Luck of the Irish, The (2001)

St. Patrick's Day Movie Collection.

Moderator: Maskath3

Watch on Amazon   Merchandise   Collectables

St. Patrick's Day Movie Collection.
Post Reply

Luck of the Irish, The (2001)

Post by bunniefuu »

KYLE: Everyone in the world is different from everyone else.

That's easy to see. Just look.

But everyone is lucky enough to have one thing in common, one thing that binds everyone together...

(NATIVE AMERICAN MUSIC PLAYING)

Everyone has a heritage, a family history, traditions handed down from grandparents and great-grandparents.

Our next performer is Kyle Johnson.

Kyle?

Hey, I'm down here!

Kyle?

(WHISPERING) Kyle?

KYLE: But what if I'm not that lucky?

What if I'm the only person who doesn't have a heritage?

What if I'm different?

I said I'm down here!

Can't you see me?

Kyle?

(SCREAMS)

-KATE: Kyle? -(GASPS)

It's time to get ready for the game.

Go, Eagles!

I must have zoned out.

I had this weird dream about this heritage thing that's going on at school.

Pre-game anxiety. Everybody get's it.

I used to dream I was at the game wearing nothing but my underwear, and I was just in the band.

You'll do fine, Kyle. You always do.

Here, have some yogurt and a fruit bar. It will help you keep your energy up.

That sounds good. I might have some of that myself.

Where's our family from, Dad?

-We're from right here, son. -No, where do we come from?

You know, what's our heritage?

We moved here from Cleveland.

We're Americans, Kyle. That's all the heritage we need.

BOB: Hey, come on, Kyle, you're gonna be late for the game!

-Let's go. -Don't forget to wear your lucky coin.

KYLE: I had this really weird feeling, like there was something they weren't telling me.

This was the first time our school had ever made it to the state basketball playoffs.

Get over, Russell! Find your sh*t.

KYLE: Tonight was the quarter-finals.

We were going all the way this year. State champions.

(GROANING)

And I was the reason why.

Yeah!

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Everything was going my way.

I was one lucky guy.

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

-Dude, that was a lucky sh*t. -Hey, luck's got nothing to do with it.

You're looking good, Kyle.

I taught him everything he knows.

(CROWD CHEERING)

-Hey, Kyle. -Hi, Bonnie.

You know I'm in charge of the Heritage Day committee.

You're in charge of, like, every committee.

I mean, somebody's gotta do it.

I'm putting together the program and wanted to know what you're gonna do for Heritage Day.

I don't know. I mean, you know, this whole Heritage Day thing, it's like so public television.

-It's your history. -Yeah, but I mean, history...

You know, it's like so 10 minutes ago.

Now, sports. That's what's happenin' now. That's where I'm comin' from.

That's right.

Well, even if you are some kind of mindless jock, you still got a heritage.

-Mindless? -America is a nation of immigrants, Kyle.

Everybody's ancestors came from another country.

Yeah. I'm part Cherokee.

So where's your family from? Is Johnson an English name?

Or did they change it from Johansson or something?

-Uh, we're from Cleveland. -Ha-ha. Very funny.

-Now, come on, you know what I mean. -(BELL RINGING)

Look, uh, I've got a test, okay? See you guys later.

Ugh. Jocks.

(BELL RINGS)

TEACHER: Time's up, people! Put your test papers on my desk on your way out, please.

Thank you.

You'd be better off leaving 'em blank, Kyle.

Remember, I subtract points for wrong answers.

-Summer school. -(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I do it specifically to discourage what you just did.

Guessing at the answers.

You know, in real life, you can't depend on luck to make up for not knowing.

These answers are all correct.

-This looks great. -Thanks.

So, is this like Italian food or something?

It's something I saw in Eat Smart magazine.

-Why? -Oh, I just thought, you know, maybe it was, like, an old family recipe.

You're lucky your mom makes you such healthy meals, Kyle.

It's probably why you're such a good athlete.

Kyle just has a natural talent for sports.

KYLE: Yeah, it's probably genetic. I mean, I bet, if you go back far enough, we've had great athletes in our family for generations.

You know, great soccer players, maybe?

Or, uh, cross-country skiers?

Or...

Bullfighters?

You better eat your salad. You don't want the oil to separate.

-Uh, yeah, Dad. -Yeah.

Um, I was talking with the girl in charge of the Heritage Day committee...

KATE: Is it Bonnie Lopez? She's always in charge of everything.

-I know! -(BOTH LAUGHING)

Yeah. Anyways, she says that everyone's family comes from somewhere else.

I mean, if you go back far enough we couldn't have always lived in Cleveland.

Unless we're Indians.

But we're not Indians, are we?

I don't think so.

Okay, then, what are we? Where do we come from?

I think your great-grandfather moved there from Mount Buffalo.

No, Dad. I mean, before that. Before we came to America.

Why are you so interested in your family all of a sudden?

I don't know. I mean, with Heritage Day coming up, I don't want to be the only kid who doesn't know what he is.

You're Kyle Johnson.

You're a good student, a good boy, a great athlete.

Just because some people are obsessed with where their ancestors came from, -doesn't mean you have to be, too. -Mom, I'm not obsessed.

Being an individual is what America's all about, Kyle.

Doesn't matter where you're from. You can be anything you want to be.

KATE: Fresh ground pepper?

KYLE: There it was again. The feeling that they were hiding something from me.

At school the next day, I tried to find out what it was.

If you're looking for sports trivia, try gofindalife.com.

Actually, I'm looking for information on my family. You know, my heritage.

(CHUCKLES)

KYLE: Man, there sure are a lot of people named "Johnson."

Yeah, four million pages.

Maybe you should narrow that search down a little.

Uh, why don't you start with your father, and trace your family back that way?

-I tried, but I couldn't find him. -Did you look in Cleveland?

(SIGHS)

-Here, move over, let me try. -You don't have to help me.

