04x11 - Tiny House-A-Rooney

[bunniefuu]

Okay, this one is for the pink phone!

Smile.

And this one's for the green phone.

No, can't work that one.

Okay.

Pink, text green.

- Okay.

- Thank you guys so much!

I always love meeting the fans!

And thank you, Mom, for being such a great sport.

Oh, I love seeing people love my daughter.

Besides, it's a hot day, so standing in your shadow is refreshing.

- (Laughs)

- It's you!

You're here!

It is, I am!

(Laughs)

Are you a fan of Voltage or...

♪ Sing it Louder ♪?

No.

Not you!

This alluring brunette.

Alluring?

Been a long time since anyone called me that.

Marlowe Sullivan, Flash Modeling Agency.

I have been scouring Southern California for a model to be in our next campaign.

And you have the face.

- Call me.

- (Gasps)

I'm gonna make you a star.

Would you look at that?

One minute, I'm snapping photos for my daughter, and the next, I'm a world-class model.

Ain't that a kick in the camera.

Yeah.

Mom, that's a scam.

- Oh...

- I mean, real talent agents don't just discover people in malls like that.

Plus, it's highly unlikely that...

Highly unlikely that what?

- No, just that...

- No, no.

No, no.

I know that seeing your mother as alluring is uncomfortable for you.

But news flash: Mama's still got it.

(Chuckles)

Model-walk playlist, go!

(Upbeat dance music plays)

(Theme song playing)

♪ Better in stereo Bet-bet-better in stereo ♪ - ♪ I'm up with the sunshine ♪ - ♪ Let's go ♪ - ♪ I lace up my high-tops ♪ - ♪ Oh, no ♪ ♪ Slam dunk, ready or not ♪ ♪ Yeah, show me what you got ♪ - ♪ I'm under the spotlight ♪ - ♪ Holler ♪ ♪ I dare you, come on and follow ♪ ♪ You dance to your own b*at ♪ I'll sing the melody ♪ ♪ When you say yea-ah-ah ♪ ♪ I say no-oh-oh ♪ ♪ When you say stop ♪ ♪ All I want to do is go, go, go ♪ ♪ You, you, the other half of me, me ♪ ♪ The half I'll never be-e ♪ ♪ The half that drives me crazy ♪ ♪ You, you, the better half of me, me ♪ ♪ The half I'll always need ♪ ♪ But we both know ♪ ♪ We're better in stereo ♪ (Panting)

Okay.

I know that we run five miles every day for basketball, but between you and me, I really only do it because I know that at the end we're gonna get juice.

You want to skip the run, just go for juice?

I could be persuaded.

- (Both chuckle)

- (Plays soft tune)

♪ Sweaty, stinky, but still so beautiful ♪ - Hey!

- ♪ I can smell your socks from where I sit ♪ ♪ These two girls smarter than the rest of you ♪ - (Shouting)

What?

- ♪ Don't believe me ♪ - ♪ Then you better just get ♪ - Hey.

- Hey.

What's up, Eddy?

- Yeah.

Love the new tune.

Thanks.

Hey, haven't seen you two all week.

What gives?

Oh, well, we had midterms, but now we are free as birds!

Sweaty, stinky, beautiful birds.

(All laugh)

- Bye, Eddy.

- Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow.

- You know it.

I'll be here.

- Okay.

Oh, I think I accidentally gave him my juice punch card.

I'm only punches away from a free juice.

Willow is not giving that up.

Oh, hey, what a cool backpack.

Are you going camping?

Uh, sure, if you want to call it camping.

- What do you mean?

- I mean...

I'm homeless.

Seriously?

I...

We didn't know that.

- You don't look homeless.

- Willow!

(Nervous chuckle)

Uh, what she means is you look home...

ful.

(Nervous laugh)

I'm making this so much weirder, huh?

No, no, no, uh...

It's cool.

Uh, I don't look like what people think of as homeless, but I don't have a home, so that kinda makes me homeless.

- I'm so sorry.

