01x05 - Elvis, Jesus, Coca Cola

[bunniefuu]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SIGHS]

[IN SPANISH] Can I help you, sir?

Did you leave something behind?

No, no.

[IN SPANISH] I didn't
leave anything behind.

I just got here.

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, but we're closed.

We open again at night.

Ah.

Say...

can I ask you something?

Can you look up?

Just for a second?

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

It's okay. It's okay.

It won't have time to hurt.

Good, good, Jorge.

You're doing very good.

Just let it go.

Let it go.

It's okay.

[SIGHS]

[IN ENGLISH] Just let it go.

Nothing to be afraid of.

You did good.

[SIGHS]

[BRAKES SQUEAKING]

Hey, come on.

- Is this it?
- This is it. Come on. Let's go.

Come on, sweetie. Let's go.

Gracias.

Gracias.

[MUSIC PLAYS]

Come on.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[MAN SINGING]

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

You done? Come on. Let's go. Finish up.

Hey, what are you doing?

- So we go this way?
- Come on.

Gracias.

We're kinda close. Charlie.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

- Come on.
- Gracias.

Gracias. Buenas noches.

- You have tacos?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, we go this way.
- [ALLIE] Careful, careful, careful.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Everyone here's a
-year-old backpacker.

We're like mastodons stomping around.

We're visible from space.

I think it's pretty cool.

Excuse me? I don't even know how
to answer that. I'm unequipped.

Do you know what cool means?

Yes, I know what cool means.

Not if it means Neil Young, you don't.

Neil Young is cool.

Dad, Neil Young sings
like someone's squeezing

an old man's ball sack.

One of these days I'm
gonna meet Neil Young,

and I'm gonna tell him you said that.

- And you know what he's gonna say?
- What?

Something cool.

Okay.

- [CHARLIE LAUGHS] Ow!
- [DINA LAUGHS, SQUEALS]

- Okay, come... come on, guys. Come on.
- Ow! [CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

Come on. Come on.
It's time for bed. Let's go.

Are you insane? We just got here.

And you know what, we're tired.

[CHUCKLES] I'm not t...

- I'm not tired.
- Well, I'm tired.

Go to bed. Come on.

Hey, hey. Stop it.

I know you wanna goof around.

We gotta keep a low profile
so no one finds us.

- [SIGHS]
- You mean her?

No, no, no. Not her.
She's behind us, all right?

Look...

while we're here, we gotta
sit tight, all right?

Can't talk to anybody.
Do you understand?

Okay, except there's, like,
eight million people out there.

Nine million.

- [DINA] I think it's eight. Eight.
- [CHARLIE] No, it's... it's more like nine.

- All right. All right.
- Nine.

[DINA] Either way, who's gonna find us?

Nobody. Nobody's gonna find us.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go see some people.

And they're gonna help
me find my friend, Isela.

You, in particular,
are gonna like Isela.

[DINA] So where is she?

[ALLIE] I don't know. Or not exactly.

[DINA] How come?

A long time ago, she got
into a lot of trouble.

She got involved in
destroying crops, GM's.

Uh, genetically modified crops.

So she went on the run.

And now she lives in the
most beautiful place.

And she's gonna let us live there.

[CHARLIE] Like a place on the beach?

I don't know about a beach, but...

if not a beach, it's gonna
be a whole lot better.

Promise.

[MUSIC PLAYS]

[TYPING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[MAN] Mm-hmm.

[PHONE RINGS]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

[MUSIC STOPS]

- [RINGS]
- [SIGHS]

Residencia Lee.

[IN SPANISH] With whom do I speak?

[IN SPANISH] Bill, I hope
you're not too busy?

[IN ENGLISH] No, no.

[IN SPANISH] Not at all.

[IN ENGLISH] Just doing a little
work on The Glass Sandwich.

[IN ENGLISH] That's jim-dandy.

How is it coming along?

Well...

I've reached my daddy's death, so...

[IN SPANISH] Well, I hate to obtrude.

Not at all.

[IN SPANISH] It's always a pleasure.

Who do you have for me?

Well, I have four of them.

Four.

[DOOR CLOSES]

- Oh.
- [ALLIE] Oh.

You look great.

Hmm.

Like Grace Kelly.

[SIGHS] You look like Mickey Rourke.

Which movie?

Mmm.

[CHUCKLES]

You sure Calaca's even here?

As sure as I can be without
seeing him face-to-face.

And if they're not?

