Spring Break (1983)

[bunniefuu]

Well, you gotta get away, gotta go and play Gotta find a day that's full of nothing but sun Cruising down the street, moving to the b*at Everyone you meet is having nothing but fun Leave it all behind you Feel those palm trees blow The folks up north can't find you They're outside shoveling snow The time to move but don't be slow On your mark, get ready to go Lovin' with the Lauderdale ladies Playin' in the Lauderdale sun

Lovin' with the Lauderdale ladies And you won't be going home till you find...

Nelson, wherever you look... skin skin skin.

Spring break in Fort Lauderdale.

250,000 kids here for the sole purpose of partying.

Lookin' for the best, better than the rest Put her to the test and see that she's number one...

Hi. Special kind of smile Special kind of style, it's gonna be a while Before you know how it's done Always on the run when you're lovin'

With the Lauderdale ladies Playing in the Lauderdale sun

Lovin'

With the Lauderdale ladies And you won't be going home till you find the one...

So this is it? Ahh, nothing but the best, buddy!

Whoo!

Humma humma humma! Easy, big fella. Easy.

Ohh!

Come on, guys! Nice, huh?

Yeah.

So I'm...

So where'd you hear about this place anyway, Guinness Book of World Records?

"Hotel most resembling a refugee camp."

Excuse me, pardon me.

Sorry. He he!

All right, who's next? Hey!

Lovin' with the Lauderdale ladies And you won't be going home Till you find the one. Do you have a reservation?

About what?

I mean yes. I mean I do.

Uh, Stern. Stern? Okay.

Stern, uh, yes. Right.

Here you go.

Do you want to sign in? Why not?

I think he'd like to sign up.

Well, there's nothing wrong with having a good time.

Bing bing! Bing bing!

That's Eesh. Ask him. Hi there.

Hi.

Holy sh...

Viola!

Gentlemen, home!

I think somebody's using this room.

Oh, no no! Don't worry about it.

No! This... this is lickety-split.

See?

Very clean.

Over here? No problem. Two seconds... one, two, three.

Good like brand new!

Bingo, huh?

Look... sanitized for your protection.

And over here, please.

Over here... see? The wonderful view!

Oh, this.

Well.

Nice!

So?

Now you tip.

Oh.

All I have is a five. No problem.

Anything you need, you call Eesh. Anything you want, you call Eesh.

You get in troubles... they work themselves out.

Enjoy!

Okay.

Well, I'm gonna go down to the pool, get a beer and a hard-on.

First we take off our shoes.

Do you want help with your laces?

I'm... I'm sorry. I just still feel... funny.

Nelson, relax.

You're not funny.

So what if you took off? So what if your stepfather's mad that you took off?

Nelson, you gotta stop letting this guy push you around so much.

You weren't even there when he decided you're supposed to work during spring break.

You had no choice!

Nelson, he was gonna make you stay there at home in the snow, where every kit's covered up by a shirt and two sweaters.

We're talking cruel and unusual punishment here just to work on his g*dd*mn campaign.

Campaign? It's not even off the ground yet.

sh*t.

Nelson, we're college students.

College students don't work during spring break. It's unnatural.

We're supposed to go f*cking crazy.

College students are supposed to go f*cking crazy during spring break because after college is over, they're never expected to ever again.

This is your chance. Don't blow it.

If you don't go crazy down here, then you are crazy!

All right, all right, all right!

Oh, buddy buddy buddy, this is gonna be great!

Come here! Hurry up, will ya?

Hey, man, do you mind? I've been sweating my ass off since Gainesville.

Go ahead.

Beer is like... f*cking great, you know?

Welcome to Florida.

Whoa! Stand up and cheer.

Aww, sheesh.

Isn't your air conditioning working right?

It's you that's not working right, Eddie.

I can see why my brother d*ed young.

What I can't see is why he married you in the first place.

Why did he?

I'm busy. What do you want?

Guess what? I still got a hot buyer for this dump.

You can turn around and march your ass out of here.

I'm not selling this hotel.

You sure? Heh heh heh!

You may not have to sell.

Maybe it'll just be taken away from you.

Will you get out of here?

I was talking to Philly Kaufman down at the bank today.

I bet you didn't know that Philly Kaufman and I are old poker buddies, did you?

Well, Philly says you're way behind in your mortgage payments.

I'm always behind before spring break and I'm always paid up when it's over.

Well, God forbid something should happen to close you down before you could pay it up. Will you get out of here?

My sister-in-law Geri Potmore; my friend Mr. Ames.

Pleasure. Charmed.

Another poker buddy? Close enough.

I thought Ames would take an interest in going over the place.

He takes a professional interest. He's got a professional right.

He belongs to the Unsafe Buildings Commission.

My ID.

Okay. Go inspect.

Heh heh heh. Thanks, Ger.

What an assh*le. Really.

Oh, sorry. Why?

You hit the nail right on the head.

What can I do for you fellas? Nothing too tough though, okay?

Nah, we have reservations.

Oh, hi.

Suitcase. Catch you later.

Hey hey! Pleasure.

Excuse me, excuse me. Pardon me.

Popular room. Too popular.

