03x06 - To Whom It May Concern

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

(WHOOSHING)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(BELL JINGLES)

(CASH REGISTER DINGS)

NECROMANCER: Well, well, well.

Landon Kirby.

Took you long enough.

(LAUGHS)

- (CLOCK TICKING, BIRDS CHIRPING)

(MOUTHS)

JOSIE: What's that?

Uh...

(CLEARS THROAT)

It's just some paperwork that built up while we were looking for Landon.

(CHUCKLES)

- I have something for you.

- Why is this thing covered in algae?

Because I just fished it out of the lake.

Why?

What is it?

I'm not sure.

That's why I need to do a little more research.

But that's not anything you need to worry about.

Here.

You made me lunch?

And I put all your supplies in here.

There's a cell phone and some cash in the front pocket.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

- What?

I never had a chance to do the whole "send my daughter off to her first day of school" thing before.

You're doing great.

And so will you.

Now, I know Mystic Falls High.

It's gonna be tough at first, Jo.

You're joining in the middle of a semester, but...

(EXHALES)

...you'll find your place.

Now you're making me nervous.

I believe in you.

That's all.

- And you're sure you're going to be okay?

- (CHUCKLES)

I'm gonna be fine.

(LAUGHS)

Don't worry about us.

Now go get 'em.

(BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY)

♪ ♪

♪ Don't you think it's kind of funny ♪

♪ How I saw this coming ♪

(WHISPERS): Landon...

♪ Like I've seen this world before... ♪

LANDON (ECHOES): I want to remember this moment forever.

♪ I don't want to wait until the morning ♪

♪ 'Cause my heart has had enough ♪

♪ I wouldn't mind it if I knew it would be fine ♪

♪ But I just can't be sure 'cause... ♪

All right.

Commence Operation: Rescue Hope from Herself.

I know that you don't want to hear this right now...

- I'm in.

- ...but...

Wait, what?

I'm in.

For whatever crazy thing you were about to say.

But I had a whole speech.

I'm sure it was amazing, but I'd rather not talk right now.

Let's just do anything.

Great.

Dad wants us to run the tour for prospective students.

Except that I can't handle being around a bunch of strangers right now.

Okay, I knew I'd need my speech.

You know, when MG and Alyssa hooked up, I wanted to crawl into a hole for days.

Are you seriously comparing Landon dying to you not realizing that MG was a good guy until it was too late?

Okay, well, it's-it's not a competition, Hope.

Maybe Wade could do the tour.

Wade?

Okay, well, you're grieving, so I will overlook that suggestion.

All I'm asking for is one shift.

As soon as MG and Kaleb get back with the first wave of returning students, they can take over the tour from you.

And then things can get back to normal.

I think it would be a good distraction.

For both of us.

Josie's first day?

Thank you for acknowledging that I am handling it with a surprising amount of dignity and poise.

I'd just rather not do it by myself.

Fine.

I'm not talking to anyone.

Please.

There will be so many of them, you'll hardly be able to hear yourself think.

(WHISPERS): You're gonna have to say something.

(WHISPERS): We had a deal.

Welcome to the Salvatore School.

We'll just give it a few minutes for the stragglers.

(EXHALES)

Does anyone have any questions, or, um...?

(GASPS)

Oh, thank God.

(GERMAN ACCENT): Where are all the other students?

We had a midsemester break.

But don't worry, they'll be back any minute, and this place will fill up real fast.

My parents said that your "midsemester break" was because the daughter of the headmaster used black magic and k*lled another student.

Well, that's not true.

Um, the reason for the break was because of all the monster...

trucks...

that, uh... you know...

Why don't we just start the tour?

(BLENDER WHIRRING)

Excuse me, aren't you supposed to...?

There will be no singing.

Get out!

(BELLS JINGLE)

(CHUCKLES): Sorry about that.

Constant stream of human debris in here.

What is this place?

Well, it's my own personal hell.

When you two lovebirds left us in the prison world, Malivore consumed me.

Then he built this place to t*rture me, forcing me to serve the humans and creatures stuck in here.

Why ice cream?

It's a long story.

Well, if you hate it, why not just break out?

