02x22 - Career Day

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Cor, it's your dad.
He's doing career day. All right.

It's not all right.

Today we find out
I'm not a basketball player's son.

My dad is a grocer.
I'm a grocer's son.

I'm a son of a grocer.

Hey, Shawn, Cory, umm...

Guess how many different kinds
of rice we have?

- Oh, no.
- Come on, Shawn, guess.

- Ten?
- Ten.

, and that's not even
counting the short grains.

Throw them in...
Forget about it!

- Cory?
- Yeah?

I'm glad I'm not you.

First of all, I would like to say thank you
to the parents for being here.

After they speak,
you guys should have a better idea

of what kind of vocations interest you.

Let me guess, Hunter -
summer vocation?

Find some new material, will ya?

Our first speaker is Topanga's father,
Jedediah Lawrence.

Thank you, Mr. Turner.

I think I should begin by
telling everybody what I do...

- I'm a luthier.
- And I'm a Presbyterian,

but to each his own, I say.

A luthier makes musical instruments.

No offense, sir, but that's got to be
the nuttiest religion I ever heard.

Ha! Don't worry, it's not you.

Daddy, forget about all that.
Tell them who called last night.

Oh, they don't want to
hear about that, Tippy.

(both) Tippy?!

(growls)

- Tippy's nice.
- It's my new favorite name.

Well, it's really no big deal,
but... Bruce.

- Bruce Springsteen?
- Uh-huh. I took the call.

He said, "Hey, little girl,
is your daddy home?"

So you make guitars
for a lot of big rock stars?

- Most of them.
- (overlapping oohs and aahs)

He can make 'em,
but can he play 'em?

But I guess my real love
is playing these things.

(plays guitar)

- He's toast.
- He's toast.

I'm toast.

Please... sit down, sit down.
Come on, plenty more show.

OK, let's see. Our next parent is...

- Please no, please no, please no...
- Please no, please no, please no...

- (Turner) Mr. Alan Matthews!
- (clapping)

Cory's father is a grocer.

Now, you probably think
that all he's going to talk about is

how many different types of rice he stocks.

Ha! I'm sure there's a lot more to it
than that. Alan?

Well, uh...

Uh, thank you for that, uh... intro.

I don't.. I don't know a lot of rock stars,
but, uh... I do know this...

I take... pride in what I do.

Everybody needs groceries.

I'd like to think we do more than
sell lettuce and pickles and potato chips

and bug spray.

Umm... we sell... dreams.

What aisle?

All right, who didn't get a coupon?

Have a couple left here.

This one... this one's for liquid soap.

I guess I'll leave them here.

Thank you very much, Alan.
Thank you.

That took guts.

Shawn, was that as bad
as I think it was?

Not for me.
I got cents off Apple Jacks.

OK, let's see.
Our next parent is...

Sorry I'm late. Uh, actually,
I was out in the hall having a smoke.

Don't endorse it, don't deny it.

Dad! I thought you were
gonna be outta town?

Oh, if anybody asks, I am.

- Hi, Teach, Chet Hunter.
- How are ya?

OK, everyone,
let's welcome Shawn's father.

Chet Hunter.

Shawn, what does your dad
do for a living?

Shh... I want to find out.

What do I do for a living?

You've got one man here
who makes things with his own two hands.

You've got another one,
puts food on America's table.

And my hat's off to both of them.

Me? Well, it's kind of hard
to put your finger on what I do.

- Shawn, you're not breathing.
- Sorry.

Mostly I buy and sell things.

Sometimes a refrigerator, sometimes a car.

Why, once I even sold an entire nation.

What I sell best are ideas.

That's what I am - I'm an idea man.

A few years ago,
I had an idea for an all-news TV station.

Going all the time, all over the world.

- You invented CNN?
- That's exactly what I called it.

CNN - Chet's News Network.

But I made the mistake of yapping to a
southern fellow 'bout it on an elevator.

- What did you say your last name was?
- Turner. No relation.

- Wow, he's somethin'.
- Yeah, somethin'.

By show of hands,

how many of you have a microwave oven?

You're welcome.

You know something?

This SAT prep-course seems to
really be working for me, man.

It's got me completely focused
and prepared.

It's like I'm in the SAT Zone.

