05x12 - Daniel Espinoza: Naked and Afraid

[bunniefuu]

[alarm blaring]

-["Walk a Mile" by Holly Golightly plays]

-[sighs]

[exhales]

[whirs]

♪ If being me is easy From where you stand ♪

♪ Seeing, it's believing from where I am ♪

♪ Try being me if you think you can ♪

♪ You think I got it easy ♪

♪ Try being me ♪

♪ Walk a mile in my shoes ♪

♪ Walk a mile in my shoes ♪

♪ Walk a mile in my shoes ♪

♪ Walk a mile in my shoes ♪

-Daniel.

-[gasps]

[LUCIFER:] You've been staring at that same file for ten minutes now. It's like watching the world's worst nature documentary. Have you lost the power of speech alongside the ability to read? Have you achieved your final form?

[chuckles]

DANIEL: What am I supposed to do with that, Lucifer? How am I supposed to react?

[hesitates]

I don't follow.

DANIEL: Well, I know you're the Devil now. You come at me with these sort of funny, kind of clever insults, I give back. We go into a little insult dance, and that's a Tuesday. But now everything's changed.

[LUCIFER:] Don't be ridiculous, Daniel. Nothing's changed. I'm still the same person, charming, beloved. And you're still the same person too, useless, tolerated.

DANIEL: Hmm. Doesn't have the same effect anymore. It's like being teased by Genghis Khan or Darth Vader.

[LUCIFER:] I'm not some bloody villain, Daniel. Oh, well, if you're gonna be cruel about it. Don't be coming to me for any favors.

DANIEL: Don't worry, I won't.

[LUCIFER:] [scoffs] Detective Douche is a real joy to be around today.

CHLOE: You just have to give him some time. Remember what I did when I first found out the truth?

[LUCIFER:] Yes, you ran off to Europe for a month. Oh, maybe Dan could do with a vacation.
Who do I know in one of those countries where they hunt American tourists for sport?

Right. Look, I'm sorry you're hurt that you can't annoy Dan.

[LUCIFER:] Why would I be hurt?

Uh, well, because it's the strange little game that you two play to show that you're friends. But he's not participating anymore.

-[scoffs]

So just give him some time.

[LUCIFER:] Detective Douche can take all the time he needs, as far as I'm concerned. Now, please tell me we have a case, some puzzle to solve, some criminal to bring in and punish.

It's right here, and we do have someone to bring in, but she's already been apprehended.

Extradition.

A Los X banger, got caught south of the border.

LUCIFER: Extradition? We catch murderers, Detective. We don't carpool them.

Lucifer... we do, when we're understaffed.

-I know it's grunt work, but we have to--

[LUCIFER:] Grunt work, you say?

Hmm.

[sighs]

All right.

"All right"?

That's it?

[sighs]

DANIEL: Chloe has Trixie tonight, and honestly, I think a drive might be good for me. [Lucifer groans] It'll give me some time to think about things.

[Lucifer]

Huh.

Hey, Dan.

Did you notice the name of the processing officer on the other end?

-Luis Navarro.

-[Chloe]

Uh-huh.

I just wanna remind you of the last time you worked a task force together.

DANIEL: I remember. Look, you don't have to worry.

Yes, we were friends, but I know what kind of cop this guy is.

The kind of cop who likes to cut corners, the kind of cop looking to play angles on a slippery slope to being a criminal--

DANIEL: The kind of cop that I haven't been for a very long time.

I'm sorry, I know. I'm not your mother, and I'm not... even your wife anymore, but I am your friend. I know it's been a crazy time lately. I think the last voice that you need in your head right now is one like Luis'.

DANIEL: I know you're trying to look out for me, and I appreciate that, but I'm fine.

[chuckles] I've got it all under control. Promise.

-[chattering]

-[laughing]

[Dan] What the hell?

-Danimal!

Oh!

Ohhh!

-Hey.

[in Spanish]

How's it going, man?

Still banging gorgeous blondes up in LA?

DANIEL: Luis, what are we doing in a bar?

I'm here for the extradition of a prisoner.

[laughing]

[in English]

 Hermano, your Spanish is about as rusty as that squad car outside. You need to stay down here a little longer. -Get a little Spanish immersion.

DANIEL: Yeah, I'll talk to my captain about it.

Listen, why are we not meeting at the police station, bro?

Oh, crap. You didn't get the message?

DANIEL: What message?

Sorry, man. There was a screwup in the paperwork.The prisoner won't be discharged till tomorrow morning.

DANIEL: What, are you kidding me, bro? I drove all the way down here.

I know. I know, but I got it. It's fine.

I made sure that they got you a room.

-It's a few blocks away.

-[sighs]

DANIEL: All right, all right, yeah.

Uh... just for the night.

I gotta get back, all right?

Hey, compadre!

