03x16 - What to Expect When You're Expecting the Apocalypse

Episode transcripts for the reboot TV show "Charmed". Aired February 2018 - present.*
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After the tragic death of their mother, three sisters discover they are powerful witches.
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03x16 - What to Expect When You're Expecting the Apocalypse

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Charmed...

All I ever wanted was for you to

love me like you loved Waverly.

But you didn't even try, did you?

Maggie, you still haven't
told him how you feel?

Hey, Jordan, there's something
I need to say to you.

Yeah, me, too. Being trapped

in a monster prison, it's...

MAGGIE: A lot. I know.

Think I need to bounce for a bit.

MAGGIE: You're gonna
come back though, right?


JORDAN: I hope so.

Mel, I've come from the future.

Bad things are happening in my time.

I need you to do something for me.

MEL: I think my future
self sent this baby here


to do more than just stay safe.

I think it's here to help

save us from our allergy.

ABIGAEL: You traveled here from ?

MACY: Yes. What happened?

A plague on all our houses.

Mel called it the Whispering Evil.

[SNARLING, CLICKING]

We never found Mel.

MACY: Her research
could help save the world.

Based on this board,
we have about three weeks

to stop the Whispering Evil from
devouring the entire world.



[CAR ALARM BLARING]

[ALARM STOPS]

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

Hello, sister.



You've got to be kidding me.

♪ Asphalt like a tabletop ♪

♪ Earthquake in the middle of town ♪

♪ Wrong move, man, ♪
♪ and we won't stop... ♪


- [SIGHS]
- Hey.

How goes the nesting?

How does it look like it's going?

We've only got a few days
left to find this Whispering Evil

and I'm stuck here building a crib.

Maggie and I can handle this.

And if baby comes
before the future's safe,

it's gonna need some place
to sleep, in the present.

I know. It's just,

I hate the idea of the two of you

saving the world without me.

MAGGIE: Hey, we're all doing our part.

Yours just happens to involve

stretchy waistbands and Lamaze classes.

[RHYTHMIC KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey, Jordan.

- How was your trip?
- JORDAN: Good.

Really good. I feel
like a whole new man.

Hey. Hey.

What the...

Yeah, you, uh, you missed a lot.

And, uh, we have
a-an apocalypse to stop.

So maybe we can catch you
up on the way to SafeSpace?

Apocalypse?

Like I said, a lot.

Yeah.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ And the devil moves on. ♪

So, Mel's got a time-traveling fetus,

and something called a
Whispering Evil is gonna

destroy everything
unless you all stop it?

Pretty much.

Yeah, I should have
taken a longer vacation.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

MACY: Why are all the lights off?

MAGGIE: And who
hired the creepy clown?

Macy, thank God you're here.

What happened?

Corporate stopped paying our utilities.

What?

They're trying to push us
out and sell the building.

- What are we supposed to do?
- Swan,

I'm sorry, I would love to
help, but Maggie and I have

bigger things to worry about right now.

What could possibly be bigger
than the end of SafeSpace?

JORDAN: Swan,

maybe I can help. If the
board's in breach of contract,

I can always get the legal
clinic to file an injunction.

Jordan, thank you.

You're a lifesaver.

And maybe we can find
some time to talk later?

Can't wait.

SWAN: Jordan.

Jordan's gonna help.

Swan must think I'm horrible,
but this mind virus outbreak

could happen at any minute.

I know. I just wish Harry
was here to help with all... this.

Yeah, I wouldn't count on that.

He's been acting so weird lately.

He's avoiding me,
having trouble sleeping.

Part of his mortality journey?

I guess so.

After everything he's
been through, I just...

Hope that it's worth it.

- WOMAN: Do I know you?
- JAMES: Not yet.


But the day is young.

[GASPS]



Cold. Empty.

Devoid of anything remotely
resembling humanity.

This is obviously your place.

You think you know me,
Waverly, but you don't.

- I've changed.
- You broke into my car.