All my other senses
are completely shut down.

- Eric?
- Hmm?

You just spilled soup on your lap.

What?

Aah!

Remember that world series game
where the first baseman

let that easy ground ball go under his legs,

and his team lost and he was humiliated
in front of the entire world?

- Yeah?
- I envy his son.

Oh, come on, Cor.
Your dad wasn't that bad.

The cantaloupe is your friend?

- OK, that part was bad.
- Your dad... he was awesome.

Everyone loved him
and he told great stories.

Yeah, stories, it's all he has.
Why do you think we live in a trailer park?

- Listen, at least no one's laughing at him.
- Your dad did fine. It's all in your mind.

Hey, Matthews, look!
I'm eating your dad's friend.

That's it! I've gotta move
to another school district.

I'm telling you, man,
I've got business here.

Listen, I'm not gonna say this again.

If you're not faculty or staff,
you have no business on this campus.

Hey, leave me alone, pal.

I'm George Feeny.
I'm the principle of this here high school.

- And you're not George Feeny!
- I'm parked in his spot, ain't I?

Mr. Feeny, I can explain.

- Please do.
- Go ahead.

- Uh, you're Feeny, too?
- I'm Feeny one.

Mr. Feeny, this is my dad.

Oh...

Yes, well, uh...
we're very proud of Shawn.

- I'm surprised to hear you say that.
- So am I.

Hey, Shawny... Shawn's friend.

- So, Dad, what's going on?
- Uh... look buddy...

Did you...
did you kiss your mom this morning?

- Uh-huh.
- Good.

'Cause it's gonna have to
last you for a while.

What do you mean?

Your mother... she took off.

Oh, just go home and wait.
She always comes back.

Oh, not that easy.
This time she took the house.

See, that's the problem
with having a mobile home.

It's uh... uh...
You can move it.

- Maybe she went to get it washed.
- Yeah.

- So, what are we gonna do?
- We're going to go after her.

- You still got that keen sense of smell?
- Dad, I can't just ditch classes.

I mean...
I can, but shouldn't I tell somebody?

OK, but I gotta run before that little guy
with the mustache has a duck.

You. Your father, the cantaloupe man...
He's good people.

Mark my words.

- Shawn, you OK?
- Why wouldn't I be OK?

Oh... you mean because my mom
drove our home away?

Well... that vocabulary review
was exhilarating and revitalizing.

And to think I thought the SAT's
would be my bete noire.

Shut up.

Eric, you OK?

I'm sorry. I'm just so tense
from studying for the SAT's.

I've got this stiffness in my back and
all across my shoulders I just can't shake.

- Son...
- Yeah?

You have a coat hanger in your back.

- What?
- Watch this.

It's the greatest trick I've ever seen.

- What happened to you?
- Oh, Dad, I'm not doing very well.

You didn't go to college.
Why do I have to go?

Because someday
your son is going to have a career day.

And if you don't go to college,

your son's teacher is going to stand up
in front of all the cool parents

and say, "Here's the grocer."

Go to college.

Don't think I can.

Why try? What's the point?
We're all just gonna die anyway.

Well, aren't we nihilistic.
Or should I say, vacuitous.

If you're so smart,
how come you don't understand shut up?

See? You know something, Dad?
I'm gonna be OK.

I don't need college. I'm gonna do
very well in the outside world,

relying on my street-smarts
and natural instincts.

Aah!

- Hi! What's the matter with Eric?
- Oh, he put his hand on the stove.

Again?

(Eric) Ohh-ha-ha!

My fault. I left the iron on.

- So, tell me, how did career day go?
- Oh, terrific, terrific.

You remember the world series, where that
first baseman let that ground ball

- dribble through his legs?
- Uh-huh.

I envy him.

Come on, it couldn't have gone that bad.

You know, I have worked very hard
to become a respectable family man.

And this morning, I realized I'd
passed way beyond respectability

and I've soared all the way up to boring.

- Says who?
- Amy, I manage a supermarket.

I sign for deliveries, I approve checks.

Alan, that's what you do at work,
but that's not all of what you do.

Besides, would I have married you
if you were boring?

Apparently.

I bet you Cory's very proud of you
and he can't wait to tell you.