It's a nice one, huh?

Swell.

Yeah, hi, this is room 21. Oh yeah, right... Stern.

No, see, we got a problem. This is Stu Molinera and you gave the room to me. But Stern's in there.

That's the problem. Just a sec. Let me check.

I really need this.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I've got a lot on my mind.

I don't know what to say. Every room in town is booked.

So what are you gonna do? Send up some extra towels?

I can't f*cking believe this.

Yo, OT! Everything settled?

I haven't even sat my ass down yet and bang! A hassle.

That's bullshit. This is my vacation.

Isn't it funny how well hassles travel?

You know what my vacation was last year?

Working one job instead of three.

I mean, I've been saving money for two years to come down here.

You know what it's like saving money in New York?

It's like making it with your sister... it's just not done.

Whoa, is that one hot sun out there.

So what's the story?

The story is we got "el shafto grande."

We have nowhere to go.

f*ck it. Man, what do you mean, "f*ck it"?

We're here.

You're right.

When you're right you're right, and you are right, brother.

Wait a minute. I think it's great that you guys are so right, but what are you talking about? Stayin'.

I know, but where? Here.

What? What are we supposed to do?

Sleep in the f*cking car?

I mean, come on. What are you gonna do, throw us out?

You won't even know we're here.

Don't worry about us. You guys go swim, get laid, whatever. Now wait a minute.

Stu. OT.

I'm Nelson. This is Adam.

No, thanks. we already paid for this room.

Why is that a problem? Really. That's a big help.

Oh, come on!

Listen, let's just play it by ear, okay?

Okay, OT? Ready.

See you guys later. Have fun.

All right then, Mr. Dalby will see you tomorrow at...

Take care of it. Yes, sir.

God damn it. It's all I need is a cold.

Ernest, you're not getting a cold. Calm down.

I find it very disturbing that one lousy night can be so damned important.

It's a testimonial for you, not a court martial.

Don't be too sure. You have no idea how fast so-called friends can turn on you.

One little slip up and they go from following you to chasing you.

I have to be perfect. That's not very realistic.

Politics has nothing to do with being realistic.

I tell you, one juicy rumor and forget it.

You could put every penny you had into my campaign and it wouldn't help.

Nearly every penny is in it already.

Can you spare me the commentary?

All I am saying is that this dinner is either going to make or break my political career.

Nothing can go wrong... not one thing.

Yes?

Mmm. It's DiFozio.

What is it, Nick?

What?

He's gone? Nelson's gone!

He's supposed to be organizing the canvassers, putting out the mailing lists, doing at least six other things.

God damn it, he'll cr*pple me.

What? No no! Don't call the police.

That's the last thing I need, God damn it.

No, just... just... Never mind, Nick. Never mind.

I'll take care of it myself.

You see? Didn't I always say Nelson was irresponsible?

Well, now he has finally proven it.

Maybe he's doing some sort of research.

Whoo! This is great.

Go go go go go go!

All the way from the Big Apple, OT Blastin!

It's O as in "out there" and T as in "totally."

Hey, OT!

That's my roommate!

Let's hear it for OT Blastin from New York where nothing's normal!

OT! OT! All right!

Now that concludes the semi-finals of today's competition.

And in just a couple of minutes we'll move on to the finals.

All right? Now don't forget that The Candy Store is the home of a special drink.

It's called The Spring Break Screamer.

One part vodka, two parts rum, three parts gin...

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Two beers, please!

Oh, I'm sorry.

f*ckin' assh*le! Ahh!

I'm gonna kick your ass, fug-face!

It was an accident. It was. Excuse me.

Sir? What?

I don't think he's that much of a fug-face.

That's my roommate.

You wanna leave him alone? All right?

You too, sh*t for brains!

Get out of the f*ckin'...

Thank you. He hurt you?

No no, I'm fine. Thank you.

Uh, I don't think Nelson would have been too much fun with his head torn off.

Really? Head torn off.

Okay, everybody, it's time for the finals!

Come on. The final round of competition here at The Candy Store... the belly-flop contest.

Let's go. Look what I found over here.

All right, here's our first finalist.

Let's hear it for Mr. Universe!

Mr. Universe!

He's a real crowd-pleaser. Isn't he, ladies and gentlemen?

What a guy.

Jump! Go! Come on.

Go!

All right, that's Mr. Universe!

What's he train on, antifreeze?

Wait a minute, you guys. Here you go, here you go.

Give 'em hell, buddy.

All right, here we go! Our next contestant making his final jump of the day, from the University of Massachusetts, crazy gut guy!

Crazy gut guy!

Ahhhh!

That man makes a big splash, ladies and gentlemen.

Let's hear it for crazy gut guy!

He's gonna be tough to b*at.

Oh sh*t.

Go go go go go!

Okay, man, go for it. Blow 'em away.

OT Blastin! We can't keep score.

A belly-flop record!

OT Blastin from New York!

Beers! Beers, everybody! Beers!

Go go go go go go!

I live in the city And I love the lights Ooh, we're from the city We're going out tonight My girl's so pretty She's out of sight Ooh, we're from the city We're getting down tonight.

Come on, buddy. Come on, come on.

