05x14 - Nothing Lasts Forever

[bunniefuu]

[rock music playing]

♪ Gonna do it my way ♪

♪ Goin' for the gold ♪

♪ Gonna do it my way... ♪

Wait, you're gonna be what?

The new God. Isn't that great?

So your Dad's gonna retire, and he chose you to replace him?

Well, not in so many words.

He asked me and Amenadiel to keep it a secret, so it's obvious he wants it to be one of us.

-And Amenadiel doesn't want it?

-Nope. It's all mine.

What about all the other angels? Are they gonna be okay with this?

No, they'll have more opinions than Twitter, but Heaven's never been a democracy. It's best they don't find out until Dad makes it official.

But why you?

Because I would be a much better God than my father ever was.

No, but why would you even want to be God?

[huffs]

LUCIFER: Never mind the why. This is gonna be great, Detective. Lots of changes when I'm in charge. w*r eradicated, world hunger satiated. Hangovers... never should have existed in the first place.

[laughs] [engine revs]

LUCIFER: You know, I really thought you'd be more excited about this.

Sorry. [sighs] I guess I'm just trying to wrap my mind around what all of this means.

-Means?

-For us.

Yeah.

Oh, well, it won't change a thing. In fact, things will only get better. I'll become omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent. All the omnis.

But how is that good for our relationship?

I'll be there for you whenever and wherever you need me. I'll know exactly what you're thinking.

That's not at all dangerous.

Well, I'll know exactly when you want me to do that thing you like, for example.

[chuckles]

Look, Detective, this is a good thing.

Trust me.

I do.

I just...
You need time to process.

Of course you do.

Well, in the meantime, how about business as usual?

Nice little m*rder, take your mind off things?

[chuckles]

♪ Rise up, you never fall ♪

♪ Time to lay down the law, whoa! ♪

ELLA: Could you imagine being ripped apart by a shark?

Do I have to?

What do you think the worst part would be? Those big ole teeth tearing into your skin, the water filling your lungs as you scream or the heart att*ck from the sheer terror of it all?

You never cease to amaze me, Ella. I mean, even the darkest, most morbid stuff gets you excited, and that's because you know all this work's gonna help somebody.

Yeah.

[Lucifer]

Sharks, one of Earth's most misunderstood creatures. Definitely correcting that when I'm God.

So, who do we have here?

Bruna Lorenzoni, , chief operator of the aquarium.

-Pieces were found scattered in the t*nk.

-Obviously, death by shark, right?

Wrong! See, this wound right here is way deeper than any sort of tooth. Cleaner cut too, made by some sort of blade. She was dead before she hit the water.

So the k*ller dumped the body, hoping the sharks would hide the m*rder?

Should've known we'd smell something fishy.

-Aww, Dad joke, nice.

-Thanks. I'm practicing.

We've located all of her pieces except her left arm.

And the fingernails on the hand we do have show some sign of struggle, so I sent the samples back to the lab. Her pieces were in the water for a long time, so it's gonna be tough, but maybe our victim nabbed some of the k*ller's DNA.

-Who found the body?

-Elizabeth Newman.

The aquarium's owner.

I came in this morning because Bruna wasn't returning my calls.

I never imagined I'd find her like... like that.

Oh, this is a nightmare.

I don't know how to do any of this without her.

Do you know of anyone who would want Bruna dead?

No, I have no idea.

She was a pillar of our marine conservation community.

Oceans wouldn't need saving if my father hadn't been slacking.

Just saying.

Who had access to the aquarium grounds after hours?

[hesitates]

I don't know.

Bruna ran everything.

I love our animals as much as she does, but these days I'm just more of the money person.

Yeah.

Uh, Detective, I just realized, when I'm God, I'll know the answers to all your questions.

No more asking useless people like Lizzie here.

Okay, well, you are not God yet, so that is not helpful right now.

Well, I'm just trying to get you as excited about my new promotion as... I am.

Excuse me.

Brother, what are you doing here?

You weren't answering your phone.

Have you heard the news?

Father's back.

Really?

But why do you look so worried?

He's still retiring, isn't he?

Oh, yeah, that's definitely still happening.

Excellent.

Well, I should go talk to him and get his blessing before our meddlesome siblings find out.

Yeah.

About that...

[chattering]

[man]

Thanks, Pop.

Oh, bloody Hell!

-[God]

Hot dogs or burgers, my children?

-[Lucifer]

Rude.

I didn't get an invitation.

Not even Gabriel's e-vite?

Well, she emails too much.

I send her straight to spam.

Hi, guys!

Heard you talking about me.

Long time no see.

Glad you could make it.

-Archangels, assemble!

