I can't find my French book anywhere.
Probably because you take Spanish.
That explains it.
Don't look now. Here comes Alexis.
I can't stand that girl.
- Hi, KC.
- Hey, girl.
So... did you hear?
The school's top student
is being interviewed by
Scholastic Accomplishments Quarterly.
Scholastic Accomplishments Quarterly?
That is, like, the quarterly publication
for scholastic accomplishments.
I have been dying to get that interview.
Thank you for the heads up.
Ooh, this is awkward.
They're actually interviewing me.
Sorry. Thought you knew.
Wait, so you just click-clacked all the
way over here to rub it in her face?
Why can't you just post your
brags online like everyone else?
Let me just get this straight.
Um, they decided to interview the student
with the second-highest GPS in the school?
No, the first.
Turns out I'm actually the smartest
student in the entire DC-Metro area.
Well, if that were true, you would know
that I am the smartest student
in the entire DC-Metro area.
Tell it to Scholastic
Accomplishments Quarterly.
Oh, that's right.
They don't wanna talk to you.
Well, are you sure you're
not being interviewed by
Obnoxious Accomplishments Quarterly?
Why do you let her get to you like that?
She's been driving you crazy
since we were little kids.
I have my reasons.
Nice turkey, KC.
- Thanks, Alexis.
- Just not as nice as mine.
Are those real feathers?
Mm-hmm.
(Shrieking) My boa.
I've been de-plumed.
Nobody plucks my best friend's feathers.
You're going down.
I'm not letting her get away with this.
I'm going to the principal, because
I know I have a higher GPA than her,
and I'm getting that interview.
Are you sure you wanna
be in the nerd report?
Hint: If you want a social
life, the answer is no.
Okay. Good-bye to you, too.
I swear, it's like no one listens to me.
Every time I have something to say...
(Theme song begins playing)
♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪
♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪
♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep things hustle cool ♪
♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪
♪ Don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪
♪ I'm not perfect ♪
♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪
♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪
♪ Livin' my life, no way to learn ♪
♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪
♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪
♪ But I always got your back ♪
♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪
♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪
♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪
♪ It's all part of the plan ♪
I keep it undercover.
I keep it undercover.
So I reviewed my transcript
with the principal,
and it turns out I do have
a higher GPA than she does.
So I will be meeting with a
reporter from the magazine tomorrow.
I was right.
May I remind you, we're spies.
We go undercover, not on the cover.
You can't do that interview.
Ernie, I earned it, okay?
I'm not gonna give it up.
You should know better than anyone.
There should be more to
life than just being a spy.
School means a lot to
me, and I worked hard,
and I think I deserve to
have my work recognized.
The Organization will never allow it.
The Organization will never find out,
because you will keep your mouth shut.
Look, Mom and Dad are away on a mission,
so I'm gonna have to step
into their roles for a second.
(Sighs)
I know how bad you want this, buddy.
And I know how hard you've worked.
I do.
But you've gotta cancel that interview.
Okay, fine. I will.
Proud of ya.
Glad we had this talk, princess.
Okay, all right, this is weird.
C.W. Barnes, Scholastic
Accomplishments Quarterly.
Oh. KC Cooper, scholastic
accomplishments constantly.
I have to tell you, I'm very
excited about this interview.
I have read every issue of your magazine.
Yes. I am the one.
I know what you did.
And you know what you did.
Well, I'm excited, too.
I think these next two days
are gonna be a lot of fun.
Two days?
That seems like a lot of
time for just a little blurb,
unless you spend the first day
and a half looking for a pen.
Blurb? Uh, I don't think so.
I wanna do an in-depth article, the likes
of which they have never seen before.
For the next hours,
I'm gonna be your shadow.
Oh, really?
Yes. I'm gonna find out where you go,
what you do, and who you do it with.
I'm gonna uncover all of
your deepest, darkest secrets.
I'm gonna find out everything
there is to know about KC Cooper.
Well, um, the first thing you should
know is that KC Cooper is a fraud.
Yeah, I am a fraud.
A lyin', stinkin', cheatin' fraud, and
you cannot have me in your magazine.
I don't understand.
Neither do I. I don't understand anything.
In fact, I don't even understand
what the word understand means
which is why I cheat, all the time,
off of this young lady here.
This much more smarter than me lady.
(Chuckles) That's not
even correct English,
but I don't even know how
to speak it, 'cause I'm dumb.
C.W., this is the person that
you need to be talking to.
Alexis, she is the... ahem...
smartest person in our class.
(Nervous chuckle) In
the entire DC-Metro area.
Take it easy. The drive to a mission
shouldn't be the most dangerous part.
I think someone's following us.
I promise, just like on all your
social media, no one is following you.
Then I guess I'm just
upset about that interview.
That reporter really got in my head.
The reporter? The reporter?!
You mean the reporter I
told you not to talk to?
That reporter?
Why do you always think
you know better than me?
Because . % of the time,
I do know better than you.
I'm telling you, someone is tailing us.
You're paranoid. Relax.
- You relax.
- I am relaxed.
- (Horn honking)
- (Shrieking)
Can you relax a little quieter?