Wait, Stu. Take it easy, man.

Just a bunch of guys getting in the car No matter who's driving up or how far Feels so good, feels so alive Know that the driver stays, I don't drive Me and the boys

Just me and the boys

Me and the boys...

Hey, how many miles to the gallon do you get?

Hey hey!

Me and my buds just like to go We're having fun, everybody knows We don't fuss and we never grab We just dig taking in the sights Me and the boys...

Just me and the boys...

Me and the boys...

Sure.

Yo, OT? What?

OT, come here.

Hi. Hi.

Beer?

Well, all right. Come on, let's go party.

Mm-hmm. Come on.

Yo, Nelson.

We got the car.

Just a bunch of guys getting in the car No matter who's driving up or how far Feels so good, feels so alive Know that the driver stays, I don't drive...

This is great! Let's go find a saloon!

I've never seen so many people in all my life!

They're all over the place. And they're all having fun!

More fun than I've ever had.

Got no sex issues, know what I mean? This is great.

What? Hi! How are you? Oh boy!

Me and my buds just like to go We have fun, everybody knows We don't fuss and we never grab We just groove taking in the sights Me and the boys

Just me and the boys... Want a ride somewhere?

Should we give her a ride? Go back.

Me and the boys. Give her a ride!

She likes me! I'm sure of it!

I keep wondering what Stu said to those girls.

Oh, probably something like...

"Nice night, isn't it?

Be nicer if you spent it with us."

He probably made it sound good too.

Sure. Stu is what you call professionally cool.

Yeah, really.

Hey, that last bar was pretty good.

I think that girl in the white pants liked you.

What was her name, Serena?

Yeah, she was drunk.

I thought you were buying her the drinks.

Those guys sure know how to have a good time.

We're doing all right. What do you want?

sh*t.

No. Come on.

There they are! Want us to tuck you in?

It's too bright in here.

Whoa!

I'm sorry. Here.

This plant's leaking on me.

Ohh.

Oh, just a minute.

Wait. I'll be right back.

Hey, how you doin'?

I'm okay.

Did you see those chicks? They're like... whoa, you know?

Jeez.

Hey, um...

Well, do you think you could get out of the bed?

You know what I mean? It's just... you know...

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah?

Of course. Sure. Thanks.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

I don't believe this.

Okay.

I can't stand it.

Don't listen.

Jesus.

This is making me crazy.

Where are you going?

Jesus Christ.

Nelson, those are "Playboy" tits.

I've never seen "Playboy" tits anywhere except "Playboy."

Come on, man, where's your manners?

Sorry.

What?

I'm just figuring out what you're trying to shave off here.

Stu, how come you always talk like that?

Like what?

You always move your head when you say something.

What the hell are you talking...

Get the hell outta here, will you, please?

So you guys know where you're gonna go?

No, not really.

Well, Nelson and I talked about this.

I don't know how you guys feel, but... we were thinking maybe you'd like to stay here.

Are you serious? Really?

No, not really, but... Yeah!

All right, all right!

Hey, I feel like I should kiss you. Anybody got a ring?

You can kiss that, man. There it is! Hup hup hup!

May, get in here.

What in the... what is he doing?

Look at this. Look!

Well, it's Nelson. Well, of course it's Nelson.

That's why I showed it to you. What's he doing?

He is k*lling me.

Doing this in Fort Lauderdale? I mean, think who's going to see this.

Imagine what they're going to think of me.

It's not a very good picture of him.

Well, it's good enough. Get the boat ready.

We're going up there. Today?

Now. He is running around making an ass of himself and me, and it's got to be stopped. I mean, this is the kind of thing that can blow a political campaign right out of the water!

Forget it. I'm not doing it. No, Nelson.

Eesh said this guy will only deal with one of us.

It's your money. Do it. Okay.

What if it was your money? Get out of here.

It's only gonna take a couple minutes, Nelson.

Man, what's your problem? Too much caffeine?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Buenos dias.

Uh, por favor.

You must excuse my tardiness.

I had to k*ll a man.

No problem.

Eesh sent you, huh?

What is it you want? Um... well, see, my friends and I were sort of wondering where we could find some p... stuff, you know, to sort of have around, right?

And Eesh said that maybe you... You want pot, huh?

Isn't that it? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

Amigo, if there is something going on, you will go home in the trunks of 10 different cars.

No no. No, nothing's wrong. Mmm. No.

Ahem.

So is good, huh? Mmm!

Mmm, yeah.

250! Dollars?

You think is too much?

No no, that's not... no.

No, that's fine.

Here's some paper.

Matches.

Here you go.

No no no no! Please, no.

Es bueno, huh?

Uh, muy.

100!

100 watts? That's very good. No, $100.

15 watts. Ahh.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Something else?

No, that ought to do it. Have a nice day.

You too.

Hey, buddy.

Look at...

Oh my God.

Hey, you got any left for me?

Later.

