09x17 - Love & Negotiation

[bunniefuu]

(SIZZLING)

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Whoa.

- Thought I might find you here.

In my own house?

Wow.

You should be a detective.

Yeah.

That was a good one.

Uh, did you get my, uh, e-mails?

Texts?

Voice mail?

Uh, didn't read, didn't read, didn't listen.

Another good one.

Uh, hey, my company is launching a new product, and I think it would be perfect for Outdoor Man.

You know, right now Outdoor Man's pretty happy with our current bong supplier.

It's actually something a little bit different.

And before you say you're not in the weed business, it's not weed... it is CBD.

Okay, where am I right now?

Oh, I'm in my kitchen, my sacred space.

I do not do business in here, okay?

What are you talking about?

We used to go over the books in here all the time

- when we were...

- Ooh.

- Ooh.

- What...

... are you doing?

You know how people burn sage to get rid of evil spirits?

I'm hoping that the aroma of burnt pig flesh will get rid of the vegan

- in my kitchen.

- Mmm.

No.

No, no, no, no.

Bacon is my gateway meat.

You don't say.

Okay, I'll go.

Fine, fine.

You know what, I just wanted to give Outdoor Man the first cr*ck at the breakthrough product.

But, you know what, I will just call one of your competitors.

Yeah, why don't you just stop by their kitchen unannounced?

Look, just call the office.

We'll make an appointment,

- all right?

- Great.

Thank you, Mike.

Hey, man.

Hey, man.

Take a hit, man.

♪ ♪ Say, Mikey, what's this I hear about us selling dr*gs at the store?

Hmm?

Okay, this might be a little late in your career to be telling you this, but you've got to start reading all your e-mails, not just the ones that say

- "You may have won something".

- Yeah, all right.

(MUTTERS)

- Hey, there's the kid.

Come in.

- Hey.

Morning.

Uh, so, uh, Ryan should be here any minute.

I-I spent the last hour going over user reviews of similar products.

Why should I be reading e-mails when this kid's out there reading the whole Internet?

I've printed out relevant ones in case you want to take a look before the pitch.

Yeah, I've done all my research.

And, you know what, we think that...

(CLEARS THROAT)

you should take the lead on this one.

Really?

Well, you've seen me and Mike in enough of these meetings.

You are ready.

Right.

And, uh, the word is that you know the guy doing the pitching.

Oh, yeah.

Tall guy, dark hair, father of my children.

We have complete faith in you, Kris.

But don't go easy on him just because he's your spouse, all right?

Oh, no, uh, he took the last banana this morning.

That will not be a problem.

Good.

Because anything my second wife pitched me, I went for.

Which is why you still have a majority stake in that company, Curves-a-licious.

Oof.

Ed.

I know.

You're right.

She was a very pretty woman.

(EXHALES)

Hi.

There you guys are.

Uh, we came by to borrow your blender.

It is smoothie season.

Uh, honey, it's only borrowing when you ask for it.

Otherwise, it's stealing.

I told you.

Two things I checked off my list for today:

- a nature walk with Vanessa...

- VANESSA: Mm.

and stopping a robbery.

Yeah, we've been doing a lot of nature walks lately, too.

In fact, we just hit our step goal on our new Funbits this morning.

Yeah, when we can, we try to have the exact same number of steps.

Yeah, 'cause we're in love.

(SMOOCHING)

- See?

- (CHUCKLES)

You know, that-that is a really cool color.

What is that, maroon?

(CHUCKLES)

Cranberry cream.

Uh, I brought you my old one if you want it.

- Oh.

Wow.

- Yeah.

This is like a, uh...

a wrist-me-down.

Yeah, I think you're really gonna like it.

- They're kind of magical.

- Mm.

Nobody knows how it works.

It clocks your wrist movements.

My dad has one.

When he's feeling lazy, he just brushes the cats.

(CHUCKLES)

I should call him.

Uh, okay, so I am going to install the app on your phone, uh, so we can track

- each other's progress.

- Good.

- Yeah.

Y-You can see our steps, and we can see yours.

And then when you hit , steps, this little man comes out and dances.

Ooh.

(CHUCKLES): I love that.

That's fun.

Yeah.

We can make it a contest.

You know...

if you're up for it.

- Oh, I'm up for it.

- (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

You know what?

Jen and I will just go on another walk.

Oh, well, I'm not worried about losing to you and Jen's little legs.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, we'll see about that.

(CHUCKLES)

Jen!

Tell your dad he's coming for a walk with us!

Now, a lot of your customers are hikers, skiers, climbers...

all strenuous activities.

And I bet, afterwards, they have some mighty sore muscles and joints.

He said "joints", Mikey.

You just gonna let that lay there?

Hmm?

Well, you know this is Outdoor Man, right?

Not...

(SLURRING): outdoor, man.

