05x11 - Something Wilder

[destinyros2005]

Episode 513 - Something Wilder

[Scene: Jen has her hands over Dawson's eyes as she leads him from the front door through Grams' house and into the kitchen.]

Jen: Ok, stop stepping. Stop, ok. Ok, there we go. No peeking. No peeking.

Dawson: I'm-- I'm not peekin'. Trust me.

Jen: Cheaters never prosper.

[Both laugh]

Jen: Ok. Ok, curve to the right. Curve to the right.

Dawson: This way?

Jen: Ok. Now we're comin'--

Dawson: [Jen runs him into the door.] ow! Duh.

Jen: Sorry.

Dawson: It's ok.

Jen: It was the door.

Dawson: Yeah.

Jen: Ok, there's a chair. Ok, sit down in the chair. Sit down in the chair. Ok. All right. Open your eyes.

Dawson: Ok, you realize for the "hands over the eyes" game to work the present has to be on the table, right?

Jen: You realize that to criticize the method in which the presents are presented means that you will never get presents again.

Dawson: You're very pretty.

Jen: All right. Since it is your big day, and we missed the requisite back-to-school shopping--

Dawson: You mean like the sale at old navy?

Jen: Right, because nothing smells more like the first day of school than cheap fleece, um, but I was thinking more along the lines of the basics. Number one, number two pencils.

Dawson: Aw, a classic.

Jen: Pencil sharpener. Loose-leaf binder paper. Little reinforcement tabbies for loose-leaf binder paper.

Dawson: Impressive. Very good.

Jen: Pens. Erasers. Erasers. Um, and a ruler.

Dawson: No math at film school, but I appreciate the thought.

Jen: And finally, la piece de la resistance. [Jen pulls an "E.T." trapper keeper from the bag.]

Dawson: Oh, my god.

Jen: [Laughs] I really wanted to get some Reese's pieces so I could put 'em in the little plastic pencil holder thingie, but I felt like it would be too much.

Dawson: Nice show of restraint on your part. [Laughs] Thank you, Jen.

Jen: So, are you a little nervous?

Dawson: No, not at all. It's three classes, you know? Nothing too overwhelming, which is the key.

Jen: Yeah, that's good. You're just gonna ease right into it. That rigorous college schedule of napping and drinking.

Dawson: That's the plan. What, uh, time is your show?

Jen: Um... uh, it's really soon is what it is. Um, I should actually finish getting ready. Uh, will you meet me later for lunch?

Dawson: I would love to. [Dawson walks around the counter and kisses Jen goodbye.]

Jen: Baby, I gotta go.

Dawson: Ok. Ok.

Jen: Wait! Baby, baby. You forgot your trapper keeper.

Dawson: Oh. An oversight on my part. Couldn't want to leave the house without this.

Jen: Mmm. [Giggles]

Dawson: Thank you.

Jen: Bye-bye. [Giggles]

[Dawson walks towards the front door.]

Jen: Have a good day at school, sweetie. [Giggles] [Turns around and whispers] He's so cute!

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: Joey and Elliot are having a discussion in her dorm room.]

Elliot: Admit it. It's one step above a Jackie Collins novel. It's all smut and no substance.

Joey: Well, I didn't realize you were so familiar with Jackie's work. I mean, don't be ashamed or anything.

Elliot: Don't go changing the subject doin' your little hair flippy thing, tryin' to distract me. I'm wise to your ways, Potter.

Joey: [Laughs] I'm sorry. What were we talking about again?

Elliot: [Sighs] I just want you to admit that the only reason you like Professor Wilder's book is because you think he's cute.

Joey: Well, I can't, because that's not true. It is painfully obvious that the only reason you don't like his book is because you think it's affecting your mojo with the ladies.

Elliot: Well, that shows how little you know me. I have no mojo to speak of.

Joey: I think you have a little.

Elliot: So, can I ask you a question?

Joey: You can. Ok. On Friday night, unless you're busy, and I know it's only Monday, but, you know, sometimes people, like, make plans for trips or something kind of early, so-- Elliot? Would you maybe want to see something? Or... eat something? With me?

Joey: Are you asking me to dinner and a movie?

Elliot: Kind of, but dinner and a movie just sounded so... date, you know? And this way, you know, it sounded much better. To me... in my mind.

Joey: I would love to... eat and see something with you on Friday. Really?

[Audrey walks in wearing shades and immediately turns her head away from Joey and Elliot.]

Audrey: Whoa! Whoa! Am I interrupting? Are there naked people in here?

Joey: No!

Audrey: [Turns to face them] Oh. Bummer. Well, well, well. Looking swanky! Do I detect some product in your hair? Are we moussing?

Elliot: You know, that's my cue, so... uh, I'll see you in class.

Joey: I'll be there.

Elliot: Bye, Audrey.

[Joey and Audrey stare at Elliot as he exists the room.]

Audrey: Hmm. Someone's got a boyfriend.

Joey: Audrey, your elementary school methods of taunting aren't gonna work this time.

Audrey: Who's got a boyfriend? Joey's got a boyfriend! [Leans over and tickles Joey.]

Joey: Ok, ok, tickle me one more time, I swear I will bite you.

