04x12 - Easy Street

[bunniefuu]

"Two roads diverged
in a wood, and I...

"I took the one
less traveled by

"And that has made
all the difference"

Okay. Now, what
do we take from
this poem?

(SHAWN SNORING)

CORY: Yip-yip-yip-yip-yip.

(SNORING)

Yip-yip-yip-yip-yip.

(SNORING)

Yip-yip-yip-yip-yip.

Interesting.
In my class,

Mr. Hunter handles
the yipping.

Shawn! Shawn,
it's both of them.

Oh, no. Now I don't
know which class
I slept through.

Mine, Hunter. Remember,
The Road Not Taken?

A remarkable poem
in which the poet
tells us

that we make
choices in life,

and each choice
puts us on
a new road

that can have
a profound effect
on our destinies.

How does a poem
about a guy on two roads

have anything to do
with our lives

when we can't
even drive yet?

Isn't he fun?

I like to think of him
as job security.

Mr. Matthews, what
was your last choice
in your life?

Well, I did
just get a job for
Christmas break.

I'm a gopher at
Little Pauley's restaurant.

And I got me this
soft, cushy union job
down on the docks.

This year,
I'll finally be able
to buy nice presents

for my friends
and family.

All right. I want you
all to keep a journal

of the choices you make
over the next week.

Then I want you
to write a paper

on the potential
of those choices
to change your life.

Mr. Turner, what if
my choice is to not
do the assignment?

You want this one, George?

No, no. Your class.

I get them after lunch.

Well, then
you would get an "F,"
not get into college,

spend your time
hanging out at the local
convenience store,

waiting for them to
bring in a new batch
of lottery tickets.

And that would
change my life how?

Hey, Lonnie, uh,

this'll be your first
Christmas in the city, huh?

Oh, yeah. I'm really
looking forward to it.

Of course, it won't be
quite like Christmas
in the mountains.

Bet it's nice up there.

Oh, yeah.

While me and my brothers
are out back,
cutting down a tree,

Mama's in the kitchen
cooking a goose,

and baking pies
and cookies,

(VOICE BREAKING)
and everybody's all happy and
warm and loving each other.

I miss them so bad,
I could just cry.

Oh, that's right.
That's okay.

You just use me as
your handkerchief.

(SNIFFS)

And she did.

I never realized
how much I missed
my folks.

But now I live
in the city,

and there's simply no way
for me to be with them
this Christmas.

Yes, there is!

No, there isn't.

I will drive
you there.

It's miles.

Good!

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh! Thank you, Eric!

Who are you?

Hi. I'm Cory Matthews.

Sam over at the bar
hired me

to bring people drinks
and run errands part-time

because I wanted
to earn a little
extra money...

Stop talking now.

Yes, sir.

What's that?

Uh, cappuccino, sirs.

Sam at the bar
said I should
bring you some...

Sam at the bar

thinks he knows
what I like?

I would never...

Sam at the bar
has a tendency

to run off
at the mouth.

I don't like tendencies.
I don't like mouths.

You understand
what I'm saying?

I do, but I'm scared.

Who made this?

Who made this?

Answer him,
and choose your
words carefully.

I...

...did.

Hey, it's fantastic.
Try it and tell me
if I'm wrong.

I'll tell you
if you're wrong.

I'll tell you
if you're wrong.

You're right!
This is good.

(LAUGHS) All right. Well,
I did take the liberty

of adding
a dash of cinnamon.

This is for you, kid.

Wow! $ .

Keep slingin'
them cappuccinos,

maybe I come up
with another .

Then a-slingin' I'll be,

and if you gentlemen
need anything...

I'd like you
to accompany my
new young bride

to the beauty parlor.
You know,
keep an eye on her.

Well, I don't think
I can do that, sir.

Sam at the bar gave me
a list of things to do.

We'll clear it with Sam.

Don't worry about Sam.

Sam.
Sam.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Shawn.

A little breakfast?

Lunch. I'm on lunch.

It's :
in the morning.

I've been working
in the docks
since a.m.

Do you know how cold
it is at a.m.?

Nippy?

Yeah. Nippy.

Do you wanna watch me
break my ear off?

Sit, darling.
I'll make you
some hot chocolate.

I thought you said it
was easy on the docks.

Well, that's what it said
in the brochure.

So I show up
this morning,

and the wind-chill
factor is, like, Jupiter,

and I go up to the boss
and say, (MUMBLES)

and he goes,
"Yeah, but you
took the job."

And I go, (MUMBLES)

and he goes,
"That's nice.

"Christmas presents
for your friends."

And I said, (MUMBLES)

and he goes,
"Oh, look.
Turkish freighter."

And all of a sudden,
in comes a Turkish freighter.

Unexpectedly?

Out of the mist it came.

That's my wonderful
job, Cory,

: in the morning,
below,

unloading the same
Turkish freighter

that brought in
the Outbreak monkey.