-[chuckles]

Azrael says hi, wishes she could be here, but you know, no rest for the Angel of Death.

[both sigh]

Hey, Gabriel.

So, Amenadiel, someone's been a busy angel.

Spill.

I wanna know everything about your baby mama.

Like I would tell anything to the Angel of Gossip.

-[chuckles]

-It's Angel of Messages, but whatever.

I got plenty of hot goss without you.

Have you heard?

Dad's getting old, and he's losing it.

Who told you that?

Michael.

At first we were like, "What? No way!"

But then we heard that Dad was making people sing, turned himself mortal, lost his powers, exploded a human.

He put the human back together again.

Can we please talk about the immediate problem here?

Like all of us archangels gathered here on Earth, out in the open for all of humanity to see!

Relax, brother, this is LA.

No one will even notice.

Anyway, if you'll excuse us, sister, we would like to have a chat with dear old Dad.

[chuckles]

Remiel.

It's good to see you, brother.

Sister.

Ha!

Nothing.

ZADKIEL: Who invited the Devil to our gathering of angels?

Brother Zadkiel, still taking your Angel of Righteousness role too seriously, I see.

[inhales, spits]

How dare you!

That's not a godly way to behave, Lucy.

You're right.

Excuse me.

Hello, my sons. Welcome to my retirement party. Can you smell what I'm cooking? I learned that phrase from Linda.

Dad, I thought your retirement was supposed to be a secret.

It was, and thank you for keeping it.

Father, we couldn't find you after you disappeared from Lucifer's penthouse. Were you off planning your retirement?

-Oh, I should do that, shouldn't I?

-[Gabriel]

So, Dad. Since you're retiring, there'll be a new you, right? Who's it gonna be? If it's a secret, whisper it in my ear. I won't tell a soul.

Remiel: It's obvious who will replace Father. It's Amenadiel.

-[woman]

Yes!

[scoffs]

Well, actually, it's not going to be Amenadiel.

It's going to be the handsomest of us all.

Hanjobadiel?

No, not Hanjobadiel.

It's going to be me.

-[murmuring]

-What?

-No.

-Amenadiel, tell him it's you.

Remy, I'm sorry, but, uh... Lucifer has my full support.

How can that be?

Of all the angels that are worthy--

LUCIFER: Who is more qualified than me? Good point. I ran Hell for millennia. Have any of you run your own kingdom? Even so much as a taco truck?

[exhales] Didn't think so.

[sniffs]

Brother, you know I've always followed your lead. Okay? But I cannot support the Fallen One.

Father, this is your choice. Not theirs. Tell us who you choose to be your successor.

Please.

Why don't you stay out of this with your swirly staff and your bloody medieval--

Children, children, please, one thing at a time. My retirement plan, then my successor.

[groans]

But first, who wants another hot dog?

[laughs]

[groans]

LUCIFER: Detective, I'm afraid that there has been a speed bump in my road to becoming God.

Oh, no, really?

LUCIFER: Yes, before Dad names me God ., he needs a retirement plan. So, I thought, what better way to prove that I'm God material than to make his plans for him?

Huh.

Okay.

Got it. Well, in Earthly matters, we finished interviewing everybody at the aquarium, and aside from a few endangered fish gone missing, we've learned that-- Lucifer.

-Hmm?

-We have a lead.

LUCIFER: On one of these retirement homes?

-No, on the case.

-Oh.

A few employees said Bruna was arguing with her husband.

They overheard him making threats to her on some screaming match over the phone.

You should bring him in.

You think?

Yes, I threatened my wife.

I threatened to leave her.

That stupid aquarium was her entire life.

She paid zero attention to anything else.

Including you?

Me, our children, our dogs, housework.

She couldn't even keep up with her Fitbit challenges.

The night she d*ed, you know where I was?

Home.

Taking care of our two sick kids, by myself.

-So you're giving us your alibi?

-I watch cop shows. I know how this works. You'll find plenty of footage of me covered in kid vomit on our nanny cam.

Bruna's employees heard you screaming over the phone.

Was that also about her never being around?

That was mostly about the affair.

She was making late night calls to some restaurant owner named Jeremy.

I followed her to his house, but all they did was argue.

Turns out it wasn't an affair.

It was just about her fish.

[chuckles]

Even that was about work.

Part of me hoped she was cheating on me, just to prove that her aquarium wasn't her entire universe.

Her universe?

Would you say she was sort of the god of the aquarium?

Sure.

A god who didn't have time for the one who loved her the most.

Me.

Lucifer, are you hearing this? His godlike wife didn't have time for him.

-God, you say?

-Mm-hmm.