Audrey: Seriously, Joey. What's going on with you and nice guy? Is he, like, your steady or what?

Joey: His name is Elliot, first of all. He's not my boyfriend. I have no boyfriend. We're just... getting to know each other.

Audrey: But you like him?

Joey: What's not to like? He's A...[they both reply at the same time] nice guy.

Audrey: Nice guy.

Audrey: Oh! [Laughs]

Joey: Bye. [Gets up and leaves.]

[Scene: Frat House. Jen walks through the front door in a sexy dress/skirt, wearing black boots. She makes her way towards Jack, walking around and stepping over some of the frat brothers. Jack is sh**ting pool with one of his brothers. Jack and Jen start up a conversation.]

Jen: [Slightly leans over the pool table.] Oh! Jack, why do I feel like all the boys are looking at me?

Jack: Well, because all the boys are looking at you.

Jen: Oh. Listen, as much as I enjoy being your very own personal postal service worker, I feel like it's time that you should start forwarding your mail the old-fashioned way.

Jack: Ok. Thanks, Jen. I'll, uh, I'll get to that today.

Jen: Ok. And, uh... this letter came for you, which looks kind of official. It's from a college, so I thought...

Jack: [opens and reads the letter.] hmm. Hey, come on, you wanna play?

Jen: Jack, you are on academic probation!

Jack: Sure, Jen, you can read my mail. I have no problem with that.

Jen: Well, I'm sorry, but, oh, my god, what happened? What were your grades?

Jack: I failed a few classes.

Jen: A few?!

Jack: Yeah, it's no big deal. I'll make it up this term.

Jen: Yeah, but when they put you on academic probation--

Jack: Jen! You can play, you can go. [Jen walks off.]

[Scene: Dawson walks down the sidewalk on campus observing the scenery. Different buildings are shown as Dawson circles. He looks to be astonished by what he sees. He walks into the V.A.B. building.]

[Scene: Oliver is upstairs in the V.A.B. building leaning over a fellow students shoulder looking and discussing something on a computer screen.]

Oliver: So, it's better now, right? Ok.

[Turns and looks over the banister and sees Dawson.]

Oliver: [Shouts] Hey! Dawson leery!

Dawson: [Shouts] Oliver, right?

Oliver: Like you don't remember. [Walks downstairs.] Hey! So... you're here. You've chosen. Fantastic.

Dawson: Thanks for the tip.

Oliver: Don't mention it. Now, let me fill you in on some of the basics of our little school.

Dawson: Cool.

Oliver: I heard the, uh-- the girl with the braids? Claims to have done the nasty with Tarantino, like that's an accomplishment, right? [Laughs]

Dawson: I think she heard you.

Oliver: Now, the guy with the beret? Amazing D.P. Picasso with his lighting. Too bad his ego's the size of a small country.

Dawson: [Talking to the bad ego guy.]Hi. I'm new here.

Oliver: Mmm. Now, the guy up there, wrote and directed the worst piece of dreck ever to come out of a film school!

Dawson: You know what? I'll just--I'm just gonna, uh... introduce myself around.

Oliver: Ok. Hey. Hey. Whatever floats your boat.

[Scene: Radio Station. Jen is taking radio callers while she plays with her stuffed bear and smells the flowers on her console.]

Jen: Well, for those of you who have tuned in expecting to hear Nick Drake: Get with the program, people. I've been doing this for weeks. This is Jen Lindley, and I'm here to answer any questions that you may have concerning matters of the heart. Or the groin. Caller number one, you're on the air.

Audrey: [Talks on the phone while she does her yoga exercises.] Uh, Jen, hi. Audrey Liddell here. Ok, my question of the day is this: Why do guys do anything to get your phone number, but once they have it never use it properly? I mean, why do they only use it for a booty call? Oh, and footnote: Where does the term "booty call" come from? I mean, if "booty" means "sex," why don't people ever say, "let's go have booty"?

Jen: Oh, first of all, uh, I just wanna reiterate, Audrey, that you don't have to use your full name every time that you call in to the radio show, because it's supposed to be confidential.

Audrey: Yeah, well, I have nothing to hide, sugarplum.

Jen: Secondly, callers, your questions do not have to be relegated to topics of a sexual nature. There is so much more to life than... booty. There's love and... romance and tenderness...

Audrey: Are you done with the public service announcement? Great. Ok, so here's what happened. Saturday night, I'm wearing my new vin baker boots. I'm looking good. I meet this guy--let's just call him buttface.

Jen: Audrey, I'm gonna stop you right there, 'cause I already know what's wrong.

Audrey: You do?

Jen: You are just bathing in negative energy. You've lost the love.

Audrey: I've lost the what?

Jen: The love. And you should find it, you should nurture it, and you should share your laughter and a warm cup of tea with a man who is worthy of loving you in return.

Audrey: You want me to have tea with a worthy man?

Jen: I don't wanna see you close the door on possibilities, Audrey. I wanna see you open up. Let the sunshine in.

Audrey: Ok. I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to Jennifer Lindley.

Jen: Caller number two: You're on the air.

