03x08 - Rifting Apart

[bunniefuu]

Gary obviously left this translation of the lost pages for us to find.

Though he may have found a way to open the rift.

Rift?

We believe it's a mystic passage between the human sphere and the Dead lands.

Pablo Ruby k*lled me with the dagger.

I'm pretty sure I'm dead.

Well, in Rome they called me mulier daemonium de igne.

Demon Woman of fire.

Kaya.

I have a vessel.

So there's this dance tonight at school and...

You want to go to a school dance when evil is circling.

There's a k*ller in the school.

My God.

Brandy?

What is this place?

Take it out back.

Expand the search for Ash Williams to state lines.

That son of a bitch is gonna pay for what he did.

Poor kids.

Everything is all messed up, because of Ruby.

Save it, Pablo.

We went mano on Ruby and she took the belt.

I couldn't even save my own daughter, and now you're telling me that the Kelly we know and love isn't even Kelly?

Kel told me herself.

I think her spirit's stuck in that crazy rift place.

Ruby k*lled her and now some demon's taken over her body.

Man, you know it's bad when you don't know who's alive, who's dead, or somewhere in between...

Save my soul!

Wait a New York minute.

Knowby!

Yeah.

Ruby Knowby.

She's the demon puta that we got to f*cking shank.

No!

No, no, no.

Professor Knowby.

Thirty years ago, his spirit got stuck in what the book said was a rift in time and space.

Now if you've talked to dead Kelly, Brandy's in there too!

All we have to do is get into that rift, grab them, walk away Ray.

Yeah, I don't Jefe.

I want 'em back as bad as you do, but that sounds crazy risky.

Pablo I lost my daughter on my watch.

I gotta do something.

So you wanna jump into the thing that turned that Knight into a what the.

To save those two?

I would submit to a prostate exam.

sh*t, Jefe?

You want to put Brandy's spirit back into her body, right?

I think we've got a problem.

Coroner?

Wait a second, those vultures put her on a slab, she's gonna be sushi!

Pablo, I gotta get my hands on my little girl's body before they do.

How did I get here?

What is this place?

Dad?

Dad!

Dad!

Dad, if you're in there, please help me!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Is anybody here?

Where am I?

Help!

Help!

Take my hand.

Help!

No!

If it finds you, it'll take you too.

We'll have to put her in the other way.

Great.

Yeah.

Jefe, hold up.

Brandy's body's not the only one back there.

Well, we'll bring it back.

Or dump it in some well-ventilated area.

Ha ha!

Still got it.

Hey!

Hey!

sh*t!

Step on it Ash.

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Let me in!

Just like old times!

Pablo, take the wheel.

I've gotta make sure Brandy's cinched up tight.

Next stop, my evil cellar.

You got it, Jefe!

sh*t!

Okay!

I'm sorry I let you down, kiddo.

But I promise you this, if you're still out there somewhere, I'll bring you home.

You're that Knight guy, right?

Kelly's friend?

Pablo said you.

Went demon?

Yeah, I did.

And then when the evil was finished with me, I woke up here.

What's your story?

My high school counselor was a demon.

Ruby?

Yeah, I met her.

That one's bad news.

Tell me about it.

So is this hell?

I don't know.

I feel like maybe Hell's the next stop.

We need to move.

Come here.

All right.

Where are we going?

It's hard to explain, but we think we found a place that thing doesn't come around as much.

Wait, "we"?

Look, we're gonna make a run for the theater.

When you hit the door, go wherever it leads and take cover.

Okay.

Ready?

Yeah.

Let's move, go go go.

That was a sweet ride, Jefe.

Nice drivin', Pablo, but party time is over.

We gotta get Brandy inside and cheat us some death.

Hey.

Brandy?

Don't tell me that Ruby got you too!

Kelly?

And you don't ever disappear like that again.

What?

You miss me?

Sssh, sssh, sssh.

Come on, come on.

How come we're in the bar?

I know.

It's f*cking weird?

Stuff doesn't work here like it does in the real world.

Yeah, but none of that matters, right?

Because you have a plan to get us out.

I hate to say it Brandy, but right now "duck and cover" is the best plan we got.

Okay, so where is that Knight chick who was kinda hot.

I thought she was standing guard down here?

Zoe?

Yeah.

This was the last place I saw her.

Alright, we got some ladies to bring back to life.

So, how do we do this?

This is your plan, I thought you knew!

Come on, man.

I don't know anything about this rift crap!

You're the Cuervo Especial...

El Brujo Especial.

Yeah, whatever!

You shake your little rattle, say some juju words, I jump in the rift.

Yeah and come back demon-ized like that Knight guy?

That didn't work with Kelly!

Yeah, but she was...

What?

A girl?

No.

Jefe.

Hot?

Pregnant?

You dog!

Did you?

No, Jefe.

I think in order to get to this evil dead place is if...

Is to get really wasted and do some 'shrooms?

I can do that in my sleep.

No.

I think you gotta let the evil k*ll you.

Okay, stop!

It's one thing to "read from an evil book and bad sh*t plagues your life." I never said anything about the "D" word in all of my plans.

Alright, well I don't have any other ideas, so that's all I got!

Boy.

All right.

I'll do it for Brandy and Kelly.

So let's go find some "evil" to finish me off.

Um, okay...

The dagger.

What if you use this?

Brandy was k*lled by it.

What if you just s*ab yourself?

Really?

Could work?

Well, I guess if it's the only way...

Okay, no.

Forget it.

You...

You do it.

You do it.

I'm not doing it.

Okay.

Yeah, right here.

Yeah, I don't know if I can k*ll you, Jefe.

I mean, what if the rift thing doesn't work?

What!

I mean it could work.

It could not work.

I don't know, man.

I'm new to this sh*t.

All right, screw it.

