The park was such a blast.
But I had no idea he was so scared of puppies.
Oh, he usually loves them.
Oh, I wasn't talking about Sam.
That was not a puppy.
It was a full-grown dachshund.
And it came at me like a rapid m*ssile.
I heard when you're being att*cked by a tiny gay dog,
you're supposed to pull its sweater over
its head and hockey fight it.
Sam was so happy this morning,
I decided I'm definitely moving here.
You know, it's only minutes from work,
it makes it so much easier for me
to see more of him, you know?
I think that's great, J.D.
This feels right.
Still, sometimes when you make big decisions,
life starts going so fast that it seems
like you're not even moving throught it.
It just happens to you.
Like that, I found a new place,
furnished it,
and after work, i got in my car
and made the minute drive
to my new home.
Hey baby, check out my new badge.
"Christopher Turk, Chief of Surgery."
I am so proud of you!
Guys, check out the on-call room walk of shame.
What were you two doing in there?
- Nothing. I was taking a nap.
- Just preparing for the day, really.
Derek, you can't do that
before a full day of surgery.
Booty weakens the core muscle, you know?
These get sore.
I think I'm pretty good.
Let's go get you some coffee.
Nice pull, Denise.
That kid is so fine, he's actually made
a couple of guest appearances up in here.
Me, too.
I've got this one scenario, where he and I
are walking down a dark alley,
and J.D. is a mugger who jumps out with a Kn*fe.
Derek used to be the mugger, but then I thought
that was a little racially insensitive.
Anyway, there's a scuffle.
I wind up with the Kn*fe.
So at first, I force them both to pleasure me.
But then it takes a left turn
and I go on a k*lling spree.
Eh, I know it's a little weird, but we all have
our little tricks to help us climax, right?
Elliot Reid - two years therapy-free!
I don't need it anymore.
I don't know why I keep jumping into bed with him.
My confidence is sh*t from screwing up
that spinal tap last week,
and then yesterday,
I misdiagnosed an ectopic pregnancy.
Maybe I wanted to do something I knew I could do right,
like banging a dude.
I'm a giant ho-bag.
No, no, you are not!
So, is Derek a good guy?
Derek? I thought it was "Eric".
Hey, you coming up to the third floor today?
No, I am not cleaning the third floor this month.
I'm sending a message:
You steal a man's sandwich off his cart,
you stew in your own filth.
Sweetie, I took that sandwich.
Well, I can't change my mind now.
I'll look like a flip-flopper.
Listen, my sister Amy's son
is having a tough time at school,
and since his dad is out of the picture,
I thought maybe you could sit down and talk to him.
Amy, who gave us a doily for our wedding,
wants me to save her boy?
- Please?
- That seems fair.
- So, Ian ...
- It's Ethan.
Whatever. Your mom says you're having
a rough time in school?
Liam stole my backpack. I wanna hit him.
No, no, we don't hit. Never.
You hit somebody, and the anger's gone,
and it's all over.
No, the goal should be
to keep that anger inside you, growing,
like a anger baby.
You got to get inside Liam's head, right?
You got to find out Liam's weaknesses.
Like, uh, is he afraid of the dark?
Does he have any food allergies?
How's he do if he's left out on open water?
Does he have a pet?
Could that pet be convinced to betray him?
Would you be willing to get plastic surgery
to further your goals?
Would you change the location of your eyes -
to here?
That's the level of commitment I'm looking for.
Or maybe I'm just wasting my time.
Are you on dr*gs?
Are you?
Now that I lived here,
when Kim and I had to make a Sam exchange
I just zipped over to St. Vincent's.
Hey J.D., since you're coming around my hospital
a lot more often now,
I was hoping maybe you could dress a little nicer.
And maybe say "Smell you later" a little less often,
or just stop completely.
- Are you sure? It's hilarious.
- It's not.
Hey, calm down, gramps!
Now you're screaming at my Chief of Medicine.
Sorry, Dr. Mantoots.
Don't laugh.
- His name is "Mantoots"?
- Yes, I know, I know.
Stop laughing.
Tell them.
This was gonna be hard.
I got a job at St. Vincent's.
I'm leaving Sacred Heart at the end of the month.
What? How?
Well, I was apologizing to Kim's Chief of Medicine,
Dr. Mantoots ...
