04x09 - Falcon-A-Rooney

[bunniefuu]

We are crushing this project, Val.

I thought it would take a lot longer, but then again, we are geniuses.

Thanks for letting us work here.

I have three little brothers, so my house is like a zoo.

One of them even poops with the door open.

Psh, who does that?

I think you meant to write "boron."

(Giggles)

"I think you meant to write 'boron.'"

Back off, she-devil!

That is my baby brother.

Ha!

I sound like Dad when he was talking about Diggie.

I always thought he sounded so crazy.

(Gasps)

I'mma let girlie know I'm crazy.

Hey!

Ha, ha, ha.

How are you guys?

I'm, uh, I'm Maddie.

I'm Parker's big sister.

They, uh...

they call me Mad Dog.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Val.

Val!

(Clears throat)

Do you mind if I... mind if I sit?

Um... we're kind of working here.

Oh, yeah.

No, I mean, you know.

Pretend I'm not even here.

But don't forget that I am.

(Theme music playing)

♪ Better in stereo ♪

♪ B...

b... better in stereo ♪

- ♪ I'm up with the sunshine ♪

- ♪ Let's go ♪

- ♪ I lace up my high tops ♪

- ♪ Oh no ♪

♪ Slam dunk, ready or not ♪

♪ Yeah, show me what you got ♪

- ♪ I'm under the spotlight ♪

- ♪ Holler ♪

♪ I dare you, come on and follow ♪

♪ You dance to your own b*at ♪

♪ I'll sing the melody ♪

♪ When you say yea-ah-ah ♪

♪ I say no-oh-oh ♪

♪ When you say stop ♪

♪ All I want to do is go go go ♪

♪ You, you, the other half of me, me ♪

♪ The half I'll never be-e ♪

♪ The half that drives me crazy ♪

♪ You, you, the better half of me, me ♪

♪ The half I'll always need ♪

♪ But we both know ♪

♪ We're better in stereo ♪

(Bell rings)

You gotta come see what's happening in the courtyard.

Is somebody challenging me to a dance battle?

Because Falcon...

accepts.

BOOMS is about to unveil a new mascot.

New mascot?

BOOMS has a mascot?

We did.

But one horrible, terrible day...

All chanting: Skeeter!

Skeeter!

Skeeter!

Skeeter!

Skeeter!

Hello, BOOMs.

It is I, Skeeter, your beloved Student Body President and the coolest kid in school.

Today, I give you our new mascot, Boomer the Bonzai Brain!

Ew!

That's not a brain.

It's a poop in a shower cap.

(Deep voice)

That story disturbs me.

I heard that as a tribute to you, our new mascot is going to be a falcon.

(Deep voice)

Well, how about that?

(Deep voice)

No big whoop.

It's just...

(Normal voice)

They built a statue for me!

Me.

(Giggles)

Hello, BOOMs.

It is I, Skeeter, your beloved Student Body President and formerly the coolest kid in school.

Until Falcon took it all away.

Falcon, Falcon!

All chanting: Falcon, Falcon!

(Deep voice)

Sorry, Skeeter.

I have a rabid fan base.

You came to see a new mascot, instead, I give you... revenge!

No!

Yes!

What's going on?

Yeah, who is that guy?

That's not a guy, that's a poop in a vest.

His name is Artie Smalls.

He's come from Wisconsin to take Falcon down!

That's right.

I've traveled from the land of cheese and sausage on a mission.

A mission to tel you that your hero Falcon is a fraud!

But first, what's the Wi-Fi password?

I need to email my mom that I've arrived safely.

Duh, the password's "Falcon."

Minions, type it.

I can't even.

♪ Sometimes in life you've got to Sing It Louder!! ♪

Sasha, did you steal something from my room?

Open your hand.

Sasha, this is the only thing that I have from my mother.

How could you steal this?

I had to know if it matched mine.

What?

How is that possible?

When my mother was dying, she gave me this and told me that the other half belonged... to my sister.

Sister?

You're my sister?

Whoa.

Ah!

Okay, that scene gives me major goosebumps.

Cousins by chance, sisters on TV.

Hey!

Yes, I'm so happy to finally have a sister who can sing.

Don't tell Maddie that I said that.

I won't, she scares me.

Don't tell Maddie I said that.

I'm so excited for this next episode.

It has that great song.

I've been singing it so much that my throat is starting to hurt.

Please don't get sick.

I don't want anything to stop us from doing the next episode.

I am going to stop you from doing that next episode.

I just accepted a job as the set teacher on

♪ Sing It Louder!

(Vocalizing)

♪ Ruby, I had to tell the producers that you cannot sh**t another episode until you finish your science project.

Wait, Ruby.

Have you not been doing your homework?

