05x06 - Cookie Monster

[bunniefuu]

- Hi, Mr. Kim.

- Hi.

How's the golf elbow?

Feeling better?

Yeah.

Much better.

Great to hear.

Mrs.

Kim, how was the church fundraiser?

I'm sorry I couldn't make it.

Yeah, we raise lots of money.

Thank you for asking.

Yeah.

What's her name?

Anita?

No.

Clara.

I think it start with a "S".

- Sandra?

- No, more a hippie name.

Alex?

I don't think so.

You know, it's a battle of willpower.

I shouldn't come in when I'm hungry, and I know this, I do.

I think I just choose to forget.

Listen to me, going on and on, like the Chatty Cathy that I am.

- Cathy.

- Cathy.

$ .

, please, Cathy.

You can tap.

(SNORTING)

I know, a mile a minute.

Don't know when to shut up.

That's okay, Cathy.

Have good day, Cathy.

You know that's not actually...

Forget it.

Oh, we never forget such a good customer.

Like you, Cathy.

I get your point.

(DOOR CHIMING)

I'll write it down.

"Cathy." Last name "Chatty".

♪ ♪ I'm in the middle of my run and I can't hold my pee anymore.

But it's a residential street, so...

- You didn't.

- Oh my God.

Yup.

Peed on a driveway between two houses.

- Oh!

- No, you're lying!

No, I swear it happened.

Yeah.

That's so horrifying.

I know!

Anyone want a refill?

Yas.

APPA: Okay, tell Magic Mike put clothes back on, eh?

(APPA CHUCKLING)

Appa...

Just a joke, huh?

Oh.

Hello, Tara.

Hi.

JANET: Uh, this is Liv.

Oh, and is your last name "Andletdie"?

Oh my God...

Sorry?

Liv... 'and Let Die'.

Like James Bond.

Oh!

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

I just get paper towel.

Hey, I know the supplies are down here, but can we at least pretend to have some boundaries?

I pretend you have boundaries.

You pretend I'm not here.

Huh?

(LAUGHING)

This remind me of a time when Janet was little and have a friend over for birthday party.

Wish I could keep you all down in the basement forever.

Oh.

Okay...

(LAUGHING)

Thanks, Appa.

Yeah.

I go now.

- Bye, Mr. Kim.

- Bye, Mr. Kim.

Nice meeting you Liv...

"Inthemoment".

Oh!

(LAUGHING)

Please, just go.

Yeah, okay.

Relax, Janet.

You only "Liv" once, huh?

(LAUGHING)

Yeah, your Appa has lots good word to "Liv" by.

Oh, I "Liv-ing" on a jet plane.

(LAUGHING)

Kimchee!

Kimchee!

Oh my God!

Don't sneak up on me.

You yelled my name.

Yes, because I'm looking at our numbers from this past month, and we are...

(SIGHING)

In trouble?

- Killin' it!

- Good.

I thought I had to fire someone.

No, we're way up from last quarter.

Ruth from corporate will finally be off our backs.

Well, at least mine.

She really didn't like it when you called her a wiener.

I sent her a card.

She hates cards.

Perhaps we should reward 'tout le g*ng'.

Okay!

I'll get some donuts for tomorrow.

Mmm, I'm thinking bigger.

Montreal style bagels?

A dinner party chez moi to show our appreciation.

Really?

Seems like a lot of work.

Exactly.

I'll send out a group email.

♪ Why you only bring up paper towel?

We need cr*cker, bean, tomato soup, ketchup...

Janet need boundary.

She's adult.

Adults don't ask mommy to do laundry.

Janet, time to wake up!

Huh?

(JANET GROANING)

APPA: Good morning, Janet.

You have fun time last night?

Oh!

Yobo... you drop spice.

UMMA: What?

(SNIFFING)

This is...

No!

It's not yours!

Of course it's not mine.

This is "malee-hwa-na".

My friends brought it over.

I didn't use any.

Your eyes all red and you hair's all messy, Janet.

I literally just woke up.

You friend bring this into my home and you're okay with that?

After all we go through with Jung!?

Okay, but if Jung was doing what he did back then now, he'd be a legitimate business.

APPA: Can you believe?

Well...

Your Umma can't believe, I can't believe!

You is right, Yobo, she has too many boundary!

(JANET SCOFFING)

Why are you doing like this?!

Seriously?!

♪ Whoever's going to Shannon's party, I'm leaving in five.

Way to blow the surprise.

It's not a surprise party.

We were all invited.

I didn't see your name on the email.

That's how group emails work.

Are you ready?

Just a sec.

Seven o'clock?

- Cocktails.