Brilliant!

Why didn't I think of that?

They're enchanted shackles.

I can't get them off.

I finally found a passing sphinx who was able to read the inscription on the sides.

Apparently, they're spelled to only come off if you "do the thing you would never do."

(LAUGHS)

The only thing I can look forward to in this wretched existence is getting the latest gossip from customers.

Speaking of which, why'd your little Tribrid girlfriend leave you to wander here all alone?

(GASPS)

Don't tell me you broke up.

She didn't leave me.

We both escaped to the real world and then...

something happened, and I got sent here.

And now you're stuck with no way home.

Not for long.

Hope will find a way to get me back.

Strange she hasn't done it already, though, isn't it?

Of course, time moves differently in here.

What feels like days in here is probably months out there in the real world.

I mean, she might've already moved on.

(CHAIN RATTLES)

Are you sure she wants you back?

I don't even know why I'm talking to you.

As far as I'm concerned, you deserve to rot in here forever.

So, if, hypothetically speaking, I knew a way out of Malivore, you wouldn't be interested?

Malivore left me with this, too.

The sphinx said it's a key to a door out of the darkness.

Location unknown.

Oh, and why would Malivore leave me a way out, you ask?

Simple.

He likes to t*rture me with something just out of reach.

I can't go and find said door because I'm stuck in here.

You help me out of these shackles, and I'll find us a way home.

What do you say, old-fashioned team-up?

LIZZIE: The house was rebuilt sometime after the Civil w*r.

The actual Civil w*r, not like the stuff.

(FADING): Anyway, you might notice...

♪ ♪

(WHISPERS): Sorry.

Right this way to the Great Room.

What was that?

Do you have to have another one of your yelling in the woods moments?

It's nothing.

I'm fine.

LIZZIE: As I was saying, the Great Room is where all the fun stuff happens.

Uh, you have to picture it with the fireplace on and everybody passing through on their way to class.

And, uh, witches on the ceiling.

BOY: Let's go.

This is tragic.

HOPE: Don't go yet.

The other students should be here any minute.

LIZZIE: Perfect timing.

Here they are.

Meet the Salvatore Stallions.

♪ ♪ Where's everybody else?

This is everybody else.

None of the other students came back.

- What's going on?

- Oh, they're watching us, so let's just pretend that everything's fine.

(CHUCKLES)

Where are all the other students?

None were at the pick-up spot.

Must've been some kind of miscommunication.

Yeah, they're not coming back.

I received a letter from a group of concerned parents.

Apparently, enlisting the whole school in a battle royale against the Necromancer was the last straw.

So they no longer feel it's safe here and they're transferring to other schools.

LIZZIE: How long has that letter been sitting on your desk?

That's not important.

KALEB: W-What about the faculty?

Well, without those tuition checks coming in, we can't afford all the teachers, so one problem at a time.

I will handle the parents.

Meanwhile, this tour...

needs to work out.

I'll come with you, since you clearly need the help.

(CHUCKLES)

Who was that man?

(LAUGHTER)

I think that's the headmaster.

CLEO: Can you hear what they are saying?

Oh, yeah.

They are in trouble.

Okay, so, game plan...

Faction Feud?

Mini-field day?

What you got, MG?

Right, right, right.

Um, I got, uh...

No.

What?

Kaleb convinced me to start putting myself first.

I don't want to entertain anyone.

- Yeah, no, that's not...

- No, no, no, you're right.

Okay, listen, Alyssa broke my heart.

So if I'm being honest with myself, I need a minute.

- Thank you, thank you.

- No, no, it's...

That is not my fault.

All right, focus.

What can we do?

Um...

Nothing.

I mean, it's pointless without the other students here to make it seem fun.

- We should postpone.

- We can't.

We had to memorize the Salvatore charter in third grade.

Mystic Falls requires us to have a certain number of students to be considered a school.

Because if we don't have enough students, we have to close the school.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Excuse me, that's my locker.

I know.

- Dorian!

- (LAUGHS)

Are you teaching here now?

Worse.

I'm the new principal.

Emma made me promise to get a job that was...

monster-free.

Fortunately, your dad told me there was an opening here.

