06x13 - Lowell Anderson

[bunniefuu]

Sorry, we're low on shopping carts.

They haven't sent us new ones in a while, and a bunch of ours got busted 'cause some teens turned them into BattleBots.

Oh, yeah.

I saw that on YouTube.

- Did that kid survive?

- Oh, well, kinda.

They couldn't fully get the wheel out, so..

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Oh, sir!

Sorry, you can't open those until you pay for them.

Oh, that's all right.

I'm Lowell Anderson.

Okay, cool.

- You still have to...

I'm - Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

You're...

- You're Lowell Anderson!

- Yes.

Cheyenne, this is Lowell Anderson!

Cool.

The more I hear it, the more it just sounds like a furniture store.

No, but the son of Doug Anderson, the founder of Cloud !

Except Lowell's the one that took it international and made it what it is today.

To what do we owe this honor?

Oh, well, I was in town on business, and I enjoy visiting my stores.

And using public restrooms keeps me grounded.

I read that in your book!

Well, thank you.

Um, sor... would you mind if I took a photo?

This is a huge deal for me.

- Oh, of course, sure.

- Okay...

Cheyenne, please.

- Oh, okay.

- Thank you.

Thanks.

I'm Glenn Sturgis.

I'm the co-manager.

And this is Cheyenne Taylor Lee.

- Uh-huh, okay.

- She's the floor supervisor...

- Let's take the photo now.

- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

Please give a warm welcome to Cloud royalty: Mr. Lowell Anderson.

[applause]

It's an honor, sir.

Dina Fox, co-manager, -time employee of the month, highest quarterly shrink reduction in the region , never taken a vacation day.

Oh, me neither.

How 'bout sick days?

Nope...

I was out for hours when I gave birth.

- Ha!

Then I win.

- Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Mr.

Anderson is not your typical heartless businessman.

My father had a hardware store, Sturgis and Sons, and Cloud undersold us and put us out of business, but my dad said you were always a gentleman about it.

Even took him out to dinner on the night that the store closed for good.

Wow, mensch alert.

[applause]

I'm sorry, did we not hear the put him out of business part?

Wow, so you're Frank Sturgis' son.

- Yes, sir.

- [chuckles]

I remember that night.

- He remembers!

- Yeah.

I mean, I'm still sharp as a tack up here.

Yep, still asking all the big questions.

- Wow.

- For example, these, uh...

these vests.

Why?

Because the employee handbook says we have to wear them.

Yeah, but how are we gonna get inside the heads of our customers if we're separating ourselves from them?

No vests today.

Everybody, take your vests off.

Get 'em off!

You heard him, take the vests off.

- Let's go.

- Get your vests off.

Would you like the polos also, sir?

- No, just the vests.

- Okay.

- You can leave that on, Sandra.

- Oh, okay.

Ah, you still look stuffy.

- [scoffs]

- Here!

Wear one of these.

Like a customer would.

"The only thing I like more than beer is twins."

Don't you already have that shirt at home?

- And you.

- Mm-hmm?

Change that hair.

T-the hair?

Uh, how?

Well, something groundbreaking.

Surprise me.

Your hair should literally surprise me.

- Okay.

- Go, do it now.

Well, yes, sir, I was gonna give you the grand tour, but maybe Cheyenne could do it.

Oh, okay.

Do you have to pee before we get started?

- Nope.

- No?

Last chance.

Oh, actually now I have to pee.

Yep.

♪ How long ♪

♪ Has this been going on? ♪

♪ ♪ How long ♪

[laughing]

Oh, hey, girl!

Were we meeting today?

Uh, I just came to see Jonah.

That's all, quick hello.

I see.

Get it, girl.

Get it, then forget it.

You know what I mean?

- I just...

- I-I don't.

See ya later.

[chuckles]

- She's my client.

I represent her.

- Oh, yeah, no.

You took out student loans to become a lawyer to represent her.

[groans]

At least it's almost over.

