07x05 - You Light Up My Union

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

This is so fun, the three
of us living together.

I know. Nothing
beats girlfriends.

What movies
did you rent?

Oh, I have Little Women,
Terms of Endearment,

and EverAfter.

I never got to watch
these kinds of films

when Eric and Jack
lived here.

I'm so glad to see a movie
without "Booty" in the title.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Good evening, ladies.

The boyfriends
have arrived.

Let the kissy-kissy begin.

Howdy!
Hi!

What are you doing here?
I thought I told you

we were gonna hang
in the apartment tonight.

I know, but I figure,
you and Angela here,

me and Shawn not here, it's
just not right. It's not.

Do that thing I like
on my ear.

Oh, that's the one!

Oh, yeah! All right.

Oh, that's...

Yes?

We were gonna
watch a movie.

Movie?
Dark.

Good. Movie good.

All right.
Let's see what you got.

Estrogen on Parade,
Put Down the Seat,

and These Shoes
or These Shoes.

Well... These are
all very lovely.

However, no.

Perhaps the ladies
are unaware of

Jennifer Lopez
vs. Carmen Electra

on Celebrity Deathmatch?

In pudding.

On ponies.

This was supposed to be
ladies' night, so if you...

No, ladies,
tonight is booty night.

Oh, yeah.

Mr. Feeny, thanks for
the job recommendation.

Manager of the
Student Union

is gonna look real good
on my resume.

Well, this is your
last year in college, Jack.

I thought the work experience
would be good for you.

Yeah, I know. It's kind
of hard to believe

this time next year,

I'll be out in the cold, cruel
world, trying to make it on my own.

Think you're
ready for it?

Yeah. Yeah,
I think I'm ready.

However, him,
I am worried about.

Hey, Melissa.

Classical Civilization course
got you blue, huh?

You know what you need? Bam!

A little more whipped cream
makes everything better, baby.

Oh, and you two!

Will you please just stop
dancing around each other?

You're dancing!
You're dancing!

You come here
every single day,

you sit across
from each other,

you stare at each other,
but nobody does nothing.

Well, you know something?
I'm gonna do something.

So here, I want you
to turn around,

I want you to
look at each other.

I want you to smile.
Come on, smile at him.

He's a good-looking guy. Smile at him.
All right, good.

Aw, that's so cute.
I want an invite, kids.

All right? Here.

Do something with
that, all right?

I don't want to
overstep my bounds,

but why would you recommend
him as my assistant manager?

Well, as you said,
it's a cold, cruel world.

A little preparation
is good for everybody.

Right.

I understand what
you're saying now.

You want him
to learn from me.

Well, I was hoping it'd be good
for both of you. That's good.

Mr. Feeny.

Eric Matthews,
businessman.

What do you think, huh?

Very impressive.
(LAUGHING)

What do you think?

Oh, Feeny,
that is you.

Really?
Really.

When the new Mrs. Feeny gets a
look at you in that sweatshirt,

they're gonna have to
hose her down, my friend.

Come on.
It's just a sweatshirt.

Still, that's a rather
masculine penguin, huh?

Perhaps for the right occasion,
might just fit the bill.

You know, that's only
. , plus tax.

What's the tax?

Uh, it's a percentage
of something,

but I'm not
really sure.

Eric, can I see you
for a minute, please?

Absolutely, boss.

You know something, Jack?
This working thing is great.

I think I'm really a
people person, you know?

Yeah, good for you. Listen, I don't
want to bust up on your people parade,

but take this to
the bank. Deposit it.

Whoo, the bank!
Right on.

Hey, you know what?

Thank you for giving me
this responsibility.

You can totally
trust me with this.

Give me the bag!
No, no, no, no, no!

I need that bank crap
on my resume.

All right.
Wait, wait, wait.

Just take it to the bank,
deposit the money,

and then come
right back.

Tell me what
you're gonna do.

I'm gonna take the money
to the bank, deposit it,

and come right back.

Very good.
Keep saying it.

Take the money to the
bank, deposit it,

and come right back.
Keep saying it.

Take the money to the bank,
deposit it,

and come right back.
Keep saying it.

Take my mom to see Frank,
clean my closet, take a nap.

Where am I?

Oh, yeah! (LAUGHING)

(MONKEY CHITTERING)

Sorry, Eric,
I just don't have enough.

