05x04 - Lies and Byes

[bunniefuu]

 Previously on The Secret
Life of the American Teenager...

We heard the good news! You got married!

Hey, how are you? I heard
you were in the hospital.

If you had cared how I am,

you would have called me to tell
me that you got married yourself.

This year, I'm asking
each of the seniors

to mentor a freshman
coming into the school.

That's a great idea.

Kathy!

Hey!

I don't mind talking to you,

but I don't want to be like you.

There's something else
I need to tell you.

I'm gay.

You have a thing for
young girls, don't you?

Look, pal, you just
stepped over the line.

I love you!

I've always loved you!

Pappas is our Tebow!

So why should we stay here
if we could be in Italy?

I can't follow you all over the world.

Does your dad know you decided
to go to this cooking school?

What do you think I should do?

I told you, you are on your own.

Does that include all trouble?

You really want to do this?
Let this idiot marry us?

Not really. Thanks!

We changed our mind! Oh, wait.

But wait! I love you.

I love you, too.

What are you talking about?
We can't say we're not married.

We already said we are.

You're kidding me, right?
We can't keep this up.

Just look at the damage
done in less than a week.

We have to stop lying
before this gets any worse.

Don't exaggerate. This is not some kind
of crisis, we're just telling one lie.

Uh, what? It's not one lie. It's a lie
that's leading to another one and another one

and another one, because
it's such a big lie!

Whoa. What are you yelling at me for?

You're as much to
blame for this as I am.

No, I'm not! You're the one who
blurted out, "Oh, we're married!"

Yeah? Well, if you didn't like it, you
should have blurted out, "No, we're not!"

Seven, eight, nine, 10.

Look, Amy, I think we have to get our parents
together tonight when my dad gets home,

all of them, and we have
to tell them the truth.

I can't live like this.
We can't live like this.

Yes, we can. We have to!

We'll just do what my parents
did. We'll say we got married

when we didn't, and then we'll
get married and not say we did.

No, I don't want to do
what your parents did.

I don't want to live a
lie for God knows how long.

It's not even really a lie
when you think about it.

It's just delaying telling the truth.

And I had to lie! My
dad was so proud of us!

So proud of me. He loves me.

He'll still love you if you tell
him we didn't go through with it.

We can elope any time you want.

Run off a second time?

After seeing how everyone feels
about our running off the first time?

Yes. Really, Amy?

Yes! Really! We'll get married and
they don't need to know when or where.

No, because they think we're
married now, and we're not!

And until then, we can't just keep lying.
We're getting into this deeper and deeper.

Calm down, all right?
Don't tell me to calm down.

I hate that. "Calm down. " It's not a
good thing to say to me when I'm not calm.

It makes me more not calm.

I'm sorry, but I can't really talk
about this anymore. I have to go.

John!

This conversation isn't over. We haven't
decided what we're going to do yet.

I have. John! Come
on, sweetie. Let's go.

You have to get to the nursery
and Mommy has to get to school.

Okay?

What?

Amy, think about it. We can't do
this. We can't do this to John.

There are a lot of bad
consequences to lying

and teaching our son that it's
okay to lie could be one of them.

Telling the truth can have bad
consequences, too, you know.

Come on, let's just get everything
out in the open and deal with it.

We can just apologize
for lying and just...

Just do what? Go back
to not being married?

I like being married,
being pretend married.

I don't. Okay, but you like me, right?

I like you.

So, just pretend to be married for
right now and then you can decide

where and when we get married next time.

See you later, husband.

See you later, pretend wife.

Ashley? What, are you
hiding or something?


No!

♪ Falling in love is
such an easy thing to do

♪ Birds can do it We can do it

♪ Let's stop talking Let's get to it

♪ Let's fall in love ♪

I got a "dear Dad" letter!
A "dear Dad" letter!

Yeah, I heard you the first time.

So, she left? For Italy?

Like you didn't know? I didn't know!

I texted her and she
didn't text me back.

Oh, really, Anne? Ashley has
enough money to get to Italy,

to live in Italy without anyone's help?

She has a credit card, but I don't think
that it's enough to get her to Italy.

It has a $200 limit.

Then how did she get to Italy! Toby?

Toby, of course, Toby. The two of them
ran off together to have sex in Italy!

If she calls either one of us, we're going
to tell her to get her butt back home!

I don't like the way that she left,
but maybe it's not the worst thing,

at least she's interested in something.
Maybe she'll become a great chef.

