05x09 - How to Succeed in Business

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

You know, that is exactly
the type of behavior

that is gonna get you fired
from the work-study program.

Nobody gets fired from
the work-study program.

Let's try and
have a good time.

They're not paying us
to have a good time.

Cory, they're not
paying us at all,

which is exactly why the
CEO of this company

is going to get a
photocopy of my butt.

They're paying
us in experience.

Working in
the mailroom?

You know, a lot of people in this
company started in the mailroom.

I began right where you're
standing years ago.

(LAUGHS) You see that?
And where do you work now?

Right where you're
standing. Move.

Forty-three years with
the same company. Wow.

You must really
love advertising.

Advertising? Is that
what they do here?

I like this guy.

He reminds me of me,
but more mature.

You know, Shawn, if it's a
role model you're looking for,

there's someone else in this very
room that you could look to.

Well, I don't see
anyone except you.

Yes, me. This corporate
world is my very essence.

Okay? And as I climb
the ladder to success,

I want you there
right with me.

Next to you?

Behind me. That's
how ladders work.

So, Shawn,
listen and learn.

Is that where you want to be,
upstairs with the big fellas?

Oh, yes,
very much.

Bon voyage.

Hey. How are you?

Hey. Good to see you.
Ooh, nice-looking family.

You've lost weight.

Shawn, what are you doing?

You never make eye contact
with senior management.

You have to know
your place. Observe.

Hi. How you doing?
Nice loafers.

See?

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Shawn, what are you doing?

Hey, I may not know
much about business,

but I do know that when a
phone rings, you answer it.

Hello. Keller-Marsden.

Uh, no, I don't see him.
Can I help you?

Shawn, hang up
the phone. Hang up.

What are you
yelling for?

Oh, my God, there's yelling.
Yell back.

If you were supposed to have
it today and it's not there,

don't you think that we
have a very good reason?

Mr. Becker,

we weren't going to send those
ads out until they were perfect.

Uh-huh.

You'll have them Monday.

No, no.
Thank you, Mr. Becker.

Cor...

Who are you?

His name
is George Feeny.

Shawn Hunter. Work-study program.
Who are you?

Tom Morris.
Vice President,

Keller-Marsden
Advertising.

Oh. You just got
a phone call.

I heard. I like the way
you handled Becker.

I did, too.

My temp didn't show up today, and
I could use somebody like you.

I work in the
mailroom with Cory.

Well, I want you
up here with me.

Wow! How about
that, huh?

Two hours on the job, and look
who's out of the mailroom.

ERIC: Mom.

Mom, get a life.

Eric, what are you doing? I've watched
this show for four years now.

I've never missed
an episode.

What do you mean,
get a life?

I just feel that
a woman like you

should be out doing
something productive.

Oh, yeah? What do you call
raising three children?

Done. Hatched. Raised.

Listen, Mom, I'm gonna give
you the same pearls of wisdom

you once gave me,
okay?

There's a whole
big world out there.

You go be part
of it, young man.

Well, there is one thing
I've always wanted to try.

Don't care.
Just go do something.

Thank you, Eric.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

(SOAP OPERA PLAYING ON TV)

She doesn't
love you, Victor.

Hey. How you doing?

(SIGHS) Things are a little
crazy, but I'm handling it.

Mr. Morris is still letting
you play assistant, huh?

Yeah. He even gave me
a little assignment.

It's a...
It's a toothpaste account.

And Mr. Morris wants to know
what teenagers are looking for.

Easy. Bacteria. I just
saved your job, pal.

Actually, I was thinking
that fresh breath is sexy...

No, Shawn, no. Okay?
Sex does not sell.

Focus on the bacteria, on the
gingivitis, on teeth falling out.

That's the pitch.

I don't know, Cor. I've
kissed a lot of girls,

and I gotta say,
I'm a breath man.

Shawn, this is
the business world, okay?

I know what
I'm talking about.

MORRIS: Shawn, toothpaste!
Let's hear what you got.

Bacteria.

Hey, bud.
Oh, sorry, buddy.

This seat's saved
for (INHALES) Monica.

What happened to
(INHALES) Bridget?

She found out
about (INHALES) Monica.

(SIGHS)

Oh, excuse me.
Is this seat taken?

Yes, Mom.

Mom?
Eric?

What are you doing here?
Am I in trouble?

I'm in creative writing.

But this is
creative writing.

Oh, I had no idea this was your class.
(LAUGHS WEAKLY)

But, well, you said to get
out there in the world,

so here I am,
back in school.

Hey, maybe we could all
have lunch together.

Your mom is,
like, so cool.

No, she's not.

Look, Mom, when I said get back in
the world, I meant, like, the mall.

Eric, I'm in
creative writing

because I always
wanted to write.