-[clears throat]

-Now we get caught up.

-Yeah.

-I wanted you to see this place.

I own a little piece of it.

-Nice.

-Let's get some drinks for old times.

DANIEL: I don't know, man. It's really late, you know. If I gotta get on the road early in the morning, I don't think so.

Daniel.

I get it.

I do, okay?

Maybe those old times, they weren't so good, okay?

We used to play it fast and loose. And I know you don't do that anymore.
And the truth is, I admire you for that. I'm turning myself around too, and, I just wanted to get some advice from someone who did it before I did.

That's all.

One drink.

-[shouting in Spanish]

-[in English]

One, just one.

No!

[both laugh]

-[Luis chuckles]

Salud.

-[Dan]

Salud.

-Oh, man.

DANIEL:[exhales] I've had my few beers.I think I should go check out the hotel room and watch some HBO.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.One more drink so I can ask you.

-[sighs]

Back in the day, when you had that old partner. You guys had some fun extracurriculars.

-[chuckles]

Yeah.

-What changed that for you?

DANIEL: Uh, it's pretty simple, really. Uh... Couple years back, I got into some trouble on Palmetto Street. Long story short, I got in way over my head, and I realized that when your motives are bad and when you're only out for yourself, your actions have consequences.

But now?

DANIEL: Ah, it's just... Let's just say that I had a moment of clarity. Think God and the Devil. Let's say they're real, right? Like, as real as you and me.

-Huh.

DANIEL: You find that out... makes you worry more. Not less.

You mean like your soul?

[laughing]

DANIEL: No, man. Worse, way worse. Because if God is like you and me, that means he's fallible. He makes mistakes. And if God can make a mistake, what does that say about the universe? I mean, who's even in charge? How could anything even matter anymore?

That's heavy, man. But if you're feeling like nothing really matters, then... maybe you'll consider joining me in a business venture.

[Dan groans]

I run these holistic crystals up to LA. Housewives up there love this sh*t, okay? I tell them that they're ancient Aztec cenotes. But really they're just beach rocks, my friend. I pick them from my sister's property in Rosarito. Pure profit!

DANIEL: I thought you said you weren't into anything illegal any more.

Illegal? They're rocks.

DANIEL: So it's legit?

It's legit money. Huh? It's low-risk. I just need a man on the other end to make sure that it runs smooth.

DANIEL: Just not me anymore, man. Can't help you.

I understand. It's no problem. Stupid idea. Okay?

[laughs]

I'm just happy you're here now. Benito!

-[Benito shouts]

-[laughing]

-[Benito speaks Spanish]

-Oh, come on.

This is Benito. He's my partner. -You know why Benito is always smiling?

-Why?

-He's got the best tequila in town.

-[Dan scoffs]

[speaks Spanish]

-[Luis]

Hey, hey, hey!

Hmm?

-Ah.

-[Luis speaks Spanish]

-[glasses clink]

-[Dan chuckles]

-To better days ahead.

-[Benito speaks Spanish]

-[Luis whooping]

No, no.

[rooster crows]

[groans]

[grunts]

[gasps, grunts]

[gasps, yells]

Luis, Luis, wake up!

Where's my phone? We need help!

[panting]

-What?

Why are you naked?

DANIEL: What? Oh, uh, uh, because I sleep naked. It's a thing. Don't worry about it.
Benito.He's dead!

If this is some kind of sick joke, Danimal, I swear...

[groans]

Oh, God.

You're right.

He's dead.

Yeah.

[panting]

DANIEL: Look, man, we need to call this in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.Wait a minute.
Hold on. Take a breath. Let's think this through.

DANIEL: What do you mean, think this through? Wait, you don't think that... Luis, I don't fully remember whatever the hell happened last night, but I did not k*ll anybody.

I know you didn't k*ll anyone, my friend. Because I know who did. Okay, so those crystals I was talking about? Maybe the risk wasn't quite as low as I led you to believe. That's why I was hoping you'd sign up as my man in LA. To replace the guys who are there now. Russian guys.

DANIEL: So what are you saying, these are the guys who k*lled Benito?Why?

Because they're Russian mob. And they knew Benito was in the scam with me.

I figure they must've hit him when he left here last night.

DANIEL: So then what? He came in here looking for help maybe?
Goes to the back room, collapses, and that's that? Why would they wanna k*ll Benito?
Wait a minute. How much do you owe them?

-Two hundred thousand dollars.

-[sighs]

But I have it. I can pay them, I was going to pay them. Okay? I just wanted one more day. Okay, there was this horse race this afternoon.

Daniel, I swear. It was a sure thing.I would've doubled my money, I could have paid with interest.

DANIEL: I really wanted to believe that you'd turned things around. But this has gotta be the most reckless thing you've ever done! I can't believe this. Look, I know I screwed up, but I didn't think that the Russian mob in LA was gonna come after me like this!