Winter is my enemy The beach is where I'd rather be Lots of sand and lots of swimming One long beach just filled with women Let's hit the beach Let's hit the beach Let's hit the beach Let's hit the beach

Take the beach by sneak att*ck Grab the women, drag 'em back t*rture prisoners till they talk Plenty of babes, the old boardwalk Let's hit the beach Let's hit the beach Let's hit the beach Let's hit the beach Let's hit the beach beach beach Let's hit the beach beach beach Let's hit the beach beach beach Let's hit the beach beach beach Let's hit the beach.

Hi, Mr. Dalby. Hi!

Welcome welcome! How are you?

You look like a million bucks.

Or maybe I should say a million votes.

Oh, thank you. You remember Thomas and Lloyd?

Yeah, sure.

But they aren't used to the heat down here, are they?

Could we get on to the business at hand?

Um, you gotta believe me when I tell you that I've done everything I can with my sister-in-law.

But when it gets to that hotel, she's as tough to move as a concrete mattress.

Potmore... But I got a guy who can do the job.

His name's Ames. The only trouble is he's gonna cost us five grand.

But he says... Would you please listen to me?

Yeah. The business at hand is not the hotel, it's my stepson.

There's nothing wrong with him? There's plenty wrong with him.

He's in Fort Lauderdale. I want him found.

No sooner said than done.

Potmore?

Do you know what he looks like?

Jesus.

Here.

Ahh. Good-looking boy. Hmm.

Find him and you'll have your $5,000.

And Potmore?

Not a word to my wife.

Let's get some beer.

Beer! Can we have four beers?

Make it eight... eight beers.

Ladies and gentlemen, party!

Yeah!

Everybody's got an ambition Doin' things that they want to do Trying every kind of position Hoping that their dream will come true Open up your eyes and see I'm not disguised What I want to say to you I want to do it, do it I want to do it to you I want to do it, do it I want to do it to you You don't need your ma's permission You're thinking about a rendezvous I see that I arouse your suspicion And you're wondering if it's gonna come true It's really not surprising, your temperature is rising Listen while I give you a clue I want to do it, do it I want to do it to you I want to do it Do it I want to do it to you

Do it, do it, do it, do it I want to do it to you

Do it, do it, do it, do it I want to do it to you

Do it, do it, do it, do it I want to do it to you

Do it, do it Do it, do it I want to do it to you

I want to do it Do it I want to do it to you I want to do it Do it I want to do it to you

I want to do it Do it I want to do it to you

I want to do it Do it I want to do it to you I want to do it Do it I want to do it to you.

I feel great. You're supposed to!

Not this great. He's loaded. He's loaded.

I'm drunker than you are.

I'm so wasted. You look it.

Hey hey, I found something to drink!

Ahhh!

Get him, get him get him!

Stop it, stop it, stop it! No no no!

Stop it, stop it!

What? Hey!

What happened to him? Where you runnin'?

What happened?

He's here.

Your stepfather?

Yeah, my stepfather.

Oh, sh*t. His stepfather.

That's his boat down there in the water.

Well, where's it supposed to be, in valet parking?

Stu, you don't understand.

His stepfather's an assh*le. Why? My father's an assh*le.

We're talking king of the assholes here.

This is a drag.

sh*t. Does your stepfather know you're down here?

I don't know. So why the rabbit routine?

You're bringing everybody down. I'm sorry.

It's cool. There's only one way we can get it going again.

What's that?

Drink!

Has anyone ever d*ed of a hangover?

I can't move my eyes.

It was those last four or five beers.

Ahhh.

I'm... I'm going upstairs.

You really feel that bad?

No, I'm okay. I just have to throw up for a while.

Operator.

Um, hi... Uh... Hello?

Ernest Dalby, please.

Hello?

Hello!

Who is this? It's Nelson.

Don't you dare hang up!

Wha... I called you.

What in the hell have you been doing?

I know you're in Fort Lauderdale and so am I.

Now you get your fanny down to the marina pronto. Do you hear me?

Nelson! Nelson, do you hear me?

Nelson, are you listening?

Nelson! God, Nels...

It's a wonderful day, let the music play You keep wishing that it's never gonna end...

Look out!

Playing by the sea, all the people you meet Thinkin' how it's good to have friends Taking a leave is the only thing to do Things are just as fine as they can be Everybody's insane and they're feeling no pain...

Ahhh!

Can you handle everything you see?

And we're singing songs of love We're wishing on the stars above It's happening every single day As long as it's good we'll take it any old way It's a wonderful day, let the music play Here's to wishing that it's never gonna end Playing by the sea, all the people you meet Thinking how it's good to have friends

And we're singing The songs of love, we're wishing On the stars above And laughing every single day So long as it's good, we'll take it any old way It's a wonderful day, let the music play Here's to wishing that it's never gonna end Playing by the sea, all the people you meet Thinking how it's good to have friends Look at that dude working on a scheme Looking for the one he thinks is best Taking it easy, just a little bit sleazy Knowing that you're different from the rest And we're singing songs of love We're wishing on the stars above It's happening every single day So long as it's good we'll take it any old way It's a wonderful day, let the music play Here's to wishing that it's never gonna end Playing by the sea...

One.

You guys want a chili dog?

Thinking how it's good to have friends.

Don't wipe your nose on it!

Jeez.

The Button, home of the annual Fort Lauderdale!

