01x19 - Kid Gloves

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

"The following is a list...

"of exciting
extracurricular activities...

"offered to you,
the student...

"by your Philadelphia
Board of Education.

"Each student shall select
one exciting activity...

"Vocabulary Club"...

Too exciting.

Mr. Matthews, please.

It wasn't me, it was Shawn.

Same thing.

All right, "Debate Team...

"Scuba Club...

"Upholstery Squad."

Scuba Club?

Underwater adventure.

- I'm in.
- Me, too.

Well, I for one plan
to stimulate my intellect...

and will therefore choose
between the Vocabulary Club...

and the Debate Team.

I would enjoy communing
with the creatures of the sea.

I choose scuba.

Slap me in a wet suit
and throw me overboard.

Can anyone tell me
what the acronym SCUBA is?

Mr. Matthews?

Duba?

Scuba duba.

Mr. Matthews,
I have obviously failed you...

on so many levels.

An acronym is
a pronounceable formation...

made by a combination
of letters.

I told you.

So, now, can anyone tell me
what SCUBA stands for?

Come on.
Someone take a s*ab at it.

Mr. Hunter, you haven't spoken
since the fourth grade.

S-c-u-b-a.
What does it stand for?

Something's... creepy...

under... boat... Andy.

Mr. Matthews
was closer with duba.

Very well.
Take it away, Mr. Minkus.

No.

I beg your pardon?

I don't want to know everything.

I Want to fit in.

I want to be
one of the normal stupid guys.

I'm going with duba.

All right.

Mr. Minkus
obviously does not know.

Self-Contained Underwater
Breathing Apparatus.

Thank you.

I hate myself.

You're not alone.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, Cory,
you got a box on your face.

Hey. Get up.

Somebody just
put a box on your face.

Cory, don't wake up!

There's no box on your face!

Huh? You lie.
There is a box on my face.

What do you think it is?

I bet I know.

"For my little boy...

"who is about to become
a little man.

"Happy birthday. Love, Dad."

It's not a buck Kn*fe.

No, it's not.

You got a buck Kn*fe.
I got a necklace.

Well, it's because
Dad doesn't like you...

and wants you to leave.

But this is my
"becoming a man" gift from Dad.

I feel very bad for me.

Yeah, well,
get over it because, to Dad...

somehow these little trinkets
are important.

You mean,
I've got to act grateful?

That's right,
and you got to wear this sucker.

For how long?

Well, Dad's still
a relatively young man.

What am I going to do?

I'd say your only way
out of this one...

is to get married,
have kids, and pass it on.

I'm just going to pretend
I never found it.

It was on your face.

I'm sorry, honey, but today
our son's going to love me...

just a little bit more
than he loves you.

Well, one day a year,
I think I can handle it.

Yeah, it's not every day...

that a son gets
his father's silver gloves.

You know, considering...

how many punches
you took to this face...

you don't look too shabby.

- Mom, I'm late! Did you sign...
- Yes, your permission slip.

You gonna listen to everything
your scuba instructor tells you?

- Yeah, yeah.
- No goofing around with Shawn?

No, no.

How long after eating
before going in that water?

Mom! Whatever answer
gets me in the pool.

- Thirty minutes.
- Half an hour.

- Deal.
- Hi, son.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Yeah, thanks for
the little silver mittens.

They really mean a lot to me.

Really. Bye.

Well, that's oK
if he didn't like it.

You know, it's not like
I gave it to him...

to get one
of those Kodak moments.

I feel very bad.

Alan, love of my life...

did you by any chance
explain to Cory...

the meaning
of those silver gloves?

Not yet.

Well, then how's he supposed
to know they're important?

I put them on his face.

Alan, Cory has no idea
that you even won those gloves.

Hi. What's on my face?

Nothing.

And what are we
going to do about that?

Morgan.

Cory present, Morgan present.

Let's go. I'll act surprised.

Morgan, honey, remember
how you're no longer a baby?

Uh-huh. I'm Mommy
and Daddy's big girl.

That's right, and now
that you're a big girl...

it's not hard
for you to understand...

that you don't
have to get a present...

every time
it's somebody else's birthday.

But you always used
to give me presents...

on Cory and Eric's birthdays.

That's because we didn't
want you to feel bad, sweetie.

Well, I feel bad now.

Don't you cave in on me, mister.

Oh, come on.

Let me buy her love
while I can still afford it.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Luke, I am your father.

What's that for,
seeing out of submarines?

For breathing.
Didn't you ever go snorkeling?

No, never. Did you?

Sure, in my bathtub.

You can totally see things
growing down there.

You know, I was meant for
this underwater life...

because I am...

Scuba Boy!

What?

Man, Cory, you're the whitest
white boy I have ever seen.

Oh, yeah?
Let's see what you got.

Think I'm afraid
to take my shirt off?