Mantoots.
Anyway, Mantoots and I ended up hitting it off,
and he actually offered me their Residency Director job.
It pays a little bit more money,
and I'm really liking being closer to Sam,
so ... I took it.
As I scanned across their faces,
it felt amazing to see
how everyone truly felt about me.
- Why are you stretching?
- Because, Barbie,
I'm just so very happy,
that I'm gonna try something
I haven't done since High School.
Backflip!
Did I stick it, you guys?
No, you did not.
It was worth it.
So, with the new job, do you think
you'll be able to keep the romance going?
- I don't think it should be that hard.
- I was talking to them.
Hilarious.
You mean to tell me you're interested
in Newbie that way, too?
Seriously, are you two gonna be okay?
I mean, you lived together in college,
and med school, out here.
I mean, you guys are inseparable.
It's not a big deal. I'm sure
it's gonna suck not working together,
but we'll see each other all the time.
- We're only minutes away!
- , if I don't stop at the blueberry stand.
- Yeah, but if I'm with you,
we're stopping for blueberries.
- Hell yeah, we are.
I'm just saying, the only time you two
haven't been together was our honeymoon.
- What?
- It's time.
Fine. Honey,
J.D. and I were together
during our honeymoon.
He flew in and stayed
in the bungalow by the pool.
He forgot his favorite lotion.
Am I supposed to let him get ashy?
We only hung out together when you were sleeping
or when I said I was going to get a massage.
Well, sometimes you were.
Smell you later.
That is hilarious!
I know. You know, some people don't think so?
So, how's Mrs. Gallin doing after her surgery?
Incision's clean, she's afebrile
and her vital signs are stable.
Time to put on my Cheery Patient Face.
There it is.
I'm Dr. Reid.
I've never actually had a chance to work with you before.
- Are you enjoying it here?
- Oh God, no. Are you?
Not ever. I like you.
I like her.
Something's wrong here.
So anyway, I start at St. Vincent's
at the end of the month.
What are you doing with Vincent? I wasn't listening.
- Never mind.
- Vincent's my hairdresser.
Well, it's good to be near your son.
I still toy with the idea of moving up to Seattle
to be closer to Harrison's bordello.
Harrison has dropped all pretense.
He's a manwhore now.
Oh, there's good money in that,
especially if you do the naughty stuff.
- Give my love to Vincent.
- Oh, I will.
- Hey, weirdo!
- Yes?
You must be excited
that your little nemesis is going.
No, I'm not. I finally have my life in order.
I've got my wife, I've got my Brain Trust,
and I finally tricked Johan in the gift shop
into accepting my new fake currency.
Then Dorian comes along and upsets the status quo.
I will bet you five bendels
that other people follow suit.
Change begets change begets change.
- You just gave me a great idea.
- Hit me.
From now on, anytime someone's really boring me,
- I'm just gonna get up and leave.
- I don't like it.
Well, Jordan, I think ...
Well played.
I think she's bleeding internally.
You two stay with the patient.
Barbie and I are going to figure out
what the hell happened.
Derek, I need you to do a head-to-toe
CT scan on Mrs. Gallin, stat.
- I'm on it.
- "Stat"?
You don't talk like that.
Is that a new Chief of Surgery word?
- J.D., stop it.
- Should I stop it, stat?
- Seriously.
- Seriously, stat?
- Everything is stat! Stat, stat, stat. Stat!
- Are you done?
I'm done. Stat.
Your young Denise gave Mrs. Gallin
a full post-op dose of heparin.
That's why she's bleeding.
Time to play "Crush the Intern".
Well, let's give Denise a break on this one.
She's having a bit of a self-confidence crisis.
Will you do me a personal favor
and cover my patients?
Because I'm gonna bake her some cookies.
Just let me handle Denise, okay?
Think of all the time you'll have to go
be a jackass to other people.
Fair enought. But she doesn't get to skate.
A mistake was made. Someone has to go
face the patient and take the blame.
Fine.
Okay, since we're both going the same way,
would you mind dropping back a few steps
so we don't have to walk together?
Glad to.
Thanks for having us over for dinner last night.
Oh, hey, next time you guys do a couples thing,
I'll tag in.
Are you seeing someone, Todd?
