05x01 - #LizaToo

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Younger". Aired March 2015 - current.*
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Based on the novel by Pamela Redmond Satran, "Younger" follows 40-year old Liza, a suddenly single mother who tries to get back into the working world. After being mistaken for younger than she really is, Lisa decides to take the chance to reboot her career and her love life as a 26-year old.
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05x01 - #LizaToo

Post by bunniefuu »

[THE HIGHFIELD’S "BOLD"]

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

[PHONE DINGS]

- ♪ Ah ah... ♪
- [SCREEN CLACKING]

- _
- _

♪ Ah ah ♪

- Liza!
- [PHONE BLIPS]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- When did you get back?
- Oh, late last night.

I thought you were
flying there to stop it,

but I guess not.

So, these are real?

[SIGHS] It’s Josh.

Impetuous, romantic,
selfless, a little crazy,

and yes, I think he’s making a mistake,

but I’m the last person
who can tell him that.

I feel like you are the one
person who could tell him that.

I tried, Kels. I really did.

But it wasn’t Josh
that wanted me there.

It was Clare.

She wanted pictures
of me at the wedding.

It’ll come in handy when I
vouch for their relationship

to immigration.

Oh, you got yourself into a pickle.

Yep, a real pickle.

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ♪

♪ We ain’t gotta do
anything we’re told ♪

♪ Express yourself ♪

♪ There’s only one way to go ♪

♪ We go big we go bold ♪

Okay, let’s take it one step at a time.

[KNOCKING]

Yes.

I will let you know how it goes.

- Welcome back.
- Thank you.

And sorry for leaving
on such short notice.

Josh got married to a girl
that I introduced him to.

She’s Irish, so they got
married in Ireland.

Right.

It’s really green.

[SOFT LAUGH]

[INHALES]

Liza, um,

I’ve been reviewing

some of the things that went on here

over the past year,

and I’m concerned that
you have been put in a

compromising position.

It’s been weighing on me,

and if you think that the
behavior was inappropriate,

you have to let me know.

No, no, no. Never.

What happened in this office was...

incredible.

I think about it all the time.

But with Pauline back

and wanting to reconcile
with you and the family,

you know that I could not
stand in the way of that.

But my feelings are there.

And they’re real.

Thank you for that, Liza.

I appreciate it. I really do.

But in this case, I
wasn’t referring to me.

I was talking about Edward LL Moore.

[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Oh.

It hasn’t yet been announced,
but he’s decided to write

a new book in the "Crown
of Kings" series:

"The Pam Pam Chronicles," a
prequel that could launch

an entirely new and very
lucrative franchise.

- That’s wonderful.
- Yeah, yeah, could be,

but there has been an
anonymous accusation made

on a "Crown of Kings" fan site.

A woman who goes by the handle
of the Mistress of Thandor

has accused Moore of making lewd

and inappropriate comments.

- What did he supposedly say?
- Unclear.

The offensive remarks were
allegedly made in Kronish.

Edward insists he said
he would like to,

"Come to her Kraka,"

and she claims that he said,

"I would love to come in your Krashka."

- I don’t speak Kronish.
- Oh, well,

one means house, the other means mouth.

- Oh.
- [KNOCKING]

Come in.

Liza, I wanted to speak
to you before you...

- So, are we good?
- Not quite.

Wait, you realize this
anonymous accusation

is nothing but a smear
campaign from Rivington

because we stole LL Moore.

It’s like what the Russians
did to our election.

Liza, I can’t help but think

about his last book
release in Times Square.

Now, my princess, I get to eat you,

[BOORISH LAUGH]

So if there’s anything that
you would like to discuss,

now would be the time.

[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]

Do you want to say something, Liza?

Could destroy the company,
but we’ll support you.

♪ ♪

He’s a flirty old man,

but he never crossed the line, no.

You sure?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, so we announce
"The Pam Pam Chronicles"

at Comic-Con tomorrow.

All of the former Princess
Pam Pams will be there.

Edward specifically requested you.

Your support would
mean the world to him.

Wearing the fur bikini?

Princess Pam Pam is a heroine.

I mean, she’s all about
female empowerment.

I don’t hear anybody criticizing

Wonder Woman’s costume.

