03x06 - Part VI

[bunniefuu]

And in your reading, pay particular attention to what Ernest Hemingway and Langston Hughes had to say about rising fascism in 1937.

Any questions?

All right.

Hi, this is Leela.

I'm sorry I missed you. Please leave a message.

Hey, it's me again.

Look, I really need to explain everything that happened.

I know it's hard, but can you call me back, please?

Please.

If he did it, I...

I need to know what he did.

Was it an accident?

There were seven blows to the victim's chest, neck, and face.

But is it not possible that it was someone else?

I can't make the pieces fit.

I've known this man for 15 years.

Did you ever see him show any v*olence or a temper?

Never.

Not at all? No.

Did he ever tell you anything that stood out from his past?

Some kind of traumatic childhood experience, or injury, or... No.

I mean, he was b*at up pretty badly by a friend of his when he was little.

They worked that out.

He's got pictures of them in his old stuff.

That could be helpful.

Maybe I could look at them at some point.

Yeah.

What about his parents? What kind of relationship...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Did he get along with them?

His mom passed when he was young.

Ah.

His dad is totally absent, which Jamie should be angry about.

Uh-huh. Jamie doesn't get angry.

He just blames himself.

Even with us, he...

Two years ago, we were having a hard time.

Jamie was depressed, and I got frustrated, and...

I had an affair.

It was a stupid thing.

But when I told Jamie about it, he...

He just wanted to know what he did.

He was never angry. Not once.

And he stayed by me.

It's 11:00.

You're supposed to be at your desk at 9:00 a.m. and stay there.

Time to dig in. Harry, what the hell?

What the...? Jesus.

Look, I just wanna say, I'm not happy about what I did, but I had to.

How about I just do my work, and you do yours?

Come on, Ambrose. Try to see it from my side.

I had to follow protocol.

Without that, everything falls apart.

I was protecting you. Honestly.

I've been watching you on this, and you're so deep in the trees with Burns, you haven't seen horizon in days.

Someone had to pull you out.

What Kierkegaard was defining was the qualitative distinction between God and man.

Man is so infinitely different from God, he can only communicate with God indirectly.

What about the potential to actually encounter God?

Not sure what you're getting at.

"When two people relate to each other authentically

"and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them."

Are you suggesting we take a conversation between two humans so seriously that we challenge the awesomeness of God?

No, but if the conversation generates the God presence...

So you're positing man creates God?

Maybe. In a way, I guess.

So you "maybe" and "in a way" are challenging the importance of an all-powerful God?

I just thought...

Can God create a rock he can't lift?

Yeah, Thomas Aquinas is not on the syllabus for this class.

Can you answer the question? Mr. Haas...

If you answer yes, then there exists in the world a rock that God can't lift, ergo he's not all powerful.

Answer no, and he can't create such a rock.

Again, not all powerful.

So the very idea of an all-powerful God is a human creation and a flawed one at that.

All right.

Enough trick questions. Let's return to Kierkegaard.

Wow, nice and neat.

Is you roommate pre-law a**l or pre-med a**l?

Pre-med.

Listens to Nickelback when he's feeling naughty.

Right again.

That's my mother. She passed away when I was 12.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Did your dad pick up the slack on the parenting front?

Um, yeah...

Not really.

Mine neither.

And my mom's still around doing his dishes.

I keep thinking about the wife too.

Leela.

Can you imagine waking up after all those years, realizing you have no idea who your husband is?

How'd your painting go today?

Nice redirect. Oh.

I'm sorry.

I have to stop thinking about Jamie Burns.

Are you here?

Now I am.

I talked to my dad.

He and my stepmother are going to the Amalfi Coast for Thanksgiving.

Who goes to the Amalfi Coast for Thanksgiving?

Exactly.

Screw it. I'll stay here with you.

What?

No, you should go home. Why?

It's just a stupid ritual driven by the cranberry lobby.

I'll hang here with you.

"Have you courage?

"Not courage before witnesses, "but the courage of hermits and eagles, which no longer beheld, even by God."

It's exactly what you were saying in class that day about man creating God.

But it goes further. Keep going.

"Brave is he who knows fear but conquers fear.

"He who sees the abyss, but with pride.

"Who grasps the abyss with the eagle's talons, he has courage."

The courage of the ubermensch.

So you don't forget.

What do you want?

Oh.

I could ask you the same thing.

Is that necessary? You're trespassing.

And you're stalking my wife and f*cking the detective that's after me.

