04x18 - Uncle Daddy

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Boy Meets World". Aired: September 1993 to May 2000.*
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A coming-of-age comedy follows Cory as he juggles school, friends and romance.
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04x18 - Uncle Daddy

Post by bunniefuu »

Hope I'm not getting
mixed signals here.

'Cause I'd hate
to think the fact

that you're a few years
older than me
is putting you off.

I mean, what is age,
really?

Just shut up.
You're winning.

Well, in that case,
what's your tomorrow
look like?

Ooh. Three days in a row.

Well, I don't know.
That's starting
to sound kind of serious.

I mean,
how well do we know
each other, really?

Okay. Well, let's start
with me.

Well, that's
pretty much it.

Now tell me about yourself.
I wanna know everything.

Everything?

Yeah, everything.

Okay. Uh...

Why don't we go back
to my place?

Yay.

Eric, if you're gonna have
a relationship with me,

there's somebody else
that you're gonna have

to have a relationship
with as well.

KELLY: This is Diana.

Oh, no. This is
too good to be true.

You're vampires,
aren't you?

Okay, go ahead.

No, no. (CHUCKLES)

Diana is the babysitter.

Ooh, role-playing.

Okay, I wanna be
the commander-in-chief
of the allied armies.

No, Diana is
my babysitter.

Ah! Okay, I get it, yeah.
Diana's my babysitter.

Hi, Mommy!

Oh.

Uh, Mommy,
that would be, like...

Eric, I would like for you
to meet my son Ryan.

You know, Cor,
I think I'm developing
quite a knack

for these scholastic
aptitude tests

or as I prefer
to call them, SATs.

Okay, okay, here's
another one. Verbal.

It's how you talk and stuff.
Keep 'em coming.

No, Shawn, listen
to the question, okay?

Okay. "Perigee
is to apogee

"as zenith
is to A, nadir,

"B, cortex,
or C, sulfur?"

Uh...

(GROANING)

(BABBLING)

A, nadir.
I'm right, aren't I?

Yeah.

First two times
I took the SATs,
put down sulfur and cortex,

and we saw how well
that worked for me.

So a third date
with Kelly tonight.
How'd it go?

Uh, she took me back
to her apartment.

(LAUGHING) Wow! Details.

Okay, nice apartment,
hardwood floors, little kid,
overlooking the park.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Eric.

How did she
get an apartment
overlooking the park?

Cor, I said she has a kid.

Now, does she get
the afternoon sun
and everything?

Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory,
if I'm gonna involve you
in these adult conversations,

you're gonna have to pick up
on little key phrases
like "she has a kid."

A kid, huh?

Yeah.

Well, that kind of
complicates things,
doesn't it?

Yeah. I mean, I guess,
but we really like
each other.

That's all that
matters, right?

I mean, she's out
in the real world.
So am I.

Got a good job,
got me a nice house.

I frankly think
I'm ready for
an adult relationship.

Well, that's great.
So what do
Mom and Dad think?

I'm too scared
to tell 'em.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Eric.

Hi, Kelly.

Flowers.

Oh, thank you.

Here you go.

Thanks.
Come in. Come in.

Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT)

Wow. I didn't expect
to see you again.

Why not?

Well, it's just that when
most guys find out about...

I'm not most guys.

See, I... I have
a little brother and
a little sister, you know?

I'm used to
being around kids.
I love kids.

Having a kid brother
and sister of your own
is a little bit different

than being around
someone else's kid.

Ryan isn't
someone else's kid.
Ryan's your kid.

I can't wait to get
to know him, too.

I'm so glad I met you,
Eric Matthews.

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

Hello, sir.

Sir? No, buddy,
it's Eric.

Remember, I met you
the other night?

Well, he gets
a little shy
around new people.

Well, not around me.
Hey, tell you what.

Why don't you and me go out,
we'll grab a burger?
We'll even take your mom.

Mommy, wanna come with us?

Well, I suppose,
but you gotta put your
sweater on first, mister.

I don't wanna.

Ryan, I'm not asking you.
Put your sweater on.

No.

You know
something, buddy,

I happen to know something
about this sweater
I bet you you don't.

This sweater was made
by a magic genie.

(SOFTLY)
Are genies still hot?

Keep going.

So this genie made
this sweater special,

and anybody who wears it
can fly.

Gimme a break.

Fine. Don't fly.
Take the bus.

Yeah, sure.