Actually, I'm getting pretty serious
with the Hendersons.
Oh, good. They're nice.
Yeah, they are.
We should go, Gooch.
The men have their Brain Club meeting.
It's Brain Trust, hon.
Trust - told you times.
Whatever.
Let's call this meeting to order.
Since I didn't like the way that
Doug said "here" during roll call yesterday,
he has been replaced,
by Jimmy the overly touchy orderly.
Can I make a motion
that we have to keep our hands to ourselves?
All in favor of hands to yourself?
All opposed?
And since we all know that these votes
are largely ceremonial, the motion passes.
Jimmy, hands to yourself.
Okay, any announcements?
The Gooch and I are having a great time,
and I know it's quick,
but we're moving in together.
The answer's no.
It wasn't really a question.
I feel like my hands are gonna explode.
Motion to help out a friend.
No. Jimmy, use the table.
- It's firm.
- It's a table.
You can't make a life decision like this, okay?
It hasn't even gone through subcommittee.
Look, Ted ...
Personal sidebar.
Look, Ted ...
Stephanie is great.
And I know the idea of change
is very exciting for some people.
But just slow it down.
No moving in together, okay?
- All right.
- Okay.
Should we end the personal sidebar?
You know, sometimes you think
I'm kind of a strange dude,
and then you come across something likes this.
- I think we should open her up and locate the bleeding.
- Typical surgeon.
I think we should reverse the anticoagulants
and monitor her.
Well, as chief, I think it's very ...
Did you just start a sentence with "as chief"?
Dude, don't do that with me.
As chief, I can start anything with "as chief".
Check it. As chief, I'm way more handsome than you.
Actually, that's not a perfect example,
because it was true before I was chief.
So, as chief, I'm sorry.
You know what? The decision does not need
to be made until tomorrow morning,
so can we agree to talk about it then?
Fine.
Okay. Besides, didn't Carla say
you could come see my new place?
Dude, you said this place was minutes away.
We've been driving for an hour.
What do you want? There was traffic.
How do you think farmer Hewitt gets
these blueberries to taste so sweet?
I don't know. He says he uses a special manure
that his son helps him make.
I didn't really want to know more.
They say ignorance is bliss.
The problem is, it's only a matter of time
before the smile gets wiped off your face.
Sometimes because the wrong person
is taking the blame.
Mrs. Gallin, it's my fault that this happened,
and I'm very sorry.
It- it's okay.
Sometimes because your friend ignored you.
Oh my God! I can't believe
we're moving in together!
Believe it, Gooch!
Still, not even the three hours
I spent last night vomitting blueberries
could take my smile away.
- Where is Mrs. Gallin?
- In surgery.
What the hell? I thought we agreed to talk about it.
We did.
But then I made the call - you know, as chief.
When I walk by in a huff, you better look.
- I ain't lookin'.
- You will look at my huff walk!
- No!
I said the other blonde stick
had to take the blame for Mrs. Gallin.
No, you said "someone" had to.
"Someone" did,
and Mrs. Gallin accepted my apology,
so we are coolio.
Oh, man, is that your betrayal stare?
Let it burn.
Oh, it's burning!
You know, you're making this difficult.
Seriously?
It says I'm ready for anything.
Look, I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones
or whatever, but I need you right now.
- Need me for what?
- "Need you" need you.
Lose the pants.
Done.
Occupied!
No. This was the plan.
- You need to talk.
- Aw, man!
- Why'd you tell me to take my pants off then?
- Sorry. I got caught up in it.
- You got caught up in it, too, right?
- Oh, you need me to say yes, don't you?
- I got so caught up in it.
- I know. I know you did.
Now talk.
- Man, put your pants back on!
- I'm not ready yet.
Did Dr. Reid get a chance
to talk to you about Mrs. Gallin?
Yeah, she explained my mistake
and she told me it was a pretty common one.
Did she also get a chance to tell you
that we're passing out the World's Worst Doctor Awards
and that you're a finalist?
- You don't have to be such a jerk about it.
- Oh, thanks.
Your tiny surgeon brain may now go back
to its regularly scheduled programming.
He's not gonna stop until you go.
Look, I know I messed up. Dr. Reid just told me
not to sweat it too much since I'm so hard on myself.
