03x07 - Witch Way Out

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Charmed...

MEL: Your book is eight years old

and out-of-date with current research.

MAGGIE: How do you tell the dean you don't want

to teach her book without getting fired?

- Exactly.

- GLORIA: Congratulations, Ms. Vaughn.

You've inherited SafeSpace.

MACY: This is

an incredible opportunity to use our voices for good.

The legal clinic you mentioned, the nonprofit?

Sounds like a perfect place to start to me.

I'm your nemesis?

- [SCOFFS]

- No, no, you're my nemesis.

To a clean slate.

Cheers.

[MAGICAL CHIME]

[GASPS]

HARRY: We know from the revelation spell

that these prehistoric symbols

on the stone tablet have something

- to do with your allergy.

- And they match the symbols left behind by the Chupa-Alma.

Where the hell did these extinct creatures

- even come from?

- HARRY:

Where do you put

a bunch of baddies so they don't wreak havoc on everyone?

A magical Alcatraz.

HARRY: Thanks to this orb, I was able to translate

symbols into numbers.

They contain location information.

♪ ♪

WOMAN: Fog is nothing more than an illusion.

Single water droplets forming mist.

At first blush, it appears as a barrier.

But walk through it and everything becomes clear.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey, Magster.

No!

[PANTING]

WOMAN: You can make anything happen.

But can I stop it from happening?

Hey, have you guys eaten breakfast yet?

I could really go for...

... smoothies.

Hello?

[WATER DRIPPING]

Mel?

Macy?

Harry?

_ No.

Nuh-uh.

If this is some "I'm still sleeping" crap, I'm not playing!

Mel?

Macy?

Harry?

Anyone?

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Wait, what?

Okay...

This is not right.

[GRUNTS]

[MUTTERING SOFTLY]

Uh, time of day...

: , I think.

I seem to be dreaming or having some kind of memory loss.

Spatial relations are all messed up.

Brain event or disorientation spell?

The last thing I remember was us focusing on finding the monster prison.

Okay.

Uh, on the positive side, I'm not alone.

On the negative side, I am not alone.

[LOCK CLICKS]

Great.

More blood.

Powers M.I.A.

[CREATURES CHITTERING]

- Uh...

[GLASS CRUNCHES]

[STAMMERS]

[DOOR OPENS]

Mel?

Maggie?

Are you here?

Are you okay?

[GRUNTS, PANTING]

Damn it.

Macy!

Maggie!

Who the hell are you?

[GLASS CRUNCHES]

Who's there?

Macy.

Mel.

Damn it.

This fun house is not fun.

Macy, if you can hear me, don't move.

I'm coming back.

[EXHALES]

I am so over this.

Macy.

Oh, thank God.

I was afraid you wouldn't make it back.

What...

Is this a dream?

I don't know.

But our house has turned into some kind of hell maze and...

- Our powers don't work.

- I know.

Is that my shoe?

w*apon.

Where's Maggie?

Hopefully not here.

Wherever here is.

What happened to your hand?

I got frustrated with the door, so I tried the window.

Mel, we have to remain calm.

Gather data.

Figure out the layout of the place, the rules, the potential dangers.

If there's a way in, there is a way out.

In theory, great idea.

But in practice, not going so well.

A hypothesis is just a starting point, Mel.

Don't get irritated with me.

I'm irritated?

You're the one punching through windows.

[CLATTERING]

What's that?

On three.

One, two, three.

[CLATTERING]

[SOFT MURMURING]

Maggie?

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS]

Y-You're real.

You're real.

Who the hell are you?

I see you.

I see me.

She's full-on "talking to Wilson."

We have to help her.

Make her remember who we are.

Look how fragile her mental state is.

I-I don't think we should overwhelm her.

Well, do you have a better plan?

Better than just going around breaking stuff?

Breaking the window was the quickest way to find out if the whole house was an illusion.

MACY: Well, quickest isn't always better.