I'm all the way down here, and I'm police!

DANIEL: Well, then you obviously don't know how the Russian mob operates, do you?

No. But you do, don't you?

DANIEL: No. No way am I getting involved in this with you, Luis. The thing for you to do right now is turn yourself in, tell your people about it.They'll protect you.

-Protect me? Half of my department is on some gangster's payroll. Daniel, they'll come after my family. Maria, little Oscar. He's three. I need to stay here and make sure they're safe. All I ask is that you deliver the money that I owe.

DANIEL: Luis, I came down here for a prisoner transfer.

Exactly. And that's exactly what you do. You go get her. By the time you come back, I'll have the money ready for you. Okay? It's a small detour. And while you handle that, then I'll call in poor Benito's m*rder. Please, Daniel.

For my family.

[sighs]

So, what's in the box?

DANIEL: Nothing. Stop talking.

Something important, huh? Maybe not straight-up legal?
saw that dude's face when he handed it to you.

DANIEL: Look, can you sit back? Sit back, please!

Thank you.

-Okay, okay.

No problem.

You know, just saying. You all sweaty, with mysterious boxes. I know corruption when I see it, but, you know, none of my business.We all got our demons.

DANIEL: It's not corrupt, okay?It's the exact opposite, actually. Hmm. I'm helping somebody.

-Hmm.

DANIEL: And I don't have any demons. Unless you count the fact I've been working with the Devil for the last few years, but that's, you know, out of my control.

Man, I hear you.

I was riding with the devil myself for a few years, you know.
Cocaine?

DANIEL:-That's not what I'm talking ou don't have to justify yourself to me.

I feel you. It's hard.

It got a hold of me for a while.

Yeah, I was banging with the X's, getting up to notorious sh*t.

And I wasn't proud of it, so I turned it around.

DANIEL: Oh, right, you turned it around, huh?

Yeah, man, I did. -And you know what helped me do it?

-What?

God.He saved me, man, and I ain't trying to preach to you. You wanna get out of this?Find God.

[laughs]

DANIEL: Oh, I found God. And he exploded my entire body for sleeping with his wife, so I don't think he's quite the guy you think he is.

Whatever. God is whoever you say he is. And I say that God is someone that gives me the strength to do better. And I know I can be better. Not just for God, but for me.

DANIEL: Look, I hope this works out for you, I really do. But you need to be careful, okay?
Because you think you know things, but then life has a way of blindsiding you.

[engine revs]

[animals calling]

[Dan groaning]

[grunts]

[seat belt unclips]

[grunts]

[panting]

Huh!

[shouts]

[panting]

Of course it's dead!

 [huffs]

[car approaches]

Dan?

Espinoza?

Ryan?

Yeah, it's me, Ryan, and Kevin from class.

Hey.

Hey, you know, we haven't seen you in improv in ages.

We're just driving back from a show at the El Cerrito Community Center.

Yeah.

You know, you're missing out on a lot of sweet gigs.

Yeah.

Uh, yeah, I've been-- I've been pretty busy lately.

 [chuckles]

Yeah.

You got a little, uh... What?

Ugh.

-What?

-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, man.

-Gentle.

[groans]

I think it's spray paint.

I was, uh-- I was ambushed by Los X's.

-They're a notorious street g*ng.

-Oh!

They T-boned my car, tagged it.

My face must have been in the way.

Do you need some help?

Uh, y-yeah.

Actually, you think I can get a ride?

-Yes.

And?

-[laughing]

Yes, it's improv !

[Ryan and Kevin continue laughing]

-Right.

Improv .

-[laughs]

Oh, God!

-Where do you need to go?

-Oh.

-Just get in the back.

-Yeah.

Jiggle the handle.

The belt doesn't work, so you just gotta yank it hard.

[classical tune playing]

[elevator bell dings]

Daniel! Fancy seeing you here. Well, not fancy at all, actually. You look-- Well, it's hard to tell sometimes, but you look truly awful.

[sighs]

Lucifer, uh...

[exhales]

I need a favor.

[chuckles]

[laughing]

[LUCIFER:] Really, Daniel, I'd do a spit take, but this is single malt.

[laughing]

Come on, man. Are you done?

[LUCIFER:] Well, I was until I remembered the last time you lost a fugitive. 12-year-old girl?
You soiling yourself on that roller coaster?

I didn't soil myself, Lucifer. And look, this isn't like that, okay? This girl was rescued by her g*ng. And I know their hangout. It's a bike shop in Van Nuys. If we go there, we're gonna find her.

[LUCIFER:] "We"? Well, why do you need my help? You're a police officer. If you need backup making an arrest, you have the entire LAPD.

It's not that simple, man. Los X's didn't just spring my fugitive, they also... sort of, stole something from me. Something that I need to get back.