Actually, the bikini is from
her sl*ve girl origins.

- That’s right.
- The costume is not

- the point here.
- No.

What is important is
that going forward,

we have clear guidelines
at this company

regarding appropriate behavior.

Long overdue.

HR wants a seminar today.

Looking forward to it.

Liza.

[MELLOW MUSIC]

♪ ♪

While you were cavorting
around Ireland,

I was meticulously planning the
surprise Comic-Con launch.

There is a list on your desk

of every former Princess Pam Pam.

Edward wants them on
stage and in costume

- during the announcement.
- Got it.

Oh, and pick me up a chopped salad

so my blood sugar doesn’t
drop during that seminar.

Of course, and again, sorry for taking

a couple of days off
at such short notice.

Books never sleep, Liza.

Remember that the next time
you chase a former lover

halfway around the world.

Hey, I have a surprise
for you in my office.

Can I have a hint?

I don’t think I could
take another one today.

[GROANS QUIETLY]

- [SQUEALS]
- Pauline!

Liza! Oh, I missed you this week.

Did you see "Good Morning America"?

- I did.
- I wish you had been there.

That was your victory too.

What’s all this?

These are the first copies
of "Marriage Vacation."

[LAUGHTER]

I wanted us all to be together

when I hold my book for the first time.

Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

You know, a year ago, I
wouldn’t have trusted myself

around one of these things... [LAUGHS]

But now, thanks to both of you...

[HUMS GLEEFULLY]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, my God.

Whoa.

It’s beautiful.

Thank you both for believing in me,

for helping me bring
this dream to life.

Thank you... [LAUGHS]

Oh, just doing our job.

- Thank you so much.
- You are so welcome.

All right, will you help me

take a picture for my
Instagram account?

- Of course.
- Dopey, I realize, but...

- Ready?
- [CAMERA CLICKING SOUND]

No, no, no, no. I don’t believe this.

"Empirical"?

This is our book.

I cannot believe Charles did this.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Uh-oh.

So, why bother with an imprint

if you’re just going to steal my books?

Whoa, will you slow down?

Apparently, you’d prefer if
I just stopped altogether.

It is going to be a bigger book

as an Empirical title,

especially now that
we’re about to announce

a new "Crown of Kings" prequel.

Think she’s a little
behind on this one.

- When did that happen?
- We’re announcing tomorrow

at Comic-Con, and it is going to shine

a big spotlight on "Marriage Vacation."

Basically, your book is
getting a promotion, Peters,

published by the flagship brand.

This has zero to do with you, Zane.

Can you please clarify
hierarchy around here for Zane

’cause someone’s really chiming in

- when they shouldn’t be.
- We’re all one company here.

Stop. Stop.

You are equals.

Zane focuses on Empirical,
and obviously, Kelsey,

you are Millennial.

Yeah...

whatever that’s supposed to mean.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ Run don’t walk if you
really want it bad ♪

♪ It’s yours for the taking ♪

♪ Yours for the taking ♪

[HARMONIZING]

♪ This could be yours if
you really want it bad ♪

Liza?

Bob? Hi.

How... what are you doing here?

Well, I have a meeting nearby.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I, uh,

just really love this
chopped salad place.

Seriously?

They don’t have chopped
salad places in Brooklyn?

[LAUGHS] This is the best one.

- Ah.
- How’s Rose?

Caitlin said she got accepted
to the honors program

- for environmental studies?
- Yes.

She’s going to save the
planet, evidently.

- Oh, thank God.
- [LAUGHS]

Diana?

Diana? Diana?

Diana. That’s me.

Thank you. I never use my real name.

That’s a pro tip... [CLICKS TONGUE]

[LAUGHS] Love to Julia.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

When touching a colleague

to make a point or just to say hello,

we recommend using the
back of the hand,

or the safe hands technique.

- Like this?
- Exactly right.

The palm is too intimate.

And what is the company’s position

on dating someone you work with?

More specifically, working with someone

you used to date.

It’s acceptable as
long as the employees

are of equal rank.

Interesting.

The issue becomes more complicated

when a senior employee enters
into an intimate relationship

with someone of a lower rank.

That is completely unacceptable.