That's all I'm saying.

MEL: Is it all you're saying?

Or are you calling me a hothead?

[METALLIC THUDDING]

Shades!

[SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

[CHUCKLES]

You got to be ready for the tick-tick-boom.

- Oh, no, no, no...

- Ow.

Are you...

a robot?

No.

I'm not a robot.

It's a long story.

So, we're still allergic.

Good to know.

Yeah...

Maggie?

How often does the-the light show happen?

The tick-tick-boom?

- Yeah.

- Mm...

Couple times a sleep.

A sleep?

It's always kind of day here, so I measure time by sleeps.

I've been here for .

I think?

MACY: I-I don't know how she ended up here by herself for that long.

It looks like the longer you stay here...

The crazier you get.

If that happens to us...

We'll never get out of here.

What else can you tell us?

Mm...

Hmm...

The space changes things.

A lot.

Like...

the gathering place down there.

Gathering place?

That sounds promising.

That could be a... an entry point.

You can't get there from here, unless you know the way.

Come on, I'll show you.

Ta-da!

The gathering place.

Now there are real friends to sit on chairs.

Y-You sure do know a lot about this space.

Um, do you remember how you got here?

Oh, I remember that I...

Started to forget things.

So I-I took notes.

Um...

"Sexy jock man in towel."

Does that mean anything to you?

Sorry, I didn't catch your names.

Mel.

I'm your sister, Maggie.

Oh.

[SIGHS]

I can't...

[SIGHS]

Mel.

Mel.

It... it feels right.

And you are?

Also your sister.

I'm Macy.

Macy?!

Macy.

I-I rem-remember that name.

[QUIETLY]: Macy...

Macy.

MAGGIE: Macy.

Look what I found.

You forgot your lunch again.

MACY: I'm not hungry.

Thanks, though.

Tofu wrap.

Tofu wrap?

Hard pass.

- Your loss.

- I...

- I remember this.

- MEL: Her memory is playing out like a VR Sim.

JORDAN: So, good news.

The partners gave me the okay.

I can donate ten pro bono hours a week to the immigration legal clinic.

Got this universal translator app, top of the line.

Good morning.

[AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKS CHINESE]

Even translates slang and swears.

Uh, kiss my...

There's not gonna be a clinic.

The Shea Group board rejected my proposal to rent them the space at half price.

MAGGIE: Do they understand what an important service...

MACY: What they understand is dollars and cents.

I tried, but Pythagoras couldn't make the numbers add up.

I'm sorry.

I know you were excited about this, Jordan.

Kicked in the ass by the bottom line.

That sucks.

[AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKS CHINESE]

Well, I'm gonna go before I break the profanity circuit.

MACY: It was my one big idea.

To give back.

How am I gonna tell Swan I failed?

You haven't failed.

You just haven't succeeded yet.

[PHONES CHIME]

It's Mel.

She figured out how to access the monster prison.

Monster prison.

That's right.

We were trying to figure out a way in.

What if we did?

If this is a monster prison...

then why does it look like our world?

And where are the monsters?

Cardamom.

Mel.

Your favorite spice is cardamom, and...

Macy, your password for everything is "MaryAnning ," for that fossil lady.

She discovered the ichthyosaur.

You remember?

Not that word, but you.

Us.

We're the Charmed Ones.

And we saved the world.

More than once, I think.

- Don't!

- Don't!

What the hell?

MACY: Yeah, sorry, we...

We're allergic.

To each other.

Right.

Maggie, we need to go back to that memory.

Figure out what I figured out.

[SIGHS]

I-I lost it.

But...

I remember everything that happened up until that moment in Macy's office.

When I got here, the geography was normal, and then it was like the world got thrown into a blender and...

My memory started to go bye-bye.

MACY: It's the perfect prison.

The inmates don't try to get out because they don't even realize they're trapped.

It's like our memories were used to build this place, somehow.