Well, I'm glad you're here.

And thank you for this.

Oh.

Don't thank me.

Wasn't my idea.

Oh, hey.

Welcome back.

KALEB: All right, you guys.

You're gonna love this part.

Oh, and no sudden moves.

Our werewolf pack is as legendary as they are dangerous.

Ah.

... , .

(GRUNTS)

Nice, guys.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, sorry, didn't see you guys there.

This is...

Jed.

Our alpha.

Is this the whole pack?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's intentional.

At Salvatore, we pride ourselves on having a high wolf-to-alpha ratio.

Um, Hope is also a wolf.

I'm sure she'd love to tell you more about life here at Salvatore.

Hope?

Yeah.

It's great, um...

You know, we...

throw a lot of cool parties.

- Yeah.

- HOPE: Um...

We play a lot of dodgeball.

It's, um...

(SHOUTS)

Uh, thanks, Hope.

How about we, uh, keep it moving, Jed?

Yeah, uh, right this way.

What?

I think those two are a no.

(CHUCKLES)

You think?

(GROANS)

Okay, what the hell was that?

You looked like you were about to explode.

It's nothing.

I'm fine.

Look, Hope, if you go off like a magic time b*mb, it cannot exactly make this place seem safe.

I can control it.

I can control it, I swear.

This is my home.

I can't stand by and lose that, too.

Have you ever fought in a w*r?

Done it.

Betrayed a friend?

Please.

Have you fallen in love?

(SIGHS)

Done it.

And then m*rder*d them?

Of course.

(CHUCKLES)

Now you see my dilemma.

There's nothing I wouldn't do.

You've got to hand it to Malivore.

He knows where to stick the Kn*fe.

(GROANS)

Another way he punishes me.

The illusion of time passing.

We're only open from : to : technically.

Isn't that better?

No, don't you see?

I spend all night dreading the next day.

Knowing that this wretched cycle is doomed to begin all over again.

Malivore knows it's the anticipation that gets you.

Everything in here...

is psychological t*rture.

The freezer's always locked!

He's trying to drive me insane!

Or not.

You remember what he said about when he made you human last time?

He was trying to teach you a lesson.

And what lesson would this be?

Never work in food service?

The customer's always right.

He wants you to humiliate yourself in front of the human debris.

Well, he can forget it.

Because singing that asinine song is something I'll...

oh, never do.

What's worse t*rture than hiding something in plain sight?

Come on, you want to be free or not?

(QUIETLY): ♪ If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. ♪

Oh, I think it has to be louder.

♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪

♪ Then your face will surely show it ♪

♪ If you're happy and you know it ♪

♪ Clap your hands. ♪

Oh...

Oh.

You wonderful boy.

♪ ♪ (LANDON GROANS SOFTLY)

(CHAINS RATTLE)

Wakey, wakey.

By the way, I lied about our little deal.

The mythical door out of Malivore only lets one person through.

We couldn't have both used it to get out.

Then why are you chaining us together?

Because I'm not looking for the door.

Malivore wants to t*rture me by giving me a key and having me search endlessly in the dark for some escape hatch that's probably not even there?

Pass.

It probably only leads to the prison world where Malivore's body's trapped anyway.

Besides...

I have a better escape plan.

- You.

- Me?

(GRUNTING): Mm.

Mm-hmm.

I can't escape this place.

(LAUGHING RAUCOUSLY)

Oh, oh, oh... dear boy.

No one would ever think you could escape by yourself.

Oh!

But you were right about Hope.

And I've seen her mind.

She is her father's daughter.

She'll cross every line to save what she loves.

She'll do whatever it takes, unlike...

you, who just... waits to be saved.

(LAUGHS)

Come on!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I can't seem to get away from you.

Sorry, is this seat taken?

It belongs to my lab partner.

But the position is currently open and accepting applications if you think you'd be a strong candidate.

Mm, that would depend on what benefits you offer.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Someone's having a good first day.

Everyone's been really nice.

And the teachers have been really helpful.

I honestly didn't expect to feel so...

What's that?

Sorry, I'm nosey, but...

what's that?

Just a letter from my sister telling me not to worry about her.

