02x19 - Wrong Side of the Tracks

[bunniefuu]

- Yes.
- Say it again.

Yes, I'd love to go out with you.

Now say it with my name.

Yes, Shawn,
I'd love to go out with you...

...Shawn.

- Well, who's Shawn?
- You are.

I know.

Jill Hollinger... wow!
This is a whole new type of girl for you.

I know!
She's got style, she's got elegance,

she's got... parents.

Look! Baby geeks
discovering the female of the species.

I say we tag them
and return next spring.

Why don't you return never!

They attempt to protect themselves
by puffing up.

- I don't see you guys with any girls.
- Oh, please...

We only hunt when we need to hunt.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... wabbit season.

Uh, hi. You probably don't know me--

- You're Eric Matthews.
- Great guess.

- I'm Valerie Stevens.
- Two in a row!

- Guess what I'm gonna ask you next?
- You gonna ask me out?

- And guess what you're gonna say?
- I'd love to, but I can't.

You see... I skate

and I spend all my free time at the rink.

Oh, all your free time?

You know, it's amazing you two
haven't seen each other there already.

- (both) Huh?
- Eric skates.

And since you skate,
he skates, you both skate,

you could meet each other there.
Right, Blades?

Yeah!

I'm always there real early in the morning.
You know, right when they're...

... rolling out the ice.

You're so funny.

So, let's get together
and skate sometime?

- How's Friday?
- How's Friday?

- (clenched teeth) Nod your head yes.
- Yes.

This is great!
A guy I like who skates.

What are the odds?

I'd say pretty slim.

Jason, I don't skate... at all.

Hey, come on. Canadians skate.
How hard could it be?

Topanga, you wrote
your biography on who?

Someone I really admire - Katie Couric.

Oh, please...
I'm so perky, I have such a big smile.

She's a phony.
At least pick someone real.

OK, Cory, who are you picking?

Captain James T. Kirk
of the USS Enterprise.

Come on, Matthews.
Real people.

The assignment is biography,
not fiction.

- Captain Kirk...
- La-la...

- Captain Kirk is a made-up TV character.
- ...la-la-la-la...

- It's the truth.
- No, it's not!

Matthews, come on. The guy's years
old. He wears a tribble on his head.

It doesn't have to be somebody famous.
Just somebody real. Anybody you like.

- Anybody?
- Anybody.

- Absolutely anybody?
- Absolutely anybody.

- I pick Shawn.
- I pick Cory.

- You know you walked right into that.
- I did, didn't I?

All right, Shawn Hunter...
Now, where are you from?

- I'm from here.
- Uh-huh.

Shawn was raised by wolves.

(howls)

Jill, it's too bad Friday's all the way
at the end of the week, huh?

Yeah...
Look, Shawn, about Friday...

I can't go out with you.

I'm free Saturday too.

I can't Saturday... or any day.

- Why not?
- I just can't, OK?

- What was that about?
- I don't know. She just totally blew me off.

Yeah, but yesterday she couldn't wait
to go out with you.

Doesn't make sense.
Something's wrong.

Look, just wait here.

Mindy... Listen, what's with Jill?
Why'd she dump Shawn?

Come on, Cory,
I think it's pretty obvious.

Like her parents would ever
let her go out with him.

- They have a problem with Shawn?
- Only a lot.

Shawn and Jill don't exactly belong
to the same... you know, circle.

- What do you mean "circle"?
- Hello!

His family,
where they live, what they do.

I mean, yuck!

- May I go, please?
- Yeah, go.

Hey, come on.
What does she know, right?

- I shouldn't have asked her out.
- You bet.

I mean, if she's a snob like that...

What was I thinking?
Like I had a sh*t at a girl like that.

She doesn't know what she's talking about.

Yeah?
Look at where I live.

- You live in a great place.
- Cory, I live in a trailer park.

But what a trailer park.

I mean, it's got all sorts of things.
Like a pool - you know, when it rains.

Jason, you're the one
that told Valerie I could skate,

- so you've gotta help me out with this.
- Relax, I'll come up with something.

- Don't I always?
- No!

Then I'm due.

Now a lot of this is just presentation.

You gotta look comfortable,
but you still gotta be able to flex.

I am not wearing spandex.
No way.

You think we should find out about that?

As long as Eric's saying "no way,"
I guess we're all right.

Here's a good picture for your biography.

Ah, look, you're playing in your sandbox
at the old house.

- You always had a house, didn't you?
- Yeah, but it was tiny and...

I spent most of my time
playing in the sandbox.