[gasps]

LUCIFER: Which one of these retirement homes do you think that your godlike wife would enjoy the most? Uh, Golden Oldies has the best salad bar, but you can't b*at Big Sleep's water aerobics.

Retirement? What are you-- Bruna is dead.

LUCIFER: Right. Right, well, if you were God, which one do you think you'd like to spend your eternity in?

I wouldn't. [sniffles] Not without my wife by my side.

LUCIFER: Well, that doesn't help me at all. My dad's wife is in another dimension.

I'm so sorry.

LUCIFER: But maybe Dad could do with a new partner. Well, that's it. Forget retirement homes.
You've given me a much better idea.

Excuse me, what about the case?

You haven't even been listening.

LUCIFER: Yes, I was. Aquarium, Fitbit, kid vomit, restaurant owner named Jeremy.

-[grumbles]

LUCIFER: Wait. It's not Jeremy of Jeremy's Fine Food, is it? Oh. Detective, Jeremy is known in certain circles for serving rare, illegal animals.

The aquarium's missing fish. If Bruna found out someone was selling the fish to Jeremy and confronted him about it, that's definitely motive for m*rder.

[scoffs]

Hmm?

[groans]

Having a soul is the worst.

-But isn't that what you wanted?

-Yeah, until I got one.

Got Eve and... turns out having a soul mate that can die... It's t*rture.

There's also something very special about the limited time we have with someone.

Maybe you could focus on what you do have instead of what you don't.

[scoffs]

Not when I know Eve will end up in Heaven.

Where I can never go.

You don't know that she's gonna end up in Heaven.

She's the brightest, nicest, most caring, honest person ever.

Of course she's going to Heaven.

Now that you have a new soul, maybe you'll go too.

With all the terrible things I've done, Linda?

Come on.

Definitely going to Hell.

But wasn't there a time that all you wanted was to go back there?

Yeah, as Hell's torturer.

But with a soul, if I die, I'll turn up as one of the tortured.

[exhales]

Oh, God.

I know how they're gonna t*rture me. I've gotta go fix this.

♪ If you only knew How much I loved you ♪

♪ The sky would open up And show from Heaven above... ♪

LUCIFER: Detective!

Lucifer.

You look handsome.

LUCIFER: You look good enough to eat.

[laughs]

Um, why are we at Jeremy's right now, dressed like this?

Weren't we gonna confront him tomorrow?

LUCIFER: Why put off till tomorrow what we can do tonight whilst drinking wine? Besides, if we confront him head-on, he'll surely deny, deny, deny. But if we get him to sell us one of his deliciously illegal meats, then voila!

[in French accent]

Leverage.

-[normal accent]

Leverage.

-So like a sting-date combo.

You know, that's a nice work-life balance, Lucifer. Maybe I don't need to be so worried about you becoming God after all.

-Well, I told you.

[chuckles]

-I know.

It'll be nice to have some alone time, just the two of us.

[Lucifer]

Mm.

[God]

Son.

CHLOE: Uh, and your dad.

-[Lucifer exhales]

[woman]

Chloe.

CHLOE: And my mom.

Oh, ready for our double Decker date?

[chuckles]

[Lucifer sighs]

-[Chloe, God]

Hmm.

-[woman]

Oh!

-Good to see you two finally together.

-[Lucifer chuckles]

Hmm!

On a surprise, totally without warning, double date.

Oh, you didn't know either? Well, that explains a lot. My daughter never invites me to dinner.

[chuckles]

I was blindsided too.

Impossible, Dad, you're omniscient.

Dad?

Well, we haven't been properly introduced. I'm Penelope.

I know. Aww, you know my work. Well, points already.

And your name is?

You can call me God.

CHLOE: Frey! Godfrey is his name.

Yeah, I thought you two would get along. Dad is retiring, and Penelope herself is retired.

-[hesitates]

I am not retired.

-[Lucifer]

No?

Who told you that? My agent?

Oh! Sorry, my mistake.

Well, you have other things in common. You've both lost spouses.

So, there's that.

Your wife d*ed?

No, she's just in her own universe.

Isn't that just how relationships fall apart?

My John and I, we were the opposite. We were totally connected. Totally supportive of each other.

-Hmm.

What? You don't agree?

[inhales]

CHLOE: Well, he was... completely supportive of you. He gave up his dream of becoming a detective to support your career.

And you're saying that's my fault?

Children. They blame us for everything.

Right? As if we created the world.

[laughing]

So... tell me, Godfrey. How long have you been this handsome?

Hmm.

[barking]

[panting]

All right.

[shushing]

One, two, three.

[door opens]

Maze!

Maze, what are you doing?

[sighs]

Nothing.

I can't do it.