Okay.

Let's get back to the business at hand.

You were saying?

Yes.

Our CBD cream is an all-natural, effective pain reliever

- and anti-inflammatory.

- Mm-hmm.

Sounds like something our customers would definitely want.

(SLURRING): You know what I need right now?

I'd like a-a taco with, uh, crispy shrimp.

Mike.

I'm willing to offer Outdoor Man an exclusive contract.

Our premium CBD will be found in only the premium outdoor store.

Of course, we get to design the logo that we would want.

- Absolutely.

- You know, in Vietnam, I smoked this stuff.

Never thought you could rub it on me, though.

I have drawn up some numbers for you guys to look at and included some test marketing data in the back.

- All right.

- It's pretty impressive, Ryan.

Really is.

Kris, what do you think?

One thing I learned from you is to never close a deal in the room.

We'll talk it over and, uh, we'll let you know.

- Great.

Yeah.

Take a look at those numbers...

- Okay.

and, uh, call me with any questions.

- It's been a pleasure.

- (CHUCKLES)

ALL: Thank you.

- All right, Ryan.

Good, good.

- Thanks.

(CLEARS THROAT)

That was quite a pitch.

Yeah, he went from Cryin' Ryan to, uh, Nolan Ryan.

That was smart, Kris.

I like we get to come up with the name.

I'm thinking of "No Pain Mary Jane".

No way, Ed Alzate.

But that is an interesting idea.

I'd like to play with that.

You know?

We could get the Colorado Rockies in there and then combine the logos, you know?

CBD.

ODM.

- Something like that.

Combine 'em into something.

- Mm.

ODM CBD...

CBD oil...

I like it.

I like it.

What do you think?

I say we turn him down.

(SIGHS)

You got to let that banana thing go, honey.

You're turning down the deal that Ryan proposed?

- Yes.

I want to.

- There's a lot of information in a pitch meeting, but you do remember Ryan is your husband?

(CHUCKLES)

When you gave me the lead on this, you told me to think like a CEO.

And you told me to think like a shark.

Yes, but even sharks don't eat their own family members.

Actually, they do.

I just finished Shark Week and...

(WHISTLES)

My point is, we both thought this was a great idea.

- So do I.

- Well, why are you trying to k*ll it?

I don't want to k*ll it.

I-I just want to...

push it around a little bit.

You're looking for a better price point.

- Exactly.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

The Baxter is strong in this one.

- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- So what do you want to do?

Well, as I learned from you in other supplier meetings, Ryan's company is not the only one.

Right.

But I know Dave Elliot, and I'm pretty sure his product is the best.

And it would be an exclusive deal.

We'd be the only store in the area to carry it.

I know all of this.

It's definitely the product we want, I agree, but I'd like to make some calls to other suppliers, see if I can't get some...

some leverage on the price.

Leverage.

- A beautiful word.

- (CHUCKLES)

Well, find out what you can and get back to me, all right?

On it, boss.

And, remember, pushing for a good deal is good business.

Pushing so hard you lose it isn't.

Keep that in mind, okay?

- Relax.

I know what I'm doing.

- All right.

(CHUCKLING)

- So...

- Huh?

Smoked a little weed in Vietnam, did you?

Oh, yeah.

With Al Gore, yeah.

I'll bet you he inhaled.

Oh, yeah, no.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Where's Mom?

Uh, I am returning her blender.

It doesn't work anymore.

You broke it?

(SCOFFS)

Let it go, narc.

She's at the park.

Walking.

Oh, I-I thought that was what you guys did together.

Yeah, it was.

Until one of us stopped being crazy.

What are you talking about?

You and your stupid contest.

She keeps walking because you won't stop.

Okay, I don't walk because I'm in a contest...

I walk because I'm chasing a small child.

So you don't care if you b*at your mother?

(CHUCKLES): Yeah, that's what I want to brag about, that I walk more than an old l...

Hi, Mom.

I, uh...

I didn't see your car.

You must've walked here.

I live four houses down.

Yeah, I bet every step is a diamond to you.

(CHUCKLES)

She's not trying to b*at you.

- She came over here to return the blender she broke.

- Hmm.

Narc.

But she's right.

Kyle and I forgot about the whole Funbit contest anyway.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Yeah, I'm not even wearing it.

- And not just because it clashes with these shoes.

- Mm.

(CHUCKLES)

So, I mean, I guess I get to spend the afternoon on the couch with my feet up, huh?

Yeah.

Well, yeah, you should.

- You deserve it, Mom.

- Oh.

Instead of running around like a crazy person.

- (CHUCKLING)

- Okay, love you.

Love you!

So, I guess we can go back to our old routine now, huh?

You fell for that act?

Ha.

Trust me, this contest is not over.

But Mandy just said...

Please.

Look, she thinks I deserve a rest?