They are. They're here.

I wanna come with you.

You can't.

We need you to steal us some money.

We need money.

Well, yeah, we can do that
together, right? Later?

Except what happens if I die?

Who's gonna plan my memorial service?

I'm not trusting the kids to do that.

That's not funny.

It's kind of funny.

Look at my face.

Is it laughing?

[CHUCKLES]

- Think anyone would come?
- To what?

My memorial service.

You don't know anybody.
Who the hell is gonna come?

If I did, do you think
anyone would come?

Oh, so if you had hypothetical friends,

do you think hypothetically they'd come

to your hypothetical memorial service?

Yeah. That's the question I'm asking.

Sure. Why not?

Would you cater it?

[SIGHS] Come on.

I'm a little nervous.

Okay?

Yeah.

They know about you,
but they don't know you.

Well, you don't know them.

They're friends.

Whom you've never met,
only interacted with.

You make it sound so filthy.

It's easy. Calaca tells
us where to find Isela,

and then, you know, we
have a minute to regroup.

Take our time.

Figure out what's happening next.

[EXHALES]

Coming with, huh?

Coming with.

[CHATTERING]

[IN SPANISH] Cola, please.
Room temperature.

Warm as it comes.

No ice.

[WATER RUNNING]

- [COUGHS]
- [WATER STOPS]

[SIGHS]

[WATER RUNNING]

[CHARLIE COUGHS]

[WATER STOPS]

[SIGHS]

[CHARLIE SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

I'm hungry.

[DINA] Mom and Dad said they
want us to stay in the room

until they get back.

[BOTH SIGH]

Left us again.

[SIGHS]

[SCOFFS] Great.

So, what are we supposed to do?

- Don't know.
- Stay in?

"Don't go out or talk to anyone."

Ask no questions. Do what they say.

Always.

[SIGHS] Well, I'm hungry right now.

Mm-hmm.

Do you think there's, like,
a restaurant or something?

Like a Denny's?

Like you've even ate at a Denny's.

So what? Neither have you.

Sure.

Yeah.

When?

- [SCOFFS] All the time.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah. With, you know,
with Josh and stuff.

Josh.

You seriously never been there?

No. When would I have gone?

I don't know. When do you do anything?

Well, if I don't eat, I'm
literally gonna die, so...

Maybe you should go to the restaurant.

See if you can steal someone's
leftovers or something, like rolls.

Okay. You coming?

No, no, you go. I'm good.

You sure?

Yes. Jesus. Go.

[DOOR CLOSES]

f*ck it. If you won't tell me what
you did, I'll find out myself.

I'm gonna go.

[SIGHS]

[COPY MACHINE WHIRRING]

[COINS CLATTER ON COUNTER]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

- Hey. [WHISTLES]
- Hey. You took your time.

Yeah, no kidding.

Guy wanted a fortune for this thing.

So, what, you haggled?

Of course I haggled.

- You don't haggle, you... you stand out.
- Oh, my God.

When you haggle too much,
you get remembered.

- You don't haggle enough...
- Huh?

... you have no money for coffee.

And I've been dreaming about
a coffee. You want one?

I'd love one.

[DRUMMING]

[DRUMMING CONTINUES]

[TYPING]

[SIGHS]

Where'd you eat last night?

Japanese place. Near the hotel.

Hmm. Any good?

[JONES] According to what metric?

The "did it taste good?" metric.

I hate Japanese food.

But it fit the "closest
place to eat" metric.

What about you?

Irish place.

[JONES] Irish place.

- You mean the bar?
- [SHAPLAND] They serve food.

We got a hit. Uh, from the
digital buoy. The article.

Outstanding. Where is she?

[WOMAN] Oh, yeah.
Right. Um, Mexico City.

[JONES] Get the jet fueled up.

And find my Dramamine,
or we're all gonna be sorry.

- [TAPPING]
- [DOG BARKS]

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- [BARKS]

[BARKS]

[BARKS]

[TAPPING]

[BEEPS]

[BEEPS]

Yes. [SIGHS]

[CHATTERING]

[SIGHS]

Do you like chocolate?

Oh, sorry. Uh, y-you
don't speak, uh, English?

Do you?

- Yeah. I'm, uh... I'm American.
- Okay.

Exactement.

Oh, wait.

Sorry.

- This one?
- Yes.

[CHUCKLES]

- Ta-da. [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES]

Um, okay. Thanks, um...

That was, um, unnecessary.