Huh?

I was talking to my
friend here, little Eric.

He's a monkey.

The monkey's got
the same name as me.

You're named Eric? I'm named Eric.
Look at this.

And I'm the assistant
manager of Student Union.

(LAUGHING) I'm here
depositing , smackerinos.

Oh, hey, that's
a lot of money.

That's the kind of money
we no have, huh, Eric?

What do you need the money
for, Mr. Organ Grinder?

For his girlfriend,
Isabella.

He's got a little
monkey babe, huh?

She's still
in Milwaukee.

I no have enough money
to send for her.

Eric won't do his happy
dance without her.

Nobody wants to pay to
see a depressed monkey.

Oh, how much do you need
to bring Isabella here?

Let's see... There's
shipping, handling,

little monkey cage...
(MURMURING)

, smackerinos!

That is exactly
how much I have!

Oh, what a coincidence.

(LAUGHS)

Oh.

Oh, you know what?

I think you
should take this.

I can't let money stand in
the way of monkey love.

Really?

Oh! You're
a good person.

Now little Eric
won't be depressed

and we can earn
a lot of money.

Where can I find you
to pay you back?

At the Pennbrook University
Student Union.

We cannot
thank you enough.

Little Eric, show the
man your happy dance!

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

That's the same
as my happy dance!

This is some good
meat here, Shawn.

You know what's great
about girls?

Not yet.

They can never finish
a meal in public.

They always bring it home to their
refrigerators, like spiders.

Shawn, have you tried the
rib roast yet? Mmm-mmm.

Come here.

Trade you
for this turkey leg.

Okay.

Mmm, mmm.

Mmm! Delish!

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey!

To what do we owe
this free looky?

How did you get in here?

Mmm. Behold. A key.

Topanga gave
it to me.

Now we can come
and go as we please.

Great. I wish Topanga would
have told me about it first.

(SIGHS)

She didn't tell you?
Well, that's just wrong.

Well, now I just
feel uncomfortable.

This is very awkward.

You must think we're
like barbarians or something.

No, no, I'm sorry.
I just...

I was a little surprised
seeing you here,

eating my food,

which is mine.

But, you know,
they're your girlfriends,

and I'm not gonna keep you
from your girlfriends.

You're not?
No.

So, you want us to stay?

Yeah, I guess.

Then we need horseradish!

Red, not white.

Ugh, white! Ugh!

And we're gonna need
some macaroni and cheese.

Rugrats! Rugrats!
Not dinosaurs!

We got some
other stuff, too.

But we have
a list for you.

We put it in your underwear
drawer so you wouldn't miss it.

You were in my
underwear drawer?

Oh, yeah. Hey, who gets to see
that little purple number?

You know who gets
to see it, Shawnie,

is that boy
in the diary!

Oh, the purple
number is hot!

You went in my diary?
You read it?

Yeah, you're
a very bad girl.

You think if we saw you
in the purple underwear,

we'd scream,
"Oh, mama"?

(SHRIEKS)
Get out! Get out!

Out now! Out! Out!

Give me this!

Hey!

You can't kick us out.
We've got a key.

Not anymore, you don't.

Out!

Okay, wait a minute.
What's going on here?

How could you give him a key?
How could you not even ask me

if they could have a key?

Just us three girls. Remember
how it's supposed to be?

Oh, Rachel, you know
we got back together.

They ate all
of my food!

We needed carbos
for kissing.

They read my diary.

Oh, Rachel!

That's just not true.

But if we did,
you're a bad girl.

They went through
my underwear drawer.

Oh, Rachel, that's
just ludicrous, now.

Did you?

(SCOFFS)

He made me!

My name is Shawn,
and I have a problem.

Rachel, look how cute they
are when they're guilty.

Oh, come on. You cannot
be mad at these guys.

Apologize to her.

BOTH: We're sorry we went
through your underwear, miss.

Okay? Is that okay?

Now can they have
their key back?

No, it's not okay.

I feel like I don't
have any privacy.

I feel like I can't be
myself in my own apartment.

Hey, that's ridiculous!

You can go back
to being your bad self.

Oh, Rachel,
it's Cory and Shawn.

Cory and I
are getting married.

We're like family.

Is that the way
you want it?

Let's all be like family.
Come on.

