Magical Legend of the Leprechauns, The (1999)

[bunniefuu]

(Muted whispering)

(Beeps)

This'll be my first chance to get out of new york

In almost two years.

It's not a vacation, jack, okay?

It just has to look that way.

You're there to do a job for us.

I know that.

Ireland would be a perfect site for us.

The company's got a lot invested in this project.

So have i.

Exactly.

So don't screw up.

(Birds singing)

So, was it a good trip, Mr. Woods?

Yeah, yeah, it was fine, thanks.

Not too much of the old turbulence, then?

No.

On the airplane?

No, it was, uh...

It was okay.

It was okay?

Well, that's good.

Must be a terrible thing to be bounced about like that.

Don't you have a car?

Oh, yes, a fine one.

But, uh, I don't use it so much

Since the fitzpatrick brothers got their van fixed.

The traffic's been too bad.

Whoa, yeah...

Here we go.

There.

Wow.

That's "wow," yes?

You have a way with words there, Mr. Woods.

You'll not see anything finer in the whole of kerry.

(Thumping)

(Groaning)

Mind the beam.

Boy, this house was built

For little people.

No!

No!

It's not!

(Chuckling): not at all.

Well, it's perfect, just exactly what I was looking for.

Good!

Good...

(Chuckling)

You-you here for a little of the old rest

And recuperation, you were saying.

Yeah, yeah, a little rest, do a little fishing, maybe.

Ah, well, we have salmon the size of dolphins

And trout that'll jump right into your pan

With a pat of butter already melted in their mouths.

(Chuckling)

How do the, uh, the lights work?

We have oil lamps in all the rooms.

Oh.

What, there's no electricity?

No...

Too far to carry it.

And the stove, is that, uh...

Is that oil, too?

Eh, that burns peat.

Straight from the bog, dried and makes a powerful fire.

So to cook, I have to...

Set fire to dirt?

And you'll never want to use anything else.

Will you be taking the let?

I can't believe I'm getting it so cheaply.

Are you sure there's not something

You haven't told me about this place♪

No, no, it's just that letting's a bit slow

At this time of year

What with it being the, uh, summer and all.

And here to celebrate your new home

Is a traditional housewarming gift for you.

What is it?

Irish poteen, the finest.

What is it, like-like whiskey?

A wee touch stronger, maybe.

Whoa...

Best not drunk close to a flame

And try not to let it touch your gums on the way down.

(Laughing)

I'll just stick it in the house for later.

No, no, no!

I can do that for you, now.

Let me do it.

That's all right, I got it.

It's stuck.

Eh-eh-eh, let me try, now.

These old doors can sometimes be a bit tricky.

(Grunting)

(Groaning)

What was that?

Just mice.

It'll, uh...

It'll be safe there, now...

Uh, for your return.

(Grunting)

(Birds singing)

(Loud splashing)

(Yelling)

Who are you?

I'm sorry, all right?

Get out of here!

Come on, now, you-you don't understand.

I understand well enough: peeping tom!

No...

No!

Come on, I was just walking by.

I didn't realize

That you were...

Ow!

I'm sorry, okay?

You'll be sorrier when my brothers

Get hold of you!

Ow!

Oh...

I'll know you when I see you again.

Oh, no...

I've seen your face!

Oh!

Poteen...?

That's strange.

(Cork squeaking)

(Popping)

Okay...

(Sighing)

Let's see what you've got.

To ireland.

(Yells)

(Coughs)

(Grunting)

(Hyperventilating)

What is this stuff made of?

Potatoes, ignoramus.

Potatoes♪

How...?

(Grunting)

Aah!

(Grunting)

(Birds singing)

(Groaning)

Ow.

Oh, not another drop.

Never, never again.

(Snoring)

Eh!

Oh!

Hey!

Aah!

Aah!

(Creaking)

(Splashing)

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Hang on!

I got ya!

Hang on!

Aah!

Ohh!

Hey!

Wait up!

Oh, this is just great.

Come out, whoever you are.

Don't make me have to come in there...

Okay, I'm coming in.

Here I come!

I'm coming in now.

(Hinge creaking)

I'm in.

I know you're there.

I can see you dripping.

(Groans)

You're...

You're a...

A leprechaun.

(Gasping)

A wet leprechaun.

(Huffing)

Leader of the kerry leprechauns.

Seamus muldoon at your wet service.

Woman: what in the grand banshee's name

Do you think you're doing?

You're blowing it.

I'm talking to your man.

Are you mad as well as stupid?

I have to.

He saved me.

He saved you♪

Gallantly, I'd have to say...

Without a thought for himself.

You were drunk.

Of course I was drunk.

Whew!

I hate water!

Just calm down, jack.

(Panting)

Get a grip.

It's just jet lag.

And you let him save you?

I didn't ask him, mary.

He just did it.

That's no excuse.

You could have had the decency to drown.

Hangover♪

Bump on the head?

You're fine.

I'm mary muldoon.

Oh, give me a break!

Seamus' wife for my sins

Of which there must have been hundreds

To have such a terrible fate.

They say that married men live longer than single ones.

It only seems like that.

We're in your debt now, Mr. Woods.

You are?

When a mortal saves a leprechaun

Then that leprechaun is in his debt

Forever and a day.

We're pretty much immortal

Except when it comes to water.

(Sighs)

If you fall in Hmm...

But, of course, you saved me.

Well, hey...

Forget about it.

Can't do that.

Much as I'd like to.

I'd better go sit down.

You're soaking wet.

I'll get you a towel.

Hey, what about me♪

You can get pneumonia.

Aah.

Oh, uh...

You should meet my son, mickey.

Mickey!

Show yourself.

Hello, there.

Oh, there's another one.

Mickey, this is Mr. Jack woods.

Hello, Mr. Woods.

Tell me something:

Are any more of you just going to, you know...

Pfft

Oh, no, no, no, no.

There's just the muldoon family here at the cottage.

Course there's thousands of leprechauns

And other solitaries all around these parts.

All fun-loving people full of pep and vigor.

And booze, given half the chance.

(Sighs)

Here's your towel, Mr. Woods.

Thanks.

Anyway, I'm off out, ma.

Where are you going?

Oh, just to do some mischief.

Oh, that's all right then.

Can you lend us

A couple of gold ones, dad?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Sure, sure.

Don't squander it, now.

Promise me you'll only spend it on drink and women.

Oh, I promise.

Bye, ma.

Bye.

Good day to you, Mr. Woods.

Ah, ah.

Nice talking to you.

Thanks, da'.

He's a...

He's a fine boy.

And him not years old yet.

Oh, huh.

(Bleating)

Man: so, this Mr. Woods, he's not from around here, then?

No.

From his accent, I'd say he was from dublin.

Ah, hmm.

Oh!

Ee!

Ay!

Oh!

Whoa-hey!

Quick!

Quick!

Give us a drink, mickey.

The flowers make me thirsty.

No, you're always thirsty.

Actually, I'm always falling out of trees.

Well, that's true.

What are you doing up there, sean?

I was looking out for count grogan.

May his fairy bones rot.

I thought I could drop in on him, you know

Quiet-like for a little flattering.

You flatter him quite enough.

Ah, your brother talks a good fight, jericho.

Yeah, well, if talking was all it took

He'd be heavyweight champion of all ireland, eh?

Ah, it's dunlang...

The dullahan!

(Neighing)

How are things in munster

Dunlang?

Too peaceful.

Stay around here now.

We'll stir things up for you.

I would, sean

But the grand banshee herself

Has forbidden us from fighting.

Ah, we take no notice of that.

None at all.

And today's the anniversary

Of meself meeting the executioner's a*

And I'll brighten up the sligo, celebrate.

Well, you're looking fine, honest, dunlang.

Thanks, mick.

I can see from up here

There's a few other dullahans already arrived.

I'd best be off.

Good-bye, lads.

And wherever it is, out of mischief.

Bye, dunlang!

Take care now.

Dunlang's a doomy sort.

He doesn't enjoy life.

Ah, to be sure.

It's not easy with no head.

That's a fair point.

I never thought of that.

It's count grogan--

The first of the fairy fools!

Mock on, mickey muldoon

You and that hairy mistake, sean devine

Make a fine raggedy-arsed pair.

Clear the paths; you're polluting the grass.

And what if we don't?

Then I'll have to make you.

You and which particular thousand trooping fairies

Might that be?

I'll flatten you without raising a sweat.

Oh, we are trembling before sean devine--

A powerful man with a powerful set of eyebrows.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

(Metallic clanking)

So...

Ow!

Whoo!

Easy!

(Yelling)

Have a look at the time!

Ah, come on now, grogan!

Come on now, can't you catch a little turnip cart♪!

Grogan: next time, devine, next time!

It could have been one of those sleepwalking things.

You think you're sleeping

But you're really awake.

Maybe I worked too hard.

Oh, look.

A normal-size person.

Hey, there!

What are you hauling there?

Turnips?

Going to market?

Well, i, uh, I got to be going.

Can't stand around here all day talking.

Hello, there, Mr. Woods!

Hey, Mr. Woods.

How's it going now?

All: all right, then.

It's really good of you

To let us stay in the cottage, jack.

Ooh, sorry.

Did I startle you?

I'm going to stop doing that.

Ah... Would you look at all this nature.

Far too much of it, isn't there?

Those trooping fairies

Have a lot to answer for.

"Trooping fairies"?

Oh, they're responsible for all this.

I mean, why do they have

To make all these little leaves, huh?

Millions of teeny-weeny mean things.

Why can't they just make a few huge

Gigantic ones?

That way, you'd have somewhere to go when it rained.

Yeah.

You try telling that to a trooping fairy

(Chuckling): ooh...

About half a brain between them.

So, you, uh...

You don't like them?

"Like them"?

They are the natural enemy of the leprechaun

Stuck up there in that fancy castle.

All of them together, hoo.

Very unhygienic.

Just because they look after nature

And make a few flowers grow

And get the odd tree the right way up

They think they're better than the rest of us.

Ha!

If they were any further up themselves

They'd be inside out.

That leprechaun riffraff pelted you with turnips?

Turnips.

That's worse than cauliflowers.

Much worse.

Well, it could have been overripe tomatoes.

It just shows what they're capable of.

Avocadoes.