And they can’t get you
on a prior, can they?

Well, let’s throw that to our lawyer.

Thank you, Sheila.

Sorry I’m late, everyone.

What are you doing?

That’s Caitlin’s roommate’s father.

Sexual misconduct can
come in many forms.

Go.

We all know the obvious ones...

sexting, masturbating
in front of a coworker.

Everyone knows that’s just wrong.

- I’ll handle this.
- But let’s talk about

some of the less obvious offenses.

They come in many forms.

Liza?

In here.

Were you... triggered?

No, I’m fine.

Go back to the meeting. Thank you.

You know, back in the day,

we didn’t call it sexual harassment.

We just called it business as usual.

The dirty innuendos,

men always bragging about
the size of their penises.

I would just give it
right back to them,

ask them to prove it.

Very few of them called my bluff.

Maybe six... no, seven.

My point is, when I was younger,

I was valued for my appearance,

but... over time,

my experience surpassed my looks.

Rising skills, falling breasts.

Am I right?

- Okay.
- [KNOCKING]

Is everything okay?

You know this generation.

I guess she needed a safe space.

Liza, Charles wants to
know if you’re all right.

Is the seminar over?
Is the lawyer gone?

Yeah, he just left.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[WATER RUNNING]

You all right?

I...

Just very bad diarrhea.

[MELLOW MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[ENERGETIC MUSIC]

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I was about to give up on you.

Well, now you know how I feel.

Oh, come on, if you’re gonna

have a drink with me,
you gotta be nice.

No promises.

A tequila on the rocks.

Mm.

Do they give awards for the
best legs in publishing?

Did you hear anything that
lawyer had to say today?

We’re not at work, all right?

But we do need to figure out
how we’re gonna work together.

Well, I think it’s best

if we each stick to our
side of the street.

I wonder if you
understand just how much

I’m bringing to Empirical.

- [SCOFFS]
- Thanks to me,

LL Moore is writing that new trilogy

which will basically
bail the company out

of the foreseeable future.

Oh, so now I should be thanking you

for returning LL Moore to the company?

After poaching him and
nearly costing me my job?

"The Pam Pam Chronicles" was my idea.

Moore was blocked until
I pitched it to him.

And now there’s gonna be new books,

TV series, merchandising.

Wow, you are so desperate
for my approval.

Oh, give it up, Peters.

This whole thing is quite
the coup for all of us.

You know, sometimes I
get a little tired

hearing you talk about
how great you are.

Well, I don’t have to tell you.

Let me show you something.

Come on.

♪ ♪

- Where are we going?
- You’ll see.

- [SIGHS]
- Now, look up.

Wow.

Okay. Now I’m impressed.

Yeah? All right.

Pretty proud moment.

It’s a three-month buy,
and Charles loves it

because he can see it from his office.

How about dinner to celebrate?

Good night, Zane.


Hey.

That skirt isn’t safe for work.

And I can see the
outline of your wiener

in those pants.

[LAUGHS]

[MAIL ORDER BRIDES’ "BAD BAD BAD"]

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

Liza, God, everyone’s
been looking for you.

Sorry, I was in the bathroom changing.

I didn’t exactly ride the
subway looking like this.

Come on... [LAUGHS]

Once all of the princesses
have gathered on stage,

Charles will announce the new book,

at which time you

will be lowered dramatically
from the heavens,

through a sea of smoke and fire.

[LAUGHS] Fabulous.

So Wagnerian.

The fans will go wild.

As they should.

My princess, you are divine.

I certainly look forward to
working on the new series.

And I look forward to your...

wise counsel.

Liza’s had a big promotion
since you last saw her.

She’s still my assistant.

Liza, please gather all the Pam Pams.

Make sure they understand they
need to be in a V formation

when Edward descends.

Got it. Okay.

[CHAIR WHIRRING]

Zbotinik slezza booshki.

I’m so sorry, I don’t speak Kronish.

Let me tell you a secret.

When I sit down to write every morning,

I think about burying my
face in your royal fur.

[CREEPY CHUCKLE]

[COUGHS]

[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

[MELLOW MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hi, I’m Liza Miller from
Empirical Publishing.

Thank you all so much for being here.