Yeah, I spent most of my time
playing in the burnt-out old Chevy

out back by the septic tanks.

- Cool.
- You staying for dinner, Shawn?

No, not tonight. Why don't you
come over to my place?

- My dad's broiling fish.
- On the engine of his pick up?

- I thought you liked it last time?
- Well, I did, it was just a little oily...

...and anti-freezy.

Fine. OK, I understand.
Stay in your nice kitchen,

- eat your fancy oven-cooked food.
- We haven't worked on your biography.

Hey, I lived, I d*ed.
No big deal.

- Cory! Cor!
- There you are.

- You OK?
- I'm great!

Good. I was worried
when you missed first period.

- I had a conflict.
- What were you doing?

Wait for it. Wait for it.

- Not that way. The lower hallway's flooded.
- But we have to get to the library.

Right now, Miss Barnett,
the library is only accessible by canoe.

- What happened?
- We're sinking!

Janitor Bud, get your big mop!

- You?
- I also freed the rats in the biology lab.

Get this - I turned all the clocks
ahead hours.

(bell ringing)

Yeah, sure.

Naturally I'm impressed and all,
but what do you think you're doing?

Just giving you good stuff for your bio.

"A mild-mannered youth
until seventh grade,

Shawn realized he was nothing but trailer
trash, so he blew up the entire school."

- Look, is this about that girl Jill?
- No, this is about me being who I am.

Jill did me a favor. She showed me where
I stand with all the Jills of the world.

- Hey!
- Hey yourself.

I guess you heard about all the stuff
I've been doing around the school, huh?

Why? What did you do,
color outside the lines?

That's a good one.
"Color outside the lines."

Listen, squeak, we ain't impressed
with your piddly little monkeyshines.

Yeah, when you got something
they can wrap a grand jury around,

then give us a jingle.

Hey, it's my first day.
I'll do bigger stuff.

What's the source
of all these new aspirations?

- I thought maybe I could hang with you.
- Ha! Like it's so easy, right?

- We simply make it look effortless.
- Come on... now, now, gentlemen.

We always need to be on the lookout
for new promising talent.

- So am I in?
- No.

You see, the membership committee...

just not impressed enough
to make you a full-fledged thug.

We do, however,
offer a nice internship program.

That's how I started.
And today, I'm a thug.

So you wanna come sit
in the parking lot with us?

- And do what?
- What, ain't I just said?

Sit.

Hey, you got yourself a sitter.

Hey, Shawn, why do you want
to hang out with these guys?

- What's wrong with that?
- Listen, whatever your problem is,

- these aren't the guys to help you.
- So you think I have a problem?

(bell ringing)

Class starting, door shutting.
Matthews, Hunter, this means get in.

I think you're gonna have a problem
if you hang out with guys like that.

They happen to be my kind of guys, OK?

- We're part of the same circle.
- Look, Shawn--

- Cory... let go.
- Hey!

- Where's your friend going?
- I wish I knew.

- Hey, Mr. Feeny.
- Yeah...

All right, listen. I was just wondering,
could I ask you a few questions?

- For your biography assignment?
- Yeah, that's the one.

I'm flattered, Mr. Matthews.

Let's see...

A lot of people think I was born in Boston.
But in point of fact--

Mr. Feeny...
I'm not writing about you.

- Oh.
- I'm writing about Shawn.

Of course.

Of the truly great lives lived,
I suppose Shawn Hunter

would be the obvious choice.
Falling somewhere between...

Gandhi and Soupy Sales.

Yeah. I was just wondering,
do people turn out a certain way

because of where they come from?
You know, where they live,

who their parents are?

Ah, the old
nature versus nurture conundrum.

Yeah, to use a lot of words
I don't understand.

Personally, I believe that a man,
no matter where he comes from,

chooses his own path.

So really, no matter who you are,
you can make up your own mind

- about what you want to do?
- Absolutely.

- (Amy) Cory, dinner!
- I'll come in when I choose to.

(Amy) Get your butt in here now!

- Uh, Mr. Feeny...
- My theory bites?

I'm thinkin'.

- What's this?
- You hold in your hand

a subliminal
Learn To Skate In Your Sleep tape.

But I don't wanna skate in my sleep.

- Ha-ho... you're lucky you got that smile.
- Thank you.

I dubbed over my mom's weight-loss tape,
but it should still work.

- I mean, it worked for her.
- No, it didn't. She's huge.

Yeah, and in only eight weeks.

Jason, this is a stupid idea.
It's never gonna work.