I'm head of the Heritage Day committee, remember?

It's my job to help the heritage-impaired.

It's not important to me anyway.

I mean, so what if I'm from Germany, or England, or whatever?

-It doesn't mean anything to me. -Then why were you on the computer?

Okay, what about your mother's family?

-Where are they from? -I don't know.

Well, half of your heritage comes from her, you know.

Well, yeah, but, I never really thought about my mom's family.

Well, what was her last name before she got married?

Don't tell me, you don't even know your mother's maiden name!

How are you ever gonna get a credit card?

Look, if you really want to find out about your family heritage, you might try talking to your parents. They are your family.

(SIGHS)

I couldn't tell Bonnie that I thought my mom and dad were hiding something from me.

That day after school, it got weirder.

The first weird thing was my dad's old high school yearbook.

He wasn't in it.

At least, Bob Johnson wasn't in it.

Robert Smith?

-Bob Smith? -KATE: Kyle?

Oh. Hi, Mom.

-What are you doing? -Nothing.

Um...

-I'm gonna go sh**t some hoops. -Okay. Don't be late for supper.

I'm making stir-fry.

Why would he change his name from Smith to Johnson?

I mean, if you're gonna change your name, at least change it to something interesting.

Or, you know what? Maybe he didn't pick it.

Maybe it was the FBI or something, like they gave him a new identity.

No, man. You gotta be like a hit man or something before they'll let you do that.

No.

Man, how do you make those sh*ts?

You know what?

Maybe they were, like, these big radicals in the '60s, you know?

And they had to go underground?

Yeah, or you know what? Maybe they're really aliens, and they got stranded on Earth, when their spaceship crashed.

(GRUNTS)

You just touched the rim!

Yeah, I did. (CHUCKLES)

My dad measures me every week to see if I'm getting taller.

Then he measures my vertical jump.

Man, if I could touch the rim... Man, you sure are lucky.

What does luck have to do with how high you can jump?

You're the luckiest guy in school, Kyle, everybody knows it.

You know what, I think it's because of that lucky charm.

-Maybe it really works. -What, this?

Nah, this is just something my mom gave me when I was a baby.

Hey, check it out! Somebody lost 10 bucks!

Luck and a half, man. You're always finding money lying in the street.

Hey, we're a team, all right? I'll split it with you.

Cool.

Hey, man. Check it out.

Hey, you know what? I saw that guy on TV once.

No, no, no. The thing behind him. It's the same as my coin.

I thought it was, like, Chinese or something.

Hey, you know what? I think this guy's Irish.

Maybe my mom's Irish.

(KIDS SCREAM)

MAN: Top o' the morning to you.

Top o' the morning to you.

Top o' the morning to you. Hi.

(LAUGHS)

Yo, the feet are the b*mb, but what's with the arms?

It's something called step dancing.

MAN: Step right up! Win a shamrock!

Come on, three balls!

Now, why wouldn't your mother want you to know if she was Irish?

I don't know. I just get this really weird feeling whenever I talk to her.

It's like they don't want me to know anything about my heritage.

I didn't know you really cared about heritage stuff.

Well, I don't. I mean, I didn't, anyway.

Now I feel like I'm missing something.

Yeah.

Top o' the morning to you. Oh, sweetie, top o' the morning to you.

(SCREAMS)

-Ha, maybe I should read this. -Look.

They have these good luck thingies like yours.

Those are just, you know, fake. Mine's real gold.

(IN IRISH ACCENT) You can always tell the real thing.

Yeah, I guess so.

Did you make those yourself, or is it your ma still does it for you, and you half-grown?

-You mean, my shoes? -They're called basketball shoes, Sir.

Yeah, you buy them at a store.

At the store, is it? Oh!

KYLE: Yeah. Ow!

And what'll become of your feet when the road becomes hard and stony?

Oh, look at this, boyo.

Good Irish leather.

Soft as a spring shower and tough as a landlord's heart.

Hey! You can't put your feet up there.

Get the boys a bag of spuds.

Hey, how did you...

RUSSELL: Where'd he go?

(CROWD CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, Seamus McTiernan, Saint of the Step!

If you hail from the shores of the Emerald Isle, or wish you did, if the blood in your veins is as green as a shamrock and your heart's full of blarney, then the Saint of the Step loves you.

If you believe in the little people, and you know that there's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow, then you belong to the Saint of the Step.

(IRISH DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Man, is this bogus or what?

Kyle? Kyle?

Kyle, what are you doing?

I don't know. I can't help it!

(GRUNTS)

(CROWD CHEERING AND WHOOPING)

Sorry, kid.

(CHUCKLES)

Top o' the morning to you.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

Aah! (GROANING)

(MOM SINGS)

(IN IRISH ACCENT) Ah, top o' the morning to you.

Did you do something to your hair, Mom?

I just thought I'd try a more natural look.

Now, sit yourself down, and I'll put your breakfast on the table.

-Is that bacon I smell? -It is.

And I've a pair of hen's eggs frying for each of you.

Bacon and eggs? Isn't that a little heavy on the cholesterol?

KATE: It's time you put some meat on your bones.

-Now, sit down, the two of you. -Does Mom sound...

I mean, does Mom sound a wee bit...

I just said "a wee bit."

Yeah.

KATE: I've been thinking about what you said, Kyle, about your heritage, and there's something I have to tell you.

Uh, Kate, are you sure this is the right time?

Oh, it's no use trying to hide it, Bobby.

It's about my family, Kyle.

-Kate, why don't we just go out... -We're Irish.

Why didn't you guys tell me about this before now?

Oh, I wanted to protect you, Kyle, from the way it was when the Irish first came to America.

From the jokes and the dirty jobs nobody else would take, and the signs in the shop windows saying, "No Irish need apply."

I wanted you to be 100% American.

