17x14 - Look Up Child

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder crashes]

♪ I’ve got your number, lonely ♪

♪ October 33 ♪

Jackson: It’s a natural progression in any profession for the student to become the teacher, the mentee to become the mentor.

[Thunder crashes]

♪ Holds me down, like you know how, darlin’ ♪

♪ Hold me now ♪

♪ Like you know my plight ♪

♪ Got your number ♪

[Thunder crashes]

♪♪

It’s not that much different from parenting.

I’m your son.

♪♪

We learn from our ancestors how to make the perfect soup.

♪ I’m sending love where you are at ♪

How to soothe an aching head or heart.

Woman: Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

[Cellphone beeps]

♪ October 33

♪ Your love’s my only good thing ♪

♪ Like, fair, fair, fair ♪

♪ So, help me hear the bird sing ♪

♪ I’ll help you capture your dream ♪

♪ Let’s see it in the present ♪

♪ And try to let it be ♪

♪ I, I’ve got your number, lonely ♪

♪ October 33 ♪

♪♪

♪ Like, fair, fair, fair ♪

Jackson: We measure milestones and percentiles and first steps…[Bell jingles]

…to try and gain insight into the person they’ll grow into.

[Knocks on door]

Hello?♪ October 33

Tate, you’re early.

I’ve just started packing lunches.

♪♪

♪ Crying in the back ♪

As if knowing a bunch of numbers on charts is any true measure of what we might make of ourselves.

Jackson.

♪ I do, to you ♪

Hey, Dad.

♪ Hold on ♪

♪ Hold on ♪

[Thunder crashes]

♪ Hold on ♪

♪ Fair, fair, fair ♪

♪♪

♪ Hold on ♪

[Engine shuts off, music stops]

[Thunder crashes]

[Doorbell rings]

Alright.

I know it seems, like, impulsive and out of nowhere, but it’s not — it’s just, uh… uh, fast.

But it’s not, like… impulsive, impulsive.

It’s…

I thought it through. It’s just I thought it through —

[Thunder crashes]

Oh!

♪♪

[Gasps]

♪♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Dog barks in distance]

Everybody alive?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That’s not —

[Clears throat] Not why I’m here.

I thought you were Tate.

He delivers meals for me to people in the community that need them.

Okay. Not Tate.

Well, come on in. Take a load off.

I tested clean yesterday and haven’t seen anyone.

I haven’t seen anyone, either.

I just made a fresh pot of coffee.

Want some? I’m good.

How have you been?

I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately, what with everything going on in the world.

I was gonna call, but the way we left things last time,

I figured you did not want to talk to me.

And I didn’t want to be one of those added things on top of the pandemic to deal with.

How have you been?

How’s your little girl?

She must be, what…

She’s 3 1/2 years old. Her name is Harriet.

Right.

Look, I didn’t travel all this way to just catch up, so, um…

I need…answers.

Well, I’ve got about 150 lunches to put together, so if we’re gonna talk, why don’t you grab a pair of gloves over here with me and, uh…

help me out?

[Thunder crashes]

Oh, my God, it’s your night.

It’s — Wait — It’s your night?

How can it be your night with Harriet?

She’s not packed, she’s not ready, she’s sick, and I have a calendar.

It’s okay, no, no, it’s not — it’s not my night.

No? Alright? April, hey.

It’s not? No, no, no, it’s alright.

Okay. Just take a breath.

What’s going on? What’s wrong?

She has a temp of 102, and — and she’s coughing…

Okay.

…and she has no appetite. Come here.

But I-I took a rapid test — it’s not COVID.

Come here, munchkin. Come here. That’s good.

Hey. Why didn’t you call me?

I don’t know what it is.

Whooping cough or RSV or rickets?

It’s not rickets.

People get rickets, Jackson.

And — And Matthew just went out East with Ruby to see his sister, and the power keeps going on and off, and I know, I am a doctor, I need to take a deep breath and I should be cool, but I am — You’re not being cool right now.

You’re not even breathing, okay? Go ahead. Oh, God.

She’s been sick before, obviously, but, like, COVID just makes everything feel so…big.

And I know I need to calm down, but no one in the history of calming down has ever calmed down by being told to calm down, so I’m not gonna, okay?

I’m not gonna tell you to calm down, alright?