Just a few more depositions.

Last night was annoying.

I had to depose your old manager.

And her video must have frozen a hundred times.

Oh, you talked to Amy?

Yeah, her connection was terrible.

I guess she's in some cabin up in the mountains.

Oh, nice, nice.

Um, did she happen to say who she was there with?

Work retreat, big group?

I didn't ask.

Why?

Nothing.

Yeah, no.

She just never seemed...

Outdoorsy.

Anyway, this weekend.

- Right.

- I wish we could really go out.

Just like hit the club, you know?

- Oh, mm-hmm.

- Just dance.

Should I have told Lowell Anderson about our new MERV filters?

Yeah, the whole time I was like, why isn't she mentioning that?

- Yeah, I know.

- Oh, you know what?

Here, you had a delivery come in for you.

Oh, Brian made me some dried fruit.

He's getting really good at it.

Look how small.

That is like pears.

That seems like too many pears, but cool.

- Huh.

- What?

Oh, he's just surprising me with a visit this weekend.

You seem more excited about the fruit.

Yeah, well, the truth is, I'm planning on ending things with Brian.

I just thought I had a couple more weeks before I had to deal with it, but looks like it's dump o'clock.

It's tough, you know?

Normally I would just tell him I'm no longer stimulated by him mentally or physically, but Brian's such a good guy.

He deserves better.

I just want him to look back and think, "You know, that was nice."

Yeah, there's no such thing as a nice break up.

Just make it quick and clean.

Rip off the Band-Aid.

Wow.

Quick and clean.

You cannot wait for me to be single.

Oh, no, that's not what this is about.

Look at you.

You're literally glowing at the idea.

Okay.

Why are you on Emma's social media?

- I wasn't.

- Yes, you were.

That picture was when she went to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk and wore a gray sweater with a llama on it.

Are you stalking Amy?

No...

I'm not stalking.

I just...

Look, I-I heard that she was up in the mountains, and I was curious to see if she took the kids, that's all.

Hmm, do you think she went up there with a guy?

It's none of my business, okay?

I was just wondering about Emma.

Which is less weird.

I think.

I can help you figure out if she's with someone.

I've been monitoring her social media for months.

I print out the good ones, and I put them up on a board.

Look, it's fine.

Thank you.

I...

it was just bugging me, you know?

Like when you get a tune stuck in your head, and you can't remember what the song is.

It's no big deal.

Have you been monitoring all of our social media?

Yep, I even know about everyone's fake accounts.

Huh.

People have fake accounts?

That's weird.

Is it, Scott McPhee?

Who only follows organic farms and influencer underwear ladies.

You know, people like to call me the Elon Musk of big-box stores, but to me, he's the Lowell Anderson of, you know, whatever it is he does.

Yuck, that's mealy.

Mm.

Actually, I just remembered, um, it's almost lunchtime.

You probably have to head out to some fancy fish and strawberries place.

Oh, no.

I got all day.

Yeah, when I visit my stores, I like to get involved.

You know, really roll up my sleeves.

Oh, cool.

I bet your elbows are rad.

Oh, hold on.

Oh, look at that.

That customer couldn't get a feel for that blender because of all this damn packaging.

You know, the customer wants to have a hands-on experience with the product, but...

You know what?

Let's take everything out of the boxes.

Everything?

Like in the whole store?

Maybe we should talk the idea through before we decide if it's... good.

You know, I don't really expect you to grasp this kind of out-of-the-box thinking, but I'll tell you what.

Just for now, let's go with my idea.

And once you build a billion-dollar company, we'll go with one of your ideas.

[blows nose]

All right, let's empty these boxes.

[whimsical music]

Ew!

Sorta straight.

Yeah.

- Glenn.

- S-sorry, one second.

I'm on the phone with a fancy hair salon.

Yes, but it just needs to be, you know, groundbreaking.

Well, you're the expert, Trinity, you tell me.

