01x11 - Absolute Zero

[bunniefuu]

MR. WILSON: Absolute zero is the temperature at which everything freezes, the lowest temperature that is theoretically possible to achieve.

So what does that mean?

It's the temperature at which all molecules will stop moving, which means there is no energy produced.

It would be so much easier to go through life being ice.

Like, just pure and crystallized, no feeling.

Yeah, but I mean, you already seem a little icy, to be honest.

I wish.

I want to be, like, truly do not give a f*ck at all.

Like... ice queen, impenetrable.

Just be absolute zero.

We are using our tongs when handling dry ice.

Touch this stuff for more than a second, and you will get b*rned, I promise.

DAVE: Know what else is dry and cold?

Stephanie Patterson's p*ssy.

David!

David!

Do it.

♪♪ [SOFT SIZZLING]

f*ck.

♪♪

Welcome to Tuco's Tacos.

May I f*ck your mother?

- What?

- [LAUGHTER]

Um, yeah.

Can I have the combo?

Make that two.

Oh, same, same!

Can I please have the mini churro dipper shake?

And for Gre-tee-ta?

Nothing.

And stop.

What?

But also, um, my mom made everyone cookies.

- Aw, so sweet.

- Mmm!

I wish I had a mom that would make cookies.

I wish I had a mom.

[LAUGHS]

Ignore him.

He does this.

$ . . Pull up.

So what's it like having a mom?

I mean, [CHUCKLES] your mom being home.

[CHUCKLES]

Um, like, a lot of plans.

And then, like, she wants to meet all of you 'cause Ana did, but I don't know if she really wants to.

It's like, "Tell me everything about your life, but don't tell me," kind of a thing.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, I know you.

We had World History together last semester.

Yeah, I was always getting yelled at because I didn't give a f*ck.

But now I'm getting my GED and actually having a life.

Welcome to Tuco's Tacos.

May I f*ck your mother?

So?

What were you thinking?

I do not know.

Anything that can just get me money and a car and a life, like, away from my parents.

Thing is, your GPA is borderline for a work permit because of all those classes you're still skipping.

I'll do better?

My parents divorced four days after I left for college.

I was like, "Come on.

You couldn't have done this when I was in elementary so I didn't have to live in hell for my whole childhood?" And when I, uh...

When I told my mom this, uh...

I don't know... years later, she was like, "I stayed with him for you."

Oh, sh*t.

I know.

I was in therapy for, like, two years after that, and then I, you know, couldn't afford it anymore.

Well, that's probably for the best.

- Shrinks are plebes.

- Not all.

The last shrink my parents forced me to go to diagnosed bipolar after, like, two sessions, and the one before that swore I had ADD, like, halfway through our first session.

Yes, and?

Maybe there's a good one, you know, who might see something.

Or maybe it's a scam and if everybody stopped medicating, there'd be interesting people in the world.

Okay.

Okay, well, a job is a good thing, so I will sign this.

In return, you have to keep talking to me.

Okay, well, I don't really like talking very much.

MR. WILSON: At degrees Fahrenheit, water boils and converts to a gas in a process called vaporization.

DAVE: No offense, Mr. Wilson, but this class would be so much cooler if you were Walter White.

Ow!

sh*t.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

You guys know about that lady who actually felt no pain?

Like, she broke her arm and three days later, her mom noticed it flapping around.

She had no idea.

And then she went on TV, and she ate the world's hottest pepper, and she was just like, "What?

It's a nice, warm feeling in my mouth."

- [LAUGHS]

- That's crazy.

Right?

If I were her, I would straight-up let you s*ab me.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, my God.

I wish.

Wait.

You want to s*ab me?

Maybe.

[LAUGHS]

[IGNITER CLICKS]

I think our thing's broken.

[SCOFFS]

The gas has to be on.

Duh.

MR. WILSON: But since this is a thermochemistry unit, today we'll be using heat to boil water.

As you know, first thing...

♪ Reminisce on the days when you were mine ♪

So studious.