Whoo! Spring games!

Hey, you guys ready for some serious competition or what?

Whooo!

The lady from Pennsylvania is going wild!

The lady from Pennsylvania is doing a job on Kid Austin.

It's hard to believe that this lady is so quick!

Now Kid Austin is holding her with his right hand.

She hits him in the jaw and hits him down!

And the referee goes down too. She's on top of him!

The people are going crazy! One, two...

He's counting them out.

One of the referees is down too. Five, six...

Ladies and gentlemen, it's amazing.

It looks like Lucy from Pennsylvania has done a fantastic job!

Oh my God!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have awarded three points to the winning team... Pennsylvania!

Pennsylvania!

This is the most incredible decision that has ever taken place in our championship ring!

Hey, you want to go for a ride on the back of my hog?

What's wrong? Don't you like to go fast?

Or are you the kind that likes to go slow?

Get lost, hmm? What's wrong?

I'll do you great, sweet cheeks.

Get lost.

I'm not...

Hey.

Hey, man, don't you have someplace to be?

You f*ckin'...

Ahhh! Ohhh!

Come on, let's hear some cheers!

Excuse me, have you seen this kid anywhere?

I see people all day long. l...

Okay, man, you sure? You seen anybody? l...

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the one and only world-famous Button wet-T-shirt extravaganza!

And here come the ladies from Pennsylvania!

And their opponents this evening are from Ohio!

Oh, I gotta see this. I gotta see this.

Well, it was Saturday night and I was feeling all right...

Ahhh!

Hi, cutie. What? Are you talking to me?

Yeah. Don't you think you're sexy?

Oh my God!

All the time!

What you doing later? Ah, hopefully something with you.

Sounds good. Stay right there.

I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here.

Wet 'em down, boys! Wet 'em down!

Ahhhh!

We now have wet T-shirts.

And who's going to be the first lady to win this evening?

Which lady is going to help win it...

Wait, over here. Over here!

Ladies and gentlemen, they're going crazy.

Excuse me, lady!

I've always heard good things about Ohio!

Aha! They'll all take it off!

Let's hear it for the amazing ladies.

They're doing a fantastic job this evening.

Let's hear it for them! What an amazing job from these ladies.

They're taking it off! They're taking it off!

Let's hear it for these ladies. They're doing an amazing job!

Let's hear it for 'em!

They're gonna go all the way!

And some of the young ladies in the audience are getting into it!

Ooh!

They're going out. Everything is off!

Ladies and gentlemen, they're leaving nothing to chance.

This is the kind of competitive spirit that has made America great. This is what it's all about!

Pee! Come on! Go!

Hi.

Shh!

Temperamental machine.

Ahh! Too much thruster.

Yeah.

You know, I saw you the other day.

You were at...

Use the shield more. Like this?

Yeah, a little. Yeah.

Look out. There's a pulsar. Where?

In the zone. What do you mean?

The photon blast. I don't see it.

Don't hyper... here.

God, you're really good.

Actually, I'm better than that. I just... you know.

Oop, that pointy thing. Gamma dart.

It's one of my more useful skills.

You wanna play doubles? Sure.

Okay.

Guys, don't you worry, because coming up is the wet he-shirt open!

And ladies, I do mean open!

Let's sign up. Are you crazy? What do we gotta do?

Who the f*ck cares? Go go go!

Innkeeper! Two beers.

Thank you.

Here we go, ladies. Wet 'em down!

Hey, I'm Carla. I'm Diane.

Hi, I'm wet.

Ahhh!

Oh my God!

Is everybody ready? Then let's do it.

'Cause you're horny all day and you stay up all night...

Ladies and gentlemen, the boys are getting wild and wooly at The Button! They're rocking and rolling.

The girls are measuring for the competition!

The ladies are all gonna go crazy!

And what's this? A player's down.

He's going down. It's the great American rip off!

You're all the witnesses. It's a rip off, ladies and gentlemen.

That's my roommate.

Which one? The tall one.

What's his name? He's from Brooklyn.

His name's Brooklyn?

No. Look at him.

These men are smoking. They're steaming.

Women in their presence can't contain themselves any longer.

Oh my God. He's ripping his shirt on back.

This is one cocky competitor.

And it looks like he's going to bring up reinforcements.

Go go go! Go, Brooklyn!

Hey, come on, man! You got nothing to lose.

Show 'em that famous Molinera muscle!

Here he goes! It's all coming off!

Oh, f*ck the picture. You wanna go inside or not?

Two bucks. Let's go. Give me the money.

Thank you. Inside.

Hi. Nice to see you.

Now comes the one and only banana-eating extravaganza!

Do we have any contestants?

Yo, OT. Come on, big man.

Go go go go go!

Go go go go!

This is gonna be great. This is already great.

There are no points to score in the banana-eating extravaganza.

The reason is people know who's scoring.

The rules are simple because there are none.

All these couples have to do is eat these bananas as erotically and as outrageously as possible.

So go for it!

Yeah yeah, hang on. Wait here, okay? Don't move.

I won't move.

Dude, you know that girl that I saw before? She's back here.

She asked me if I'd go home with her.