Okay, no, that's good.

All right, I'll see you soon.

Love you!

Sorry, that was strange.

I'm a little nervous.

Love you.

Bye.

What's up?

Lowell was just saying that he wants the store to be more "hands-on," and I just worry that his ideas might be slightly...

fully wack.

Okay, look, Lowell's methods may seem strange, but that's because we're not on his level intellectually.

I mean, this morning, I watched a squirrel unwrap a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for an hour.

Glenn, you have to get TikTok.

That's, like, literally all it is.

I know, I know.

Look, just do whatever Lowell wants, 'kay?

And I'm sorry, I'm in a rush.

Trinity's working out of her aunt's kitchen, and we have to wrap it up before the cacciatore prep starts.

[sighs]

So we're taking it all out of the boxes?

- I guess.

- Mateo.

You seem like someone who's gotten dumped a lot.

Because of the shirt?

You heard him tell me to wear it.

No, it's more your whole thing feels it would be a lot.

So what's the nicest way you've been broken up with?

I told you, there's no nice way to do it.

You just gotta rip off the Band-Aid.

He's right.

Just don't use any of those insulting clichés, you know?

"It's not you, it's me."

Yeah, or "I think we'd be better as friends."

"When I look at you, all I see is Shrek."

When Sophia broke up with me, she said, "I don't think I'm ready to date someone as great as you."

- [groans]

- Oh, ew.

You want them to know that the breakup is hard for you, so try to look sad, but not too sad.

I aim to be as sad as possible while still looking hot.

It'd be easier to just let him break up with you.

Be mean.

Start pointless arguments.

It's actually super fun.

So about Amy.

I told you, I'm letting it go.

I think I know where she's staying.

Three days ago, Amy posted this car selfie.

Note the parka.

Now, look at the sun reflected in her sunglasses.

Wonderland Cabins.

That's where she is.

Okay, this is um, an invasion of privacy.

You think I could follow this trail if she wasn't leaving breadcrumbs?

She wants to be caught.

Caught... going on vacation?

Here's the phone number.

Come on, don't you wanna know?

Okay, all right.

Look.

I'm gonna make one call, and then this whole thing is over, okay?

Totally.

Hi, uh...

I'm wondering if you have anybody staying in your cabins by the name of Amy Sosa?

You don't?

Okay.

Oh, do you have anybody by the name of Bethany?

Sometimes when she travels, she tells people her name is Bethany.

It's like her name tag thing, you know?

Yeah, that never got old.

You do?

Oh, um...

do you know if, um... if she's there with um...

one person, multiple people?

I ask because I-I want to send them a long sandwich, and I want to know how long the sandwich should be.

Uh-huh.

She... she checked in with a-a gentleman.

What's his name?

Sorry, she's...

She's what?

She's...

She's in the parking lot giving lizard tattoos.

Okay, thank you so much for your help.

Amy's giving lizard tattoos?

No, Bethany is giving lizard tattoos.

Right, "Bethany." No, no, it's not Amy.

It's Bethany.

Right, not Amy.

You will feel better when it's done.

Just...

[video call ringing]

- Hey, you!

- Hey, you got a minute?

Yeah, what's up?

Did you get the dried fruit?

Yeah, no, they were very small.

Um, so, look...

[sighs]

I just wanted to say that...

I'm sorry.

I didn't think I was gonna get emotional.

But I'm not too emotional.

Dina, is everything okay?

Is everything okay?

See, this is just like you, always asking probing questions.

[sighs]

I'm a monster.

How do you even put up with me?

It's fine.

Look...

Brian, here's the deal.

What are you do...

Are you closing the...

Dina!

Uh, I'm sorry for the wait, but we're being told

- that this is... better.

- Yes!

This is very exciting for you.

You're at the forefront of innovation.

You're like those chimps they sent into space.

Oh, oh, hang on, Elias, let me help you with that.

Well, this doesn't seem to be working at all.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Well, there was no way we could have known.