She's not interested in cooking.

She's not interested in anything

but getting away from her family

and I think she should be here right now

and I want her home and
I'm going to go get her.

Wait! Open the card that she
addressed to me and read it to me.

Maybe she told me something
she didn't tell you.

She used to tell me
everything, you know,

before you made her love
you more than she loves me.

Well, now she loves Toby more
than she loves either of us,

so open the card and read it to me.

Oh, and by the way, you're responsible
for her getting this bad case of wanderlust

at her young age, letting her drive
cross-country and flying all over Europe with her.

You're the one who took her riding around
in that house on wheels after we split up.

Remember that summer?

That's when she got excited about
getting out and seeing the world.

Like it's a bad thing, seeing
the world. Just open the damn card!

"Dear Mom. " Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, ha!

Same thing as mine! She
hates goodbyes, wish her well.

Yadda, yadda, yadda. You
know what? I'm going to Italy.

I'm going to Italy. I'm gonna
find her. I'm gonna bring her home

and I'm gonna leave that idiot of a boyfriend
of hers over there to fend for himself.

Toby. That teenage
philanderer. I ought to...

I'm here, sir.

I'll call you back.

She's gone. Our Ashley is gone.

She's not "our Ashley. " She's my Ashley
and how the hell did she get the money

to go to Italy on her own?

I don't know. I figured Anne.

It wasn't Anne. Oh.
Well, then, I don't know.

What does your note say?

A lot of stuff, seven pages of stuff.

Let me see it. I can't do that.

And why not? Uh, it's personal.

It talks about, you
know, intimate things.

Oh, geez. She said she
figured I would hate her now.

If I hated her, I wouldn't miss her

and I should hate her.

But I don't.

Oh, God, what am I gonna do
without her? Without Ashley?

What are you doing?

Uh...

I'm letting all the
blood rush to my brain.

I'm hoping it'll help me think more
clearly or that I'll just pass out

and not have to think at all.

Are you on dr*gs or are you
just acting stupid? Get up.

I'm not on dr*gs.

And I did actually think
that that would help me focus.

All right, well, you gotta
do what you gotta do. Meaning?

Meaning as long as you're not doing
something crazy because you're on dr*gs

or drinking or any of that stuff,
then I'm not going to concern myself.

If you need to lie down or
stand on your head or do a jig

to get some focus, go at it.

Did you come in here to tell me that?

No, I came in here to tell you that I was
going out to dinner with Camille tonight

and the conversation took a left
turn when I saw you upside down.

Oh. Okay. Okay.

Did you wanna ask if I
wanted to go with you two?

Do you want to go with the two of us?

I don't know. What time are you going?

What the hell difference does
it make what time we're going?

If you want to go with us, you're welcome
to go with us. If you don't want to go,

you're welcome to get food on your own.

You're a big boy now. You can get
your own dinner if you want to.

Or do you need me to stay here and
make you dinner and feed it to you?

Here comes the plane!

It's your life, Ben. You gotta
man up and get it together.

I told you I wasn't gonna
help you out if you got

into trouble with
this girl, and I'm not.

There's nothing to do.
Dylan's father wants

to just sit back and
wait and see what happens.

And what do you want? What's
to your advantage here?

To sit back and wait or to tell
someone in authority what she did?

It's not what she did. It's
what we did, what I did.

No. What she did. Have
a nice day at school.

Mom, I'm at school. I just got here.

I can't talk. I'll call
you back, all right?

No, not all right. Do you know
that Ashley left for Italy?

No. I knew she was going,
or she said she was going

or she wanted to go or something.

So, you didn't give her the money?

No. Mom, where would I get the money
to give to Ashley to go to Italy?

Don't be
ridiculous. I have to go.

Do not hang up.

I thought maybe you got some money
for your wedding or something.

Like I would give my wedding money
to Ashley to go to Italy? Please.

Hold on. I have another call.

Mom! I'm at school. My classes are
gonna start any minute. I can't hold.

It's Madison and Lauren.
I'll call you back.

Well, we were thinking we'd have a big
party and invite all of Amy's family

and Ricky's family and Amy's
friends and Ricky's friends.

None of the girls that he slept
with, though, nothing like that.

So, you and Lauren want to
give Amy a wedding reception?

Not a wedding reception, really.

Kind of. It's kind of
a wedding reception.

No. I really appreciate the gesture.

