07x12 - Don't Lie to Me

[bunniefuu]

Hey, you still mad at me about the Christmas party?

No, I'm just starting to realize you might never be the man I'd dreamed you'd be.

That's the spirit, lower your expectations.

Well, I have one last wedding thing to return, and once this is done, the only thing I'll have left to remind me we almost got married will be you.

Oh...

Well, I wish Eric had shown up for your wedding.

The sales lady said my mother-of-the-groom dress took five pounds off me.

Five pounds.

Okay, what happened to my nice breakfast?

I thought we were done with this whole wedding deal.

Women are never done with it, son.

Anything wrong you do, they sit on it for 25 years like an egg.

And then it hatches on Super Bowl Sunday.

Oh, man, I can't believe I have to take these shoes back to Wanamaker Bridal.

Now I have to tell that snot, Stacy Wanamaker, that I didn't get married.

Oh, wait, Donna, I'll take them back for you.

I've always wanted to meet Stacy Wanamaker.

I mean, she's everything I've ever wanted to be, gorgeous, popular, which, of course, I already am, but she's also married.

And to a guy who owns a real estate company that puts her face on his signs.

Oh, she's like a Kennedy.

Yeah, Stacy Wanamaker was a high school legend.

All the guys would say, "I do wanna make her."

I always wish I had a name that could be done, too.

Jackie has a nice rackie?

I like Jackie on her backie?

Oh...

Thanks, you guys.

Well, thanks for dinner.

Thanks for dessert.

Thanks for breakfast.

Thanks for dessert.

Congratulations, Angie.

You just got four different kinds of herpes.

Hey, Hyde, I just learned something very important.

You know that saying, "It's like kissing your sister"?

Well, it's totally wrong 'cause kissing your sister is great.

Oh, oh, there's Stacy Wanamaker.

Hi. Um, I'm here to return these shoes.

Name? Donna Pinciotti.

Good heavens, these are for a giant.

Were they too big?

Oh, no, no. The wedding was canceled.

Yeah, the groom said "I don't."

Oh, Donna, how awful.

What? Oh, no, no...

I just know how complete being married has made me, and I always feel so sad when I see girls your age, whose window to find that kind of happiness is so, so small.

It is not that small.

Honey, I've seen a lot of girls like you who wasted years on a guy who never came through, and before you know it, you're past your expiration date.

Well, that is not gonna happen to me because I'm still getting married.

Yeah, see, I canceled the other wedding 'cause I traded in up.

Him. Who?

You. What?

Yes.

Uh, this is Eduardo, and he's, um...

A prince.

He's the prince of Mexico.

Well, then we are going to make your wedding the best wedding ever, right, Donna?

Donna?

Apparently, that's you.

Oh, yes. What? Yes.

You just have to come to the big wedding expo this weekend.

Oh, well, that sounds great.

Eduardo and I would love to be there.

Right, Eduardo?

Just a few weeks left to stretch those wings, huh, toots?

Eduardo!

What? Oh, yes, my bride. Yes.

j& Hanging out j& Down the street

j& The same old thing j& We did last week j& Not a thing to do j& But talk to you j& We're all all right j& We're all all right Hello, Wisconsin!

Hey. Oh, uh, Hyde, Angie can't make it to the movie with you because, uh...

Well, I plumb wore her out.

Kelso, Jackie and I are fighting right now, and I'm in a really bad mood.

So if you don't stop nailing my sister, I'm gonna have to smack you in the head with my car.

Actually, you can't do anything to me, because after you stole Jackie from me, we made a pact not to interfere with each other's pursuit of a chick.

I negotiated the pact, which mainly consisted of Kelso telling me to tell Hyde to sit on it.

How come you guys always have pacts?

You never give me a pact.

I want a pact.

Well, I would love to stick around and chat, but I gotta go home and take a shower

'cause Hyde's sister wears a lot of perfume, and she was all over me.

Freaking pact.

You know, Hyde, this doesn't have to be a problem.

I happen to know a lot of ways out of a pact, my friend.

That's true.

We once had a pact to get married, but then he just didn't show up.

So you think you can get her to break up with him?