Mom, that Irish immigrant stuff was like over 100 years ago, wasn't it?

I remember, when I was a little boy, my mother used to make bacon and eggs every morning for breakfast, and we'd have white bread, toasted, with a lot of margarine on it and then...

Hen's eggs and a rasher of bacon.

Potato cakes, bangers, and a black-and-white pudding.

-What's black-and-white pudding? -Blood sausage and pork sausage.

And I've packed crubeens and colcannon for your lunch.

It's really weird, you know?

At first, it's like she's trying to hide where her family's from, and now she's cooking all this Irish food, and she's even talking funny.

Okay, so what about your dad changing his name?

It really doesn't seem like it's such a big deal now, you know?

I mean, at least I know I got a heritage, you know?

At least I know I'm...

-Hey! Some green. -Every day!

KYLE: Yep!

I guess it must be the luck of the Irish.

That was the beginning of the unluckiest day of my life.

I lost my homework. It must have fallen...

(LAUGHTER)

Hey, looking good.

What's up, Kyle? Did you eat already?

I lost my lunch.

Yeah, and on your pants, too. That's nasty.

Well, I was gonna, you know, buy my lunch, but I lost my money.

You want some chips? They're Emerald Isle.

Look, that's never happened to me, Russell, all right?

I can't remember losing anything ever in my whole life.

Look, it is just bad luck. It happens to everybody.

Hey, Kyle, you want my dessert? Chocolate makes me break out.

Yeah.

Well, so much for bad luck.

MAN: Into the hoop! Yeah, that's the way!

-Hey, Kyle can touch the rim. -No way, man.

Yeah, way, man, I saw him do it. Come on Hey, Kyle! Show 'em how you can touch the rim.

Yeah, Come on, Kyle!

BOY: Show 'em how to do it, Kyle.

RUSSELL: Okay. Come on. Do it!

(LAUGHTER)

Get a ladder, man, you can't even get the net.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

COACH: All right, let's line up, guys.

Tonight is the semi-final of the state tournament.

You win tonight, you make history.

The first time this school has ever had a basketball team make it to the championship game.

(ALL CHEER)

All right, all right, listen up. There's no running on game days.

To make sure everybody stays sharp, I want everyone to make 10 foul sh*ts before you go home.

That's make 'em, not take 'em. Russell, start us off.

ALL: Come on. Let's go.

Any day now.

Look, you're trying too hard, Russ.

Just relax. Let it drop. (EXHALES)

End of the line, Kyle.

Let's keep it moving. Let's keep it moving.

Ha! That's 10. Give me five more.

-So, how many you have left? -Ten.

You haven't made any yet?

Man, I've never seen you go ice-cold like this.

Yeah, That's because I've never been ice-cold.

You want me to hang till you make your sh*ts?

(SIGHS) Nah, man, It's cool.

-I'll catch up with you at the game. -Sure.

(SIGHS)

I think you need a little more arc in that sh*t.

I just lost my temper for a second.

I don't want to perpetuate a stereotype, but they say the Irish are a little hotheaded.

-How did you know I was Irish? -Russell told me.

So, what are you gonna do for Heritage Day?

I saw some Irish dancing over the weekend. Maybe I could do that.

You're gonna learn to step dance between now and Heritage Day?

(SCOFFS) It didn't look that hard.

Well, everything's easy for you, isn't it?

What's wrong with you? Are you mad about something?

I've known you a long time, Kyle.

You're a nice guy and all that, but you'd be a better person if everything hadn't always been so easy for you.

Look at basketball, the last game.

You guys were out-played, but you won because you got lucky.

The state championship isn't supposed to be something you just luck into.

Look, just because you know everything does not mean you know anything about basketball.

Lucky sh*t.

That wasn't luck. That was practice. You know, hard work?

What do you mean, practice? You don't even play basketball.

It was the perfect ending for the worst day of my life.

Too bad it wasn't over yet.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Boo!

(BOOING)

-Come on! Get him outta the game! -(GRUNTING)

(IN IRISH ACCENT) You can do it, boyo!

Come on, Kyle!

(CHEERLEADERS CHANTING)

Way to go, Drake!

No!

I'm open! I'm open!

(GRUNTING)

Take him out, Coach!

Aw, man!

(CROWD BOOING)

KYLE: It was like I never played before.

It was awful. I couldn't even make a sh*t.

And half the time, I missed the rim completely.

I just...

-BOB: Everyone has an off night, Kyle. -I never did before.

The important thing is your team won. You're going to the finals!

Yeah, thanks to Drake!

He played a great game, especially after Coach took me out.

(IN IRISH ACCENT) You don't need to be playing basketball.

You should be hurling!

Mom, I'm not sick, I just played lousy.

(SIGHS)

Are you sure you're feeling all right?

I might drink a bit of a warm bonnyclabber before I go to bed.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

(IN IRISH ACCENT) Do you smell something, Da? I mean, Dad.

BOB: It smells like something's burning.

Ah, boys. There's nothing like a peat fire to put the taste of Eire in your breakfast.

(COUGHS)

(COUGHING)

(COUGHS)

My dad says if we don't win tonight, he's gonna adopt the other team.

Hey, you look shorter. I think maybe I'm having a growth-spurt.

No, I'm just, uh, packing on a little weight.

My mom's on this Irish kick.

We had spuds again... I mean, potatoes.

Hey, maybe that's why they blocked so many of my sh*ts last night.

-I wasn't getting enough vertical jump. -You were moving okay. Like you always do.

So, you think everybody's gonna be ticked at me 'cause I played so lousy?

Look, they're not gonna turn on you over one game.

Besides, we're still going to the Finals.

Yeah.

-Just so pathetic. -Loser.

You loser.

-Nice. -Way to choke, Johnson.

BOY: Hey, watch me touch the rim!

Hey, looking good, girls.

Oh, look, there's Drake. Hi, Drake. Great game.