Can't do what?

[sighs]

Something I'll feel guilty about.

[sighs]

Why, Maze?

[sighs]

Because that'll be what Squee tortures me with in Hell, okay?

I know what my Hell loop is going to be. I was trying to change it.

So you'd rather be a puppy m*rder*r?
I'm going to be trapped in that hospital room, Amenadiel. Breaking Eve's heart.
Losing her over and over and over. Forever.

Maybe not, Maze.

[shudders]

When Lucifer becomes God, you can just ask him for help.

Hold on.

Lucifer's doing what?

He's taking over after our father retires. I'm sure it's gonna be no problem for him to change the rules of Hell for you.

You got this, right?

-What?

-Yep, okay.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Maze, what are you doing?

-Maze!

Don't-- [groans]

-[urinating]

My little rebel made such a mess in that garden.

[Penelope and God laugh]

Chloe's most difficult phase were her Goth years. [chuckling] Hot Topic almost bankrupted us.

-[God chuckles]

-Okay. Enough with the childhood embarrassing stories, thank you.

Godfrey, why don't you tell us about your old job?

What kind of work-life balance did you have?

I actually didn't have much of a life.

It was pretty much all work.

LUCIFER: I'm sure he's exaggerating.

Caused a lot of problems between me and my wife.

She always felt like I didn't have enough time for her.

Maybe she was right.

-Oh.

-Ready to order entrees?

-I'm not hungry.

-I'm vegan.

-What?

Since when?

LUCIFER: Okay, I'll order for the table.

[waiter]

Would you like to hear our specials?

LUCIFER: Well, actually, um...

[whispers] I'm interested in your special specials. I'm in the mood for some Asian arowana.

Sir, we don't serve endangered animals here.

LUCIFER: That's not what I heard. I'd like to speak with the owner, please.

Sorry, sir, you have the wrong idea.

Well, I think we just blew our sh*t.

LUCIFER: Oh, merely a slight snag. Anyway, let's concentrate on what's important here. Your mom and my dad.

A match made in Heaven.

Excuse me.

Jeremy Morgan, I'm the owner.

And I want to apologize for our waiter's behavior.

He had no idea we had such an important guest.

LUCIFER: That's quite all right.

Miss Decker, I'm a a huge fan.

[chuckles]

Althea: Queen of the Quarks, that should have won you an Oscar.

[laughs]

Oh, my! Well, thank you.

And I totally agree.

[Jeremy]

It is an honor to have you in my restaurant.

Now, we don't normally serve first-timers from our secret menu, and sadly, we don't have any arowana, but I do have a delicacy fit for a queen.

Oh.

[Jeremy] Ailuropoda melanoleuca tartare.

Ooh, sounds so European.

-[God]

You said you were vegan, right?

-Mm-hmm.

You sure you wanna eat panda?

Panda?

Jeremy Morgan, you're under arrest.

And I'm sure PETA will agree, most likely going to Hell.

ELLA: Yesterday, on my morning run, I saw this guy about to cross the street, head in his phone, not paying attention, moments away from walking into traffic. And my mind started picturing things. Like... like, really vivid things. Which car would hit him first? Which of his bones would shatter? The position his body would land on the ground. Exactly how long it would take him to bleed out. Detail after detail. I eventually snapped out of it, but... it was too late.

He got hit?

ELLA: No. No, he-- He looked up in time. -But that, that's not the point.

-[sighs]

ELLA: The point is that helping him wasn't my first thought.

[voce breaking]

Or my second. Or my third. [crying] How messed up is that?

Ella. You've been coming to see me ever since you caught Pete.

And over all that time, you've never taken a single day off. Maybe it's catching up to you.

ELLA: No, no, no, no, the job is what centers me. Channels these thoughts into some kind of purpose. The truth is... I've been this way my entire life. I've hidden it from everyone.[inhales] Dan, Chloe. Everyone thinks I'm a good person. I told Amenadiel that I would try to accept myself, but... how? How can I accept myself when this darkness is such a part of who I am?

[sighs]

Why haven't I heard anything yet?

-[clears throat]

Lucifer.

-I gave my Dad a phone.

The least he can do is text me how it went.

As I was saying, we found your freezer full of illegal meats.

Bruna found out.

She was gonna expose you, so you k*lled her.

I had nothing to do with Bruna's death.

I swear.

-Yes, I serve exotic meats.

-[phone whooshes]

Any idea how hard it is to run a restaurant in LA?

You have to innovate just to stay in business.

The savage isn't lying about that.

-Oh, so you are with us?

-[phone chiming]

Sorry.

So, Bruna wasn't aware of what you were up to?

No, she was, but she wasn't trying to stop me.