- How are ya?
- Hi.

Before we continue here,
I, um, I just have to ask.

Has Edward ever made any
inappropriate remarks

or unwelcome advances

that has made any of you
feel uncomfortable?

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Okay.

He told me my tits were big enough

to nourish a tribe.

He said my vag*na spoke to him

in his dreams at night.

Why would he say that to me?

I work at a bookstore.

[SIGHS]

ALL: [CHANTING] We want Moore!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

And he told Nadine from Tallahassee

that if she really wanted
to stroke his ego,

- she should just stroke his...
- Okay.

I’ve heard enough.

ALL: [CHANTING CONTINUES]
We want Moore!

I gotta get out there.

♪ ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ ♪

Good afternoon.

I’m Charles Brooks from
Empirical Publishing.

[DIGNIFIED TRUMPET TUNE]

[CHEERS AND WHISTLING]

Thank you all for being here today.

[WHOOSHING]

♪ ♪

[LAUGHING]

[DEVICE WHIRRING]

What?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Unfortunately, I must share
some distressing news.

Due to recent disturbing allegations

- against Edward LL Moore...
- [CROWD GASPS]

We’re going to postpone the publication

of "The Pam Pam Chronicles"
until further notice.

What?

[CROWD OBJECTING]

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

That’s absurd.

We have a contract.

How dare you!

- [DEVICE WHIRRS]
- Get me down!

No, down, not up!

That’s ridiculous.

Charles, bring me down!

You’ll pay for this!

[CROWD BOOING]

♪ ♪

Oh, God.

[MELLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC]

♪ ♪

With multiple allegations reported,

a beloved author may be no more.

I understand.

I can’t blame them considering...

We have no comment at this time.

Netflix just cancelled the series.

Amazon just pulled his
titles from their site.

So what are we gonna do?
Push the publication date?

I don’t see how we can
publish him at all.

Rivington must’ve known about this

when they let him come
back to Empirical.

Well, let’s be honest. We all knew.

We just didn’t wanna believe

our golden goose was a horny toad.

So, what are we gonna do about that?

It’s a three-month buy.

Dear God, she’ll be
coming till Christmas.

We gotta get it down.

Wait.

I have an idea.

Just give me some time.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Liza, about what you said
yesterday in my office...

I’m so sorry. It was
a misunderstanding.

I was ridiculously jet lagged.

I appreciated your candor.

Oh?

I just saw the news.
I’m so sorry, Charles.

[SIGHS] I keep thinking
about the Christmases

he spent at our house like
some perverted Santa.

There’s a lot to process right now.

Yeah.

So, what’s the big surprise?

Oh, oops.

Look up.

[GASPS] Oh, my God.

- Yes!
- Wow.

- Wow.
- I’m sorry about LL Moore,

- but this is amazing.
- [LAUGHS]

Thank you.

So, it’s a Millennial book now?

Given the circumstances,
we’re gonna have to

pulp the first run and print again.

- [PHONE VIBRATING]
- [WHISPERS] Yes.

Excuse me.

- Yes?
- Charles.

- [EXCITED CHATTER]
- This is a witch hunt.

I’m being tried in the public square!

Edward, I’m sorry.

We are all being held accountable here.

After all our years together,
you at least owe me a meeting.

Of course. Happy to
meet with you anytime.

Your office tonight.

I think you’ll be very surprised

by what I have to tell you.

This isn’t over, my friend,

not by a long sh*t.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

This accuser is a woman I
met at a fantasy convention

who’s been trying to
shake me down for years.

This fan says I grabbed
her ass during a photo,

but my arm is actually
around her lower waist.

And this one has absolutely

zero credibility.

That’s Liza.

We did some investigation.

She represents herself as
a young woman in her s.

The fact is, she’s a divorced

-something housewife from New Jersey.

What the hell are you talking about?

Oh, you didn’t know?

Birth certificate. Marriage license.

Bankruptcy report.

The woman is a con artist.

I would never have asked her
to be Pam Pam if I’d known.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪ Take it in... ♪

So...

what do you have to say
about that, Charles?

[DARK CHUCKLE]

♪ I’m on the edge of it all ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I feel it coming ♪

♪ I feel it coming ♪
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