[LUCIFER:] Oh, so if the police get involved, the dr*gs will be confiscated.

It's not dr*gs! [sighs] It's money that an old friend needs me to deliver so he can get clear of some dangerous people.
Now it's in the hands of a street g*ng who probably don't realize what they have, and you need to get it back before they do.

Oh, Daniel.

[laughs]

This could only happen to you.

Oh, man, I swear. Sometimes it feels like the entire universe is against me.

[Lucifer]

DANIEL: Oh. Wait a minute. You don't think your dad could be behind this, do you?

[laughs]

[LUCIFER:] No. Definitely not.

No. My father is, um... Well, I don't exactly know where he is, but I can guarantee he's dealing with something much bigger than this.

[exhales]

DANIEL: Okay. So, can you help me? I mean, you're invincible, right? You can go in there. You can b*at up the entire g*ng, and I can grab the box.

[LUCIFER:] I'm not your muscle, Daniel. I don't just go in and b*at people up like some hired goon.

DAN: Look, man, I'm not-- I'm not trying to offend you. Okay? But there are lives at stake here.
[sighs] I can't do it without you.

[LUCIFER:] Fine. But we'll do things my way, no vulgar strong-arm stuff.

-You say they own a bike shop?

-[exhales]

We'll let money do the talking.

And me, of course.

[rap song playing in Spanish]

[shouts, grunts]

[exhales]

[loud clattering]

Hello, g*ng members. I understand you sell bikes, and I would like to purchase your most expensive one, please.

You wanna buy one of our bikes?

Mm-hmm.

Oh. Oh, I thought you sold motorbikes.

Oh, that's embarrassing. Well, looks like I'm gonna have to rethink this entire thing.

Nobody rides motorbikes.

All that noise?

Plus, you get k*lled on those things.

This is the hype. Well, wouldn't be the first time I've spent far too much money on something I don't know how to use.

Your British ass so fancy you never learned how to ride a bicycle?

Hey, mija, not everybody had their pops around to teach them everything when they was young.

Don't go making hurtful assumptions.

You don't know this man's story.

[hesitates]

Well, actually, that is my story.

 To a T.

I feel you.

My old man was never around either. I'm trying to make better decisions now, but it's hard, you know?
Never had my role model.

I feel you.

And you, homes.

[chuckles]

[creaking]

I mean, it's typical.

I haven't seen him in essentially forever, and then he turns up out of nowhere and announces that he's getting old and he's retiring.

I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?

[sighs]

Or maybe he wants to spend time with you, ese.

When my papi retired from working as a guard up in Pelican Bay, it was awkward at first, but we actually got to know each other really well.

Even better than when I was locked up in there.

Well, my dad was my jailer too.

It's a very specific kind of pain, isn't it?

And mine had to turn me in for stealing credit card numbers, homes.

It was my birthday too.

[sighs]

Mm-hmm.

Right.

That doesn't belong to you.

Hand it over.

Doesn't belong to you either.

You're not a Los X.

Actually, it does belong to me.

Or my-- my friend. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I have the g*n, give me the box.

Cuff yourself.

Into the cage.

Go.

-[lock clicks]

-[handcuffs clicking]

You're making a huge mistake here, buddy.

Huge.

No, bro.

I'm correcting one.

Sorry.

[dog growling]

-Huh.

-[barking]

DANIEL: Nice doggie.

[barking]

So let's stop projecting and start reflecting. One thing I've learned in therapy is that we need to be gentle with ourselves before we're gentle with anybody else.

Hmm?

[kisses]

-[dog barking]

-[Dan yelling]

Good doggie.

That's Chucho.

Nah, that's probably nothing.

Come on.

That's not nothing!

That's something.

Trucha.

Something's going on.

Wait!

Let's just give it a minute.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

[chuckles]

[Dan] Not a good doggie! Ow! Ow! Bad dog! Bad dog!

-[barking continues]

Hey, that's that cop that was taking me to jail!

Yes, and unfortunately, he's with me, and it appears he's gotten what he came for, so we'll be off, thank you very much.

We were having a moment, homes. And it was a sincere moment.

We shared, and we bonded, didn't we? So we're all friends now. There's no need for us to fight.

Uh... oh, dear.

Dan, go.

If this really is an emergency, I'll take care of them.

[panting]

DANIEL: Right.

Give me your keys. I need your keys.
There's no way in the world I'm letting you drive my car, Daniel.

What am I to do?

-Use your imagination.

-What?

You think you're gonna take on all of us solo?

Unfortunately, yes. I am the muscle, after all.

[sighs]

-Whoa, sh*t!

-Whoa, whoa!

♪ Fall in a streak... ♪

[car horn honks]

♪ I've done my drink ♪

♪ Well, it's over And it's time for going home... ♪

What the--?

Oh!

[grunting]

[groans]

[screams]

Danimal, come on.