- Oh, yeah. Sorry.
- J'ai de l'argent.

- Uh, it was...
- I have... I have money to buy.

Sorry. Yeah, it was stupid.

Um, may I, uh, also have some chips?

[PHONE CHIMES]

[ALLIE] Are you f*cking kidding me?

What?

Smile.

[BEEPS]

- [IN SPANISH] Keep an eye out.
- [IN SPANISH] Okay.

You keep watching that
pot, it's not gonna boil.

It's been ten years.

So what are they doing?

Reprimanding us for being tardy?

They got the message.
You know that, right?

Mm-hmm.

- Got the message.
- Yeah.

- Be one thing if...
- [CHIMES]

What? Doesn't make any sense.

- What is this sh*t?
- What sh*t?

- It's coordinates.
- To where?

Hey.

Fifteen minutes.

Can we even do that?

Well, it's what they need us to do
and where they need us to go.

We've got no choice.

No, no, no.

Point is they don't need anything.

They can't need it.

They're just doing that
to us because they can.

So what am I? Just a... a trained seal?

Listen, you're a guy who
has to swallow his pride

and be where they need you to be
in a bit less than minutes,

or else you're a guy who has to
come up with a whole new plan.

Well, I don't have another plan.

I'd like another plan. You have a plan?

We did my plan. You remember that?

Yeah, you remember that.
We stayed at home under the radar,

but they still found us, Allie.

Because you know what,
it turns out they don't forget.

They keep looking.

All right, f*ck it. Let's spitball.

Uh, we'll just get out the
whiteboard and Sharpie, right?

No such thing as a bad idea.

We got nothing.

We got nowhere else to go.

- Jesus.
- I could rob a casino.

I could do that.

Go anywhere we want in the world.

I'll bet you I can rob a casino.

Yeah, I bet you could. Let's go.

f*ck.

[COINS CLATTER ON TABLE]

Charlie?

Charlie?

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

[CHATTERING]

I mean, like, uh, the English guy.
He dropped some E on the beach.

[GASPS] No, don't. He doesn't know
what ecstasy is. [CHUCKLES]

- He found it.
- [LAUGHS]

- We can't corrupt him. [LAUGHS]
- [DINA] Hey.

- Hey. I've been...
- [CHARLIE] Oh.

- Hi.
- Hey, sis.

This is, like, my sister or whatever.

- Hey. [CHUCKLES]
- Ciao.

- Hey.
- Hey.

[MAN] Beer? Have a seat.

- Beer?
- Do you wanna sit down?

[SIGHS] Can I...

Can I... Hey, can I... Can
I talk to you for a minute?

I don't even... That's so disgusting.
Wait, pass me that.

Uh, now?

- Yeah. Yeah, now.
- What? What do you need to tell me?

Like a human Froyo. [CHUCKLES]

- This is fun.
- What is your problem?

- I just need...
- What is your problem? Can you relax?

Can we go to the room or something?

- I need to tell you something.
- Why?

- Charlie's sister, have a beer.
- I just...

- You got another one?
- Don't listen to those assholes.

- How you feeling, man?
- [MAN] It's just one beer.

- Yeah, like, I feel like I'm blushing.
- I'm sorry, these guys are complete nuts.

- Yeah. Wow. [CHUCKLES]
- Don't listen to anything they say.

[ALLIE] Margot.

Margot.

Come here.

This isn't how it's supposed to be.

I know. But it is what it is. Okay?

f*ck.

- [MUSIC PLAYING]
- [MAN] It was a great time, really.

- And the owner opens the door...
- Uh,

so you guys know each other, huh?

Yeah, we, um... we met up down in Lima.

- [CHATTERING]
- [DINA] Lima? Uh, cool.

What about you? Where are you from?

Um, I'm from... I'm from Stockton.

I'm really sorry. I don't
know where that is.

- It's okay. It's okay. It's in California.
- Great.

Oh, my God. Guys, she's
from California, Stockton.

- Stockton?
- [WOMAN] Yeah.

- Is that a disease?
- [CHUCKLES] No, it's...

You know, we... we talked about
doing America, but then...

you know, we thought about
it, and... [CHUCKLES]

Not for us. [CHUCKLES]

No, no, no. [CHUCKLES]

Masculinité toxique. No? Incels.

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

Uh, Jesus. Elvis. [CHUCKLES]

Uh, Coca-Cola.

It's like you can't even buy
a Kinder Surprise Egg

'cause they're illegal.