You worry about her a lot?

Apparently I don't.

Because I haven't thought about her once today.

(BAG ZIPS)

Sorry.

Um, I'm sorry.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hey, man.

Got a sweet new campaign.

Want to tempt the -sided mistress of fate with me?

Sure.

What's that?

Um... it's how me and Alyssa would talk long-distance before, um...

(KNOCKING)

Uh, hey, man.

Can I grab you for a second?

I just want to apologize for, uh...

Hooking up with his girlfriend?

Yeah.

That.

(MIRROR CHIMES)

MG: It's Alyssa.

- We'll give you a minute.

- MG: Actually...

No.

I don't want to talk to her.

And, Wade?

I don't actually like playing D&D.

Just because I read comics books doesn't mean I have no dignity at all.

And, Jed, that's not my job to make you feel better about being a jerk.

So, no, apology not accepted.

I should do this a lot more often.

Crisis averted.

I called some parents.

We now have students.

It's enough to satisfy the town charter.

This is not students, it's names.

You have Landon and Rafael listed on there.

Meaning we're still down two.

I hate to say this, but maybe we need to bring Josie back.

Dad, no.

For her sake, we have to find another way.

This is a disaster.

All right, the tour's bleeding students.

(STAMMERS)

We got to pull out all the stops.

Okay, what can I do to help?

- What?

- LIZZIE: Jed, who is leading the tour?

HOPE: I know you guys have already seen this room, but a lot of really great moments happen here that you wouldn't assume just by looking at it.

This is where we eat together.

And we have our assemblies here.

Birthday parties.

Decade dances.

(LAUGHTER)

HOPE (ECHOES): We have to let them go.

Um, and this is where some of our students discovered their powers for the first time.

(LAUGHS)

HOPE (WHISPERS): Don't let me go.

LANDON: Never. And we recently had our first school musical.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

LANDON: Hope Mikaelson. Always.

And...

I can't...

LANDON: I love you, Hope Mikaelson.

Everyone's gonna be fine.

LIZZIE: It's not your fault.

ALARIC: Uh, just... give her a minute.

In the meantime, we need to handle damage control.

Okay?

Because we need at least two of these three to register.

Just as soon as they, you know, regain consciousness.

KALEB: Okay.

So, divide and conquer?

I'll take the cute vampire, I guess.

Nope.

I'll take him.

Fine.

I'll have the witch with the cool accent.

Eh, actually, you two didn't see, but she was kind of vibing me, so...

figured I could go in and seal the deal.

Ew.

Wait, that leaves me with High-and-Mighty Granger.

Like Hermione Granger, but just more stuck-up?

- (CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

- Lizzie, I say this with love and absolute acceptance for who you are, but you're gonna need to censor yourself just a little bit, okay?

No matter how annoying she is, just go along with it, okay?

So, this is your big plan?

Just wait for Hope to show up?

Do you have somewhere to be?

It's infinite darkness.

I'm not wasting my energy looking for some mythical door that's probably not even there.

Plus, isn't waiting to be saved what you were doing when you found me?

Is there any inscription or anything on the key?

Like, with the shackles?

Just a few words about a snowstorm, or something.

Well, maybe the words are a riddle or a clue.

What exactly does it say?

Knock yourself out.

Literally.

I liked you better when you were unconscious.

"Blizzard Breeze"?

I remember that name from working at the Grill.

Yeah, they're a company.

They make appliances, like refrigerators and coolers and-and...

- freezers.

- Freezers.

Wait, no...

(GRUNTING)

No, no, no, no!

(LAUGHS, GRUNTS)

(PIANO PLAYING)

Oh, you're awake.

Oh, sorry about that earlier.

Hope was just conducting one of our new "defense against magic" drills.

That was a drill?

Uh, yeah, sure, whatever.

But enough about the school.

Let's-let's talk about you.

What are your dreams, your-your fears?

One of my fears is being stuck in a room with a man who plays piano.

Uh-huh.

(STOPS PLAYING)

That girl could not control the magical energy inside of her.

Is she all right?

Yeah, of course.

The-the Salvatore School is one of the safest places to be.

Then why are the other students not returning?