Ernie: You need to intercept
the Other Side agent
before he can make the drop.
We need that flash drive.
Wait. Sh.
- I think I've got a tail.
- This again?
The targets are six blocks away.
If you've got company,
they're not on the guest list.
You would know all about not being
on a guest list, wouldn't you?
And by the way, I have followers.
One more word and you're down to .
I hear footsteps. Ernie,
I'm right about this.
- Someone is following me.
- Yes, KC, we know.
You're always right. Now get outta there.
Yeah, that's right.
Eat dirt, scuzzball.
You are dealing with the youngest
senior junior secret
agent in the Organization.
Can I quote you on that, KC?
What were you saying about being
the youngest junior secret what?
Wow.
You must've hit the ground pretty hard,
because, uh, I don't know what you're
talking about, or why you're even here.
Call it reporter's intuition,
but you were acting weird.
I thought there was more to the story.
Now I am sure of it.
Get rid of him.
The targets are in range.
Uh, you know what? Let's talk later.
This isn't really a safe place.
Oh, so it's safe for you, but not for me.
Now I'm really intrigued.
Okay, look out.
Sweet dreams.
Sorry, C-Dubs.
I'll take that flash drive.
Thank you very much.
All right, C-Dubs.
Let's roll.
Okay, we'll go on three, all right?
One, two...
Three.
I said we go on three.
That would be the number after two.
You should've listened to me.
I told you not to mess
around with this interview.
I told you, I told you, I told you.
Will you stop telling me you told
me and help me get him in here?
Ready? On three.
One, two, three.
What? I said three.
I know. You got all up in my head.
Just get in the van, please.
Can you just admit for once you
wouldn't be in this situation
if you had done what I told you?!
He wouldn't know you exist, and he
definitely wouldn't have followed you
on your top-secret mission.
Now, what do you suggest we do
with this guy when he wakes up?
So up until I was, I don't know, three
years old, I thought it was A-B-Z's.
Oh, man, kids can be so dumb.
Even the really smart ones.
Um... what are we doing here?
Apparently putting you to sleep.
Uh, no, no.
No, wait, I followed you.
No, you came up to me earlier and asked
if we could meet here for the interview
and then you insisted on
getting the Hawaiian pizza,
which you will pay the price for later
when it feels like you've
been slammed up against a van.
It'll make sense, trust me.
Uh, well, I don't remember any of that,
but I guess we should start the interview.
Or continue it.
Yeah, sure. Go ahead.
Ask away. I am an open book.
I have no secrets whatsoever.
So tell me, did you always
wanna be a journalist?
Absolutely.
When I was five, I did my
first investigative report.
"Mall Santas: Lap of
luxury or knees of disease?"
Mmm, interesting. Please go on.
You should've seen it. I
played him like a fiddle.
If there's one thing I learned
from being friends with you,
it's that people love
to talk about themselves.
So I managed to finish the interview
without giving up any real information,
and I still get the recognition I deserve.
Take that, Alexis.
(Scoffs)
Uh, I saw that.
- Saw what?
- You rolled your eyes.
Well, I had to roll them,
or else I would fall asleep.
How many times are we gonna talk about
this Alexis and Who Cares quarterly?
Could you not mock and criticize
me for once in your life?
When have I ever criticized you?
I don't know. Our entire friendship.
Where is the sparkly unicorn
vest I laid out for you?
You cannot wear flannel on Picture Day.
Why? It never goes out of style.
Because it's never been in
style. You can't wear that.
Not only will I wear flannel today.
I will wear flannel every
day for the rest of my life.
What about when you get married?
Flannel veil.
Oh, so you're blaming
your lack of style on me?
- Is that what this is about?
- I'm stylish.
Ish.
Look, this is about you supporting me,
which apparently is just too much to ask.
- KC.
- I don't wanna fight.
I'm just kind of stressed out because
of this interview, but you know what?
At least it's over.
KC, there you are. I wanna set up
a time to interview your parents.
Uh, what do you mean by parents?
I mean the people who raised you.
Oh, that's impossible,
'cause my dad's out of town.
Then I can wait till he gets back.
He's an astronaut.
It could be months.
Then your mom.
She has
outta-house-aphobia.
That is the fear of being out of the house.
Well, then, I will come to her.
All right? See you this afternoon.
Okay.
Outta-house-aphobia?
How are you the smartest
person in our school?
(Knocking on door)
Hello. Anybody home? Mrs. Cooper?
- Hello.
- Coming.
Hello, hello, hello.
I am Kira Cooper, KC's mother.
How ya feelin'? What's the dealie?
Whazzup?!
Oh, I'm sorry. I know that
is old-timey expressions.
How do you young kids say it nowadays?
Uh... hi.
You kids and your crazy slang.
Come on.
It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Cooper.
And can I just say, you look so
young to have a teenage daughter.
You know what? The secret is clean living.
And lots and lots and lots of makeup.
I mean, under here, I am an old hag.
So you're doing a little
article about my baby?
Yes.
Ernie!
What are you doing here?
I live here.
Well, don't just stand there, my son.
Your what?!
Give your mama some sugar. Come here now.
(Whispering) I am this
close to getting my article.