Drake's so hot!

Well, he did play a great game.

-Hey, Kyle. I just wanna... -I gotta go to class.

Sorry.

(BELL RINGING)

Can anyone tell me what a magnet is? Holly!

A piece of iron that attracts another piece of iron.

Good, but a magnet doesn't just attract iron.

Man, one bad game, and I feel like I'm nobody.

Kyle, since you feel like talking, why don't you tell us what three kinds of metal are attracted by a magnet?

Uh, iron and...

Anyone? Russell?

-Iron, cobalt and nickel. -Very good.

Iron, cobalt and nickel.

Now, take your magnet and one of the metal objects in front of you.

If that object is attracted to the magnet, then it must contain either iron, cobalt or nickel.

(CLANKS)

I thought you said that was solid gold.

-It is. -Magnets don't lie, man.

No, no. This is different.

This isn't my lucky coin.

Look, I've got to call my mom, all right?

I bet that coin was like a family heirloom or something.

That's probably why she wanted me to wear it.

No, that's probably why you had such a bad game last night.

Somebody must have stolen it.

Oh, for the love of Mike!

-Kyle! Kyle, I need to talk to you. -Look, I'm a little busy right now.

-He lost his lucky charm. -What?

It's a gold coin. It's probably, like, 100 years old.

-Got it. -That's just a quarter.

-Does he look shorter to you? -No. He just bulked up.

There's something wrong with this stupid phone.

Look, Kyle, I have to go. I'm going on a field trip with the Young Achievers, And I just wanted to say, I hope nothing I said yesterday threw you off your game.

-You know, about you being lazy. -Lazy? You never said I was lazy!

I mean, all that other stuff about everything being too easy for you, about not deserving to win the state championship.

Whoa! Check out that hair! Man, my dad won't let me dye mine.

He got this thing about Dennis Rodman.

Tonight's the state championship, man.

If you cut school without an excuse, the coach might not let you play.

An excuse?

Okay, first I find out I've been robbed, now my hair's turning red...

Hey, I used to be taller than you.

(IN IRISH ACCENT) Saints preserve us! I am getting shorter!

Mom, Dad, there's something wrong...

There's something your mother and I need to tell you, son.

I'm a leprechaun, Kyle.

Huh?

Mom?

I know it's hard to believe, Kyle. I mean, when I first met your mother...

-You're not a leprechaun, too? -No. No. I'm from Cleveland.

We'd have told you sooner, Kyle, but we wanted you to grow up like a normal American boy.

But then when I started to have this wee little spell...

-Mom, you're a foot tall. -Oh, it could be worse, believe me.

It's probably just an allergic reaction.

Boiled potatoes, something like that.

I don't think you have any reason to worry.

What?

Me? You mean, I'm a leprechaun, too?

And what else would you be?

And you, with the blood of the Clan O'Reilly rushin' about in your veins.

Doesn't mean you can't lead a perfectly normal life, Kyle.

-Normal? Normal? -Yes.

Dad, look at my hair. And I'm getting shorter.

You don't look short to me.

-How does it look, Da? -Maybe an inch... Or two.

Two inches? Dad, you said this was like an allergic reaction or something.

(SIGHS)

-How long does it take to wear off? -Well...

Actually, it's never happened before.

(FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING)

According to your mother, as long as the O'Reillys have their luck, every member of the clan can pass as a normal human.

Ordinary size, all of that.

Of course, I'm not really sure how it all works.

Well, okay, okay. Well, maybe that's the trouble with Mom.

-I mean, maybe we're just out of luck. -No. No. That can't be the problem.

Well, how do you know?

Your lucky coin. That's the luck of the clan O'Reilly.

(FLUTE CONTINUES PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

Mom. Mom. I lost my lucky coin.

What's this about losing your coin, when it's hangin' about your very neck?

Look. It's not mine. It's fake.

Somebody must have switched it with the real one.

(WHISPERING) The dirty thief!

It's nothin' but a bit of iron and gold paint on it.

-Are you saying somebody stole your coin? -I bet it was this really weird old guy me and Russell talked to at The Luck of the Irish, You know, that Seamus McTiernan dancing thing?

Yeah, I bet he was like a pickpocket or something.

Wasn't that show at the fairgrounds?

You know you're not supposed to go there without asking us.

Look, Dad. I just wanted to learn about my heritage.

KATE: You can't blame him, Bobby, and we not telling him the truth.

Now, what's this about an old man? Gray in the hair, was he?

Yeah, I mean, he started walking up to us and talking about his shoes.

Said he made them himself.

Was it a snake he had on the sole of his shoe?

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

The miserable old sinner to play such a trick! And you his own grandson!

-He was my grandfather? -BOB: Your grandfather O'Reilly.

KATE: And may his name be cursed for a liar.

Oh, I'll not let him get away with it, If I have to pry the coin out of his thieving fingers myself.

And he me own Da.

I knew we should've moved as soon as they built that new potato chip factory.

We were bound to run into him sometime.

-You mean Emerald Isle's? -Yes. It's he that owns the whole company, and still can't stew oatmeal without burning it.

Come along, boys.

And we'll shame him with what he's done!

Uh...

(GRUNTING)

Honey, I think maybe I should drive.

Yeah.

(KATE GRUNTING)

Kate, I think you should wait in the car. You might attract attention.

That's how it was when we first came to this country, hmm?

People looking down on ya 'cause you're a bit different.

Um, Mom, am I gonna get as small as you are?

Ah, you're only half-leprechaun, Kyle.

It'll be days before you're down to this size.

Plenty of time for me to make you some wee little ghillies for your feet.

Don't worry, Kyle. We'll get your coin back.

(IN IRISH ACCENT) He says he's married to Mr. O'Reilly's daughter.

Right.

(SIGHS)

(IN IRISH ACCENT) The tour group is here.

Son, relax. Just listen to me, everything is gonna be fine.