These bunk fairies must be taught a lesson.

Why don't we just talk to them?

Too much talking.

Too hard.

Exactly.

You can't call the fairies to arms, your majesty.

The grand banshee has decreed

There must be no more fighting.

Oh, her♪!

I'm king here, chamberlain.

I do all the decreeing

From now until michaelmas tuesday.

Yes, of course, of course

And when exactly is michaelmas tuesday, sire?

Whenever I decide.

Jolly good, jolly good.

We'll all look forward to that, then.

She's here!

She's here!

The grand banshee!

Boric...

I decreed that all fighting

Between trooping and solitary fairies end.

There was a brawl this afternoon.

Well, it wasn't our fault.

Well, it never is.

Sean devine and mickey muldoon

And the other solitaries

Started the whole thing.

They threw turnips!

Hmm.

I know they threw turnips.

I'm all-seeing, remember?

I also saw that the count

And his hotheaded friends were just as responsible

As Mr. Muldoon.

It was a matter of honor.

Count grogan, you deal with your honor, such as it is

In a peaceful fashion

From now on.

I will deal with Mr. Muldoon and the others

And I give you fair warning.

If this w*r does not stop

You will all pay the ultimate price

And you know what I mean.

That's a very interesting camera

You have there.

Will you stop that♪!

I did it again, didn't i?

Sorry about that.

Maybe you'll get used to it in time.

I don't think so.

Seamus: ah, the old fitzpatrick place--

Home of the lovely

Kathleen.

Hey, uh, she doesn't...

Have dark hair

And fabulous green eyes, by any chance.

Oh, yeah, and a figure that'd make a monk cry.

Yeah.

You know, I think I saw her swimming

Down by the waterfall.

Oh, that'd be

Kathleen bathing like a goddess.

Sometimes there's a big advantage of being invisible.

(Chuckling)

(Shutter clicking)

(Shutter clicking)

(Kathleen laughing)

Get it.

Get it.

Get it!

(Kathleen growling)

(Dog growling)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get it, get it, get it.

Go bury george's underpants!

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go bury it.

(Shutter clicking)

You.

(Nervous chuckle)

I'm sorry.

It's the peeping tom!

No, no, look...

It's the peeping tom!

Look, I didn't even know, okay?

I was just...

Man: wait till I get me hands on you!

Aw, forget it!

What was he doing to you?

Man: go after him!

Wait till I get my hands on you!

(All yelling)

Just hold on!

Hold it!

Just hold on!

(All yelling)

Come back!

Okay, now just hold on.

If this is about the other day

I can explain.

(Panting)

I got lost and...

(Chuckling)

Well, it's-- It's really kind of funny, actually.

You see, my foot got stuck and...

(Chuckling)

(Men chuckling)

Get him.

Oh!

Don't worry, now, kathleen.

Leave him to me, huh?

(Screams)

Remember this.

You can always get the last word if you talk

To yourself.

There be mutterings against me in the parish

That I'm too old.

I'll never be too old-- not until

I'm six feet under.

Kathleen fitzpatrick.

Sit!

And that goes

For your four muscle-bound brothers.

Now then

Where was i?

Oh, yes, six feet under.

(Grunts)

(Laughing)

And.. Joseph shouts down to mary

"Whatever you do

"Don't let the child

Touch the water."

(Snoring)

So, in the words of the good book...

Mohabismy watch pot.

Yea, go in peace.

The mass is ended.

(Priest mumbling)

That was a, uh, very inspiring

Sermon, father.

Oh, you think so?

Oh, yes.

Oh, thank you, my son.

Inspiring, you say.

Yes.

Which particular bit?

Sometimes I forget what I've said.

Well, pretty much all of it.

All of it.

Oh, good.

Good.

Hey, wait.

Let me show you around.

I don't get many visitors these days.

I'd be delighted.

Oh, well, good.

Right over here's our side altar here.

(Grunting)

I thought the front end felt a little heavy.

Oh, sorry, jack.

Say, muldoon, um, that girl

Uh, you know the-the one with the, um...

Kathleen.

Is she going to be here?

Oh, no doubt, jack.

No doubt.

So this, uh Kathleen, huh?

Taken a bit of a fancy to her, huh?

Oh, well, no, I mean, I just

Don't want her walking around

Thinking I'm some kind of a creep.

(Muttering): how are you?

That'd be the only reason

You're wearing your best shirt then, jack.

What, this?

This isn't my best shirt.

Look all right?

Oh, very close, father.

Oh, the lord's abandoned me.

How's it going, father?

The whole thing's rigged.

I'm being cheated.

Seamus: what's he doing

He knows he can't win.

Give him a hand then, seamus.

Can you do that?

What did you say?

Oh, I said, uh, oh, don't do that.

Let me give it a try, father.

Father

That's him; that's the man.

At least let me explain what happened.

I know what happened.

No, you don't.

You were following me...

Not now, woman.

He's about to throw.

I want to hear

Angels pass.

(Seamus grunting)

(Sputtering)

It's a miracle--

Miracle of the rings.

You win, father.

Oh, that's very kind of you, my boy.

I'll have that big pink feller over there.

Reminds me of father donovan.

(Chuckling)

He was always seeing these things.

Father, this man here is the one I've been talking about.

And you're making a serious accusation

Against him.

Now then, jack...

Uh, ican call you jack, can't i?

Oh, I hope so.

Right.

Now, are you a peeping tom as she says?

Nope.

Fair enough.

There you are, kathleen.

You've got the wrong man.

I'm an impeccable judge of character.

Uh, come on, jack.

Let's find the bear tent.

I'll catch up with you, father.

Eh, right.

I'm sorry, miss fitzpatrick, uh...

It really was all just a misunderstanding.

Man: that's him, kathleen.

Father daley: we'll have none

Of that here, george fitzpatrick!

(Bleating)

Keep up now, jericho!

Come on!

Just do it with your legs!

Come on!

Come on!

Go faster!

(Yelling)

Whoa, whoa.

(Yelling)

come on!

Whoo!

Faster now!

Go for the gate!

Go for the gate!

The what?

Gate?

(Bleating)

Here we go!

Whoa!

The old crock of gold.

Ah, sure, but animals have such good sense to drop us here.

Ah, they do, don't they?

Hey, hey, now, where do you think you're going, brother?

In for a drink.

No, no, no You're not.

You're too young.

I'm .

See?

Not even out of double figures.

Oh, barney, now, look, look.

Look, you see...

You have to stay and guard the place.

Yeah, tell us if any trooping fairies

Turn up.

Be the guard?

It's a very important job.

Is it?

Vital.

We'd be depending on you.

You would?

Mm-hmm.

All right then...

As long as I'm in charge.

Oh, you are.

You are indeed.

Don't worry.

I'm in charge.

So what mischief shall we get up to, lads?

Eh, turn the milk sour?

No.

Flatten the wheat fields?

No.

Blossom shaking will be good.

No.

No.

I hate blossoms.

It has no right to be there.

Is that the best you can come up with?

Yes.

What about we sneak up into the grand mitzma ball

Up at the castle?

It's the event of all the year for all the trooping fairies.

Ah, good on you, mickey.

There's beautiful young fairies up there

Who have yet to be introduced to the delights

Of a handsome, virile leprechaun.

Then we can cause a whole heap of trouble.

But...

The grand banshee has warned us

To stay out of trouble, hasn't she?

Jericho, leprechauns are born for trouble.

We're the true spirit of old ireland.

We've got more get-up-and-go in us than a hatful of pookas.

Both: did someone call our names?

(Cheering)

(Irish jig playing)

By the eyebrows of the great faracus

This'll get the blood racing and the feet tapping

Over the hills of galway!

Oh, that's quite a party

They're putting on for us up there.

Jericho: but there's no way to get in.

Oh, we'll find a way, jericho.

We might have a few problems

Passing ourselves off as one of them.

Oh, barney, hurry!

(Indistinct talking)

Man: hey!

Four against one.

Oh, calamity!

Oh, let's get him.

Got you!

No, you don't!

Come back here.

(Punches being delivered)

(Laughing)

My friends

I believe we've been invited to a ball.

(Laughing)

Shh.

Keep it quiet.

Get up here, now!

Look at the size of that thing.

It's huge!

Shh.

Be quiet, come on.

Oh, up we go.

Hold on, lads.

All right, watch out, watch out!

How could you do that?

Oh, it's a powerful long way down there.

Oh, I hope this thing doesn't burst.

You're right there, sean.

What's that funny smell?

Oh, they must have been clean.

Clean♪

Yeah, clean.

It's clean.

Oh, you'll not have come across it before.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, come on!

Stop mucking about.

I was not!

They moved the ground.

Shh.

Shh.

My invitation.

That's mine as well.

We're all trooping fairies.

Don't!

Just let me at them!

I'll m*ssacre the lot.

Silence!

Jericho!

Listen, this is no place for a young leprechaun.

Yes, it is.

No!

You're to stay here and wait.

Do some guarding.

Guarding?

Again?

It's very important.

Am I in charge again?

You are the man.

The only man.

Well, that's all right, then.

And under no circumstances...

Not at all.

Take off

That stupid leprechaun mask, grover.

They're supposed to be stupid.

That's the whole idea.

Perfect for a mad midsummer ball.

You would think of something like that.

Yes, I would, wouldn't i?

Look at the wings

On her.

Ah, no, point, wait!

What?

Watch and learn from the master.

As one who's been out east and seen a few things

May I say you are absolutely gorgeous.

You may have this dance.

(Waltz playing)

(Fanfare playing)

(Screaming)

Don't you people ever knock?

Sorry, jack.

But we do live here, too, you know.

(Clearing throat)

Would you like some?

Oh, well, now that you mention it...

Ladies first

Please.

Oh, isn't she

A magnificent woman?

Say, mary, look at all them great pictures.

Souvenirs, are they, jack

To take back with you?

Yeah, kind of.

In fact I'm not just here for a rest.

I'm here for my job as well.

Must be a very important job, is it

To take all them pictures of the valley?

Yeah, I guess.

Say, um...

This, uh...

Kathleen...

What's her story?

Jack's taken quite a shine to kathleen.

Not that I could see why.

Well, she's pretty enough in an ugly human

Kind of a way.

They'd make a fine couple.