Learning this week's dance moves seemed more important.

And more fun.

Okay, well, school is always more important.

So, what's the project, Mom?

We are studying kinetic energy.

She needs to design a container that will stop an egg from breaking when dropped from the top of a ladder.

It is a super cool project from a super cool set teacher.

Well, a super cool teacher would just let me pass.

Oh, I'm not that super cool.

(Deep voice)

I can't wait to see what the salt air does to your clown hair.

(Laughs)

Oh!

That's how you talk now?

Okay.

Okay, lemme try.

(Deep voice)

Salt air.

I'm in a leather jacket at the beach.

Blah, blah, blah.

Artie, reveal Falcon's shameful secrets.

Students of BOOMS, tomorrow, I will reveal the hideous truth about this fool you call Falcon.

Tomorrow?

Why can't we take him down right now?

Because the minions and I have a whale watching tour at : .

Minions, California exit.

No one told me we were doing that!

Falcon?

What's Artie talking about?

(Deep voice)

Ignore the red-haired ball of anger.

(Deep voice)

So says Falcon!

(Normal voice)

That red-haired ball of anger is gonna take me down.

So says Joey.

(Whimpers)

Okay, Ruby, so let's drop that egg!

Whoo!

- Here goes.

- Yay!

Okay, so what did we learn?

That I'm a terrible egg dropper and that your fake enthusiasm is annoying?

Ruby, we have to figure something out.

I mean, if you don't pass this then they're gonna write you out of the episode.

I'm trying!

I'm just...

I'm a dancer, not an egg dropper.

Well, you have to figure something out.

I mean, you know, work as hard on this as you do on your dance moves.

You just gave me the best idea.

You're a genius!

I am?

Ha-ha.

I am.

All right, now let's get back to that chemistry project.

You're really good on that board.

(Sighs)

He is, isn't he?

Maddie, hi.

Hey!

Welcome back, Val.

Hey, do you, um...

Do you want some fresh lemonade?

- Sure.

- Parker, go get the girl some lemonade.

Or maybe we could all go in together.

(Groans)

I don't know, I sort of feel like Val likes it out here.

Am I right about that, Val?

Okay.

Thank you, Parker.

So sweet of you.

- Love you.

- (Door closes)

What are your intentions with my little brother?

Uh...

To get an A on our chemistry project.

Ah, yes.

This chemistry project that will allow you two...

to spend so much time together.

And then Parker's gonna get attached, and you're gonna break his heart when you decide to run off to some exotic location to study abroad.

Like, Tundrabania or Australia.

What's happening?

Hi.

(Chuckles)

Val, Parker has your lemonade inside.

So, go there, now, please.

It's okay.

What are you doing?

Saving Parker.

From Val?

The honor student who volunteers at an animal rescue?

Okay, I know she may seem sweet and innocent, but I see right through that.

And Parker just can't.

You know, the girl comes along and just flips her hair to him and the poor boy doesn't stand a chance!

Maddie, our little brother has his first crush and it's cute.

It's like, so cute.

No, 'cause see, Parker's not ready.

Not ready for what?

He's not ready for this big world filled with heartache.

You know, I mean, somebody has to protect him.

And Dad's off in Wisconsin, so I guess that somebody is me.

Okay.

So you are Dad now?

Yes.

Okay.

And you realize how crazy you sound?

Yes.

But you're gonna do it anyway.

Yes.

(Whispering)

(Deep voice)

Excuse me.

Pardon Falcon, thank you.

Well, well, well.

Enjoying your final moments as Falcon?

I didn't think you'd have the guts to show up today.

Well, I just wanted to show everyone my cool new belt.

Dang it!

That is a cool belt!

(Deep voice)

This may be the last time you see Falcon fly.

If it is, it's been an honor.

(Keytar entrance music)

Students of California land, join me as I expose the myth of Falcon.

Okay.

Back in Wisconsin, this boy was Joey Rooney, the laughingstock of Ridgewood High.

He had no friends.

He was a la-hoo-za-her.

You're talking about Falcon?

No way.

Oh, I understand.

You're scientists.

You need evidence.

Well, allow me to prove my hypothesis with a multimedia extravaganza the likes of which you've never seen.

(Fanfare playing)

I present to you my thesis.

This is Joey as failed mascot Bobby Butterstick.

Failed mascot?

I don't believe it.

Believe it!

This is Joey as garbage-eating robot Munchbot.

I can't look at this.

Well, then look at this!

Joey missing out on a date because he trapped himself inside a prank-proof box.

Falcon, say it's not true?

It's worse than I ever could have imagined.

This is the greatest moment of my life, and I've been voted King of Space Camp like multiple times.

Oh, the onslaught continues, my fake astronaut friend.