You wanna tell me what that's about?

Are you scared of me?

Yes.

You think I might k*ll you?

How do you know I haven't called the police?

Have you?

What the hell is all this?

You've been following me?

I wanted to see you.

Really see you.

I realize that wasn't the right way, but...

But you couldn't help yourself.

No.

You've been painting me?

I have been trying.

Though with you, it's difficult to know how.

Why? I'm not sure.

I think it's because you're not in control.

These photos are part of your process?

Yeah.

May I?

How long have you been seeing Harry?

Only a week or so.

And what does he tell you about me?

He worries about you.

He worries about me?

About what I might do?

Both.

Are you gonna show him these pictures?

No. Why not?

Because this is about you and me.

Will you take off your clothes?

May I come closer?

Why don't you try?

Look at me.

Right there.

You have to tell me what happened.

Is this all because of Nick, or...

No.

No, I've always felt this way.

Nick just gave me the words for it.

Felt how?

Like we're all living the wrong way.

Nobody seems to care.

And you felt that way with me too?

I...

Did you k*ll that man at the party in Brooklyn?

You gotta tell me, whatever it is, if we're gonna have a chance...

At anything.

Did you do it?

Lee, it was just a moment, okay?

I was so lost, and that guy...

What? Did he provoke you?

No, he was helping me.

And then he turned on me.

What do you mean?

I was so helpless, and then I couldn't control it.

It came over me.

What do you mean you couldn't control it?

I need help.

I need you.

What? Are you against me now?

No.

I don't know. I don't know.

Lee.

It's me, it's me. It's still me.

I know.

I have to go. I...

No, Lee. Please don't. No.

I don't know.

There's... nothing really is jumping out.

Except maybe this. He's with this kid, Charlie.

Oh.

Who apparently, at some point, b*at him up.

You think this is the thing?

The trauma that led to all of this?

A lot of kids take a punch.

It doesn't necessarily turn them into K*llers.

Boys, you mean.

It's just, I can't figure it out.

First, he kills his close friend, and then a complete stranger, and there's no consistent trigger.

And he's gonna do it again. I know it.

What if it isn't one thing? One trauma?

What if it's just...

A life? A million little things?

Little cuts, year after year.

Does that turn you into a k*ller?

Sometimes a dam breaks.

I think he just wants to be seen.

Why do you say that?

He...

I don't know.

Men want intimacy just like anybody else.

They long for it.

But they're taught that if they're vulnerable, they're not men.

It's like there's this cultural expectation that's innately traumatizing.

Maybe.

I feel sorry for all of you.

Wounded little boys.

All right, everyone. Let's settle down.

Ready to start. Here you go.

Thanks.

Are you okay?

I just wanna get this over with.

You're ready for this. Don't worry.

Mr. Burns.

Yeah?

What are you doing here?

I'm proctoring the A.P. exam like I always do.

I sent you an email last night.

Tracy was gonna take the lead on this.

I must have missed it.

I'm so sorry.

Please follow the directions on page one of your packets.

You have exactly one hour and 45 minutes starting now.

May I have a word with you outside?

You need to go right now. Tracy can finish up.

I'd rather stay.

I wanted someone else proctoring this exam and you were informed of that.

I...

There is nothing else I can do.

Give me one good reason why I should listen to you right now.

Fine, you wanna turn this into something ugly?

I can do that... Mr. B?

It's Emma.

Guys, stand back.

Everybody, just give her some room, okay?

Jesus. Call the paramedics.

Okay, let's get her on her side.

Oh, my God. What did she take?

Courtney, what did she take?

Adderall. Like, a lot.

Oh, Jesus. Okay.

Okay, hey, okay. God.

You're okay. You're okay.

I'm not doing this.

You don't know what you're gonna do yet.

That's the game.

Haven't, like, 17 people d*ed over the years?

That's because they didn't know what they were doing.

There's rocks everywhere down there.

Come on.

Jamie. Come on.

sh*t.

You see this notch here?

If you jump from right here, you'll land in the deep water.

I don't want to do this.

Neither do I.

But if it's our fate, we have to.

Oh, f*ck.

Pick a number. No.

Pick a number, or I'll just jump now.

Four.

Color?

Green.

This is our mutual fate. It's gonna read jump or stay.

You ready?

God. Come on.

No.

From the notch. Nick.

Nick!

Whoo!

Now you!

Come on.

Jamie!

I'm so sorry.

No, do not apologize.

This is my fault.

I...