(Both giggling)

Okay, okay.

Thank you.

Seamus: oh, jack!

Don't tell her brothers about us.

You hear me♪

They'll want to catch us for our pots of gold.

Jack: pots of gold♪

Leprechauns are supposed to have pots of gold

Hidden all over the place.

And when humans catch us

They want us to tell them where they're hidden.

Mary: it's a fairy story.

If we had pots of gold

You think we'd be living in a place like this?

Ha!

We'd be living in a palace.

(Laughing)

♪ I have always ♪

♪ Heard... ♪

Oh, I'm sorry, princess.

I've never danced so badly.

Oh, so you have danced before, then♪

Oh, well, my fox-trot was once the talk of the palace.

Of course, please.

A pleasure.

Hello.

♪ ...to our dreams ♪

♪ We can fly away... ♪

And what are you staring at♪

The fairest beauty that ever stood

Before the eyes of a man

Since helen danced her willing way

On the wondering worlds of troy.

It's only a gift of words that you shower me, but I have to say

That they shine.

Oh, you shine, princess mine

You shine!

♪ ... My world, my hope ♪

♪ My goal ♪

♪ We can fly away over... ♪

May I cut in♪

♪ ... Your love ♪

You can fly away over it all... ♪

Nice set of eyebrows you got there.

♪ You reached out and touched the real me ♪

♪ Now there's no storm before us ♪

♪ As strong as the love we both feel... ♪

You look so lovely in the moonlight.

Take off your mask.

Uh, th-that's not a good idea.

Are you frightened?

Yes.

Uh...

No.

Um...

Then do it.

(Sighs)

For your sake only.

I'll turn away.

But you're a leprechaun.

A real one.

I am.

But leprechauns are all vile and villainous and vulgar.

And trooping fairies are all sneering, snobbish and selfish.

That is not true.

We're not like that.

And we're not all vile and villainous.

Now, vulgar, maybe-- and that's fair enough.

I can't argue there.

But you're still a leprechaun.

And you are still a trooping fairy.

Does it make any difference?

No.

How dare you!

Oh, I dare.

Princess jessica, I dare.

Come back here now and apologize.

Oh, you're joking.

Well, you'll have to catch me first

And no flying.

You think a princess can't run.

No.

(Jessica laughing)

When I was young

I never wanted to dance

Because I thought

I had two left feet

And then I found out my feet were fine.

It was the two left shoes that were bothering me.

I'm not stopping you

From getting back to someone, am i?

I wouldn't want to monopolize you.

Ah, not at all.

I'm all yours now.

Lucky me.

Sire.

I think we've been invaded.

By who?

Whom.

By whom.

By whom?

Leprechauns.

They wouldn't dare.

How do you know there are leprechauns here?

Smell.

(All sniffing)

If we accuse them and they're not

It would cause a scandal.

I have a better idea.

Meet me afterwards.

I can't.

It's too dangerous.

You shouldn't even be here.

I know.

Friends!

Nobles!

We will all unmask on the last stroke of midnight.

Off with the masks, and all will be revealed.

Come on, come on.

You have to go.

Promise me you'll see me again.

Go before you get caught.

You must promise.

Go.

You must promise me.

All right.

I promise.

Go.

All: five...

Do you keep your promises?

Six...

Are you okay?

Let's go.

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

Ten...

Eleven...

Twelve!

(Cheering)

Mickey, jericho-- will you be much longer?

I'm powerful hungry

And I'm not sure who I'm guarding against.

Whoops.

Why are we running?

I could take them.

You did fine turning up as you did.

I did♪

Saved the day by distracting them.

That's why I did it

Of course...

What do we do now?

Try to remember how to fly.

Mickey.

I-i don't know how I'm doing it.

I'm sorry to be the one

To tell you this, mickey lad

But you're in love.

Really?

That's the sign.

Is that a fact?

Grab him before he comes to his senses.

Come on quick.

Hold on.

Hurry, jericho!

Come on, now.

Quick!

Down there!

Down there!

She's a lovely girl, now.

Just keep it up.

Just keep flying.

Keep telling yourself that.

That's a very energetic

Way of doing the weeding, jack.

Seamus.

I'm not gardening.

I'm practicing my swing.

Your swing?

Yeah.

Yeah, my golf swing.

You know, this whole area here

This would make a perfect golf course, don't you think?

No doubt, no doubt about it.

Mind you, I don't have

The slightest idea what you're talking about.

I tell you, a place like this

It would be every golfer's dream.

I mean, you got the beautiful countryside.

You got the pretty cottage, a blissful summer's day.

Golfers from everywhere-- new york, chicago--

They'd all come here.

Enjoy a relaxing, fun-filled holiday playing golf

In perfect irish surroundings.

Are you all right, jack?

Is something bothering you?

No.

I'm, I'm okay.

(Ball clattering in wheelbarrow)

What time did you get in at last night?

Oh, um...

Late.

I went partying.

I went up to the fairies summer ball.

Did you♪

Good boy, good boy.

You stuck it to them.

Ah, they hate that.

I met this girl.

Princess jessica.

Princess jessica?

King boric's daughter?

Oh, she's an angel

With a face...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no-- this is it.

You leave her be.

I don't want that sort of trouble.

Mary muldoon, this is your fault!

Jack, w-will, will you tell him to listen to his father?

Why♪

I never did.

Neither did i.

That's not the point.

So he's told you, has he?

You're his father-- speak to him.

Mickey muldoon, you listen to me.

You stay away from that girl or I'll disown you.

How can you disown me?

You don't own anything.

Don't speak to your father like that.

Well, you do.

It's expected.

I'm his wife.

And don't speak to me like that.

Don't speak to her like that.

Who am I expected to speak to like that?

Don't be speaking to me like that.

She started speaking to me like that.

I told you the same thing last year, kathleen.

And the year before.

No, I'm sorry.

Why can't I be in the race?

'Cause you're a little lady.

Told ya.

See♪

You can't.

(People laughing)

I'm going to ask someone else to ride for me.

That seems fair, doesn't it?

Will somebody else drive firefly for me?

I'll ride for you.

Oh, it's peeping tom.

Jack.

Peeping jack, if it makes you happy.

Peeping jack.

That's very good.

I wouldn't let you near my horse.

Why not?

I thought it might make up

For that little...

Misunderstanding.

Anyway, the tide's coming in

We should start the race.

You're too late now anyway.

All right.

You drive for me.

My name is jack, jack woods.

Yeah, I know.

Kathleen fitzpatrick.

I know.

Hello, kathleen.

So, have you done much trotting?

That's what they call it, is it?

You have driven a buggy before

Haven't you, Mr. Woods?

You sit in the seat and hang onto the reins.

How hard can it be?

(People shouting)

The race will be one circuit of the track

To that far slab and then back again.

And try not to cheat too much.

Get ready...

Get set...

Go!

Yah!

(Cheering)

Yes!

You go on.

Come on, firefly!

What are you doing here?

We thought you might need a hand.

Don't worry, Mr. Woods.

The old leprechaun magic will do the trick.

Great.

Tell me what to do.

Get closer to the others.

That's it?

That's your advice?

Pretty much, yes.

That should do the trick.

Well, at the risk of sounding ungrateful

This is something I want to do by myself.

Go on, jack.

Go on, win it for the lady.

Come on, baby.

Come on, you stupid donkey.

Hold the line there, john.

Come in, come in, come in here!

We have him, lads.

Don't worry about it.

(Laughing)

Okay, if that's the way you want to play it.

Time for a little freeway maneuver.

This is my exit.

Jack...

Jack!

Jack!

Jack!

Come on you, dopey dan!

Come on, come on, firefly.

Jack!

Jack!

Jack!

Jack!

(Cheering)

Man: well done, Mr. Woods.

You did really well, lad.

This is a really nice gesture, Mr. Woods.

Call me jack.

You're from new york...

Jack♪

Yeah.

How did you know?

Oh, well, i...

You know, I just guessed.

Well, that's where I live now anyway.

I'd love to go there.

See all the skyscrapers and the statue of liberty

And the empire state building.

It's quite something, all right.

I've never even been out of ireland.

No♪

I could think of a lot worse places to be.

Oh, do you like it here?

Yeah, very much.

A lot more than I thought I would.

Yeah.

Well, we don't get

Too many tourists, thank goodness.

You don't.

You don't.

Well...

I'd better be going.

Kathleen...

Could you do me a favor?

I don't know till I hear it.

Well, I'm taking some pictures

Of some of the beauty parts of ireland

And I was wondering, if it's not too much trouble

You could show me around the countryside.

Are you married?

(Chuckles)

No.

Why not♪

Well, why aren't you♪

Because I never wanted to.

Well, there you go.

(Chuckling)

All right.

I'll see you here tomorrow morning...

: .

So what do you do for this sperry...

Sperry...

Whatchamacallit♪

Mcgirk.

Sperry, sperry & mcgirk.

I'm the executive vice president in charge of coordination.

Sounds impressive.

Well...

Yeah, if I can put together

This particular deal

I'm working on now, there's a good chance

I'll make senior vice president.

Of course, there's a lot of guys going for the same position.

There's no guarantees.

Got to come up with the goods.

You see this shell?

Isn't that just beautiful?

Yeah.

Yeah, that is beautiful.

Smile.

Are these things clean?

Yeah, oh, yeah, they're clean.

They're poisonous.

But they're clean.

That's very funny.

I'm just not used to eating anything

That doesn't have a expiration date.

Oh, go on, jack.

Why don't you take a walk on the wild side?

Those are good.

Yeah.

Those are really good.

It's better than in the store.

Mm.

Ow.

Oh, wait.

Hang on.

Just stay still.

Don't move.

Don't move.

Stop pulling.

Hang on, hang on.

That's it.

Jessica's the daughter of a king

Whose world spins on a rim of gold.

She'll not want to live in a dusty hole

Full of cold hills and long roads

Only fit for walking.

That's for the future, sean.

This is here and now.

I don't mind how it goes as long as I go with jessica.

No good will come of it.

But you're in love.

So you won't listen to me.

Listen to him.

Right there, jerry, me lad.

We're all just talking about love.

We oakshees know all about love, don't we, lads?

Of course we do.

Who do you love?

We're tree spirits.

We love trees.

Doesn't count.