That's what I'm thinking.

I got nothing to hide.

I'm thinking that, too.

Yeah, well, let me warn you.

I've been working out.

I have pumped... me up.

How come you're wearing a shirt?

Well, because otherwise...

I look like you.

It's not very evolved
to ridicule the human form.

Each of our bodies...

is the master creation
of Mother Nature.

Well, except for Minkus.

He was created by Mother Goose.

Anybody ready for a dip?

Yep, and here he comes.

Minkus, you look like
a stick of Juicy Fruit.

You wearing a wet suit, too,
Mother Nature?

No.

What's the matter?
No funny remarks?

Uh, you got anything?

I got nothing.

Uh, you got anything?

Snap out of it.

She's just a girl
in a bathing suit.

Insult her.

No. From now on,
I'm gonna be insulting you.

- Topanga?
- Yes, Stuart?

You're beautiful.

That's very sweet, Stuart.
My superficial side thanks you.

What is Minkus doing?

I don't know, but
he's doing it better than us.

Hey, what's with the necklace?

Oh, my dad gave it to me.

It's one of
those really important...

father-son gifts that
you don't understand what it is.

Been there.
My dad once gave me...

a gold-plated
tire pressure gauge...

he won at the company
bowling tournament.

Try getting psyched over that.

I wonder what happens
when I pull this.

[HISSING]

Now I know.

Have you taken leave of
your senses?

You can endanger the safety
of yourself and others.

No touching the equipment
until the dive master gets here.

Yeah, who is
this dive master anyway?

I don't care who it is,
as long as it gets us...

out of school, underwater,
and away from Feeny.

Good afternoon, fellow divers.

BOTH: Aah!

Yes, Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hunter...

I'm a certified dive master
and have been for years.

OK, I'm thinking
Upholstery Club.

Now, the first rule of diving
is never dive alone.

Therefore,
I would like each of you...

to select a partner
to be your diving buddy.

- Buddy?
- Buddy.

- Buddy?
- oK.

Oh, how cute.

It's the Little Mermaid
and Aqua Nerd.

Now, one of our first drills
will be buddy breathing...

where you
share your regulator...

and breathe through
the same mouthpiece.

B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b.

B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b.

Did you brush
your teeth this morning?

I'm not sure. What day is it?

No, of course
I know your name is Donna.

Vicky's just a little pet name
I like to use.

You know,
like honey, darling, Vicky.

You're going to hang up
on me now, aren't you?

Yes, you are. oK.

Hey, how come
you're not wearing...

the little silver mittens
Dad gave you?

What?

I must have left them
at the pool.

No big deal. I'll buy him
another pair tomorrow.

Eric, scuba is so cool.

Look. I stayed under the water
for minutes.

Your fingers
look like Grandma's neck.

Hey, guys.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Dad.

Cory,
it occurred to me today...

that I never
really explained to you...

about that gift
I gave you this morning.

It's oK, Dad.

A gift like that
doesn't really need explaining.

No, well,
I explained to Eric...

about Grandpa's buck Kn*fe
after I gave it to him.

Have I told you lately
how much I love that Kn*fe, Dad?

You know, in the Navy,
I was on the boxing team.

- Really?
- Yeah, I wasn't half bad either.

You used to get in the ring
and duke it out with other guys?

What does this have to do
with the silver mittens?

They're not silver mittens.
They're silver gloves.

I won them
for coming in second place.

Is second place that good?

There's only two guys
in the ring.

Not second place
in one boxing match.

Second in
my weight division...

in the entire
United States Navy.

What?

Yeah.
That's why I'm so proud...

of those
little silver gloves.

So, who'd you lose to, Dad?

The baddest, meanest,
ugliest guy in the Navy.

I fought him
in the championship fight.

Did you hear that, Cor?
The championship.

- I heard.
- This was a brutal fight.

- Was there blood?
- oh, buckets.

Buckets!

See, the funny thing is,
I thought it was his blood.

I thought I had the fight won...

till the referee
held up the other guy's arm.

See, my eye was kind of
hanging out of its socket.

Which I should have realized
because I was looking...

at his head and his shoes
at the same time.

Boy, Dad, you really must have
fought your heart out...

to win
those little silver gloves.

Yeah, so I lost
a little depth perception.

But to tell you the truth,
Cor...

as good as it was
to win those silver gloves...

what was great was hoping...

that someday I'd have a son
to pass them on to.

And did you?

Yes, I did, huh?

I thought
you guys'd just like...

to hear about it,
so I'll see you at dinner.

See you, Dad.

No, they're not mittens
on a chain, oK?

They happen to be
the silver boxing gloves...

of the second best boxer in
the whole United States Navy.

Yeah. Yeah... oK, thanks.

They're not at
the comic book store either?

No. They're nowhere
in the whole world.

But I'm gonna find them.

