03x02 - Welcome to the Jungle

Episode transcripts for the TV show "K.C. Undercover". Aired: January 2015 to February 2018.*
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A high-school math whiz trains to be an undercover spy.
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03x02 - Welcome to the Jungle

Post by bunniefuu »

- Previously...
- We are gonna be disappearing for a while.

The Organization is sending us
to a safe house in Rio de Janeiro.

- (All arguing)
- Hey, hey, hey!

The whole point of us hiding from Zane

is to stay safe, so can we
please not k*ll each other?

You have the green light to engage.

Operation Good-bye Coopers is a go.

Okay, this is like the
unsafest safe house ever.

- Who sent you?
- That would be Zane.

And that would be pain.

Zoe?!

I'm with the Organization. If
you wanna live, follow me, people.

Where the heck are we going?

To the extraction point where
you'll be taken to a new safe house.

Don't move.

If that Brazilian jumping spider bites you,

you'll be temporarily
paralyzed from the neck down.

I found some DNA on this fabric.

If we can match who it belongs
to, we can find KC and Ernie.

Has everybody forgotten
that we are on the run,

looking for an extraction point?

Everything's fine, and we're in no danger.

(Sheena yelling)

It's four of us, and only one of you.

All right, well, now it's just you and me.

Oh... kay.

What are you gonna do now, KC?

No weapons and no back-up.

Almost takes the fun out of b*ating you.

Then maybe we should call it a draw.

I said almost.

As in, you almost made it
out of the jungle alive.

No back-up, huh?

Well, say hello to my little
friend, the immobilizing spider.

Yeah, you are lucky...

lucky that that spider got you,

'cause I was about to put you
on the pain train, freak show.

- Boo.
- (Shrieks)

KC, thank you.

You saved my life.

KC, that is just cold.

Don't be rude.

You may have had your differences,
but come on, hug it out.

I would, but I think that immobilizing
spider may have just bitten me, too.

Yep, I'm gonna go with definitely bit me.

As soon as this wears
off, you are so going down.

Why wait, I'm right
here. You better bring it.

- You better bring it.
- You bring it.

- I will bite your...
- I will bite you...

Ernie: Okay, okay. Break it up, you two.

- Yeah, you lucky he holding me back.
- Oh, please.

♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪

♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪

♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep their head so cool ♪

♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪

♪ Don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪

♪ I'm not perfect ♪

♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪

♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪

♪ Livin' my life, on red alert ♪

♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪

♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪

♪ But I always got your back ♪

♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪

♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪

♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪

♪ It's all part of the plan ♪

I keep it undercover.

I keep it undercover.

We're never gonna find her.

It's like looking for
a needle in a haystack.

Honey, your positivity
could use a little...

what's the word I'm thinking of...

oh, yeah, positivity!

We'll find them, Agent Kira.

We just have to wait until
vultures start circling,

and then retrieve their bodies.

Baby, can we take a break
so you can rub my feet?

Craig, I don't like rubbing your
feet when they're squeaky clean.

What makes you think I
wanna rub them nasty things

after you've been draggin' em
through the mud for six hours?

Can I at least lean on you?

Do I look like a walking stick to you?

Yes, because you're tall and lean.

No, no, because you're a
strong, independent woman.

What's the right answer
so you'll rub my feet?

Hey, footprints.

They were definitely here.
We're on the right track.

This one definitely matches
the boots from the safe house.

That's weird.

There are actually five sets of footprints.

Are you sure, Judy?

I'm a highly intelligent,
multi-million dollar piece of machinery.

I think I can count to five.

Come on, guys, we have to pick up the pace

to make it to the extraction point in time.

But my arms are tired. She's too heavy.

I'm not too heavy; you're just too weak.

Everyone who thinks KC's
heavy, raise your hand.

I have an idea. I think
I can concoct an antidote

using plants and herbs
to speed up KC's recovery.

While you're at it, can
you concoct some deodorant,

'cause I just spent the last two hours
in your armpit, and it was not pretty.