♪ You and me in the rain watching lightning strike ♪

Is this, like, a secret?

No.

I'll see you later, okay?

Hold up.

Yeah, I don't know.

Like, I've done the whole closeted girl thing before, and it's just destined for too much drama and sneaking around and, like, a million of the same conversations in a row, you know?

Come for dinner.

Thursday?

I mean, my mom says that she wants to meet everyone.

Everyone me?

Cool.

Let's do it.

♪ ...have to let the love die? ♪

♪ I won't cry, but I'll love you till the end ♪

Did you guys know Trader Joe's makes you do three rounds of interviews?

I was gonna apply, but I don't think I'm nice enough.

And I know it's part of their training of whatever to be, like, "Oh, I love these jalapeño mochi things," but somehow you're... It's so validating.

You're like, "Yeah. I will absolutely buy more of these jalapeño mochi things from you."

Anyway...

I think I'm gonna do that thing where you spin the sign on the street corner or something.

I think Ana's still friends with the Hamburger Mary's manager, if you want me to ask her.

Wait, for real?

Yeah.

Yes, that would be so amazing.

MAN: Alright, today we are gonna look at the hydration...

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ah ♪

Can I just stay with you guys?

Yeah, sure.

Just tag along and ruin our date.

I feel like your grandma wouldn't mind.

You're actually the nicest person I've ever met, so I think that you should run away right now before we poison you with how much we suck.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing right now?

I'm mad at you for making me go inside that house right now, so I'm trying to ruin your life and sweet Bo's life, 'cause I can't stand the thought of happiness for anybody else right now.

Okay, goodbye.

I love you.

Kind of.

I mean, Bo definitely.

Love you sort of, too.

Ish.

♪ Notice me at all ♪

Alright.

Are you letting me win?

No one is letting you win, Nonna.

You're ruthless and scary.

And we don't stand a chance.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Chester made these just for you, you know.

- Yeah, they're so good.

- Oh, he can cook.

Have you seen him play water polo?

No, yeah, he's great.

He hasn't been in a single car accident.

Okay, I feel like we're in the Middle Ages and this is, like, a dowry thing, and you're like, "Oh, you should marry him, and I'll throw in two dairy cows."

No, no dairy cows.

No.

Would you play your card, please?

No!

I feel like you're about to win and then gloat about it for a long time.

♪ Break it down ♪

[GASPS]

Yes.

[LAUGHS]

I love winning.

Not as much as Mom.

No, no.

She loved winning the most.

There was this, like, epic "Sorry!" game that my nonna was winning, and I was feeling really bad for my mom 'cause she had, like, no players in the safety zone, and I can, like, see she's upset, so I give her a break, and then for the next five rounds, she crushes me.

I, like, storm off to my room like a good, little queen.

And I'm crying, and...

and then...

And then she comes in, and I'm like, "I hope she is suffering!" And she's like...

And she, like, puts her hand on my back, and I'm waiting, but she doesn't say anything.

And I'm like...

I get mad all over again, and I'm screaming about how the game is called "Sorry!" so you have to say you're sorry, and she's like, "But I wanted to win, so why should I say I'm sorry" [LAUGHS]

And then she said, "And you should know the moment in life you stop apologizing for yourself is the moment you win."

♪ And sing a happy song ♪ ♪ Sing a happy song ♪ ♪ Sing a happy song ♪

See, now, he doesn't tell that story to just anyone, so...

three dairy cows.

- [CHUCKLES]

♪ Make it last forever and ever ♪ ♪ Sing a... ♪

[SKYLINE'S "BE MINE" PLAYS]

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ You are naked, I am clothed ♪ ♪ You are open and I am closed ♪ ♪ Follow me to the outside ♪ ♪ I know it's cold, but I don't mind ♪ ♪ See your body in the skyline ♪

Is this weird?

This is perfect.

♪ Be mine ♪

[BOTH LAUGH] ♪ Be mine ♪

So many buttons.