I've known Mandy a long time, and she is a liar.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I am gonna walk this blender down to the repair shop.

So, um, mm, oh, yeah, you prepare to dance, little man.

- Hey, Baxter.

- Yeah.

You and, uh, Kristin still working on that deal with, uh, Ryan's company?

- Yeah.

- 'Cause I got some valuable intel.

- Ooh, intel, huh?

- Mm.

What are you, the new Black James Bond?

Don't joke about that.

We're trying to make that happen.

My buddy over at UltraSportz says they offered Ryan's company a better deal.

How would your buddy at UltraSportz know that?

He's head of security.

Same reason I know you order your prosciutto sandwich without the fig jam.

Because fig jam belongs in a trash can.

You know, if you weren't head of security here, I would report you to you.

Do you want me to tell Kristin about this?

Uh, no.

Let's see how she handles this curveball from Ryan.

All right.

- Hello.

- Hey, Chuck.

(LAUGHS)

Name's Larabee.

Charles Larabee.

Okay.

So, you ready for the big deal?

I was born ready.

Confidence is great, but in business anything can happen.

Ryan...

he may surprise you.

I think I know my husband.

For instance, right now we've got an extra three minutes 'cause he's in his car getting psyched to "Climb Every Mountain".

- Someone mention my jam?

- (MIKE CHUCKLES)

Hey.

Oh, I didn't, uh, know you were already up here.

- RYAN: Yeah.

- So Ryan surprised you.

For a second.

Relax.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, my dad just doesn't know the difference between annoying and funny sometimes.

Oh, yes, I do.

Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis together...

funny.

Jerry Lewis by himself...

annoying.

KRISTIN: Okay.

So, are we doing this or what?

Well, uh, we want to do it.

As do we.

What's the problem?

Price point.

We're gonna need you to knock it down another three percent.

Ooh.

Three percent?

That's, uh, substantial.

Well, I did some checking, and I know we can get it from your competitors.

And if we say no?

Then I guess we don't have a deal.

Then I guess this is gonna be a short meeting.

Congratulations.

We have a deal.

(KRISTIN LAUGHS)

Great.

We are really excited to be carrying your product.

And we are happy to be part of the Outdoor Man family.

I will have my people draw up the papers.

Okay.

Oh.

Oh.

- Let's just, uh, hug it out at home?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Love you.

(LAUGHING): Love you, too.

(SIGHS)

Pretty nice, huh?

Guess you're not the only tough negotiator in the family.

Yeah.

I thought that was gonna go much worse.

Why?

Because you didn't think I could be tough on my husband?

No.

I thought he was gonna be tough on you because he actually set up a better deal with UltraSportz.

Wait.

What?

Why didn't you tell me?

I just found out, and I thought he was gonna let you know about it.

But he didn't because I'm his wife, and he went easy on me.

Well, don't be mad at Ryan.

Oh, no, I'll-I'll be mad at him later.

Right now I'm mad at you.

Why?

I didn't take your stupid banana.

Why are you mad at me?

Because this whole thing was a setup.

Where'd you come up with that?

You didn't tell me Ryan had a better offer because you knew it wouldn't matter.

I didn't tell you because I wanted to see how you would handle a curveball like that.

But you did it so well, he didn't even bring it up.

We should be celebrating right now.

Celebrating what?

Ryan steals my banana, and then you steal my thunder.

I don't steal people's thunder.

I create my own thunder.

This is on you, Kris.

You only made me lead on this because you knew my husband would give me whatever I asked for.

Just because sometimes I know what's going on doesn't mean I always know what's going on.

This was a surprise to me, too.

(LAUGHING): Yeah, right.

You're smarter than that.

I can't believe I'm gonna have to disagree with that.

Whatever.

I was basically a prop in this negotiation.

So excuse me if I don't feel like taking a victory lap.

Hey, Baxter, how'd my intel work out?

Twice our paths have crossed, Mr. Bond.

Let's leave it at that.

What are you doing?

Yeah, I can't believe I used to brush my teeth standing still.

Now I get in steps.

MANDY: Mom!

She's in the kitchen!

Spitting in the sink.

Oh, thank God.

The Funbit app wasn't recording your steps this morning.

- Kyle and I thought you were dead.

- No.

You wish.

No, I've been walking all morning.

Oh, well, then something must be wrong with your phone because the app isn't recording it.

What?

What?

No.

You mean I took a walk in the park today for nothing?

No, it wasn't for nothing.

I mean, we had a nice walk.

We saw flowers and birds.

Jen, the Funbit doesn't see birds.

It sees steps.

Big, beautiful steps.

Right, and it doesn't see the aspens swaying in the breeze or the clouds gently floating across the sky.

Hmm.

Jen's being unusually poetic.

I get a lot out of our walks.

(GASPS)

Jen deleted your app!