Ernie, help me gather what we need.

Just to make sure we don't get separated,

we should hold hands... the whole time.

(Sighs)

What's wrong, Marisa?

Oh, nothing.

(Sighs loudly)

Marisa, I know your
"something's bothering you" sigh.

It's a little less wistful than your
"I'm thinking about puppies" sigh,

and a little less throaty than
your "I want some waffles" sigh.

(Sighs loudly)

Now you're thinking
about waffles. I know you.

Okay, I know you're battling this
whole temporary paralysis thing

while trying to escape some crazed assassin

in the middle of the jungle,
but I am dealing with stuff, too.

Senior Picture Day is today, and
I'm upset that I'm missing it.

Wait, this is all about Senior Picture Day?

Ha! That is the best
news I've heard all day.

I hate picture days.

Just another occasion people expect you

to take a shower and run
a comb through your hair.

Yeah, FYI, showering and looking
like a member of society

is not just for special occasions.

(Sighs)

Oh, in case you didn't recognize that one,

that was my "Marisa's
being really annoying" sigh.

Oh, no, yeah, I'm very
familiar with that one.

Why isn't Sheena answering?

(Ringing)

Hi. It's Sheena.

I can't get to the phone.
You know what to do.

If they know what to do, why do you
have to tell them they know what to do?

Who asked you, Sheena?

Prepare to set the plane down.

Once again, if you want something done
right, you have to do it yourself.

Good news. Zoe says she almost has all
the ingredients for the antidote.

(Sarcastically) God bless Zoe!

What would the world do without her?

- What's your problem with her?
- I don't have a problem with her.

- Yes, you do.
- Leave me alone.

- Not until you tell me.
- Stop poking me.

I'll stop poking you when you
tell me what your problem is.

Listen here, brother, okay?

This paralysis will wear off, and when
it does, you better stop poking me,

or else you're gonna have one
less finger to worry about.

Fine. I'll stop poking you.

I'll just sit back and relax.

Time to let the dogs out.

Don't you dare put that nasty foot...

Please go back to poking me, please.

Yes, Agent Johnson, we've
located the children,

and we are en route to
the extraction point.

Ernie, don't touch that.

What is with that boy?

Anyway, everything is
fine, and, uh, what's that?

You wanna talk to KC?

Sure, sure. Hold on for a second.

Uh, KC, Agent Johnson's calling.

I said Agent Johnson's calling!

I'm sorry, Agent Johnson.

Apparently, nature's
calling at the same time.

She'll get back to you. Okay, Cooper out.

So you'd rather lie to Agent Johnson
than let him know that we're lost.

Why can't you ever ask for directions?

Because we're not lost.

I just don't know where we are right now.

Ooh, this is the Beyoncé
concert all over again.

I missed "All the Single
Ladies" 'cause of you.

You mention that show one more
time, you will be a single lady.

That a thr*at or a promise?

Okay, okay, okay.

You two have been arguing for
the last coconut trees,

and I can't stand hearing
you for one more second.

(Both arguing)

(Arguing muted)

That's better. Now let's keep moving.

It is so humid here.

My skin must look flawless.

Too bad I'm missing Senior Picture Day.

Come on, Marisa, what is the big deal
about the stupid senior picture?

KC, years from now, at
our high school reunion,

they will use those
pictures on our nametags,

and how are people supposed to tell me

I haven't aged a day if they can't see
the day from which I've never aged?

Oh, well, now that you put it like that,

I still have no idea
what you're talking about.

All right, the antidote is ready.

You should be up and running in no time.

Uh, that looks like tree
snot; I'm not eating that.

Come on, you'll barely taste the
anaconda saliva I used as a catalyst.

Snake spit? That's a double triple pass.

You ate the bugs. Why don't
you just give it a try?

Because I don't trust Zoe.

I'm already temporarily
paralyzed from the neck down.

I'm in no mood to be temporarily
paralyzed from the neck up, too.

No. Uh-uh. I'm not eating.

All right, guys, time to get tough.