Now can they have
their key back?

Fine.

We'll be like one
big happy family.

Don't you ever go near
her underwear drawer...

Ever again!

(BOTH STAMMERING IN DISBELIEF)

Never?

What?

Just once?
What?

Hey!

Hey. How'd it go at the bank?
So good.

Great. Give me the deposit slip.
Don't actually have one.

Why? Because I didn't
deposit the money.

Why? 'Cause I did
something better with it.

Why?

Because I gave it
to a monkey.

You gave it to a monkey.

I didn't actually
give it to a monkey.

I gave it to
the organ grinder

so he could send for the
monkey's girlfriend.

Hi. Little apology maybe?

How could I ever think
you could be trusted?

The money's not gone.

The organ grinder... He
promised he'd pay me back.

I did a good thing!

You were ripped off.

He gave me his word.

Grow up. Grow up.

When are you gonna grow up?

You are graduating in May.

No more me, no more parents, Mr. Feeny
to clean up your little messes!

This world is
gonna crush you!

I feel sorry for you, man,

but I'm not gonna let you
drag me down with you.

Hey!

Keep those lips
where I can see them.

I'm trying to run
a business here.

Go do it in your car.

Hey, Eric, our hot
chocolates ready yet?

$ .

I see that's
the advertised price,

but, uh, you haven't figured in
the brotherly discount of free.

Pay up, deadbeat!

It's a cold, cruel
world out there.

There's not gonna be people
around to clean up your messes!

I'm telling Mom.

Get to the point, Mr. Grisham,
I'm getting bored.

Hey, hey, hey, reader guy!

I'm sorry, does this... Mmm, no, no.
Does this look like a library to you?

(STAMMERING)
No, no, I...

"No, no. I was just... I was
just..." No, you're reading it.

You're reading it,
you buy it.

. . Cough it up.

Well, I...
Cough it up!

I don't have
any pennies.

Hey, hey, hey!
What?

Bank is closed!

I suppose I could
put it on a credit card.

Oh, fine!

Here.
Thank you.

What is this?
What is this?

You see this? You see your card here?
You see that?

(EXCLAIMS)

It's bogus.
It expired in !

That's "cardmember since,"
you moron!

What the hell's
wrong with you?

Eric, what are these
boxes doing here?

Come on, get them down to the storeroom.
Let's go.

You got it, boss.
Right away, right away.

One thing. Watch out for
that guy over there.

What did you do to him?

What? Oh, I told him
to be more responsible.

Come on, Mr. Feeny. I know when
you put him together with me,

you wanted a little bit of me
to rub off on him.

Well, it did.

He's efficient for the
first time in his life.

And he's better off
for it, too.

This whole student union is better
off for it, don't you think?

Frankly, Mr. Hunter, this
place gives me the willies.

May I help the next
person in line, please?

May I help the next
person in line, please?

Take this week's receipts,
go to the bank, deposit them.

How hard can that possibly be?

Please, I'm only
two payments behind...

I'm sorry.
There's nothing I can do.

But if you take my car,
I can't get to work.

I can't make any payments.

I'm the sole support
of my kids.

How do I drive
them to school?

All right.

I won't report this just yet
if you give me your word

that you can make payment
on time this month.

Her word?

Might I explain to you

what the inherent
value of her word is?

Zilch, zippo,
goose egg.

Why are you so mean?

Because, madam, this
is corporate America,

not Candy Land.

And as for you...

You were going to give this woman
some sort of charity, weren't you?

Yes. I'm tired of
cleaning up your messes!

You know what you're going
to amount to in this world?

Zilch, zippo,
goose egg!

I'm sorry. I'll change.

I'll be more like you.

No.

No, don't...
Don't be like me.

(SIGHS) Don't be
like me at all.

I'm sorry.
Excuse me.

Ma'am...

(SIGHS) You take this.
You need it.

You make your payment and
drive your kids to school.

I don't know
how to thank you.

I'll pay you back
as soon as I can.

Oh, no, no, don't worry about that.
That's not important.

That's not important.

This is all your
fault, Fenswegler.

Are you sure
we should be doing this?

Yeah, I feel kind of bad.

Rachel's alone
in the other room.

I mean, she was real ticked off
about the diary and stuff.

Look, you guys
apologized.