I’m not telling you to calm down, I promise. I just…

Why don’t you let me in the house, maybe?

Yeah, yes, okay. Just — sorry.

Okay?

Come in.

Hey, sweetheart.

I can’t tell you how long it took me to come up with this nifty system.

First, we start with a bunch of these, what I’ve coined the brawn bundle.

Here’s how we do it — two pieces of smoked ham, one slice of honey turkey, and provolone.

Are you serious with all this?

Roll it up, and once you have your ingredients set, you move down here to the bread.

You won’t believe how much time that saves.

Try a piece.

Look, I’ll make the damn sandwiches with you in order to — it’s fine.

Okay?

But I don’t need to taste anything or have any food or coffee.

Just — I don’t need anything from you, honestly.

I just need answers.

[Dog barking in distance]

Okay.

Answers?

Mom said something to me that I cannot get out of my head.

Yeah, she has a talent for that.

She said, for the first time ever, that I sounded like you.

[Chuckles] Did you piss her off?

I said I can’t really see change coming from inside the foundation.

There’s too much bureaucracy. Well, to be honest, I haven’t thought about the foundation in a long time.

Yeah, but what do you think she meant by that?

Years ago, I learned to never put words in your mother’s mouth.

If you had to guess.

I’ve never been one for the establishment.

I always thought the whole system is rigged.

So, how we doing over there?

You know, I don’t think ham-and-turkey sandwiches get enough credit.

They’re simple, but they get the job done.

So I said that the whole system’s just broken, needs to be thrown out and rebuilt, understanding that that’s damn near impossible considering how many people benefit from it the way it is right now.

That does sound a little like me.

You look like you could use some more turkey.

Ever use a commercial meat slicer?

When would I have done that? Summer job?

Anyway, it reminds me of the O.R., without the pressure of possibly k*lling someone.

Come on, let me show you.

Yeah, I can figure it out, thank you.

Okay.

[Dog barking in distance]

You might want to —

You might want to turn it on first.

Yeah, right.

[Motor whirring]

Just, what is it?

Here, let me show you. Okay.

First of all, you gotta lift this.

Here’s your gauge for how thick

you want to make the slice of meat.

Okay. Got it. Thank you.

The carriage goes back and forth.

Great.

[Motor whirring]

I got it.

Kinda relaxing when you get a rhythm going, huh?

So…you’re saying you wanted change, but what?

You felt powerless ’cause you were an Avery or…?

As you know, the Avery name carries a great deal of influence, but it also carries… a great deal of baggage.

That amount of money can become a burden pretty quickly.

Everybody knows you have it, so… they expect you to be responsible to fix everything with it.

And there’s almost no one in your shoes, so almost no one seems to get it.

At least not when I said it.

Certainly not when the name is synonymous with just the worst behavior imaginable.

Well, not here it’s not.

Here, nobody knows who my father was or that I come from money.

Out here, they just think I’m Robert who runs the diner.

[Thunder crashes]

April: God.

Uh, Matthew’s been working a lot.

I mean, I’ve been working a lot.

Yeah, don’t worry about it. My place is, uh —

Please don’t do that.

Don’t be all weird-nice with your voice an octave higher like you do with people at hotels or at the bank.

I have a weird bank voice now?

It’s making you nuts.

[Chuckling] You — You can say it.

Just mess everywhere.

Pillows all over the place.

I maintain that throw pillows are useless and stupid, yeah.

How long has my munchkin been sick?

[Sighs] Couple days.

She just hasn’t wanted to do anything, just lie on me.

Also, she needs a bath. She smells like feet.

Well, I hate to break it to you — that’s you.

No, it’s not.

100 percent you.

[Sniffing]

Oh, God. That is me.

Jackson: Yeah.

Go take a shower.

April: Jackson, I —

April, go take a shower, please.

Hey, Jackson. Mm-hmm?

I’m calming down.

See? I am. I am.

10 minutes. 10 minutes.

She ever taken a 10-minute shower in her life?

I don’t think so.

Some tunes? Good idea.

Let’s see what she’s got.

[Jazz music plays]

♪♪

We got this, right?

We got this, baby.

We got this.

You’re gonna feel better in no time.

Harriet and Dad.

♪♪

We got this.

[Thunder crashes]

[Electricity crackles]

April: Oh, come on!

Or maybe we don’t.