Because you haven't
answered any of my calls

and I didn't know how else to find you.

Please...

I need your help stripping out
some demon powers that I...

... stole from someone.

And you think kidnapping me
is the answer to your problems.

Ironic, but fitting.

I'm sorry, but I'm desperate.

I've been in hiding from
you for a reason, Abby.

Maybe you've forgotten what happened,

but I haven't.

Whatever your
problems are, I can't help.

Of course you can.

You had this totem,
you must have the Kn*fe

that went along with it.

- The Blade of Clarity? Mother kept it.
- Fine.

- Then help me get it from her.
- Help you?

You've had a demon tailing me all week.

What are you talking about?

Oh, don't play dumb,
Little Miss Overlord.

Waverly, I'm serious. I never
sent a demon after you.

Well, then who?

It must be someone trying
to get at me through you.

Attempted coups aren't
exactly rare in my line of work.

You're being tracked.

[GROWLING]

Find something?

Maybe.

This page is faded in the future, but...

[GRUNTS]

The stain looks familiar.

I spilled coffee on this
book a few months ago.

Ah. Jackpot.

Okay, listen to this.

There's an old African myth
known as kunong'ona mabaya...

The Whispering Evil.

It was a creature without a form,

a parasite that required a human host.

And once it took one,
even the host's tribe

couldn't tell who had been possessed.

Only after possession did it have

the power to spread its infection.

So, the Whispering
Evil isn't the disease.

It must be a monster that
escaped from the tomb

in order to spread it.

And if it already took a
host, it could be inside...

- Anyone.
- ... Anyone.

[PHONE CHIMING]

What was that?

It's ready.

- Wait, is that...
- A solution of mRNA molecules

derived from Mel's fetal DNA
that should reprogram our cells

to stop them from
being allergic to magic.

Incredible.

Thanks.

- Can we take it?
- Oh, yeah.

Bottoms up, sister.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.

It could take hours, days, weeks

for our cells to respond.

Okay. That was anticlimactic.

[WOMAN SCREAMS IN DISTANCE]

What the hell was that?



Swan?

Swan?

Pulse is okay. She-She's breathing.

So are they.

[GROANING]

Jordan.

What happened?

Just clicking. Just clicking everywhere.

All around. I...

I couldn't see anything.

I couldn't stop it.

If there was clicking, that means...

The Whispering Evil.

It's here.



So, you never saw his face?

[GROANS] I just...

I just heard that awful clicking sound.

And then I was down.

What about earlier?

Did you see anything?

Anyone that was off?

Actually, yeah.

I was on my way to
the switch room to check

the circuit breakers, when I...

I realized that there was
someone already at the door,

trying to break in.

Who?

Your old nemesis.

I'm your nemesis?

No, no, you're my nemesis.

Antonio.

Antonio? You sure?

Yeah, Jordan said he saw him

trying to break into the switch room.

Said he was acting
all weird and fidgety.

Well, the book did say it
would try to take a human host.

Do you really think Antonio could be,

you know...

Only one way to find out.

Truth serum.

I have a feeling we're
gonna need a lot of it,

seeing as it could be anyone.

Harry. Thank God.

I left six messages.

I'm sorry.

I haven't been myself lately.

Uh, but I'm here now.

Do you want me to look after them?

That'd be great.

Of course.

[WHISPERS]: Anyone.



"Use Allen wrench A

"to tighten ten-inch bolts

"B, C and F."

Who's Allen

and why does he have a
wrench named after him?

[WHIMPERING]: Oh,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

[CRYING]

How did this become my life?

Stupid hormones.

If I can't even build a crib,

how the hell am I
supposed to raise a child?

[FLY BUZZING]

Will you just stop already?

[BUZZING STOPS]



What the...

[KNOCKING ON GLASS]

[BUZZING RESUMES]



Abby?

I know it's usually your thing
to come running to me for help,

but just this once, can
we hide out here for a bit?

And who is she, exactly?

Well, she...

Her sister, unfortunately.