Go have a good time! Get out of here.

How are we gonna find anybody in here?

I don't know.

Give me a break!

Look at this! A bodice pipe.

A double whammy with the sliding sit-downs.

Take the button off. What?

Take the button off.

Are you all set? Yeah.

Look at this! These two have only tongue in between 'em!

And here is a one-handed car boost!

Ladies and gentlemen, they have gone absolutely crazy.

They're going nuts. And everybody wants a piece of the action.

It's all happening during spring break right here in Fort Lauderdale.

Come on, let's scream. Come on!

Let's scream louder!

Louder!

Good evening.

Maybe I should give him a call, I don't know.

Oh, sh*t.

Well... good night.

Aren't you coming in?

Sure.

Come on.

Don't mind my mess.

You okay?

Yeah yeah.

I wish you weren't leaving tomorrow.

It's a whole night away.

What's wrong?

I'm, uh, thirsty.

How about a Coke?

Sure, great.

You get me one too?

Go on, hurry up.

Okay.

I never knew... Hey.

You got a Coke machine? Yeah, right over there.

Thanks.

When I'd be saying to you Don't let this good love slip away Now that we know that it's true Don't... don't you know the kind of man I am?

No, said I'd never fall in love again But it's real and the feeling comes shining through I'm so caught up in you Little girl And I never did suspect a thing So caught up in you Little girl... Um...

That I never want to get myself free And baby, it's true you're the one Who caught me, baby, you taught me How good it could be

It took so long to change my mind I thought that love was a game I played around enough to find No two are ever the same You made me realize the love I'd missed So hot, love I couldn't quite resist When it's right, the light just comes shining through I'm so caught up in you...

It's me. Little girl You're the one that... Well, come right in.

I'm so caught up in you, little girl That I never want to get myself free And baby, it's true you're the one Who caught me, baby, you taught me how could it could be...

Down?

Look, I just don't know her name or room number, that's all.

Come on, guy.

Hey, listen, you know that really pretty girl I came in with?

Who was she?

She's waiting for me!

Whenever you want me...

Thank you. Thank... thanks a lot.

Nice. Nice guy.

When you should turn and walk away Oh no... Where are you?

I can't live without you...

Where are you? I'm so caught up in you.

No wonder it looks like you slept in a Cuisinart.

Thank you.

So what happened to you?

Ahh, Carla and Diane.

I think I'm gonna start writing my memoirs.

Oh, yeah, what was was it like?

Which time?

How'd you even know what to do?

They told me! They said, "Slide your hand under here.

Arch your back a little more."

Ahh, they were very patient.

They kept it up all night.

I still don't know where my underpants are.

Why? What happened to 'em?

I think they ate 'em.

I made a decision. What?

I'm leaving.

What?

That's stupid. Where are you gonna go?

I don't know. Home probably.

I mean, I can't have any fun down here with my stepfather chasing me all over the place.

I got a sister in Hoboken.

Your stepfather would never find you there.

Adam, I'm not an animal.

My mind's made up and nothing's gonna change it.

You don't have to quote me on that or anything.

From the University of Connecticut, let's hear it for Tammy!

You can't leave, man. Your stepfather's not going to find you.

That was just luck yesterday. That's what I told him.

You're gonna drive yourself apeshit worrying about it.

I said exactly the same thing.

You gotta go on with it. You know what I mean? Right, OT?

f*ck 'im. I said that too.

Let me see if I got this:

I gotta stay cool, gotta go with it and I gotta f*ck 'im.

You got it, pal.

Really.

Number 10, must be a friend of Brenda's...

What?

That's her.

That's her on the stage. Which one?

Which one do you think it is?

Let's see who's gonna win this contest.

What we're gonna do now is allow the girls to walk around the pool.

Hey, yo! Let's hear it for Kim.

Hey! Hey, it's me! Hey! What's your name?

Let's hear it for all the beautiful ladies up here!

How about Kim from the University of Alabama? Come on!

What's your name?

Come on, let's hear it for 'em! Make some noise.

Hey, it's me! What's your name?

Number two, from Ohio State, Susie!

All right! How about Susie? Come on.

Hey, Susie! Susie! Susie!

Excuse me. Hey!

Hi. Hi.

Look! Hey, guys, this is her!

Right here! Hey, buddy! Yay!

What happened to you? I got lost.

It's okay. I got lost. I didn't know your name.

What's yours? It's Nelson.

Nelson. I thought you left.

I was going to but I wanted to see you.

Really? Yes.

We're having a party at the Breeze n' Seas Motel tonight. Can you make it?

I'd love to. But promise me one thing.

What? You won't get thirsty.

Sure.

The man of the hour!

Hey!

Did you see her? Yeah, she's beautiful.

Yeah, I know. She stayed to see me.

I found him!

I said I would. Where is he?

Now Mr. Dalby, with all due respect, I don't want to tell you that just yet.

I want to just make sure that our little deal is still on.

You know what I mean? The bribe money.

Of course I know. I'm not an idiot.

You'll get your money when I get my stepson.

Right. Listen, you mind if I borrow your two boys?

They might come in handy.

Besides, I think it would be a good idea if they see how I work. All right, all right.