[John Moran’s “Thousand Watt Workout” plays]

♪ Looking like a fisherman ♪

♪ I’m dropping a line in the sea ♪

♪♪

I gotta give it to you — that’s some good turkey.

Best in the state.

Yeah, I’ll take your word for it.

♪ Hoping that the graying skies ♪

So, what’d your dad think when you decided to walk away from it all?

At first, he thought it was just a phase.

But then when he realized I was serious, he stopped speaking to me.

Completely?

He said I was selfish, compulsive, lazy, a stain on the family name.

Which I now see is such a complete joke.

No, he was never interested in talking to me, unless it was about the hospital image or profits or expansion.

If I have to have one more conversation about cutting hospital costs, I swear…

Someone’s got to do it.

I just knew it wasn’t gonna be me.

I was never gonna be the son my father wanted because I didn’t want to be the man the role required.

♪♪

That’s why you’re here.

Why’s that?

Because… you’re ready to leave it all behind.

[Motor whirring]

♪♪

[Sighs]

Why does anyone have an electric water heater?

A power outage is when you need hot water the most.

Well, Harriet cried herself to sleep.

I propped her head up to help with the coughing.

Okay, thank you.

And I found a flashlight and a few candles, but I can’t find any damn matches in this place.

Oh, yeah, well, I’m married to a first responder.

The matches are in a drawer even I’ve never found.

Alright. Well, then, stove it is.

[Clicking]

Geez.

Can you get some more candles?

[Chuckles]

What?

Oh, crap! Sorry.

This is a nun.

I just grabbed the, uh –The first nun you could find?

[Sighs] Saying I’m going to hell?

Since when do you believe in hell?

True.

But they’re your candles, so you’re going to hell.

Okay. [Chuckles]

Alright, just give me this.

Yeah, grab that.

Her fever’s at 102, so you might be right about RSV.

Okay.

So we just give her acetaminophen and wait it out unless she gets short of breath?

Versus driving in a blackout to Grey-Sloan in a pandemic?

Yeah, we’re not going anywhere.

The risk of exposure alone…

We don’t need doctors, April. We are doctors.

And if she gets worse…

Which she probably won’t.

Exactly.

Yeah.

How’s Meredith doing?

I’ve been praying for her.

Oh, she’s, uh — She’s awake. Yeah?

And she’s getting better every day, stronger.

Oh. Yeah.

So, tonight wasn’t your night.

Yes. As usual, your calendar is impeccable.

Well done.

No, I’m just saying, uh, tonight — tonight wasn’t your night, so why are you —

How have I never been to your place?

I feel like I guess we must always do drop-offs at mine or work.

It’s — It’s nice. It looks really nice.

I like what you’ve done. Jackson…

You guys are happy, you and — you and Matthew?

We’re busy, like everyone else.

And Harriet and you and him and Ruby, the same house, it’s going…

Exposed brick is — is cool. I know you’ve always liked —

Do you really think I can’t tell when you’re being cagey?

I’m not being cagey.

Am I happy?

Exposed brick? Would you just talk like a person?

[Sighs]

I went to see my dad again.

Oh, God. Is he sick?

No, he’s the same as always.

Obliviously medium happy about his obliviously medium life.

I thought you never wanted to see him again.

I didn’t.

I needed to know if I was right about what I… what I wanted.

And we’re back to being cagey.

I’m not trying to be cagey, April.

He couldn’t handle it.

Okay?

He couldn’t step up or step into his own, and I can.

♪♪

I want to take over the foundation.

♪♪

Is this the, uh, coffee you showed me last time I was here?

We sold out of our first batch.

The local paper wrote us up, so we decided to add four more roasts.

I was gonna branch out into other parts of the state, and then, ah, COVID.

Yeah, I remember. You guys got hit pretty hard.

Hospital was turning people away, right?

It was a lot.

I did everything I could to keep this place open after COVID hit.

But then I ended up just bagging up food for the regulars.

Word spread, and every morning, I come in here and crank up the Doobie Brothers, start packing lunches.

It was weirdly therapeutic.

Kept my mind occupied.

[Sighs] Well…

you got quite the bubble out here.

Built a very different life for yourself.

We’re all raised to think that’s some kind of wild concept.

But what’s wild is going to work every day doing something you do not like, thinking one day, it’ll just magically stop.

