02x07 - Carbon Dating And A Stuffed Raccoon

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

- Who are you?

- I'm Paige.

This is a very advanced class.

Do you know how to differentiate under the integral sign?

No.

Do you know anything?

I know you're in my spot.

These are parents we can actually relate to.

Sounds good.

Oh, thank you, Lord, for connecting us with the parents of another special child.

You kids are special, too.

I used to work at the practice with Barry, but I had to quit once Paige's schedule started to get busy.

Well, a unique child can require a lot of attention.

Try all the attention.

Barry, it sounds like you might be feeling left out.

Sometimes I do.

Don't you get him another beer.

Oh, come on.

You love this, and you know it.

They're as messed-up as we are.

From a young age, I was the proud member of several elite organizations: The Radio Shack Battery Club, entitling the bearer to the incredible bargain of one free battery per month.

It's no wonder they went out of business.

Starfleet International, entitling the bearer to say things like, "I'm a member of Starfleet International." And best of all, the Natural Science Museum of Texas, which included a free subscription to their magazine.

"The secrets of carbon isotope dating." Juicy.

Mom, can you make the salad?

Sure.

Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.

Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay.

You don't tell me how to make a salad.

There's going to be a lecture on carbon dating at the Natural Science Museum on Saturday.

Who would like to take me?

You know what?

I'd be happy to.

What happened to helping me at my yard sale?

Ooh, is that this Saturday?

I'm sorry.

I'm taking him to a lecture on, uh...

what is it?

Carbonation?

Carbon dating.

A method of determining the age of artifacts and fossils.

Hey, we could use that to figure out how old your grandma is.

That won't work.

You can't carbon-date something that's alive.

Well, then, we'll just chop her down and count the rings.

Oh, George, did my "lump of clay" remark strike a nerve?

A little.

♪♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪♪ ♪♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪♪ ♪♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪♪ ♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪ ♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪ Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?

I guess.

Why?

Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.

Yeah.

So?

Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?

Not at all.

- Why?

- Simple.

We never talk about it.

So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?

At all costs.

Hearing that further convinces me I'll never get married.

Never say never.

Why not?

You just said it twice.

All right, as soon as I get these tables set up on the lawn, y'all can start bringing that stuff out.

You think you're gonna get ten bucks for this piece of junk?

Hey, that piece of junk is a wedding gift from my cheap-ass Cousin Betty.

And I was gonna leave a little room to haggle.

What's a haggle?

Negotiating.

You start high, they offer less, then you meet somewhere in the middle.

Leaves them feeling like, you know, they got a deal.

- Did they?

- Not if you did it right.

How much are we getting paid today?

You're not getting paid squat.

You're helping out your meemaw.

That doesn't seem fair.

Yeah, we should get something.

Fine.

How much you want?

Five dollars.

- Each.

- Each.

That's pretty steep.

How about I give you a buck apiece?

Let's meet in the middle... three dollars each.

Now we're haggling.

Let me ask you a question.

If you break something today, are you prepared to cover the cost of that?

- No.

- Nuh-uh.

Mm.

Well, we're gonna have to factor that in.

And did you bring your own lunch?

You said we were getting pizza.

Well, I did, but pizza ain't free.

And I'm teaching you about negotiating, which is a pretty valuable life lesson, right?

Yeah.

I guess so.

So, if my math is right, you owe me...

two dollars each.

We owe you?

The numbers don't lie.

Dang it.

All right, listen.

I love ya, and you're family, so if you do it for nothing, we'll call it even.

Take it, take it, take it.

You got yourself a deal.

Y'all drive a hard bargain.

Now start bringing that crap outside.

Oh, my.

Yeah.

I bet he dresses down to about 6000, 7000 pounds of USDA prime.

You'd eat him?

He'd eat me.

Wow.

You're really cleaning house.

Got to get rid of the old gar-bage, make room for the new gar-bage.

This was Dad's.

You're not getting rid of this, are you?

Didn't need it when he sh*t it, didn't need it when he stuffed it, - don't need it now.

- Really?

It was his first attempt at taxidermy.

He was so proud.

If it has sentimental value to you, I'll let you have it for five dollars.

Ooh.

For this nasty thing?

Oh, you're selling his golf clubs, too?