I'm just gonna tell her that I can't skate.
And if I lose the date, so what?

I don't know what it is, but the skating
skirts keep getting shorter and shorter.

Pretty soon,
I'm not gonna be wearing anything.

Oh, Eric, see you Friday on the ice.

I play it while I sleep?

No, no, no, no... more detached.
You still look friendly.

Uh, slouch a little bit.
A little bit!

More lip.
Ahh... Frankie, you do it.

- I can't work with this kid.
- It's my first day.

Yeah, Joey, you remember your first day...
You wore a suit.

Guys, um... Once I get the look down,
then what?

Oh, listen to the eager beaver.

OK, eager, this morning,
you get the bagels.

- Bagels?
- Bagels.

- That's it?
- That's it.

Shawn! I've been looking all over for you.
Where have you been?

- Nowhere, man.
- Come on, Shawn.

Listen, I've been thinking.
It's time we both faced the facts.

- The facts?
- Cory, you and I are different.

Sooner or later, we're gonna
end up in different places.

- Says who?
- Why don't we just do us both a favor

right now and call it quits, OK?

- What has gotten into you?
- You just don't get it, do you?

- Get what?!
- Look at your house, Cor.

Look at where you live.
Look at how I live.

Look at your parents.
Look at my parents.

I know where I'm gonna end up.
Just let me get there now.

- Shawn!
- Just let me get there now!

(slams locker)

(guys talking)

- Hey Keiner, you got a minute?
- Nah, sorry, fresh out.

Find one.

Oh, shh...
There's one now.

I noticed Shawn Hunter's been
hangin' out with you and your boys.

Oh, sorry, Mr. Turner, we're full up.

But we'll be happy to put you
on the waiting list though.

Cut the kid a break, will ya?

Yeah, I think I did
by letting him hang out with me.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- What a guy you are.
- Well, you know...

But somehow I don't think
that's what the kid needs right now.

Oh, am I getting a speech?

You get more than that
if Hunter's not back in my class.

What's the matter? You stood there
and took that from a teacher?

- How come you didn't say nothin'?
- Because...

actions speak louder than words,
gentlemen.

I just came up with
the perfect initiation for Hunter.

(woman) There are no barriers
to your success when you are in control.

- (woman) You can...
- (Jason)...ice skate...

(woman) That's right.
You can absolutely, positively...

- (Jason)...ice skate...
- (woman) Food has no power over you.

(woman) Sure you've tried other diets,
but now you'll finally...

(Jason)...skate real good.

- (woman) Now picture a beautiful thin...
- (Jason)...ice skater...

(woman)...reaching out to you,
encouraging you.

- (woman) Showing you how to...
- (Jason)...ice skate.

What the heck's going on?

- Wait a minute. You're... you're the...
- I'm your inner skater.

- I'm here to help you.
- But how?

- You like Valerie, don't you?
- Well... yeah.

Then I'll teach you how to skate
right into her heart.

Come on. The last time I skated,
I was at a third grade birthday party.

I fell flat on my face and split my lips.
Couldn't even eat the cake.

Don't put up barriers to your success.

If you believe in yourself,
you can ice skate.

- But... no. 'Cause...
- Hush. Take my hand.

- Where is this place?
- You're in a rink.

- But I don't know how to skate.
- Yes, you do.

- Do what I did.
- OK.

Nance, watch this!

Triple-lutz double-axle Salchow.
I'll see you at the ' games in Nagano.

- In your dreams.
- I'll never want this to end.

But it must. This is the end of side one.
Please turn the tape over.

Huh?

(woman) Please turn over the tape.
This is the end of side one.

I can skate.

I can skate now!

And food has no power over me.

Maybe it's none of my business, but
you're putting orange juice on your cereal.

Huh?

All right. What's going on?

Nothing... It's just that Shawn,
he doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

- Since when?
- Since yesterday.

- You guys have a fight or something?
- No.

That would actually make some sense.

Shawn's got it into his head that
we're going to grow up and not be friends.

So he just wants to start
not being friends right now.

Why does he think
you're gonna stop being friends?

I don't know. It's stupid stuff like
where he lives, what snobby girls think.

And now he's mad at me
for no reason at all.

My guess, Cory,
is he's really not mad at you.

- Then why is he acting like this?
- I don't know for sure,

but sometimes people can push you away
just when they need you the most.

- Then he must really need me.
- Maybe he does.

- Turner's bike.
- (guys laugh)

Clearly he takes very good care of it.
Not a scratch on it and look how it shines.