They're too dangerous.

The little teeny-tiny plastic
toy might choke someone.

But you can basically go to a fast food

and order a g*n with your hot wings.

[LAUGHS]

This is it.

How long?

Two minutes.

Two. Do you even know
who we're looking for?

[ALLIE] No.

Yeah.

[MAN] Allie?

Allie!

Allie.

Allie!

Gr-gracias.

- Hello?
- [MAN] Who are you?

You know who this it.
It's Allie. You know me.

Allie disappeared ten years ago.

No, that's not... It's not what you...

Nobody disappeared. We just...

We just thought we'd try and make
it work in the States, that's all.

Is this, um... Is this Calaca?

[MAN CHUCKLES]

You know me. You don't need to do this.

Are you alone?

Yes. [STAMMERS]

I mean, no, I'm... Well, I'm with
Margot, my wife, and the kids.

You know about them.
They were all part of the deal.

[ALLIE] Hello?

- Hello?
- [LINE CLICKS]

f*cking assh*le.

[PHONE CHIMES]

- [TAPPING]
- [BEEPS]

Come on, let's go.

sh*t, wait.

f*ck. They were making
sure we don't have a tail.

Security protocol.

Security protocols, my ass.

Passive-aggressive fuckery.

It's a mentality I do
not understand at all.

sh*t.

[WHISTLES]

[RUFUS] Let me just...

[DINA] So, um... So what are
you gonna do when you get home?

I mean, God knows. I've got
an offer from Cambridge. PPE.

- Uh, PP...
- E.

You know, philosophy,
politics and economics?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Of course. PPE.

It's kinda like a big thing. [CHUCKLES]

But actually, you know, I think
I'll take the offer from NYU.

International law.

Because what I'd really
like to do is run an NGO

or maybe organize microloans
for women-run businesses.

Wow, that's awesome.

I just feel like it'd be really great

to give something back,
you know? [CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

Wait.

Stop hogging it. Give it.

Hey. You got it. Go.

- [COUGHS]
- [LAUGHS]

- [RUFUS] That was a big one.
- What about you?

Oh, it's all good. Um...

I don't really...

I... Actually, I got into Columbia.

Yeah.

I was, like, wait-listed
at first, but...

That's so cool!

Guys, she got into Columbia.

- That's great.
- [DINA] Yeah.

- That's good.
- [WOMAN] That is so cool.

We could hang out in New York together.

Exactly. [CHUCKLES] Exactly, yeah.

[MAN] Bingo.

[IN SPANISH] Open.

[IN ENGLISH] Where'd you see 'em?

Get in.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[MAN] And yet America has
no culture, no sense of irony.

Oh, they think it's better than
anywhere else in the world,

and if you don't agree with them,

you basically get invaded. [CHUCKLES]

- I mean, why all the flags? [LAUGHS]
- [WOMAN LAUGHS]

There are flags everywhere.

It's crazy land. It's crazy land.

Take a look at the
big fat m*therf*ckers.

Oh, my God.

Waddling around the mall like elephants.

Americans think they own the world.

They're bullies stomping around in
their socks and sandals. [LAUGHS]

- [WOMAN LAUGHS]
- Jesus.

The Crocs and the... the
baseball caps. [LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

Wait, wait. God and money, right?

Yeah.

- Money first.
- [CHUCKLES]

- Here, Charlie, have some more.
- So American. [CHUCKLES]

[DINA] Charlie.

- Charlie, you don't want that.
- What?

- Give it back.
- Aw, Charlie's sister owns Charlie.

Tell you what to do.

- Does Charlie's sister own Charlie?
- Listen to your sister.

[WOMAN] It's totally fine.

- It's okay. It's fine.
- Telling you what to do.

- You need to calm down. It's fine.
- [WOMAN CHUCKLES]

You know, there was this
time where we were...

we were, like, in a desert.

- There were, like, bodies everywhere.
- [MAN] Bodies? What?

- It was crazy, like...
- Charlie.

- ... like mummies, kind of.
- [MAN] What?

- I think he's really high. [LAUGHS]
- [LAUGHS]

We... We knew this guy, uh, Chuy.
He was... He was a coyote.

- Chuy, the coyote?
- He was...

[LAUGHS]

- Is it your cat?
- No.

[CHUCKLES] Is he your brother?

He was taking us through
the smuggling route

that was like a bombing range.

There were just bombs, like,
everywhere just lying around.