Yeah.

I just feel stuck.

Hmm.

Like there’s two of me. Like there’s this — this successful surgeon that I worked so hard to become, was trying to push the foundation to be more progressive.

[Sighs] And also just the guy that didn’t ask for any of this, you know?

I’m worried that maybe it’s too late — the system’s beyond repair.

Maybe I could be effective from the outside.

Or maybe you could let go of the idea that it’s your job to save the world.

You know, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to keep things simpler.

Yeah, I think about that a lot.

Actually, I think, you know, I could get a small place in the woods, maybe open a private practice, do things [Chuckling] I really care about.

Explore the great outdoors with Harriet.

We all deserve to live our lives however we want.

Sure, yeah.

You are an older white guy who’s always had money, so…

If nothing changes in the world,

you’re still gonna be fine, but I — I hear you.

You given any thought to what if?

What if I didn’t come back here?

What if you chose differently, yeah.

Well, I’m more of a, hmm… “never look back” type.

♪♪

Right, yeah.

Yeah, um…

♪♪

When I was here last time, I wanted to ask you why, and I — I didn’t — I couldn’t —

I guess I used to say I was over it, but I’m not.

I need to know why you left.

♪♪

‘Cause, um…

♪♪

…I realize that it’s really messed me up… pretty badly.

And, um…

[Clears throat]

It just made it hard to, like, maintain relationships and stuff.

Having this inclination to run away all the time.

And I know, I know — running away doesn’t actually solve anything.

I know that.

♪♪

So — And I’ve tried.

I’ve tried really hard to rid myself of the shame and the pain that comes with all that, and, uh…

You know, just kind of doubled-down on being the best at everything — the best father I could possibly be.

I probably stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, went along with foundation business longer than I should have, but no matter what, [Grunts] when it gets rough, I just end up… right there, running, into the woods.

Try to fight the you in me.

[Motor whirring]

Can you not just sit there looking at me? Can you say something?

Pretend that I’m worth talking to?

I don’t know how you can just say nothing all the — Ow!

God! Aah! Damn it!

God!

Oh, man. You alright?

No, I’m not alright! Give it — I got it!

Pressure, pressure, pressure.

♪♪

Okay.

[Sighs] Temp’s down to 101.

It’s just a bad dream.

Oh, yeah? How’s her breathing?

It’s better.

Oh, good, alright. Yeah.

So we could be out of the woods. Yeah.

[Thunder rumbling]

So, were you hoping

Matthew wasn’t gonna be here tonight?

What?

No, I don’t have a problem with Matthew.

Really? [Chuckling] What?

Whenever you guys are in the same room together, you say one of three things —

“Yup,” “Sure,” “Not a problem.”

Well, okay, yeah.

We’re not best friends, but, I mean, it’s civil.

He seems like a fine guy.

He seems, uh, kind. Kind?

I don’t have a bad word to say about him.

That — That’s something.

So then why did you want to come tell me this in person?

You’re considering running the foundation.

What’s that got to do with me?

That’s the thing —

I’m not just considering it.

I’m doing it.

Running the foundation means I got to move to Boston.

W– Without Harriet?

No. God, no.

I’m moving to Boston, and I really need you all to come.

♪♪

The foundation will employ you and Matthew.

You’ll be set.

You can do whatever you want in terms of an outreach program or design or build.

Anything you want to do, we’ll fund it.

♪♪

I would never leave Harriet.

♪♪

I could never, ever leave Harriet, which means I really need you all to come with me.

Please.

[Thunder crashes]

♪♪

Doesn’t look like there are any tendon injuries.

Yeah, the cut’s not that deep.

Okay.

Another wash, then let’s glue it.

[Sighs]

I can handle it from here.

Actually, just hand me the glue.

Okay.

Ow.

[Grunts softly]

Just give me your hand.

Come on, man. Let me do this. Okay.

I may not have practiced in a while, but it is like riding a bike.

Not exactly, but okay.

Hold it together.

See? Alright.

That is not bad.

Okay. Does it hurt?

Do you want any Tylenol or anything? Um.

No, no, no. It’s actually just…

It stings a little bit, but that’s fine.

Thank you. Look at us.

We ought to open up a family practice.

♪♪

You know, I’m gonna…

♪♪

I’m just gonna grab some air.