And who are you?

Her latest girlfriend?

I am not her girlfriend.

Is that a...

Did you...

How did you... How...

What's the matter, you've never
seen a pregnant woman before?

[MEL SIGHS]



[PHONE CHIMES]

_

♪ What's your life like? ♪

♪ You're in the limelight ♪

♪ Something that gives life ♪

♪ Hoping to live right ♪

♪ Hoping we fistfight ♪

♪ But I choose this mic ♪

♪ Thinking of better times,
♪ so let me set a time ♪


♪ And meet you on this flight,
watch how we go high ♪


♪ Even with closed eyes,
a global embrace... ♪


Hey. Got us some brain fuel.

I can't believe Dr. Lawrence

expects us to evaluate
all these files by tomorrow.

As if I didn't have
enough going on already.

Yeah, it's so weird he texted
me out of the blue like that.

♪ In focus, always keep it creative ♪

♪ When we go high,
even with closed eyes ♪


♪ The people we motivate, they
showing their soul side... ♪


Mmm. Lattes are so good
here. The foam ratio is just...

♪ Just really a winner,
now they call me a dreamer... ♪


[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Hey. To Dr. Lawrence.

Uh...

♪ So what I've been saying ♪

- ♪ We got to be stronger. ♪
- Sure.



Ooh, what the hell?

[WINCES]

[EXHALES]

- Hey.
- [GASPS]

Geez. [LAUGHS]

- You scared the crap out of me.
- Sorry.

What'd you find?

I...

Looks like a giant fingernail.

Oh. Weird.

And I never even saw a thing.

Well, maybe that did.

Of course I was too busy
to set up my own log-in.

Hopefully Swan's left hers
written down somewhere.

All good. All good.

Uh, Swan gave me hers after

I had some stuff stolen from my locker.

Mm.

And we're in.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Looks like...

Some of the cameras were
shorted by the power outage.

But this one had a battery backup.

Let's see what we can find.

What, uh, what happened to your finger?

Oh.

No idea. Like I said, I was out cold.

[TYPING]

Jordan.

Are you the Whispering Evil?

Are you for real?

Covering all my bases.

[SHORT CHUCKLE]



I'm not the Whispering Evil.

I'm Jordan Horatio Chase.

Horatio?

It's a long story.

Now do you want to
see this footage or do

you want to keep giving
me the third degree?

Sorry. Go-go ahead.

[CHUCKLES]

Whoa, I think I found something.

Is that Harry?

That's the same crowbar
we found by Swan.

He's been acting so weird lately.

He's avoiding me,
having trouble sleeping.


I'm sorry. I haven't been myself lately.

JORDAN: So does that mean...

The Whispering Evil is... Harry?



- Is it you?
- I'm sorry?

Are you the Whispering Evil?

What?

- Answer the question.
- No, of course not.

Then why have you been avoiding me?

Why are your eyes all splotchy and red?

And why did you break into
the Wicca store with a crowbar?

Maybe you ought to sit down.

Just tell me what's going on.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Oh, wow. [CLEARS THROAT]

Latte has a bit of a kick to it.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Probably just the cinnamon.

Hmm.

So, what were you doing
at SafeSpace earlier?

My friend Jordan said
he saw you trying to break

into a locked room.

No, I wasn't.

You weren't at SafeSpace earlier

or you weren't trying to
break into a locked room?

I-I was at SafeSpace,
but I wasn't trying

to break into anything.

I was looking for you.

Why?

Isn't it obvious?

W-Why would Jordan say
you're being weird, then?

Because he's jealous of me.

Look, I saw Jordan.

And he gave me this look,
like "step off my territory."

- I don't believe you.
- You don't want to believe me.

Because you know that deep down,

the chemistry we have is undeniable.

A-And this thing you have with Jordan,

I mean, it's just
friendship without benefits.

Are you the Whispering Evil?

My ex seems to think so.

You know what? You look
like you could use a refill.