Try and do anything to our trees

And you'll see how much we love them.

But you leprechauns are decent fellas.

You've always got time to stop and sh**t the leaves.

Not like them troopers

With all their measuring and blossom nonsense.

They work too hard.

Work is the death of freedom as we know it.

Amen.

Absolutely.

Kathleen: no, they're good souls, really.

They're just a little bit...

They're overprotective since our parents d*ed.

Do you have any family, jack?

Oh, yeah.

Got a full set.

Got a father who runs a cab company.

Got a mother who runs my father.

A couple of younger sisters

And an older brother.

And they all live in new york?

Well, my brother does.

Yeah, he's a lawyer.

But he's okay.

Everybody else, they live in arizona.

That's where I'm from.

Do you miss them?

Yeah...

Yeah, I do.

So why'd you leave?

Well, you know, career.

Lure of the big city.

Are you happy there?

I'm happy right here.

Right now.

With you.

Nobody there, not even a whiff of a leprechaun.

He said that he'd be here this evening.

They say a lot of things, do men

Especially leprechaun men.

They're fond of saying things they don't mean.

Mickey muldoon isn't like that.

Then where is he?

I'm here.

(Gasping)

He made my heart go pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat.

Mine, too.

Lady margaret, he has come to see me.

You can wait down here.

Margaret: I've only been a lady in waiting for years.

I suppose I should be able to do that by now.

Oh, jessica, come with me where the rain is light

And the sun is hot.

I shouldn't listen

To you, mickey, but your words are stars in my ears.

(Giggling)

I didn't know that leprechauns could fly.

We can't.

Unless we're...

We're in love

And you can't lie to gravity.

Anyway, come away with me.

I can't.

We can do anything.

Oh, no, you don't.

(Shrieks)

Lady margaret!

I thought that you were my friend.

I am, or I'd have called the guards.

You don't have to.

They're already here.

I'll come back.

Jessica: mickey!

Oh, no.

Oakshees!

Oakshees!

To arms!

To arms!

Troopers are damaging your trees with cobwebs!

(Laughing)

(Clearing throat)

(Jeering)

Thanks, lads.

(Laughing)

I got a date

With a princess.

Do you want us to come with you?

It could be dangerous.

On, no, jericho.

I'm not looking for trouble.

No need, it'll be looking for you.

Give her a kiss for me, mickey, m'boy.

Good night.

Good night, now, lads.

Take care.

Sean: I almost kissed a trooping fairy once.

She had a fine set of wings on her.

Oh, barney.

Don't worry, lads.

I got them right where I want them.

Ah, muldoon, what a coincidence

Finding you here.

I don't want any trouble, grogan.

Let barney go.

You might not want trouble, but that's what you've got.

You don't get away that easy.

I'm not fightin'.

Oh, you'll fight.

Or your young friend here has done

His last spell at guarding.

Is that a fact♪

Well, I'm happy to oblige you.

Jericho: so am i.

My fight is with muldoon here.

Oh, well, as much

As it grieves me to watch

Another leprechaun have all the fun--

Go for it, mickey me boy.

Little morris here is begging for it.

Don't call me morris.

Well, then I won't.

Morris.

(Snickering)

And neither will i, morris.

Morris, morris, morris.

Give him a taste

Of leprechaun justice, mickey, lad.

I'm not fighting, seannie.

Let him go.

That girl has unmanned you.

He's a yellow-belly.

He has coward's legs, like all leprechauns.

That's it.

Enough's enough.

No more Mr.

Nice leprechaun.

Oh, I'll show you

A coward's legs and arms.

Don't do it.

It's what he wants.

Sean: here's the thing.

It's what I want, too.

If you need any help, sean

I'm right here for you.

Good man.

(Yelling)

Seannie, leave him be!

Sean!

I don't feel so well.

I feel doomy somehow.

What's happening?

We leprechauns are immortal.

Well, it doesn't seem so.

Well, where's the rest of me?

I warned you'd pay

The ultimate price.

I'm taking him.

No!

Look...

I'm only half the man I was.

We meant no harm.

I could do with a drink

Of something, as long as it's wet.

Kiss her for me...

Mickey.

(Yelling)

What news of mickey?

The worst.

No.

No, no, no, no.

He's k*lled your cousin grogan.

He's k*lled him?

But fairies don't die.

They do sometimes.

I must see mickey.

Jessica, get packed.

We're sending you away.

Where?

Why?

w*r with the leprechauns.

They've k*lled our beloved grogan.

It was that mickey muldoon.

We're making sure you're out of the clutches

Of that murderous seducer.

Cousin grogan had a very bad temper.

Are you defending

His K*llers?

No!

The child has a point.

If we go to w*r, the grand banshee

Will make it very real this time.

It would be sensible to wait till all the facts are known.

Boric: I'm not interested in sensible.

Jessica leaves in the morning.

Mary: I still can't believe sean's gone.

It's like we've known him

For centuries.

We have.

What are you going to do about it, muldoon?

Fight!

All: yeah!

Grand banshee or no grand banshee.

(Exclamations of approval)

Hey, jack.

Seamus

For the first time in my life

I am truly, deeply in love.

That right♪

It's kathleen.

That's nice, yeah.

Look at this.

Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?

I mean, look at that.

Yes, yes, it's lovely.

She gave it to me.

Huh?

Here.

Ah, no.

No, thanks.

What's the matter, seamus?

It's best you don't know, jack.

Some things are strictly

Leprechaun business.

Ah.

You know, if she finds out why I came here

She won't understand.

That a fact?

The grand banshee is taking all the fun out of it.

I was almost married once, you know?

She wants us to stop.

That's not right.

Boss's daughter.

Didn't work out.

A lot of, you know...

I hope we're doing the right thing.

I told myself, "jack

Maybe you just weren't meant to be in love."

Lo and behold, here it is again.

Grand banshee or no grand banshee

We are doing the right thing.

Yeah, sure you are.

I can't let 'em change anything here.

I just can't.

It'd cost me my job, but...

There you go.

Ah, yes, there you go.

Yeah, there I go.

Nice talking to you, jack.

Yeah, you, too, seamus.

Cleared the air.

Yeah, yeah.

(Both gasping)

I'm sorry, lady margaret

But I'd be obliged if you could keep

As quiet as a mouse on a platter.

Are you all right, princess jessica?

Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

You have to go.

They'll be looking for you.

Please, mickey, be careful.

I will.

I will.

What are we going to do?

I'm being sent to the underwater palace.

I'll come get you.

You won't find us.

The palace is under the sea.

Is there someone there, princess?

No.

Only lady margaret.

Now go.

I'm going.

Seamus: it's time we taught

Those arrogant, snot-nosed troopers a lesson!

It is that, yes.

This is our chance to crush those troopers

Once and for all!

By god, it is!

Break open the barrel and drink to victory.

Good man, grococh.

Drinks are on grococh.

He's buying.

We've already achieved full mobilization.

What about our work?

If we're all fighting

There'll be no one left to look after nature.

We'll have storms, floods, snow in summer.

The leaves will wither and die.

Queen morag: don't be such a drab fairy, chamberlain.

Nature can take care of itself.

We've a w*r to wage.

Chamberlain: who's leading the army?

Morag: there is only one man.

General bulstrode reporting for duty, sire.

It's not a big, dark secret.

It's not anything like that.

I want to be honest with you, kathleen.

Now, now.

When people say

They want to be honest with you

It usually means they haven't.

Well, I have been.

I have.

Well, up to a point.

But I'm not exactly

On a vacation.

In fact, it's not really

A vacation at all.

Mr. Woods!

Hello there, kathleen.

I've just had a telephone call from new york

And I was asked to give you this message.

They said it was urgent.

It's the first time we've had such a call

At the post office.

I thought it was the boys up to their tricks.

I put it into an envelope

For security.

He's to get back to america right away

For a meeting.

They've heard nothing

From him for days.

So, when do you have to leave?

Would you look at those leaves?

And it's the middle of summer.

We'd best be getting some shelter.

Come on.

The pony and trap's this way.

If I can remember where I put it.

It's like the seasons have all got mixed up.

What's going on?

I don't know

But I think I know a man who does.

Seamus muldoon.

Who?

He'll know what's going on out there.

Seamus!

He and his family, they share this cottage.

Nobody shares a cottage, jack.

He's a leprechaun.

Seamus, are you in here?

He's a leprechaun?

Where are you?

Yeah.

Head of the kerry leprechauns.

You know, seamus muldoon.

Right.

Seamus muldoon, of course.

Are you out there?

Where are you?

Jack, jack...

Seamus, I'd really appreciate it

If you could show yourselves.

Oh, there you are.

Seamus and mary muldoon at your service.

Here, drink some of this.

Are you all right?

You're real leprechauns?

You won't find any realer.

Of course, we only show ourselves to those that we like.

And we like you, pretty lady.

You're a fine swimmer.

It's a very nice stroke you have.

Enough of that.

What's going on out there with the leaves, seamus ?

This is like fall already.

There's terrible trouble in fairy land, jack.

Terrible trouble, yes.

I have to go.

Very nice to meet you, pretty lady.

Jack there's a fine man, you know

For a human.

You could do a lot worse.

You could do a lot worse.

A lot worse.

(Waves rolling)

(Gulls calling)

(Sustained note blowing)

(Sustained note blowing)

Jack: kathleen

I've never felt this way

About anyone.

I don't know what's going to happen between us

But I just know that I can't leave here

An-and not take you with me.

Well, then, stay.

You know, stay, and you can get sick

Of the sight of me, hmm ?

(Chuckles)

I can't.

That call from new york, that's, uh...

George: hey, it's the race cheat.

Forget it, george.

I invited him.

Boots.

Boots.

What's he doing here?

None of your business.

I'm sorry, kathleen

But...

I'm leaving on the evening train.

This evening?

(Thunder rumbling)

Good riddance.

George...

Could you go, please?

You're going somewhere?

Can I go with you?

Not me,him.

I don't want to go with him.

No one asked you.

Oh, right.

Could you all

Go now, please?

(Thunder rumbling distantly)

(Sighs)

Kathleen, i...

(Sighs)

I've got no choice.

If i...

If I don't go back, I'm going to lose my job.

But are you so important to them?

They can't exist without you being there?