Dad?

- What?
- Uh, did Shawn call?

Uh, no, Cor.
Why, something wrong?

Yeah, his mom took off.
He went with his dad to go look for her.

- Oh, poor Shawn.
- Well, hasn't this happened before?

Yeah, but...
this time she took his house.

- Not a good sign.
- (Eric) Aah!

Also not a good sign.

He's fine, he's fine!
Your son is fine.

He just needs some ice.

See, just as I promised.

No student conferences,
no George Feeny telling us what to do...

Just music, wine, candles...
and two consenting adults...

...consenting.

You know, Johnny, we've been seeing
each other now for... three months?

And I was just wondering...
where's this going?

Cold, I'm cold...

Jonathan, this time
we're gonna talk about it.

Absolutely, we're gonna talk.
No more avoiding it.

(knocking)

I did not plan this.

Hi, Mr. Turner.
Sorry for bugging you.

I, um... had a question.

Am I interrupting anything?
Hey, look, it's Miss Tompkins!

- Yeah, I know.
- Boy, you teachers sure work late...

Oh...

Sorry, Mr. Turner, but I didn't know
you guys had personal lives.

- Hunter.
- How ya doing?

- You wanna come in?
- But you've got company...

- It's OK.
- Kat, where you going?

Yeah, you don't have to leave.
Stay, we'll hang.

Another time.

- We'll talk.
- We'll talk?

I like her. Do you like her?
I like her.

Yeah, I do.

So, Hunter, what are you doing out so late?

Well, you know, uh...
my dad's out looking for my mom and...

I had this thought...

OK.

...about the homework.
You know that Forrest Hemingway guy?

- When do we get to read his stuff?
- Next year.

OK. Just checkin'.
I heard he was good.

You came all the way over here for that?

You're the English teacher.
I figured there was no one else I could ask.

I'm flattered.

Boy, you guys were really
having a dinner, huh?

- There's plenty left over if you're hungry.
- No... I ate and everything.

- I'll put it away?
- No, I might pick at it.

- Would a napkin slow you down?
- (grunts)

So Shawn, where you staying
until your father gets back?

Oh, a great place.
My dad gave me some money,

so I'm staying at the motel
down the street.

The one down on Seventh?

Are you sure you're gonna be
all right there?

Oh, yeah. The guy in the cashier's cage
gave me clean sheets and everything.

If you wanna save your money,
you could just crash here tonight.

Nah, I already paid the guy
five bucks to turn on the TV.

Have a seat on the couch.
Watch some free TV.

Give me a minute to clean up the kitchen
and I'll drop you off.

OK.

You know, you're going to be
staying down the road, you know...

feel free to drop by.
I mean, you know, we could eat,

we could talk... or not talk.
We could just hang, you know.

What's going on at home
can't be easy on you.

So, Shawn, I mean, you know,
anytime you just...

I talk, he sleeps.
It's like class.

George, what was I supposed to do?

His old man dumps him off
at this fleabag motel and takes off.

I was not about to wake the kid up
and take him back there.

- Where is he now?
- I dropped him off at the Matthews'.

Well, I'm sure Shawn's father...

Frightening man, isn't he?

I'm sure he'll be able to
find his way back home.

After all, if a pigeon can do it...

But I would be careful though, Jonathan.

It's a fine line between
authority figure and chum.

I know that, George, but come on...
Really, what would you have done?

I truly don't know.

Hey, guys!
Office hours?

Morning, Alan.

I'd like to say thanks again
for helping out at career day.

- I thought you were terrific.
- Anytime.

Those kids get rowdy, out of control,
you call me, I'll be happy to swing by

and sedate them.

Try it for years
and see how you feel.

- Could you come in here, please?
- I'll be there in a minute.

- Uh, now, please.
- What's the matter?

- Chet Hunter is here.
- Oh, Amy, that's not funny.

No, I'm not laughing either.

You guys mind if I join ya?

There's a couple of things
I'd like to say to the man.

Sure, come on.

- Jonathan?
- Yeah?

It's a fine line. Tread softly.

Yeah.

- So where are you staying tonight?
- Uh, motel's fine.

At least 'till my dad gets back.
Why don't you come over tonight?

We could skateboard in the pool
and they've got cable.