♪♪

[Thunder crashes]

April: I get it, Jackson.

You’re not the only person in quarantine who’s drowning in big

“What the hell am I doing with my life?” kind of questions.

But you don’t just up and move across the country on a whim.

No, no, no, that’s not what this is. It’s not on a whim.

Since the moment I met you at Mercy West, you have rejected your family name, the legacy, even the freaking plane.

You’ve — You’ve wanted nothing to do with any of it.

I resisted. That’s not necess–

No, no, no.

Sorry, you’ve been running, kicking and screaming.

That is not where this is coming from.

Okay? I can use this as an opportunity to make some profound changes in the world.

You understand?

I respect that. I mean, I-I admire that, Jackson.

As long as it’s not an inconvenience to your perfect little life here?

Uprooting my entire life is not an inconvenience.

Okay, you’re right.

But I need this.

I know that I need to do this.

I can feel it in my gut, and I just want to trust that for once.

Okay.

How many times have you “felt in your gut”…Don’t —

…the need to just pack up a tent and go for a walkabout and talk to yourself amongst the trees?

So I’m the only one that’s walked away when I was having a hard time?

Just me, huh? [Sighs]

How many times have you been sitting in the front pew at a church, talking to God about the plans for your life?

It’s not the same thing. I –Why not?

Why is it that you can find solace and purpose in a church, but I can’t find it in nature, where I can actually have some time that’s quiet…

[Sighs]

…hear myself think, think about what I want, not what everybody else expects of me?

So how long did you spend thinking about going to see your father?

How much time did you spend doing that?

Don’t reduce it to that! Or did you just, like, get in a car and — and go —

No, it’s not on a whim, okay?

It was a realization. Okay, I — I needed clarity, and I went and talked to Robert, and I got it.

[Sighs] You have never wanted any of this.

And — And I’m just supposed to roll with it and see what happens?

What — What happens when you regret it?

What happens when you realize that you actually hate it?

What you’re asking of me, of — of our family, of our daughter, it’s…

[Sighs]

What happens if it doesn’t work?

Matthew got on one knee and proposed to you…

Please don’t. Jackson, I’m –No, no, no, it’s true.

He got on one knee and proposed to you in front of me.

I stood there, watched another man become your husband and stepfather to my child — our child…

Mm-hmm.

…and at no point did I come to you and say, “Yeah, but what if it doesn’t work?”

I didn’t do that.

I had your back that day and every day since.

He bugs the hell out of you, doesn’t he?

I’m allowed to be frustrated at the guy who makes sandwiches weird.

Who — I-It’s — And he calls her Hair-Hair. I know.

I know. I’m working on that.

[Chuckles]

What I’m not allowed to do, April, what — what I’ve actually never done, is stand in the way of the happiness that you chose for yourself.

[Thunder rumbles]

I had your back.

I know this is a surprise, but I’m just asking you — do the same for me.

[Thunder crashes]

I… I — I want you to be happy, Jackson.

You deserve it.

But running the foundation?

I — I’m sorry.

It’s just…

You’re not that guy.

[Thunder rumbles]

I don’t think you ever will be.

♪♪

Jackson: So, that’s it? I’m either gonna fail or quit?

I’m sorry, Jackson. I didn’t — I didn’t mean that —

Yeah, you did. That’s exactly what you meant.

[Sighs] Ok–

Fine. Yeah. I did.

Jackson, you are a brilliant surgeon.

You rebuild people’s faces, you rebuild their lives.

You find a way to make them breathe when — when it seems impossible.

You gave a little boy back his hands.

You prayed me back into the world when I was almost dead.

Y-You take out impossible tumors, and you make people walk out into the world with their heads held high.

That’s where you’ve left your mark.

It’s what makes you exceptional.

Wh– Why would you want to give all of that up?

It’s not about what I want. It’s what I need to do.

Well, you know what? It’s a little late to decide that.

Excuse me?

You don’t get to choose who I am in this world, April.

Nobody does.

Not my father, not Mom — nobody.

And you don’t get to choose your career over mine.

That’s — I am happy.

I’m helping people.

I’m really helping them.

I am building support systems and resources for people in rural communities, and they need so much, and I can actually do that for them.

And you can keep doing that.

You can do it on an even bigger scale.

You can do it across the country.

I’m — You’re literally just gaining resources.