It's really very kind of you,
but if anyone is going to have

a wedding reception for my daughter, I
think it should be her mother and her father.

Well, her mother or father haven't said
anything about doing anything, so I just...

I have to go.

No. No wedding reception.

We ran off and got married because I
don't want a wedding or a wedding reception

or a party or a get-together or
a luau or anything else like that.

We eloped so no one has to do anything.

But we want to do something. You're
our best friend. You got married.

We want to celebrate with you. We want
to buy you gifts and take pictures and...

It's Ricky, isn't it? Ricky doesn't
want anything. That's not fair, Amy.

That's not fair to you.

No. It's not because of Ricky. Ricky would
be fine with it. I'm not fine with it.

And I'll tell you what's not fair.

It's not fair to me that you two went
around me to my mother to do this.

Around you? That's not what we
were doing, going around you.

Yeah, you told us she was upset that
she didn't get to go to the wedding,

so, naturally, we thought
we should call her first.

Because she always feels left
out and now that she's gay,

we don't want her to think we're
h*m* or anything because we're not.

It's not a good day to bother my mother
with this. She and my dad just found out

that Ashley ran away to Italy.

What!

Amy, I'd like to have a
wedding reception for you

and I don't want you to say no.

Okay, well, a wedding reception
would be for both Ricky and me

and Ricky just doesn't want to do that

and he's my husband, so
I can't let you do that.

You or Dad. Or anyone else.

But I thought you said...

Shh! Look, Mom, you've got enough
to worry about with Ashley today.

Ricky and I are fine. We're
just fine. Without a wedding.

Another wedding.

Ready! Ready, hut!

Pappas. Get over here.

Take five.

I'm sorry. I have no idea
what she's doing here.

It's all right. I
understand these things.

You do? You understand my old
girlfriend showing up at practice?

Coach Watkins is
gonna kick me off the team.

No, he's not. Now get over
there and make it fast.

Hi!

Grace, I told you I
don't want to talk to you.

Well, that's besides the point
because I really want to talk to you.

This is a really nice football
field, it's, like, so pretty!

I'm at football practice.
This isn't high school!

I can't just take time
out to talk to you.

No matter how pretty it is here.

Obviously you can.

What are you doing?

Don't be waving to my
coaches, Grace. Are you nuts?

I'm nuts about our lord, Jesus.

Oh, no. You came over
here to witness to me?

I just feel like a new person
since going back to my old religion.

Which, by the way,
is also your religion.

I just hope that we can share
that religion together again.

I'd like us to share something together
again, which is why I am not interested

in renewing my faith in a religion that
doesn't condone sex in casual relationships.

So, you're still sinning
with Raven? Kind of.

Oh, no. Let me guess. You've settled
once again for oral sex and other things

when what you really want is a real
relationship with a woman that you love

and that loves you.

I gotta go.

So, I was talking to
Coach Watkins... What!

And he doesn't have any objections
to you being a little more

public about being a Christian.

I am not a Christian.

I don't claim to be a Christian.

I don't wanna be a Christian or a Muslim
or a Buddhist or a Republican or a Democrat.

And I can't pretend to
be something I'm not.

Isn't that exactly
what you're doing? What?

You're pretending not to be a
Christian when I know that you are.

No, I'm not. I gotta go.

Well, thank you for talking to me.

I didn't want to talk to you.

And don't ever show up at this
practice field again, Grace.

Coach Watkins says I'm
welcome here any time.

Have a blessed practice!

She's a Christian?

I'm not sure. I don't know what the
requirements are, but she says she is.

It's a good angle. Christian
quarterback still in love

with his high school virgin girlfriend.

Mmm-mmm.

Press doesn't have to know that.

Adrian! This is so cool! Look
at you! You're in college.

Not really, not for a couple more
days. I'm just in the college bookstore.

I'll see you around, okay, Grace?

Okay, I totally deserve this.

Look, I'm really sorry about how
I acted the last time I saw you.

Shh. Do not say anything about anything.

This is my new school.
This is my new life.

Speaking of new life... Don't
say anything about that, either.

About you and your new life.

I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to believe it.

You're like the boy that
cried wolf too many times.

You're right, you're absolutely right.

But, you know, eventually there was a wolf,
a real wolf. Just like there is a real...

No, no, no, no. Don't want to hear it.

I don't blame you for not believing me.

I haven't exactly been a good
shepherd the past few years.