You never look in the box.

Wolf.

[grunts]

-[refrigerator door opens]

-[gasps]

What?

I charged your phone for you.

A man with your responsibilities really needs to stay reachable.

Also, you need to keep some drinks here other than kombuchas.

What do you do when you have company?

DAN: You lied to me, Luis. You didn't send me to make some payment to the Russians.
You sent me to deliver a message. What are you into, man? That guy was your friend!

Benito was not my friend. He was an employee. He kept the books for me, and he betrayed me.
He was secretly working with the Russians for months.

[gasps]

Wait a minute. The Russians aren't your loan sharks. They're your competition.
You're in some kind of a w*r with them, aren't you?

That's right. And I'm gonna win too.

[scoffs]

I don't understand. Why would you get me involved in this? You could've had anybody deliver that package.

And risk using one of my own guys? Come on, Daniel, that's not smart business. But having you do it is. If the Russians decide to k*ll the messenger, I lose nothing.

They're cop K*llers. But if somehow you survive, well, now you're on the hook for transporting human remains across crime syndicates. And I own you.

-It's a win-win.

-[laughing]

DANIEL: You're not gonna win anything, Luis. I am never gonna work for you.

You need to adjust that attitude, Danimal, because I'm not done with you yet. I had a perfectly good plan to throw the Russians into chaos, and you had to screw up and lose that head.

DANIEL: What are you talking about?

It's there.

Now it is.

But it got stolen from you.

Remember?

And when I heard, I sent my man Vargas to recover it, and then he runs into you at the bike shop, and you go and arrest him.

That's your guy? How the hell am I supposed to know that?

That's all right. Apology accepted.

Small thing, though. I also tasked Vargas with a hit on the Russians' bookkeeper.

A little eye for an eye, since they made me k*ll mine.

What?

And thanks to you, now Vargas is indisposed.

So you have to do it.

[chuckles]

DANIEL: No way, man. No way. Unh-unh. What you need to do is turn yourself in, Luis. I can't believe how far gone you are.
What the hell happened to you?

Better question is, what happened to you? The pain on the side of your neck.

Ayquina neurotoxin.

Real nasty stuff from Colombia.

One minute you're fine and then wham.

Ten hours from now, you drop dead, like Pablo Escobar.

[chuckles]

Come on.

That's not for real.

I got a head in a box, Daniel. Do I look like a man who's not for real?

You have ten hours to k*ll the bookkeeper. And then I'll give you... Cabrón.

[speaks Spanish]

And then I'll give you this.

The antidote.

DAN: Why? Why are you doing this?

I always liked working with you, Dan. I left you the address of the bookkeeper on the fridge.
Along with a note to get some LaCroix or something.

[gasps]

[typing]

Hey, Ella.

-What you working on?

-Nothing, just work.

Cool.

-Cool.

-Hmm.

DANIEL: Listen, um, so I have this case... where I think, uh, someone might have actually faked a m*rder. And it got me thinking, how would you do that? You mean, how could you tell if a m*rder was faked?
Yeah... Uh... No, uh, what-- um, I wanna-- I wanna get inside the head of the criminal. Really figure out what it would take to pull something like this off. It's pretty crucial. For the case.

Okay, well, maybe I can look at the file?

DANIEL: [hesitates]
Look, here's the thing. You are the best forensic scientist I have ever worked with.
I mean, you're probably the best in the city. So I was thinking, if anyone could figure this out, it would be you.

Okay. Real talk now. No more bull crud. I actually do know how to fake the perfect m*rder. Because... I've been working on it for my novel.

DANIEL: Aren't you-- oh! Oh! That's-- that's great.

-I know. I know, right? So, it's about a forensic scientist who talks to ghosts.

Right? But I had to confront her with an almost impossible puzzle, because she herself is an impossible puzzle. She's super cheerful, but really tortured. Totally transparent, but full of secrets. So what about the, uh, the m*rder?

Oh, right.

So, what I came up with is pretty awesome. Almost foolproof, but ugh! It is really hard. I mean, you would have to arrange the crime scene just right.

Could you pull it off in, say, nine and a half hours?

That's oddly specific, but let me see. That would take about, uh... Two hours and you add another one... A two and...

DANIEL: Ella!

-One second. Yep, yep, you should be able to do it, but you would need to move it outdoors.
Which means wrapping up your footwear in a specific kind of slipper.

Yeah, hold on, just one second.

You're going really fast. I'm just gonna write this down.

Go.

[panting]

[exhales]

Hi.

Svetlana, right?

May I come in?

No.

Nyet, nyet, nyet.

No police without warrant.

DANIEL: Oh, no, no, no, I'm not a cop. I mean, I am a cop, but I'm not on official business.

Listen, this is-- ha-ha!
This is gonna sound crazy. I was sent here to k*ll you.