Which one of your children do you see hanging out with Arnold Palmer in the future?

Dad's clothes, his shoes, his pipes?

Honey, it's just stuff.

I know, but still...

I get how you're feeling.

I do.

Now go away.

I got a lot of crap to sell.

All right, now, don't wander off.

Pick you up right after the lecture's over.

Bye.

You gonna be okay by yourself?

I actually prefer it.

Well, I'm leaving.

You keep saying that, but then you don't do it.

Bye.

He's so needy.

Sheldon?

- Paige?

- I'm so happy to see you.

Are you happy to see me?

Not immediately.

That's okay.

I'm happy enough for both of us.

- Rice Stadium in Houston.

- Dave Barnett and Dave Rowe.

And Baylor's bidding to go up 14 to nothing.

And if you're Rice right now, and you're in that huddle...

George?

Oh...

- Hi.

- Oh, Paige's mom.

I know.

What a nice surprise.

I just dropped Paige off at the carbon-dating lecture.

And I dropped Sheldon.

Well, how about that?

How about it.

Mind if I join you?

Sure.

So, uh, where's your...

your hubby?

- Oh, Barry?

- Barry.

Yeah.

Who cares?

That doesn't sound good.

Oh, sorry.

Just ignore me.

Okay.

Oh, hey, you want a wing?

Yeah, no, thank you.

You mind if I watch the game?

Oh, no, not at all.

Enjoy.

I'll just see what kind of pie they have.

Mm-hmm.

Well, we were here last year when Arkansas...

It's getting a little tougher to ignore you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's just...

Oh... forget it.

- Okeydoke.

- Fine, I'll tell you.

Barry and I haven't been in a good place in a long time, and I...

I think we're headed for divorce.

I'm sorry.

Uh...

I don't know what to say.

Uh, oh.

You don't have to say anything.

That I can do.

Oh.

They have cobbler.

Rupert Taylor got the block, and Charles..

All right, everybody, welcome.

Glad to see we got so many people interested in radioactive decay.

Well, hello.

- Hi.

- This is a nice surprise.

I don't usually see young people at my lectures.

I enjoyed your paper on accelerator mass spectrometry, and wanted to find out more.

Is that so?

And you?

I read this magazine.

Uh-huh.

It has puzzles, too.

Okay.

Do you want to kick this off and tell us exactly what carbon dating is?

The 5,730-year half-life of carbon 14 is used as a geochronometer.

Anything else you'd like to add?

Um...

carbon dating is how we figured out how old my grandmother is.

It was at this moment I learned I was not only brilliant; I was also hilarious.

I mean, you, of all people, would understand.

You've got a special child of your own.

I do, I do.

How do you and Mary handle the stress?

Well, we actually have a pretty good system.

Oh, please tell me.

We don't talk about it.

Not at all?

Zippo.

Boy, that doesn't sound like it could work.

Suit yourself, but I'm having a nice day.

You're crying into your peach cobbler.

For now, let's neglect changes in the isotopic ratio of the air over thousands of years.

This is pretty basic stuff.

Yes.

I'm bored.

Let's get out of here.

I can't.

I told my dad I'd stay here until the end of the lecture.

Okay.

Be a baby.

I'm leaving.

In our case, the math yields approximately 48,000 years.

I was most certainly not a baby.

If anyone was a baby, it was she, because people who call other people babies are the real babies.

Wait up.

I like it.

It likes you.

How much?

Five dollars.

I only have 50 cents.

That's okay.

We're haggling.

I don't know what that means.

You make me an offer, and we meet in the middle.

The middle of what?

I'm not really sure.

Hmm.

What are you doing?

Considering buying this jacket.

I found chewing tobacco and Juicy Fruit in the pocket.

Does that come with it, or is it extra?

Actually, that's not for sale.

Why don't you look for something else?

You sure?

There's a price tag on it.

Just take it off.

Is this some kind of bargaining technique?

Because I should warn you.

I've been to the bazaars in Istanbul, where the negotiations are fast, furious and bilingual.

Just take it off, damn it.

What just happened?

That's my dad's jacket.

Oh.

Still don't know what happened.

Do you think humans will become extinct like the dinosaurs?

Yes, but before that happens, some of us will merge with computers and become immortal cyborgs.

