01x11 - Switch-a-Rooney

[bunniefuu]

Okay, Liv and Maddie will be back from their driving test any second.

Ready to celebrate?

Check it.

Sing it loud!

Bam!

What?!

Ooh, I can't wait to get my license and be able to go wherever I want.

Within the city limits.

Before my curfew.

In a b*at-up minivan that smells like Joey's feet.

Still freedom.

Whoo-hoo!

Freedom?

Try loss of freedom.

Who wants to drive when you can sit shotgun and text until your thumbs fall off?

Not me.

I'm stoked for Maddie.

Having a license that means she can go anywhere and do anything.

That a responsible teenager would do after getting approval from her father.

Not that I've ever asked her not to get approval.

Why am I still talking?

Why are you in my house?

Why haven't you gotten a haircut?

We've all got questions.

There she is.

Congratulations, Liv.

One of our two new drivers.

Yes.

Hold your rah-rahs.

Only one of us passed.

Total bummer-rang.

Aw, you'll get it next time, kid.

No.

I'm the one who passed.

License to surprise!

Wait, if you passed, that means Maddie failed.

Maddie doesn't fail anything.

- Ooh!

- Oh!

Burn it!

Burn it all!

Well I failed.

Guess I know what it feels like to be a loser now.

You know what I'm talking about, Joey.

Ouch!

I would call that a drive-by if you had your license.

So what happened?

I will tell you what happened.

The DMV discriminates.

Yeah.

They only give their licenses to people who can make left-hand turns.

They do come in handy when you want to go left.

Why would you purposefully turn into oncoming traffic when you can go up one block and make three rights?

Who needs their license anyway, am I right?

I do!

I need my license!

Don't worry, Maddie.

I'll drive you anywhere you want to go.

Seriously, why am I still talking?

Why am I still here?

I'll go get my hair cut.

Better in stereo b b better in stereo - I'm up with the sunshine - Let's go - I lace up my high tops - Oh no slam dunk, ready or not yeah, show me what you got - I'm under the spotlight - Holler I dare you, come on and follow you dance to your own b*at I'll sing the melody when you say yea-ah-ah I say no-oh-oh when you say stop all I want to do is go go go you you, the other half of me me the half I'll never be-e the half that drives me crazy you you, the better half of me me the half I'll always need but we both know we're better in stereo.

Guys!

I have something really exciting to say.

How about you pause your piehole for two hours?

We'll get to you later.

We're all listening, Liv.

Okay.

There is a major film sh**ting in Wisconsin this summer, and I'm up for a big part.

How exciting!

What's it about?

It's based on some book about wolves in space.

"Space Werewolves!" That is my favorite graphic novel.

No way!

They want me to play Tristan.

As in Tristan Lycanth?

Yeah.

The hero?

Ha ha, but Tristan's a boy.

Technically half-boy, half-werewolf.

But he is definitely not a girl.

Right.

Not yet.

But the people making the movie saw my episode of Sing it Loud!

right where I dreamt that I was on an international space station and I saved the earth by singing the high note that shattered the asteroid before it hit earth.

Aah!

I love that episode.

Really?

'Cause I had some logic problems with it.

But you sparkled, honey.

They liked it so much that they're considering changing the role of Tristan into a girl just for me.

I had to stop Liv for her own good.

Fanboys are crazy.

I should know.

I'm one of them.

We're talking about Tristan Lycanth.

Keeper of the claw of freedom.

Does this match this?

- What's up, Diggie?

- What's up, Rooney?

'Sup with your hair?

You did not get a haircut just because my dad told you to.

No.

Not at all.

I totally needed a trim.

Do you think he'll like it?

Diggie, you can't let him push you around like this.

I mean, your hair was a hot mess, but that's not the point.

I can't help it, okay?

I want him to like me.

He's your dad.

And you and me are Whatever we are.

Totally.

Whatever.

Um you just need to find something that you and my dad both like and bond over that.

Oh, yeah, okay, great.

Let's see.

He likes growling at me.

You know what else he likes barbecuing.

Grilling sure beats growling.

And, if he starts to like me, I could help you prep for your driver's test.

Aww.

That's so sweet.

Hey, Dad.

Dude, I'm kidding.

Ha ha.

But he won't be.

Oh!

Hey, Liv, you want some chocolate pudding?

We found a big bowl of it in the fridge.

Um, boys, that's not chocolate pudding.

That's my organic face mask from Paris.

Oh, ho ho ho.

Fancy pudding.

Yeah.

It's made with orangutan poop.

Well, whatever that monkey ate was delicious.

Is that banana?

Okay, just Eww, Joey Get this.

Somehow word has spread through the blogosphere that I'm up for the role of Tristan in "Space Werewolves.

" Not sure how that info leaked out onto the Internet.

We would never post that juicy tidbit on the Stevens Point "Space Werewolves" fan page in hopes of enraging local Tristanites.

Liv will thank me for this later.