- We've got cable.
- Not like this place.

- You can't just live in a motel.
- Why not?

At least you know
it's not gonna drive away.

Listen, you know you could have
crashed here last night.

I know, I was fine.

I know you're fine,
I'm just... saying.

I don't know, just...
remember I'm your friend.

I know. It's OK, Cory,
you don't have to worry about me.

- Really.
- (Chet) Hey, Shawn, come on down, son!

See? My dad's back
and everything's great.

Teach, what you did for my boy last night,
well, I...

...just want to look you in the eye
and say thanks.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

'Cause the important thing is knowing that
my boy's safe and being looked after.

- Hey, Dad, did you find mom?
- I did. I did find her, but...

...she gave me the slip again.
You gotta respect that.

Now, to that end, I have something
on my mind -which is why I'm here.

- Thought I was why you're here.
- You are!

You are, you little Slim Jim.
That you are. This is all about you.

Johnny, look....
Uh... this is hard to say.

- I ain't always been the perfect father...
- Dad, it's OK.

- Adam, I consider you a friend...
- Alan.

I respect you. Yes, sir,
you are the heartbeat of America.

People can count on you.
You got roots.

- I like that.
- Where's this heading?

I need a favor.
My wife, Verna, she's...

...she's out there.
And my heart's out there with her.

Not to mention my wallet
and major credit cards.

But she is my wife
and go after her I must.

- And the favor?
- Take care of my boy.

Now you don't have to answer right now...
Well, yes, you do.

- Stay here? That would be great.
- Dad, why can't I just come with you?

Oh, come on.
The road's no place for a boy.

Especially with your mama out there
driving on it.

Nah, your place is here.
In school, with Teach over there.

In this house,
in the company of these fine people.

No pressure.

Chet, shouldn't you be asking Shawn
what he thinks?

- Whatever. It's fine with me.
- We're only talkin' a few days.

Couple of weeks, tops!
I'll call in every night.

So, what's the verdict, Your Honor?
Mrs. Honor?

Shawn, you know we'd be very happy
to have you stay.

- Alan?
- Of course.

Shawn, you have a room here
as long as you need it.

See, if my boy can't be with his own father,
I'm glad he can be with a good father.

And you, sir...
Why, you're are a good father.

He's fine... he's fine!
Don't panic, it's just a little nosebleed.

How long has that tree been out there?

Well, anyway, Alan...

If I can kick in to the house kitty,
why, you let me know.

I think we can handle it
'till we get coupons.

Even better.

Shawn, what do you say
we go move your stuff?

Oh, wait, it's already movin'.

Let's go get you a toothbrush
and a new shirt.

Teach...

Ma'am... Mr. Matthews...

It's Corky, right?

Yeah.

Hey, we're gonna be roommates, huh?
How great is that?

Think we're gonna find out.

I'll go get some clean sheets
for your cot, Shawn.

- Uh, Chet?
- Mm-hmm?

You're gonna be back
in a couple of weeks, right?

Texas women couldn't keep me from here.

You know, Alan,
Chet was right about one thing.

You're a good man.

- Dad?
- Um.

Uh, listen...

I never really thanked you
for coming to school yesterday.

Ahh... no problem.

Sorry I couldn't compete with that
guitar player and that foot doctor.

That's only because you left out
the most important thing you do.

- What's that?
- What you do after work.

I mean, around here -
for us, for our friends.

- Aw, that's nothing.
- It's everything.

I mean, I was thinking
I was the son of a grocer, but...

now I know what I really am is...

...well...
the son of my father.

Thanks.

I must say, I am reveling in the mastication
of these tasty comestibles.

Superlative victuals.

And the libations...

(both) Ya-ha!

Well, looks like your SAT preparation
is under control.

Totally copacetic.

I'm calmer, my senses are back,
I'm healing.

I'm actually starting to think
I'm gonna do pretty well on this test.

Only part that scares me
is that math section.

Hoo-hoo...

Uh... come again...

Math section.
Half the test is verbal, half is math.

- Half?!
- Yeah.

Like what? , percent?

Half... .

- I got no time, I gotta study--
- Calm down. Calm down.

- No, can't calm. Must panic.
- No, don't!

I hate SAT time.