No, no, of course not

But there's just something I have to...

Stop from happening over there.

I can explain it to you

On the way, but...

Just come with me.

I can't.

Why♪

Um...

Why♪

I want to, jack...

I do...

But i-i can't.

George: kathleen, have you got my pub shirt?

Yes, it's in the press, beside your socks.

(Thunder approaching)

I really can't.

They need me...

And this place

Needs running an-and...

And it's just...

It's all happening too fast

You know, with you

An-and...

This...

And...

The leprechauns.

Alfie's been using my shirt as his bed.

I don't know...

(Distant rooster crowing)

Well...

It's your call.

(Taps twice on table)

It sounds like to me

You're just trying to make a bunch of excuses.

(Thunder rumbling)

(Cow mooing)

(Crackling)

(Cow mooing)

George: we only painted this last week.

Man: how'd it happen?

Where'd the storm come from?

Man: I don't know.

Man: what are we going

To do, kathleen?

Huh♪

Why does the weather keep changing?

(Men continue talking)

Halt.

Halt!

Halt!

Halt!

Halt!

Halt!

Halt!

Halt!

(Distant rumbling)

What's that?

(Rumbling approaching)

(Rumbling grows louder)

(Roaring)

(Birds chirping)

Hello there, Mr. Woods.

I thought you might need

A hand with your luggage.

Thanks.

Ah, I thought I missed you.

Back home, then, is it?

Did you have a good time, then?

Ah, you did, good.

Back to the big city, eh?

The big apple.

(Chuckles)

(Sighs)

Ah...

Don't worry, now...

The train'll be here the moment it arrives.

(Crow cawing)

(Yelling)

(Yelling continuing)

Here she comes, Mr. Woods.

Best get ready-- b*at the rush.

(Metal and brakes screeching)

Ah, a glorious day for the army and for me, ah.

(Soldiers yelling)

(Mumbling)

(Birds chirping)

(Yelling continuing)

(In slow motion): charge!

Charge!

Slaughter them!

(Yelling continuing)

(Whistle blowing over screaming)

(All yelling)

Where's mickey?

Missing the fun.

Come on, you brigands!

Come on, where are you?

Thank you, jericho.

Don't mention it, sir.

Where's barney?

It was a dream.

Yes, literally.

What about our work?

What about the natural works?

If men are fighting There'll be no one left to look after nature.

Nature can look after itself.

We can't take care of nature.

Nature can take care of itself, you hear?

We've a w*r to wage!

There's storms, floods

Snow in summer.

The leaves will wither

And die.

(Trumpet blowing)

(Trumpet blowing)

(Crow cawing)

So...

Did you see me

Before you decided not to get the train

Or did you not

Get the train because you saw me?

I think I catch your drift.

I had decided

To stay anyway.

And what about you, miss kathleen?

Were you going to come with me

Or were you just coming to see

If I was going?

I had my bag, didn't i?

I've asked you To warn me!

Sorry about that, jack.

Ah, the lovely kathleen.

Seamus.

So the spitting fish was your idea, was it?

Well, not directly, no.

But indirectly, yes.

All this crazy weather...

Was that you directly or indirectly?

There's a bit of a disagreement going on

Between ourselves and the trooping fairies.

If you wanted to

You could describe it as a, uh...

Well, mary, how would you describe it?

A full-out w*r.

A full-out w*r.

Mmm.

Yes.

Well, that will just about do it.

A w*r?

What's it about?

Oh, the usual.

Everything and everybody.

Nothing and nobody.

So, can I ask you

A question, jack?

I guess.

Have you ever done any fighting?

Being in the army

As it were.

I, uh...

I did some basic training

In the m*llitary

But, uh...

Never saw any action.

Basic training!

Do you hear that, mary?

Jack's done basic training.

I heard.

Seamus, I'm not going to fight in your w*r

If that's what you're after.

I know that.

The fairies wouldn't let you anyway.

They'd disappear as soon

As they'd look at you.

No, no.

But, you see

We leprechauns are free spirits.

Thinkers and drinkers.

We're not built

For marching in straight lines

And complicated battle plans.

They need to be told what to do.

And you've done basic training.

And they're about

As basic as it gets.

We'd give you the power

To see them all.

And you wouldn't leave empty-handed.

We still have a few pots of gold left.

I thought those pots of gold were just fairy stories.

They are, but

In case you hadn't noticed, we are fairies.

Yes, we still have a few pots put away

For hard times.

What do you say, jack?

It's a noble cause.

Whichever side you're on in a w*r

Is always the noble one.

Yeah, and truly, it's not about taking sides.

It's about getting peace.

Getting things back to normal.

Right.

Right, so the quicker we win, the better.

Oh, I miss him so, maggie.

I miss my first husband, roderick goodrich iii.

A true gentleman.

When he stepped out of his bath

He always rang a small bell

So I wouldn't be alarmed.

In my day, you had to have impeccable manners.

You just couldn't make it in polite society

Unless you had impeccable manners.

Mickey's like that.

Never.

He's a leprechaun.

Totally different case.

A leprechaun wouldn't recognize a gentleman

If he was robbing him.

(Loud thuds)

Lady margaret: my second husband

Samuel balmoral-- he was even more refined.

He'd knock on an oyster shell

Before he opened it.

My third husband

Was a little delicate.

He was the only man I ever knew who was

Allergic to mathematics.

You only had to ask him to add two and two

And he'd retire to bed with a nosebleed.

Truth be told, he was a bit of a loser.

Aha...

There's things better than love and worse than love

But it's impossible to find anything that's just like love.

It makes a man think almost as much of a woman

As he does of himself.

Yeah...

You're right.

So, where are we going?

To the swampland

To see the butter spirit, sir aloysius jentee.

He's a friend of my father's

And the swamp is neutral territory

So they can't touch us there.

(Crickets chirping)

Mickey: I can't see anything.

Jessica: nor me.

We should go the rest of the way on foot.

Yeah.

This way.

Why are they called "butter spirits"?

Because all they care about is butter.

Nothing else matters to them.

(Wings flapping)

(Loud screeching)

(Gasps)

Mickey...

Beastly stuff.

This is the most high butter spirit.

The one and only!

Sir aloysius jentee at your service.

I'm delighted to meet you, Mr. Jentee.

Mickey says that you're an old friend.

I've known him since he was literally

Knee-high to a grasshopper.

Now, you must be princess jessica.

Can you do anything for us, uncle aloysius?

Bust my gaiters...

Laddie, I can offer you sanctuary!

Come here.

This way.

You wouldn't have any butter about, would you?

Irish?

Danish?

English?

We're not particular.

Spread thick.

(Laughing): gad, what delight!

What decadence!

No.

Sorry.

Ah, no matter.

We've adapted.

Now, this is our domain.

This is little england.

Now...

We'll get you settled.

Then you must join me for tiffin.

What's tiffin?

Tea and cucumber sandwiches.

No butter, I'm afraid.

We've got mud...

Plenty of mud.

He spirited her away, your majesty.

It's the devil's work!

Are you sure you were watching, lady margaret ?

My eyes were open hours of the day.

I never slept.

I hardly ate.

And when I did, I didn't look at my food.

(Sobbing)

There, there.

I'm sure muldoon

Won't harm her.

He needs her as a hostage.

I just had word that mickey muldoon

Has taken princess jessica

To the butter spirits in the swamp!

We can rescue her.

Don't punish her.

It's in hand.

Everything's under control

Being organized like clockwork.

Nothing, nothing left to chance.

Ha-ha!

(Groans)

Everything's under control...

Is it?

Father daley: god is in his heaven...

(Thunder crashing)

And all is well with the world...

But is it?

Now you may ask me why.

Why is it

That all these things are happening♪

Why is it that the almighty god has deserted us

But shown us the rocky path

To eternal damnation♪

You may ask me

What can we do to stop

These disasters getting worse and worse

So that our sins can catch us up

And then we are pulled down into the fiery pit!

(Voice rising): I reply to you...

(Calmly): I have absolutely no idea.

(Congregation murmuring)

Any opinions out there?

It's the little people.

The fairies and leprechauns

Have stopped looking after nature.

Anybody with any sensible opinions?

Could it be the state of the economy, father?

Or-or maybe the railways, since they changed the...

Oh, sit down and shut up, man!

Ah, you made it.

This weather

Is unbelievable.

Are you okay?

What's the matter?

You're not on vacation, are you?

You're here to buy up

All these houses so you can turn this place

Into another disneyland...

Aren't you?

It wasn't going to be another disneyland.

(Sighs)

Kathleen...

I tried to tell you.

I came here for work.

They sent me here

To buy up some vacation homes for americans.

You know, give people a chance to live out their dreams.

I wanted to tell you so many times.

So why didn't you?

Well, it doesn't really matter now

Because it's not going to happen.

But you were trying to take our homes.

No, no, I wasn't; I've just been down to the post office

Just now, calling new york

Telling them that this place is not suitable for them.

All right.

Which, um...

Particular lie do you want me to believe, then?

I'm not lying.

Kathleen, I love you.

Oh, right.

That lie.

(Door opening and closing)

(Frogs croaking)

Aloysius: yes, indeed

Dear friends.

Princess jessica

And mickey muldoon are here

Under my protection.

Well, we want them.

Your term, sir, is offensive.

You can't have 'em!

We came under a white flag of peace.

Someone should have told you.

I'm color-blind.

We didn't say good-bye to aloysius.

I don't trust him.

We're better off far away.

Can I speak plainly?

I'd prefer it devious, but be plain if you must.

I'd like to bribe you.

Bribe♪!

Never, sir.

The idea is offensive to my ears.

We are english to the bone!

Where given word kept an englishman's word!

Enough said.

Besides, what could you possibly bribe us with?

Butter.

Ah, butter, of course, yes.

(Gasping)

(Wings flapping)

Well, what's the verdict?

The verdict?

About joining our cause.

Well, to tell you the truth, seamus

I haven't given it much thought.

(Scoffing)

Here we are, engaged in a w*r

That could determine the future

Of civilization as we know it

And you haven't thought about it.

I had a fight with kathleen.

Is that all?

Women trouble?

I have that hours a day.

Was it when she found out you were going

To buy up the cottages?

How did you know that?

We're leprechauns.

We know when there's mischief afoot.