I bet you think I'm pretty amazing, huh?

Hey, baby, looking for some action Come on, get some satisfaction Anyplace is all right Anything you plan Any way we want to So come on, go with me and we can Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Have some fun tonight Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Make you feel all right Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Have some fun tonight Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho...

Hi. Hi.

Make you feel all right

Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Have some fun tonight Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Make you feel all right When we wake tomorrow If you think you can We can start all over So come on and come with me and we can Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Have some fun tonight Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Make you feel all right Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Have some fun tonight Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Make you feel all right Whoa ho ho ho ho ho ho Have some fun tonight.

Hey, who are those turkeys with your brother-in-law?

I don't know, but I'll lay you odds they're not Boy Scouts.

Um, those are the guys... the ones that work for my stepfather.

What are they doing with that creep? Let's go ask 'em.

sh*t. We can deal with this.

Wow. Eesh.

Don't make waves Gotta be cool, junior Stay away...

What's the rush, Eddie? I was just looking for a friend.

You're gonna be looking for a long time.

Come on, come on.

Here! Go go go go! Fast!

Gentlemen, you can't leave now.

Have you heard of a boom-boom cocktail with rum, vodka, fruit and juices?

You haven't tried it? You have to try it before you go.

It's our claim to fame!

Haa!

Come on!

Son of a bitch! Son of a...

Son of a bitch!

Oh, I just love the ocean.

Nelson, come on. Sit down.

You'll feel better.

Hey, what's the matter?

Nothing. Um...

I just wanted this to be perfect.

And I'm sorry all this happened.

Hey, it's not your fault.

You couldn't help it.

Um...

I got... could you wait here? I'll be right back.

Really, um...

Where are you going? Right... just over... hang on.

Waah!

Hey, whoa.

Susie!

Susie!

Susie! Susie!

Oh, Nelson!

Nelson.

Here he is in all his glory.

The honor student! The future lawyer!

The candidate's son! Stepson.

Don't you talk back to me, you little wimp.

You could have ruined me.

You didn't even know that the testimonial was here and not in Miami, did you? No.

Dad, l... Shut up!

To think that it has come down to the complete and outright disregard for everything that I stand for.

I was just trying to have some fun.

Fun?

Fun!

Reeling around like a drunken cretin, chasing after every teenybopper in sight, indulging every whim... you call that fun?

Yes.

I will not have you running around in public acting like a fool and dressing like a hermaphrodite.

You are a shame and a disgrace.

Your mother is sick to death about this.

Where is she? Out shopping.

Look, Dad... I don't want to hear it.

Why not?

From the way you're acting, you'd think I was k*lling baby seals or...

Nelson!

Look, nothing is wrong with this.

Nobody's having a bad time. I mean, nobody's gotten hurt.

I'm having about the best time I've had in my whole life.

Just let me go back to the hotel, all right? Please?

You're staying right here.

There's nothing to go back to anyway. Believe me.

What's that supposed to mean? Never mind.

You are trying to buy the hotel, aren't you?

Yes.

And if a circus college went up in its place, it would be a big improvement. I've heard the stories.

You can't do that.

Hey!

Real fair. Real fair. Two against one, right?

I'm wearing a towel!

You'd better control yourself, young man.

It's being done for me, thank you.

Why don't you really throw out the welcome mat and just lock me up?

I've just got this funny feeling.

All you got is funny feelings, Adam.

Let me see your tongue. Will you guys get serious?

He should have called in by now.

Hey, with that chick in that car with that backseat, we may never see him again.

Really, man, I don't see any reason to get so crazy about it...

Oh Adam! What happened?

Where's Nelson? They took him.

Who? The guys from last night?

They just shoved him in the car and drove away. It was terrible.

Okay, now can I worry? You guys think you know everything.

That's him!

You fat jerk! Hey, wait!

Hey hey hey hey! Back back back!

Hey, we want to talk to you!

You again?

What's the matter? You want some more?

All right, take it easy. What's this, the color guard?

Mr. Ames has something here that he'd like to read to you.

Take it away, Mr. Ames.

"In violation of its safety code, the Unsafe Buildings Commission hereby orders the Breeze n' Seas Motel closed until further notice, effective immediately."

What crock is this of?

You can appeal.

She can get a hearing in, what? Say six to eight weeks?

Perhaps.

You know damn well if you close me down now, I'll have to sell the place.

Yes, I know. I know.

Uh, may I? Oh, all right.

"All guests are instructed to remove their personal effects and vacate the premises as of sunset."

Dated today. Get him out of here!

Son of a bitch got me.

No, it's not over yet.

That's bullshit. No way this is over.

This is gonna change our plans this evening.

Really?

You see anything? No.

Why does OT have a Kn*fe in his mouth?

Does he really expect trouble?

Nah, he always wanted to swim with one. He saw it once on television.

"...your consideration, and yes, your trust. I will not disappoint you.

Thank you all."

Nelson?

Nice to see you too. Sorry.

What was that? Probably just a fish jumping.

Hyah!

Go for it, Nelson!

What was that? More fish.

Ahhh!

Go go go!

Come on, get up there!

Ahhh! Nelson, you come back here!