[EXHALES]

I didn't want to burden
you with this, but...

A few days ago, I started having dreams.

Nightmares, really.

Not from my own life...

[SIGHS]... but from his.

Who?

James Westwell.

Oh.

In the dreams I'm...

He's... he's on a street corner,

shamelessly flirting with some
woman he doesn't even know.

And I don't know why,
but I can just tell,

it's the moment right
before I... he dies.

And I somehow force myself to wake up.

You never did find out how he...

No.

That's why you've been avoiding sleep.

You don't want to see
the end of the dream.

Yeah, and why I broke
into the Wicca store

for a bag of dragon breath.

For a dreamless sleep potion.

But why the crowbar?

My orbing wasn't working.

Macy,

in the dreams,

I'm seeing pieces of his life, and he...

Feels like me.

What if

becoming mortal means...

reverting back to my old self?

An egocentric, unreliable coward.

I know what it feels like to fear

a dark part of yourself, Harry.

But it's only one part of you.

No matter what happens,
at the end of this journey,

I'll be right by your side.

[SHORT CHUCKLE]

Now, can we go find this Whispering Evil

- before something else...
- [SWAN GASPS]

Swan?

[GROANING]

Lovely home you have here.

Thank you.

ABIGAEL: So who's the lucky woman?

Your partner in the future.

Not sure. Future Mel
wasn't really a sharer.

ABIGAEL: Ah, then there's
still a chance it could be

a certain English frenemy.

WAVERLY: [CHUCKLES] Let's hope not.

For the child's sake.

Can't imagine a worse mother
than Abigael the Abhorrent.

ABIGAEL: Really?

Not even the sociopath who raised us?

WAVERLY: She did the best she could

with what she had to work with.

MEL: Hey, let's just

take a b*at and cool off.

If you think Francesca's so
wonderful, why don't you help me

get the Blade of Clarity from her?

Because the first and last time

I got between the two of
you, you set my hand on fire.

I'm sorry. If she hadn't
kept me locked away,

maybe I would have
known how to be a sister.

How could I not be
jealous of the pure witch

who always got to eat cakes

and have tea parties
with "Mummy Dearest."

She treated you exactly the
way you deserved to be treated.

Hey, that's enough. You're sisters.

She's not my sister.
She's an unhinged demon.

I'll show you unhinged.

Stop it, both of you.

Enough.

I already have one child to worry about.

I can't handle two more.

Separate rooms. Now.

MACY: No, no, no, Swan, hold on.

Hold on. You can fight this.

[GASPING SOFTLY]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

- Macy...
- Swan, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, stay with me.

The whispering...

I can hear it all around me.

No, Swan, Swan, I
need you to focus, okay?

Who did this to you? What happened?

- Swan? Swan?
- [CHOKING]

Oh, my Gosh.

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- No.

Oh, God, it's Maggie. She's in trouble.

Swan!

Swan, can you hear me?

Swan, who did this to you?

Swan...

ABIGAEL: Mel called
it the Whispering Evil.


You can't k*ll it.

It gets in your brain

and hijacks the worst part of yourself

and then that's all you are.

This is it. This is the start
of the mind virus outbreak.

And Swan is patient zero.

I mean, we were having this
romantic dance and I thought

things were going well and
then I fell asleep, I woke up,

and you were like, "I
picked Jordan." [SPUTTERS]

[ANTONIO MUTTERING]

Oh, Harry, thank God.

- Come over here.
- What's this all about?

I can't leave Swan and the
others unattended for too long.

You brought the
Siberian lotus root, right?

Now tell me why you
need a magical detox.

ANTONIO: Ooh, when
I was nine, I walked in

on my parents having sex in my bedroom.

We never talked about it afterwards,

but I think that's why I got
so obsessed with Freud.

Oh, dear God.

Well, he's definitely
not the Whispering Evil,

but I couldn't just leave him like this.

You gave him too much
truth serum, didn't you?


He started belting "Love On Top"

in front of everyone
at the library, saying

Beyoncé is the only one
who truly understands

our "sexual chemistry."