Or is it sheep? Good sheep? Can
sheep be both plural and singular?

I haven't been a good
leader or a good follower,

a good shepherd or a good sheep?

Neither. You've been more
like a good fisher of men.

I can't believe you
even know the reference!

Yeah, look, I just came to pick up a book
I ordered and then I'm getting out of here,

so good luck to you and have a good
senior year and we'll see you. Or not.

Well, I'm really happy that I
ran into you. I really missed you.

And I really wanted to apologize,
so thanks for letting me do that.

And I don't know if you're interested

but if you want to come
to church with me any time,

I'd love to take you.

Not interested.

I understand. But maybe
some time in the future.

No. Okay, well, just let me
know if you change your mind.

I won't change my mind.

Look, Adrian,
I just think that maybe

the school board would look more favorably
on Omar if you're both churchgoers,

you know?

Okay, I hope I'm not going to be hitting
myself in the head later for asking you this,

but what the hell are you talking about?

The investigation.

What investigation?

The investigation into whether
or not Omar is a pervert.

Omar is having the school board
investigate the whole thing to try

to clear his name. But that may prove
to be more difficult than he thinks.

Because?

Because first he dated you, and then
he came to our school where there are

many more high school girls.

Omar is not a pervert.
That's ridiculous.

And I don't believe anyone on the
school board is going to believe that.

I know, but that's the
power of suggestion.

Ben suggested that Omar
is a pervert and now

people at school are talking
about it like it's a possibility.

But I'm sure the lord will
see Omar through his travails.

You know what? I hate the lingo. Okay?
The travails, the lords, the sheep, the...

Fish? Can't help it. I'm
just filled with the spirit.

Yeah. You're filled with something.

Have a blessed afternoon
in the bookstore, Adrian.

Go ahead.

Hi, Adrian, could I call you back?

You know Omar is having the school
investigate your calling him a pervert?

I have to call you back.
I'm actually... In a meeting.

A meeting with who?
Let me call you back.

Oh, yeah. Let's talk about
your calling Omar a pervert.

Look, it's nothing.
Nothing legal, anyway.

Not like this fire situation.

Uh, it could be legal.

And it could be worse than this
fire situation. Is Omar a pervert?

Do you have reason to
believe he's a pervert?

No. Not really. And that's not
what I came here to talk about.

I realize that, but, Ben,

if you're going around calling teachers
perverts, you better have a reason.

And if you do have a reason, I want to know,
because, one, he's a danger to the school

and, two, he says he's
in love with Adrian.

Well, there's no evidence
that he's a pervert.

Is it your gut feeling he's a pervert?

No, look. I pretty much just falsely
accused him of being a pervert and now

there's some school board
investigation or something.

Yeah. And if they conclude that you made
up some lie that harms Omar's reputation,

there might be a civil case against
you to go along with the criminal case.

I know that. Look.

I just went into that school
with Dylan to get a tour

of the school and we ended
up in the science lab and...

Stop! Just stop right there.

I advise you to get an attorney.

Really? Before you confess to a crime,

well, yeah, you're gonna
need to get an attorney.

Are you about to confess to a crime?

Does your father know you're doing this?

No. He told me to handle it on my own.

Look, Ben, the reason I wanted to talk
to you the other day was that I thought

you knew something you weren't saying,
like maybe your girlfriend did something

that you would never do, maybe you were
covering up for something that you might

want to tell me about.

Does that mean there's a
criminal investigation going on?

Dylan's father said there wasn't.

But, of course, I guess you wouldn't
necessarily tell either one of us

if there was or if we're... Oh,
God, are we suspects? Arson suspects?

You're not going to
faint again, are you?

I hope not. Okay.

Look, let's get your dad to
come in. He should be here.

No. I don't want my dad to come in.

Look. He told me to handle it on
my own and I'm going to handle it.

I don't think I started any fire
at that school, but I was there.

And we lit a Bunsen
burner... Oh, geez, Ben!

Carol?

Yes, sir? Could you get me
Detective Shanahan, please?

Right away. What?

I'm going out with Jack for her.
I'm trying to get information.

And I'm not getting it
by having sex with him.

We're just fooling around.

There are better ways
to get information.

We can just get Wendy to ask her
dad if he knows anything about

the school burning down. No, we can't!

We can't ask him! He's a cop.

Which is why he would know something.

Oh, no. Is that where Wendy is?

Is she talking to her dad?