We'll do it together.

All right?

On the count of three.

Ready?

One...

two...

two and a half...

Three!

sh*t!

Was that...

three?

Ohhhh!

sh*t!

f*ck!

Jefe!

Ohhhh!

You just gimme a sign and I'll be standing right here, ready to open this rift as soon as possible!

That didn't work for sh*t.

Pablo, we gotta k*ll me again.

And this time we gotta do it right.

That's probably good and bad at the same time.

Maybe I am in that dead place.

Brandy?

Sperm bank?

Can't believe you k*lled yourself.

Well...

sort of k*lled yourself.

Did you hear that?

f*ck!

Don't go anywhere.

Brandy?

Brandy?

Brandy?

f*ck.

So you're saying it's hopeless?

That everyone that lands here gets taken by that thing?

Most of 'em don't even fight it.

But me and Dalton, we figured, f*ck it, might as well go down swinging.

This isn't the outside of the sperm bank.

Ash?!

What the f*ck?!

Holy crap, Pablo was right!

Dad!

You came back for us!

Hell yeah, I did.

I'm not gonna let evil mess with our little family.

That includes you too, Kel-ster.

Thanks.

The jury's out on Darwin here.

All for one and one for all.

For god sake, man!

Don't-don't do that.

Wait.

You-you got your hand back!

Yeah, it's it's kind of weird how often that happens.

You don't look thrilled, Kelly.

Ash, I'm always happy to see that indestructible blue shirt come to the rescue, but dude, if you're here, doesn't that mean you're dead too?

Yeah.

Kandarian dagger right in the pump.

Ruby k*lled you too?

Nah.

That was all me.

What?

You k*lled yourself to get here?

Dude, are you out of your f*cking mind?!

Yes, I would be if I didn't have a plan.

You have a plan.

Well...

an idea of a plan.

Brandy?

Brandy?

Are you up here?

Brandy.

f*ck.

Slash prices!

Ready to die, assh*le?

You're not Brandy!

Good eye.

Maybe I'll eat that first!

Okay, we just gotta get to that cellar in one piece.

Then if Pablo has done his Especial thing right, we just jump through the rift, get our bodies out of hock.

Getting past that thing won't be easy.

You open a door here, you have no idea where you might come out.

It's cellar or bust, you understand?

Kelly.

Brandy.

You ready?

Let's go home, Dad.

Okay, follow me.

Careful.

The floor might be a little sticky.

Okay, last time this door went right to the cellar, so get ready for some big time rift action.

Really?

Here?

Well, at least we're close.

No!

No...

those bastards k*lled the classic too?

I say we rush that soul-sucker piece of sh*t.

It can't take us all down.

No.

I'll create a distraction.

When it comes after me, you three haul ass.

Dad, no!

I'll do it.

What?

Save Kelly and your daughter, Ash Williams.

And when you send that bitch Ruby to hell, tell her I'll be waiting.

Hey, Dalton, you don't have to...

Dalton?

Dalton wait!

Hey!

Over here!

Hey!

Come on you clicky son of a bitch!

Screw you mother fucker!

Come on!

Come get some!

Alright.

Alright.

What the hell are you doing?

This sweet baby has bailed me out of more jams than a fistful of lube on a Saturday night.

What are you waiting for?!

I'm just gonna shove this thing right through that soul sucker and into the store.

Ha ha ha!

What are you waiting for mother fucker?!

Ash it's not gonna work.

Nothing works down here.

Right, 'cause we're dead.

I got it.

We're not so dead that we can't try.

That's not good.

Come on baby, come on baby!

sh*t!

Hey!

Over here you psychotic son of a bitch.

You want some of this?

Come and get it!

Dalton!

No!

Dalton!

Go f*ck yourself!

Dalton!

f*ck!

f*ck!

You were assembled in Livonia, Michigan.

You can do this!

Come on, baby!

Come on!

Great.

I'm gonna be buried in this boner mobile!

At least we'll die together.

Did you hear what I said?

Evil is not the boss of us!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Hang on!

Yeah!

Okay, ladies, buckle up.

Last stop.

Shake a leg!

Well, your Knight buddy sure came through when it mattered.

Yeah, I just hope it was worth it.

Where's the rift?

Pablo, you had one job!

Looking for someone Brujo Boy?

It's Brujo Especial, bitch.

Please...

Break it...

Pablo...

One...

You had one job!

Pablo...

Jefe.

Come on, Pablo, do your thing!

I hope this works.

Guru...

That's my Pablo.

f*ck!

Kelly, what's the matter?

This is no time to dawdle.

Something's keeping me from coming through!

What...

Bye Ash.

Jefe?

It didn't work.

Jefe...

sh*t!

Pablo, you look like sh*t.

Welcome back!

You made it through!

Yeah.

Most of me, anyway.

Where's Brandy.

Yeah, about that.

You don't actually remember checking in that bag to see if it was her body you brought down here, do you?

God!

I didn't think so.

Little help here.

Get me out of this thing, please!!

We're coming, we're coming.

Dad?

My God, you did it!

I guess so kiddo.

Come on.

Okay, one problem solved, two to go.

Kelly?

She's still down there.

Ghostbeaters never leave a man behind.

Ruby what are you doing?

We are f*cked.

When the Dark Ones arrive, their vengeance will be merciless.

We betrayed them Ruby.

Left them trapped all this time.

They will destroy us.

What's that?

One of the Knights.

She was watching the house.

Ash must have told her where to find us.

f*ck you, demon!

She is a feisty one.

You are a persistent bunch.

Mulier daemonium de igne.

Florence Latin.

Kaya, I know what to do.

Kaya?!

The traitor!

How could you do this to us?

To mankind?

What did she promise...

What are you going to do to me!?

Relax.

You're gonna help us re-write our destiny.