That's a fascinating idea.

Thank you.

Did you get that from a TV show?

No.

A comic book.

And then when Paige turned six, it was obvious she wasn't like the other kids, and she needed a school where she could excel.

- Uh-huh.

- But Barry's dental practice was 50 miles outside of Fayetteville, and do you know what's available for extraordinary children 50 miles outside of Fayetteville?

- I'm gonna guess not much.

- Nothing.

- Mm-hmm.

- So I packed us up, and I made him move to Texas where, believe it or not, people do get cavities.

I believe it.

I had a humdinger last summer.

- Face swelled up like a cantaloupe.

- And do you know he's been cool to me ever since, even though his practice is making money - hand over fist.

- Yeah, yeah.

A flag down...

And as much as he says I ignore him, he ignores me just as much.

I mean, would it k*ll him to get a babysitter every once in a while and take me to dinner, maybe a movie?

- It would not.

- Oh, darn.

You didn't see me.

Then you've got fourth down, and he throws the...

George!

Hey.

Paige's dad.

Barry.

Yeah, of course, I remember.

What are you doing here?

Uh, just, you know, Sheldon wanted to go to a science lecture.

No kidding.

We just dropped Paige off there.

You don't say.

Ooh.

Caveman stuff.

I love that.

Where are you going?

It's closed.

I can read... baby.

Just so you know, that won't work every time.

You haven't, uh, seen Linda around, have you?

Linda.

Your wife, Linda.

Yeah.

No.

So what's new?

Oh, not much.

Hey, you like football?

No.

Well, you sure?

It's a close game.

Uh, no, no, I'm, uh, more of a tennis man.

Well, those are two very different sports, aren't they?

I think you've got to go outside and rely on somebody like...

George...

can I confide in you?

This is oddly reminiscent of a dinner with my family.

You're funny.

I know.

My family never eats dinner together.

Why not?

My dad always manages to come home from work after we're done.

Hmm.

My dad never misses a meal.

Do you think Stone Age parents stayed together forever?

They had to.

There were no lawyers.

What?

That was funny.

Right, we've established I'm funny.

Well, I think my parents are getting a divorce.

Why?

They fight all the time.

- About what?

- Mostly me.

Hmm.

That's too bad.

I guess I'm lucky.

Why?

I'm the glue that holds our family together.

What are you kids doing in there?

Okay, ten cents a week for a whole year.

I get the raccoon, and to tell people you're my girlfriend.

15 cents a week, and if you say hello to me in school, I'll say hello back.

Deal.

Connie, I need to apologize.

Oh, that's okay.

Don't worry about it.

No, I am worrying about it.

I didn't realize that with you and I being in a relationship, me wearing your dead husband's clothes would be emotionally challenging for you.

All right, apology accepted.

Thank you.

Are you okay?

I guess I just didn't expect that getting rid of my...

my husband's stuff was gonna hit me so hard.

He must have been a wonderful man.

Well, he had his moments.

He was married to a wonderful woman, so that says a lot.

You're pretty wonderful yourself.

Thank you.

Now, let's talk about this hula girl lamp.

What's your best price?

It's my gift to you.

Nice haggle.

Nice mullet.

Thanks again.

Real sorry about this.

What were you thinking?

I got bored.

'Cause you're a baby.

What happened?

Everything's fine.

They just wandered off.

Hey, Linda, nice to see you.

George, Sheldon's dad.

Oh, sure, yes.

Hi.

Well, good to see you folks.

Take care.

Did you know that her parents are getting a divorce?

Just keep walking.

Keep walking.

What...

what is that for?

Well, can't I appreciate my wife?

What did you do now?

I didn't do anything.

Want to hear something cool?

Sheldon skipped out of that lecture with that little Paige girl, snuck into a closed exhibit.

- You're kidding.

- True.

Even got, uh, "arrested" by the museum security cops.

Why would you think that's cool?

Sheldon got into trouble with a girl!

I'm bursting with pride.

You know what?

I don't want to talk about it.

There, right there.

That's why I love you.

You gonna eat your beans?

Yeah, I'm gonna eat my beans.

Duh.

What about your tots?

- Those, too.

- Georgie!

Just eat your own dinner.

Dad?

Can't have my tots, either!