I looked into your heart

And then I looked into

Your drawer inside.

(Chuckles)

Say, seamus...

Could you talk to kathleen ?

Oh, uh, yes, maybe.

Maybe I could, maybe I could.

Of course, it would be in return

For a small favor you might do me.

Like if I help you out?

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, huh?

That's how the world turns, jack.

Anyway, it will take

Your mind off your troubles.

Okay, I'll do it

But you've got to square things with kathleen.

Oh, she's as good as back in your arms.

(Chuckling heartily)

All right.

(Whistling)

Hey, I want you to turn this hairy rabble

Into a fighting machine.

What♪

I'm sure you'll do fine.

You'll do fine.

Anyway, you've all day to do it.

By myself♪

Now, wait a minute.

Just let me explain.

You promised.

What did you do

To our sister?

She's been crying

Her eyes out all night.

Hold still so we can kick you.

Listen, I've been trying to talk to her.

Hold his arms, george.

I'll hit him.

No, you hold his arms; I'll hit him.

You hit the fella the last time.

I held his arms

The last one.

Are you sure about that?

Yes.

Look, it's my turn.

I never get to hit anyone.

You're too young, little harry.

You've got to learn

How to clench your fists first.

Can I make a...?

That's right.

You can't expect

To go straight to the hitting.

Listen, listen, listen.

Why don't we discuss this

Over a drink, like uh... Gentlemen?

And if you still want to get physical

Well, I'll...

I'll oblige you.

What do you say?

Come on.

What do you think?

Why not?

Jack: the beer's in the...

Well, I see you found it.

Well, that's okay.

I wasn't thirsty anyway.

Do you have any chips at all?

Or maybe, you know

Some little nibbles?

No.

No, i...

I don't.

Um, kathleen, is she okay?

I really want to talk to her.

She says you wanted to turn our farm into a casino.

That's not true.

You calling our sister a liar?

Of course not.

I suppose you would have paid a fair bit

For the, uh, the properties, you know.

That doesn't really matter now.

I'm not going through with it, not once I got

To know this place.

George: right.

Sure.

Uh...

The money would have been good though, yeah♪

Seamus: if it's money you're after

How do you feel about getting some gold?

Some gold?

Well, that...

Who said that?

Want to go through with this, seamus ?

Who are you talking to?

You need help, don't you?

Ask them if they've

Done any soldiering.

What's going on?

Say, um...

You boys know anything

About drilling, army-type drilling?

Well, you know, me and the lads were in the school cadet corps.

Yeah.

We like to shout.

Giving orders.

Stomping.

Really♪

George: yeah.

Well, maybe you'd be interested

In helping out our leprechaun friends.

Commander muldoon

Front and center.

Holy...

Mary.

Mother of god.

Commander muldoon

Meet the fitzpatrick brothers.

Gotcha!

(Laughing)

Now then, little leprechaun

Why don't you tell uncle george

Where you've hidden your pots of gold.

What are you doing?

Don't worry about it, jack.

That's what these

Flat-footed, ignorant peasants do

When they catch a poor, defective leprechaun.

We are rich.

Where'd he go?

Where'd he go?

I thought you might be able to behave

Like gentlemen, fitzpatricks

So we can do something about all these disasters

You farmers have been having before it's too late.

Seamus: and maybe get your hands on some gold

For your troubles, after we win.

Sounds like a pretty fair deal

To me, lads, you know?

Yeah.

Oh, uh...

Commander, um...

You know, sorry about the, the grabbing

And the throttling and everything.

You'll, you'll be wanting your little green coat back.

There, there you go.

That's a lovely tweed.

Now, can you drill

Some discipline

Into this fine army

Of layabouts?

What army of layabouts?

All right, leprechauns, we're going

To start a little bit of basic training.

At the end of the training

You're all going to become

Little green berries.

Now...

I am general george.

Now, we're going to start like this.

Attention!

That means you have to stand up straight

With your chests out and your shoulders back.

Very good.

Now, present arms!

No, don't wave at me.

That means you have to present your weapons.

Hold your weapons like this.

The sticks.

The sticks.

Very good.

You especially, very good.

Now, we're going to try a little bit of marching.

Leprechauns...

Right hut!

I said right, right.

To your right.

To the right, quick.

A-march!

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

About face!

Left.

That means turn around.

Turn around the other...

The other way.

Come back, this way.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

And halt!

I said halt!

Stop, stop, stop!

Kathleen, I'm so glad you came.

I've been wanting to explain to you.

Look, I want nothing more to do with you, jack.

You lied to me.

Okay?

But I need you to do something about this fighting.

It's getting worse.

All our milk's turned sour, we've lost

A whole field of wheat

And if it goes on like this, we're going to be ruined.

What are they doing?

They're helping me help the leprechaun.

You shouldn't

Be fighting in the w*r.

You should be trying to stop this.

I am stopping it, okay?

I'm doing the best I can.

Oh, just great.

Big-city boy comes to ireland

To help save the peasants from destruction.

Now, you hold on just a minute.

I pulled somebody

Out of the river.

That's all I did.

And suddenly I find myself a m*llitary advisor

To an army of invisible people two feet high.

That was not in the brochure

And I'm having a little problem handling it, okay?

On top of that, I fall in love

With the most beautiful girl I've ever met

And even though she, she drives me crazy

And so as not to upset her

I lose my bosses a fortune, I lose my job

I lose my apartment

But does that mean anything to her?

No, no.

She still thinks I'm lying to her.

Meanwhile, the world is probably coming to an end

And frankly, this city boy

Has just about had it!

Ah, kathleen, your brothers are doing a fine job.

Come on, me little ginger centurions.

Keep on drilling.

That's what w*r's all about--

Drilling and k*lling, drilling and k*lling!

We're tired.

Our little legs aren't used to it.

We'll have to become invisible.

It's less tiring for us.

Invisible♪

Okay, then.

Seamus: oh, it's all right.

It's all right.

They're still there.

Keep going, yes.

Keep, keep going.

Oh, okay then.

All right.

Marching on the spot!

Hut, two, three...

Come on, lads, you're sounding good.

I hear you and jack

Have had a falling out, kathleen.

Now, if you

Want my advice...

I don't!

Right.

Well, I'll give it to you anyway.

It's no skin off my nose.

Forget about the troubles in your head

But listen to the joy in your heart.

He's a fine man, and you're

As beautiful a flower has ever graced the valley here.

If I was years younger and three feet taller

I'd shove you...

Oh, hello!

There's mary muldoon.

Mistress kathleen

What are your four idiot brothers doing

Talking to themselves

In an empty field?

Well, they're drilling your troops, aren't they?

They've all gone invisible!

No, they've all gone for a drink.

George: now marching in double-time.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

Left, right.

(Seamus snickers)

(Thunder rumbling)

Anything wrong, jack?

No, nothing much

Except that I have to stop a w*r

Save the world and win back the only woman

I ever loved.

Oh, is that all?

Yeah, that's about it.

I'm just an ordinary guy, mary.

You're the first human in years

To actually see us leprechauns and make friends.

You can't be that ordinary.

Well, that was just luck.

Maybe good

Maybe bad.

It makes you extraordinary.

So what do I do, mary ?

Sleep on it.

George: on the right.

Quick march.

Seamus: oh, yes!

Basic training.

Can't b*at it.

Straight lines.

Nearly straight.

Marching magnificently.

I don't know

What they do to the enemy

But they scare the bejesus out of me.

(Gasping)

Mickey!

Mickey: down there.

Come on.

I bear you bad news, sire.

Mickey muldoon's escaped our patrols

And still has your daughter.

The leprechauns

Will probably try and use her for blackmail.

Damn it.

We are beaten!

Beaten♪

I'm sorry, I don't know the meaning of the word.

"Beaten" means we're finished

Done for, kaput, sire.

We must try the same plan.

Now, the princess is important to us

So we have to snatch somebody

Important to them.

Ahh!

Muldoon himself.

I wonder

Where he could be.

He's just outside.

(Squeaking)

(Sighing)

I'm, uh, just going for a drink with fergus.

Helps keep up morale.

Yours or theirs?

You posted sentries?

Of course I have, and I've ordered them all

To stay sharp.

They're about as sharp as billiard balls.

Mary.

Nothing will happen here tonight.

(Light squeaking)

(Irish music playing)

Ahh, this is the stuff they give the troops.

Uh, but shouldn't we be having a bit of an early night, sir?

You know, what, with there being a big battle and all that?

Gielgud, sometimes I suspect

You have a little trooper blood in you.

Sorry about that, sir.

Give me a nettle juice, there.

And make it a double.

(Music stops)

(All cheering)

You shouldn't be here, sire, it's too dangerous.

I must lead.

I'm your king.

(Bird hooting)

What was that?

An owl, sire.

Would you like me to take over?

Oh, no, no, no.

Ah, but, then, you go in front

And I'll be right behind you.

Right, men...

Away.

(People chattering in distance)

Shh.

It's for commander muldoon.

There's muldoon.

Oh...

Wait, wait.

I'll get him.

(Growls)

(Laughing)

I did it.

At last!

What is it, boric?

Victory!

Glorious!

Magnificent victory!

I want my statue

On a horse; I look so good on a horse.

Copper, bronze, I don't mind.

What happened?

We kidnapped the leader of the leprechauns, seamus muldoon.

(Spluttering)

(Mumbling)

(Panting)

Jessica: my father won't listen

Not even to me.

He'll think that I'm under a spell.

Mine will think the same.

And now evil thoughts

Sit on thy shoulders.

It's our fault.

If we hadn't run away together.

I may be

The new guy on the block here, but it's my guess

That you're just an excuse for them to keep fighting.

It's not just a fight.

The grand banshee's taking the lives

Of the soldiers.

We're not immortal anymore.

Who's the grand banshee?

She's the head

The chief, the grand avatar

Of all things fairy and leprechaun.

Well, let's talk to her.

Talk to the grand banshee?

Yeah, where does she live?

Top of moonstone mountain.

No, I think that's a good idea, Mr. Woods.

I think that might work.

She has the power.

There you go.

I'd like kathleen, uh...

Kathleen fitzpatrick to come with us.

Why?

Well, another human.

She's from around these parts.

She's a woman.