- So, no home.

- How did that happen?

- Willow, seriously!

(Whispering)

It's cool.

Well, no one sets out to be homeless.

Sometimes, life takes you there.

Growing up, my family life was... complicated.

So, as soon as I turned , I bolted.

That must have been really hard for you.

Well, I'm not gonna lie, it's no picnic.

But I'll be fine.

Things are gonna come together soon.

I can feel it.

- I'll see you guys tomorrow?

- Both: Yeah.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Both: Mom!

Mom!

(Sighs)

We just FaceGabbed with Dad in Wisconsin.

- And we have awesome news.

- Hm...

Did he give you an update on the rebuild of the house you two destroyed?

Um... we prefer the term unintentionally deconstructed.

Joey: Yeah.

Dad said that the new roof is on!

(Laughs)

You know what that means, Mom?

Yeah.

That we're four walls short of a house.

Yes, but you said, and I quote: "Oh!

What?

I am not giving you two an allowance when there's no roof over my head." And now there's a roof, so you owe us our allowance.

Make it rain, woman.

Make it rain.

All right.

Well, you two caught me on a good day, so I will reinstate your allowance.

(Gasps)

(Both gasping)

She never actually said that.

- We just made it up!

- I can't believe that worked!

Oh, I know I didn't say that.

But Mama's about to have model money.

Enjoy your allowance, but just know that whenever I look at you, there will always be a layer of anger and disappointment.

- Seems fair.

- I get that.

Oh, money, I've missed you so much.

You know what we should do, man?

We should go to the movies.

Oh, yeah.

Custodians of the Cosmos opens this weekend.

Custodians of the Cosmos .

Great idea.

Oh!

It's playing at The Cove in...

-D!

Dude, they found more Ds!

♪ We're going to -D We're going to -D ♪ ♪ We're going to -D ♪ - (Laughs)

- Oh, no.

-D tickets are super expensive.

We can only afford one.

Well, should we just go see the regular version of Custodians of the Cosmos and skip the -D?

(Both laugh)

We might as well just read the book!

- Oh...

- (Both sigh)

- Is there a student discount?

- No.

No, it just says that kids four and under are free.

Challenge accepted!

What a cute four-year-old!

(Laughs)

My baby brother!

My four-year-old baby brother!

What a four-year-old!

Pawka wanna see Crustodians of the Wosmos.

Oh, okie-dokie.

Hi.

Um, we're here for Custodians of the Cosmos .

One adult and one free ticket for a child four and under.

You forgot say "pwease!" Adorable.

What a cute little scamp.

- How old are you, tiny tot?

- Dis manys.

(Sighs)

Yeah.

Okay.

So that's one adult and one teenager posing as a kid to get a free ticket.

Do you think this is my first day on the job?

Wah!

I wanna go movie!

- Oh!

- (Whines)

Dude, I can see your legs sticking out from behind your kneepads.

I will not stand by and watch you destroy this four-year-old boy's dreams.

Now, let us go, Baby P.

(Drill whirring)

All right!

We are done building our pop-a-sh*t!

Yes!

Helping the homeless through the power of hoops!

- Can I get a dream team?

- What?

Uh!

Hey!

We wanted to set up a pop-a-sh*t booth to raise money to help Eddy.

The mall said we could if we promised to keep Joey from painting himself silver and acting like a statue, which, apparently, happens all the time.

Yeah, and, uh, not for money.

He does it for "art." - Crowd goes wild!

- Hey, Maddie.

Hey, Willow.

- Both: Hey, Val.

- Have you seen Parker?

Yeah.

He was, uh, with Joey dressed like a four-year-old, holding a giant lollipop.

Never mind.

I'm not looking for him anymore.

"Help fight homelessness." That's cool.

What made you think to do this?

Um, we actually have a friend who is homeless.

Yeah, he plays guitar at the mall.

- Eddy from The Cove?

- Yeah.

Do you know him?

Sure.

Whenever I'm getting a juice he sings...