No, I didn't, blender-breaker.

You did it because it was interfering with your nature walks.

No, that's not true!

Admit it.

You love spending time with my mother.

Well, who doesn't?

She's an American treasure!

Jen, did you really do that?

Okay, it was me.

There's a beautiful world around you that you're ignoring!

And for what?

To b*at her.

Your own daughter.

Do you hear yourself?

I do, and frankly, I am appalled.

Ugh, I don't know why I have been so obsessed with this thing.

I mean, what is with me and competition?

I know.

I mean, I usually win, and... and I like it.

Still appalled.

I'm sorry, Jen.

It's okay.

It's just what technology does.

It means well, and then it ruins your life.

Well, yeah, listen, you take this thing back.

From now on, I am gonna enjoy my walks with Jen.

No steps, just walking.

(CLEARS THROAT)

No.

Well, steps, because you have to take...

you know, because...

(LAUGHS)

Am I still your American treasure?

Always.

Mandy?

Yes.

Howdy, new partner.

Sorry.

I know we're not really partners.

I-I'm just the supplier, but to me it's just so much deeper than that when I...

For the love of God, stop.

- Uh, you wanted to see me?

- I want to talk about this business deal we just made, ask you just one question.

Okay.

What's up?

Why didn't you screw over my daughter?

Why would I do... ?

You know I'm her husband, right?

Yeah, but an-any husband who really respected his wife would have torn her to pieces in that meeting.

Sorry.

I'm confused.

- Can I come in again?

- No, no, no.

I-I know you got a better deal with UltraSportz, and you went for a worse deal just because you love your wife.

You make me sick.

- Okay, I didn't...

- Ah, Chuck said you were in here.

Did you come to cut your price even more?

- You make me sick.

- (SCOFFS)

Okay, hold on.

You both think I took it easy on you because I love you?

No.

I mean, yes, I do love you, but, like, not that much.

Okay.

What happened?

You offered a solid price point, and my CEO wants our product in Outdoor Man.

For us to give up a few points, to me it's worth it.

So what I'm hearing is, you both made a good deal and delivered for your bosses.

I guess we did.

Babe, I love you, and I respect the hell out of you and would tear you to pieces in a meeting anytime.

Hmm.

Not if I tore you to pieces first.

- Oh.

- Mmm, mm-hmm.

Well, in your office...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

All right.

Enough of...

Enough of the pillow talk.

- Okay?

Listen.

- Hmm.

I want to talk to my future CEO for a second.

- Okay.

- Thanks, honey.

- Mwah.

Love you.

See you.

- Okay.

Well, I wish I knew that before the meeting.

Could have asked for five percent.

(CHUCKLES)

In business, there's always gonna be a lot of stuff you don't know, no matter how much research you do, no matter how well you're prepared.

I hate that.

Well, listen, cut yourself a little bit of slack.

There's always gonna be plenty of opportunity to be unhappy.

Trust me.

So... take the happy.

I just wanted you to be proud of me.

Oh, I'm really proud of you.

But I also want, when you take over as CEO, I-I...

I don't want you worried about whether I'm proud of you, okay?

I know.

I'll focus on running the company the best way I can.

Yeah.

You want to focus on something else.

I want you to focus on being happy.

'Cause without that, nothing really matters.

- Got it.

- Okay.

And you know what?

I've been using that CBD cream on my hands, and I think my hands have the munchies.

- Hmm.

- So I'm gonna go grab something to eat.

It's just, it's not...

it's not how CBD works.

I learned everything I know from Al Gore.

Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.

The great coach Vince Lombardi once said, "Show me a good loser, and I will show you a loser".

(LAUGHS)

I guess instead of shaking hands, Vince wanted the losing coach just to punch him in the face.

You know, there isn't any shame in being able to lose with dignity.

But it is a shame if you can't enjoy a win.

Because if you can't, what's the point of kicking the other person's ass?

But the people most likely to win are the people least likely to take any joy from it.

Type A personalities are competitive, ambitious, impatient and aggressive.

You know how Type B people are described?

(LAUGHS)

Me neither 'cause nobody cares.

Nobody writes biographies about 'em.

But I do believe there's a sweet spot between point A and B, right?

You should be able to charge at a challenge with ambition and then enjoy the hell out of it once you've achieved your goal, right?

Kind of like Tom Brady staggering off that party boat after winning his seventh title.

Hall of Fame quarterback, amateur drunk.

I guess when you go ten years without a carbohydrate, those first two drinks really hit you.

"Here, catch this, Gronk".

(LAUGHS)

Now I know all the competitive scrapes that life put us through can leave you a little bruised, right?

And if you're feeling those aches and pains, I suggest to order some ODM CBD Grizzly Balm, available at Outdoor Man.

No, you can't smoke it.

Baxter out.

(CHICKEN CLUCKS)