She understands that you guys
are our boyfriends,

and you have every right
to be here.

Yeah, you heard her, "We're
one big happy family."

Well, in that case... We got
a lot more kissing to do.

Hey, guys.

Hey, we were just...

Hey.
Fine.

Oh, don't stop
on my account.

Remember, we're
one big happy family.

You don't mind if I play
some music, do you?

(SULTRY BOSSA NOVA PLAYING)

Rachel,
what are you doing?

Dishes!

Don't stop.
Do the dishes.

Scrub-a-dub-dub!

Oh, don't you
love this music?

I do now.

Rachel, um,
isn't that a little cold?

No! She's not cold! No!
She's wearing slippers!

You guys have a little room
for me on the couch?

Yes.
Certainly.

Ow!

Cory!
Shawn!

BOTH: Sorry.

Stop looking at her!

Shawn!

Oh, how can you
be mad at these two?

They are so cute!

No, they are not cute.

They are pigs!

Oh, but it's cute when they look at my
underwear as long as I'm not wearing it?

No, but...

What about my diary?

What we were saying was that... Wait, wait!
I have a question!

Are you gonna do
the dishes some more?

Ow! Okay, okay.

We're leaving.

We are?
Yes, Cory.

Give me your key.

No!

What just happened?

We're not part
of the family anymore.

Okay, you're right. They're not cute.
They're pigs.

And we were insensitive.

We should have
considered your privacy.

No. I love
the guys, I do...

Yeah, they obviously
love you, too.

No, I just don't want to
be taken advantage of.

I think we should
set some boundaries.

Well, we've learned
our lesson.

Yeah. The guys have, too. I'm sure they're
thinking about it the whole way home.

Come on, Topanga.
Move out of the way.

I want to see the underwear!
Cory, let me look!

No! I haven't
seen anything yet.

Cory, you're almost married!

Almost!

You know what?
We're big pigs.

This is wrong.

Hey, hey, hey!

Same stirrer. Same stirrer.
Same stirrer.

Eric, it's okay.

No. You know something, Jack?
It's not okay. All right?

Share the Sweet'N Low.
Share it.

Sweet,

Low.

No, Eric, listen.

I don't want
you to change.

Come back, man.
Where's my old buddy?

He's dead. He's gone.

He was inefficient
and unprepared

for that cold, cruel world.
But you know what, Jack?

You did him a favor,
and you k*lled him.

Same stirrer!

How hard is that?

You know, this world
is only cold and cruel

because people like me believe you
have to be that way to succeed.

Well, you know
something, Jack?

I'm gonna succeed in it.

One napkin!

Eric... Eric, please, man.
I was wrong.

Just forget all
that, all right?

We don't want to be
any part of that world.

(SIGHS)

You knew that,
didn't you?

Well, I've lived in this
world a long time now.

I think I know it
fairly well.

So all this time, you didn't
want me to rub off on him.

You wanted him
to rub off on me.

I wanted both, Jack.

You see, it's not
enough to leave school

and just desire to succeed
in this cold, cruel world,

because then you simply
become a part of it.

You must also have the
desire to change it.

And to change it,

you need your fine mind
and his good heart.

Yeah, Mr. Feeny,
you saved the day.

Look, Jack, I'm gonna need the
day's receipts, all right?

I'll put them
in the cash register.

Don't have 'em.

Why not?

Because I gave the money to
someone who really needed it.

Please tell me you did not
fall for somebody's sob story.

Yeah, actually,
I did. I did.

You know what? I'm gonna be working
day and night here to pay that back.

But it's okay.

'Cause somehow I finally
found my priorities.

You know something, Jack? You're
never gonna see that money again.

You are as stupid
as I used to be.

(CHITTERING)

Hey, it's little Eric
and big Eric!

Little Eric, is that you?

And I got one more
surprise for everybody.

(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
Isabella!

(CHITTERING)

Here's that nice man
I told you about.

It's... It's you!
You came back.

I knew he'd come back. I knew he'd
come back. Didn't I say that, Jack?

Yeah. Yeah, you did.
You did good, man.

Well, of course I came back.
I gave you my word.

And here's the money
I borrowed.

Oh, you made
two monkeys very happy.

Oh, you're a good boy.

Don't ever change.

You're a good boy.
Don't ever change.

I'll try not to.

Okay?