Uh, they, uh...

I know the school is in trouble.

What happens if we do not register?

It doesn't even matter to us whether you register or not.

We're...

We're good.

We're good.

(CHUCKLES)

Said the man who took the time to light candles.

I am sorry, but I cannot stay in a place where they will not tell me the truth.

But for what it is worth, your playing is not...

unpleasant.

Damn.

(CHUCKLES)

ALARIC: So, Günter, this sounds like a perfect match.

You're a fan of history.

That's very important to our curriculum here.

Perhaps your parents could sign a letter of intent.

My parents are dead.

Oh.

I, uh, I'm sorry to hear that.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Perhaps your legal guardians, then?

My guardians are from an old vampire line.

They taught me about history and my family tree.

Ah, well, I'd certainly like to hear more about it.

Perhaps on the way to the office.

They also taught me about how several of us were m*rder*d by a vampire hunter.

Uh-huh?

They made me swear an oath of vengeance if I ever met that vampire hunter.

Uh-huh.

I'm glad we get this time alone, Headmaster Saltzman.

(BLADE DROPS)

GABY: Well, this is a huge letdown.

My old school in Belgium had a kitchen twice this size.

It was a renovated castle.

That's great.

A witch who went to my old school warned me this place was run-down.

I think you know her.

Penelope?

She has a lot of opinions.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

So hearing me criticize this place doesn't bother you at all?

No.

Because Penelope said that the best part about this school was your sister Josie.

If this school is so great, why isn't she here?

Okay, you know what?

This school might not be perfect or a "renovated castle," but it's all we have.

And if it isn't good enough for you, fine.

Don't go here.

Just leave us behind and go off and find yourself in the human world and make a bunch of amazing new friends and forget all about us, and we'll just lose you forever.

By the way, I don't think that was about me.

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

CLEO: Are you all right?

I miss being in a studio.

I was always more of a sculptor, though.

Do you paint?

I don't want to talk about it.

Are you sure?

Because it seems as if you've just expressed yourself.

There is a game my sisters and I used to play.

What do you see?

I have to go.

Because perhaps running will work this time?

I do not know you, but I know there is something inside you that is powerful.

And I would rather not be knocked unconscious again.

So...

it is time to talk.

What do you see?

Look.

Sworn to vengeance, blood oath.

I totally get it.

But...

Here's why I think the Salvatore School can still be a good fit.

Mein Gott. Just stake me.

Let me tell you a story about a vampire that I wanted to k*ll once who eventually became my best friend.

It doesn't matter what you say.

You have k*lled ubërnaturals.

You're not fit to be the headmaster here.

Nothing will ever change that.

You couldn't figure out the cafeteria's labyrinthine social order?

I prefer this.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

Why aren't you in there with the football team?

Ah, it doesn't feel right till I've earned my spot back.

Besides, I saw someone who could use a friend.

(SIGHS)

It gets easier.

Not having a sibling around when they've been your best friend most of your life.

But... even when it's hard, I know that Maya would kick my butt if I stopped trying.

Don't you ever feel guilty about how you stayed behind when they left?

(SIGHS)

Yeah, for a while.

But then I remembered what they want most is for me to be happy.

So I'm trying to be.

I see anger.

Fear.

I see my friends in trouble.

And even though I'm trying to help them, I'm just making it worse.

Like what's inside of me is gonna keep coming out, because...

(SIGHS)

...every room I go into reminds me of him.

I am sorry.

Me, too.

I know I'm supposed to start moving forward, but...

I don't know how.

In my experience, you have already done the hardest part.

You said it out loud.

Hmm.

May I ask you something?

If it is so painful, why not just leave?

This is my home.

I don't know who I would have become if it weren't for this school.

Is this place safe?

Sometimes it's dangerous.

But...

it's a place where it's safe to be yourself.

You are the first person here who has been honest with me.

A little too late.

We have to close if we don't have enough students.

I see.

(SIGHS)

And how would a new student go about signing up?

(PANTING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

♪ If you're happy ♪

♪ And you know it, clap your hands. ♪

(CHUCKLES)

Come on.

This was how it was always gonna end for you, my boy.