[gasps]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not actually-- I'm not gonna do it.

Look.

I mean, this... it's all fake. This is just to fake your death.

-[gasps]

-Why else would I need pig's blood?

Or hamburger?

This is for the brain matter.

Oh, of course, it's very realistic.

Yeah.

This is a very professional setup. You see, I had a forensics friend give me everything I need.
I know-- I know it sounds insane, but I can explain everything.

No.

No, it makes perfect sense.

[gasps]

Oh, look, your pig blood.

It's leaking.

Leaking.

[Dan]

What? Oh, oh. Hey, do you have a rag?

[groaning]

[gasps]

[exhales]

No.

No.

[gasps]

No.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[panting]

[exhales]

Okay.

[beeps, dials]

[rings]

DANIEL: Hey, man, I'm really sorry to bother you, but I think I need some help. I am near Lake Arrowhead, about miles east of LA. Yeah, it's a cabin with a greenish roof and smoke coming out of the chimney.

I don't know, man.

I don't know, maybe, like, yards south of a pond.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, you-- hey.

Hello.

You there?

-You there?

-[wings flap]

-Hey.

That was fast.

-[Amenadiel chuckles]

Dan, we really need to work on your reconnoitering skills.There's a lot of buildings in this area that match that description.

Hey.

What happened?

Oh, this?

Yeah.

It's-- it's a long story. Don't worry about it.

-[sighs]

-Dan, I'm your friend.I'm also an angel.

I can help.

I-- I...

Look, I-- [sighs]

Look, I'm so sorry, man.I really appreciate your help, but you know what?

I can figure it out.Hmm.

Listen, if you didn't want my help, why did you call me here?

I do.

I do.

I need some help.All right, somebody stole my car, and they stranded me here and then...

[panting]

[breathes deeply]

Dan.I'm not an Uber.

DANIEL: I know.I know, and I wouldn't call you if I had any other choice. But right now I'm miles away from home, and I need to get back as soon as possible.
Please.

[Amenadiel sighs]

[sighs]

Okay.

So how does this work? Do, uh-- You gonna pick me up, or do I sort of climb on?

Okay.

Oh!

Okay, so just so you know, I may pass out. Or puke. Or both.

-[exhales]

-Okay, I'm ready.

Uh, yeah.

I'm trying to reach the head of the chemistry department at UCLA.

I have a question about a substance called "ayquina." It's something--

-What's up, Dan?

-[gasps]

Maze!

[panting]

What the hell are you doing here?

Well, I'm not really talking to Lucifer right now, but I did overhear him saying that you were spinning out of control.

So... I had to come see that for myself.

[both laugh]

[sobs]

You okay?

DANIEL: Do I look okay, Maze?

I'm having the worst day of my life. I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I've had, like, three concussions in six hours.

That can't help!

[exhales]

[Mazikeen sighs]

So, tell me about it.

No.

Amenadiel asked me the same thing, and I can't get you guys involved.

Amenadiel? God's greatest goody-two-shoes? Come on, Dan!
I'm a demon
You think there's something you can't tell me? -We k*lled a guy together.

-For the last time, we didn't k*ll a guy. We made sure some dangerous people found him.

Yeah, yeah, blah-blah-blah. Point is, this is me.
No secrets.

Fine. But you gotta promise you're not gonna laugh.

[laughing]

Come on, Maze.

[exhales]

I can't believe Amenadiel carried you.

In his arms. Like a little baby.

[laughing]

Oh, what?

Come on, you gotta have a sense of humor about these things.

DANIEL: I've only got six hours to figure out how to live past tonight and get out from under Luis' thumb, even if I do survive. So please excuse me, Maze, if I don't find that hilarious.

Oh, God, you're such a dumbass. Just set up a meet with Luis, get your antidote, and serve him up to the Russians.

Duh, we've done this before. I can't get the antidote without showing proof that I actually k*lled the Russian bookkeeper, so...

Well, that's easy. I can get you proof of death, no problem.

DANIEL: Come on, you can't actually k*ll her, Maze.

Fine. I'll whip something up.

First I'll get in touch with my Russian contacts.

Then I'll set up a meet with you and them to explain the deal.

Then you set up a meeting with Luis tonight, with the Russians lying in wait.

-[snaps fingers]

-I'll get you your proof.

Sure.

Easy.

Just follow a plan whipped up spur-of-the-moment by a demon to deliver a psychopath to a bunch of murderers, after I scam him into saving my life.

 [chuckles]

It'll work perfectly.

Just don't screw it up.

Also, I'm telling the Russians your name is Joe Stone.

Why Joe Stone?

Because Dan Espinoza sounds like a cop.Joe Stone sounds cool.
You need to be... cool with these people.

Hey, Maze.

Thank you.

I'm sorry about the demon stuff.