And your words
really inspired me.

I was hoping
you'd be happy for me.

Happy. I am.
I'm happy.

Yeah. Who wouldn't be happy
going to school with their mom?

Look, at least
scoot down one, okay?

The seat's saved
for (INHALES) Monica.

Gotcha. You won't even
know I'm here. Yeah.

Hi. Oh, you must be Monica.

Eric, she's
really pretty.

Hi. Who are you?

I'm Eric's mother.

Sit up straight, dear.

So then the senator told me that
he really liked what I said,

and now it's
going to be a law.

I know what you mean.
Why, here in the mailroom,

I suggested that we start
using self-adhesive stamps.

Well, what'd they say?

"Yeah, whatever."

Cory, you'll work your
way out of the mailroom.

Don't bet on it.

Who's that?

My boss.

Where's Shawn?

You know,
he's upstairs.

Look, Cory, I hope you're
looking out for him.

He really
looks up to you.

Isn't she cute?

Like a young
Nancy Sinatra.

Hey.

Shawn, you're back
in the mailroom.

Listen, they shouldn't have put you
in a job you weren't ready for.

Actually, I pitched my sexy breath
idea, and Mr. Morris liked it.

He liked it?

Yeah. I guess you're not the
only one with good ideas.

You know,
I don't get it, Phil.

All he did was
pick up a phone.

Was it ringing?

Yeah.

He's a smart kid.

"And as I turned
the corner

"and walked down that
road, it occurred to me,

"either I was going the wrong
way, or that semi truck was,

"but that's life.

"And it's all we have."

Thank you.

Thank you, Eric.

Next, we will
hear from Amy.

Oh.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(EXHALES)

Um, "A Young Married Woman,
by Amy Matthews."

(SNICKERS)
Oh, this is great.

A thousand words
on dryer lint.

"The wedding was over.

"I was and about to
embark on a new life.

"The hotel suite was
as lovely as a picture.

"Alan walked toward me,
and I began to tremble."

Oh, my God.
"My lips..."

(RINGING)

Uh, hello. Tom Morris' office.
Can I help you?

No, he's still in the...
The bathroom.

Uh, well, sir, we were gonna
send it to your office today,

but it wasn't good.

Hello?

No, please don't yell.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Who was that?

Uh...

That was Mr. Davis
from Brock Toys.

Well, what
did he want?

Well, he said something about moving
his account to another agency.

Hey, why don't I do a lunch run, huh?
Falafel?

Shawn, want to get Davis
back on the phone?

Uh, Mr. Morris...
Look, nothing personal,

but maybe this isn't the
right place for you.

You better
pack your things.

I have Mr. Davis
on line two.

Sir...

What am I
supposed to do?

Well, not everybody's cut
out for the business world.

(DOOR OPENING)

Cory, I'm...

I'm sorry.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC
PLAYING ON TV)

Oh, Susan Lucci, how do
you not win an Emmy?

(CHUCKLES) Well, somebody looks like
he just got canned from work-study.

I did.

You're kidding.

No.

(SIGHS) Oh, boy.

(EXHALES)

Well, you know, not every
person is right for every job.

(CHUCKLES)
Dad, I know,

but I was supposed to be the
one to succeed, not Shawn.

Everyone knows that.

Well, maybe you ought to give
Shawn a little more credit.

I mean, if he's doing well,
you should be happy for him.

No, I am happy for him,
but what about me?

You know, if I don't succeed
in the business world,

the future of this country
looks very bleak.

Stop putting so much
pressure on yourself.

You know
you'll do fine.

What are you
doing here?

I was just having lunch with
Mr. Davis from Brock Toys.

What exactly did
you say to him?

I don't want to
talk about it, okay?

If you'll excuse me,
I was about to take a nap.

Why, I just came by with some
news that may cheer you up.

I'm listening.

Well, I talked
to Morris,

and he agreed to let you
come back to the agency.

Really?

Yeah, but you're gonna
have to take a drug test.

They think you're
a little "wound."

They want me back.

This has got
to be a mistake.

Don't tell me you're not
qualified for this job either.

I'm supposed to be
an executive, Phil,

making important
executive decisions.

You will. Now, here are the
deodorizers for the toilet.

You decide how many
to put in each one.

I'll give you a hint.
It's less than two.

No, no, I...
I won't do it.

Okay, listen,

the work-study program is
supposed to prepare you for life.

Where's the lesson
in this?

The lesson is that you do
whatever they ask you to do,

and you do it as
well as you can.

Oh, come on,
you're a good kid.

Oh, don't take home the toilet paper.
They check cars.

Cory, what are you doing
dressed as a janitor?

I don't know, Shawn.
You tell me.

Well, I thought they gave you your
old job back in the mailroom.

No. This is my job.