But when Maggie was alone, she started to lose her memory.

So we have to stick together.

No matter what.

Classic horror movie rule.

I like it.

MEL: I just wish you could have remembered the spell we need, or whatever got us into this tomb of chaos.

Well, you got some of your memories back.

I guess the question is what triggered them?

What was the last thing you were doing before...

Lunch.

The-the lunch bag.

Except...

I got your name wrong.

Why would I do that?

You wouldn't.

Maggie, what's happening?

[PANTING]

Maggie!

Macy?

If this is Monster Alcatraz, there must be guards.

Guards?

Guards!

You are not going to win, whoever you are.

We are going to find each other.

We are gonna get out of here.

- [GASPS]

- [SLOSHING]

- [CREAKING]

- What the...

You've got to be kidding me.

♪ ♪

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Help!

So, we-we started making progress and were immediately separated.

Raising the possibility of some sort of...

uh, magical artificial intelligence at work here.

Adjusting to our moves.

I just... got to find my sisters.

Stick together.

[PANTING]

[WHOOSHING]

Wh...

[PANTING]

[WHOOSHING]

[WHOOSHING]

[PANTING]

[PHONE BEEPS]

I'm trying to leave the command center, but it appears the prison has other ideas.

[SLOSHING]

Okay...

Quick is not always best.

Stay calm... whatever my name is.

[GASPS]

[WHOOSHING]

[PANTING]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Really?

What are you smiling at?

If I do sleep with you, I can promise there won't be any photographic evidence.

Wait a second.

♪ ♪

This didn't happen.

Either it's messing with my head, trying to plant memories.

Or...

It got something wrong.

Again.

Fog is nothing more than an illusion.

Walk through it and everything becomes clear.

♪ ♪

MACY: What more could I do?

The board bylaws give them control over any financial decision that might impact "the SafeSpace brand."

- SafeSpace brand?

- Magster.

Magster?

[ANTONIO AND MAGGIE CHUCKLE]

Antonio.

My nemesis.

I owe you a latte.

You were right about that essay question on ironic process theory.

MAGGIE: Wow.

So I was right about something, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

Give the woman a gold star.

Sorry.

I got to dash.

Uh...

I guess that would be a no on the latte.

MACY: What the hell was that?

I've never seen you so...

- Pink elephant.

- What?

Ironic process theory...

The more you try to not think about the pink elephant, the more you think about the pink elephant.

Ah.

Would the pink elephant happen to be named Antonio?

Mm, I had a vision I'm really, really trying to make sure doesn't come true.

Like "him in a towel" vision.

[SUCKS IN BREATH]

Hence the meditation.

This is supposed to be the Year of Me.

Not the year of me focusing on yet another guy.

But the more I try to suppress it...

the worse it gets.

When you focus on your fears, you end up running into them.

When you focus on your goals, you end up manifesting them.

MEL [IN DISTANCE]: Help!

Mel?

Macy?

I'm coming!

Why am I doing this?

Wait.

Got to remember.

[SIGHS]

Let's see...

[PEPPY TUNE PLAYING]

Wait, that...

Come on, that's not fair.

Macy?

Macy.

I've been looking everywhere for you.

The prison, it has glitches.

It gets things wrong.

Like the-the lunch bag and the photo of Antonio.

Those glitches trigger our memories.

They tell our unconscious mind something isn't right.

Who are you?

It's me.

Maggie.

Your sister.

Come back to me.

Focus.

Maggie.

Maggie, Maggie.

Maggie.

Maggie.

That's...

I-I was looking...

... looking for you and Mel.

[EXHALES]

This prison keeps adapting.

It's-it's like it's alive.

It knows we're onto it.

That's why it keeps separating us.

We have to move fast.

Before it adapts again.

MEL [IN DISTANCE]: Help!

Help!

[GASPING]

Help!

- MACY: Mel?

Mel!

- MAGGIE: Mel?