I don't know. She might be.

Great. What if he jumps to the
conclusion that all of us are involved?

Why all of us and not Wendy?

Because he doesn't think that Wendy
could be involved with anything illegal.

Why not? Why not?

Because she hasn't had sex.

So, he totally trusts her.

I've got that same thing going on here.

What does not having sex have
to do with not starting a fire?

It makes Wendy and me more trustworthy. We
don't have sex so we don't do anything wrong.

Except maybe burn a
school down here and there.

No, I didn't! I did not
burn the school down.

Who lit the Bunsen
burner? The Bunsen burner?

Who lit it? You lit it?

Oh, no.

Who lit the Bunsen burner?

Don't answer that. I don't remember.

I'm your attorney.
I'm here to advise you.

And I advise you to not answer any
questions at this time, Mr. Boykewich.

But I really don't remember.
How can that hurt me?

You might remember later.

And...

And it'll look as if you
lied about not remembering.

Don't answer any more questions, please.

Let me ask you something.
Is this your first case?

What difference does that make?

I don't remember who
lit the Bunsen burner.

I thought I might find you here.

I work here.

Yeah. I brought you some tacos,

thought you might like a little snack.

Thanks for coming by,
but don't shut that door.

Why did you tell the school board

to investigate whether
or not you're a pervert?

I had to, but we can't talk about it.

The investigation could
end up going the other way.

It's the power of suggestion.

Ben said you were a pervert and now

people might actually
think that for no reason.

As much as I'd like to continue
this conversation, I really can't.

I've been told not to talk
about this with anyone.

And I have a feeling the school board
might want to ask you a few questions.

I'm not a student here. They
can't ask me any questions.

Adrian, I don't know how that works.

Maybe they can, maybe they can't.

But if they do, just
tell them the truth.

Okay, well, the truth is everyone lies.

So, if they ask me anything, I'm going
to tell them we're both Christians

and that we were attracted to each
other because we are both sheep.

And the lord has seen
us through many travails.

Who are you, my mother?

Do not pretend to be
something you're not.

Not for me, anyway. I love
you just the way you are.

And we haven't done anything wrong.

And I haven't done anything wrong.

That might not matter.

Oh, look who's here.

Bye, Adrian.

You see how that's done?
You talk, then you walk.

Bye, Adrian.

You walk. You're not getting
the walk portion of this lecture.

Walk with me. Uh...

That's how it's done.

And keep walking. You were told not
to discuss this matter with anyone.

I know.

And keep walking.

Bunny said to tell you to cook this
cut longer and slower if you have

the time, like 325 for three hours.

Perfect. Thanks.

Hi, Son-in-law.
Hi, Mom.

I guess you got three moms now.

I'm a lucky guy, I think.
What are you doing here?

I was driving down to talk
to George about Ashley.

Ashley took off for Italy
without telling anyone.

Oh, yeah, Amy texted me. We
didn't give her any money.

Ashley's pretty resourceful and she's
smart, so I guess she'll be okay.

Still, she is only 17, and I
feel really guilty for suggesting

that she might like that school.

Anyway, I guess that
Ashley's just being Ashley.

I guess she's on her own
whether we like it or not.

Just like you and Amy are on your own,

but I want you to know that I would very
much like to be a part of your life together.

Okay, well, thanks for dropping by.

Wait, I'd like to talk to you.

Can you take five minutes?

Uh, Bunny really hates
it when we have visitors.

Okay, then I'll buy something.
Give me three steaks.

I'll take some steaks over to the
house for your mom and for George.

We'll have steak tonight.

Oh, no, you don't have to buy anything.

No, it's fine, I don't want
you to get into trouble.

I'll bring over some
steaks to you after work.

No. I don't want you to do that.

I wanna just pay for the steaks and take
them out of here like any other customer.

So, give me three steaks and I
want you and Amy to have a wedding.

How 'bout just the steaks?

Ricky, I know it's not
important to you right now

but it is important to have some kind
of celebration with friends and family.

Maybe for other couples, but
it's just not important to us.

Not important to the two of
you or not important to you?

My mom is dying. Her
Alzheimer's is getting worse

and I want her there at your wedding.

It'll make up for her
not being at my wedding.

And I know that sounds selfish, and
it is selfish, but please, Ricky,

I don't want Amy to regret my not
being at her wedding like I'm regretting

my mother not being at my wedding.

But, I hate to point
this out, you're divorced.