♪ Here comes teenage Einstein ♪ ♪ Her favorite juice is watermelon-lime Oh-oh ♪ ♪ It's teenage Einstein ♪ He is a lyrical genius.

We have to help him!

That's great, but you do know that thing you built is about to fall apart.

- Pssht!

- Our pop-a-sh*t?

(Scoffs, laughs)

I tightened every bolt myself.

But did you calculate the center of gravity to maximize load-bearing strength?

Maximize the gravity of what a what now?

(Laughs)

It's okay.

BOOMS has all the tools you need.

- I'm here to help.

- Uh, I think we're okay.

'Cause I mean, I know you know science, but trust us when we say, we know basketball.

Check this.

Bam!

What?!

(Gasping)

So who wants to talk gravity-whatta-what-what?

(Upbeat dance music plays)

- (Music shuts off)

- Oh!

Mom, what are you doing?

Oh, just warming up before my big photo sesh.

Marlowe should be here any minute.

(Chuckles)

What are you doing with your face?

Oh.

So, I did some research on the World Wide Web.

There are three faces that every model must master.

- Mm-hm.

- There's pouty face.

There's flirty face.

There's pouty-flirty face.

(Grunts)

Okay.

Um, Mom, I'm really happy that you're so excited about this, but be careful that you're not getting scammed.

Oh...

I mean, why are they doing the photo sh**t in our house?

Oh, Marlowe says that models sparkle more in their natural surroundings.

Or she's a con artist who doesn't really have a studio.

- Oh..

- Mom, look at me.

This is my "under no circumstances are you to give that woman any money" face.

Funny, it looks an awful lot like your condescending face.

- That's because it is.

- Oh...

You know what?

I can do condescending.

(Chuckles)

Nope, still alluring.

(Upbeat dance music playing)

(Dance music continuing)

(Dance music continuing)

(Dance music continuing)

So, you happy with the sh*ts you got, Marlowe?

Happy?

You are absolutely ideal for this campaign.

(Giggles)

Now there's just the little matter of the check.

I knew it!

There is absolutely no way that my mother is writing you a check.

Of course not, sweetie.

I've written her a check.

Here you go.

Worth every penny.

Oh, thank you.

Great sesh today.

Next time you're at The Cove, you're gonna see your face on a billboard.

Oh, thanks, Marlowe.

Hey, I'll see you at Fashion Week.

(Laughs)

So...

see, Liv?

Completely legit.

I'm sorry.

I stand corrected.

You look great, and it is going to be a very beautiful ad.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

Now, I've got a rack full of clothes a face full of makeup.

You wanna play model with Mama?

I was starting to think that you weren't gonna ask.

- (Both laugh)

- (Upbeat dance music plays)

Thanks for letting us in, Ms. Karsch.

Absolutely, Val.

If you blow anything up, I wasn't here.

And thanks for the cookies.

Look at this place.

Can you believe Joey and Parker go to school here?

I feel so dumb.

Hey, guys.

Your problem was you didn't have enough support between your load-bearing beams.

It's the same idea as building a house.

Did you draw all that while we were talking?

Yeah, it's what you should have done before you built the thing.

It's called making a plan.

- Are you trying to step to me?

- Okay, okay, okay.

Easy, Willow.

So could we even build something this elaborate?

Yeah, sure.

We have all these parts from when we built a prototype for a Mars shelter.

We're just going to recycle them.

Shelter?

Okay, so wait.

Rather than build a pop-a-sh*t, why don't we build Eddy a place to stay until he gets back on his feet?

Maddie, that's a great idea!

We...

We could even use these solar panels to power it.

- Yeah!

- (Whispers)

Do you know how to do that?

- In my sleep.

- Yeah!

Parker, I just figured out a better way for us to go see Custodians of the Cosmos .

Whaa-chow!

I can't even begin to guess.

We are both going to squeeze into this quadruple-XL tracksuit.

Two young boys become one very fat man.

Who only needs one ticket.

And a giant tub of popcorn!