Kids like buses.

ERIC: There we are.

See? This sweater
isn't magic. I can't...

You're flying!

Whoa! Whoo-hoo!

Whee!
Uh-oh. We've got
engine failure.

We're going down.

(IMITATES PLANE CRASHING)

Do it again.
(LAUGHING)

All right, children,
Mommy's hungry.
Let's go.

All righty.
Oh, I know this really
nice restaurant.

I don't know about kids
in nice restaurants.

Oh, don't worry
about this place.

While some may see it
as elegant and romantic...

...others see it
as the perfect place
for kids.

Can I go play
that pinball machine?

Well, sure. I just
happen to have a pocket
full of quarters here.

Thanks, Eric.

You're welcome, buddy.

Okay. What's wrong
with you?

What, the quarters?
I do my own laundry.

No. You say
all the right things,

you're good with Ryan,
you are cute as heck,

and you're not
running away.

Where would I run to
that's better than this?

See? Stop saying
those good things.

Well, I'm sorry.
It's the truth.

I mean, all the girls
I've dated, they seem
so young, you know?

They're still trying to
figure out what they want to
do with their lives.

You, you're well-grounded.
You have a kid.

I mean, you're responsible
for a whole 'nother life.

Well, having Ryan
has definitely been
a blessing in my life,

but at this point
in your life,

is that something
that you want?

(PINBALL MACHINE CLANKING)

That's where my life
is going.

So...

Tell me about
your family.

Ooh, my family.
Okay, um...

Well, I have
a younger brother, Cory,

and I really like
the kind of guy
he's turning into.

You know, I really like
hanging out with him now.

Hey, Eric.

Not now.
Get out of here.

Where's the baby?

Get out of here now.

Hi, Kelly. I'm Cory,
and this is Shawn.

No, really.
Where's the baby?

What? I think
it's a valid question.

He's back there
at the pinball machine.

Oh, do you mind
if I go over there
and play with the baby?

He's okay.

So, listen, Eric.
Me and Shawn
are going to a movie.

You guys wanna come?

Oh, definitely.
How about it, Kell?

I've gotta
get Ryan to bed,
but you guys go ahead.

Eric, listen.
You do not wanna
miss this one, okay?

It's Jim Carrey
and Steven Seagal

starring in What Are
You Doing In My Movie?

Yeah, but it's all
about priorities, Cor,

and, frankly,
mine are changing, so...

If you don't mind, I'd like
to come home with you
and maybe read Ryan a story.

He'd like that.

If angle A has a sine
of degrees,

what is the cosine
of angle B?

Oh... I...

(MUTTERING)

(GROANING)

You did that just
so we could be alone?

Mmm, why would
you say that?

Oh, the ear thing.

Hey, you take those SATs
six or seven times,

you start losing
that lovin' feeling.

You know what, Eric?
Maybe the eighth time's
a charm for you.

I mean, why don't you,
you know,
improve your scores,

take the SATs again?
You could go to college.

I mean, you are still
thinking about
college, right?

Mmm, maybe I'll
get around to it,

but right now,
I'm happy with my life.

I mean, I got a good job,
good girl, good kid.

Yeah, my life
is coming together.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

How was your night?

Okay, I'm gonna go now.
Your dad is scaring me.

No, no, no.
You don't have to
go anywhere.

Everything
is just fine.

Good night, Topanga.

Bye-bye.
I'm coming, too.

You, stay.

(STAMMERING)
I thought you guys
were going out.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Oh, we did.
We got about three blocks,

(LAUGHING) and then
the funniest thing happened,

except it really
wasn't that funny.
We ran out of gas.

Now, who had
that car last?

Good question, Amy.
I think I know the answer.

Could it be Cory?

We got a little rule
around this house, Cor.
I'm sure you know.

He who has the car last
fills the t*nk with gas.

Yes, I know, sir,
but I'm sorry,
because I forgot.

Well, you're about
three blocks
too late for sorry.

No car for a week.

Do you know, he could have
at least let me explain.

Why? What'd you have?

Nothing. I got nothing.

You know, Cor,
I was once a son myself.

I'll go in there
and try to straighten
it out for you, okay?

Thanks, Eric.
Great.

Oh, Dad, I can't believe
the way Cory was laughing
at you behind your back.

(HORN HONKS)

Whoop, there's Kelly.
Better get going.

