02x16 - Spy of the Year Awards

Episode transcripts for the TV show "K.C. Undercover". Aired: January 2015 to February 2018.*
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A high-school math whiz trains to be an undercover spy.
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02x16 - Spy of the Year Awards

Post by bunniefuu »

You guys will never believe this.

After years of being overlooked, I
have finally been recognized by my peers

at the Organization and been nominated

for an Orgi award! Best Foreign Mission!

What?!

Okay, I know it's taken a lotta time,

but Best Foreign Mission, that's
the most prestigious category.

People would k*ll for that nomination.

I'm pretty sure that's how
you get that nomination.

It's taken a lot of blood, sweat and tears,

and most of those tears are over
it taking so long to be nominated.

But, um, my time has come.

That's my girl.

Hey, guys. Guess what.

I have been nominated for an Orgi award.

It's, like, Best Foreign
Mission or something like that.

Can you believe it?

After only one year of
being in the Organization.

Must be like beginner's luck or something.

So you guys wanna celebrate
over some mac and cheese?

Get out while you can.

Why's everybody hatin'
on the mac and cheese?

♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪

♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪

♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep things hustle cool ♪

♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪

♪ Don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪

♪ I'm not perfect ♪

♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪

♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪

♪ Livin' my life, no way to learn ♪

♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪

♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪

♪ But I always got your back ♪

♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪

♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪

♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪

♪ It's all part of the plan ♪

I keep it undercover.

I keep it undercover.

Mom, is there a problem?

No, there's no problem.

Everything's fine.

Right as rain, couldn't be better.

Hunky dory.

Really? Because things don't
seem neither hunk nor dory.

Everything's fine.

But you're not the only one
nominated for Best Foreign Mission.

Oh, really? Dad got nominated?

No. Me!

Oh. Mom, that's awesome.

The Cooper ladies representin'.

You don't seem too happy about that.

- I'm happy.
- You don't look happy.

- I'm happy.
- You don't sound happy.

I'm happy, okay?

I'm very, very happy.

You might wanna text
your face and let it know,

'cause right now, you look a little grrrr.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Mom, would you like me
to decline the nomination?

No. I would never ask you to do that.

That would make me a terrible
mother and a horrible human being.

There's no reason why you should drop out.

Unless you want to.

Or you love me.

Mom, that was a test,
and you failed miserably.

No, I'm not dropping out.

You know what? Fine.

Fine. Then try not to be a sore loser.

I don't really know what
type of loser I'd be,

because I've never really lost at anything.

I also don't know what it's
like to not be nominated,

but I'm sure you could
tell me all about it.

(Inhaling loudly)

Come on, baby.

Nice tuxedo, Dad.

Thank you.

Whose is it?

What are you talking about?

This is mine. Wore it to my wedding.

Oh, really? Did it fit then?

I happen to think it looks great,
considering I've had two kids since then.

You do know how having kids
actually works, right, Dad?

You wouldn't be here if I didn't.

Looking good, Mom.

Thank you.

Wow! You look fantastic!

Thank you. And I like your tux.

Thank you.

Does it come in your size?

It is my size.

Almost.

Listen.

I love you, sweetheart, but
you've been a little nasty

since those nominations came out.

I want you to put a smile on your face,
and go make up with your daughter.

Can you do that for me?

All right, Craig.

I have been acting like an idiot,
competing with my own daughter.

I should be ashamed of myself.

Hey, KC honey, I love you.

Will you come down here so I can apologize?

Coming.

Okay, so I'll apologize,

and then the whole family will
go out and have a good time.

That's what I'm talking...

What the heck do you think you're wearing?

A dress suitable for
a -year-old girl.

And what are you wearing?

My new dress. I just bought it.

At what store? Forever Inappropriate?

What'd you say, Ernie?
Need help with your bowtie?

Yeah, I'll be right up there, buddy.

Mom, what is your deal?

Oh, KC, I'm embarrassed.

I don't know why I'm acting like this.

Honey, I really am proud of
you, and you deserve to win.