All right, here's what I want to try next: Once you get everything back into the boxes, let's get rid of the shelves.

No!

Okay, I'm not doing that.

You have really bad ideas, all right?

You're not a genius; You're just a rich d*ck!

Cheyenne Taylor Lee.

That is no way to talk to Mr. Anderson.

Sir, I am so sorry.

I was just...

You was all like...

Gah!

You know, this is so messed, but your hair looks really good, and if you could text me Trinity's number, that would be great.

♪ Do you like it?

I mean, please, be honest.

I don't.

It's bad.

And honestly, I find it a little odd that you would get a haircut in the middle of a workday.

Wait, you said that I should... Now, about this Cheyenne person.

I assume you're gonna write her up, remind her who's in charge.

I-I don't think that's necessary.

I mean, she knows who's in charge.

I've got the good clipboard.

No consequences, hmm?

Like father, like son.

Glenn, I'm gonna tell you something painful, but you need to know.

I didn't exactly buy your dad dinner that night.

Truth is, that night, I offered your dad a chance to save his store.

I told him I'd stop underselling him if he could prove he could run with the big dogs by eating a can of dog food.

It was very funny.

What's the funny part?

Well, he ate the dog food, and I closed his store anyway.

I mean, you get it?

I can see why dad changed some details

- about that evening.

- Glenn, there are two kinds of people in this world.

Weak people, who eat dog food, and strong people, who make them eat it.

Now, what kind are you?

Are we sure there's just the two?

[cell phone ringing]

Hey, Brian.

What's up?

Hey, look, I'm sorry to bug you.

It's just that I had this strange conversation

with Dina just now, and she's not picking up.

Is she, like, really busy or something?

Yeah, that's probably it.

You know, Thursday and everything.

Yeah, okay, good.

'Cause I was...

I was starting to wonder if maybe

she was trying to break up with me.

Oh, no, I wouldn't know anything about that.

But, look, Brian, you're a solid guy, and if, by some chance, Dina doesn't see that anymore, you'll be fine.

You're a vet.

That'll be great on the dating apps.

- You'll have pictures of you...

- Dating apps?

You think she is trying to break up with me.

No, I didn't...

I didn't say that.

- You said that.

- Yeah, but then you said it.

You... what I said was just like maybe...

mm.

Garrett, can you hear...

[sighs]

Am I frozen?

Garrett!

Is that Brian?

I think we have a bad connection.

- Yeah.

- Can you hear me?

What is going on?

Well, Garrett just told me that you're breaking up with me.

Garrett, what the hell?

So it's not true?

No...

it is, but he wasn't supposed to tell you.

I've been working on a whole thing.

Dina.

Just tell me.

Okay, the thing is...

I just don't think I'm ready to date someone as great as you.

Honestly, Dina...

That is like the nicest thing I've ever heard

someone say to me. I mean, I'm, like, flattered.

You know, if you're not ready, you're not ready.

But is there any chance that maybe you could...

get ready? Like over time?

No.

That's how great you are.

- Damn.

- Yeah.

See you later, man.

Okay, I think I have a lead, but it's a long sh*t.

Amy's cousin's ex is following one of "Scott McPhee's" favorite...

- influencers.

- Oh, Emma just posted.

What?

What's it say?

What's it say?

What's it say?

"Having a great time in the snow with my mom and little bro.

#FamilyTrip, #HighlnTheMountains.

Oh, my God.

She's just with Emma and Parker.

She's still single.

Wow.

That was scary.

[Laughs]

Look at my hand.

Yeah, although I am concerned about #HighlnTheMountains.

Do you think Emma's smoking pot again?

Who cares?

What matters is that Amy's single.

Now, here's the plan.

You're gonna call Amy and say you want one last special night together.

But here's what she doesn't know: I'm gonna poke a hole in the condom.

What?

No, this isn't...

No, no.

I'm over Amy, okay?