You better not mess it up for me.
Oh! Look at my little boy.
All right, so where were we?
We were waiting for KC.
We don't have to wait
for her; she's boring.
I think she should be here.
Well, you know what?
She's actually at NASA
waiting for her father.
Could be months.
Actually, Mother, KC is back.
She's right upstairs.
KC always has to be right... upstairs.
You're mistaken, dear.
Don't forget, you're still not too
old to get a little spanking.
Nope. She just texted me.
Should I text her and
tell her to come on down?
(Stammering) You know what?
That won't be necessary.
I will be right back.
With KC?
(Angrily) Yes, with KC.
I mean, you hope for two geniuses, but
this one is just not that bright.
KC's right upstairs.
He is lucky that I am not his mother.
Oh, hey, C.W.
My mom said you needed me. What's up?
I need both of you actually.
Oh, well, she's upstairs, and I
only have a few minutes, you know.
So much homework, so little time.
Go ahead. Ask away.
Uh, okay.
Would you say you inherited your
work ethic from your parents?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
My parents have always encouraged
me to be the best I can be.
I'm sure my mom would agree.
But why leave it to chance?
Why not go get her?
I'm sure it'll be nice for C.W. to
talk to both of you at the same time.
Maybe even take a picture of both of you.
- Together.
- That would be great.
Mmm, wouldn't it? I'll be right back.
♪ Mommy's home! ♪
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
I was at... plastic surgery.
Which is why I look so young.
But don't put that in your article.
That is off the record, mister.
Who's this?
Oh, I'm KC's mother.
Then who's that?
KC's other mother.
KC has two moms?
Looks like it.
I didn't realize KC had two moms.
Neither did she.
Well, it's not like when I was a teenager.
There's lots of ways to
make a family nowadays.
Can I talk to you outside for a second?
This one is so pushy.
One second.
What the heck do you think you're doing?
Why would you come over here
and pretend to be my mother?
You told me I don't support
you, so I came to support you.
That's actually really sweet. Thank you.
Now get outta here before
you ruin everything.
I'm sorry. Just to clarify,
KC lives here with you two?
- Her moms?
- Yeah, so?
Just a little surprised.
Why? 'Cause I'm white?
No. No.
Because my background information says
KC lives here with her mom and her dad.
A Craig Cooper?
The guy that's in all the family photos
inside while you aren't in any of them.
There's a simple
explanation for all of that.
I'm a vampire.
A vampire?
You, a vampire?
Well, I know it's not as original
as having outta-house-aphobia
while your father is stuck in space,
but then again, I'm not
the smartest girl in school
- like you.
- Just help me drag him inside.
I can't believe it.
You actually asked me to
help you with something.
Excuse me, but what is
that supposed to mean?
It means you never want anyone's help
because you have to
have everything your way.
Exactly.
- Why am I on the floor?
- Hey, let me help you up.
Your problem is you
always have to be right.
Now we're having a conversation.
Why is everybody ganging up on me?
So you don't like that
we're challenging you?
Probably because you're not used to it
because you always have to be right.
And you always have to be the best...
the best student, the best athlete,
- the best fake mom.
- Okay, guys, this is crazy.
Is it? You couldn't let
Alexis be in the magazine
because you couldn't stand the idea of
people thinking she's better than you.
Because she's not.
I have a teeny, tiny, slightly
higher GPA than she does.
I don't always have to be the best.
It's just that...
You usually are?
Hey, you said it, I didn't.
I really am confused.
I don't know where all this
is suddenly coming from.
- Suddenly?!
- This has been going on forever.
KC, Marisa and I are signing
up for the talent show.
Yeah. We've been practicing.
Look what we can do. Hit it, Ernie.
(Playing "Chopsticks" off-key)
That's great. I've been
practicing, too. May I?
(Playing "Flight of the
Bumblebee" flawlessly)
And that's how you play the piano.
I'm not having fun anymore.
I'm never going to try to be
good at anything ever again.
You know what? I just realized something.
I should've never quit piano lessons.
I was really good.
That's not the point of the story.
Okay, fine.
So sometimes I have a little itty bitty
overwhelming need to be the
absolute best at everything I do,
but what's wrong with
wanting to be the best?
Nothing, but it's also not the end of the
world if sometimes, somebody else is.
So what? I'm just supposed
to dumb myself down?
I'm not gonna do that.
No, we wouldn't want you to do that.
But all of this "failure isn't an option"
stuff is really a lot of pressure.
And when you're so focused on
b*ating everyone around you...
Then I lose sight of
what's really important.
Like the fact that I
have an amazing brother
and best friend who are
actually very, very right.
I'm sorry, guys, and I will work on it.
Okay? I promise.
Now can we go get some fro-yo?
Sounds good.
Ooh, better not forget this.
Mommy loves a senior discount.
C.W. did a really great
job with this article.
It is very well-written.
Best article I've read all year.
Okay, the only article I've read all year.
Ooh. Enjoying the article
written about... me?
Yes, actually.
Congrats, Alexis. Well-deserved.
Oh. Thank you, KC.
It's k*lling you, isn't it?
A little bit.
Rob, your name's on TV.