[CHUCKLES]

♪ Be mine ♪ ♪ Be mine ♪ ♪ Be mine ♪

JANELLE: Hey.

Morning.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hey, um, Riley?

Hey, Riley.

Riley.

Hey, do you ever want to, like...

like, go grab a coffee or something sometime?

Because I want us to figure this out.

Like, I really like your dad.

I mean, it's amazing you got to spend your whole life with him, and, you know, like, we're just...

We're just starting ours, and I'm just so excited to have that whole history with him, too, you know?

What?

♪ Me decido por ti ♪

So, how do you handle conflict?

RILEY: He's...

He's gonna ask me that?

Oh, you have to be prepared.

Okay.

Well, I avoid conflict until it's too late, and then it explodes.

Okay, advice...

Take in whatever question he's asking you, think about your honest answer, then say the opposite of it.

Okay.

Yes.

Good plan.

Anyway...

I haven't seen him in forever, but Manny's a sweetheart.

I mean, his husband's an assh*le who wears a vest with Disneyland pins on it, but...

why am I mentioning this to you?

[BOTH LAUGH]

This is really so nice of you.

Well, you're cool and maybe a little f*cked up and kind of subversive, which is my fantasy of who I wish I had been as a teen, but, you know.

Greta cares about you.

Yeah.

I, um...

I a-also... I care about her, too.

♪ Quieren comprarte siempre con plata ♪ ♪ Pero ese tesoro... ♪

Lunch room assistant from th grade through th grade.

Yeah.

Huh.

[LAUGHS]

I'm so so...

[LAUGHING]

I'm so...

Are you ?

Can you carry sh*t?

Yeah.

Yes.

- You're hired.

- Oh, for real?

Honey, all I need is a warm body with hands.

Ah, I say that to myself every f*cking morning, Manny.

Ooh!

Mwah, baby.

Thank you for bringing her, honey.

♪♪

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

♪♪ ♪♪

[KETTLE WHISTLING]

What?

Really?

Drinking coffee at : ?

I like it.

Please don't make a thing out of it.

What thing am I making?

Except instant coffee?!

That's what I'm upset about.

Disgusting.

I like instant.

I can't explain.

Okay.

- No, no, no.

No, no, and no.

- Wait, what are you doing?

[SIGHS]

I am making you café con leche.

Sweet and nice, just like how you used to like.

It's too sweet.

Why can't I just have what I want?

Because I want to do something nice for you, honey, okay?

Because I love you and I miss you.

I miss you, baby girl.

Oh, my God.

[LAUGHS]

Oh.

Okay, here we go.

Chop.

Small.

Oye.

I can see the look.

You think that me being gone, I can't see the looks?

Hmm?

[SIGHS]

It's just, like, why wouldn't it taste the same?

Like, what's the difference?

Because there's a right way to do it, and that's what I'm trying to teach you.

There's not a right way to chop a vegetable.

Okay, dámelo, because if I have to listen to you two argue while cutting for one more second, I'ma cut you both.

Oh, sí?

[Kn*fe CLATTERS]

I say this with love.

[LAUGHS]

[WOMAN SINGING IN SPANISH]

♪♪ Liar.

What?

Mira, look at this mince.

Greta's gonna set the table.

Miguel is at his friend's house.

Music is playing.

Everyone is happy and there's no conflict anywhere.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

- Greta!

- sh*t.

Who's that?

Uh, I'll...

I got it.

♪♪ Hi.

Hi.

Oh, um...

That's really sweet of you.

Ah, oh, no, no, no.

These are for Ana.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

Hi.

These are for you, to say thank you.

Oh!

Come in!

Ah, you were born with great skin and great manners.

- Wait, you got the job?

- Yeah!

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

I'm Riley.

It's really nice to finally meet you.

I-I have heard so much about you.

I don't even want to know.

No, no.

Only good things.

Now I know you're lying.

[LAUGHS]

We're just about to eat.

Stay.

- Oh, no, no.