Do you know something?

If I go, you go!

(SCREAMING)

Now you get no cocoa!

So, how's your job?

Well, it's tough.
It's very tough, Shawn.

It's brutal.

You got a cushy job.

Yes!

Yo, coffee boy,
if I might.

Watch me make bucks.

Yes, sir, Mr. Fountain.

Hey.

(BABBLING)

Oh, yes, of course.

There's the other part,
where I do something.

You take
this envelope.

You go to
the mailbox on
th and Pine.

And make sure
no one sees you.

Nobody.
Put this in there.

Okay, okay.
Now, you both know

how I'm not one
to ruffle feathers,

but, uh,
there is no mailbox
at th and Pine.

Today, there's
gonna be a mailbox
on th and Pine.

And Mr. Fountain
is never wrong about
mailbox placement.

Oh, okay.

Um, once again,
if I may,

if you really
want this mailed,

you should consider
putting a stamp on here,

and maybe even an address.

You're a noticer,
aren't you?

I noticed that
you're a noticer.

Not to worry.
This envelope is
definitely getting

to where
it's supposed to,
right, sir?

Do you have any idea
who you're working for?

Yeah. Mr. Fountain
and Mr. Martini and Sam.
(CHUCKLES) Sam!

Why? What's going on?

Nothing. Nothing.
Not a thing.

You're working
for the mob.

But the nice mob.

Yeah. Yeah,
the nice mob.

Come here.

(GROANS)

All right.
I have to quit.
I have to quit.

I can't work
for the mob.

Little more
cappuccino here.

Every time I try
and get out,

they keep
draggin' me back!

Mr. Fountain...

Yeah, what is it?

I quit.
Okay.

You can't keep
me here.

We'll miss you.

I, I don't like
to be threatened.

You made a fine
cup of cappuccino.

Thank you, thank you.

(STAMMERING)
But I gotta go. Bye.

Come on, let's go.
Okay, okay.
I'm coming.

Kid's a lunatic.

Look, about my friend.

Um... I know sometimes
he seems a little chatty,

but trust me,
he's a smart kid.

You don't have
to worry.

Loyalty. You're
loyal to a buddy.

I like loyalty
in a person.

I like it
on the stand.

You do?

Hey, Lou,
it looks like
we got

an opening
for a job here.

Hey, Mr. Loyalty,

are you
interested in a job?

Hey, Shawny boy,
you know what I got
a taste for right now?

Hazelnut biscotti, sir?

That's what
I was thinking.

Well, then
this worked out perfectly.

Hey, Lou, did
I tell you this
was a good kid?

Was I right?

So, Shawn,
you ever wonder

we got a nice restaurant here,
yet we have no customers,

but we make
a nice living?

I figure you do
a good take-out business.

Good take-out business?

Yeah, we do a good
take-out business.

Take-out business!
Take-out business!

(BOTH LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

Shawn!

Cory, what are
you doing here?

No. What are you
doing here?
You should be at school.

Oh, come on, man. Jobs
like this don't come
around very often.

You know that.
You worked here.

Yeah, but I quit
when I found out
that things

weren't, you know,
as the FBI
would prefer.

You know, this is just
a nice family restaurant
in a quiet neighborhood.

Nothing's going on here.

(LOUD BANG)

(CAR MOTOR STUTTERS)

That was a car backfiring.

Yeah. Yeah.
Looks like it was.

Then why are we
on the ground?

'Cause it's fun,

and we do
everything together.

Look, Shawn, we both
know a job like this

cannot lead
to anything good.

It doesn't lead
anywhere, okay?

It's just a job
for a couple days

so I can buy
decent presents
for my friends.

Yeah. I just worry
it's gonna change you.

It's not gonna
change me.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

What? What?

Never thought
this Christmas
I'd be driving

miles
with someone

who makes the whole
turnpike experience
seem so

alluring and voluptuous.

Eric, I don't want
to alarm you,

but I'm getting
this powerful feeling.

Really? Well,
we are in pretty
close quarters,

and that cozy
holiday spirit's
in the air,

and you are getting
the full impact of
my right profile.

We should stop the car.

Oh, goody.

Look, Eric,

you may be less
experienced about this,

so whatever I say
you gotta do it
without question.

Good.

I've always dreamed
about this.

You dreamed about
the blizzard?

Wha...

Eric, the feeling
I've been having

is that there is
a very big
and powerful blizzard

headed our way right now.

No. No, no, no.
A blizzard?

Just a few flakes
in a romantic
snowflake setting.

We're trapped
in an icy tomb
of frozen death!

It's just or feet
of dense pack.

Don't panic.
(WIND WHOOSHING)

You're right,
you're right,
you're right.

I work in
a wilderness store.

I sell survival equipment.

I think I know
what to do.

Mark everything up %!

How am I doing?

You're fogging up
the windows.