[Scene: Jack is standing in the foyer of the Frat House while holding a football.]

Jack: Hey, what's up, dude? You wanna play a little mud football with us?

Blossom: Oh, can't. Got a lady comin' over. Oh, speakin' of which, I heard you had a cute little number over here this morning. Blonde, petite?

Jack: Yeah, that was just Jen, the walking buzzkill. And she's taken, by the way.

Blossom: What? You two have another argument?

Jack: Nah, she just came over to harass me about my grades.

Blossom: What's to harass? I thought our man McPhee was on the honor roll back in high school.

Jack: I was. I was. But now I'm on academic probation. [Chuckles] Who says men can't change, right?

Blossom: Dude, you're on academic probation? That's not cool.

Jack: No worries. I'll make it up this term.

Blossom: Yeah. You will. You see, we can't have our nibs failing out the first semester. That makes us look bad. I'm gonna have the dean breathing down my neck, and I don't need that.

Jack: I said I'll make it up, all right? You don't have to worry about it.

Blossom: Well, I hope not. Maybe you should be studying instead of playin' football. We got a quiz in Soc. comin' up, don't we?

Jack: I don't see you studying.

Blossom: Well, that's because I'm not on academic probation.

[Scene: Dawson, Oliver, and classmates sitting in theater seats while watching a film for class.]

Dawson: What is this?

Oliver: My new script.

Dawson: Cool. You want me to read it?

Oliver: Even better. I want you to direct it.

Dawson: Oh, I can't--I'm not lookin' for--

Oliver: no, no, no. Read it.

Wilder: Quiet.

Oliver: Then we'll talk.

Dawson: All right.

Oliver: Awesome trapper keeper!

Dawson: Thanks.

[Scene: Joey is walking down the campus sidewalk and Elliot sh**t out of no where.]

Elliot: H-how do you feel about Indian food?

Joey: Excuse me?

Elliot: For Friday. Some people have a problem with curry. I'm not one of them, but if you don't enjoy Nan, then, really, what's the point?

Joey: You are so odd.

Elliot: Am I too odd?

Joey: No! [Laughs] I'll keep you posted.

Wilder: You're both late for my class.

Joey: So are you.

Wilder: Good point. Hello, Elliot.

Elliot: Hey, professor. Uh, I'm gonna get goin' now.

Joey: Ok. Bye. [Joey starts heading to class.]

Wilder: You, wait. I have news on the Lazare front.

Joey: Uh-oh. Good news or news that means I'll be in the files all weekend?

Wilder: Oh, how quickly they turn. We're finished. Or, rather, you're finished. I now plan on benefiting from the fruits of your hard labor by getting published in an obscure journal that no one, not even my mother, will wind up reading. So, what do you say?

Joey: About what? You know, for an English teacher, you don't talk too good.

Wilder: Dinner, Friday night. I'm taking you all out to celebrate. Was that better?

Joey: Much.

Wilder: Good. It's gonna be fancy, so wear your best jeans.

Joey: Not a problem. I'll be there.

Wilder: Great. And now you're officially late for my class. Tsk, tsk, tsk. What are we gonna do with you, Joey Potter?

Joey: Friday night. [Talking to herself.]

[Scene: Jen and Dawson are talking in Grams' kitchen]

Jen: So, are you gonna talk to Oliver today? You've been puttin' it off all week.

Dawson: I know. I know.

Jen: I mean, is the script really that bad?

Dawson: No. I don't hate it at all. There's a lot of really good stuff in there. I have a couple ideas how to make it better.

Jen: Naturally.

Dawson: But there's no point in getting into it, because I'm not gonna direct it, so--

Jen: but I don't see why, I mean, if the script isn't bad?

Dawson: It's not my script. I mean, I don't know how to direct somebody else's words. I don't even want to. I wanna do my own stuff.

Jen: Oh, that's cool. So, do you have, um, some unproduced material lying around that I just haven't heard about?

Dawson: That's not the point. The point is I don't wanna direct anything right now. A project like that completely takes over your life, and my life is just starting to feel normal, you know. I'm not ready to make that kind of commitment to a film. Especially somebody else's film.

Jen: Oh, I see.

Dawson: I know what you're doin'. I've been to therapy. I know the tricks.

Jen: Ok. As the supportive girlfriend, I am required to tell you when you have that look in your eyes, and... you've got a twinkle.

Dawson: Or maybe that's just 'cause I'm around you.

Jen: Oh, naturally, I contribute to the twinkle, but I do not take full credit for the twinkle. Dawson, you like this script, so why don't you just talk to him? Why don't you just see what he has to say?

Dawson: I'll think about it.

Jen: Ok, I gotta go. My producer wants to talk to me before the show.

Dawson: Ok. Still on for lunch?

Jen: Absolutely.

Dawson: Cool. [Laughs] Come here!

[Scene: Scented candles burning in the fore front, Pacey waiting impatiently while Audrey is finishing her yoga workout and Joey is sitting at her desk.]

Pacey: Carpooling to work was a mistake. I see that now.

Audrey: [Exhales loudly] Don't get your panties all in a bunch. I'm finished. Anyway, we can't leave until we help Joey with her little dilemma.