- : ? A fun get to know each other game.

- : ?

- You know, I think we should skip the get to know each other game.

We already know each other.

That assumption, Mister, will be blown away by the game.

Thanks again for making me do all this. Can you imagine if I was just relaxing and playing video games instead?

I know, right?

Ya welcome.

So, when do I take the salmon out?

Oh my God, when did you put it in?

Uh...

- Make sure it doesn't burn.

- In the freezer?

You haven't taken it out of the freezer yet?!

Oh my God!

- It needs to marinate! - Can it do that frozen?

Okay, take it out of the freezer now and leave it on the counter.

I'll be right there.

Sorry, guys, but I'm gonna need a minute head start.

A little salmon issue.

I mean, it's a big salmon, but just a little issue, and we still gotta curl the vegetables and puff the apple roses, too.

- Sounds fancy.

- What?

No.

No, no, no.

It's just a fun, casual 'thank you for all the hard work' thing and a 'welcome back, Jung' soirée thing.

Pick a lane.

I guess we can hang out at my place for a bit.

Thank you, guys.

It'll be so worth the wait.

KIMCHEE: But when we get to my place, I just need five minutes to...

you know, flush and brush.

How do you flush your teeth?

Okay, fifth floor, D Building, eight o'clock.

Okay.

No, this is a first time MRI.

Thank you.

Bye.

What?

MRI is very busy.

Have to make appointment when I can.

You let me stand there alone, and get yelled at over my friends' pot, when you had me getting you this!

(WHISPERING)

Janet.

Relax, Umma.

How can I say anything?

Your Appa is angry even when doctor say it's okay treatment.

Why should you care?

Look, I'm sorry Appa yell at you and I don't say anything.

So, you don't want this now?

Yeah, give it to me.

You have the money?

You gonna count?

Well, now I am.

Sorry about the salmon...

and the ceviche.

I just thought, a couple of minutes in the microwave couldn't hurt.

"Marinate overnight"?

Why would you put that at the end?

Does it have to be airtight or is that good enough?

Just cover the whole thing.

You were saying something about tenting?

Oh no!

I forgot the ice.

I can make ice.

Why are you italicized?

Oh my God.

I haven't even started balling the dragon fruit.

Oh.

Sounds like a fun move we might wanna...

I'll get the ice.

And preserved lemons!

And have you heard back from Kimchee?

Not yet but don't worry.

It's all gonna be great.

You know when it's gonna be great?

- When I get the ice?

- Yeah.

- Got it.

- Great.

Please fill.

Mandatory drug test.

Look, I know the rules and I'm sorry I let my friends bring their pot into the house.

I glad to hear you say that.

I gave it back to them and now it's done.

Good.

But for the record, pot is legal.

It's basically like alcohol now.

It's a drug, Janet.

And I don't care what government say is legal or not legal.

If government say is legal to, uh, s*ab a clown, you gonna go s*ab a clown?

Some people want to use pot for pain caused by an illness, for example.

Marijuana is a gateway drug to heroin, cocaine, cr*ck and other things like that.

Okay, not true.

Yeah.

FOX news, Miami, marijuana make a man eat face off other man.

Well, I'm glad Liv and Tara didn't eat my face off last night.

That's right, Appa, why do you think they were laughing at your jokes so much?

They were high.

(GASPING)

Maybe you high right now.

I'm thinking I'd like to be.

Why're you being like this, huh?

Why're you trying to bring shame to our family?

Appa, you're overreacting.

I overreact?

Think of your Umma.

If all of Umma friends at church find out you doing marijuana, then she can't go to church anymore.

So much shame because of you!

Then, why did she ask me to buy her some?

Yeah.

Medicinal marijuana.

But she hasn't tried it yet because she's afraid you're gonna lose it if you ever found out!

I know, crazy, right?

Why would she ever think that?

♪ So, what you want to happen? ♪

♪ Get to the point, like cactus ♪

(KNOCKING)

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Uh, you coming?

Why?

What time is it?

- It's eight.

- Seriously?

Guys, we gotta go.

Hey!

Jung!

I texted you, like, half an hour ago, man.

I texted back.

Or I may have forgot.

Catan got pretty intense.

Nobody has brick.

All right, guys, Shannon's waiting, she's got everything set up.

Let's go.

I can't wait to find out what the surprises are.

It's not a surprise party.

And that's not how surprise parties work.

But I almost got Longest Road.

Finish your drinks and let's go.

Game is done.

Says the guy who's losing.

KIMCHEE: Because I keep getting robbed!

Why don't you just build a settlement over there?

Use your three-for-one port.

Why would you tell him that?