Marisa, grab her head.

Zoe, plug her nose.

Oh, come on.

That's a good, good, good, good girl.

Okay, KC, you should be fine now.

Stand up.

Come on, KC. Get up.

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

All right. No?

All right, one, two, three.

All right, guys, I don't
think the antidote is working.

You think?!

I don't understand why
it's having no effect.

I mixed it perfectly.

Look at that, little Miss Perfect
doesn't know everything after all.

Should we try another
combination of herbs and plants?

No time. We'll just have to
carry her the rest of the way.

Good call. Come on, guys.

We gotta get going. Grab your stuff.

Load her up and move her out.

You know what? She's too heavy.

Let's just drag her the rest of
the way. She won't feel it anyway.

Pick up the pace, Agent Craig.

Put some pep in your step.

Hold on. We've been hiking for ten miles.

Not all of us are machines, you know.

Judy, give him a break. The
man is not exactly in his prime.

Excuse me?

I mean you're not getting any younger.

What?!

Oh, boy, this isn't coming out right.

I'm feeling a little dehydrated.

Are you feeling a little...

Hey, who's that over there?

Thank goodness. The Coopers.

Please help me.

Hey, how do you know who we are?

Maybe she's the enemy
agent that took the kids.

Judy, check her DNA.

(Muffled) Nice to meet you, too.

I'm Zoe.

I was sent by the
Organization to help you guys.

I was tracking KC and
Ernie with some enemy agent.

I don't know, I think her name is
Sheena, or something like that.

She temporarily immobilized
me with a poisonous spider.

Right. Why would we believe
anything you have to say?

Because the DNA doesn't match.

She's not the one we've been tracking.

Oh, my bad. Nice to meet you.

They couldn't have gotten far.
We can still catch up to them,

but as I may have mentioned
before, I can't move.

You've been bitten by the
Brazilian jumping spider.

I think I can make you an antidote.

Fine. As long as you don't put
your fingers back in my mouth.

Come on, guys. Help me gather what we need.


Your plan is working.

You're a genius, Sheena.

It takes one to know one, Sheena.

Okay?

I'm tired.

Let's take a break.

KC: Ow... is what I would say if I
could feel something right now,

which I can't, because the
paralysis hasn't worn off yet.

I don't understand why.

I know I mixed the antidote perfectly.

Well, looks like your miracle cure

is missing two things:
a miracle and a cure!

Come on, Zoe, let's go
find something to snack on.

(Sighs loudly)

Yes, Marisa, I recognize
your "I need attention" sigh.

What is it?

Well, I wasn't gonna say
anything, but since you asked...

Senior Picture Day is over by
now, and I totally missed it.

Marisa, seriously, will you give
this senior picture thing a rest?

I am so sorry you don't
like me talking about this.

Feel free to get up and leave at any
time. Oh, that's right, you can't,

just like I can't be in the yearbook now.

- Why is it so important to you?
- Because!

I guess I just never thought
I'd actually get to be a senior.

What are you talking about?

Look... (Chuckles)

KC, I'm not a brainiac like you.

I'm not motivated like you.

It doesn't come easy for me like
it does for you, so I don't know,

I guess in the back of my mind, I
always just wondered if I was...

ever gonna actually get to be a senior,
and now that I am, I don't even have

a senior picture to show for it.

Oh.

Marisa, I'm... I'm really sorry.

Your hug is actually making me...

Wait a minute!

Uh, for someone who's in
the throes of paralysis,

you seem to be moving pretty good now.

It's a miracle.

Wow.

Wow, you know what, guys?

I've gotta tell you, it feels
good to be able to move again.

Let this be a lesson for all of us.

Appreciate what you got
while you still got it.

Like silence.

Why don't we all appreciate silence by
not talking about what just happened

all the way to the extraction point?

Yeah, but before we do that, can
I just point out something?

You're a liar. A liar!

We just carried you two miles through
the jungle, and you've been faking it?

Why would you do that?

I thought it would be
a pleasant distraction.