- You could eat it.
- You mean eat off it?

I said what I said.

It's a real thing of beauty.
Shame what's about to happen to it.

- What's about to happen to it?
- You are, my friend.

Mmy advice on the first swing -
don't go for a home run,

- just make some contact, huh?
- May I recommend the headlight.

Good noise, broken glass -
a real crowd pleaser.

Swing batter, swing batter, swing batter,
swing batter, swing batter.

Can I take a couple of
practice swings first?

- You know what I'm thinking?
- What are ya thinking, Frankie?

- I'm thinking he ain't got the guts.
- Yeah, I'm smelling chicken.

A big one, extra crispy.
I say we take him to the colonel.

He'll pluck ya, fry ya,
and serve you in a bucket with biscuits.

Ooh... I just remembered something.

OK, Hunter. This is where we find out
if you're really with us.

Go ahead.

- Hey guys, what's up?
- Cory, come on, get out of here.

Shawn, that looks like a bat.

- Could that be Turner's bike?
- Yeah, you're right!

- Now would you leave?
- Nah, this kind of looks like fun.

- Here, let me go first.
- Cory, let go.

- No, I'm gonna try it.
- You're not even supposed to be here.

- Yeah? Neither are you.
- Would you just let me do this?

If you're gonna do this, Shawn,
then I'm gonna do it.

- This is not your place, OK?
- Are you saying I don't belong here?

- That's what I'm saying.
- If you belong here, then I belong here.

Hey, baboon, look, we got some business
here. So I suggest that you walk away

- while your legs still bend only once.
- Listen, Keiner,

this is between me and Shawn.
So take your greasy head

and your rat-faced thug
and get away from my friend.

Oh, my...
Oh, my, my, my...

All right, Harley,
you've got one punch, but...

you better make it good,
'cause chances are, it's gonna k*ll me.

Think so.

Hey, fellas.
Hey, whew...

Boy, thanks for lookin' out for my bike.

From my window up there, it looked like
some clowns were about to mess it up.

Yeah, well, I'm just glad
that we got here in time, you know?

Come on, Joey,
we've got some appointments.

Hey, when he said "rat-face,"
was that, like, pejorative?

All right, you two. You wanna
tell me what the problem is here?

- No problem.
- Everything's great.

Who you kiddin'?

What's with you, Hunter? Why you
wanna hang out with these lowlifes?

- Maybe I'm a lowlife too, OK?
- Is that what you think?

- That's what everybody else thinks.
- I wanna know what you think.

- Hey! I'm out here with a bat, aren't I?
- Yeah!

- But you didn't swing it.
- Just 'cause Cory came along.

Oh, you think
that was an accident? Huh?

That you have a friend
who thinks so much of you,

he's willing to
put his own neck on the line?

No, I don't think lowlifes
have friends like that. Do you?

- I don't know.
- They don't!

I don't know anything.
I don't even know who I am!

Well, Shawn, I know who you are.
You're Shawn Hunter!

You were raised by wolves.
You're my friend!

It says so in your biography.
I mean, what else do you need to know?

I need to know what's gonna happen
to me and you can't tell me that.

Hey, Hunter...
All Matthews can do is be your friend.

And so far,
he's been doing a real good job.

All I can do is teach you whatever I can,
and hope that you'll leave my class

a little better than when you came in.

You mean, drag the trailer-park trash
up to decent society?

Hey, if you don't know
that deep down inside you're all right,

then I haven't taught you anything at all.

- You think I'm all right?
- I think you need to think you're all right.

You think I'm all right?

I think... if you put your mind to it
and get back inside that school,

and never... never go near this Harley,
or that Harley...

Yeah... I think you'll be all right.

Mr. Turner, do you really think
he's gonna be OK?

Sure.

I can't believe what a good skater you are.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- Didn't think you'd believe me.

You want to go to Chubbies
and grab a bite?

Whoo-hoo! A little food
has no power over me.

- Eric, you OK?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.
I had a really big lunch.

You mind keeping me company
while I eat?

- You can have some desert.
- Ha-ha... desert...

...is the enemy of my hips.

If you don't want to go out with me,
just say so.

No! I can do this. Come on, let's go to
Chubbies and get some foo...

Fuah...

- Some fuad...
- Hey! Buddy, you were great out there.

- Want a hot-dog?
- Aah...!

- All beef.
- Ahh!

- Chili... cheese!
- Ahh!

- Dinner?
- Love to.

All right.

You know, uh...
I taught Eric how to skate.

- Did you?
- Uh-huh.