And you know what? When you do, I
will be cheering louder than anyone,

because I love you.

You're my baby girl.

(Retching)

All right, point taken.

I laid it on a little thick.

But I meant it.

(Vomiting)

KC, are you okay?

Yeah. Suddenly I felt a
little sick to my stomach.

It sounds like you have food
poisoning. What did you eat?

Just that pasta that...

- you made me.
- What are you saying?

I'm saying you did this to me.
You poisoned your own daughter.

KC, do you honestly believe
that I would ever poison anyone?

Well, you did it to the
enemy agent in Luxembourg.

It's how you got the
nomination in the first place.

You made me sick to my stomach.

Literally.

(Vomiting)

Oh, honey.

Okay.

Yuck. I can't believe I'm
nominated in the gadget category.

I thought it was an honor
just to be nominated.

Please. I've competed against an
I Heart New York bottle opener

and a stapler.

Me, the world's most sophisticated robot,

up against things you
find in a junk drawer.

At least it's better than my category.

Not nominated at all.

Those are the nominees
for Best Supporting Spy.

What do they have that I don't?

Skills, looks, a personality, the
ability to grow facial hair.

Okay, Judy, enough. I get it.

A sense of style, girlfriends,
a functioning pituitary gland.

Want me to go on?

Suddenly, I'm not sure I want to go on.

I feel awful about KC.

I mean, here I am at
this fancy awards dinner,

and she's at home feeling
sick, thinking the worst of me.

Come on, Kira, it's just the two of us.

Did you poison her?

Did you?

Of course not.

I swear on your tight tux.

It's not tight.

Just cuttin' off my
circulation a little bit.

(Feedback whines)

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to the th annual Orgi awards.

I'm television's Buck Marshall,

host of Fly Fishing With Buck Marshall,

Tales From the Morgue With Buck
Marshall, and my brand-new game show,


Pass the Buck With... you guessed it

Buck Marshall.

I'm told that this is the third
time that I've hosted these awards,

although for the life of me, I
don't have a single memory of it.

I could say the same
for my second marriage.

(Rim sh*t, audience laughter)

He used that same joke last year.

Maybe tonight, they can erase
our memory instead of his.

Don't worry, KC.

♪ Marisa is here ♪

I will nurse you back to health.

Marisa, just because you skip class

and spend most of your
time in the nurse's office,

does not make you an actual nurse.

Besides, you hate being around sick people.

Yes, except when I have a huge test
coming up that I didn't study for.

So just sit there and breathe on me, sicky.

Marisa, you do realize you
can't catch food poisoning.

Well, not with that attitude, you can't.

Now come on, throw up on me.

Less yappin', more yackin'.

Marisa, all I wanna do
is drink some of my tea,

keep it inside of my
body, and go back to sleep.

Let me help you.

And now, nominees for Best
Performance On A Foreign Mission...

This is it, this is it.

Whitney Larson for Canada.

Harris Russo for Estonia.

KC Cooper for Monrovia.

Hey...

And Kira Cooper for Luxembourg.

All right!

And the Orgi award goes to...

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, I don't think this
is part of the program.

Truth be told, I didn't
go to the tech rehearsal

because you people don't pay enough.

What is goin' on?!

I'll tell you what's goin' on.

Nobody's going anywhere.

This is not good.

Tell me about it.

I was just about to go to the bathroom.

All your weapons have been disabled.

My people are coming around
to collect your devices...

phones, laser g*ns, earrings, all of it.

Bup-bup-bup.

Hand over that wig, lady.
It's not my first rodeo.

All right, now let's make this easy.

I'm looking for the agent
who put away my father,

Tony "The Big Toe" Tolentino.

That's right.

I'm Tony "The Big Toe" Junior.

Big Toe Junior.

Wouldn't that make him the little toe?

No, that does not make me the little toe!

I resent that insinuation.

So which one of you is Agent ?

Okay, fine.

I'll question each one of you
until I find out who it is.