Pacey: What dilemma?

Joey: Nothing.

Audrey: Joey made two dates for the same night.

Joey: Audrey? When my eyes bug out like this, what does that mean in your world?

Pacey: How very Marcia Brady of you, Jo. So, tell me. Who are the lucky contestants?

Audrey: Well, behind door number one, we have nice guy.

Joey: His name is Elliot, for god's sake.

Audrey: A sweet young lad who's quite smitten with our Joey. Cute, funny, wears sweater vests, which is the only strike against him thus far.

Pacey: That's bad.

Audrey: So, who's behind door number two?

Joey: Can we not do this?

Audrey: Ah, yes, the professor. The forbidden fruit, if you will.

Joey: He's not fruit. He's my teacher, and it's not a date, it's an academic group activity with the entire--

Audrey: well, which doesn't mean that it couldn't end up with date-like circumstances, the two of you wrapped around each other like squid.

Joey: Oh, beautiful image, Audrey, but not one that I'm entertaining. And if I were to cancel on Elliot tonight, it would only be to further my academic career.

Pacey: Oh. Hey, now, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you already way ahead of the curve on the academic career? The only thing you don't have goin' for you right now is a social life, right?

Joey: I have a social life. Well, what is this? Socializing.

Audrey: All right, listen. I'm all for you bedding down with a gorgeous professor.

Pacey: Oh, yeah. Been there, done that. It's good.

Audrey: But, quite frankly, I don't think you have the guts. Which is fine, because nice guy has serious boyfriend potential. Which means that there's no reason not to go out with him. Unless... unless...

Joey: Unless what?

Audrey: Well, unless you're not ready for a boyfriend yet.

Joey: Why wouldn't I be ready for a boyfriend?

Audrey: Boyfriends are time-consuming things, and... some people think that they're ready, but they're not, and... it's not just going to dinner a bunch of times and gettin' greasy afterwards.

Pacey: It's not?

Audrey: No! It's letting your guard down. You know, getting past the small talk and really allowing yourself to be intimate with somebody new. Are you really sure that you're ready to do that?

Joey: Yes. 100% ready.

Audrey: Ok. Great. Then I guess you'll be going out with nice guy tonight.

Joey: Ok.

Pacey: Let's go.

[Scene: Jack walking up the sidewalk to the Frat House and some of the Frat Brothers are out on the lawn.]

Blossom: Hey, McPhee!

Jack: Hey.

Blossom: So, what did I miss?

Jack: Not much. We got our quizzes back.

Blossom: Oh, yeah? How'd you do? [Jack displays the 'A' on his quiz.] Oh, nice!

Jack: Nice!

Blossom: Yeah.

Jack: Glad you approve.

Blossom: Hey. Look, I didn't mean to get all up in your face before. I was just lookin' out for you. You know I got your back, right?

Jack: Really? 'Cause it didn't feel like you had my back. It felt more like you were on it.

Blossom: You took it wrong, then. Hey, how 'bout we do it up right tonight? You know? Celebrate your accomplishment. What do you say?

Jack: Yeah. All right. Sounds good.

Blossom: All right? Let's go tell the boys.

Jack: Yeah. All right.

[Scene: Film classroom.]

Professor: And, uh, whoever checked out "Fear and Desire" from the video library, would they please return it so others can finish their papers?

Woman: [Looking at Dawson's "E.T." trapper keeper] Mmm?

Dawson: It was a gift.

Professor: I'll see you on Monday.

Oliver: Did you read my script yet?

Dawson: Oliver. Um...yeah.

Oliver: Great! I have a, uh, preliminary sh**ting schedule here. It's flexible.

Dawson: You know, Oliver. I can't do it. I'm sorry.

Oliver: Y-you can't do it? Why? How? Y-you have to do it, Dawson. Y-you're the only one who can do it.

Dawson: I'm flattered, but, uh, it-- it's complicated.

Oliver: What? Th-the story? It's supposed to be. D-did you not understand the--the flashbacks? W-w-were they not clear enough, or--

Dawson: No, that's not what I meant. Um... although, the flashbacks I... don't think you need. You're usin' them as a crutch. I think you can tell the story without them.

Oliver: Was that a note?

Dawson: Sure.

Oliver: Do you have... notes on my script?

Dawson: A few.

Oliver: Yeah. All right. Let's go.

Dawson: Where?

Oliver: Lunch.

Dawson: Ok. I've got plans with my girlfriend, so--

Oliver: And bring your notes.

Dawson: All right.

[Scene: Citizens Restaurant. Jen is sitting on the counter eating garnish while Pacey is working.]

Jen: This is completely unbelievable.

Pacey: Yeah, I know. If Danny found you in here, I'd be fired.

Jen: How can they think that I've lost my edge? I am nothing but edge, Pacey. I am razor sharp, baby.

Pacey: And yet here you are, eating garnish. So, what's the problem?

Jen: I don't know. My producer called me in and told me that my shows this week have been terrible. And that if I don't go back to doing things the way that I was doing them before, that they're gonna cancel me.

Pacey: Before what?

Jen: I don't know before what. Before... me and Dawson.

Pacey: Ah. And the clouds part.