I'm building a settlement over here using my three-for-one port.

Now, who has brick?

Nobody's got brick.

Yet!

I'm buying a development card.

Hey...

(SIGHING)

(SIGHING)

(DOOR OPENING)

What take you so long time?

You almost late.

Sorry, church meeting went long, then streetcar went slow.

I almost have to take your MRI.

I am so hungry.

You have snack?

Maybe you have 'munchie'.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah.

Then get chip from machine for your 'munchie'.

Why you say like that?

You asked Janet get marijuana for you!

What?

Yeah.

She tell to me everything.

Aigo.

I knew this was gonna happen.

I should never get that cookie.

What cookie?

Pot cookie.

What's a pot cookie?

They put marijuana pot inside the cookie.

But marijuana we find downstairs is in a bag.

That's Janet friend marijuana.

What flavour is your cookie?

Chocolate... something...

Pistachio?

You eat my pot cookie?

It not taste like pot cookie.

How much you eat?

Well, it's such a small cookie.

How long ago you eat?

Why you keep pot cookie inside bedside table?!

Mrs. Kim?

We're ready for you.

Just sit.

Don't do anything.

No problem.

Everything okay.

What you say?

Uh, I didn't say anything.

So do I.

So do I.

(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Soon.

Soon.

(DOOR OPENING)

Well, it's about time!

Come on in.

Put your jackets on the bed...

Actually, I'll just keep my jacket on since I'm heading back out.

Oh.

Wow.

You really went all out...

and no one showed up to your party.

Oh, they're on their way.

They're just a little late.

Actually, I can stay.

No, No.

Get back out there.

Have fun.

Because I really can't stay.

But I could maybe invite some friends over.

No.

Seriously, it's fine.

Good, 'cause that'd be weird.

Plus, they'd probably be vexed when they realized I'm not here.

Oh, they just texted.

Five minutes away.

Phew.

Well, don't party too hard.

No promises!

Because of the noise complaints.

No, I-I hear you.

(DOOR OPENING, CLOSING)

(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER P.A.)

(DOOR OPENING)

Just stand.

Normal.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Just a walk, walking and talking about walking.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, munchie...

(COIN RATTLING)

(BEEPING)

(WHIRRING)

(CHUCKLING)

Mr. Kim?

I thought that was you.

Hi, Doctor "High as kite".

Sorry?

"Baked as potato".

Um, is Young-Mi in for her MRI appointment?

Yeah.

Don't look.

- That man there...

- Uh-huh.

...tried to steal my jacket.

Doctor Garcia!

Mrs.

Kim, how did it go?

Good.

We just going home now.

Good to see you.

Bye.

- Bye.

- Yobo, let's go.

You coming?

Two wheat - boom!

Three ore - boom!

And I will build... a city.

- I hate you.

- I hated him first.

Oh, come on, guys.

Can't we all just 'settle' down?

Oh my God, Shannon!

How did we get to your place so fast?

Hey!

What's going on?

Uh, we were on our way.

We were...

Come on, guys.

What have I been saying for the last...

My phone's dead.

My Phone d*ed.

Uh-huh.

Hey!

We're so outta here.

No.

I don't want to break up the party.

No.

This?

A party?

No, no, no.

It's super lame.

Thanks.

Good news - I got the ice...

And the lemons?

Oh, right.

I can pack some cubes.

I'm still gonna buy a road.

You can't.

You don't have bricks.

Seriously guys, gotta go!

(GROANING)

- (PHONE DINGING)

- Our pizzas are downstairs.

You ordered pizza?

Uh, to bring to your place, for the fancy thank you-soirée thing.

Oh, you know what?

It's fine.

Everyone's here, there's pizza here, just stay here.

No, no, no.

We're going to your place.

It's gonna be amazing.

Come on!

No, no.

I insist.

Everybody stay.

- JUNG: You sure?

- Yes.

Omar, stay!

Oh, I'm just getting the pizza.

Right, go.

Then, uh, do you want a drink or something?

No.

You know what?

I'm actually gonna go.

Okay.

I won't be long...

because I'm coming with you right now!

(MAKING WHIPPING SOUND)

♪ - Good morning, Appa.

- Janet.

How are you feeling?

Oh, sleep, so good, like a baby.

That's great.

Hey, I'm sorry about blowing up at you yesterday.

No, it's okay.

Forgive, forget.

Thanks.

Oh, how was Umma's MRI?

Oh, good.

Nothing to worry about.

It's just when you got home last night, you seemed a little...

Tired.

It was a long day for me.

And then you stocked the shelves a little before you went upstairs.

Yeah.

It's good to be organized before next day.

Huh.