It means a lot you're helping me.

I'm only helping you because it's you.

[exhales]

So that's the play.

You hide out on the balcony.

Once I've conducted my business with Luis... then you swoop in and take him.

Play sounds good.

But we don't know who the hell you are, Mr. Joe Stone.

[sighs]

But Mazikeen says you're okay, so...

[Linda]

Dan?

Hi, Dan.

[man]

Dan?

Who is Dan?

You are Joe Stone, right?

Yeah.

Uh, gentlemen, I just need...

one minute.

[clears throat]

Linda, what the hell are you doing here?

Oh, I have lunch here every Tuesday.

I mean, the pierogis, right?

Okay.

Are you okay?

Your-- your eyes are bulging.

I need you to hit me.

Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but--

[grunts]

-You're undercover, right?

-Yes.

Don't laugh.

I'll explain everything later.

Okay.

[exhales]

My side piece.

[chuckles]

I never give her my real name, right?

I mean, you can see why.

Cuckoo.

[chuckles]

That's for what you did to me.

Mistresses are like KGB. Meddle in everything, t*rture you forever.

[chuckles]

I like you, Joe Stone.

See you at club tonight.

[snorts]

So how do I look?

Pretty good, actually.

Yeah.

I feel pretty good too, man.

I closed Lux for a private party, and your guests should arrive shortly.

Everything's in place. We're gonna pull this off, right?

Oh, Daniel. I never lie, and I promise you the plan is gonna work perfectly.

-[Dan chuckles]

-[glasses clink]

DANIEL: I really appreciate you having my back out there.

Oh, no, I'm not gonna be there.

[gulps]

You what?

Well, I have history with the Russians.

Trust me, this won't work properly if I'm there.

Yeah, but I don't have any backup down there.

Maze isn't gonna be there for a while. If things get hairy, what do I do?

Daniel, I realize this is your first crime-boss summit, so you'll have to take my word for it, but there won't be any actual v*olence. It's all about appearances, hence why I insisted on the suit.
And as for backup, all you need are people who can act tough, and I think I have found exactly the right guys.

[Dan huffs]

You've got this!

All over it.

Right.

-[Ryan]

Hey, Dan.

-[sighs]

How about this place, right?

-Ryan, what are you guys doing here?

-Lucifer said you needed us for a gig.

What, uh-- How?

When?

After we dropped you off, we stuck around for drinks.

Networking, you know.

He said he could book us some gigs, and then three hours later, boom-shaka-laka!

He's a cool guy.

I don't think you understand what this is.

No, no, no.

We got it. We just gotta be your backup. Stand around, look tough.

-[clears throat]

-Oh, yeah, everybody came prepared.

[huffs]

No.

No!

That is a rental.

It is way too dangerous.

So, Danimal, are we gonna do this or what?

Yes.

And... this is my crew.

Showing up with your own crew?

Power move.

I'm impressed.

Yeah.

Yeah, hell, yeah.

Look, let's just get to this, okay?

Where's the antidote? I don't have a lot of time here.

Where is my proof? It's on its way. It'll be here.

Soon, I hope. Are you starting to get the sweats yet?

That's how it starts.

Hey, you best recognize when you talk to my boy Dan.

Don't test me.

Prison changed me.

Yeah, Ryan, Ryan, chill.

You better put a leash on that dog, Danimal, because I'll walk out of here right now.

-[Mazikeen]

Then you'd miss all the fun.

-[Svetlana gasping]

Oh, Maze, what the hell?

You had one job.

I know.

I know I was supposed to bring proof.

But proof can be faked.

Don't freak out, I'm not gonna k*ll her.

He can.

What better way for him to be sure she's dead so you can get your antidote.

-Maze, this is not what we talked about.

-No one is going to k*ll Svetlana.

[g*ns cocking]

You sold me out.

Now you're not getting the antidote, Danimal.

"Danimal"?

So you have been lying to us all along, Joe Stone.

All right, everybody, just take a breath, all right?

This has gotten completely nuts!

 [panting]

I have no idea how we got here.

None of this makes any sense.

It's like one crazy thing after another.

[huffs]

But we have the power to stop this.

Right now.

Look... I know it can seem like things just happen, and that we don't have any control over them.

Like, like there's no order, or-- or meaning.

But if the world is senseless and random, well, then all we can do is just what we think is best.

[panting]

And there is no way anybody thinks it's best if we all die here today.

Right?

Am I right?

[mouths]

-That was really good.

-[woman]

Hey!

Excuse the interruption.

But we're looking for that cop and that British dude that busted up our spot.

We need to talk to you, homes.

-Oh!

I know that ese.

-[man chuckles]

We used to get into it in the yard.

¡Hasta la vista, puto!

-[Dan]

Ryan, no!

-[g*nf*re]

[grunting]

No!

[g*nf*re]

[grunting]

Get the vial!