She was trying to sell some of her fish.

Marine conservationist Bruna, whose whole life was that aquarium?

I don't know about any of that.

All I know is she approached me months ago and offered to sell me some bluefin tuna.

It's hard to come by, so I bought some.

I have the wire transfers to prove it.

If you were in business, what were you arguing about?

A week ago, she offered me her rarest fish.

She said she needed to sell $ , worth, but I'd just maxed out on my budget on...

[sighs]

...bald eagle.

So I turned her down.

She freaked out and left, and that's the last time I had any contact with her.

-Where were you the night of the m*rder?

-My restaurant.

My employees can verify.

-[chiming]

-[Lucifer]

For Dad's sake.

I know he has big fingers, but these texts are simply indecipherable. I'm just gonna call him.

Excuse me, Detective.

Wolfgang Yuck.

We're gonna need those wire transfers.

[cell phone ringing]

[Lucifer]

Oh, come on, just answer the bloody phone.

Oh, there you are.

So?

How'd it go?

Ready to ride off into the sunset with a Decker of your own?

Penelope is lovely. But she's a few millennia too young for me.

Right. Okay. No double Decker.

[chuckles]

Well, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'll find you a match if it's the last non-God thing I do.

Lucifer, you're not listening.

There is and will always be only one woman I will ever love.

Fine.

Well, if you're gonna be stubborn about it, I'll plan a different element of your retirement, then.

Son.

I don't need your help.

I need to make sure that everything's ready.

Unless... Unless, of course, you just want to name your successor now.

Perhaps someone who's passionate about making plans, if you know what I mean?

You mean someone who's trying to get rid of me.

I am trying to make your transition as smooth as possible, Dad.

Get everything moving so you can just give me the-- give me the throne.

[sighs]

Everything in its time, son.

For now... I don't wanna hear you speak a word of my retirement again.

Eh.

Heard and understood.

You won't hear another word about your retirement come out of these lips.

Hole in one.

-Again.

-[chuckles]

-This is fun.

-Huh.

But I know why we're really here.

Lucifer asked you to talk to me about my retirement.

He's delegating.

One of the many requirements of your job, right?

And you're sure you want Lucifer to take my place?

Believe me, Dad, I... have my reservations, but... Lucifer's come a long way.

And he does his best when you put a little faith in him.

Huh.

So how many of these games do you want me to win before we visit Lucifer's retirement homes?

[both laugh]

I'm glad you're back, Dad.

I'm really enjoying spending this kind of time with you.

Me too, son.

[chuckles]

But something's been bothering me.

-I mean, you're playing the perfect game.

-Should I take it easy on you?

No, no, that's not it.

That's not it.

It's just... I don't know.

It doesn't seem to me like you're losing it.

It is strange, isn't it?

I feel fine.

When's the first time you noticed a problem?

I didn't.

Michael did.

A few months back.

Michael noticed?

And did you feel like you were losing control of your powers then?

[exhales]

Not right away, but the more we talked about it, the more I realized I was.

You know we angels self-actualize, right?

Dad, what if you self-actualize too?

What if you're doing this to yourself?

Oh!

Amenadiel says Dad didn't want to see any of the rest homes I picked.

-Huh.

-[sighs]

Do you think maybe he's reconsidering retiring, maybe?

You don't want me to be God, do you?

Lucifer, this whole case, you know, your mind has... been elsewhere.

And I just wonder if when you're actually ruling the universe, you don't have time for us.

Just like your dad said that he didn't have time for your mom.

Detective, I have told you, I'm going to do things differently.

[chuckles]

Said every child of every parent ever.

Guys, so I checked Bruna's secret wire account, and it confirms Jeremy's story.

She was totally receiving deposits from him.

-So she was selling her fish.

-[Ella]

That's not all.

A few days before she was m*rder*d, she received a mondo transfer for $ , .

The exact same amount that Bruna told Jeremy she needed.

Mm-hmm.

Now, I don't know who sent the payment, but I was able to track the routing info to an IP registered to this address.

[grunting]

Huh!

That sushi they're eating could be Bruna's fish.

Recognize anyone?

Oh!

Yakuza tattoos.

[grunting]

-Wonderful.

Who do you think's in charge?

-My guess.

The impressive chap in red.

I'll get us an audience.

But we have a warrant.

Well, respect will get us further.

And the quickest way to earn that is to display superior skills in battle.

Battle?

Lucifer, no.

Relax, Detective, I'm invulnerable, remember?

Besides, my dad has been driving me up the wall.

I need to blow off some steam.

Lucifer--

[men murmuring]

Fancy another go?

-[laughing]

-Oh?

Very well, I'll go first.