If my grandda is right... I mean, Granddad...

Why don't I ever get to see him?

Because I'm not... Because I'm not a leprechaun, and they don't believe in mixed marriages. That's why we had to leave Cleveland.

We even changed our names, so Kate's family couldn't find us.

Well, if you and Mom, love each other, why should it matter?

Well, sometimes leprechauns can be small-minded.

Come on.

Right, sir. I'll handle it.

Mr. O'Reilly says he doesn't have a daughter and for you to go away and not to be bothering him again.

I'm not leaving here until I see Mr. O'Reilly.

(BOTH SCREAM)

Are you okay, Da?

All right, Kyle. We're not giving up.

Just gonna talk a little strategy with your mother, that's all.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

WOMAN: Oh, look at them. You look so nice.

On behalf of our president and founder, Mr. Reilly O'Reilly, I'd like to say welcome to Emerald Isle.

Uh, if you follow me, we'll begin the tour.

Please stay with the group at all times. Some of the machinery can be dangerous.

Now, the potato chip was invented in the late 1800s when a cook accidentally sliced some potatoes too thin and discovered they turned crisp when he fried them.

As you can see, we've come a long way since then.

Are there any questions so far?

-Yes? -Will we get to meet Mr. O'Reilly?

Oh, no! Mr. O'Reilly is far too busy to be seeing us today.

Where's his office?

It's in another part of the building.

Now, if you'll follow me, we'll first see how the potatoes are washed.

-What are you doing here? -Shh. Come on.

You're not a Young Achiever.

-I have to talk to Mr. O'Reilly. -Why?

Remember how I told you my coin was stolen?

Well, I think he's the one that took it.

He's like a millionaire. Why would he steal your coin?

Because he's my grandfather.

Why would your grandfather steal your coin?

Do you have to know everything?

He and my mom don't really get along, and I guess he did it to get back at her.

I think we have intruders.

(ALARM BLARING)

Come on!

Come on!

Why is your grandfather mad at your mother?

-Because she married my father. -Why doesn't he like your father?

-Because he's not a leprechaun. -What?

-We've got 'em! -Come on!

(PANTING)

-Get in! -Go!

(BONNIE SCREAMS)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING) Let go!

(YELLS)

Kyle!

(SCREAMING)

Better not take this one, boys. I think it's my grandson.

(GROANS)

I thought I was baked!

A good boy like you has got nothing to fear from the oven.

BONNIE: (YELLS) Kyle!

Kyle, are you all right?

Yeah. At least I found my grandda.

Oh. Oh, Kyle.

What?

Oh, no! I'm turning into a Vulcan! Oh!

-Sidney. -Mr. O'Reilly.

You'll feel better after having a lie down in me office.

Better yet, make yourself a pair of shoes. It's good for the soul.

When you make your own shoes, you're the master of your feet.

KYLE: I don't wanna make a pair of shoes, and I don't wanna be a leprechaun.

Oh, there's no use railing against what you are, boyo.

If green's just not your color, then why don't you put your coin back on?

Or has your ma not told you, it's the coin that lets you pass for human?

Look. I don't have my coin, all right? You do.

You took my real coin and switched it with this fake one so I wouldn't know about it.

I did no such thing, boyo.

And I'll not have you blacken my name by saying I did. Huh!

I'll wager it's your ma who took it to turn you against me.

It's a traitor she is, and to her own people.

My mom doesn't have the coin.

She's changing faster than I am. She's this tall!

Really?

Is it truly stolen?

Fine. None of your ma's tricks. Oh, no. No. No. It can't be.

Why, without our luck, the O'Reilly clan would start to...

Am I lookin' a bit green?

(SIGHS)

And my trousers could use a roll.

Why aren't you getting short as fast as my mom did?

It's not easy for an old man to change.

What does Kyle's lucky coin have to do with everybody turning into a leprechaun?

It's not Kyle's luck. It's the luck of the clan O'Reilly.

It's all that's held us together for 1,000 years and more.

A thousand years of invasion and oppression, being forced from the land.

A thousand years of stony fields and famine, saying goodbye forever as you get on a boat for a distant shore.

Now, when we've finally made it, here in America and are just about to have all our luck, you've lost it!

Well, why did I have to wear it, huh? Why not you or Mom?

You're the youngest member of the clan O'Reilly and it's always the young that have all the luck.

(SCOFFS)

I might as well go lie down in the gutter.

It's nothing but bankruptcy and ruin for the O'Reillys now that our clan is out of luck.

Hey, luck isn't everything. I mean, it wasn't luck that built this factory.

Oh, a lot you know. And I might still be a short-order chef if it had not been for a bit of luck one day when I sliced the spuds too thin.

Are you saying you invented the potato chip?

That was over 100 years ago.

This is all my fault.

I mean, everything was going great until I started trying to find out what I was.

Now I've got red hair and pointy ears.

I wish I never would've found out anything.

I wish I didn't have a heritage.

-There must be something you could do. -(IRISH FLUTE PLAYING)

If your coin was stolen, you can go to the police.

Oh, yeah, and tell them I'm a leprechaun, and I've lost my luck? Yeah, right!

Do you have to do that?

Of course I do. I'm Irish. That's how I manifest despair.

Kyle!

No, no, no! I'm not Irish. I'm an American!

Maybe I wasn't the only person that got robbed at that Luck of the Irish thing.

Maybe they already caught the guy who did it.

I'm sure we can talk to Seamus McTiernan.

What? That paddywhacker?

That stage Irishman with his neon shamrocks and his heart-full-of-blarney rubbish?

Why didn't you tell me it was at his show you lost your coin?

I'd have known it was him that stole our luck.

-I didn't say it was him. -And who else would it be?

And him a fear daraig. As plain as I'm standing here.

BOTH: A what?

Kate! Kate! I can't find him anywhere. I don't know where he is.