I've been going through some things, and I haven't been there for you.

Not the way I should.

We have to be...

We have to be there for each other.

Because most people don't understand.

But we have to keep going. We do.

Even when it's hard.

What are you doing here?

I'm sorry.

I was just checking in on her and making sure she was okay.

Please go.

Mom, he's only trying to help.

It's all right. It's all right, I'll leave.

Eli told me about what happened.

That man who came by your place.

Oh, look. Uh...

That was just, he dropped by. I wasn't expecting him.

Eli said he was your friend? No, no.

He's just someone involved with the case that I'm working on.

And you punched him?

I was trying to get him to leave.

I...

I don't understand. Was he threatening you two?

You want me to talk to Eli?

Did it scare him to see me like that?

Dad, the problem isn't that he was scared.

It's that he liked it.

And he's been acting out what you did over and over.

Why don't I talk to him? I'll clear it up.

No... It'll be good for him and me.

I think it's better if you don't see Eli for a while.

Mel, nothing like that is ever gonna happen again.

It's what I want.

He's too impressionable right now.

Okay.

But what does that mean for Thanksgiving?

We're... We're gonna spend it with mom.

Okay.

You've reached Jamie Burns. Please leave a message.

Jamie, I'm sorry about what happened at the house the other night.

We need to talk. Call me when you can.

Ladies and gentlemen, just a little reminder.

We have only one hour left for the silent auction, so make those bids.

And look for Mike Zukowski to get in on the 50/50 raffle.

No, I actually am looking for investors.

I have a lot of ideas and I've been wanting to grow the business, so I'd definitely be interested.

Well, then we should meet and discuss.

I really like what you're doing.

Great, great. Let me get you my card.

Hi. I'm Leela's husband, Jamie.

Jamie. Hi.

Peter, Sandy. Peter, hi.

Sandy? Ah.

Did you get a bid in? Oh, yeah.

We've got the lead bid right now.

Lead bid? Yeah.

All right.

Are you kidding? That's crazy.

This basket is worth three times that.

You know what? I'll bid it up right now.

Jamie, don't. What?

I... sorry. It's for the kids, right?

It was good to meet you. This is my information.

And I look forward to meeting up.

Likewise. Good luck.

Thank you. Nice to meet you.

Yeah. Have a great night.

What are you doing? I wanted to help out.

But I asked you not to come.

Lee, I didn't want you to be alone.

People are staring.

Whatever, all right?

I don't care. It's just small town gossip.

It's a town that I need to buy my stuff.

Okay, Lee. Okay.

Oh, Jesus. You okay?

Can you... can you please just give it a break?

Just please, please leave. What?

Please. I'm not doing anything.

Come on. Don't make this a scene.

Don't. Don't f*cking touch me, man.

She wants you to go. I want you to f*cking go!

All right?

Look, I... I'm sorry...

Don't. I just wanted to...

I don't want to cause any trouble, I just...

I wanted to be here with you.

Come on. Let's just go.

Walk with me right now.

What the f*ck is your problem, man?

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Easy now.

Easy now. Let's calm down, all right?

Why don't you take a walk with me, sir?

I was just trying to talk to my wife, okay?

Let's just walk towards the door, sir.

Nice and easy... No, no.

I haven't done anything wrong.

Listen, I could take you into the station for disorderly conduct, or you can come with me right now.

Sir, let's walk. Lee.

Sir. What?

Walk. Come on, let's go.

This way.

It's okay. Nobody cares.

Nice and easy.

All right, why don't you just go home, all right?

Go home? Go home?

f*ck you. This is harassment.

Do you want me to arrest you?

Go home. Go.

Why?

Hey, frowny face.

You're f*cking up my Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving dinner.

Sorry.

So you chickened out.

You didn't jump.

Punishing yourself isn't the answer.

Yeah.

I don't know.

What?

I've always been like this.

Just like my dad. I hate it.

Don't you get it?

You're supposed to be scared.

You signed a contract. Contract?

When you were born, you made a deal with fate.

We all did.

If you agree to keep living, you have to accept the terms.

You aren't immune to anything, you can die at any moment, and anything you gain in this life, you'll eventually have to lose.

That's kind of depressing. It's the truth.

The crime is pretending otherwise.

Expecting the world to be safe, for things to always stay the same.

That's not life. It's delusion.

And that's why you jump.

You jump because it's f*cking terrifying.

You jump because you wanna live.

Come on.

Come on. Let's go right now.

Here we go round the prickly pear.