I don't care. I still wish
my mother was at my wedding.

But you're gay. Does the
wedding even matter now?

That's not the point. The
point is not to have regrets.

So, please, Ricky. Let me
just throw you a wedding,

or a wedding reception or
a party or something else.

Sooner or later, someone is going
to do it and I want it to be me.

I want to be a part of your lives.
I wanna be a part of Amy's life.

I don't know what to say.

Then say yes.

Look. I can't speak for Amy, I can't, but
whatever Amy says, I'll go along with her.

No, whatever you say, Amy
will go along with you.

How about we just have a little,
small wedding in the backyard?

All you have to do is show
up. You have to ask Amy.

You eloped when George
asked you to elope,

so you already had the
wedding he asked you to have,

so now I'm asking you to have the
wedding that I want you to have.

What's the big deal?
You're already married.

What's the harm in celebrating?

Oh, man.

I know this is a terrible thing to do
to you but I'm only asking you because

I really want you to do it.

And I think that it's
something that Amy wants, too.

I'm not so sure about that.

Amy told me, Ricky.

She told me that you don't want to
have a wedding but that she does.

I thought that maybe she didn't.

That she ran off because she
didn't wanna have a wedding

or she didn't want me at
her wedding if she had one.

But, apparently that's not true and
I feel guilty for even thinking that.

So, come on, let her have a wedding.

It's not a matter of me letting her.

Wait. Amy said I don't want a wedding?

She said she wants a
wedding, but I don't?

That's what she said this morning.

All right, then.

All right? Yeah. Whatever you want.

Whatever you and Amy want. And do
it up as big as you want. Go all out.

Well, I don't know
how big Amy would want.

I don't know either. But
the sooner, the better.

Well, if it's going to be a big
wedding, it's gonna take some time.

How about we go back
to that July fourth date

that you set in the first place?

That's almost a year from now.

It'll give me time to find
a date for the wedding.

I'm sure you'll be dating soon enough.

I hope so. Thank you Ricky.
Amy is going to be so happy!

I'm so glad you let
me talk you into this!

Yeah. You talked me into this.

And when Amy asks how this
happened, remember that.

You talked me into this.
Don't forget your steaks.

I got what I wanted. Bye. I love you.

Oh. Love you, too. And
please, take the steaks.

You know, arson cases
are really hard to prove.

Unless someone confesses!

I didn't confess.

Yeah, you kind of did.

Fine. I just want to get it over with.

This is just starting.

This is gonna go on
for months and months.

The arson investigation might
have come to a close this week

if you hadn't confessed!

Yeah, but I'd still
be worrying day to day

whether I had done the right thing.

I can use that.

That's the first thing that you've
said that I could possibly use.

Hey, Dad, what are you
doing out here? Hey.

Oh! I brought you something. Dinner.

Uh, this is not a good time.
Thanks and I'll see you later.

Uh, from Poppy's Tacos. Oh,
come on, have dinner with me.

Adrian, this is really sweet of you
but you should have called first.

I'm right in the middle of something.

Oh, geez. You know about Ben and
the fire? Is that what this is about?

Um...

I had to excuse myself
from the case, of course.

He confessed. He came in and
confessed to burning the school down.

I was pretty sure he'd rat
out the girlfriend, but no.

The school. Yeah. The
girlfriend's school, right?

Right.

Uh...

Yeah, I didn't know.

What do you mean you didn't know?

Why'd you bring me
dinner if you didn't know?

I thought you might be able
to stop the school board

from continuing this
investigation with Omar.

I don't want him to
get pegged as a perv.

Well, I can't do anything about that.

That's not a criminal case. It's
just a school board investigation.

Right now, anyway. But you're
right, it could backfire.

But if it doesn't, I wouldn't be
surprised if it turns into a civil case.

Especially since Ben comes
from the money he comes from.

Wait a minute. Do you think there's any
possibility my condo could be taken away?

I doubt it. But, Adrian,
you can always live with us.

I'm done here. That kid's an idiot.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is this the girlfriend?

Ex-wife.

Oh. Your... Daughter.

Sorry.

Wow. Ben? Ben b*rned down the school?

I b*rned...

What are you doing here? Well.

I came down here to try to save Omar

but you need divine intervention
just as much as he does.

How would you feel
about going to church?

Geez, it was just an idea.

No?

I remember how much fun we
used to have cooking together.