No one's going to tell you
anything, so do your worst.

These agents have been trained to withstand

- incredible physical pain.
- We have?

Were you not trained yet?

Yeah, you're not gonna like this at all.

If Agent doesn't come forward,
we'll start eliminating you one by one,

starting with her.

Great. They're starting
with Whitney Larson.

My odds just got better.

Kira!

We need to contact KC and
let her know we need help.

But his device shut down
all outgoing communication.

Not when you have your
own built-in satellite.

Take that, I Heart New York bottle opener.

KC, someone's put the
Orgi awards on lockdown.

We need you to get us out.

Help us, KC Cooper.

You're our only hope.

My family needs me.

I'm strong, I'm focused,

- I'm invincible.
- (Stomach rumbling)

I'm gonna need your help
to get off this couch.

Marisa, could you please
just pick a lane, please?

Fine. I pick this one.

(Groaning)

And unfortunately, my stomach
is left in the other lane.

Marisa, could you please just chill it out?

I don't know why I didn't pass my
road test the first two times.

Those guys at the DMV
must've had it out for me.

Pick up the pace, grandpa.
We got lives to save.

Psst.

Ooh, child.

- Dad, it's getting dangerous.
- I know.

We can't wait around anymore.

I'm goin' in.

(Laughing)

Bless you, Ernie.

I can always count on you to
make a joke and lighten the mood.

I'm serious.

If I can be a hero in front
of the entire Organization,

then I'll finally get
the recognition I deserve.

How about you get recognized
as the guy who sat there

and didn't do anything stupid?

That's an order, son.

All right, we can't wait
around any longer. I'm goin' in.

Goin' in was my idea.

Stop trying to take credit
for everything, Ernie.

No wonder they didn't nominate you.

They didn't nominate you either.

Look here.


I think you need to grab your men
and get outta here right now.

- Oh, you want us to leave.
- Yeah.

Okay. Pack it up, boys. We're leaving,

'cause this guy asked us nicely, you know/

Go scratch, man.

Okay. I'm only gonna say this once,

- and for your sake, I hope you're listening.
- (Grunts)

I have sticks of dynamite
underneath this tuxedo.

I don't believe you could fit
sticks of gum underneath that tuxedo.

If your brilliant plan is to save
everyone by blowing them up,

you're definitely not
the agent I'm looking for.

So...

Well, I tried.

All right, Marisa, I'm in,
and I'm feeling better.

I think I'm all puked out.

Thanks for doing doughnuts
in the parking garage.

Marisa, I need you to pull
up the building's schematics,

and find me a way to get to the ballroom.

KC, I don't know how to
bring up the schematics.

Frankly, I'm not really sure
what the word schematics means,

but if it's anything like
mathematics, not your gal.

Oh, I did it.

I did it!

Great. That's great. Can
you tell me where to go?

Well, according to this map,

you should go find someone
who knows how to read a map.

Marisa, you can do this.

Okay, um, just pretend like the
ballroom is a cute boy's bedroom.

Okay? And his parents are in
the living room watching TV.

What are they watching?

Jeopardy, okay? They're watching Jeopardy.

And he's not allowed to have anyone over

- Why?
- Because he called his sister a butt face.

He sounds
like... - No.


He's not anti-women,
he's just anti his sister.

Okay? Now tell me how
to get to his room. Go.

Okay, okay, yes.

Use the fire escape and
go up to the second floor,

make sure the coast is clear.

Oh, and take off your shoes so his
parents don't hear your footsteps.

Rookie mistake.

Now there should be an air vent
thirty paces to your left.

Wow!

Spy stuff is fun.

- Oh, no, to your right, to your right.
- Girl!


Okay now shimmy shimmy ten more feet,

and then, you can drop down
into the utility closet


near the secret back
entrance to the ballroom.


You mean to tell me there's a secret
back entrance to the ballroom?

Why am I crawling through an air vent?

What is wrong with you?

Um, I don't know. Maybe
it's that I'm not a spy.