And I'm with Hannah now.

Then what the [bleep]

have we been doing all day?

I'm actually okay with the fit.

It's just, I don't really like beer.

Or twins, honestly.

It's like, again with this person?

- [laughs]

- Mm-hmm.

Cheyenne, are you even listening?

This shirt is ruining my life.

It is crazy soft, though.

But again, the fit.

There you are, Cheyenne.

Do you have a moment?

Of course, you do.

Go ahead, Glenn.

- Tell her.

- Tell me what?

Um, Cheyenne, I'm sorry.

I have no choice.

Actually, I don't have anything to tell you.

Except that I'm sorry.

Oh, okay.

Two kinds of people, Glenn.

That's right.

Where are you going?

And I'm the kind of people who make other people eat dog food.

Okay, what?

This is for my dad.

And for all the other little guys that you shoved around.

So yeah, you... y-you eat it!

Come on, y-you jerk.

[laughs]

Yeah.

- [grunts]

- Okay, Glenn.

[disgusted groans]

Oh, he's just insane.

That's why he didn't like the cardigan.

- Give it back.

- No, no, I gotta finish it.

All the best stuff settles down at the bottom.

- Oh.

- I... okay.

Okay, Mr. Anderson.

The parking lot's right out here and thank you for coming, and you are welcome back any time.

Yes, or you can check out any other Cloud in St.

Louis.

Yeah, I hear Quincy is dope.

Oh, the skylight one.

Huh, that's a great idea.

Yeah, I would like to see as many as possible before Zephra shuts them all down.

Anyway, hey, don't let my wife know I spoiled my dinner.

Oh, no, sir.

We wouldn't do that.

[both laugh]

What did he mean by Zephra shutting down all the Cloud s?

Who knows?

The guy's clearly lost it.

Yeah, that wife he mentioned?

She's probably just a mop with sunglasses.

I don't know.

I mean, in-store sales have been down 'cause of COVID.

And it would kind of explain why corporate hasn't sent those replacement shopping carts.

Cheyenne, he ate the entire can.

And it's not even like it was cat food, you know, where you look at the picture on the can, and you're like, well, maybe.

Mm.

You know, maybe it was my fault.

I didn't explicitly say "don't break up with my boyfriend for me." Hold on.

Okay, Brian called me.

I wasn't trying to break you guys up.

Oh, come on.

No one is buying that.

Look at you.

You are dying to date me.

- You're practically drooling.

- Okay, you know what?

You're the one who keeps bringing this up.

Maybe you're the one who's dying to date me.

That's ridiculous.

You do nothing for me.

But if you want it so bad, I mean, I can take pity on you, and we can get dinner tonight.

Okay, so we'll go out to dinner because I want to.

Not you, me.

Exactly.

And you probably want to go somewhere fancy, like Tony Rotundo's because that's how pathetic you are.

Oh, sure.

You just happened to mention my favorite restaurant because clearly you don't care about me at all.

Pfft, you're loving this.

I bet you are gonna have a great time.

Oh, more like you will.

Time of your frickin' life.

We are so close to settling this thing, but Carol just keeps pushing and pushing.

Now she wants it in writing that Sandra has to deliver the settlement to her in cash - in her teeth.

- [laughs]

[sighs]

This is good, you know?

Uh, yeah.

No, I was just thinking, you and me, it's...

It's good, and I'm happy.

Okay, what's going on here?

Are you dying?

No, no, it's just...

no, I...

Last year was tough, and being here with you is...

it's better.

It's a lot better.

[chuckles]

I mean, obviously, if Carol were here, that would be best.

That would be the ideal scenario.

Oh, do you want me to...

I can text her.

[laughs]

Then he said Zephra's shutting down all the Cloud s.

The man is legit bonkers.

He eats dog food.

But I just thought I'd run it by you since you said that I could call you for anything.

Yeah that...

that is weird.

Um...

Let me see what I can find out.