["Vaya con Dios" playing]

♪ Now the hacienda's dark The town is sleeping ♪

♪ Now the time has come to part The time for weeping ♪

♪ Vaya con Dios, my darling ♪

♪ Vaya con Dios, my love ♪

♪ Now the lonely mission bells Are softly ringing ♪

♪ Bum-bum-bum ♪

♪ If you listen with your heart You'll hear them singing ♪

♪ Vaya con Dios, my darling ♪

♪ Vaya con Dios, my love ♪

♪ Wherever you may be, I'll be beside... ♪

[gasps]

Yes!

I found it!

[g*nsh*t]

Adios, amigo.

-No!

-[g*nsh*t]

No, Maze, Maze!

No!

No, you're okay.

You're okay.

Everything's gonna be okay.

[grunts]

♪ Vaya con Dios, my darling... ♪

Joe Stone.

♪ Vaya con Dios... ♪

[sobs]

It's all right.

You're all right.

You're all right.

[gurgles, grunts]

[groans]

Maze.

No.

No!

No!

[sobbing]

[sobbing]

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

No.

I'm sorry, Maze.

I'm sorry.

-[sobbing]

-[Lucifer]

Daniel!

What did you do?

I don't know.

I-- I was just trying to help.

Well... now you see that sometimes when you're trying to do the right thing, other people who don't deserve it end up getting sh*t.

What?

[laughing]

Oh, I'm sorry, guys. I couldn't hold it any longer. My arm was falling asleep.

[Mazikeen laughs]

[gasps]

[spits, exhales]

You should have seen the look on your face.

 [cackles]

[all laughing]

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Job absolutely well done!

 [laughs]

As promised, wrap party starts now.

There's an open bar, food trucks in the back.

Give yourselves a pat on the back, people.

That was... [kisses]

-[cheering]

-[shouting]

["I Gotta Feeling" playing]

[laughs]

Excuse me.

-Oh, ho-ho!

Definitely framing that one.

-[camera shutter clicks]

[laughs]

♪ I gotta feeling ♪

♪ That tonight's gonna be a good night ♪

♪ That tonight's gonna be a good night ♪

♪ That tonight's gonna be a good, good... ♪

[speaks Spanish, laughs]

Next time.

Mi amigo, I'm sorry, man.

Lucifer, he approached me. He offered me a lot of money too. I had to say yes.

Hey, we had fun, though, right?

-It was a lot of fun.

-Yeah!

Joe Stone!

Legendary man of the hour!

This is the craziest thing I've ever been involved in.

Please come to my wedding.

-I wouldn't miss it.

-Yeah!

-You guys, here's Dan!

-[laughing]

How's that for a blindside, right?

-Pretty good.

-We worked you like a pendejo.

Aah!

[Dan]

It was pretty good.

Ugh!

I can't believe he faked the whole thing. Everyone was in on it?

Well, not everyone.

Everyone here.

You should call Amenadiel.

And Linda.

And Ella.

Definitely Chloe.

Let them know you're okay.

I think they were all pretty worried about how you were acting today.

[chuckling]

I really thought you d*ed, Maze.

You think I'd take a b*llet for you?

Well...

[clears throat]

not in the chest, anyway.

[pats Dan]

[laughs, pats]

Countless hours of meticulous planning, dozens of favors called in, so many Easter eggs from our previous adventures.

Did you spot them all?

[chuckles]

Five million, four thousand, one hundred and fifty-seven dollars spent. Totally worth it.

This. -All of this.

The dog, the car wreck...

-[sighs]

I woke up this morning with no clothes on, next to a dead body.

[laughs]

Daniel Espinoza, naked and afraid. Cheers.

I don't understand how you pulled it off, man. Even you couldn't control everything.

Well, the hardest part was making sure the detective wasn't involved, hence all the illegalities I knew you wouldn't wanna share with her.

I mean, she would've seen through this charade right away because she's, well, a detective.

I'm a detective.

-[groans]

-[scoffs]

After that, there was very little to control.

I mean, you're very predictable, Daniel.

-[chuckles]

-No.

No, no, no, no, no. You had to have known... every single decision I would make.

[chuckles]

How's that even possible?

Well, I knew that you would never give up. At every opportunity to quit, I knew that your oafish optimism would keep you going.

[sighs]

I suppose I realized that whenever you're given a choice, you always at least try and do the right thing.

[scoffs]

Why, thank you, Lucifer.

[chuckles]

It's crazy, but I think I needed this.

I've been in a really weird place for a long time.

[scoffs]

And I think I'm through it now.

[chuckles]

I-- I can't explain it.

But you really helped me.

Oh.

Well, that's not why I did this at all.

Well, then why did you do all this?

Because you f*cking sh*t me, Daniel.

♪ That tonight's Gonna be a good, good night ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