You know, it'll show that we're all concerned.

You know, that we're all in it together.

Oh, right.

What?

(Both laughing)

Nothing.

(Whinnies)

To the right.

No!

Firefly, where are you going?

Firefly!

What's going on?

No, time.

We're off to see the grand banshee.

Moonstone mountain.

How did you get the pony to come here?

That was me, I'm afraid.

Sorry.

Moonstone mountain, firefly.

(Firefly whinnies)

Morag: what are you

Going to do now?

Interrogate her.

This is an interrogation room, ma'am.

I took the trouble of turning it into one myself, personally.

There's nothing in it except a chair.

That's what makes it a proper interrogation room.

You're going to interrogate me?

About what?

Seamus never tells me a thing.

He just grunts

When I ask him anything.

Just the same with boric.

That's husbands for you.

You've got it in one.

Excuse me, could we get on with the matter in hand?

So, what are you going to do with me

Now that you've got me♪

Sperry, sperry and mcgirk wanted me

To look into some prospects.

That's it.

That's all.

Well, no, no.

If you want to know the truth, okay?

It wasn't sperry and sperry.

It was mcgirk who asked me.

And do I care?

Well, I'm just telling you.

So you decided to come to ireland

And ruin our peace and quiet.

I haven't seen much peace and quiet since I've been here.

Well, normally, it's much quieter than this, Mr. Woods.

Kathleen: yeah, and anyway, it's about other things as well.

Like I didn't tell you.

Yeah.

He didn't tell you?

Not one word.

Have you any idea where we're going?

Do you?

Uh, problem.

Looks like we'll have to swing around it.

Just like that?

Unless you've got a better idea.

Is that necessary?

I've done some climbing, you know.

Mountain or social?

Give us the rope there, Mr. Woods.

I'll tie it off somewhere up there.

It will be

A human-size knot, won't it, mickey?

Hello, don't look down.

(Gasps)

Mickey: that's it.

You're doing fine there.

Yeah, that's easy for you flyboys to say.

Would you stop shaking the rope!

That's not the rope.

That's me.

(Deep rumbling)

Mickey: quick!

Crawl under this ledge.

(Screams)

(Grunts)

I got you!

We've got to help them.

(Grunting)

Thank you, mickey and jessica.

Thank you for all your help.

That's fine.

See what happens when fairies

And leprechauns work together.

Yeah.

Oh, that's okay, kathleen.

No thanks necessary.

I was just about to thank you.

Oh.

Oh, well, okay.

Thank you.

What♪

That's it♪

Just thank you♪

No small gift♪

No offer of adoption?

Well, thank you very much.

(Chuckles)

Very much.

Thank you very much.

Okay, I'll take "very much" for a start.

And don't make anything of that.

Nothing gets to a lady's heart quicker

Than saving her from falling to her death.

Yeah, I've got her right where she wants me.

That's the entrance there.

It's tiny.

We'll never get through there.

Okay, I'll go by myself.

I'll deal with the grand banshee.

And me.

No, jessica, it might be dangerous.

Mickey, we do this together

So she can see that both sides want peace.

It makes sense, mickey.

I know, but leprechauns have no sense.

Jessica...

I'm coming whether you like it or not.

Jessica.

It's a trojan!

Fergus flynn, esquire.

The fiery changeling

Of moonstone mountain, if you please.

The one and only guardian

Of the cave of the high counselor.

k*ller of cattle

Destroyer of towns

And general all-around goodfella.

We want to see the grand banshee.

Have you an appointment?

Mickey: no.

We didn't know we needed one.

Well, you do.

So how do we get one?

From the grand banshee.

Oh, to see the grand banshee

We have to get an appointment.

From the grand banshee.

Not easy, is it?

Hmm.

"Hmm"♪

What does "hmm" mean?

It means I know a bag of hot air when I see one.

You talking about me?

I'll squash you flat.

You're not big enough.

Still think I'm not big enough?

Well, you're big, flynn

But you're still nothing.

Now!

Go!

You can't do that.

It's cheating!

Whoa!

(Fergus roaring)

Uh-oh.

Fergus: oh, dear.

(Whooshing and chirping)

Funny-looking fellas.

Can we help you?

We've come to see the grand banshee.

Have you an appointment?

Do we need one?

No, but you can't see her without one.

Jessica: how do we get one?

Ask the grand banshee?

Oh, you know that routine.

From the fiery fool at the entrance.

Yes, you just can't get the staff nowadays.

Will you call her?

Please♪!

Oh-hoo, the "pl" word.

We don't hear that around here very often, do we?

No, we don't.

Let's see what we can do.

Ah, look, you're in luck.

We've had a cancellation.

The grand banshee can see you now.

Ah.

Welcome to the hotel splendide.

Would you like a drink♪

No, thank you.

We're here to...

I know why you're here.

This is beautiful.

Thank you.

Why are you living in a hotel?

Because I really like the room service.

Mickey: grand banshee

We came here to ask you to stop this w*r.

We started it, mickey and me.

We're in love, but our families don't approve.

Well, it's very good of you

To come and try to take all the blame on yourselves

But I know there are other reasons.

Well, perhaps, but people are being hurt.

Everything is being destroyed.

Mickey: can't you stop it, grand banshee?

No.

No, I can't.

Well, why not?

Well, because you can't stop people doing

What they really want to do.

And I warned them and I warned you

But nobody listened.

I took away their immortality, and still nobody paid

A bit of attention.

But if this w*r carries on

Then there'll be no fairies left in ireland.

If this w*r carries on

And they don't take care of nature

There'll be no ireland or anything else for that matter.

Come, let me show you something.

From here I can see mother nature herself.

Mickey: oh, it's beautiful.

Except that her leaves are usually green and growing

As they have been for thousands of years.

Jessica: and now they're brown and falling.

Because she's been neglected.

When the last leaf falls

From the tree

All growth and all things will end.

Can we stop it?

I don't know.

I've never seen her look like this.

Perhaps if we could stop the fighting

Maybe it's too late.

Jessica: how long do you think we've got?

Not long.

What about us?

What about us?

You know what I mean.

What?

I cannot trust you anymore.

As simple as that.

No, it's not as simple as that, kathleen.

You know I'm in love with you.

So you say.

Listen to me.

I have given up everything because I want to stay here.

I want to be happy!

Well, I'm not stopping you.

Well, as a matter of fact, you are.

Get out.

Sorry.

That was him.

Stop that.

Sorry.

Sir!

Sir!

Where's Mickey and princess jessica?

I don't know.

They're still missing.

What's your orders?

Oh, uh...

Well, I suppose

I have to do the honorable thing

And rescue my wife.

We'll att*ck.

Great.

They might t*rture her if we att*ck.

You're a good lad, jericho

But you can't cheer me up that easily.

Come on.

The fools are trying to break in.

Impossible!

You'd better learn to fly if you want to take me on!

Right, my oakshee friends.

Do your best.

All right, now, lad.

Brace yourself.

I am braced, you fool.

Fire!

Marquis!

Guards!

Jericho!

Retreat.

Retreat!

All that we did was fall in love.

It was enough to set them

At each other's throats.

There are hardly any leaves left.

The thorn tree.

Evil things sit on those twisted branches.

They say that lovers who lean against the thorn tree

Lose their love forever.

I don't want to lose my love.

No, no, nor do i, but...

But if we...

If we stopped

Caring so much about each other

Maybe we could return to our families

And, and they'd make peace.

Mickey...

Are you sure?

No, no, I'm not

But shouldn't we at least try?

Yes.

So, how do you feel?

All right.

And how do you feel about me?

All right.

How do...

How do you feel about me?

All right.

Oh, good.

Well, that's all right, then.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

So, to test it--

To make sure it's all over--

It's all finished between us--

If I were to give you a little kiss

Like this...

You feel...♪

Nothing.

Oh, right.

And, well, if I was to kiss you back...

Like this...?

Not a thing.

Good.

Yeah.

Same here.

And if...

If I were to...

To hold onto you like this...?

And if i...

I were to put my arms around you

Like...

Like this...?

Maybe a little tremor there.

Just a little one.

You're rich, boys!

You're rich!

Time to get the gold I promised you.

Lads.

Lads!

I found something.

(All laughing)

Seamus, what's been happening?

Did you win?

It was a glorious draw.

So, does that

Mean peace?

Never.

Total victory or nothing.

If you don't make peace

There'll be nothing left to fight over.

But the trooping fools will have to agree to peace, as well.

They'll never

Do that so long as they think

That mickey has spirited jessica way.

Then we'll have to get them to explain.

Where could they have gone, seamus?

Oh, probably the swamp.

That's neutral territory.

The swamp.

You know the way

There, do you?

I know this is a stupid question

But is there real gold?

Hah!

I told you

There's more, there's more!

There's one there.

Where?

There's one over by the trees.

Keep going.

Boric: and you give us your word that you won't try to escape?

Mary: of course I won't.

And even if I did, would you believe me?

This is a very bare-looking room, your majesty.

You could do wonders

With a few flowers and some scatter cushions

And maybe a small sofa.

Sire?

Sire?

I think you should come

And see what progress we have made.

Excuse me, ladies.

What is that

Idiot bulstrode doing now?

He's digging a tunnel under the palace.

Digging a tunnel to get out?

That's not right.

We're besieging you.

We should be digging a tunnel to get in.

That's what I keep saying

But they won't listen to me.

They never do.

And they've completely forgotten about my daughter.

Poor, sweet jessica...

Under that leprechaun's spell!

I think you'll find it's the other way around.

Mickey has been bewitched by a chit of a girl.

Of course, you would say that, wouldn't you♪

It's typical, double-dealing leprechaun behavior.

Double-dealing, is it?

Now, you listen to me.

I won't listen to someone

Whose idea of having a wash

Is to stand outside and wait for the rain.

And I won't listen to someone

Whose only idea of a friend can be found in a mirror.

Our engineers are working

On the tunnel night and day.

And it had to be in the middle

Of the ballroom, did it?

Yes, sire.

It's a direct line between here and there.

Has the queen seen what you've done to the floor?

Not yet.

Well, make sure I'm there when she does, will you?

Certainly.

Come, sire.

I'm not going down there.

Not here.

Outside, to see the rebel camp.

We're digging a tunnel under that field

And under their camp.