Maybe.

But that would require you and I going into business together, i.e., forming a pact.

Which would mean you gotta do something for me.

I don't think so, man.

This is a starter pact.

You handle this, you get a big-boy pact.

I don't know, Eric, the starter pact.

I mean, that sounds a lot like training wheels, and you were on those for a really long time.

Stacy, hi.

Donna, welcome.

Here is your bride-to-be sash.

And a tiara.

Can I get a sash?

What do you do with a sash?

I don't care. I want a sash.

Welcome to the beginning of a whole new life.

Wow, this really is a whole new life.

Oh, did you get some champagne, too?

Oh, I can't. I'm six months pregnant.

Can't you tell? I'm huge.

She's perfect.

Now, Eduardo, you'll have no say in any of the decisions about your wedding, so go sit in the grooms' lounge.

Oh, goody, new friends.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh, perfect, everyone's here.

Wow, look at all of us just "pact" right in here, huh?

Mom, Dad, you remember Angie.

Of course they remember me.

I'm the only black girl in town. Hello.

Funny thing about Angie, she dates Kelso.

Oh, honey. Tough break.

So, anyone have any stories about Angie's new boyfriend and some of his crazy antics?

What do you want? I got one with water, one with fire, one where he b*rned himself under water.

Oh, okay, I got a good one.

Michael, what are you doing with my blender?

Don't worry, it's not what you think.

I'm making a blender rocket.

I couldn't have daiquiris for a week.

I've got a better one.

Kelso, it's 6:00 in the morning.

Someone glue you to the fridge?

No.

Kelso, did you glue yourself to the fridge?

Yes.

Thanks, man.

Why does he glue himself to stuff?

Because he's a big dumb-dumb.

Next.

Okay, I got one.

Donna, check it out.

I invented car skiing.

Hit it, toots.

You know, if there's anything he should have glued himself to, it was probably the top of that car.

Steven, why are you doing this?

Doing what? Forman's doing it.

Clearly, you're in charge.

Whoa. It's my pact, I...

Why wouldn't you think I'm in charge?

Oh, it's probably because of your narrow shoulders, honey.

They just don't shout "leader," you know.

Oh, and Jim raises a lipstick.

Pretty confident, huh, Jim?

That's right, I am all in.

Okay, read 'em and weep.

Two, four, six, eight, ten.

All evens.

Stacy, this is so much fun.

You know, I never thought I'd end up here.

Steven never once discussed marriage.

Steven?

My butler, he is so uppity.

Eduardo, where's my purse?

I was mugged.

Donna, come to my cousin's wedding this weekend and check out her band.

All right, we'll be there.

No, we won't, Donna.

It's insane.

Excuse me, my fiancee told me I have to give this back.

Angie just broke up with me.

No.

I don't know what happened.

She just dumped me, like, out of nowhere, and I was gonna take her car skiing.

I need a hug from your mother.

Take off the training wheels, buddy, 'cause it looks like somebody's ready for his big-boy pact.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pull Kelso off my mother.

Jackie, we're not really going to this wedding, are we?

I have to, Fez. It feels so good to be a fiancee.

But you're not a fiancee.

You're a super cute high school girl that I've been spying on through a window for three-and-a-half years.

Isn't that enough?

Hey, what's up?

Nothing.

Usually when I ask that question, you don't stop talking till I pretend to fall asleep.

Ah, well, not today.

You look guilty.

What did you do? Fez, what did she do?

Oh, I wasn't listening.

I was thinking about this prince named Eduardo and his lunatic queen.

Seriously, Steven, everything's fine.

All right, but I'm telling you, there's gonna be hell to pay if you've donated all my clothes to the Goodwill again.

Now we're lying to Hyde.

This is messed up, woman.

Fez, I know it's a little crazy, but what if this is all I get?

I mean, what if Steven never wants to settle down?

What if I never get a real wedding or real happiness or real anything?

What if I'm just living in my pink bedroom alone forever?

Fine, I'll go.

But please remember, you're never alone in there.

I called Angie, like, 20 times, and she won't even answer the phone.

Wow, I guess something really turned her off.