(Funky music playing)

(Slurping)

- Parker: How do we look?

- Large and in charge, Parker.

Large and in charge.

-D, here we come!

(Funky music playing)

(Gasps)

It smells like a hamster cage in here.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's probably because I had hamsters in there earlier.

Now, get down.

(Guffaws)

Afternoon.

Afternoon.

Hello!

One ticket for Custodians of the Cosmos .

-D of course.

- Don't I know you?

- Uh...

(Laughs)

Me?

No.

No, no, no.

Not me, I'm just a burly bloke looking for the air-conditioned relief of a cool theater.

Enjoy the show.

Oh-ho-ho!

Will do, will do.

(Laughs)

Yeah!

We did it, Parker.

Both: ♪ We're going to -D We're going to -D ♪ ♪ We're going to -D ♪ - Whoa!

- Dang!

No!

(Clears throat)

And one large popcorn, please.

- Just stop.

- Ah...

Ah!

All right.

It, uh, looks great.

I kind of think we're done.

- Are we ready?

Is it time?

- I believe it is.

- Both: Bam!

What?!

- Whoo!

- Hey!

- (Laughing)

Hey, Miss Karsch.

Check it out.

Wow!

What is this?

An eco-friendly, tiny house made entirely from repurposed materials.

We built it for our friend who is homeless, and we also got the City of Santa Luego to allow temporary structures like this in Oceanside Park.

We had to promise the Parks Department that we would keep Joey from painting himself silver and posing like a statue there.

- Apparently, he does this all around town.

- (Laughing)

You dated that guy.

(Laughing)

Hey, I know of a grant program that is looking to fund innovative ideas.

- I think this more than qualifies.

- Seriously?

That would be so awesome!

And if you get the grant, you could design and build tiny houses for homeless people all over the country.

Oh!

Yeah, I mean, we're in.

What do we have to do?

Because when Mad Dog wants something done, she gonna get it done!

It's a simple application.

But remind me never to cross you.

Dude!

Did you hear that?

We could build so many more of these, and these could help so many people!

And here comes the first one.

- You ready?

- For you to take your hands off my eyes?

Yeah, a little bit.

Hmm.

What's this?

This is your new home.

I mean, for now.

(Chuckles)

Really?

We know times are hard, so we wanted to make things a little easier for you until you get back on your feet.

Yeah.

And, I mean, everybody deserves a safe place to live.

And people have to do whatever they can to make that happen, so...

(Sighs)

I don't know what to say.

♪ People say the best gifts ♪ ♪ Come in small packages ♪ ♪ And I think it's true ♪ ♪ And I'm not alone ♪ ♪ I can't believe I can finally say ♪ ♪ I'm home sweet home ♪ Oh, actually, that reminds me.

(All laugh)

Okay!

Marlowe said your ad would be up on the billboard today.

- This is so exciting!

- Joey?

I'm a statue.

Don't talk to me.

Yeah, that's really not gonna be a problem.

Oh, no.

Looks like my ad's not up yet.

Well, I guess I'll just go get us a juice while I still have my anonymity.

Okay.

(Sighs)

(Gasps)

Oh, no!

No, no!

Gross neck?

No!

Oh, Mom is gonna have her heart broken if she sees this!

(Gasps)

Is my neck gonna look like that someday?!

- (Sobs)

- Hey, hey.

Mom's coming.

Oh!

Ah!

- Liv.

- Yeah?

- What are you doing?

- Nothing.

I was just... relaxing.

- Okay.

- Just, you know...

- Here's your juice.

- Oh, thank you so much!

You know what?

We should go drink these in the car.

Oh!

Oh, I think I forgot to get my juice card punched.

(Moaning)

Do you see this?

I'm so sorry, Mom.

Mom?

Say something.

I'm a model.

I'm a professional model!

(Laughs)

That's me!

Hey!

My gross neck is famous!

(Laughs)

That's me!

Look at us.

The three Rooneys.

All in show business.

Val: ♪ It's teenage Einstein ♪