Now you crawl on your belly,

and get to that cute boy's
room before another girl

sends him a text, and
the next thing you know,

he's taking Heather
Watson to the Spring Fling,

and you've got nothing better
to do on a Saturday night

than try to catch food poisoning.

What?!

I get hungry when I'm under pressure.

Your tuxedo must be starving.

Hey, Little Big Toe, why don't
you interrogate this one next?

I think there's a good chance Big
Mouth here is Agent .

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the agent I'm
looking for isn't nine years old.

Have you checked your eyebrows?

Maybe the agent you're looking
for is camping out in there.

All right, come on. It's
time to interrogate the one

that's dressed like Taylor
Swift's little sister.

(Stammering)

First of all, this dress
is appropriate for any age,

if you have the legs for it, and I do.

Now get down and call off your g*ons.

(Chuckles)

Okay, I really don't see what's so funny.

The laser g*ns we use, they're
activated by our fingerprints.

So go ahead. Pull the trigger.

See what happens.

- (Clicking)
- Oh, thank goodness.

The fingerprint technology
is still in beta phase.

But with that kind of bravery,
maybe you're Agent .

Yeah, there's no way she won that award.

But you know what? She does have
the legs to pull off the dress.

Oh, hey.

Um, I think I may be in the wrong place.

Is this not Kevin Finkelberg's bar mitzvah?

Oh, man, this is awkward.

My bad. You know what?

It's all right. Don't worry about me.

- I'll just find my way out.
- I think you're right where you belong.

At least, now you are.

KC, are you okay?

I wish I could see what was going on.

Wait a second. I think I can...

The live video feed.

Oh, I got the live video feed.

Oh, oh, oh. This is not
looking good for you, KC.

Oh, I can't watch.

How do I shut this off?

Oh, uh, lighting controls.
What does that do?

That's right, bad guys.

How about a little mood lighting?

While we're at it, how
about a little mood music?

(Dance music plays)

Oh!

Sit down. I'm still in charge.

Don't you hurt KC.

Oh, KC.

Don't you mean Agent ?

Yep. You figured it out.

I'm the one who put your father away
'cause he was a lowlife, just like you.

I'm Agent .

I'm gonna do something
actually worth nominating.

She's lying.

I'm Agent .

They're both lying. I'm Agent .

No, no, no, no, no. Don't
steal my hero moment.

I'm Agent .

No, I'm Agent .

No, I'm Agent .

All: No, I'm Agent .

Enough!

For the record, I am not Agent .

Hey, Dad, flex your g*ns.

I don't have any weapons, KC.

No, not that kind of g*n.

The g*n show.

Oh, yeah.

How about that?

Thanks, Dad.

Oh, by the way, k*ller tux.

Well, don't forget to say hello to your
father for me in prison, Little Toe,

'cause you're going away for a long time.

KC, I'm really sorry for the way I acted.

I guess seeing you nominated
your very first year,

and your being so young and having your
whole life and career ahead of you,

I don't know, honey, it
just made me feel so...

so... old.

Mom, old? Really?

You just saved every
agent in the Organization,

and you did it wearing a
cocktail dress and stilettos.

Mom, you're not getting older.

You're getting better.

Oh, honey, thank you.

Look, even if I win tonight,
I'm gonna give you the award.

Because you deserve it.

And I'm proud of you, kid.

Welcome back, everyone.

It's starting.

Craig, come over here.

Now where were we?

Oh, yes, the Best Performance
For A Foreign Mission.

And the Orgi award goes to...

- Kira Cooper!
- Yes!

♪ I won, I won, and
you lost, and you lost ♪

Yes, yes!

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, my gosh.

This was totally unexpected.

I mean, I never thought that I would win.

But, um, this isn't just about me.

No. Um...

I'd like to dedicate this award to

all the bad guys whose butts I kicked
to make this award possible! Yes!

Thank you, thank you!

Uh, Mom, I think you
forgot to mention someone.

Look what I did! Yes!

You are comin' home to Mama!

Rob, your name's on TV.
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