03x13 - Vive-La-Rooney

[bunniefuu]

Okay, kids.

Your dad just pulled up into the driveway.

It's his first weekend home from his coaching job, so "Welcome Home" song, just follow my lead.

Anybody order a dad full of handsome?

♪ Pete, Pete, he's our man ♪

♪ He just drove here in a van ♪

How about we just hug him?

- Yes!

- Dad, we missed you!

Oh, I missed you too!

Hey, you notice anything different about me?

Being away has given me a chance to do something I've always wanted to do.

Grow a beard.

And coach college ball.

But look at this beard.

Anything different?

Um...

Oh!

Dude, you totally lost weight.

- Oh!

You whitened your teeth!

- New shoes?

- Come on, it's obvious!

- Thank you, son!

He got a tan.

Oh, you look super tan.

(Theme music playing)

♪ Better in stereo ♪

♪ B...

B...

Better in stereo ♪

- ♪ I'm up with the sunshine ♪

- ♪ Let's go ♪

- ♪ I lace up my high tops ♪

- ♪ Oh no ♪

♪ Slam dunk, ready or not ♪

♪ Yeah, show me what you got ♪

- ♪ I'm under the spotlight ♪

- ♪ Holler ♪

♪ I dare you, come on and follow ♪

♪ You dance to your own b*at ♪

♪ I'll sing the melody ♪

♪ When you say yea-ah-ah ♪

♪ I say no-oh-oh ♪

♪ When you say stop ♪

♪ All I want to do is go, go, go ♪

♪ You, you, the other half of me, me ♪

♪ The half I'll never be-e ♪

♪ The half that drives me crazy ♪

♪ You, you, the better half of me, me ♪

♪ The half I'll always ne-ed ♪

♪ But we both know ♪

♪ We're better in stereo ♪

What up, my geeks?

What are we signing up for?

Virtual gym class?

Modern dance for... wizards?

Mr. Prusko is having a competition to see who can build the best eco-friendly robot.

Full disclosure: I already built a composting robot in the hope that someone would one day create a competition.

Full disclosure: I'm not impressed.

I can build one of those in a day.

Perhaps, if you lived on Venus where an average day is Earth days.

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Overheated.

Uh, Alex, I think you mean "burn."

Thank you for the correction.

Burn.

Well, get ready for a "ro-beatdown."

Oh, it is on, which I'm told is popular street vernacular used to indicate the beginning of a heated competition.

Yo!

You're challenging Alex?

Dude, I'm not even going to go up against her.

She's the best roboticist in the school.

- You just got here, Parker.

- I know.

It's time to take down the biggest, baddest robot-maker at Ridgewood

- to make a name for myself.

- All right, all right.

But you better make sure that robot can give you a big hug when you lose.

I'm just kidding.

I can still do that.

Get in these arms!

Get in 'em!

Oh!

Bam!

What?

That is H-O-R-S-E, college boy!

I win.

I want to redeem myself...

on a higher court.

Do you mean...

Tree-House Horse?

Dad and I are so competitive, we came up with a completely new game: Tree-House Horse.

Later, we realized that we did not have a tree house, so we built one.

It's nice to have an engineering genius in the family.

I calculated the structural engineering schematics to make the tree house safe.

Then they banned me from it just because I added an antenna that would redirect a couple of satellites.

All of a sudden, I'm "unpredictable" and "vaguely maniacal."

I guess nobody wants free cable.

Okay.

Granny-style.

Nothing but net.

Whoo!

Nice sh*t.

But now it's Prime Time's turn.

(Scoffs)

Oh!

You lose, Past Your Prime Time.

I miss that smack talk.

- (Laughs)

- It's good to be home, Mad Dog.

I missed you.

Dad, actually, can we talk about something?

Talk about?

Or compliment?

I just need some advice, and I would definitely go to Mom, but...

she'd want to talk, about my feelings, and I just need a game plan, Coach.

- Should I go get my whistle?

- No, no.

It's not...

Um...

Just...

how am I gonna know when it's time to start dating again?

Wow.

This would be a whole lot easier with my whistle.

Um...

So, there's this guy, and he likes me, and I think...

maybe I like him.

I just don't want to get hurt again.

You know?

Listen.

Do you remember when you hurt your knee?

And you were scared that it would never heal, but you took some time off, you did your exercises, and now, look at you...

you're better than ever.

Yeah, but that's a knee, you know.

Hearts don't really heal like that.

Of course they do.

At some point, you are going to be ready to date again, I promise.

When it's the right guy, you're just going to know.

Cool.

Thanks, Dad.