-KYLE: Da! -Kyle!

I know who took my coin. It was Seamus McTiernan.

Granddad says he's like a fear daraig leprechaun.

-He says they're all thieves and liars. -Oh, really?

No, O'Reilly. Reilly O'Reilly.

And you must be Bobby.

-Yeah. -KATE: Don't believe a word he says, Kyle.

It's he that took it to spite me.

(GROANING)

And it'd only be giving you what you deserve, Kathleen O'Reilly, for daring to marry outside the Little People.

But I swear on my mother's grave, it wasn't me that...

-(THUD) -(GRUNTS)

KYLE: Ma!

Don't waste your sympathy on him, Kyle.

Swearing on his ma's grave and she's still livin' in Sligo, and healthy as a horse!

You are a fine one to be callin' me a liar.

And did you not tell me when you first met Bobby that he hailed from the shores of Erie?

And you knowin' me ears aren't what they used to be, and I'd never guess you meant some lake in Ohio.

You guys, that stuff's all in the past. Can't you just forget about it?


-Forget the past? -Yes.

The important thing is what's happening now, today.

All right, we've got to get our luck back before it's too late.

Well, maybe it's too late to be objectin' to a marriage and your boy all grown up now, like a man.

(SIGHS)

Well, I'll not be apologizing for marrying Bob, but I am sorry for the trouble it caused ya.

Let bygones be bygones?

There's no time for formalities, boyo.

Seamus McTiernan is making off with our luck.

-Come on. Let's after the thief. -All right.

-Bonnie look, I gotta go. -I'm going with you.

Well, what about the Young Achievers?

They're supposed to be about seizing opportunities.

How often do you get an opportunity where you can help a clan of leprechauns get their luck back?

(ENGINE SPLUTTERS)

Besides I only joined the Young Achievers because my parents made me.

I really wanted to play basketball.

But they said the Achievers would look better on a college application.

(ENGINE STRUGGLING)

I guess it's my car we'll be taking.

Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

So, Grandda, am I going to grow a beard like that?

Oh, not for a good many years, I'm glad to say.

Kyle? Hey? Hey, Kyle?

I wasn't sure if it...

Whoa! Check out those ears. Are those real?

Are they getting worse?

Oh!

You okay? What's going on?

I think we've got enough people in the car already.

Hey. It's that guy. But with a beard.

That's my grandda.

Kyle, it's not our way to be telling the whole world all about us.

Would ya stop your jabberin' and drive the car?

Can you not see that the road is clear?

-Mrs. Johnson? -Hello, Russell.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

You wait here. I'm gonna check this out.

Be careful, Da.

Bobby. Bobby.

If you get into any trouble with Seamus, try making a bet with him.

The fear daraig all go wild for gambling.

Thanks.

MAN: Yeah, let's get this thing set up.

(SCREAMS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SCREAMS)

-They're getting away! -Don't let him... (GRUNTS)

Don't let him get away!

I saw it! There's a whole bunch of gold coins in there! Come on!

(TIRES SCREECH)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(KATE SCREAMS)

Oh, you better hang on! (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

(SEAMUS LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

BOB: Keep your head... What are you trying to do?

Reilly, you're gonna get us k*lled!

Why don't you give me some of that corned beef and cabbage there, Patrick?

I'm always happy to share a meal with a fellow leprechaun.

May the road rise up to meet ya, and may it be a slippery one.

KYLE: Watch out!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(CAR HORN HONKING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Quick! Get the spare! They're gettin' away!

I don't have a spare, Kyle.

-What? -With all the good luck I've always had, I never thought I'd be needing one.

(SIGHS)

Well, I've worked up quite an appetite.

That was the last of the corned beef, sir.

(BAGPIPE PLAYING)

Please, pl... (SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

You better get home. You've got a big game tonight.

But, what about you?

You're the reason that we made it to the State Finals.

I can't play looking like this.

I never could play anyway, not really.

I was only good because I was lucky.

Basketball isn't everything, Kyle. I should know.

Well, I can't play baseball or football either.

I meant sports isn't everything.

Look, I liked who I was, all right?

And that's who I wanna be.

We should've told you a long time ago. I'm sorry, Kyle. That was our mistake.

It's okay, Da... Dad.

-Things could be worse, Kyle. -Yeah? How?

Hey, give me a hand with this, Bobby.

I think it's stuck.

(ELECTRIC MOTOR STRAINING)

Come on.

It's no use, Grandda. It's just our luck.

It's almost enough to make you homesick for Ireland.

If you had sense enough not to drive without a spare tire!

Or, if you hadn't married me daughter, none of this would've happened.

That has nothing...

It doesn't do any good trying to blame each other.

I know this is miserable, but...

Please don't say it could get worse. It might.

I was just gonna say that everybody has bad luck, but you can make it better if you just keep trying.

I mean, when the Irish came to America, things were tough.

And they had to work at jobs other people wouldn't take, and they didn't get paid what they deserved.

Well, at least they got paid.

BONNIE: The important thing is they didn't give up.

They kept trying till things got better and that's what makes them special, not where they are now, but the spirit that kept them going on the way there.

-She's a Young Achiever. -I'm an American.

That's what we all are, and Americans don't give up.

-(KYLE SIGHS) -Maybe I can walk down to the gas station, and I'll get a patch to fix that tire.

I'm gonna get that top up on if it kills me.

-All right. -Hey, we can get the tire off.

-I'll check the trunk for tools. -KYLE: Okay.

I'll be going with you, Bobby, and not left waitin' in the car.

I better go, too. I have to go call the Young Achievers.

If I get in trouble for leaving the field trip, my dad will give me his

"You're not gonna get into med school" speech.

Well, thanks for helping out, Bonnie. I mean, you being here.

Kinda makes me think I haven't lost all my luck.

Do you mean that?

Or is it just blarney?

