.
- Excuse me?

Well, there are several houses
on the property.

It's called "Juniper Hill."

And there's this dude who
welcomes you at the gate.

- Maurice.
- Right, Maurice.

He says, "Welcome to Juniper Hill,"

- and then gives you an iced tea, right?
- Katie: Stop talking.

I don't care what kind
of fancy-ass hill you live on.

Here at the Otto Estate,
we don't waste food.

Finish it.

[Chuckles] Wait. Is she serious?

Mom, this is why
no one ever waves us over

to join them at the beach.

If he wants to be in our house,
he lives by our rules.

[Dramatic music plays]

Dude, just eat it, man.

When you're done with that,
I want you two morons

to hang these in the trees,

where the candy-cane forest is gonna be
for Anna-Kat's birthday.

[Chuckling] Why isn't
your party planner doing that?

Oh, I don't hire party planners,
and I don't hire hitmen.

I do all the work myself.

You feel me?

♪

Talk to your wife.

She made my friend eat
out of the garbage.

- What? Care to explain?
- Nah.

- [Door closes]
- [Both laughing]

[Forced laugh]

What are you doing?

Playing Red Rover.

Come on, Eyo.

- Care to explain that?
- [Door closes]

- Nah.
- She's , Greg. She's pretty.

She's got my face and my body

before the misery
of childbirth ruined it.

It was only a matter of time
before she got a boyfriend.

And as boyfriends go...

I just don't like
the pace it's going at.

- She's growing up.
- Well, shut that down.

Love this irrational,
protective side of you.

And while we're on the subject,
I talked to the girls,

and Angela says, statistically,

kids are safer than when we were young.

Made me feel better

about my promise I made to Anna-Kat.

Statistics mean nothing if
something happens to your kid.

You're right. What was I thinking?

Sending her out into the forest
like Little Red Riding Hood.

That sweet little story
ended in identify theft

and a double m*rder.

Oh, God.

How do we tell
our tragedy-obsessed daughter

that we're too afraid of the world

to let her walk
a few blocks to the library?

Well, let's just lie to her.

You've gotten on board with lying.

Finally, something we can do
as a couple.

[Chuckles]

Katie: We were all set
to let you walk to the library

- after school tomorrow.
- All set.

But I didn't know the rules
that this town has.

Apparently, in Westport,
you have to be years old

to walk across the street by yourself.

- We're sick about it.
- So sick.

But we don't want you
to go to jail, so...

How about if you walk me
across the street

in front of our house?

- Come again?
- Then I can make it to the library

without crossing another street.

Problem solved.

Problem solved, Greg.

Great job.

I should never have lied.
Nana was right.

If you're feeling unsure
about anything at all,

you can always ring
a neighbor's doorbell.

The Lintons live there,
the Sealanders there.

They're the Bumgarners.

Best skip that house.

Whenever our recycling bin
overflows, I put it in theirs.

They've caught me like three times.

- Got it.
- Okay,

let's say a van pulls up
and a very nice person says

he has your favorite type
of candy and invites you inside.

- What do you do?
- Does he have Pop Rocks?

- Anna-Kat!
- Kidding.

I do what you taught me...
no, go, yell, tell.

I say no, run away as fast as I can,

yell my head off,
and then tell a trusted adult.

Good. And that goes for anyone

stopping to ask for directions
or offers to give you a ride

or asks if you want to get in
their car and pet their puppy.

- How cute is the puppy?
- Anna-Kat!

[Laughing] Kidding.

You guys are too easy.

Okay, well, so, the library
is just right up there.

Easy peasy.

Easy peasy.

Okay. What's your info?

Phone number... - - .

Address... Woody Lane,
Westport, Connecticut, .

- Perfect.
- Okay.

Trial run's over.
You go back to the house.

I'm ready to go it alone.

[Sighs] She's ready.

Yeah, but are we?

I don't know. I'm so drained.

Kids should really come
with a warning...

do not have kids.

♪

Anna-Kat is on her way.

Good side... we're not
those crazy helicopter parents.

Bad side... we let our favorite child...

You're not even hiding it anymore.

...go out into the big,
scary world by herself.

- How can we do that?
- We're not.

- How we coming, boys?
- It's up and running.

We're following her with Cooper's drone.

[Gasps] That's brilliant.

Okay, we got eyes on her.

[Gasps] There's my baby! She's alive!

Oh, no, her shoelace is untied.

She's gonna trip and cr*ck her...

Oh, she didn't need us to tell her.

She's doing it on her own.

I think this was a good decision.

Oh, hey, there's Taylor and Eyo.

Yeah, follow them.

- What are you doing?
- Dad, that's not the mission.

What the hell?

Told you... it is on like James Caan.

- It is.
- Greg, it's fine.

- Keep your eyes on...
- That is not lit.

Greg, stop!

[Drone buzzing]

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

[Thuds, static crackles]

Nice work, Greg.
Anna-Kat's off the radar.

Why couldn't you let Eyo
play a little grab-ass?

That drone was $ , .

We'll call it even for the broken plate.

I'm calling the library
to make sure she made it okay.

I'd be more worried about Taylor.

You crashed a drone into her.

Hi. I was wondering
if my daughter was there.

She's , cute.
She's got red Converse sneakers.

She's there. Oh.