Are you ready for another devastating loss?

Got to be better than talking about boys.

No way!

The number one talk show in France wants to interview me about Voltage via satellite.

Liv!

Well, honey, That's incroyable!

Oh, bless you.

Incroyable, it's French for "incredible."

I spent four months in France in college.

Remember?

Sweetie, how are you going to do a French interview if you don't understand French?

Uh, well, it looks like they already sent me the question, so I'll probably just answer in English, then they're gonna translate.

Now, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.

If you want to win over the country of (Gutturally)

France...

you are going to want to answer those questions in French.

The will eat it up with le spoon.

Oh.

I mean, um, I only have like a day to prepare, and I don't think I can learn French that quickly, at least without a tutor.

Well, then, look no further.

Okay?

I could whip you into shape in seconds flat.

I've been speaking French to you since you were born.

Remember?

(Singing Alouette)

By the time you were two, you were speaking English and French.

Français is locked in your childhood memories.

We just need to... to coax it out.

Okay, well, coax all you want, but there's no French up there.

Liv, honey, your first word was in French.

Remember?

Papillon.

Uh...

(Mutters in French)

Oh, yeah.

(French accent)

"Butterfly." Oh, well.

How can I argue when you look that adorable?

This is going to be so much fun.

(Giggling)

♪ Doo, doo, doo doo-doo ♪

Oh!

Something covered in a drop cloth.

I love that we live in a house full of perpetual mystery.

Say hello to Munchbot.

(Gasps)

You designed your robot in my likeness.

I'm... honored.

Knock, knock.

(As Munchbot)

Who's there?

(As Joey)

Two Joeys.

(As Munchbot)

Two Joeys who?

(As Joey)

Two Joeys who don't need anyone else in the world.

Behold as Munchbot munches disgusting kitchen waste and turns it into compost.

(Beeping)

Munchbot: Om-nom-nom.

(Whooshes)

I stayed up all night and had to improvise with a few parts, but I'm going to destroy Alex.

- (Bleeping)

- What?

No way!

It shakes and emits gas, just like I do!

No, that wasn't supposed to happen.

All of my improvised parts overloaded the motherboard.

It's totally fried.

But you can still rebuild him, right?

I mean, he's... he's still gorgeous.

The competition is in an hour.

There's no time.

Maybe I'm just not as good as I think I am.

Like, I guess I should go to the competition and... concede defeat.

Are you serious?

You're going to quit?

You?

I really don't have any other choice.

It's not over until we say that it's over, Parker.

And...

I have an idea.

Oh, then it's definitely over.

You want to hear my idea, don't you, handsome?

Yeah, you do.

Get in these arms!

Hey, Mr.

Rooney.

Wow!

New beard?

Looks tight.

Finally!

My man!

I knew I liked you, Josh.

Uh, so what's all this?

Oh, yeah.

Maddie and I just played a game of Tree-House Horse.

From...

from way up there?

Wow.

No...

thank you.

I'm crazy-scared of heights.

Yeah, well, it's Maddie's favorite thing to do, so...

Really?

Huh.

- Well, Liv's waiting for me.

- Yeah.

Hey, Mr.

Rooney, could I ask your advice about something?

He wants my advice.

Maddie wanted my advice.

It's the beard.

It makes me look so wise.

It's totally the beard.

He's like a wizard.

Whose beard?

What...?

I'm sorry.

What are we talking about right now?

Okay, so, I really like this girl, and she might like me back, but I'm not sure.

What do I do?

Allow me to consult the beard.

Find out what she likes to do and then do it.

She'll appreciate the gesture.

Yeah.

Yeah, thanks, Mr. Rooney.

Great advice.

And great beard.

You're my boy, Josh!

- Whoa.

- (Laughs)

Liv, honey, I'm glad you're here.

I have labeled every last thing in this room with its French translation, so that you can ace your French interview.

Okay.

Um, Mom, I don't need to be fluent in French.

I just need to answer five questions about Voltage.

Honey, the French is in there.

We just need to unlock it, and until we do, you are going to eat, breathe and swim in French.

How do you swim in French?

Well, it'll be difficile, but we'll find a way.

Okay.

Um...

let's give it a sh*t.

I'm just gonna go get a snack and then I'm all in.

Oh, oh.

(Clears throat)

Barre de granola?

- Sure, I'd love a granola bar.

- No, no, no, no.

(Speaks French)

Barre de granola?

Barre de granola?

- Barre de gran...

- I'm not hungry anymore.

Mr. Prusko.

May I present my creation.

Ah.

Cold, calculating, emotionless.