Joey wasn't even cool enough to come up with his own cool name.

Eat my exhaust.

You'll never catch the Falcon.

(Screeches)

Yes!

Joey Rooney is a fraud.

I am the Falcon.

(Screeches)

You're not deep and mysterious?

You're just a liar.

It's all true.

I should go.

Falcon has been vanquished!

And I once again reign as the coolest kid at BOOMs.

Minions, exit music!

(Keytar exit music playing)

I can't believe he was the coolest kid in school.

California is a strange place.

It is.

For example, here, my minions apparently think they can speak to me!

All right, Ruby.

So get up there and drop that egg.

Hope there's no splatter from the ladder.

See what I did there?

It rhymes.

(Singsongy)

Oh, I make learning fun!

Mm!

Actually, since I finished this late, I'm gonna do better than the ladder.

One egg ready to drop, cuz.

Liv helped me think about the project in terms of something I know: dance.

See, when you leap and spin, it slows down your momentum, which softens the impact.

Let my egg dance, Liv.

Give me an egg drop b*at, Ruby.

♪ Uns, uns, uns, uns ♪

♪ Uns, uns, uns, uns ♪

♪ Uns, uns, uns ♪

(Gasps)

Oh!

The egg did not break.

So I passed?

I can sh**t the episode?

Sure can.

You proved your theory.

You must have had a great teacher.

Both: Nice shirt.

Both: Great minds think alike.

Both: Whoa.

Hey.

Morning, Val.

Can I have everyone's attention for a second?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I let you all down.

I've been an outcast my whole life.

I'm not the cool guy.

I chewed erasers for seven years because my little brother told me they were a type of gum.

I also got him to hug a cactus.

Yeah, he did.

When I came to BOOMS, I saw a chance to reinvent myself.

Yeah, guys, it felt really good to be popular.

But, guys, I'm not Falcon.

I'm Joey.

I'm kitty-T-shirt-wearing Joey.

Wow.

So, you weren't just lying to us, you were trying to become the person you wanted to be.

By lying to us.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, well who here hasn't lied to feel better about themselves?

This morning, I told myself this shirt looked cool, I knew it didn't.

That doesn't make me a bad guy.

Joey, you were brave enough to try something new.

And when it all crashed and b*rned, you owned up to it.

And that's really cool.

Falcon didn't do that.

Joey did.

Hm.

Well, I guess I did, didn't I?

And now you've embraced your loserness to become even cooler than before!

Joey!

Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey!

- (Chanting continues)

- No!

Stop!

How is this still happening?

There is literally never a good reason to have you around.

How was I to know this school would respect honesty?

It's disgusting.

Hey, can you give this to Liv for me?

♪ Sometimes in life you've got to Sing It Louder!! ♪

So... bad news.

Um, a developer is buying Monahan Academy and turning it into a mall.

But that means we'll be separated.

I don't want to lose you again, sis.

No, and you won't.

Because we're gonna save this place, together.

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ Shoulder to shoulder ♪

Both: ♪ We're suddenly smarter and braver and bolder ♪

♪ A little bit younger ♪

♪ A little bit older ♪

Both: ♪ Sister, partner, friend, we're so much better when we blend ♪

♪ Watch us and weep we're the perfect combination ♪

♪ Together, there's nothing that we can't do ♪

♪ Yeah, people will freak ♪

♪ Freak at our peak collaboration ♪

♪ They just don't know the power of two ♪

♪ Me and you ♪

♪ The power of two ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪

♪ We are the sum of our parts ♪

♪ A team that can't be b*at ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Used to, used to be lacking, but now we are complete ♪

♪ Watch us and weep, we're the perfect combination ♪

♪ Together, there's nothing that we can't do ♪

♪ Yeah, people will freak, freak at our peak collaboration ♪

♪ They just don't know the power of two ♪

♪ Me and you ♪

♪ The power of me and you ♪

♪ The power of me and you ♪

♪ The power of two ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪

And just where do you think you're going, young man?

Do you have plans with this "Val" character.

Maddie, you're being so weird about Val.

We're just friends...

ish.

What is your deal?

What is my deal?

Don't you think you should be asking yourself what is her deal?

I mean, you're a young, innocent boy.

And she could hurt you.

Yeah, well, if she hurts me tonight, it will be in the sky box at the Lakers game.

(Door bell rings)

Say what, now?

- Hey, Val.

- Hey, Parker.

Oh, Maddie, I'm glad you're here.

My mom has an extra seat in her sky box.

You wanna come?

I mean...

only if I get to sit next to my best pal, Val.

Great, I'll meet you guys in the car.

Okay.

Val is perfect.

If you mess this up, I will hurt you.

California is a strange place.