Oh, I think I've been there. [LAUGHS]

[WOMAN] Your brother is
hilarious. [CHUCKLES]

- That was a good one.
- We saw someone get sh*t too.

- I hate when people just get sh*t.
- [LAUGHS]

Oh, my God.

You guys are such dicks.

[WOMAN CHUCKLES] It's okay.

No, you guys, I don't even...

Have you ever even seen anyone get sh*t?

- [WOMAN] What? [LAUGHS]
- My brother has seen more sh*t

than you will ever.

You f*cking bourgeois,
hipster dilettantes.

Okay, okay.

Come on.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [DOOR OPENS]

[MAN] Yeah, go, Charlie. She said go.

What a pleasant experience.
I thought we were friends.

She didn't even smoke
with us. That's why.

- Like, I really thought we were friends.
- [THUD]

Charlie.

- That is what you get.
- Off you go, Charlie. Leave now.

That's what you get for picking
up strays. Like, enough.

[DINA] Charlie, come on.

Okay, how long? [PANTS]

I don't know. A minute, less.

A minute? A minute's
good. A minute's fine.

What are we looking for?

Uh, a message or a dead
drop. Something like that.

- Okay.
- We're looking for a thing.

Got that? A thing!

- You sure this is the right place?
- Yeah. This is it.

[PHONE RINGING FAINTLY]

[RINGS]

You hear that?

[RINGS]

[RINGS]

[RINGS]

- [RINGS]
- f*ck.

Allie.

- Come here.
- [RINGS]

Ready?

- Three, two, one.
- [RINGS]

- Come on, up. Lift, lift, lift.
- [MARGOT GRUNTS]

- [RINGS]
- [ALLIE] Come on. There you go.

[RINGS]

[RINGS]

[RINGS]

[MARGOT] Oh.

- [RINGS]
- Still think he's not f*cking with us?

- [ALLIE] Come on.
- [RINGS]

f*ck.

[RINGS]

- [BEEPS]
- Hello?

f*ck!

m*therf*cking bastard!

Piece of sh*t.

[BEEPING]

[SIGHS]

- [LINE RINGING]
- Come on. Come on, come on.

[RINGS]

Calaca?

Hello?

We're here. I'm here. Uh, we're here.

[CALACA] You're too late.

What?

- No, come on. We're here.
- Last stop.

Be at Mercado Sonora. Ten minutes.

No. No, look, we made it.
We're here. Come on.

You have a tail.

We don't have a f*cking tail.

- [ALLIE] There's no tail.
- We've been watching.

You have a tail.

There's no tail! No one
knows where we are.

No tail!

You can always stop. Forget
this, forget us, go home.

We don't have a f*cking home.

Hello?

Calaca?

Mercado Sonora. Be there in
ten minutes or we'll be gone.

If you have a tail, we'll be gone.

If you call anyone, we'll be gone.

If you do anything we
don't like, we'll be gone.

Do you understand?

- Yeah.
- Yes.

We got it. Let's go.

Let's go.

Hey.

- Anyone home?
- [CHUCKLES] Hey.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

What did you wanna tell me earlier?

Huh?

You said you needed
to show me something.

- [SIGHS] Nothing. It was nothing.
- [CHUCKLES]

Come on.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, boy.

[SIGHS]

[IN SPANISH] Do you want a dress?

- What?
- [IN SPANISH] A dress.

Oh, um, sorry, we don't have any money.

[IN SPANISH] I sell dresses
in my store. It's over here.

No dinero. No dinero.

[IN SPANISH] Dresses right over here.

Come on.

[WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES]

We're here. We're here.

[CALACA] Keep heading north
until you reach the intersection.

There's a covered market.
Head inside. We're watching.

Look for the aisle selling
narco traficante figurines.

Pass the Santa Muerte statues.

Find the pork butcher.

If you're not there in two minutes,

we'll assume you've changed your mind.

We're almost there.

Look for a man in an
orange baseball cap.

He'll bring you to us.

- Orange hat. An orange hat.
- Okay.

- [CALACA] You've got a tail.
- What?

- No! There's no tail!
- You've got a tail.

Take the side exit to your left.

Look for a side exit.

[SIGHS] This is bullshit.

What the f*ck is going on?

[CALACA] You have
reached your destination.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Wait.

Gracias.

[MARGOT GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS] No!

f*ck! No!

No!

[MARGOT GRUNTING]

Allie!

What do we have here?

[DOOR CLOSES]