Jen: But that makes absolutely no sense, because I was miserable then, and I'm happy now.

Pacey: It makes perfect sense to me. Nobody likes happy people.

Jen: But if you--if you had a relationship question, wouldn't you rather talk to somebody who was in... a healthy, loving relationship?

Pacey: Hell, no. I always prefer to get my advice from people who are far more dysfunctional than I am. That way I feel good about my life.

Jen: Fine. Fine. Ok. If that's what the people want, if they want me to be nasty and sarcastic, I can do that. I just need something that's gonna take me there. Pacey, say something disgusting.

Pacey: Sure, would you prefer sexist or just downright vulgar?

[Cell phone rings]

Jen: Hold that thought. Hello. Hello, my little pumpkin.

Pacey: Oh, you are so fired.

[Scene: Joey is in her dorm holding a telephone in her hand.]

[Knock on door]

Elliot: Hey. I was wondering if 7:00's too early. I know we said 7:30, but I was afraid we might miss the movie.

Joey: Actually, Elliot, I was... I was just about to call you.

Elliot: Is everything ok?

Joey: Everything's fine. Um... I think I might be coming down with something.

Elliot: Oh.

Joey: And I wanted to wait and see how I felt, you know, because I really wanted to go tonight.

Elliot: Right. Of course.

Joey: But my-- my throat's all scratchy and...

Elliot: Well... I don't want you to get sick.

Joey: And I don't wanna get you sick.

Elliot: Yeah. That, too.

Joey: So, anyway, I--I think it would be better if I... stayed home and went to bed early.

Elliot: Yeah. That's definitely the right thing to do.

Joey: I'm sorry this is so last-minute.

Elliot: You couldn't have known you were gonna get sick, right? You should get some rest and drink plenty of fluids. Maybe we can do it again some other time or something.

Joey: [In a whispered tone] Absolutely. Ok.

Elliot: Great. Well... feel better. Bye. [Elliot walks off]

[Joey closes the door and lies down on her bed.]

[Scene: Grams house. Jen is sitting on her bed reading through adult magazines.]

Jen: You're still wearing a training bra. Why breast implants may be the right choice for you. Oh, man. I got nothin'. But I really like those shoes.

Dawson: Ok, those aren't mine.

Jen: I have lost my edge. I am about to lose my show, and it's all your fault.

Dawson: How, exactly?

Jen: Well, because-- because you made me happy, and now I'm boring. I'm happy and I'm boring. Are you proud of yourself?

Dawson: You look so cute with a Penthouse on your lap.

Jen: Dawson, this is serious. This is a problem.

Dawson: I've got a better problem. Oliver wants to come to dinner with us.

Jen: What? You've already spent all day with him.

Dawson: I know. I know. But we haven't really gone over the notes. We've only gotten through, like, half the script.

Jen: Oh, baby. Are you gonna do the movie?

Dawson: No. Well, I... I haven't really decided yet, but probably not.

Jen: Well, then, I don't understand why he has to come to dinner with us.

Dawson: He doesn't. You just say the word and I'll tell him to forget about it.

Jen: No, it's fine. He can come.

Oliver: [Peeking head up the stairs.] See? I told you she wouldn't mind. Nice p*rn. Oh. Ok. You gotta... fine. I'll just... [Oliver leaves the room.]

Dawson: [Sighs] I told him to wait downstairs.

[Scene: Citizens restaurant. Jack is drinking at the bar while his fraternity brothers are having drinks across the room.]

Waitress: Startin' a little early, aren't we?

Jack: They don't call it happy hour for nothin', right?

Eric: Hey. Hey. Cut our boy some slack here. He's had a little bit of a rough week, huh?

Jack: He has?

Eric: Academic probation? Hmm? Sucks to be you, dude. I also heard blossom ripped you a new one, too.

Jack: Yeah? Who'd you hear that from?

Eric: I don't know. Everyone, I guess. It's hard to keep a secret among brothers, right?

Jack: You mean it's hard for you guys not to talk trash about your friends.

Eric: Hey, we gotta know where you stand so we know whether or not it's cool to take you out. That's all.

Jack: Oh, so it's a conditional brotherhood now?

Eric: Mm-hmm.

Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's good to know. Thanks.

Eric: Come on, man. We'll still like ya even if you are a little stupid. We'll just, uh, we'll use fewer syllables around you. How about that, huh? [Eric walks off.]

[Stares over at his partying frat brothers.]

Jack: [To the bar attendee] Hey. Give me another one.

[Scene: Professor Wilder and his students are walk out of some restaurant.]

Wilder: So, did I, uh, did I leave you guys enough time for your real Friday night fun? Oh, you thought when you suggested dinner at 6:00 that I wouldn't get it? Yeah. Ok, go. Go. Keggers await.

Students: Thank you very much. Thanks.

Wilder: You're welcome. [Students walk off] And you, Joey Potter, where are you off to this fine evening?

Joey: Oh, nowhere. Just back to the dorms.

Wilder: Oh. Well, then you're walking in my direction. [Joey accepts Professor Wilders awaiting arm.]

[Scene: Joey and Professor Wilder walking down the sidewalk.]