[snarls]

Hai!

[man grunting]

[grunts]

-[grunts]

-[men laughing]

-[speaks Japanese]

-[man chuckles]

Oh!

[gasps]

[growls]

LUCIFER: Well, this doesn't seem like a very fair fight. Let's even things up, shall we?

[grunting]

[chuckling]

[thuds]

Yummy.

-Who knows what that is?

-Good point.

[chuckles]

Okay, that's not Bruna's endangered fish.

I only bought her good legal stuff.

$ , worth?

No.

That was purely a donation I made 'cause she was an honorable woman.

What's so honorable about making a profit selling endangered animals?

She wasn't keeping the money for herself.

She was putting the money back into the aquarium to save the fish.

The place was in dire straits.

Without the K, the aquarium would go under.

So she was sacrificing a few fish to save the many?

[man]

Hmm.

Did anyone else know what Bruna was doing?

A woman called from the aquarium asking about the donation, implying it was for some missing fish.

She sounded angry.

I didn't catch her name.

Huh.

-Oh, thank you.

-Yes, thank you.

-[man exhales]

-See?

Easy.

Yes, but which female employee would have the motive to k*ll Bruna?

Well, who would be more angry about the aquarium being used as a seafood bar than our old friend Lizzie?

The woman who actually owns it?

Exactly.

-But we have no evidence to prove it.

-[sighs]

So, what was it you wanted to see me about?

Well, don't you wanna keep it?

Eve doesn't want it, so it's useless to me.

LUCIFER: [sighs] Maze, I am sorry that I didn't tell you about your mother. I wanted to. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have kept my promise.

It's okay. Lucifer, I get it.

You were just trying to protect me from having to face how... little I meant to her.

Yeah.

So I hear you're going to be God.

LUCIFER: If all goes well. Do you wanna talk me out of it?

No. I want you to be God, so you can change one of the rules of Hell for me.

LUCIFER: Ah, yes, Amenadiel told me you want me to change your Hell loop.

No. I want you to change who can sit on the throne.

LUCIFER: But Father said Hell no longer needed a warden.

But maybe it deserves one.

LUCIFER: You? Is that what you really want?

I can't stay here, Lucifer. And I want to control who does the torturing.

[exhales]

LUCIFER: Well. I can't think of anyone I would trust more with our old home. To Mazikeen. Queen of Hell.

I was thinking Maziqueen.

But whatever.

[chuckles]

[glasses clink]

-[typing]

-[sighs]

-Daddy Morningstar!

Hey.

-[chuckles]

Oh, if you're looking for your son, he-- You know what I just realized? If you're Lucifer's dad, that would make you God.

Right?

Hmm. That would, wouldn't it?

I really wish you were. 'Cause I am grasping at straws in our latest case. And it would be so much easier if you'd just, you know...

[clucks]

wink, wink, just tell me how to catch our k*ller.

I can't tell you that.

[Ella groans]

But I can tell you're struggling with something. Is there anything I can do to help?

Not unless you can smite the darkness out of me.

Everyone has darkness in them. It's not about getting rid of it. It's about accepting it.

Yeah, but mine's... mine's different. Deeper. It attracts me to bad people. I think... I think maybe I'm a bad person.

My child. The darker the darkness, the brighter the light. And you, Miss Lopez, shine so very, very brightly. I can see it all the way from Heaven.

[exhales]

-[computer beeps]

-Oh, uh, those are the results!

Oh, my gosh. My hunch paid off.My-- Uh... [clears throat]

So, God is retiring.

And Lucifer's taking his place.

Hmm.

Makes an odd amount of sense.

Really?

That's your reaction?

Well, Lucifer is surprisingly great at big picture kind of stuff. I mean, he did just pull off a pretty elaborate prank that made me think...

[chuckles]

I got a bunch of people k*lled.

So... I'm sorry.

Lucifer did what?

D-Doesn't matter.

The-- the point is, it was a pretty transformative experience for me.

In a good way.

So, if Lucifer is God, I can think of crazier things.

Wow.

Did not think I would ever hear that from you.

But, um...

[clears throat]

that's not what I'm concerned about.

What are you worried about then?

CHLOE: That he won't be able to balance being the ruler of the universe with being my boyfriend. Which, when I say out loud, sounds selfish-- No.

Mnh-mnh.

-Yeah.

-I get it.

It's a lot.

But if it's any comfort, Lucifer's crazy about you.

And you know that.

And you're crazy about him.

So I think you should just trust that whatever challenges life throws at you, you're gonna figure it out.

Prepare to be impressed.

So you guys remember how we couldn't find the victim's missing arm, right?