Prickly pear, prickly pear.

Here we go round the prickly pear at 5:00 in the morning.

Oh, my God. No way.

Oh, no God here.

Put your faith in the notch.

Nick, I'm not doing this in the dark.

We can't even see the bottom.

This is your moment.

This is where you decide who you are.

Right here, right now.

Why do you need me to jump too?

Why... why can't you just do all this on your own?

The only reason I was able to jump is because you were there with me.

He would've ripped that chair apart if he could.

He kept bashing it over and over and screaming.

It reminded me of guys I saw in Afghanistan.

The stress pushes them to the edge, and they start f*ring, they don't care who they hit.

But, anyway...

I know lately I haven't been much help, but this guy's on the verge.

I have Pandolfi on him now, but, I mean, we need something to bring him in.

I don't have anything.

The most I can hope for at this point is a confession.

You know what his problem is? He's got no faith.

No higher power.

I'm telling you, I... I've been to that edge.

After two tours of duty, I was all f*cked up.

And man, that is not a place to be alone.

But when you're out there staring at nothing, faith is the only thing that'll get you through.

It's Pandolfi. Yeah?

Okay.

Okay.

Got it.

Burns is waiting for you at the school.

He wants to see you.

Good.

What are you gonna do?

I can't let him hurt anybody else.

We gotta be on guard.

I mean, this guy is capable of anything.

With the slightest problem, you call me, okay?

I'll be tracking your phone.

If you don't hear from me by the time you wake up, come find me.

Wait, not until then? Are you sure?

I'll be all right.

Glad you wanted to talk.

You've had a pretty rough night, from what I've heard.

A bit.

But things are becoming clearer now.

Well, you got my message.

I'm sorry about what happened at my house the other night.

You were scared. That's all.

We all are.

We never want to admit that, though, do we?

We'd rather be angry. Yeah, maybe.

What happened in there, made me realize I've been doing this all wrong.

I've been so scared and trying to go backward.

That's why it's been so hard.

I've been trying to fight what's happening to me.

But Nick said it all along, you have to accept the fear.

Embrace it.

And that's when something new opens up.

Oh, well, you can't keep going on like this.

Neither can you.

It's strange, isn't it?

The one person I need to talk to is the guy who's trying to lock me up.

I'm just trying to understand you.

No, you're trying to solve me.

I know that underneath all the detective work, the case, all of it, you want the same thing I do.

And what's that? To step into the abyss.

To find some kind of relief.

And that's what you did with Nick.

I want to show you.

It won't be easy for either of us.

But it's the only way you can really understand.

Show me.

Here we go round the prickly pear.

Prickly pear, prickly pear.

Here we go round the prickly pear.

Prickly pear, prickly pear, at 5:00 in the morning.

What are you saying? What is that?

It's T.S. Eliot. "The Hollow Men."

Nick would always say it.

It's about fear, I guess.

How we circle and circle what we want, but never reach for it.

This grave was supposed to be like the one we dug back at school.

It was never about k*lling.

This is for us.

You buried each other.

Once.

It didn't matter who went first.

We flipped a coin.

First, the boards go over you, then the dirt.

The piping was so you could breathe, or you'd run out of air.

And after the necessary time, we dug each other up.

The necessary time?

Four hours, eight hours, ten.

It's better not to know exactly.

And you did this, why?

So you could see what it is to die?

To actually touch the void.

Smell it.

It's only then that we see past our delusions.

We did that for each other.

And now I wanna do it with you.

Why?

Because I want you to experience it.

The freedom you feel when you move past fear.

And you need that again now? Yeah.

Look, there's a more honest life than the one we've been living.

And I know you've felt it too.

This is our chance to find it.

I know I would dig you up.

What guarantee would I have that you would do the same for me?

Harry.

The whole point is to witness each other, to be there for each other.

Leaving you underground defeats the purpose.

I can't do this alone. I need you.

Here.

This is my confession.

To both of them.

Take it. Go on.

If I leave you down there, your colleagues will find that on you.

There's no way I won't go to jail.

But if I dig you up, you burn it.

Is that what you need?

Yeah. Then take it.

Why are you doing this?

I could refuse to burn it.

I'm willing to take that risk.

And after we do this, you'll realize a confession doesn't even matter.

You flip.

Heads, I go first. Tails, you go first.

Keep the pipe near your face.

You'll run out of air if you don't.

Oh, it's...

Hey. Hey.

Hey! Jamie!

Jamie. Jamie.