Joey: No, you're wrong. I finished it in one sitting. That must mean something.

Wilder: Yeah, it means I wrote a bathroom book. You'll finish it before you flush.

Joey: I'm serious. I thought it was honest and complex. Ok, maybe not complex. But riveting. I mean, especially the part about the girl. That...that was beautiful.

Wilder: Actually, that's my favorite part.

Joey: Was she based on a real person? Because I figured out which one of the guys is you. You're Michael, right?

Wilder: Yeah. What gave it away? Oh, right. That would be the bad writing.

[Scene: Dawson, Jen, and Oliver are eating and talking in a cafe/restaurant.]

Dawson: It's not relevant to the story.

Oliver: How can you say it's not relevant? It explains why she's afraid to be loved. It's called back story. Hello?

Dawson: It's called unnecessary. You don't need to be hit over the head with subtext.

Jen: When I read it--

Oliver: How can I trust you? You don't even like the ending.

Dawson: I like the ending. I'm just not convinced it's the best way to go.

Jen: That's because it's actually not the best way--

Dawson: Besides, you said you would think about it.

Oliver: I thought about it, and it's a bad idea.

Dawson: When did you think about that? I've been with you all day.

Jen: Would anybody care to split a sundae with me? Anybody?

[Scene: Joey and Professor Wilder walking down the sidewalk talking]

Joey: No. It was just-- it felt like you. Sort of dry and self-deprecating. I liked him. In the book, I mean. But the girl, she's not how I pictured her at all.

Wilder: Not how you pictured who?

Joey: Your wife.

Wilder: I don't have a wife.

Joey: You--I remember you told me you had a wife and kid.

Wilder: Did I? I must have been trying to rationalize some bad behavior at the time. I use the wife and kid bit to get me out of things I don't wanna do.

Joey: You're serious? You just lie?

Wilder: No, I don't lie. I, uh, I create characters.

Joey: So, what about the girl in the book? Or is she just another made-up character?

Wilder: No, Sandrine was very real.

Joey: Did you love her?

Wilder: Yes, I did.

Joey: Why'd you break up?

Wilder: God, a million reasons. I don't know. She was crazy, which is exactly what you want when you're 21. You stop wanting that as you get older.

Joey: What do you want when you get older?

Wilder: Coffee. You want coffee. You wanna get some coffee?

[Scene: Dawson and Oliver still going at each other in the restaurant while Jen is slowly getting more angry.]

Dawson: If you're not gonna be open to anything I have to say--

Oliver: I would be open if I thought you were being open.

Dawson: I'd be open if I thought you were right. Ol-- Oliver, you're too close to it.

Oliver: Ok, you know what? This isn't working. I'm gonna have to let you go.

Dawson: You're f*ring me?

Oliver: If that's the way you wanna call it.

Dawson: You can't fire me. Oliver, I never agreed to do your movie in the-- [Oliver walks off.] Can you believe that guy?

[Scene: Joey and Professor Wilder walk by the riverfront. The lighted city looks beautiful in the background...quite romantic like.]

Wilder: So, what about you? I seem to recall a certain story about a certain boy. What happened there?

Joey: Nothing. He met someone else, or re-met her, as the case may be. [They sit down on a nearby bench] Anyway, it's over. We're over.

Wilder: I'm sorry to hear about that.

Joey: What can you do?

Wilder: Start dating, I guess.

Joey: I guess. I mean, I'm trying to, but...

Wilder: but what?

Joey: It's just hard. I mean, it takes all this energy and effort, and you have no way of knowing that it's going to be worth it at the end of the day.

Wilder: No, you don't.

Joey: So what's the point?

Wilder: There's no point. You should probably quit. Join a convent. You'd look good in a habit.

Joey: Thank you. You know, you think I'm kidding, but that's a very appealing notion.

Wilder: Come on. And give up all those first crush butterflies? Never.

Joey: Yeah, but that's just it. I mean, the butterflies never seem to accompany the right people, you know? The nice guys who are right for you, they never make your stomach go flip-flop.

Wilder: So, who gives you flip-flops, Joey Potter?

Joey: [pauses] People who shouldn't.

Wilder: Well, that hardly seems fair.

[Long moment of staring at each other.]

Joey: Nope. Not fair at all. [They lean in and kiss.]

[They both start fumbling with their actions and words.]

Wilder: [Oh. Ok. Oh, wow. I'm gonna go to prison, aren't I?

Joey: No. No. Um, it's ok. I think we can leave the feds out of this one. I think I may have even been an accomplice.

Wilder: You were? Ok. Thank god.

Joey: But I should go.

Wilder: Yeah. Great idea. Let's go.

Joey: Uh, maybe I should go first.

Wilder: Yes, you should go. And then I'll go later. To my house. And you'll go to your house.

Joey: Dorm.

Wilder: Dorm.

Joey: Right.

Wilder: And I'll go to my house.

Joey: Ok. [Joey starts to walk away and looks back] Good night, professor.

Wilder: Good night.

[Scene: Citizens Restaurant. Jack and frat brothers are drinking.]

Blossom: You see, McPhee. If you walk the line between partying and studying, maintain the balance, it's all good.