Mel?

God, Macy, look.

Hold on, Mel, hold on.

[GASPING]

We got you, Mel!

I hate this place.

Well, you'll love this.

Maggie figured out how to outsmart it.

Come on.

We're going on a glitch hunt.

A glitch hunt?

Looking for things that seem off.

Or that don't belong.

Uh, words.

Things.

Faces.

I've got one.

Him.

Who is he?

I don't know.

But I kind of hate him.

Is that weird?

Not the weirdest thing that's happened today.

MACY: The prison's misinterpreting our memories again.

Like it did with Maggie and Antonio, confusing hate with love.

Yeah, it doesn't understand context.

Or emotions.

Hence, the glitches.

So...

... what do I do?

You need to focus on the picture.

Figure out who it is.

Why it's here.

[GROWLING, GROANING IN DISTANCE]

MEL: Auditing?

Why am I being audited?

Well, it's customary for an academic observer to sit in on new professors.

I thought Dean Eldon had mentioned it to you.

MAGGIE: That's the guy from the photo.

I remember this jerk now.

Dean Eldon put me under observation because I refused to teach her crappy book.

Mel, we have to get to the moment we entered the tomb.

Do you remember anything after this?

I was so mad.

I filed a complaint.

ELDON: I can assure you, Mel, that this is standard operating procedure.

Really?

According to standard operating procedure in the employee handbook, "no professor will be audited without express consent."

ELDON: An oversight on my part.

But the university does put observers into the classroom from time to time.

MEL: Well, the timing of this feels a lot like retaliation for not teaching your book.

I understand how it appeared to you, Mel.

And for that I am sorry.

So, Dean Eldon has apologized, Mel.

You won't be audited without proper notification next time.

That's good to know.

MEDIATOR: We do need you to sign this before you leave.

MEL: An NDA?

You want me to sign a non-disclosure agreement?

It's just standard procedure.

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

MAN: ... and remember the three Ls...

Legalize, legalize, legalize.

Thank you.

- This is why we have...

- MACY: What is this?

Speaker's corner.

It's where people go to speak their mind.

MEL: The role of education is to enlighten and inform.

But apparently, at Seattle State College, it's to print money and silence new voices.

- Oh, Mel.

- [STUDENTS CHEERING, BOOING]

Oh, no.

MEL: Dean Eldon is trying to intimidate me because I refuse to promote her outdated and offensive ideas.

Is this fascism?

No.

But it is how fascism starts!

And this is where it stops.

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

Oh, God, there's got to be a fast-forward button.

Mel, you have to keep watching or the memory's gonna disappear.

What am I supposed to do...

Grab a snack, kick back, and enjoy the "How I Lost My Job" show?

Look, I'm sorry.

I know how much you loved your job, but we need you to stick with this until we figure out how we got in here.

So we can get the hell out.

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

- MEL: Here.

Thank you.

- [FEEDBACK WHINES]

MAGGIE: We got here as fast as we could.

MACY: What did you figure out?

Okay, so, hear me out.

So this monster prison is in another dimension.

That much we know, thanks to Macy and Harry.

A dimension we can't access, because our only clues are the symbols on that tablet.

Which are written in some ancient language.

- MACY: A lost language.

- MEL: Exactly.

And then I realized...

Harry already translated these symbols into numbers.

And the numbers have a corresponding sound.

Oh, my God, that's it.

We used the sound of the symbols to access this place.

Like Chaldean numerology.

Chaldean numer-what?

An ancient Babylonian magic where symbols translate as a letter, a number.

And a frequency.

Okay, so you want us to chant the sound of these syllables.

Yes.

And with any luck, it will reveal a portal to the monster dimension.

Worth a sh*t.

MEL: This is it.

This is the spell we need to get the hell out of here.

ALL: Saribe

arabka

petema.

Maybe we said it wrong?

It is kind of a tongue twister.