Let me guess.

The fanboys were none too pleased about you playing Tristan.

You probably want to throw in the towel and back out.

Uh, no.

I mean, why do I care what nerd nation Because we are a powerful force to be reckoned with I mean, they are!

Whatever.

This weekend I have a personal appearance at Neville's Novelty Shoppe to sign "Sing it Loud!" DVDs.

Why don't you guys come with me?

Liv, Neville's is fanboy central.

and then find out that you don't know what you're talking about they will eat you alive.

He's a werewolf and he lives in space.

I think anything else I need to learn about him will be in here.

I can probably finish this by Saturday, yeah?

Liv, that's volume 1.

There are 64 volumes.

Hah!

No wonder they're making this into a movie.

Who would want to read all that?

Ugh!

Ugh!

of "Rules of the Road," and not once did they admit that turning left into oncoming traffic is insane.

and spaceships, and the only thing I'm really looking is that I think I could totally rock Tristan's space suit.

Yeah just wait till they get to the Battle of Mirth.

That's when he meets Kytra, and that's when the adventure really kicks off.

You undercover Sci-Fi geek.

You've totally read this book.

Yeah, I've actually read them all.

I love them.

And I have to admit I am a little on the fence about you playing Tristan myself.

Okay one, how dare you.

And two, help me.

Okay, Liv, why are you wigging out?

Because I really want this role.

I mean, I know that I've been playing it cool, but this is way bigger than my show and it could send me into a completely new acting stratosphere.

I just have no idea how to impress these fanboys.

Okay, well, I would love to help you but, Liv, my driver's test is on the same day as your autograph signing.

And I still have no idea how to make a stupid left-hand turn.

I have a twin-sane idea!

This Saturday, I'll be you and you be me.

- Wait, you mean like - A switch-a-Rooney.

I'll face your fanboys.

And I will take your driver's test.

Perfect!

Why is this bed so squishy?

Because I am sitting on a pizza.

A girl gets hungry at 3:00 A.

M.

Web and that's how I slay the dragon.

Hey, Artie, you got a minute?

Hey, Joey.

You got a girlfriend?

Burn!

How is that a burn?

You took your mom to the freshman dance last fall.

So, what brings you crawling back to the Society of Space Space space Were were were Wol wol wol wol wol wol ves ves?

I was voted out of the Society for suggesting that wolf tails were stupid.

Was I wrong?

People, was I wrong?

I want to talk to you about my sister Liv.

No la la la la.

We do not speak the name of that she-devil who wants to desecrate Tristan.

Unless she sent you to ask me to prom, in which case, let her know I say maybe.

Be gone with you.

Listen, Artie.

We have a common enemy here, and we need to work together to defend the iconic character that is Tristan.

We were once powerful allies, you and I.

An uneasy alliance.

My wolf ears are perked.

Liv will be down at Neville's tomorrow.

I need you to show her the real fangs of a true "Space Werewolves" fanboy.

Fanboy?

That term is derogatory, sir.

We prefer "fantasy enthusiast.

" So will you do it?

Oh, sounds great, Joey.

I'd happily waltz right into your trap.

Do you take me for a fool?!

Yes.

Yes, I do.

But as Tristan himself would say When an enemy offers his paw, lick it.

If only to tear off his hind leg Tomorrow.

Oh!

Saying no to that would be like saying no to Tristan himself.

Well played, lone wolf.

Well played indeed.

Aah!

Nerds!

Pull over to talk or text.

Mmm!

Gotta love a brown sugar glaze.

No eating in the halls.

I can't help it, coach.

Just falls off the bone.

That's some solid-looking barbecue you got there.

Thank you.

I followed a recipe from "Barbecue Monthly.

" Oh!

Too much black pepper.

Ah, it was all so confusing.

My father's A vegetarian.

I just have no one to guide me.

Well, I don't like to brag, but last summer I did win the Stevens Point "Thrilla on the Grilla" cook-off.

Oh, yeah!

Coach Rooney took the barbecue bait.

But seriously, not one word about the haircut?

What gives?

Hey, check it out I sold Liv's toothbrush to a "Sing it Loud!" Fan and got us a bunch of gummy eyeballs.

Too bad she only has one toothbrush.

Oh, please I picked that one off the sidewalk out front.

Oh The switch-a-Rooney was on.

It took me four hours to do my hair and Liv made me sleep with my head hanging off the mattress to protect the pouf.

I drooled into my own nose.

Thank you all so much for coming to the season 4 DVD signing of Sing it Loud!

Artie's here.

Let the games begin.

Liv Rooney.

Are the rumors true that you, a girl, might play Tristan Lycanth?

It's true, fanboy.

What say you?

I say it's intergalactic blasphemy!

And I shall prove you're unworthy.

Be warned my minions are live blogging.

King_Artie_the_magnificent @ wolfspot dot howl.

Ha ha.

Bring it on, king Artie.

Speak for Tristan's lineage.