April, I am not trying to diminish your work.

We have an opportunity to do something really amazing for all of us.

Matthew will go along with it.

He’ll follow you.

That’s why I like him so much.

[Both laugh]

Oh, God.

You know what?

You — You didn’t always have my back.

When I found what I needed in Jordan, you didn’t go with me.

You left me alone. I went alone.

April, that’s not fair. You ran away from me.

And Samuel and the pain and the grief, which is understandable.

You know, I was resentful at the time, but I get it.

You were surviving.

You had to do what you had to do to survive.

But this isn’t that, anyway.

I’m not running from something.

I’m trying to run to something.

Trying to make something my own.

[Thunder rumbles]

[Sighs]

It’s not fair, Jackson.

If you had the opportunity to finally make it all make sense, to become what you were meant to be, wouldn’t you try really, really hard to get there?

♪♪

I would.

I did. [Chuckles]

That’s all I’m asking for.

♪♪

[Sighs]

[Harriet cries]

I got it.

[Crying continues]

[Thunder rumbles]

[Sighs] 99.3.

Oh, good. Alright.

Yeah.

So she’s a little more comfortable.

Yeah. She’s talking in her sleep.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Anything good?

Just gibberish.

She said, “Amananome.”

Ah. That is the sea anemone.

Oh.

She’s been waking me up the last few weeks with a different sea creature fact.

Are they really “facts,” though?

[Laughs] In her head, they are.

[Chuckles]

It’s the best alarm clock, ever, I’ll tell you.

Last week, she told me that she could hear “were woofs” throwing up in your basement.

Really? I don’t even have a basement.

Oh, I’m aware.

There’s no convincing her otherwise.

So stubborn.

Which I would say comes from her mother… Mm.

…but I think we both know…

50/50 split. …right down the middle.

Yeah.

I could never give that up going to Boston.

Sea creature alarm clocks, holding her when she’s sick.

But I can’t walk away from this chance to make real change in the foundation.

I mean, Mom was able to do both.

And I know in my gut, that I can, too.

I mean, I owe it to Harriet to try, at least.

I know. And I know I can’t do it all, but, April, I am telling you, I can take this foundation to a whole new chapter.

I mean, creating real racial equity in medicine.

Are you kidding?

It’s a revolutionary, lasting change.

I could look my daughter in the face and know that I’ve done everything I possibly can to give her a better world.

I know. I know.

I could do all that and — and be the father that mine never was.

♪♪

And all I need to do is turn my life upside down.

♪♪

[Birds chirping]

Puts a lot into perspective, huh?

Yeah, I come out here every morning just to take it all in.

Feel like I got a lot more thinking done these last few days out here than probably [Chuckling] all year.

Might find it hard to believe, but I’ve been thinking a lot about our last visit.

Everything you said.

And the truth is, I left because that’s what I do.

I chose this place because it’s safe.

Running the restaurant, bagging lunches, none of it requires much of me.

I can walk away and not look back any time.

And just forget about who you’re leaving behind, yeah?

I was convinced you were better off without me.

Without a father?

How would you think I’m better off without… my father never being there for any birthdays, any graduations?

That time I got b*at up by Billy Paxton?

At my wedding?

The birth of my child, your granddaughter.

My divorce — maybe that would’ve been a good time for you to step in and share some wisdom.

A hug, I don’t know.

Help me make some decisions?

It’s not like it was a few months, man.

Or a year or 10 years.

It’s my entire life.

How could you think that’s better?

In my father’s eyes, I was the screw-up in the family, and I absorbed that story.

Maybe I became it.

And I didn’t want to pass that down to you.

Robert: I did not want to mess you up.

[Scoffs] Congrats.

I get that now.

I hurt a lot of people.

You, your mother.

And to have found out I have a granddaughter that I… may never meet…

Yeah, well, it didn’t have to be that way, did it?

You’re absolutely right.

So I buy her presents.

An art set, a basketball, tricycle, board games.

What are you saying? And you didn’t send them?

I don’t have the right.

I don’t deserve… to take your time, be in your space.

Not one day has passed that I haven’t regretted leaving you.

It haunts me in my sleep, when I wake up in the morning.

And I am truly, truly sorry.

And yet I know an apology will never make up for it.

And I have to live with that.

I will never get over it.

Oh, Jackson.