Whoa, wait a minute.
You guys have been
going out for a while,

and we still
haven't met her.

You should invite her
to come in.

Uh, you know, Mom,
we're really in a hurry.

Kelly, hon, come on in!

You know something?
We're really in a rush.

What's the matter?
Afraid I'll say something
to embarrass you?

Hi. I'm Kelly.

Attaboy!

Hi. It's nice
to meet you.

I'm Amy.
This is Alan.

Hello, Kelly.
Hi.

Oh, and this is Ryan.
He's my son.

Uh, did you hear that, Amy?
They've got a son.

It's very nice
to meet you,
both of you.

So, can I get
anyone a drink?
A, uh... Juice box?

Eric, why didn't
you tell them?

Um, it's easy.

Mom, Dad, Ryan.
Ryan, Mom, Dad.

Now that we've all met,
laser tag.

Mr. and Mrs. Matthews,
this is my son.

His name is Ryan.
He's six years old.

He's in the first grade,
and he is
the love of my life.

Did I hear laser tag?
Can I come, too?

Well, actually, honey,
they're kind of on a date.

So? She's bringing
her brother.

She's my mom.

Well, then
I'll bring my mom.

Okay, whoever wants
to come can come,

but for the love of God,
no more talking, okay?

Well, it was very nice
meeting you all,

but we should
get going.

But I hope to see
you guys again.

It was very nice
to meet you, Kelly,

and you're welcome
here anytime.

Sorry I thought
your mom was your sister.

It's okay.
Happens all the time.

Come on, kid.

You know, Eric, why is Dad
going so nuts on me
about this whole car thing?

You? He's been all
over me about Kelly,

and it's only
been five dates.

It's not like
I'm planning my big June
wedding or anything.

Yeah.

You're wearing
a tuxedo.

What are you saying?

Eric, listen,
why don't you take
the SATs, okay?

We could take them
together, you know,
help each other out.

Ah, my little Cory
with your
get-smart-quick schemes.

No, my friend, for me,
the good ship S.S. SAT
has sailed.

So that's it, huh?
No college.

It's not like I'm ruining
my life or anything.

I'll just move on
to what I would've done
after college.

Secret Service guy?

You read
my secret dossier?

What?

Good night, guys.
Cory.

Hope you understand
why I took away
your driving privileges.

Yes, Dad.
I completely understand.

So can I have the car
tomorrow night?

You're kidding, right?

No. It's been
a couple days.
Why not?

I mean, why can't I have
the car tomorrow night?

I said a week.
And I said I was sorry.

Am I not being clear?
A week!

Take off my tuxedo.

Oh, but I'm so cute.

You know, between
the two of you guys,
I got...


Nothing.

You know, he is
taking this Dad stuff
way too seriously.

You know something, Cor,

I've learned something
in all the time
I've spent with Ryan.

The key to a successful
father-son relationship

is friendship,
communication,
and trust.

And occasionally,
you throw in
a Tootsie Roll.

So what do we do now?

What do we do now?
We sit now, buddy,
if that's okay.

I think sitting's
the only thing
we haven't done all day.

Can we go to the zoo?

Go to the zoo?
We already went to the zoo.

Remember, I had to jump
into the ocelot cage

to get your Sixers hat
from the game we went to?

You were scared.
You ran fast.

Yeah, well, I thought
the ocelot was part
of the gerbil organization.

They were leopards.

Yeah, I know they're
leopards, but you told me
they were gerbils.

I did. (LAUGHS)

Yeah. That's funny, huh?
(LAUGHING)

And that is why
we're sitting now, buddy.

I don't mind sitting.
You're gonna sit
with me, right?

Yeah, pal.
I'm gonna sit with you.

Hey, Eric.

Oh, hey, it's the baby!

Aren't you adorable!

You get a Tootsie Roll.

Oh, thanks.

Okay, Topanga.
Me and Cory against you,

and you are going
dow-how-hown!

Oh, well,
that's real fair.

Eric, you wanna
be on my team?

Topanga, I take my
babysitting responsibilities
pretty seriously.

One quick game.
Can I?

You said you were
gonna be with me.

Oh, I am gonna be
with you, buddy.

I just wanna play
one quick game with them.

Can I be on your team?

Actually, you're still
a little too short to see
over the table there, pal.

You'd rather be
with them?

No. It's just that
I've been with you
all day, buddy.

It's okay. You can
go play with them.