BONNIE: Hey, wait up, Mr. Johnson.

What?

Do you still think we can get our luck back, Grandda?

I don't want to be lyin' to ya, boyo. It'd take a miracle to catch Seamus now.

-Well, at least it stopped raining. -Hey, look. There's a rainbow.

Hey, maybe there's a pot of gold at the end of it.

(LAUGHS)

Come on, boys!

-Where are we going? -I don't know!

Where are we going?

To the end of the rainbow!

What?

-(PANTING) -Hey, you okay, Grandda?

You can't get to the end of a rainbow.

Well, I could, if I was only 200 years younger.

No, the rainbow's just the sunlight refracted in the clouds. There's no end.

You some kind of scientist?

I'd like to be one someday.

Yes, well, I'm a leprechaun, so don't tell me about rainbows.

Hey, look over there!

Come on!

(CELTIC MUSIC PLAYS)

(ALL SINGING FOLK SONG)

While goin' the road to sweet athy Hurroo, hurroo While goin' the road to sweet athy Hurroo, hurroo While goin' the road to sweet athy Slainte.

They must've stopped to celebrate or something.

I'll give 'em somethin' to celebrate.

You boys wait here. I'll slip in and get our luck back.

I'll get it.

Your ma would never forgive me if I was to allow you to go into a place like that.

Look, it's my responsibility.

Keep your eyes peeled.

(SINGING)

Hurroo, hurroo While goin' the road to sweet athy Hurroo, hurroo While goin' the road

(WHISPERING) Hey, there it is.

It's locked.

-How did you do that? -It's a leprechaun thing.

-Ah, it's our luck. -That it is, Kyle boy. Our lucky day.

This is my coin. I can tell. It's like this weird feeling.

You can never tell about feelings, you know.

So why don't we just take the whole lot of it to be certain?

Come on. Give me a hand with the pot, boy.

What? Whoa. Grandda, you can't take it all. It's not ours.

What? You think that dirty thief deserves it?

And he surely stole it from poor leprechauns like ourselves.

Well, we don't know that for sure.

And if he did steal it, we should tell the police.

Are you daft, boy? Calling in the peelers, when all this gold's just lying there for the taking?

-You mean stealing. -I mean seizing the opportunity.

In Dublin's fair city Where the girls are so pretty I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone As she wheeled her wheelbarrow Through streets wide and narrow Crying cockles and mussels Alive, alive-o Alive, alive-o Alive, alive-o Crying cockles and mussels Alive, alive-o

The streets aren't paved with gold, Kyle.

You have to take it where you can find it.

If you'd struggled as I did when I first came to this country...

We didn't come to America to steal.

We came here to work hard, get ahead and make something of ourselves.

"We" now, is it?

Sure an' it's worth a pot of gold to hear you count yourself among the Little People.

Even such a big, lovely pot as this.

(SIGHING)

(BOTH YELL)

Run, Kyle! Run! Run! Run!

Run away!

O'Reilly!

(SCREAMS)

Grandpa?

Grandpa?

Ha! I've got him by the beard, boyo!

And no leprechaun can get away from that.

Kyle!

And you'll not be gettin' away either.

Now give me that lucky coin, and maybe I'll let the old man go.

-Don't trust him Kyle. He's a fear daraig. -Quiet!

Fear daraig... I'll make a bet with you.

A wager, is it? What exactly did you have in mind?

I bet that I can b*at you.

b*at me what? Video games, is it?

-TV trivia? -Sports.

If I b*at you at sports, you let my granddad go and I get to keep my lucky coin.

But if you don't b*at me, then the coin is mine.

And no more of this chasin' after me.

-Okay. -Well, you've got yourself a wager.

Hey, what's going on, Kyle?

Where are we, and what are we wearing?

It's hurling, Kyle!

Grandda?

-Watch out for the sliotar! -The what?

The sliotar!

Man, what are we doing here?

Sports.

(GRUNTING)

ALL: Wow!

(LAUGHS)

(GROANING)

(MEN CHEER)

KYLE: Look, I bet Seamus I could b*at him at sports.

RUSSELL: Man, sports are more like football, baseball, basketball.

(LAUGHING)

You may have gotten lucky at hurling, but you'll not be b*ating me at throwing of the chariot wheel.

What kind of sports are these, anyway?

Do you know nothing at all o' your heritage?

It's the Tailteann Games that were played in Ireland for 3,000 years.

Oh. Those games.

(GRUNTING)

(CHEERING AND LAUGHTER)

What do I do now?

(SCREAMING)

Punt!

(LAUGHS)

-(BOTH LAUGHING) -Yes.

Do you know why I want that coin?

-Does it have anything to do with greed? -Ha! It's power.

Power, boyo, is what I'm after.

Taking the luck from every leprechaun in America.

It's I that'll have power over the lot of ya.

Kyle's on the wrestling team at school.

Well, it's just junior high.

(SEAMUS LAUGHING)

It's a king we had in Ireland, and it's a king I'll be, king of the leprechauns.

Yeah? Well, in America, we don't believe in kings. We believe in baseball.

-Yes! -(BOTH LAUGHING)

Without your luck, there'll be no more denying what you are.

You'll see how welcome you are in America when you're the Little People again and different from everyone else.

Then it's back to the land of Eire, back to the old country and the old ways!

(PANTING)

(LAUGHTER)

This is the last of the sports. If Kyle doesn't win this one, it's all over.

-But dancing's not a sport. -It is in Ireland.

I am the Saint of the Step!

What sort of step is that?

It's my step.

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHS)

I'll have that coin now, boyo.

-What are you talking about? We tied. -We said, if you didn't b*at me at sports, the coin was mine.

Well, a tie is not b*ating me, so hand it over.

-Man, what a cheat! -He's a devil for twisting words about.

He'd make a liar tell the truth.

The coin, boyo, or I'll have to be getting rough with you.