So based on her husband saying that she had a Fitbit, I was able to track its serial number, ping its location, and boom, found it!

[Dan]

Huh. It's still at the aquarium, you guys.

Doing figure eights in one of the tanks.

So it's inside of a shark?

Bingo!

Now sharks swallow their meals whole, so if there's any sort of evidence on that arm, it might still be there.

Yeah, but the hand that we already have didn't produce any identifiable DNA, so with water and stomach acid, the chances are even slimmer with this arm.

Right.

But the k*ller doesn't know that.

[man]

Uh, I don't know about this.

It's just a fish.

If I could move it on my own, I would.

You're asking us to move a shark.

I'm sorry, lady, but we gotta go.

-Come on.

-[Chloe]

You, uh, moving something?

[chuckles]

Detective!

This, uh... this shark's grown too large for his t*nk.

I'm transporting him to the marina to set him free.

Just two hours after I told you it's digesting a piece of evidence.

Hmm.

I couldn't imagine a more suspicious time to suddenly free Willy.

The shark's name is Andrew.

And I'm sorry, but unless you have a warrant, then whatever's in Andrew's stomach has to stay there while I release him.

That's funny because I thought you were a hands-off kind of boss.

Not when it comes to covering up her crimes, it seems.

Oh, and we do have a warrant.

Our search team is in your office right now.

Plus, I'm sure we'll find your DNA on Bruna's arm.

So I would say you are dead in the water, Lizzie.

[hesitates]

I was-- I was too hands-off.

I-- I found out too late that Bruna was playing God, choosing which fish would live and which ones would die.

None of these beautiful creatures deserve that.

Sounds to me like Bruna wasn't the only one playing God.

Did you enjoy smiting her?

I didn't mean to k*ll her. I-- I confronted her about-- about what she was doing, and she-- she threw it in my face.

She said that she'd been telling me about our financial issues for years.

You know, things got heated, and I... I lost control.

I didn't even know I had the letter opener in my hand until I stabbed her with it.

If I had just listened to her... given her what she needed when she told me, then none of this would have ever happened.

Well, Elizabeth Newman, you're under arrest for the m*rder of Bruna Lorenzoni.

[mutters]

[handcuffs click]

Lucifer, you okay?

No, I-- Something our k*ller said just made me realize something.

I don't think I've been listening at all to what my father truly wants for his retirement.

Would you excuse me?

There's something I need to do.

[sighs]

Hey, Gabriel.

You got a minute?

Oh, come on, I know you're listening.

You always are.

[wings flap]

What can I say?

It's one of my God-given talents.

Indeed.

But right now I am interested in one of your other talents.

I, uh... I need you to do me a favor.

[knock on door]

[Chloe]

CHLOE: Mom!

Hi.

What are you doing here?

I brought Trixie a chocolate cake.

Oh.

How thoughtful.

She won't be here until later but thank you.

CHLOE: Mom, are you okay?

It's what you said at dinner. I mean, do you really think I'd make your father give up his dreams?

CHLOE: Well, I don't know if you made him, but he did.

Oh, darling. You always think you know everything. Your father and I had a deal. We would take turns.

He'd hold off on becoming a detective until I got my acting career going.

And then after a few years, we would switch.

[hesitates]

But when it came time... for his turn, he, um... He d*ed.

[voice cracks]

I wanted to see your father become a detective so badly.

CHLOE: I'm sorry, Mom.

I just need you to know that I loved your father from the bottom of my heart. And I'd give anything to have another chance at being the supporting partner.

CHLOE: Okay, Mom.

[sniffles]

I hear you.

[sniffles]

You wanna stay for dinner? We have dessert.

-[laughs, sniffles]

Lucifer!

-[chuckles]

-Why'd you call us here, brother?

Well, after finally listening to what Dad's been telling me all along, I realized there's only one thing that's gonna make his retirement fulfilling. So, I enlisted Gabriel's help to make it happen. Did you know our sister can deliver a message anywhere? And I mean... anywhere.

Mom?

Hello, my sweet boy.

Husband.

Wife.

Lucifer, how?

Well, it wasn't easy. Mom says she only has enough juice for this one time.

GOD: I never thought I'd see you again.

I never thought I'd see you retire.

Hmm.

Well, like I've always said, it's a tough gig. But you understand that now that you're doing it.

I don't find it nearly as difficult as you made it out to be.

[chuckles]

GOD: Then clearly you're better at it than I ever was. No surprise in that.

Well, I must admit, though... it does get lonely at the top.

Lucifer, you don't have to become God anymore. I found out Dad's not losing his powers.

Michael's been gaslighting him.

It's all been inside of his head.

Michael?