Jack: Oh, gee, blossom. Your concern for my well-being is so touching I think I'm gonna cry.

Blossom: What's the problem now? I thought we were having a nice time here.

Jack: Oh, we are, man. I mean, we're best buds, right? Till I slip up and do something to embarrass the mighty sigma epsilon. Like fail a couple classes, right, guys?

Blossom: Man, I don't know what you're talking about.

Jack: You don't care about my troubles. All you care about is how it affects the house.

Blossom: Damn straight.

Jack: So that's how it's gonna be now, huh?

Blossom: That's how it's always been. The house comes first. What, you didn't get that?

Jack: I guess not. [Starts to walk away]

Blossom: Well, don't go getting all emotional on me, your eyes welling up and whatnot. Man, it's like talking to a chick.

Jack: [Throws a stool out of his way and comes face-to-face with the guy] You wanna say that to my face? Huh?

Blossom: Step back, man.

Eric: Come on, jack. Hey, he's just messing with you.

Jack: What, you're gonna take his side, too? Huh, Eric? All you guys? Are you gonna side with him?

[Pacey sees what is about to ensue and runs and tries to pull Jack back]

Pacey: What's goin' on here? Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Jack: I can't believe I never realized what a jackass you are.

Blossom: And you, McPhee, have been a real disappointment all around.

Jack: Yeah, how's that?

Blossom: You were supposed to help us clean up our image. As it turns out, you've done nothing but make it worse. It wasn't even worth bringing you into the house.

[Jack hauls off and punches his frat brother and a brawl commences.]

Pacey: [Tries to get in and stop the fight] Whoa! Hey! Hey! Hey! Come on, now!

[The frat brothers semi-tried to hold back their leader, but he gets in a few more stomach sh*ts than Jack who is being held back by Pacey.]

Jack: Get off me, Pace! [Jack struggles to out of Pacey's grasp when he busts a glass on the bar with his hand. Blood covers his hand.]

Pacey: [Grabs a cloth and tries to wrap Jack's hand.] Come here. Come here.

Jack: Damn it! Jesus Christ.

Blossom: Let's go, guys.

Audrey and Others: Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Pacey: Take a seat right now. [Jack sits on a nearby stool.]

Audrey: Oh, my god.

Pacey: Audrey, put some pressure on that, ok?

Audrey: [Jack is leaning against her bleeding.] Oh, my god. Ok? Ok. Ok. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

[Scene: Joey is getting back from her date when she sees that Elliot has left her a basket full of medicine and a get well card in front of her door. She looks guilty and feels ashamed.]

[Scene: Grams house. Jen is in her room applying makeup when Dawson enters.]

Dawson: [Knock on door] So, I've been thinking about last night. I think I could've handled that better.

Jen: Yeah?

Dawson: Yeah. I mean, poor Oliver. The guy was really upset. Granted, he's obnoxious.

Jen: Well, that's an understatement.

Dawson: But he's got a really unique voice, and he's obviously very passionate about the script. Which is a good thing, you know? That's how I would be. Actually, he kind of reminds me of me a little bit. Remember how I used to be?

Jen: Uh-huh.

Dawson: When I was doing the Brooks movie and the one before that.

Jen: And the one before that.

Dawson: Yeah. Which made me realize, I think I am ready to direct somebody else's words. You know, I've done my own thing enough times, I think this would be an entirely new challenge for me.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Dawson: I think I should apologize to him.

Jen: Hmm.

Dawson: Are you mad at me?

Jen: Well, congratulations to you. Ding! Ding! Ding! I've only been pissed off at you since last night.

Dawson: You have?

Jen: Yes. First, you totally ditch me for our lunch date, and then you invite Dennis the Menace along to have dinner with us, which is totally infringing on our personal time, which is precious, don't you think?

Dawson: Absolutely it is.

Jen: And then you let that loud-mouth weasel treat me like I'm a piece of arm candy. Neither one of you listened to a single thing that I had to say, and you have to admit, I am completely right about that first sex scene being totally gratuitous. It is just an excuse for Oliver to look at a pair of boobs in the flesh. Why don't you give him $20 and tell him to get a lap dance?

Dawson: Jen, I am so sorry.

Jen: [Pausing for a moment] Oh, my god! It's back! I gotta go! [Jen leaves the room.]

Dawson: What's back?

[Jen re-enters the room and kisses Dawson.]

Jen: I forgive you.

[Scene: Joey enters her dorm and Audrey is practicing yoga by doing a head stand.]

Audrey: I did it, Joey. I'm a yogi master. I am centered, I am balanced. Nothing can penetrate my inner source of calm.

Joey: Audrey, I kissed Wilder last night and just dumped nice guy. [Walks over and sits on bed.]

Audrey: [Falls over.] Whoa. Ok. Ow. That wasn't fair. [Stumbles over to the bed]

Joey: Me and Elliot weren't really going out, so technically, it wasn't a dump, but I did give him back his NyQuil.

Audrey: Wait, let's just rewind here to the kiss. What happened? And more importantly, was there tongue involved?

Joey: Well, we kissed. I pulled away. End of story. Every other girl on campus probably would have slept with him.