Who are his parents?

Liv is about to go down in flames.

His parents are the werewolf Magrol and queen Zira.

Bam!

What?!

I mean, space-tastic question.

Maddie.

Okay, we are good to go.

Uh, I think we're forgetting one thing.

Oh!

Ha ha.

Yes.

Lip gloss.

No, it says here you're required to wear glasses to drive.

Does it say that?

I thought I just needed those for the picture.

Put 'em on. O. M. Eyeballs.

Now start the car and put it in gear.

Absolutely.

If you could just Direct me to the Ignition.

No?

All right.

This is good.

Now merge left.

There's construction ahead.

- Uh - Go left.

I said left!

Okay, too far, too far.

- Okay.

- Garbage can.

I don't Okay.

Pull the vehicle over.

Uh, uh, okay.

Slow down.

Slow down!

- I'm not I - Mailbox.

- Mailbox!

- What?!

So Pass?

Here we are a couple of dudes getting ready to do some chillin' and grillin'.

Are you okay that I just called you a dude?

Relax, we're barbecuing.

Everybody's a dude.

Okay.

Let's do this.

Absolutely.

First, I need you to do a few things.

Hit me.

Whatever you want.

Shuck the corn?

Season the meat?

Mow the lawn.

Um, what?

And clean the gutters, rotate my tires, grout the tub, and empty the dishwasher.

Dude.

What does that have to do with barbecuing?

I thought you came here to learn.

Let me go get the lawn mower.

I knew exactly what Diggie was doing.

Using barbecue to soften up the old man?

If he wanted to get on my good side, he was going to have to get on the good side of my to-do list.

Finally, a little thrilla on the grilla!

All those chores made me hungry.

That's mine.

What did you forget to bring your own steak?

Maybe next time.

Next time?

I'm in!

Aah!

"Bring your own steak.

" Classic!

Why are you messing with that poor boy?

I'm just making sure he's good enough for my daughter.

And I'm done for the day.

Don't tell Maddie, but except for that stupid name, Diggie's all right.

Final question, girl.

When Tristan split the galactic pangaea, what did he say to the scattering colonies?

"Run to the stars, wolves.

But always put first your families.

For their love keeps you tethered to the universe.

" Wow.

You've gotta admit Maddie's making Liv look really good.

She's not fooling anyone.

Well, except everyone here.

Well, Liv Rooney I'm sold.

I mean, you will make a great Tristan Lycanth.

All hail the she-Tristan!

And, FYI I currently am available for le prom.

But your window of opportunity is closing.

Boop!

Artie.

Are you serious?

You can accept my sister playing Tristan?

What part of Don't you understand?

Okay, so Parker and I are the only ones that have a problem with this?

Um, speak for yourself.

She won me over too.

Artie, tail me.

It was at that moment that I realized I was the crazy fanboy that I was trying to protect Liv from.

I was untethered from my family.

I was the lone wolf.

And I should not have eaten You know what, Artie tail me too.

All hail the she-Tristan!

Let me make one thing clear.

This was the last switch-a-Rooney.

You did it when you were 6.

And I wrote your names on your forehead in permanent marker.

Don't make me do that again.

Ah, yes the summer of headbands.

To be fair, though, we rocked the headband look.

Ha ha fun fun.

Maddie, no license till you're 17.

Rock that look.

Seriously?

You want to make it 18?

Ah, 17.

Looking forward to it.

And Liv, since you like driving so much, you are now my personal chauffeur until further notice.

- No!

- Yes.

There is no errand too small, no trip too far.

I might even have you take me down to the end of the driveway just to get the newspaper.

I don't know.

That's right, girls.

I just dropped an atomic mom b*mb.

Boom!

She can't be serious about that, right?

Do we seriously still get newspapers delivered to our house?

Hey, whatever you did down at Neville's totally worked.

Some fanboy named lone wolf started a petition to get me the role of Tristan.

You won over the fanboys.

Thank you.

Pretty sure lone wolf is actually lone Joey.

You should go thank him.

Wait, I thought you said that Joey was the one trying to sabotage us.

It was a long and complicated day.

Got it.

Also I'm sorry about wrecking your driver's test.

Literally.

Ha!

And I got you something.

You might want to return this to the hoovers.

Thanks.

That reminds me.

I got you something as well.

One of Artie's wolf tails.

Yeah.

Oh!

Also I got you a date to the prom.

Yeah.

Artie would like to know what kind of dress you will be wearing Wizard or Pegasus?

Liv, you were absolutely right.

It is mind-blowing what I can accomplish from the passenger seat of the car.

I paid a bill, ordered some cute tops, and adopted a penguin.

Ooh!

Incoming.

Oh!

Aah!

That's funny.

Maddie just sent me the funniest photo.

- You boys want to see it?

- Yeah.

Yeah yeah.

Okay, I'll send.

That's classic!

What is everybody laughing at?

What are we looking at?

What's so funny?

I hate driving!