[PHONE CHIMES]

- [INHALES]

- No, no, no, no.

MAGGIE: Mel?

What's happening?

I may have blown off some steam about the dean in public.

And someone posted it on DirtDish.

Dean Eldon is trying to intimidate me because I refuse to promote her outdated and offensive ideas.

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

Mel, why would you do that?

They wanted me to sign an NDA.

They were trying to silence me.

Look, I know you want to burn it all down, but sometimes you have to play the game.

This is not a game.

That petty tyrant is trying to destroy my career.

Well, it looks like you did that all by yourself.

Okay, let's just take five.

You rolled over for the board without so much as a peep.

It's called accepting reality, Mel.

You should try it sometime.

[EXHALES, SCOFFS]

MAGGIE: I was wondering why you two were so prickly with each other.

Mystery solved.

Saribe arabka petema.

[WHOOSH]

Mel!

Macy!

I think it's...

Well, on the bright side, we know what we did wrong.

We each have to say the spell on our own.

When we came in to find Maggie, we each did the incantation separately.

So, it could open a door to our dimension.

Or we could end up in that room full of monsters we just heard.

Or that.

But frankly, I don't see any other options at this point.

[EXHALES]

[SIGHS]

Saribe arabka petema.

Saribe arabka petema.

Saribe arabka petema.

[WHOOSH]

It worked.

We did it.

I haven't seen magic like that since... never.

MACY: Everything was so meticulously constructed.

They-they really thought of everything.

Whoever designed the tomb of chaos deserves a Nobel Prize.

Well, looks like we kicked its brilliant, ancient ass.

It's hard to believe that we're back in the real world.

Yeah... seeing yourself from the outside.

Not good.

I'm really sorry, Mel.

I shouldn't have judged you so harshly.

You were trying to fight for what was right.

Oh, please.

I was a total ass.

I lost my head and I lost my job.

You always keep your head, Macy.

And you kept SafeSpace.

♪ But maybe that'll save me from having to figure life out... ♪

Now, if you don't mind, I haven't showered in days.

So there's a lavender harvest foaming bath with my name on it.

Maggie, wait.

We're still inside.

The prison pretended we escaped so that we would stop trying.

What a jerk.

MEL: I knew it.

Look at that picture.

MAGGIE: It's me and you and Mom and...

Macy.

So another glitch.

This place got one thing right.

We are a family.

MEL: I'm sorry.

I guess the spell was a one-way ticket.

It got us in, but didn't get us out.

True.

But there is an exit, Mel.

The rift between the dimensions.

The monsters have been pouring through it.

We just have to find it.

The tick-tick-boom.

The-the crazy lights and noises are the monsters escaping through the rift.

I think I can help get us home.

"Fog is nothing more than an illusion.

Walk through it and everything becomes clear."

We used the glitches to get our memories back.

Cracked the prison's facade.

Now we need to tear down the entire illusion.

I've been trying all day, believe me.

If you focus on your fears you run into them.

If you focus on your goals, you manifest them.

Especially with the Power of Three.

So if we focus together...

we'll get the hell out of here.

We'll destroy the artifice.

Something like that.

- It's working.

- [SCREECHING IN DISTANCE]

Monster soundtrack is back on.

Once we drop the window dressing, we'll be right there with them.

[MONSTERS GROWLING, ROARING]

MAGGIE: Look, it's the symbols from the stone tablet.

It must be where they hold all the monsters.

I have a distinct feeling we're about to become our cellmates' lunch.

Right over there.

Let's go.

[ROARS]

It's that damn Chupa-Alma thing again!

Looks like the tomb's upping its game.

Blocking our way out.

[ROARS]

Fog is an illusion.

Walk through it.

Huh?

It's just another glitch.

We already got rid of the Chupa-Alma in the real world.

It can't still be in the tomb.

MEL: How sure are you?

I'm not entirely winging it.

Good enough.

Where the hell are we?

Harry?

You did it.