Do you remember what
we did after dinner?

Not after. That was before.

Oh, that's right. And a
couple of times, during.

It's like seeing a jack-in-the-box
in the window, isn't it?

Is she waiting for us to
tell her to come in or what?

It's still her house. Ooh, she's mad.

Aren't you going to invite me in?

Hi, Anne. Not you. You don't live here.

Does she?

No. And neither do you. But
come on in, it's your house.

I didn't know you were
coming, but it is your house.

Did you hear from Ashley? Did you?

I asked you first.

I'll just be in the
living room or somewhere.

Oh, no, stay here. This is what
life with George will be like.

Not like this. Not like
flowers and candles and dancing.

Did you want to dance with her?

No, I did not. I wanted to come and
have dinner with you and Nora to talk

about Amy's and Ricky's
wedding, which I'm planning.

Not to say I won't be including the
rest of you in the decision making.

That's over, done,
already taken care of.

I planned the wedding
and the wedding is over.

They want to have another
wedding, a real wedding.

No they don't. You do, so you can
get over Mimsy not coming to ours.

Okay, we can talk about this some
other time. I have to get home.

And by the way, Ashley did call me.

No, she didn't. If she had, you'd
know where she got the money,

and if you knew where she got
the money, you wouldn't be here.

You'd be over at Mimsy's or wherever her
husband Eugene is. If he's still around.

He's still around.
George, just tell her.

I don't need your help.

Ow! Ow! Okay! Okay, it was your mother.

Apparently, Eugene missed
one of her accounts.

She sent sugarplum 10 grand.

What! That's right. So I
guess we'll be seeing Ashley

in what, a couple of years?

How did this happen? I'll
tell you how it happened.

Even with her brain not working,
she's smarter than all of us.

Ten grand?

Okay, I have to
go. I have to get home.

Good night. Good night, Kathleen.

And I'm sorry about before. Of course,
you're welcome to come to the wedding.

Even if you come with him. Hmm.

Of course you'll come with
him. Wedding's over. No wedding.

Either way, I really
appreciate the invitation.

And don't go like this. Why don't
you stay and have dinner with us.

No!

Well, I did bring some steaks.

Perfect! Sounds good.

Come on. Sit down.

I don't know where he is. I feel
really bad how I left this morning.

It's hard not to help him.

It's also hard to watch
him continue to screw up.

Leo, if Ben gets involved in
some kind of criminal case,

I think maybe you should help him.

No. I said I wouldn't.
And I'm not going to.

I have to draw the line some place and
this may not a good place, but what is?

Well, I agree with the part where
you said this isn't a good place.

Look, you can't let Ben go to jail.

Ah, he's not gonna go to jail, but he's
going to have to think he is before he stops

rescuing girls who like
to get into trouble.

I'm going to have to let him
be scared out of his wits.

Otherwise, he's not
going to learn anything.

My guys tell me they don't think
the police will ever pursue this.

There's not any evidence that it's
anything other than a leaky gas line.

Still, he has to clear himself.

I confessed. You confessed?

To what, exactly?

I don't know. That I started the fire.

That we were there and we lit the Bunsen
burner and we may have b*rned down the school.

You don't know that you did
that but you confessed? What!

Isn't that what you wanted me to do?

I wanted you to tell the truth to
Ruben, or whoever you talked to.

It was your girlfriend who
lied her way into the building.

It was your girlfriend who roasted the
marshmallows over that Bunsen burner,

and she lit that Bunsen
burner. Yeah, but...

Yeah, but it was your
girlfriend who locked up,

turned off the lights
and closed the door.

You told me that. Did you tell
Ruben that in your confession?

I left it at "I can't remember. "

And the police are all involved
now. I got a public defender.

What! Look.

You wanted me to handle
it and I handled it.

Maybe you should go back to letting
all the blood rush to your brain.

Dylan. Hi, I was going to call you.

Why is there a Detective Shanahan
in the living room with my parents?

Don't panic. It's all going to be fine.

No, it's not.

Go find Bennie and he can
eat dinner with us, okay?

Okay? Okay.

Okay.

Thanks, bud.

Who's Bennie?

His bear.

I thought that was Frankie.

His new friend at school is
Bennie, so Now the bear is Bennie.

Ooh! What smells so good?

Lasagna. I didn't have a lot of time.
I closed up the shop tonight for Bunny.

Here. You got a package from
Mimsy. It came overnight.