I got him out of there
as fast as I could.

You'd better hurry.

[EXHALES]

Ooh, I've been having
this ongoing erotic fantasy

about peacock feathers...

Hey. Not here for it.

Eat a few of those.
It'll make you feel better.

This is gonna work, right?

I certainly hope so.

Eat up. Come on.

Where did you come from?

Do not test me today, Abby.

I am tired, hormonal,

and I can't even help
my sisters save the world.

So tell me what's going on

or I swear to God I will
kick you both to the curb.

I need Waverly's help getting
something from our mother.

A powerful artefact known
as the Blade of Clarity.

Which is?

The only way for me to
return Macy's firepower.

Trouble is, I wasn't

the only one looking for my sister.

Apparently, she's got
a demon on her tail.

The drama never ends
with your family, does it?

[SCOFFS] You're one to talk.

[SIGHS]

Please tell me you're not gonna
put our child in that deathtrap

of a crib you're building.

[CRYING]

Oh.

Oh, God.

[CRYING]

There, there.

[BLOWS NOSE]

It's just...

I'm a fighter. [SNIFFLES]

I'm not a mother.

I slay. I don't swaddle.

I wasn't built for this,

and I can't help but
feel like I'm gonna...

I'm gonna let this baby down.

Mel, look at me.

I know bad moms.

Okay? I had one of the all-time worst.

And you... you have far
too much love in your heart

to ever be a bad mom.

You really went to all these lengths

to make amends with Macy?

Yes.

Then maybe it's time you do the same

with your own sister.

[BEEP]

I need to cast barrier
spells at every exit,

lock the place down
before anyone gets out.

You doing okay? You've
fought so many monsters.

Why does this one have you so rattled?

[SIGHS]

[EERIE VOCAL CLICKING]

Let's just say we need

to keep this virus
contained at all costs.

Luckily, the three of them
seem to be the only ones infected.

[PANTING]

Damn it. Um,

let's hope there's
another flashlight in here.

Oh. Great.

- [VOCAL CLICKING]
- Jordan, get down!

[GROWLING]

He's gonna be okay, right?

Well, the lotus root will give
him a nasty hangover tomorrow,

but luckily, it'll keep him
from remembering any of this.

Good.

I'll, uh... I'll get him home
and then I'll

- come find you at SafeSpace.
- Maggie,

why did you give him
so much truth serum?

[SHORT CHUCKLE]

It seemed like he was lying,

but maybe I just didn't
like what he had to say.

- Ah.
- I don't want someone

who makes me feel
frustrated all the time,

even if there is a little
bit of chemistry. I...

I want someone who makes me feel safe.

Then when this is over, it sounds like

you and Mr. Chase need to
have a truthful conversation.

[GUTTURAL CLICKING]

Why did I let the weed
store hire a clown?

[GROWLS]

Not today.

So, uh,

the Whispering Evil was... a clown?

No.

Just another victim.

He looks worse than Swan.

Oh, God.

What?

That means it's only a matter of time

before she ends up like this.

She's not in the attic or the bedrooms.

Or anywhere down here.

- Damn it.
- What is it?

The demon tracker.

She reactivated it.

So whoever's after her...

Is on his way here.

We need to put a protection
spell on the house. Now.

Where the hell is she?

[GRUNTS]

Where is Waverly Jameson?

If you don't tell me, I'll...

[GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

Did you just...

Freeze time?

My old powers.

They're back.

[PANTING]

Holy hell.

Who are you people?

We ask the questions, not you.

Why are you hunting my sister?

I'm not.

I was paid good money
to find her daughter.

Who hired you?

Francesca Jameson.

Her mother.

That's all I needed to know.

[GROANS]

[VOCAL CLICKING]

Jordan, run.

Don't let them scratch you!

Swan, I know you're still in there.

You don't have to do this.

Harry.

What did you do to Harry?

[GRUNTING]

[SOFTLY]: Ah.