And you also made a robot.

Oh, Parker.

Let's take a look at your robot.

Actually, that's what I'm here to tell you.

I didn't come with a robot.

I know.

It was delivered a little while ago.

- It was?

- Yeah.

(Beeping)

Could... could you give me one moment to make some adjustments to my robot?

- Ow!

- What are you doing?

Saving your bacon.

You can thank me later.

With bacon.

(Chuckles)

More Tree-House Horse, Dad?

- Josh?

- Hey, Maddie.

What's...

Why?

What...

Why are you...

What?

Why are you up here?

To play some Tree-House Horse, because that's what you love, even though I'm scared of heights, which I thought I could overcome, but we are way up here.

Dude, seriously?

I mean, if you're afraid of heights, let's just get down.

No, no way.

No way.

This is something that you like to do, so...

here I am.

Josh, why are you doing this?

Because...

I really like you, Maddie...

and I want to go out with you.

Josh, I don't know if I'm ready to go out with anybody yet.

Okay.

Well, that also means you don't know if you're not ready.

I guess that's technically true.

How about we play a game of Tree-House Horse?

If I win, you agree to go out with me on a date.

Okay.

Deal.

Ooh!

This is gonna be sad.

I know you're afraid to look, but, uh, it did go in.

( La Marseillaise playing)

(In French accent)

Welcome, Liv, to Cafe du Mama for Madame Rooney's famous immersion excursion.

Okay, Mom.

This is really very sweet, but this whole trying-to-jog- my-memory-into-speaking-more-French thing just isn't going to work.

I mean, there's no French up here.

Okay, okay.

Just let me try one more thing, and if it doesn't work, I swear, we'll stop.

Okay, but fine.

This is like it, okay?

- Okay.

What are we doing?

- Okay.

Oh!

Oh, we're doing this.

Okay, okay.

Shh!

Sense memory, mon papillon.

Monsieur?

(Singing Alouette)

(Continuing lullaby)

(Sings in deep voice)

(Sings in French)

(Gasping)

(Both singing)

(Speaking French)

We did it!

We unlocked your French!

Oh!

I am gonna crush this interview!

Do you seriously expect us to believe that this is a robot?

It is clearly Joey, painted silver, with some tinfoil glued to his face.

Wow, Mr. Prusko.

I built a robot so lifelike, it passes as human, and she can't take it.

You know what?

I'm offended.

Me and my superior robot are going home.

You know what?

Maybe you should go home.

I challenge you to a contest to see who composts better.

My robot versus your Joey disguised as a robot.

Parker, do you accept the challenge?

Challenge accepted!

What...?

Wait.

What would it involve?

Feeding them buckets of rotten garbage.

If that is truly a robot, it should have no trouble processing these slimy, rancid hot dog chunks and fuzzy noodles.

Okay, Munchbot...

let's get to munching.

- I can't do this!

- Oh yes!

I mean, uh...

(Stammering)

(As Munchbot)

Does not compute.

This isn't really a robot.

It's Joey.

I am victorious.

I shall now go bust a move.

I have minutes before my stand-up comedy class.

Hey.

Why'd you do all this?

Because, man, you were going to quit, and that's not like you.

I just really wanted to show everybody that I was the best, and...

I couldn't.

Look, I know how tough it's been for me to try and figure out high school.

I can't imagine trying to go through it at your age.

But you don't have to conquer this place in your first semester.

Just keep working and don't quit.

Thanks, Munch.

Now get in these arms!

Okay, LeBlond James.

You currently have H-O-R-S, so you miss this one...

Which seems likely.

...then I win.

I will pay for that.

Guess you're off the hook for that date.

I'll see you around.

Wow.

Since when did being vulnerable get so cute?

(Stammers)

Hold on!

I literally could not be holding on any tighter.

So if you won, I was supposed to...

you know, go out on a date with you.

But we actually never really covered what happens if I win.

Okay.

Name your prize.

I think I want you to...

go out with me.

Wait.

What?

Really?

Dad said that I would know when I was ready.

I think I'm ready.

Yeah.

Josh, will you go out with me?

Yes!

Whoo-hoo!

Did you see...?

I was up there so high.

We heard some yelling.

You guys okay?

Oh, Maddie b*at me at Tree-House Horse.

Yeah.

That happens.

Uh, thanks for the girl advice, Mr. Rooney.

Maddie and I are going on a date.

Maddie's the girl?

My beard betrayed me.

I was right.

That beard is wise.

- Oh!

- It's a beard!

That's what's different!

You look nice!

Karen: Barre de granola?