See, as you almost k*lled someone,
if you do feel the urge to "sweat it",
you go ahead an jump on that.
You damn sure earned it.
I just bought this yogurt, and for change,
they gave me this thing
that said "three bendels" on it.
That's worth about cents.
Hey, sweat stain! How's it goin' with your girlfriend,
now that you guys are roomies?
Oh, we're having sex, like, all the time.
Why do people react like that
when they picture me having sex?
You try it!
- Oh, God!
- Not a pretty sight, is it?
Still, Ted made me think.
Maybe J.D. an I should just go for it
and move in together, you know?
And change begets more change.
I've been missing being a doctor so much,
I've been thinking about working locum tenens -
you know, temporary family practice stuff.
More change.
You're going back to work?
With a second baby, I don't think
I can be a nurse full-time.
More change.
Do you think it would drive Perry crazy
if I adopted a couple of Asian kids?
OK, that's it.
- Nobody move!
- Excuse me.
Okay, yes, she can move, but that's
'cause she asked permission earlier.
- When?
- It was before you all got here.
She- I- I said I might say "nobody move",
and if so, you better not move,
and she said "Yeah, but I gotta move just-
just over there. I'm still listening."
I said, "Oh, that's cool, 'cause we're
good friends. I'll see you later."
She said, "Yeah, definitely. Let's do something fun."
What do you want?
I want you to stop changing your lives, okay?
We've been conditioned to think
that change is good and exciting.
Well, what if it's not?
What if it's actually bad and very, very dangerous
Hey, noboday move! Nobody mo-
You can move. No one cares about you.
Honey, how would you feel about my sister
and her son living with us for a while?
Outstanding.
- Why are we fighting?
- I don't know.
I can't believe you're leaving.
I know.
I'm the new Chief of Surgery, you know,
and you're Dr. Cox's number two guy.
I thought eventually we'd be running
this place together.
How cool would that be?
I love how you two have kept everything
in the hospital the same -
except for the free pudding.
Sorry baby, but the free pudding's for us.
Turk, you made a mess.
Let him out!
Janitor eat?
Janitor clean.
Janitor only clean.
Eat?
Clean?
Pretty awesome.
- What is your problem?
- I'm glad you asked.
Because it seems no matter where I go in this dump,
this unbelievably annoying doctor,
Elliot "Somebody",
keeps coming up to me and talking to me ...
Why would you torch Denise?
You know her confidence is sh*t.
Plus, the other day, you even said you liked her,
and I know that you were just kidding around,
but you never said you liked me,
even as a joke.
- I like you.
- Really?
- No.
- Nicely done.
- Thank you.
You know what I don't get?
You've alway protected the interns.
I mean, you've alway been their teacher first.
Why in God's name should I waste my time and energy
whipping some intern into shape
when I know damn sure that as soon
he gets the first opportunity,
he is just gonna blow right out of this dump?
Oh, "he's ..."
Okay, now I get it.
Why don't you just tell him that you're sad
that he's leaving, like a normal human being?
What are you talking about?
Come on, Perry.
We both know who you're really mad at.
So I'll work somewhere else.
We'll still hang.
J.D., that's not a minute drive.
It's an hour and minute drive, round-trip.
And I got a wife,
I got a kid,
I got a kid on the way,
I got a new job ...
I'm in the same boat.
It's a good boat to be in, though, right?
So we'll see each other when we can.
How about tonight?
We'll act sulky
so the girls think we need to talk more.
I'm in.
I'm gonna miss your skinny white butt.
I'm gonna miss your perfect round one.
You wanna pull your pants up first?
I'm still not ready.
Guys, you know the rules.
If you're gonna hook up in here, put a sock on the door.
Come on.
I know a secret place.
Remember when you were a kid and your family moved
and how you always wanted someone to blame
for all those big changes?
- You're still working here for a few more weeks, right?
- Yep.
I'm gonna make 'em special!
Luckily, most of us finde the courage
to tell friends that we'll miss them.
Good night, Dr. Cox.
Or not.
Still, what I remember most
is that leaving parts of my life behind
alway ended up hurting more than I thought.
No, Turk. Don't sweat it, man.
If Izzy's alone,
you can't leave her.
Hmm, I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
We'll just hang out another time.
All right, man. Right.
He can't make it?
The ukulele makes me horny.