(COUGHS)

You just don't have it in you to win at all costs.

(CHUCKLES): Oh... yes.

(CHAINS RATTLE)

(FREEZER DOOR OPENS)

(HISSES)

You were right.

Malivore hid it in plain sight, the cheeky bastard.

(CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

♪ ♪

(WHOOSHING)

ALARIC: Thank you, Cleo.

Any parents that I should talk to?

No.

It is just me.

Not anymore.

Well, unfortunately, we still need one more student, because I just put Günter on a plane back to the fatherland.

GABY: Dr. Saltzman, I'd like to register for this institution.

A certain student made me realize this school isn't nearly as bad as I thought it was.

WADE: Guys, this is my friend Gaby.

We've been playing an online D&D campaign for years, and we finally got to meet in person.

Isn't that awesome?

(ALARIC CHUCKLES)

Welcome to the Salvatore School.

- Hey.

- Hi.

I'm really sorry for acting so weird today.

Look, it's partly my fault.

I came on too strong with the locker and the flirting, and...

I can be a lot.

No, no, you were great.

It was honestly one of the best days I've had in a really long time.

Which freaked me out, because it felt like I didn't deserve to have so much fun.

Which probably makes zero sense.

My family was pretty screwed up.

So when I turned , I...

emancipated myself.

I've been on my own a couple years now.

And you know what the hardest part was?

Feeling guilty that...

I was the one who got out.

And believing I deserve to be happy.

You'll get there.

Just take it one step at a time.

♪ ♪

(LAUGHS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

- Thank you.

- Mm.

It's really soft.

(QUIET CHATTER CONTINUES)

♪ I don't read the headlines and I don't watch the news ♪

♪ 'Cause I lose faith in something every time ♪

♪ I do ♪

- ♪ Well, I don't mean to bury... ♪

- (KNOCKING)

Lizzie.

(SIGHS)

What are you doing?

I am getting rid of the things that remind me of Alyssa.

At first I thought it was too mean, but then I realized, no, I'm done caring about what other people think.

♪ 'Cause we're all reaching for something... ♪

What's wrong?

I just feel like everything is...

changing around here all of a sudden, and I'm worried that Josie is gonna go off and have this new, amazing life and forget all about me.

♪ Hoping tomorrow... ♪

Can I come in and hang out?

Read some comic books or something?

You're, like, the last normal thing around here.

- ♪ Is better than today... ♪

- (SIGHS)

This-this is gonna be kind of hard.

♪ Not easy sleeping ♪

♪ When I lay down in bed ♪

♪ 'Cause I got all these worries running... ♪

No.

Not that I... I don't like hanging out with you.

It's just...

this is our pattern.

You ignore me, and then when you run out of people, you show up looking for a shoulder to lean on.

♪ Times get tough, but I... ♪

I don't want that to be our dynamic anymore.

- ♪ I know I'm not alone... ♪

- (SIGHS)

If you keep... searching for someone to...

fill this void, you end up putting your happiness in other people's hands.

But... our happiness, it's our own job.

♪ So let's keep searching for somewhere ♪

♪ We're gonna find a way ♪

You're right.

♪ To make tomorrow... ♪

You know, 'cause we're both feeling vulnerable, and if I had come in and hung out, we might have made some sort of stupid mistake, like have sex or something, so this is good.

I mean, we're making the mature choice.

♪ Better than today... ♪

Thanks, MG.

(AWKWARD CHUCKLE)

Uh...

♪ Better than today... ♪

Yeah, uh, yeah, mm-hmm.

(AWKWARD CHUCKLE)

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ Better than today. ♪

To whom it may concern.

My name is Landon Kirby, and if you found this note, you're the only person in the universe who knows I'm alive.

I've been trapped in an alternate dimension for what feels like forever, and I have no idea how to get out.

I'm a normal human without magic or powers, or an ingenious plan.

My girlfriend Hope was always the one I could count on for those.

So unless she figures out some way to save me, there's a pretty good chance I'm never getting home.

But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying.

Somewhere in this prison world is a way back, and I'm not waiting around for someone else to find me.

I will get myself home, no matter what it takes.

(WIND WHOOSHING)