- Thank you.
- She made it!

[Both laughing]

- Oh.
- This is so ridiculous.

She walked a few blocks,
and we're celebrating

like the French when Lindbergh landed.

I know!

Wasn't he the guy
whose kid got snatched?

Go clean the toilets, Cooper.

Dude, she's serious.

♪

[Doorknob squeaks]

[Gasps] You're home!

[Laughs]

Oh! I'm finally glad you learned
to stop smothering me.

How was your walk?

- Great.
- I'm so glad.

Until a car started driving
next to me real slow.

- What?
- And then the window rolled down.

- Who was it?
- Me.

I followed her to make sure
she made it home safely.

Thank you.

I can't believe you let an -year-old girl
wander the streets all by herself.

Technically, I'm still .

What kind of mother are you?

A gluten-feeding, non-grape-cutting,

"letting them swim
right after they've eaten"

mother of three who slams
the door on know-it-all moms.

Leave me alone!

[Door slams]

That's how you deal with weirdos
who follow you home.

Got it.

♪

Katie: Apparently, Holly Kent
told everyone I'm a terrible mom.

I hope she has another kid

and they try for a third
and they end up with twins.

I love it when that happens.

- Katie.
- Tara.

So we'll be seeing Autumn
at Anna-Kat's birthday party?

Yes, and I'll be there, as well.

It's a drop-off party.

If I wanted an adult party,

I would throw one and not invite you.

Yeah, well, I'm not leaving
my child unsupervised.

She's not going to be unsupervised.

Greg and I will be there.

We don't trust you
to look after our children.

- "We"?
- Yes, we.

Aw, man. Why don't I ever
have a crew behind me anymore?

Five or six Cuban girls would
come in real handy right now.

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

[Laughter]

Look at all this sugar.

What's the theme of this party...
type diabetes?

- [Chuckles]
- Just being around it

makes me want to go
to a sweat lodge in Sedona.

What kind of mother allows this?

The kind of mother that allows her child

to roam the streets by herself.

Autumn! You know better.

Sugar kills.

It's a Pixy Stick, Tara.

Maybe if you pulled the stick
out of your...

Tara, hi. I'm so glad
you and Autumn could make it.

- Hey, Mom.
- Hola, Mrs. Otto.

Oh, great. You're still here?

Don't you have a home?

Seven of them... Aspen, Lake Como...

Shut up. Go finish landscaping
Lollipop Lane.

Cooper, are your parents
at their home in Gstaad?

Oh, it has a moat,
so technically it's a castle.

Well, tell them we miss
seeing them at the club.

But I miss them the most. I'm Sage.

I love how everyone kisses your ass

because your parents
are the richest people in town.

Yeah, it's pretty deluxe.

Grown men call me "sir."

- I don't see Eyo. When's he coming?
- He's not.

- And I have you to thank for it.
- Me?

We both know this relationship
is a bad idea.

I appreciate you scaring him off.

Oh, you just had to go ahead
and agree with me

and ruin everything.

♪

I heard Eyo's not coming.

- It's my fault.
- Yeah, it is.

Look, I think Eyo is a great kid,

but you have to understand
what it's like

when you see your little girl
with her first boyfriend.

It's not easy for me.

But I'm not a little girl.

[Chuckling] I know.

But I have to start
getting used to that.

I just want to make sure

that you're making the right decisions
and not going too fast.

Dad, I got it. You have to trust me.

You're right. I do.

Dad?

Thanks for looking out for me.

And don't worry...
sex is not on the table.

Sex was on the table?
I was worried about second base.

Since I'm now ,

I'm allowed to walk
to the library all by myself.

How cool is that?

- Awesome!
- No way!

I want to walk to the library alone.

Me, too.

- No way.
- Absolutely not.

I wouldn't be a good parent
if I let you.

That's it. I don't want
to ruin Anna-Kat's party,

but I'm not gonna stand by...

Hey! You can't talk about
Mrs. Otto that way.

Do you have any idea on what
type of mother Mrs. Otto is?

Sure, she might come across
as rude and sarcastic

- and uncultured and...
- Move to your next point.

But Mrs. Otto is the best mom in town.

I mean, look at this party.

She did it all by herself

without a party planner
or nannies or chefs.

Who here can say
that they've ever done that?

Heck, my last five birthdays,

my parents haven't even been
in the country.

She doesn't care how rich my family is.

And she doesn't kiss up to me
like the rest of you.

She calls me on my crap,
which I kind of like.

It means that she cares.

So, everyone, calm down.

She let her daughter walk
to the library by herself.

Big whoop.

Now, leave her alone
or you're all off the list

for the Juniper Hill Winter Gala.

Comprende?

[All murmuring]

♪

Okay, cake time.

Who wants gluten?!

[Children cheering]

Hey, hey!

[Door opens, closes]

Hey, Oliver, come get ready.

We're taking the whole family
out to dinner.

Oh, you should try Lonergan's on Elm.

They have this Kobe steak
that's dry-aged for days.

Mm. We're going to
the Spaghetti Hut in Norwalk,

where the meatballs
are also aged days,

but that's not on purpose.

Well, I better be getting home then.

Where the hell are you going?

I said the whole family.

But first, get your stupid Vespa
off my lawn,

or I'll k*ll you.