You're kidding.
No.

So that's the toothpaste
campaign, huh?

Yeah.

Looks like I was wrong.
Sex does sell.

Just a different
way to go.

Hey, Shawn,
I spilled my coffee.

You want to get the guy
to clean up that mess?

I'm the guy.

Hey, bud.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Amy.

Amy? Her name is not Amy.
Her name is Mrs. Matthews.

So, what are
you guys doing?

I had a little trouble with
my writing assignment,

so Amy offered
to help.

By the way, that last
paper you wrote,

I couldn't stop
thinking about it.

That's because
it was smut!

"My lips quivered." It was filth!
It was squeamy filth!

Eric, the teacher
gave Amy an "A."

He's dirty, too.

Well, I think he's really
going to like my next paper.

Let me see this.
Let me see this.

"An evening in Cape Cod."
Now this is more like it.

"As Alan touched me,
my lips began to quiver."

Don't you do
anything but quiver?

Oh, my God, you do.

Give me that.

Mom, college is my time.
You shouldn't be here.

You should be at home raising your kids.
They're not done yet.

I've been a mother and a wife for
most of my life, and I've loved it.

But I need
to be more.

And if you're
uncomfortable with that,

then you're right,
I shouldn't be here.

Mmm.

Mmm!

Mmm?

Oh.

Oh!

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, well, okay.

Whoo!

Well, what
do you think?

Amy, it's some of the most provocative
fiction I have ever read.

It's all true, George.

Oh, dear.

Well, nevertheless,
you have a lot of talent.

I mean,
as a storyteller.

Well, it doesn't really matter,
'cause I'm dropping the class.

Eric shouldn't have to be embarrassed
by having his mother with him.

You can't
do that, Amy.

Why are you
calling me Amy?

Because that's
your human name.

I reread
your paper,

and I realized that you're more
than just a mother and a housewife.

You're also a really
good storyteller,

and you should... You
should come back to class.

Really?

Yeah. And if that's
what you want to do,

you should come back, and you
should really keep writing.

That means so much
coming from you.

Mom, your paper was so good,
and I was so proud of you,

that I sent a copy
to Grandma.

Mother?

Oh, dear.

Cory, look,

I know it's awkward for you to be
doing so much better than Shawn,

but this dinner has been
planned for a long time, okay?

We just won't
talk about work.

Okay.

Hey, you guys.
These are for you.

Let's put them
in water.

Hey.

Cory.
Hi.

I'm... I'm glad you came.

Why wouldn't I come?

I was invited for dinner,
so I'm here for dinner.

Where's my dinner?

Cory's right.
Why don't we eat?

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Aren't you going
to get that?

No, it's...
It's just the fax.

They gave you a fax.

Why didn't they
give you a fax, Cory?

Well, at my level, they don't fax you.
You just know.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

What's that ringing?

Nothing.

A cell phone?

The... The company
gave it to him.

Good for you, Shawn.

Yeah. They also
gave him a credit card.

Oh, a credit card, too.

Cory, the company gave Shawn a
cell phone and a credit card.

What did they
give you?

They gave me these.

Cory, they look
like janitor's keys.

Yeah, they are.
I'm a janitor, okay?

It's all out in the open now.
I hope you're happy. Thanks.

Cory, there's nothing
wrong with being a janitor.

Cory. Cory, look, I didn't
want any of this to happen,

but it did, okay?

I really want
to enjoy it.

Shawn, no one's
stopping you.

I can't enjoy this because
of what it's doing to you.

Because it's k*lling me!

Okay? All of my life, you're
the one that messes up,

I'm the one that
cleans up after you.

That's the way
it's always been.

I know.

For the first time, I'm
doing something on my own.

And it feels good.
It feels really good.

Well, I mean, it's
supposed to feel good.

You did great.

I guess for
the first time,

I'm just jealous of you.

Of me?

Cory, stop putting so much
pressure on yourself.

Everyone knows you're
going to be fine.

I'm sorry
I underestimated you.

I'm real proud of you.

Yeah, well,
I'm proud of you, too.

For what?

Well, you know the executive
washroom on the th floor?

I heard Keller say to Marsden
that it's never been cleaner.

(LAUGHS)

That was me.

So, Eric, are you okay with having
your mom stay in the class?

Sure. We had
a little discussion,

and she promised no more revealing
stories about her and Dad.

I'm going to miss those. Especially
the one in the elevator.

(INTERRUPTING)

Amy, would you like to read
us your latest short story?

I'd be glad to.

All right, Mom!

(SIGHS) "A Mother's
Struggle, by Amy Matthews.

"After hours of
screaming and sweating,

"my bundle of joy, Eric,

"gallantly made his way
through the birth canal."

(ALL GROANING)

Hey, hey, hey, hey!