[scoffs]

Well, he won't get away with that sorta thing when I'm in charge.

Brother, do you hear what I'm saying? Dad's fine.

He can keep being God.

Everything can go back to normal.

Everything.

We can be a family again.

[chuckles]

Wonderful, except for the part where I don't get to become God and prove that I'm worthy.

[hesitates]

Just, I'll deal with this. So looks like my plans for Dad's retirement have got off to a smashing start.

[chuckles]

What's it gonna be, hmm? Good old Florida? Back up to the Silver City?

Actually, we have decided... we're moving to my universe.

What?

But you're both here.

-Together.

-[Lucifer]

Yeah.

You're just gonna leave us again?

Without any ability to come back?

Your mother spent a long time in my world.

It's my turn... to spend time in hers.

[sighs]

Dad, a-- a word, please.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but... now that we know you're not losing it, there's no need for you to retire.

You can just keep on being God.

I thought you wanted to be God.

Well, I did.

I-- I do.

[hesitates]

But you've only just got here.

Can't you... stay and annoy me for a bit longer?

Nothing lasts forever, son.

[huffs]

I am so... so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye last time.

-No, I never blamed you, Mom.

-No.

[chuckles]

Of course, you didn't.

My kindest, wisest, most perfect son.

And now the perfect dad.

I'm far from it.

But... I'm trying my best.

That's what makes you perfect.

So that's it?

I've got no choice in the matter?

I've given you a life of choice.

This one's mine.

[sighs]

Lucifer.

At our family dinner... you were right.

[inhales]

I could have been a better father to you.

[chuckles]

Well, now you forego your mysterious ways.

Just as you're leaving?

No need for them anymore now that I'm retiring.

Which means...

[Lucifer sighs]

...I can say something I've wanted to for a long time.

I love you, son.

[sighs deeply]

And I am very proud of the man you've become.

[Lucifer sobbing]

I think Amenadiel might like to hear that too.

-[God laughs]

-[panting]

I already told him.

It was an emotional round of golf.

[chuckles]

Time to go.

My universe needs me.

-[Lucifer]

Oh.

-[sighs]

Thank you, son.

[God sighs]

Dad, wait.

You forgot to name your successor.

It's not up to me anymore.

You'll figure it out.

Back to your mysterious ways already.

All part of my plan.

Plan.

How much of this was your plan?

[chuckles]

Goodbye, my loves.

[Lucifer sighs]

[sighs]

-Hi.

-[exhales]

I'm glad you called.

How are you holding up?

Oh, nothing lasts forever, I suppose.

[huffs]

I decided something.

I'm quitting the LAPD.

Sorry.

Sorry, I thought I heard you say you were quitting the LAPD.

Yeah.

I became a cop so that I could do good and help people.

And as God, you'll have the power to help, well, everyone.

So if I can help you become God... then I'll be helping everyone as well.

[hesitates]

Are you sure?

I mean, how can I call you "the Detective" if you're not actually a detective?

[chuckles]

Lucifer... you've been helping me do my job for the last five years.

Now it's my turn to support you.

That's what partners do, right?

[gasps]

[chuckles]

I'll take that as a yes.

[Lucifer sighs]

-[wings flap]

-[Remiel]

Lucifer!

Where is Father?

Uh, excuse us, we were having a moment.

Where is he?

Gone.

Retired.

Eternally unavailable.

Did he name his successor?

No, he said it was up to us to figure it out, but why?

Can we talk?

Without the human?

No.

Whatever you want to say to me, you can say in front of... my consultant.

[chuckles]

So be it.

Upon returning to the Silver City, I discovered something alarming.

Michael's been gathering support from the others.

Support for what?

Michael wants to be God.

The sneaky bastard.

I bet this was his plan all along.

If it's up to our brothers and sisters, it looks like he has a good sh*t, which is why... and I cannot believe I am saying this... I am backing you, Lucifer.

I may not like you, but I hate Michael even more.

Now there's a ringing endorsement for my campaign poster.

Michael would never suspect I'd take your side.

So, I'll find out what he's up to.

[sighs]

Whatever it is, it can't be good.

And knowing my brother, he won't be wasting any time.

[animals shriek]

Hello.

-Who's your favorite brother?

-Oh!

Quit it, dork!

Gotcha.

[chuckles]

I did the favor for Lucifer, like you asked me to.

Gotta say, Mom's universe is pretty cool.

The centaurs freak me out, though.

And... You get the thing?

I got the thing.

-You wanna see it?

-Uh-huh.

-Careful!

-[clattering]

This thing can actually k*ll us.

Oh, that's right.

My bad.

[sighs]

[exhales]

Azrael really should have kept a better eye on her blade.