Oh!

I recorded some of it.

Oh?

JANET: Mm-hmm.

Oh...

Wanna see?

Look how flexible I am, Janet.

Huh? Look, I can touch finger.

I never can before touch finger.

You take a picture?

Every morning from now on...

stretch!

Look, one arm is longer.

(GASPING IN AWE)

(PHONES RINGING IN BACKGROUND)

(KNOCKING)

Hey, boss.

Just checking in.

You got here early.

Yeah.

I wanted to get a jump on things.

Cool.

Everyone feels really bad, by the way, for last night.

What?

No, that's silly.

It's fine.

We know you put a lot into it, so, it'd be understandable if you had some kind of reaction.

Nah.

You gotta stay flexible.

You know, skate to where the party's going, not to where it's been.

Good.

Oh, small thing.

Everyone's asking about the sign you put up telling us to tuck in our 'F-in' shirts?

That was just a joke.

(CHUCKLING)

Thought so.

Also...

couldn't help notice that we all gotta pay for our own coffee now.

Yeah...

has to do with the budget.

And we gotta sign in and out for breaks, including lunch?

As the branch gets busier, it's just good

- to know where everybody is.

- Roger that.

Hey, we still on for that two o'clock today, right?

- Yes.

- Do I gotta sign in for it?

You're funny.

And yes.

(INHALING SHARPLY)

Oof.

Interesting situation.

Huh, Appa?

I not know it was a pot cookie.

After everything we went through with Jung...

That's close enough, Appa, or I'll post it online.

Okay.

Now what?

So many possibilities.

I mean, I could thr*aten to show it to all your friends and shame you, or I could save it and use it for future favours.

UMMA: What you doing Janet?

Oh, just uh...

You're going to erase video now.

(STAMMERING)

Well, here's the thing...

- Now!

- Yeah, Janet.

You also stop talking.

(SIGHING)

Sometimes my muscles get tight and sore.

Doctor say medical marijuana can help.

- Yeah, Appa.

- I say stop talking!

This not about you or you or even Jung.

This is about me.

Maybe I use marijuana, maybe I don't.

That's up to me, not any of you!

So, stop fighting and erase video.

(SIGHING)

Let me see your phone.

I deleted it.

Just checking...

for you.

I'm just saying it might be a nice gift that Shannon would appreciate.

I've never heard of apology cushions.

Trust me, they're a real thing.

You can get a set.

Yeah, I still think we go with flowers and a bottle of rosé, but what do I know?

Don't say "rosé".

It's the pink Satan.

Good news, she's not mad.

But we're still paying for our own coffee.

What about signing out for breaks?

- Yeah, that's still happening.

- Well, why did you say you could talk to her if you couldn't talk to her?

- Why am I the bad guy?

- Don't look at me.

I'm not the one who pulled out Catan.

And I'm not the one who got me drunk.

You think because it's pink, it's friendly.

Oh, look, if it isn't the party g*ng!

Hey, we're really sorry about last night.

I swear, it happened spontaneously.

So, pizzas just spontaneously appeared?

If it helps, the pizzas were terrible.

I think what Omar's trying to say...

You were there, too.' I was.

We just got carried away.

We're really sorry.

I know, and it's no one's fault.

It's just unfortunate that I was trying to do something special for my employee-friends to show them how much I appreciate them and it didn't happen.

But you know what is going to happen?

Every job on this to-do list.

Wow, I've never seen her so upset.

TERENCE: I feel bad.

Order the apology pillows.

Cushions!

Guess we better get back to work.

There's definitely enough of it.

She really piled it on.

Hey, I don't wanna be "that guy", but everyone still owes me for the pizza.

Hello?

"That guy" speaking.

(KNOCKING)

Are they scared?

Terrified.

- Do they feel guilty?

- Yes.

- Do you feel guilty?

- Very.

So do I... a bit.

I mean, I did make them wait, but I'm going to see how much shame work I can get out of this.

And they totally deserve it.

Oh, there's gonna be shame work from you, too, Mister.

You mean, like, sexy shame work?

Ew, no.

Maybe.

And we're out of sour cream chip.

- Uh-huh.

- I wonder why.

Yeah, okay, very funny.

I get more.

(CHUCKLING)

Yobo, you're right.

Your health is most important thing.

So, you do what you need to do.

Yeah, I know.

(DOOR OPENING)

- Hi.

- Hello.

It's okay.

You can ask.

Would you like to buy some cookies?

No.

It's for the Guiding Sparrows.

No.

It's a fundraiser.

No, thank you.

Don't take personal.

He just don't eat cookie anymore.

That's so sad.

Tell me about.