You're home.

CHARMED ONES: U subatam sullim.

U subatam sullim.

You're sure this Babylonian spell will hold, Harry?

Seal the rift?

HARRY: I found it in The Book of Elders.

Apparently, it was once used to seal up a small passageway in a disputed witch territory.

Not sure how long it'll hold as a bandage on a magical wormhole, but...

It'll buy us some time.

We're back in Seattle?

It turns out my suspicions were correct.

We can predict where our world will collide with the monster dimension, because it follows a pattern.

A Fibonacci sequence, to be exact.

Which led me here, to our own backyard.

Come on.

Let's go home.

[PHONE CHIMES]

Whoa, I had less notifications when we d*ed in Hilltowne.

How long were we gone?

About four hours.

- [PHONES CHIMING]

- Though time is relative.

In another dimension you could have experienced it as shorter...

Or longer.

Mel, you have over , views on DirtDish.

That's, like, cat video territory.

I am so fired.

♪ Ain't no time to be foolish ♪

♪ Got to grab every minute... ♪

- WOMAN: Good morning, Professor.

- She's so awesome.

♪ Pay no mind to the cool kids... ♪

Hey, Professor Vera.

♪ Can't they see what they're doing is foolish... ♪

Hey there, Professor Viral.

Trending topic for three consecutive hours.

Uh, hey, Kevin.

Uh, where-where you headed?

Uh, to clean out my office.

It was a pleasure teaching you.

Truly.

You haven't heard.

Dean Eldon is the C word.

Hmm?

Cancelled!

After your impassioned speech...

It was a call to arms.

We did what you taught us.

We protested.

On Twitter, Instagram and...

So the school put her on leave for retaliating against you.

- ♪ It's time to make it... ♪

- So I...

Won?

♪ The future is waiting... ♪

MACY: Nothing in life is free.

There's no reason why SafeSpace can't charge for coffee.

And kombucha.

I understand the instinct, but free beverages is a cornerstone of the SafeSpace brand.

That's why I've personally checked with each tenant.

And they are all willing to pay for the drinks in order to help fund a free legal clinic, which will serve their community.

Take a look at the numbers.

And not to spoil anything...

They add up.

♪ We're gonna move this mountain ♪

♪ Stand on top and shout it ♪

♪ Power lies with the people ♪

♪ So we got to be about it... ♪

This is a radical change in policy.

I'll have to bring it up to the board.

Absolutely.

Uh, and would you just make sure they know that I already announced everything on our social media accounts?

♪ It ain't complicated... ♪

Of course, defunding a free legal clinic is the board's prerogative.

I just worry that a decision like that could negatively impact the SafeSpace brand.

♪ I'm gonna bend or break ♪

♪ Live for my own sake... ♪

You're an impressive woman, Ms. Vaughn.

♪ I'm gonna find a way ♪

♪ I'm gonna bend or break ♪

♪ Do it for my own sake ♪

♪ No matter how long it takes... ♪

WOMAN: Destiny does not just happen.

You create your own reality.

[KNOCKING, DOOR OPENS]

Hey, Magster.

♪ The power lies with the people ♪

♪ So we got to be about it ♪

MAGGIE: Yep...

We're home.

Yes, we are.

♪ It's time to make it... ♪

So we know how to get into the tomb of chaos.

And we know how to get out of it.

Just opens up a whole other can of worms.

Like who created this thing and...

Why?

And how does it help us solve our allergy?

But one thing at a time.

For now, let's just celebrate the victories of the moment.

Not to spoil the mood, but I've been making some calculations using Maggie's notes.

If every time she saw the light of the rift inside the tomb, one or more monsters escaped, not to mention the ones who got out before then...

We're going to see a lot more ancient threats.

[HEAVY POUNDING]

MAGGIE: Jordan?

Are you okay?

[PANTING]

Big...

Thing.

Claws.

Outside!

[MONSTER ROARING]