Ahhh!

Oh, go go go go go!

Nelson, come back here!

Ernest! Ernest, what's going on?

Never mind! I'll tell you later!

Never mind "never mind." You tell me now.

Susie walked into the room, you'd think she was the only one there...

Ooh!

When she walked into the world and dropped the drinks in the dirt And they'd stare, but who cares...

Go go go go go!

Susie used to go out...

'Cause Susie dated all the guys They'd go for her, she only had to choose Or you lose Here comes trouble, here comes trouble Susie means trouble Oh yeah Oh yeah, oh yeah Here comes trouble Here comes trouble Here comes trouble Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Holy sh*t.

Ahhh!

Get them!

What in hell is this?

Let them go... now.

God damn it, did you hear me?

Untie them.

Or I'll see to it that the police throw you all in jail and that you rot there for a week. No!

Nelson.

Get out of my way. No.

You are asking for very big trouble.

Now step aside. Damn it, I said no.

I'm through stepping aside for you.

And that goes for getting pushed aside, held back and screwed over too.

You have gone too far this time.

No, I think it's you that's gone too far.

Mr. Ames?

Where'd you say you got that $5,000 from?

Eddie Potmore. Mmm!

And where did he get it?

F-from Mr. Dalby.

And what did you say it was?

A bribe to close the motel. That's a lie!

Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm!

Is that a lie? No.

No no no.

I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce you.

These are my friends, the witnesses. Hi.

Well, I guess you'd better go call the police now.

And tell 'em we'd like to talk to 'em too, okay?

Ernest, is this true?

Nelson, let's be reasonable.

Oh my God.

Does anybody want to be reasonable? No.

Nelson, for God's sake!

If this ever gets out...

Well, okay.

If you agree to keep the hotel open and guarantee that it'll stay open with Geri as the owner, I guess we don't have to talk about any bribe.

It's a deal.

I want to talk to you.

It's finally time now I've been waiting all year...

You plotted. You bribed people.

You kept my only son a prisoner.

You are nothing but a sneaky disgusting liar, and I have had it. I'm taking back every cent I put into your campaign.

Stop talking nonsense. There are 300 guests and a six-piece console waiting for us across town.

And we are damned well going... together.

No! What?

You go alone. And get used to it, because not only am I leaving you with nothing, I am leaving you, period. Fine! Fine!

Have your little tantrum. I don't need you.

I don't need anybody to reach the Senate.

My real friends are waiting. To hell with all of you.

Hey, what are you doing? Don't get me wet!

You're ruining my jacket. Please.

Stop, damn it. Oh!

Thanks for sticking up for me, fellas.

No problem!

Get out of the car, please, sir. Yes, Officer.

Let's see your license and registration, sir.

All right here. You must understand, I am on my way to a very important political dinner.

License please, sir. Right there.

Yes. Sir, have you been drinking?

Drinking? No no no. It was poured all over me.

Sheriff, pour him into the backseat.

I am already very late, as I've stated.

I think I should... I think I should warn you, the mayor is a very close friend of mine.

He always speaks well of you, sir.

What are you doing? Where are you taking me?

Damn it, do you know who I am? No, sir, I've got it right here.

Oh sh*t! You have a real way with words, sir.

Lovin' with the Lauderdale ladies Playin' in the Lauderdale sun Lovin' with the Lauderdale ladies...

Oh! For the garden.

And you won't be going home till you find the one...

Bye.

Well, everybody... here.

Ashtrays. Thank you.

They steal them anyway.

Oh.

Oh, here's your car.

Hey.

They miss you.

Jeez.

Lovin' with the Lauderdale ladies...

Will you move already? Come on.

All right, get over there. I've got this great idea.

Okay, I know how tough it is for you guys, but please try to act like you're having some fun.

Just a second!

Whoo hoo hoo hoo Whoo hoo hoo hoo Whoo hoo hoo hoo Well, I work so hard From September to December But that was so long ago I hardly remember Now I need the old crazy sun Better than ever Now I know hard ways but Still things'll get better Well Do you think I need a break?

I need a spring break It's how I still believe it's what I really need I need a spring break It's been so long since I've been gone And I can't go on till I get down To the action, honey Into the sand Well, it's last stop, honey And I got a plan Well, do you think I need a break? I need a spring break And I still believe that's what I really need I need a spring break I'm longing to find Lots of fun in the sun, oh Spend my life having fun fun fun I need a spring break

Give me a break

Ooh, I need a break

Yeah I'm longing to find Lots of fun in the sun, oh Spend my life having fun fun fun fun fun fun fun I need a spring break Oh, give me a break I need a break, I need a spring break I need a break Give me a break I need a spring break Give me a break I need a break I need a spring break

Give me a break

Whoo, I need a break

Yeah I'm longing to find Lots of fun in the sun, oh Spend my life having fun fun fun fun fun fun I need a spring break Oh, give me a break I need a break, I need a spring break I need a break, Give me a break I need a spring break Give me a break I need a break It's time for spring break It's time for spring break It's time for spring break, spring break It's time for spring break, spring break Spring break, spring break, spring break, spring break Spring break, whoo It's time for spring break.