- I don't want to impose.

Oh, perfect.

Okay.

Thank you.

What can I do to help?

SELA: Oh, nothing.

I could finish chopping, if you want.

Oh, no.

They have to be cut a certain way.

Would you like some water?

- Sure.

- Oh, watch out.

I dropped a glass.

Oh, here.

I'll help.

♪♪ ♪♪ [DOOR OPENS]

LUZ: Hola.

Gretita.

Oh, uh, hi.

Uh, sorry.

There's broken glass.

Uh...

um...

This is my mom and then this is my aunt...

And I'm just gonna throw this away.

Lucia.

Gracias por tenerme.

You said tonight, right, Gretita?

Uh-huh.

You invited a friend and you forgot to tell me?

- Um, maybe...

- If you guys had other people over, I'm...

I'm totally fine to leave.

No, no.

Everyone is welcome and everyone is staying.

There's always too much food, right?

Oh, I think...

I think you're bleeding.

Crap.

Um...

I'll be right back.

♪♪ I didn't know you were invited.

Uh, well [CLEARS THROAT]

I wa...

I was not invited.

I was...

I just had to drop something off.

Um, are you guys, like...

Did you tell her about anything?

No, we said we wouldn't say anything.

I don't have any plans to.

Good.

Right now.

What?

First of all, what?!

Didn't you say she was an assh*le?

Didn't she say she was an assh*le?

And what the f*ck with Riley?

Like, I told you six thousand times, where she wants to go is just, like...

not where I want to.

Fine.

But then you invite this pendejita to meet your mother?

She keeps saying she wants to be part of my life and meet all my new friends since she was gone.

Since when is la pendejita your friend?

I think you're trying to say something to your mother without saying it.

[POUNDING]

SELA: iQué chafa, Ana!

I just went food shopping.

If this chingadera dies on me right now...

[POUNDING]

Come on.

Uh, it sounds like it's maybe the evaporator fan.

I'm the heiress to Ramon's Appliance Repair.

If you have a tool kit, I can take a look.

- En serio?

- Mami!

- No, she's here for dinner.

- Shh.

It's cool.

Seriously.

Let her fix it.

I'll get the tools.

♪♪ [SIGHS]

LUZ: See, these new capacitors are kind of sketch, 'cause they cheap out on the compressors and then the coils freeze, but...

should be good now.

Really?

Wow, that's amazing.

Okay, how can I thank you?

Um, maybe a chela?

A beer?

Or not.

Well, I mean, we can have a sip of Mezcal.

Pero just a sip, okay?

You are braver b*tches than me.

SELA: Ahh!

Por favor!

I'm sorry, I said "bitch." Oh, my God!

And sorry.

I just said it again.

[LAUGHTER]

I don't know, maybe I just like playing with fire.

Riley could totally be a scientist.

Or, like, a serial k*ller.

- Ohh!

- I could see that.

SELA: Okay, let's pray for the first one.

But the second one is very powerful.

Thank you.

I think so.

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

[GASPS]

Oh!

This is a throwback.

- You remember this song?

- No, I don't.

- Yes, she does!

- No, no, no, no.

Let's just say it involved her climbing over a fence to get to this boy's house, Luis, and she scraped her knees so bad she had to get stitches.

But not before we made out on his bed to this song, yeah.

I didn't realize that I was bleeding so hard that I got him in so much trouble, because his sheets looked like, well, you know.

[LAUGHS]

But also your neck.

- She wore concealer...

- Okay, do not say that.

And a scarf for a week.

- Mama!

- What?!

No!

ANA: And Luis was the worst dancer.

He was.

Like one of those blow-up dolls outside a car dealership.

Y ay Dios, he was so serious.

Oh, and so horrible.

I just saw him when I was back, and he still dances the same way.

- No!

- Yes.

Preciosa, bailar conmigo!

GRETA: Ahh!

And your mami would try to help his dancing by pulling his arms down.

'Cause some way, somehow, he thought that I wanted him to squeeze my culo like masa.