Hey, you are the coolest,
buddy. Tootsie, huh?

CORY: Okay. I'll break.

So, Eric, what'd you
and your baby do today?

Oh, we did just about
everything there is
to do in the world.

Cory, you have no idea
how adult you look
to me right now.

Can I have some
ice cream, please?

Ice cream? Sure, buddy.
Not a problem. Here you go.

Thanks.
For everything.

(CHUCKLES)
You're welcome, pal.

Eric, it's your sh*t.

My sh*t. All right.
(GROANS)

So, when are you guys
actually taking your SATs?

A week from Saturday.

(EXCLAIMS)

I thought he knew.

Actually, I told him
that there were no SATs,

and that Saturday
was just cake day
at school,

and perhaps
some creme brulee.

BOTH: Mmm!

Okay, why don't
we do this?

Why don't we
do the -ball

in whatever pocket
it decides to go into,
all right?

Come on, Ryan!
Come check
this sh*t out, my friend.

Ry?

Ryan?

Where'd he go?

The baby's gone?

I yelled at him.
I can't believe
I yelled at him.

Eric, it's fine.

He's in bed.
He's sleeping. It's over.

I flipped out.

I found him sitting
outside on the curb and...

I started
screaming at him.

I took my eye off him
for one minute,
one minute,

and anything
could've happened.

How do you do this
every day?

I do it because
I love him

and because he's my son.

Eric, you're the one
with the choice here.

You know,
I was with him all day.

I just wanted
a minute to myself
and he got so upset.

Yeah, but he's not
upset at you.

He's upset at not having
a full-time father

every minute of every day,

you know, to make up
for what he lost.

He needs so much.

Yeah, he does.

Eric, you are gonna be
such a great dad.

But when you're ready.

(SIGHS) Just because
I'm a mom doesn't mean
that you have to be a dad.

Kelly, I'm not looking
to get out of this.

I know that, Eric.

But listen to me.

You still have so many
options available
to you in your life.

Take advantage of them.

Eric, you know I'm right.

You're dumping me.

No. I just think that
the fair thing would be

to get out of this
before anybody
gets too attached.

I see.

I let you down.

No. No, Eric. The only way
you could've let me down

is if you had stuck around
just to be a nice guy.

You wouldn't have been happy.
Neither would we.

Kelly,

I'm not looking
to get out of this.

Well, you know
where we live.

RYAN: Mommy, I need you!

(SIGHS) I gotta go, Eric.

Bye.

MAN ON TV: The forecast,
mostly sunny skies today,

with brisk easterly winds,
expect a high...

(WHISPERING) Yes.

Hey, Mommy, Daddy,
how you doing?

Look at you two.
Watching TV.

Ooh, these eyes.
Be nice to look
at something

other than a book,
don't you know?

We know
you took the car.

Uh, sorry, guys.
Listen, my friends
needed a ride.

You weren't around.
It was late...

I don't care.
I told you a week.
You took it anyway.

You just bought
yourself two weeks.

Dad! My friends
needed a ride, okay?

It was late.
Why are you
treating me like a kid?

'Cause you are a kid.

Eric, this is none of
your business, okay?

You know something?
You're right. It's not,
because I am not a dad.

But I do know he's got
a tough time raising us,

and I know that
we don't make it
any easier.

You think he likes
yelling at us?

You think he likes when
you do something wrong?
He doesn't. He hates it.

And he can't keep
his eye on us every second.
Now, go to your room!

Dad, are you gonna
let him just...

Go to your room.

Well, maybe you are
ready to be a dad.

Hmm. She dumped me.

I'm gonna go upstairs
and study for my SATs.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hi. How are you two
this evening?

Well, you're home
a little late this evening.

Yes, we are.
Isn't that interesting?

Cory, don't make
a big deal of it.

No, no, no.
I just wanna know.

Who had the car last?

Him.

Really?
Mmm-hmm.

Dad did,
don't you know?

Cory, let it go.

No, no, no.
I just wanna know

what happened
to that house rule.

Um, you know,
the one that goes,

"Whoever had
the car last puts
gas in the t*nk."

Sorry, Cor. I forgot.

Well, Alan, you're about
seven blocks late for sorry.

Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.

You're out
with your girlfriend.

You legitimately
run out of gas.

You push the car
back seven blocks
just to yell at me?

No. I just wanted to explain
why we were home so late

and to say thank you.

Cory!
And thank you, too.
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