I'm gonna retrace every step
I took today.

You know, Cor, if you
just kept them wrapped up...

like my buck Kn*fe...

none of this
ever would have happened.

You told me to wear them!

Sometimes you got to know
when to ignore me.

Huh? Look.

I thought that Kn*fe
didn't mean that much to you.

It doesn't. I just make it
look like it does.

I keep it wrapped up,
and I polish it.

I mean,
I might not be into it...

but maybe my kid will get
a kick out of it someday, huh?

- Eric...
- Yeah?

I've got to find those gloves,
and I need you to cover for me.

Just tell Mom and Dad
I went to Shawn's for dinner.

- OK, you're covered.
- All right, thanks.

Hey, be careful.
Not that I care.

Cory, dinner.

Eric, where is your brother?

I don't know.
oh, no, wait, I do know.

He said he was
going to Shawn's for dinner...

and I told him
to go right ahead.

Oh, and you felt that...

that was in the realm
of your authority?

I did. After all,
I am the oldest boy...

and, after tonight,
quite possibly the only boy...

but I kid the family.

Come in.

Yeah, hi, Eric.
Good to see you, too.

Hello, Shawn.

How you guys doing?
Is Cory here?

No, of course he's not, Shawn.

As you well know, Cory's
at your house having dinner.

Right, right.

Cory is at my house
and I did know that.

Eric Would be correct there.

Well, then why are you here?

Why am I, as in me, here?

I think that's one
Eric could handle. Eric?

It's plain as day.

Sure. oh, well, of course.

See, obviously
Cory sent Shawn over here...

to see what we were having
for dinner...

to decide if
he made the wise choice...

in going to Shawn's house
for dinner.

And why didn't he just call?

Ha ha!
Shawn, you're hurting me.

Pathetic.

No... no, it's not pathetic.

It's not pathetic for me...

because
I'm not in this family...

so I can leave.

Eric, what's going on?

Where's Cory?

I honestly
don't know where Cory is.

Alan, it's after dark.
I'm kind of worried.

So am I. How is he going to
survive in the adult world...

if he can't come up with
a better cover story?

[SPLASH]

MR. FEENY: Mr. Matthews!

Mr. Matthews! Mr. Matthews!

CORY: Uh-oh!

Mr. Matthews, didn't you hear
a word I said today?

Diving alone is not only stupid,
it's dangerous.

There isn't
even a lifeguard on duty.

This has got to be...

the most half-baked idea
you've ever had.

CORY: No. no.
It was fuLLy-baked.

Look. Mr. Feeny.
you have to Listen to me.

I Lost my father's
silver gloves...

and I have to find them.

You're dripping on my oxfords.

Now put your clothes on
and go home.

Cory!
Thank God you're alive!

[SIGHS]
Now I'm going to k*ll you.

I'm sorry, Mom.

Dad, I'm sorry.

I lost your silver gloves.

I didn't know how important
they were to you.

Mr. Feeny just called
and said you snuck...

into the "Y" and
you were diving by yourself.

Is that true?

I tried to find the gloves.

Cory, I don't care about
those gloves.

Dad, yes, you do.
You know you do.

Yes, I care about them.
That's why I gave them to you.

And when I was young
and in the Navy...

they were the most important
thing in the world to me.

But now I don't care
if I lose those silly gloves.

I care if I lose you.
Huh? You understand that?

Maybe it's best
if I never leave home.

Bad things only happen
when I leave.

Alan, he's grounding himself.

Don't let him
take that away from us.

Sorry, Mom.
Go ahead and ground away.

Why don't you just go upstairs,
dry off, and go to bed?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Amy.

- George.
- Alan.

Thanks for
being there tonight, George.

Mr. Feeny, you didn't come over
to yell at me more, did you?

No, I can wait until
we're back in class for that.

I just thought
that maybe you'd want these.

Mr. Feeny,
I can't believe this!

This is great! Thank you!

How did I get here?

We'll pretend it never happened.

Well, good night all.

Wait a minute.

How come it was oK
for you to go diving...

without a buddy,
but not for me?

I didn't have to go diving,
Einstein.

They were in the filter.

You see what you give me
to work with?

Dad, here.

What are you doing?
I gave these to you.

No. I don't deserve them,
at least not yet.

Just hold onto them
for me now...

and give them
back to me...

on the most important day
of my life.

When will that be?

Whatever day you give them back.

You want me to lie to Mommy?

Of course not. I don't want you
to lie to Mommy.

I just want this to be
a secret between you and me.

OK. What is it?

Yes!

Go on. open it.

Thank you, Daddy.

Oh, you're welcome.

What's the matter?

Did you win this horse
when you were in the Navy?

No.

Then why is this important?

Well, it's important
because you wanted it...

and I went to the store...

and I bought it for you
with my money.

Did you win this horse
when you were in the Navy?

Yes, I did