Okay, mija, come on.

Come on.

Let's dance.

Come on.

We don't need any men.

We make our own money and we fix our own fridges, right?

IAy!

iOrale!

Esto es.

It's considered bad luck if four women are dancing and one is sitting.

- Okay.

- Come on, mija!

Come on!

Alright.

- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

- GRETA: That's not true.

That's not true.

[GLORIA TREVI'S "PELO SUELTE" PLAYS]

[GASPS]

♪ A mí me gusta andar de greña suelto ♪ ♪ Aunque se acabe de infartar mi abuela ♪

Okay, you need to stop.

You sound like a dying animal.

And I won't stop until you start, hermana.

I won't start, so stop it.

- Yes.

- No.

No.

♪ Y voy, y voy, y voy, y voy ♪ ♪ Y voy y voy ♪ ♪ Voy a traer el pelo suelto ♪ ♪ Voy hacer siempre como quiero ♪ ♪ Bah-bah-bah ♪ ♪ Voy a olvidarme de complejos ♪ ♪ A nadie voy a tener miedo ♪ ♪ Voy a traer el pelo suelto ♪ ♪ Bah-bah-bah ♪ [POUNDING]

Oh, my God.

You see?!

Oh, my God, I'm being too loud!

Get a life!

Oh, my God!

The party's over.

That's it.

That's it.

[MUSIC STOPS]

Let's pick this up.

- Come on.

- Okay.

♪♪ ♪♪

Anyone wants to go to the store to get ice cream?

♪♪ I think I'm gonna go home.

Really?

Sounds good.

Bye.

Bye.

Those putas left you?

RILEY: Oh, no, no, no.

I just need to go home.

Thank you again so much, though.

I really, really appreciate it.

I hated life when I was your age, and living at home made me hate it harder, and sometime I'll tell you the story about someone who offered me a room when I had nowhere else to go, and it kind of changed everything for me, so...

if you ever get to that place and you need that room, and it's okay with your parents...

That's very sweet of you.

Um, yeah.

I just don't...

I don't know.

I...

But sometimes you just really need that room.

Thank you.

I think...

Thank you.

For Riley?

- Yep.

♪♪ [VEHICLE DEPARTING]

I think your mom liked me.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Come here.

What are you doing?

What?

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ ♪ All these echo emotions ♪ ♪ Keep motioning back to me ♪ ♪ To me, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah, ah ♪ ♪ No escaping ♪ ♪ And these walls are caving in ♪

[WOMAN VOCALIZING]

[SOBBING]

♪♪ ♪ All these echo emotions ♪ ♪ I'm tryna find my peace ♪

MR. WILSON: So to complete our thermochemistry unit, who here has a poetic sensibility?

[COUGHING]

Riley!

Ah, Riley.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Do you accept this rose?

RILEY: No.

It was just from that "Bachelor" show.

It's not...

Just...

Great.

Dip that in the beaker.

Now pull it out and squeeze it.

[CHAII'S "NOBODY KNOW" PLAYS]

♪♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Nobody know ♪ ♪ I be like, "whoa" ♪ ♪ Nobody know ♪ ♪ Like, whoa ♪ ♪ What you looking at now?

♪ ♪ I'm back now ♪ ♪ Doing this, still doing this ♪ ♪ st century, ain't nobody mess with me ♪ ♪ Nobody give a damn ♪ ♪ Nobody give a damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn ♪ ♪ Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn ♪ ♪ Nobody know, getting me back to the floor ♪ ♪ I be looking at you like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa" ♪ ♪ Nobody know ♪ ♪ Getting me back to the floor ♪ ♪ I be looking at you like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa" ♪ ♪ What you looking at now?

♪ ♪ Looking outside now ♪ ♪ Who's out there?

♪ ♪ There ain't nothing out there ♪ ♪ Whoa, no, yeah, nobody know ♪ ♪ Getting me back to the floor ♪ ♪ I be looking at you like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa" ♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