It was either that or I Spy, and
I don't know about you guys,

but the only thing I spy
out here is our strong bond

and willingness to
immediately forgive each other.

Am I right or not?

I'll tell you what I spy.

A liar.

KC didn't want Zoe's antidote to
work, because she's jealous of her.

- Jealous.
- That's not true.

Oh, isn't it, liar? Isn't it?

The only thing she's tried to
do since we met her is help us.

- But you can't accept help.
- That's not it at all.

Oh, you have to do everything by yourself.

You can't let anyone
else have the spotlight.

You always have to be the hero.

No, I don't.

Then why do you dislike Zoe so much?

Because I don't want her to save us.

- Why not?
- Because I have to save us.

- Why?
- Because it's all my fault.

What does that even mean?

The reason we're in this stupid jungle.

The reason we're on the run, the
reason why Zane is even free,

and knows where we are
is because of me, okay?

I'm the one who did all
this, so I have to fix it.

Wow. This is making my whole Picture
Day thing really petty in comparison.

It may be your fault, but that doesn't mean

that you have to fix
everything by yourself.

I'm here for you.

We all are.

Thanks, guys.

You know what, Zoe?

I, um, I owe you an apology.

You were just trying to do your job,

and you know what, you are
really, really good at it.

I was just taking everything I had,

and bottling it up and
taking it out on you.

I just hope you forgive me.

Get your hands off my baby.

That's right. KC, we came to save you,

- and we brought back-up.
- That's right.

I'm the back-up. Now back up.

Good one, Sheena. Thank you, Sheena.

Oh, great, not these two again.

Zoe, this is the rescue
portion of the rescue mission.

Dad, that's not Zoe. This is Zoe.

Okay, then who is that?

I guess that makes me Sheena.

Zane sent me, and I'm
here to eliminate you all.

Now who wants to go first?

Is no one an option?

Um, let me think about that.

No.

You know what, guys, I'll go first.

It was my fault. I'm sorry.

As for you, Sheena...

KC, I'm so proud of you!

I'm so happy to see my babies again.

- You all right, son?
- I'm okay, Dad.

Now we know Zoe wasn't trying to take
you out, maybe you can take her out.

- Dad!
- Come on.

Honey, I just wanna say, we
were under a lot of pressure.

Things got crazy out there in the jungle,

and some things were said
that shouldn't have been said.

Oh, honey, I understand.

You don't have to apologize.

Oh, I wasn't.

I was reminding you that
you owe me an apology.

If I were you, I'd get my butt in
that chopper, Craig Cooper. Now!

Apology accepted.

Marisa, wait.

What? Do I have one of those
paralyzing spiders on me?

No. Just the perfect light.

One, two, three.

- I mean, it's not a senior picture...
- Aww!

But I guarantee it's a moment
you're never gonna wanna forget.

Aww, KC.

You know, unless Ryan Gosling finally
responds to my online petition,

I think I want you to be my prom date.

Aw, well, if Drake asks
me, then you're out of luck.

Well, thanks for all your help.

It was great meeting you.

Hey, you never know.

Maybe we'll work on another
mission together someday.

I'd like that.

I'd like that, too.

Anyway, uh, I should get going.

I should be going, too.

Well, see ya around.

Not if I see you first.

Not if I see you first.

Not if I see you...

Ugh! I haven't even been to prison yet,

and I already feel like I'm being punished.

Sheena, you're just mad 'cause
nobody's interested in you.

Excuse me? I don't need a
man to complete me, Sheena.

Way to ruin the moment, Sheena.

Well, the good news is,
we're all together again.

And recent intel shows that
Zane has no idea where we are.

That's a reason to celebrate.

(All cheering)

Hey, Judy, hit the music.

(Brazilian music plays)

Hey, excuse me, pilot.
Where are we going to next?

Is there a new safe house?

Oh, there's a misunderstanding.

You're not going to a safe house.

In fact, you're not safe... at all.

(Laser blast)

Good luck, Coopers. You're gonna need it.

Rob, your name's on TV.
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