Crossroads like this, you don’t arrive at them often, but I know you will be okay, no matter what road you choose.

I’m still an Avery, right?

I still find some way to… walk away from it all.

Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Isn’t that what they say?

[Chuckles] Nice.

That’s great.

No, I’m sorry.

I just thought that was funny.

I’m the tree, you’re the apple.

Do you really think that?

I’m sitting here, aren’t I?

Jackson, let me assure you, you are not me.

The fact that you’re even questioning your choices is proof of that.

And if that’s not enough, you are committed, Jackson.

Committed to your work, to your family, to people in need.

♪♪

And I know sometimes you want to run away from it all, but anybody with any sense does that.

It’s very different from actually following through with it.

♪♪

I was scared.

I’m scared.

Yeah, but you’re scared of doing the wrong thing.

I was too scared to do the right thing.

♪♪

You’re not a runner.

If you were, you would have been long gone by now.

Do you know how easy it would have been for you to walk away from everything after it all came out about the foundation?

Did you even consider it?

♪♪

Not really, no.

Of course not.

‘Cause you have it in your soul to do the right thing, to make things right.

And you didn’t just fix a disaster, you made it better.

So if you don’t want to stay, don’t.

But don’t blame it on me.

♪♪

‘Cause on your worst day, you are 10 times the man I am.

♪♪

[Thunder crashes]

Jackson?

Hey.

Come in. I can’t stay.

Honey, it’s pouring out here.

Here, Mom.

I mean, I can’t stay at Grey-Sloan in Seattle.

I can’t keep doing what we’ve always done.

You know how many people of color we’ve already lost since the pandemic started?

The system keeps diminishing and erasing us.

T-They’re literally letting people just die in the streets, and we can do something about it.

I got to show Harriet that we can put our money and our attention where our mouths are.

And we can acknowledge the connection between our work and what’s actually happening in the streets and give a sense of equity in this world, okay?

It’s not gonna change after COVID.

We know that.

White supremacy is woven into the fabric of this country, and that means medicine, too.

[Sighs]People that look like us should not have to be gaslit, shamed, and ignored when they’re just going to the doctor, constantly having to prove that their lives have any value.

It’s like this constant cycle of stress from poverty and trauma and racism, and it’s definitely impacting mental health — it’s definitely k*lling us.

Where are people supposed to turn?

They don’t feel safe going to the doctor.

They’re scared to call the cops.

This is like a deep-seated neglect.

And if our deaths are not affecting their profit margin, then it’s not gonna change.

I want to take over the foundation.

What?

I want to reallocate every penny that we have to equity in medicine — women’s health, trans health, racial equity.

I want everyone who this country abuses to be served, okay?

We need to challenge all the ways that we teach, everything that we’re doing.

If that means dismantling the whole medical system a-and — and designing something that actually serves everyone, then that’s what I want to do.

I-I see that now. I’m ready.

Jackson, where have you been?

It doesn’t even matter anymore, Mom.

It matters that I’m back and I know where I belong.

Oh!

I gotta go. I love you. Ah!

[Smooches]Where on God’s earth are you going now?

I got to go talk to April.

What?! Jackson…

[Thunder crashing]

♪♪

Here we go. Yummy!

Are you gonna go with crazy fork?

[Exhales sharply]

Pancakes go in your belly.

Why do you always go for the big ones?

Harriet: Hey.

Take all the small pieces, alright?

[Sighs]You want to cut your own little piece?

A small one.

What are you doing —

a small one this time, that’s soaked up in syrup?

Extra syrup?

Ooh. There she is.

There she is.

Hi!

Harriet: Mommy!

[Laughs] Hi!

Oh! No fever.

Oh, good, good, good.

I want orange juice.

Yeah, you can have some orange juice.

You want me to get it for you, baby?

No, I get it myself.

[Chuckles] Okay.

Jackson: Okay.

[Laughs]

Go ahead, baby.

Are you gonna unscrew the top and pour it?

April: You are that guy, Jackson.

I was an ass for saying otherwise.

Yeah?

Pillows in every room. [Chuckles]

They come in handy.

Hey, are you sure about this?

I’m not sure it’s gonna work, but… I’m sure it’s what I want, yeah.

Why is our timing always so terrible?

I thought that was kind of our thing — bad timing.