Just toss it, it's probably just another
bag of socks. She keeps sending me socks.

You can open it later.
Guess who dropped by today?

Who? Your mom.

Are you calling one of your
moms my mom or you mean...

Anne. Your mom.

She dropped by here?
By the butcher shop.

Oh, no.

Yeah. Oh, no. Did you tell her
I didn't want to have a wedding?

I'm sorry. I had to tell her that.

I couldn't take the pressure.
You can take the pressure.

Uh, no, actually I can't. I couldn't.

What does that mean?

That means I agreed to have a wedding.

You did what?

I told you this lie is getting bigger and
bigger and now we have to have a wedding.

Or a wedding reception. Or
a big party or something.

No, we don't! And I
certainly do not want

my mother in charge of our
wedding or a wedding reception

or a big party for us!

Why is that?

Because that's the reason why I didn't
want a big wedding in the first place!

I don't want her to be at our wedding!

Because?

Because I'm not that comfortable with her
being gay and my parents being divorced

and her being gay.

And you know what else? I hate Ashley!

She's not comfortable with it
either and she just ran away!

Again! To Europe! I've
never even been to Canada!

Well, at least you're starting
to tell the truth, my fake wife.

We're going back to that squirrel guy.

Even if we do, we're still going to have to
go along with the wedding that your mother

wants to have all because you said
you wanted a wedding and I didn't.

Ugh! Why did I tell our stupid
parents that we're married?

Yeah.

Grace talked to Jack's dad and he
said we could use the church hall

as long as there's no
dr*gs or alcohol involved.

I don't know, Madison. Amy's mom was pretty
clear that she didn't want us to do anything.

Well, it's not a wedding. They're
already married, it's just...

A party for the whole school?

Not for the whole school,

but we don't want to leave anyone out

so we should probably just
invite anyone who wants to come.

But no parents of course,
that way Mrs. Juergens...

Oh, wait. She's not Mrs. Juergens
anymore. What do we call her?

What we've always called her, Amy's mom.

Right. Well, Amy's mom
doesn't have to know.

Yeah, but what if she
does throw them a wedding,

then she'll be upset with
us and she won't invite us.

Amy is not going to let
her throw her a wedding.

Ricky doesn't want one.

No, it was Amy who doesn't want one.

I don't care who wants what. It's
a good reason to throw a party,

and Amy should probably register
for some china or some flatware.

Yeah, and crystal or
glasses. And linens.

They'll need linens, like
sheets and towels and stuff.

Yeah. And pots and pans.
'Cause Ricky loves to cook.

And I bet they don't have a coffeemaker.

I don't think they drink coffee.

Okay, well, they'll need other
appliances. Like a popcorn maker.

A waffle iron.

A blender.

Not a wedding, a dinner party.

For 50 people or so.

That's not a wedding.

If we're going to throw a
wedding, let's throw a wedding.

I'm from India. I know how to do this!

We'll pitch a tent on that
vacant lot down the street,

invite four or five hundred people,

and have the bride and
groom ride in on elephants.

Oh, that would be fun, wouldn't it?

But no, I don't think we'll
get 'em to go along with that.

And who are the four or five
hundred people we'd invite?

Probably had a hundred
children through here.

Let's invite all of them and
all their adoptive families,

and what about your
family back in New York?

Wouldn't your aunts, your mom's
sisters, like to see Ricky and Amy

wearing those wedding bands?

Well, that would be nice, but they
hate to travel. They won't fly.

We never spend any money. This is my only
son's wedding. We'll have them driven out.

Oh, It'd be nice to see them.

And, you know, they've never met Ricky.

Then you will see them.

So, are you going to be
bringing your family over, too?

Let's not go crazy.

It's your mother, isn't it?
She still doesn't like me.

She'll come around. After 20 years?

We didn't have a
wedding. She was insulted.

Well.

We'll definitely have to get
her over here for this one.

Yeah, hi. I was wondering
how much would it be

to, like, have a dinner at your
restaurant for, say, a dozen people.

To start? I don't know. A green
salad. Yeah. I'll go with that.

Choice of dressings?

Yeah, give 'em a choice.
Oh! And we'll need some meat.

Maybe chicken or something
that tastes like chicken.

Dessert. Yeah, we'll need
dessert. Okay, cake. That's great.

Just a small, very small
wedding cake. That's everything.

What! Are you kidding me? Forget
it. They're already married, anyway!

No.