Audrey: Wait a minute. Are you saying you wanted to sleep with him?

Joey: No. I don't know. But I just-- I didn't want to stop kissing him.

Audrey: So why did you?

Joey: Because I freaked out. I got scared like I always do.

Audrey: Ok. That happens.

Joey: Yeah, but, Audrey, I'm sick of it. I mean, I came to Worthington to change my life and to become a different person. And what happened? My stupid life followed me here.

Audrey: Yup. Well, that was an unfortunate turn of events.

Joey: And I'm trapped. I mean, I can't quite wipe the slate clean because, you know, if I pretend to be somebody new, everybody already knows me here.

Audrey: Why do you have to be somebody new? If you weren't you, we might not be friends.

Joey: Yeah, but... well, good point.

Audrey: Think about this, Joey. These opportunities that keep presenting themselves, they're presenting themselves to you, not to me. Not to anybody else. And all you have to do is just seize them. Stop wasting your time wishing that you were somebody else. And just grab hold of what have coming to you. Because you never know when it's gonna come your way again. [brief pause] So... how good of a kisser was he? On a scale of 1 to 10.

Joey: 20.

Audrey: Oh! He's so cute.

Joey: Yeah, it was good. I shouldn't have stopped.

[Scene: Jen is talking to callers on the radio.]

Jen: So, what you're saying, Brenda, is that your boyfriend will break up with you if you don't wear thong underwear?

Brenda: That's about it.

Jen: Yeah. Ok. Well, it seems to me like you have two options here. You can either dump him, or you can dump him! Hello? Guys? Word to the wise. Before you try and force your girlfriend into a thong, why don't you try putting a piece of floss between your butt cheeks and see how much you like it. Caller number three, you're on the air.

[Scene: Citizens Restaurant. Jack walks up to Pacey and lays a check on the bar.]

Pacey: What's this?

Jack: Part of what I owe you for the damages. Just, uh, you know, let me know how much it all is, and I'll get it to you as soon as I can.

Pacey: You know, you could have gotten me fired last night, Jack. So, do you wanna talk to me about it?

Jack: About what?

Pacey: About whatever it is that's making you do this to yourself, man.

Jack: [Sighs] What exactly am I doing to myself, Pacey?

Pacey: Well, for starters, you're flunking yourself out of school. You can talk to me all you like about makeup exams, 'cause, believe me, I'm the king of makeup exams. And you can tell me that the whole thing's crap, you don't care about your grades, but I'm not gonna buy that, Jack. Especially not from you. 'Cause I know how hard you worked to get yourself into college. I know that it must terrify you to be on academic probation. And it terrifies you because you just don't know how you got to this point, right? All you were doing was cuttin' loose, having a little bit of fun. I mean, believe me, man, I understand that. I've been there. I know what it's like.

Jack: What do you want from me, huh?

Pacey: Nothing. I'm just curious. I'm just curious, 'cause from my perspective, you're flunking out of school, and you're drinking like you got a deathwish, all so you can hang out with a bunch of guys who pretty much att*cked you last night.

Jack: They didn't att*ck me last night.

Pacey: They didn't att*ck you? No. Jack, it was 10 on one in there. And they left you here, bleeding, just in case you forgot. So I'm just curious. Is it worth it? Are they worth it?

Jack: [Gut check moment.] I gotta go. [He walks off.]

[Scene: Dawson walks up to Oliver outside the film school.]

Dawson: Oliver. Can I talk to you? I, uh, I just wanted to tell ya, I think you might be right about that one scene. There is some pivotal information--

Oliver: Nah, I cut it out.

Dawson: Oh. Well... good, 'cause you don't need it. Look, I'm sorry. I went a little overboard yesterday. I think part of me was trying to sabotage the whole thing. Well, it worked. You gotta understand. I wasn't looking to get involved in anything. I just kind of wanted to coast for myself for a while, reacquaint myself with the world slowly, you know? And then, uh, you threw your script at me, and I really liked it. I got excited, and, uh, I didn't want to get excited. I was kind of trying to... feel as little as possible. Probably doesn't make any sense to you, but--

Oliver: No, that makes total sense. You were afraid that the upswing of throwing yourself into a new project would inevitably produce a downswing when you finished it. Right? And, hey, man. You're probably tired of feeling down.

Dawson: I am.

Oliver: Plus the guilt that comes with doing something that might make you feel good when you're supposed to be dealing with this... this huge thing. You know what, Dawson? I can't guarantee that none of those things will happen, but if you try to coast through life not feeling anything good just so you don't have to feel anything bad... that's no way to live.

Dawson: I really want to direct your film.

Oliver: Ok.

Dawson: Thank you.

Oliver: You're welcome.

Dawson: I have one question, though.

Oliver: sh**t.

Dawson: Why aren't you directing it?

Oliver: Oh. Um, yeah. That's part of what I wanted to tell you. You know the part of Gage?

Dawson: The lead?

Oliver: Yeah. I wanna play him. [Puts his headphones on and walks off.]

Dawson: [Realizes what Oliver just told him and runs after him.] Hold on. Oliver.

[Ending Credits.]