(SIGHS)

What about my grandda? You said you'd let him go.

I said I might let him go. Or I might just make him my sl*ve forever!

-I bet I can b*at you without my luck. -What?

I bet I can b*at you at basketball even without my lucky coin.

You've got nothing left to bet, boyo.

If I lose, I'll be your sl*ve.

Oh, no! Don't do it, Kyle, boy!

And if you win, you get your luck back, is that it?

Yeah.

You're not gonna trust this guy again, aren't you, Kyle?

Now, none of that. We're all good Irishmen here.

Irishmen.

Yeah. Okay, so if I win... If I win, I get my coin back, and you'll live forever in the land of my fathers and never leave the shores of Erie again.

Done.

(CROWD CHEERING)

ALL: Go, team, go!

(COACH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

Where were you guys?

In Ireland.

-Look, we're here now, all right? -Yeah, okay.

You get out there and take the tip-off, Kyle.

Let's get the lead and keep it. We're not going into double overtime!

ALL: Yeah!

-One, two, three! -Go, Eagles!

KYLE: Hey, this is kind of weird. How'd we end up here?

Maybe you should ask him.

Do you recognize this, boyo?

-It's your luck I'm wearing. -Isn't he a little old for junior high?

Let's just play ball, boys.

-Look, there's your grandda. -REILLY: Kyle!

No! No!

Transition, quickly! Get down and cover your man.

Yeah! Hello, old man!

-(LAUGHING) -(GRUNTING)

Make a run for it, Kyle, before it's too late.

-Put it in, Kyle, let's go! -I'm not gonna give up now.

Look, I can b*at Seamus if I try hard enough!

Kyle, throw it in!

You can't do it without your luck. You'll lose, Kyle!

You'll be a sl*ve forever!

Let's go!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Transition, quickly!

Come on!

Come on. We're gonna get this back now.

We're close.

I'm open! I'm open!

(LAUGHS)

-(GROANING) -REILLY: Russell! Russell!

Mr. O'Reilly?

Take this lucky coin and don't ask where it come from.

-Oh, great. I'll give it to Kyle. -Oh, no, no! No, it won't work for Kyle.

It's a special coin just for you.

Well, hey, thanks!

(ALL CHANT)

A boy who believes in leprechauns will believe anything!

Bring it in, Russell! Bring it in!

Let's get it back!

I'm open! I'm open!

Yeah, Russ!

-Way to go, man! -Hey, look, it's not just me.

Your grandfather gave me this lucky coin.

-Excuse me. -There's Kyle!

Seamus!

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

It's okay, son. Good foul. Good foul.

When we get the rebound, we'll bring it back to you. Let's go.

Look! There's Da!

Why did you give Russell that coin?

I thought you could use a little help.

-The way you've been playing. -But it's fake, isn't it?

Sure, it is fake, but I wouldn't be telling him that if I were you.

It's confidence the boy be wanting, not some lucky coin.

Oh, he's got all the luck he needs right in here.

Yeah. The luck's inside him.

And mine's inside me. The luck of the Irish.

Come on, Kyle! Come on! Get in the game!

-Come on! -COACH: Make a statement!

Oh, give it up, boyo, you're a leprechaun. A leprechaun's nothing without his luck!

Nobody's nothing!

(CHEERS)

Yeah!

Yeah!

-That wasn't luck! -Yeah!

COACH: Yeah, yeah, yeah! All right!

-Whoo-hoo! -Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

I touched the rim!

Hey!

Ooh!

Yeah!

(ALL CHEERING)

One more and you've got it!

Give me the ball!

Ball!

(GRUNTING)

I am the Saint of the Step. King of the leprechauns!

You'll never b*at me!

(ALL CHEERING)

That's my son!

No!

MAN: You all right, Seamus? Man, get up.

You all right there, boyo?

REILLY: You lost to the boy, Seamus. He b*at you fair and square.

Now it's time to have our luck back.

Lost, is it? Lost what?

This? I've still got a pot of gold on the bus.

And 10 times that hidden away in a cave.

KYLE: Do you remember the rest of our bet?

Oh, I remember it, boyo! Word for word.

It's home you're sending me, to live forever in Ireland.

(LAUGHING)

I'll be king of the leprechauns yet.

And then I'll settle with you, and the clan O'Reilly!

-I said the shores of Erie. -Would you at least learn how to say it?

The land of your fathers isn't "Erie," boyo. It's Eire.

My father's from Cleveland.

(GASPS)

(GROANING)

Ohio!

(WAILS)

To live forever within the shores of Lake Erie.

Heh! Sure hope he can swim better than he plays basketball.

(ALL CHEERING)

Luck's got nothing to do with it.

I'm proud of you, son.

(ALL CHEERING)

Bonnie, where have you been?

Did your daughter not tell you she's been all day interviewing for our scholarship program?

-Scholarship? -From Emerald Isle potato chips.

Why, Bonnie's at the top of our list for a full college scholarship.

After she finishes high school, of course.

Bonnie, you should have told me.

Except there's one thing that might keep her from getting it.

You see, we like our scholars to be well-rounded.

Does she not play some sort of sport?

MR. LOPEZ: Sport? Oh, yes!

She's going to play basketball next year. Is that right, Bonnie?

Whatever you say, Dad.

Well, you've got one lucky girl there, Mr. Lopez.

But aren't we all lucky to be living in so grand a country where anything is possible?

Yeah!

(IRISH FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Well, I'm really proud of my mom's family and my Irish heritage, but Americans come from all over, not just one place, and so do I.

This land is your land This land is my land From California To the New York island BOTH: From the redwood forest To the Gulf Stream waters This land was made for you and me As I was walking That ribbon of highway I saw above me that endless skyway I saw below me That golden valley This land was made for you and me This land is your land This land is my land From California To the New York Island From the redwood forest To the Gulf Stream waters This land was made for you and me

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Post Reply