Something incredibly powerful.

All right.

So I've narrowed it down to two reasons why Angie might have broken up with me.

She's either a lesbian or a robot.

Come on, man, it's just a girl. You'll get over it.

Hey, do something for you.

Take up smoking.

I don't wanna get over it. I just want Angie back. I'm going home.

Wow, he really liked her.

I feel like I kicked a puppy.

Well, this is what happens when you get into a pact with Eric Forman, complete and utter devastation.

What?

So, Fez, what do you think? Do you like my dress?

Yeah, it's okay, but you know what would be more appropriate?

A straitjacket.

Because you're a Looney Tune.

But, Fez... I said cuckoo!

Donna, Eduardo, I want you to meet my cousin, Janie.

Hi. Hi.

It is so nice to see two people declare their love in such an expensive way.

So, Janie, you are looking good.

What are you doing later?

Um, going on my honeymoon.

You play hard-to-get.

I play hard-to-get-rid-of.

FYI. For your wedding, Donna, tables one and two, where we are sitting, are the popular tables.

Tables five and up are for friends you have to invite and relatives who drive trucks.

We are gonna get caught.

Oh, no, we're not, Fez, okay?

No one knows us here. We'll be fine. Come on.

I can't believe they put us at table seven.

I went to high school with the bride's mother.

That's it, I'm milking the open bar as punishment.

Well, hell, we could have stayed home for that.

Hey, Donna, I'm not wearing any underwear under this.

Does that... Does that turn you on?

No, that only works when I do it.

Ooh.

Well, sucks to be the next guy to rent this tux, huh?

All right, Angie, here's the deal.

I did want everybody to tell you those stories about Kelso, and that was wrong, 'cause he really likes you, so you have to take him back.

Steven, this is so unlike you.

Well, a friend of mine sent me a really big baggie from Hawaii.

So I'm gonna be saying all sorts of crazy stuff over the next couple of weeks.

Well, I didn't break up with Michael because of the stories.

I broke up with him because I saw it was bothering you, and we have a business to run.

Look, just do me a favor and take him back.

I'll think about it.

Oh, man, Hyde, it is not easy doing it on your desk.

Okay, so I may have already thought about it.

He's so good-looking.

Crap, it's Stacy Wanamaker.

Damn, I do wanna make her...

Uh, go to beauty school 'cause she's ugly.

You look familiar. Do I know you?

Um, yeah, hi. I'm Donna Pinciotti.

Donna.

Donna, she says she's Donna.

Donna! Donna!

Donna! Donna!

Eduardo.

No, she's Donna.

Why would you lie?

Are you even engaged?

Well, I can't believe a prince was taken in by a common liar.

Hey. Hey, how was the wedding?

Well, the service was beautiful, the flowers were gorgeous, and your girlfriend was a humiliating wackadoo.

Jackie was there?

Are we still walking from the car?

This is taking forever.

Hey. Hey.

I thought you'd be on a plane back to Prince Eduardo Land by now.

Donna's mouth is as big as her feet.

Jackie, what the hell were you thinking?

Look, Steven, I know it's a crazy thing to do. It's just...

I wanted to know what it was like to be planning a life and a wedding and everything.

I mean, that's all I've ever wanted.

And I was starting to think it was never gonna happen with you.

My God, are we back on this again?

Why can't you just be happy with what we've got?

Because I'm not, Steven.

Okay, look, I need to know that we have a future together.

Can't you just give me some kind of sign or just a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe some day we'll get married?

Jackie, I don't know.

My God, that's all you ever say.

Please, Steven, please just say anything besides "I don't know." Anything else.

I don't know. Okay.

Well, then I can't be with you anymore.

Jackie, don't thr*aten me, okay? It's not gonna work.

I'm not threatening you, Steven.

I can't waste any more of my time on you if it's not gonna happen for us.

Okay, well, at least now I know.

Janie.

Janie?

Has anyone seen the bride? The limo's waiting and the groom's gonna pass out any second.

Janie?

Janie, what are you doing?

What are you doing? Have a little respect for the bride.

Unless you wanna join us. Yes? No?