[SAW BUZZING]

Ladies, looking radiant as ever.

Oh, mate, uh, I swear I'll have
that money for you soon. Yeah.

End of the week, maybe next.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Aren't you a sight for sore eyes.

I'm sorry.

Do I know you?

Not yet, but the day is young.

Sir,

I'm a married woman.

Well, nobody's perfect.

[CHUCKLES]

Molly!

[CAR APPROACHING]

[HONKING]

[GASPS]

[SIGHS]

[GROANS]

Ah.

I saved her.

Even then, I saved a child.

MACY: Swan? Swan.

Macy.

[GRUNTING]

Please.

Swan, I need you to fight this.

You,

this community... you are what makes

the world worth saving.

[ROARS]

Thanks. Was that...

My dreamless sleep powder, which

I won't be needing anymore.

Happy to hear it.

[CLICKING]

It's... Jordan.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for it to
come to that. I just...

I needed to find out if

my suspicions were correct.

Why would your mother

come after her own granddaughter?

Her powers. Eternal beauty.

Mother had been so enamored
by them when Lydia was first born.

But I never thought
she'd do anything like this.

Until I found out you
didn't send the demon.

Then I knew.

I swear...

One mother to the next...

I wasn't going to let
anything happen to your baby.

Why didn't you just tell me the truth?

I didn't know if I could trust you.

For years,

your mother pitted
you against each other.

But here's the thing

about old narratives:

they can be rewritten.

Abby, that blade.

I'll help you get it from her.

Just as soon as Mel
finishes that valerian tea.

It's an old trick to help
with those wonky powers.

So, this is normal?

Most pregnant witches experience it.

There's so much magic
swirling around in there,

it starts coming out sideways.

Does that mean my
baby will be a Time Witch?

It could.

Or it could just be your old powers

reawakening because of all the hormones.

Only time will tell.

What's wrong?

When that demon att*cked,

I should have backed down.

What kind of mother puts
her baby in harm's way?

Mel, you fought to save us,

all while keeping your baby safe.

Being a fighter is exactly

what'll make you a fantastic mom.

Thanks.

MAGGIE: Jordan. Hey.

Are you okay?

Never better.

Jordan, there's so much I've
been wanting to say to you.

But...

I feel like the timing's
always been off, but...

I don't know, maybe it's finally right.

[MAGICAL CHIME]

[VOCAL CLICKING]

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

It's been you

this whole time.

Took you long enough.

Whatever you are, you
need to back the hell up now.

Cute trick.

But I'm an ancient creature.

Your magic means nothing to me.

Maggie, get back. He might be infected.

No. He's the one doing the infecting.

Just had to keep you distracted
long enough for my soldiers

to reach their full potential.

I gave you truth serum.

Truth, lies. Human constructs

that don't apply to someone

of my... [CLICKING]... stature.

Why are you doing this? Why use Jordan?

I spent , years

locked away in that...

Prison.

All because the Perfecti deemed me

too chaotic for this world.

But then, along

came the honorable Mr. Chase.

The first human ever
put inside the Tomb.

You didn't escape
the Tomb to find a host.

You found one in the Tomb.

[CLICKING]

Powers don't work on him.

Fall back. Now!

Back up.

Uh, a containment field might hold them,

but the powder's downstairs.

I've seen you create one
without it when you're all together.

Without Mel, we'd
need to at least touch.

Wait. I held Jordan's hand.

HARRY: Happy for you, Maggie, really,

- but maybe now is not the time.
- MAGGIE: No.

No. If he's possessed, he's magical.

Which means the allergy cure...

It worked.

BOTH: Alligatum est!

Is this how it begins...

The end of the world?

Well, as long as we keep them contained,

they can't infect anyone else.

But he can.

We have to find Jordan and stop him.

Whatever it takes.

♪ Tonight we're walking on ♪

♪ Fire ♪

♪ Walking on fire... ♪

♪ Walking on fire, walking on fire. ♪
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