We just never figured out how to want the same thing at the same time.

Even with Harriet.

Yeah, but, I mean, it worked out pretty well.

Yeah, but we were fighting, and then we had sex while our marriage was falling apart.

That was actually our thing — arguing until we were blue in the face and then having sex.

Yeah, I guess we were doomed, huh?

Look, if you’re really living your dream here, I’ll give it up, because you’re right.

I’m totally springing it on you guys.

No. What?

You do not get to do all the speeches and the convincing and that thing where your face just lights up just to take it all back again.

Don’t take it all back.

You deserve this.

Wait. What are you saying?

I am saying… we will make Boston work.

I’m saying yes.

What? You’re saying yes?

To my question, you’re saying yes? Yes.

I’m saying — Yeah. I thought that’s what you wanted.

Yeah, but — Yes?

Like, I didn’t think it would be that easy.

I’m sorry. You call this night easy?

No, not — not easy like that, but, like, I thought [chuckles] you’d have to pray or consult with Matthew, maybe get your pastor involved, some additional praying…Yeah. Yeah. Matthew will be fine.

[Sighs] Alright, well, when does he get back?

I can help with the pitch. I can talk to him.

What do you want me to…?Uh, no. No. No.

No, that’s a horrible and weird idea…

Yes. …obviously.

Um, but tell him that I can help him with work.

I’ll make sure everything is arranged for him and for Ruby.

We split up.

♪♪

Oh.

♪♪

We kept trying to tell ourselves that our whole winding road was God’s plan to bring us back together.

[Breathes deeply]

But he was still so angry and so hurt.

I mean, I left him at the altar, and then his wife d*ed.

You know, you don’t just stop feeling hurt ’cause it’s a better story

if God brought us together in our pain.

He denied it for so long.

You know, he tried so hard not to hate me.

I think loving me, making us a full circle was the story he was writing.

I mean, I guess it was the story we were both writing.

I mean, I was trying to get past my guilt.

He was — He was trying to forgive God for the loss of Karin.

♪♪

But, y-you know, ultimately, we learned that…

[Chuckles]

…life just isn’t always so tidy.

♪♪

And God’s plan isn’t always so easy to understand.

♪♪

He’s always been so good with Harriet, and I adore Ruby, but we both started working longer hours, just avoiding coming home.

And then, his sister got sick. She lives in Philadelphia.

So he and Ruby went to Philadelphia to be with her, and…now she’s better, uh, but they’re still in Philadelphia.

[Chuckles]

And… they are not coming back.

♪♪

I had no idea.

Yeah, I mean, I was gonna tell you, but, you know, hundreds of thousands of people were dying.

I just didn’t think my marriage counted as a casualty.

And you were maybe a little too proud to tell me?

Yeah, fine. [Chuckles]

I was a little — a little too proud.

You okay?

It’s hard to say.

But… it looks like I’m moving to Boston.

[Chuckles]

So…

[Humming]

Fingers crossed for new horizons.

Fingers crossed for new horizons.

♪ I know you’re out there, doin’ the best you can ♪

Jackson: No one said it was easy, becoming the person you’re meant to be.

♪ But everybody needs a helping hand ♪

It takes bravery a step into the power you found and earned and deserve.

♪ ‘Cause we’re all alone in this together ♪

♪ But the storm won’t last forever ♪

He’ll come back.

And you’ll visit, and he’ll visit.

I know.

You know, it’s okay to be sad.

It’s hard handing over something you put your life into.

♪ So much light ♪

[Voice breaking] I’m not sad.

It’s just, like, I never in my life felt pride quite like this.

♪ We can hold each other up ♪

♪ We can hold each other up ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Hold each other up ♪

The trick is, to take the people who were there for you, with you.

To remind you you’re not alone.

It’s gonna take a few days, figure out what to tell the chief.

Feels weird to say Boston.

[Scoffs] Feels like a…

[Door creaks]

I don’t know.

It feels “I don’t know” to me, too.

♪ ‘Cause I see hope in togetherness ♪

Thank you. Oh!

♪ So much light ♪

Harriet: Mommy, Daddy!

♪ And so much love ♪

I got her.

You go.

Get ready to go.

♪ There is strength, strength in tenderness ♪

[Door closes]

You have an entire legacy behind you as you create your own.

♪ We can hold each other up ♪

♪♪