Boric: they'll be surprised

When we pop up behind them.

If the tunnel doesn't collapse.

Good point.

Oh, that's a first.

I made a good point.

See it doesn't, bulstrode.

That's already taken care of, sire.

I've given strict orders to it that it's not to collapse.

Oh, that'll work, then.

We can all sleep easy in our beds tonight.

Ah!

And english butter to boot.

This puts

A whole different complexion on the matter.

Butter changes everything.

I had a feeling

It might make a difference, uncle.

But we haven't come here for sanctuary.

We want your advice.

Really?

Why me, lad?

This situation needs someone who's clever

Devious, slippery and crooked.

Someone who can see around corners.

Flattery will get you everything.

What's the problem?

We want to put a stop to this w*r

Bring our families together.

It'll have to be something

Really spectacular and shocking.

Hmm.

Have you thought

Of dying at all?

Well...

Well, if...

If you think that it might

Really help, then...

No, I don't mean for real.

That might succeed

But you wouldn't be there to enjoy it.

That would defeat the whole point of the exercise.

No, if your families thought you'd go that far

Rather than be parted

That would do the trick just as well.

It might.

But...

But how could it work?

Follow your uncle jentee.

This...

Is poison.

Well, let's say, it acts like poison.

Drink it, blood stops, you go into a coma.

Of course, a lot of people I know are in a coma

Without drinking this-- no names.

No patrial.

Anyway, for all intents and purposes

That's it.

Now, this...

Is the antidote.

Drink it...

And you'll be fine

Provided you drink it

Within ten minutes

Of taking the poison.

If you don't...

No more cricket on the green.

No more warm beer.

No more butter.

Mickey!

Jessica!

Kathleen: jessica!

Mickey!

There.

Jessica: kathleen.

Hey, thank goodness you're safe.

You have to come back and explain.

They think you're under some magic spell.

We are.

We're in love.

We have a plan.

Listen.

Okay, that sounds good.

Yeah, if you think it'll work.

They'll need time to prepare though.

Good luck, Mr. Woods.

Mickey: good luck.

Good luck, jack.

Look.

(Thunder rumbling)

(Cracking)

(Wind whistling)

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

(Frightened grunting)

(Grunts)

You really should watch

Where you're going, Mr. Woods.

You know who I am?

Course.

I'm the grand banshee.

You're the grand banshee?

You don't have to look so surprised.

What were you expecting--

Two heads, fire breathing?

I could do that, too.

(Laughing): no, no, no, no, no, no.

I've been watching you.

I'd like this w*r to end as much as you would.

Yeah♪

(Chuckles)

We have a plan.

I know.

You do?

I'm all-seeing.

That's why I plucked you

Out of the twister.

Oh.

Well...

Thanks.

Well...

You're welcome.

So, will it work?

Your plan?

Yeah.

I'm...

All-seeing.

That's a little vague.

Well, I'm not a fortune teller, am i?

Good day.

Oh, so, you wouldn't...

You wouldn't know

By any chance, if kathleen and I were...

(Squawking)

Whoa.

Aah...

Troopers.

(Chuckling)

Jack: seamus ?

Seamus.

Seamus: oh, jack.

Oh, I'm glad to see you've decided

To join the side of right and justice.

I need to talk to you...

Alone.

Listen, seamus...

You got to call a peace conference here now.

What♪

Mickey and princess jessica--

They believe that their love is the reason

For all this fighting.

They'd rather die than be parted.

They wouldn't.

Oh, they would

And they will, unless you get in touch

With king boric and at least talk.

I can't do it.

I can't.

I just can't.

I have my pride.

What's that against your son's life, seamus?

Boric: the white flag?

What the devil does he want?

No, no, no, no.

And my mickey?

Uh, together Unless both sides meet and talk.

Boric: I don't believe it.

Morag: I believe it.

She wouldn't do it.

She would!

She's in love!

Muldoon wouldn't think up that trick

Just to get you talking.

Aye, he only wants us to talk.

If we don't talk, and the two of them do it...

Well, of course, we'll talk.

Boric!

They have a human to fight for them.

Don't worry.

They're docile

So long as you don't make any sudden movements.

And where is bulstrode?

Underground, still digging.

Boric: best place for him.

And who's this?

A neutral.

He's here as an observer.

I'm not fighting.

It wouldn't matter to us if you did.

Chamberlain.

Chamberlain: on behalf of king boric

And the trooping fairies

We thought you might like to say "hello" to your wife.

Hello.

Now, let's get on with it.

Is that all you have to say

You half-gutted mackerel?

The man asked me if I'd like to say "hello"

And I have said "hello."

Now, let's get on with the important stuff.

I am seamus muldoon

Whose clan were the lords of offaly , Years before his ancient majesty here

Was even born.

Boric: my clan stretches back

To before a leprechaun had even thought

Of building

A mud hut.

(Cheering and applause)

We're not here to prove whose family's the oldest.

We're here to make peace for your children's sake.

Seamus: "peace"?

What peace?

These trooping fairies k*lled sean devine

And drove my son into exile!

Boric: these leprechauns

Have kidnapped my daughter, jessica

Cast a spell on her

And k*lled my nephew, count grogan.

Where's my daughter?

What have you done with her?

Seamus: well, I have no idea where she is.

She...enticed my son away from his duty

With her female magic.

That's right.

Yes, she did.

(Muttering)

(All yelling)

We're here to make peace.

(Shouting continuing)

Okay.

It must be

Within ten minutes.

Yes, I know.

Don't worry.

Over here!

Over here, quickly!

Hurry, take them to their parents!

Hurry!

(Warriors shouting)

Right there!

Would you believe this♪

With our husbands in charge♪

Yes.

Yes.

Jessica!

Mickey!

(Sobbing)

They took a potion.

No!

I warned you.

They thought that they were the reason for this w*r.

They thought this way it would end.

You can't let their sacrifice be in vain.

End this w*r now.

(Whispering): there must be a peace treaty.

Jack: later.

Right now?

All you have to do is

Shake hands over the bodies of your children.

"Shake hands"?

A handshake between gentlemen

Is more binding than any treaty in the world.

Ah, that's true.

Do it.

Shake hands!

Now, boric!

(Clears throat)

(Horse nickering)

(Grunts)

(Whinnying)

Where's jack?

Won't someone help?

Someone help, please!

Jack?

Jack, I didn't mean any of it.

(Sobbing)

I love you, jack.

(Clamoring)

Come on, men, we're there!

You're nowhere, you blundering fool!

It's happening.

No!

Why won't she save

Our children?!

Save them.

You must!

Bring them back to us.

And jack.

Save jack.

I can't save jack.

He doesn't need it.

He's only winded.

What?

Jack...

Jack?

Jack!

(Laughing)

Ah, but mickey and jessica, that's another story.

They're not so easily saved.

But that's what comes from stupid w*r.

But it's over.

They...

They shook hands.

There's nothing I can do

Unless, of course

You really want peace in your hearts.

Gentlemen's agreement--

No more w*r.

Never again!

Bulstrode: don't say that, sire!

I'd be out of work!

Unless everyone wants peace.

We do!

We do!

We do!

Bulstrode!

Oh, all right, then.

(Cheering)

Look!

Oh...

Jessica...

What's happened?

Sean!

Sean!

Sean how's it going, lads?

I must have fell asleep.

I had a few, and I was dead tired.

Yeah, you were dead, all right.

What's going on, grand banshee?

It's a surprise.

I didn't know you could bring them back like that.

Well, if you knew, it wouldn't be a surprise

Now, would it?

(Laughing)

Where is count grogan?

Oh, I'll be keeping him for the next years or so Just to be on the safe side.

Good thinking, grand banshee.

Wife's side of the family.

Uh, how about a drink before you go?

Oh, no, I couldn't.

Oh, yes, I could.

Save me a branch; I'll be back.

Drinks all around!

On me!

(Cheers)

great idea.

Nothing.

Nothing!

Hey, you!

You scurvy knick-knocker!

There's no pots here!

There's no gold.

He cheated us!

You and that...

Toddlin' tripe Called muldoon.

Somebody call?

There he is, lads.

Now, hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Gold is there.

Just haven't dug in the right places.

We've dug every place.

You haven't dug...

There.

That looks good.

(Rumbling)

What's happening, lads?

What's happening now?

It's an earthquake!

Yes, boys, you're rich!

You're rich!

I want to get married here in ireland.

I haven't asked you yet.

Were you going to?

Maybe.

All the words in the world

Won't make a marriage binding.

Only you can do that.

It's up to you.

I now pronounce you Man and wife.

♪ I have always been certain ♪

♪ Things are not always what they seem ♪

♪ Though the heavens stop turning ♪

♪ I'll be holding onto our dream ♪

♪ We can fly away ♪

♪ Fly away... ♪

Drink up, bulstrode.

What's the matter♪

No more wars.

Aw, write your memoirs.

"How I saved the world and other fairy stories."

Yes.

Yes, that's a marvelous idea.

♪ ...you heard my word, my hope, my call ♪

♪ We can fly away over ♪

♪ You gave your hand, your heart, your all ♪

♪ We can fly away over it all ♪

♪ In a magical moment ♪

♪ You reached out and touched the real me ♪

♪ Now there's no stone before us ♪

♪ As strong as the love we both feel ♪

♪ We can fly away, fly away ♪

♪ If we give our love, love will come our way ♪

♪ Fly away, fly away ♪

♪ From the darkness to the sun, let our spirits be as one ♪

♪ You heard my word, my hope, my call ♪

♪ We can fly away over ♪

♪ You gave your hand, your heart, your all ♪

♪ We can fly away over it all ♪

♪ Fly away over... ♪

It is beautiful.

I can see it now.

I can.

It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

♪ ...fly away, fly away ♪

♪ If we give our love, love will come our way ♪

♪ Fly away, fly away ♪

♪ From the darkness to the sun, let our spirits be as one ♪

♪ You heard my word, my hope, my call ♪

♪ We can fly away over ♪

♪ You gave your hand, your heart, your all ♪

♪ We can fly away over it all ♪

♪ You heard my word, my hope, my call ♪

♪ We can fly away over it all ♪

♪ You gave your hand, your heart, your all ♪

♪ We can fly away over it all... ♪

---The end---