Now just calm yourself.

And protect you.

It is my responsibility
to protect you,

and protect you,
I will.

(GRUNTS)

I've hurt my head.

Ho ho ho,
my best friend.

What's this for?

Christmas Eve's
not till tomorrow night.

I know that, but
I just bought you

the best present
I ever actually
paid for,

and I wanted to see
your face light up

like a happy
little elf.

So, light up.
Light up, little elf.

It's a watch.

A very expensive watch.

Which I can't accept.

Why not?

Because of where
the money comes from.

I had it engraved
with your name.

"To my best friend Cory."

Shawn, thanks.

Hey, listen, now
that you finally bought

your friend a nice gift,

you can quit
your job, right?

Cory, it's easy money.

How can I quit
easy money?

Listen, I made $
working there.

You can have that.

That's even easier money.

All you have to do
is quit.

No, no. Spend it
on Topanga
and your family.

I'll see you around.

Shawn, wait.

You're still
gonna be here

tomorrow night for
Christmas Eve, right?

Yeah. Hey,
don't worry,
don't worry.

That's a tradition
I'd never miss.

Hey.

Yeah?

Thanks for the watch.

I appreciate it.

Not because of
what it costs,

but because of
who it's from.

You're welcome.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

He's okay.

He's just got
a little knock
on the head.

Hey, Mommy.
Hey, Daddy.

Oh, no. More horsey.

More horsey.

Eric, honey,
are you all right?

I thought you two
were on your way up

to Lonnie's
folks' house.

Never made it.
Ran into a nasty squall,
feet of snow.

We had to stay
in the car until
the plow dug us out.

It was no big thing.

How did he bump
his head?

Like this. (EXCLAIMS)

Well, you two
must be starved.

I'll go warm you up
some soup.

I'll get you
some blankets.

So, Lonnie,

how'd I save us?

Eric, I didn't wanna
scare your folks,

but we both nearly
d*ed back there.

d*ed?

When the snow fell
and the temperature
dropped below freezing,

I wrapped my arms
around you

and held you
as tight as I could.

No, you never did that.
I would've remembered that.

You were unconscious.

You were holding me

and I was unconscious?

Mm-hmm.
You were shaking
and shivering

and turning
all blue,

so there was only
one thing left
to do to survive.

You ate my leg?

No, Eric.

I had to warm up
your body,

so I remembered
the old trapper's trick.

I stripped your
clothes off of you,

and I stripped
mine off of me,

and I wrapped us
both up

in a tiny tight
sleeping bag
all naked.

(GASPING)

(CRYING)

But, Eric,
we survived.

So what.

Lonnie, when you're
surviving with someone
like that,

you have the common courtesy
to wake them up.

You kick 'em, smack 'em,

yell in their ear,
"Hey, we're naked!"

Here you go,

a hot bowl of soup
to warm you up.

Oh, great,
I'm awake for the soup.

Mr. Fountain, Mr. Martini,
the place is all cleaned up,

so if there's
nothing else,

I got a little
Christmas Eve thing
with my buddy.

Actually, there's one
more little favor

I need tonight.

Ooh, tonight's real tough
for me, Mr. Fountain.

Uh...

Two hundred dollars.

I want you
to take this box,

go down the street,

stand in front
of the warehouse,

car will come by,
a guy will ask for it,

you will give it
to him.

He will give you
an envelope.

You bring it
back here.

Now you do that
for us, kid,

and maybe we find something
a little more permanent.

How would you like that?

What are you doing here?

Come on, let's go.

You're working
much too hard.

Now, we're having
Christmas Eve over
at my house.

Nothing you're
doing here could be
nearly as important,

so come on.
Let's go.

I got paid for a job,

and I'm gonna do it.

Ooh, loyalty.

I like that

in a worthless
little coffee boy

who they don't care
if he lives or dies.

I've never had money
like that before, Cory.

It makes me feel
like somebody

to be able to buy
nice presents

for my family
and friends.

Yeah, I'm sure that's
a real nice feeling.

Hey, what's
in the box?

I don't know
what's in the box.

I have nothing to do
with this box.

I am merely
the box holder.

No, come on,
open it up.

I wanna see
what's inside.

I wanna see your
face light up

like a happy
little elf.

Open it up,
my little elf.

Cory, you know,
I don't wanna
spend my life

in front of
a convenience store

waiting around for
the next batch of
lottery tickets.

Shawn, he was exaggerating.

Yeah, well, it rang
pretty true to me.

So this is it.

This is the road
you're taking.

This isn't a road,
this is a box.

And as long as
I don't open
this box,

I don't know
what's in it.

There's a teddy bear
in this box.

Oh, a teddy?

Okay, okay, so come over
to my house,

we'll put the teddy
under the tree,

and at the end
of the night we'll play
a little game called

"let's guess
the street value
of the teddy."

How'd this get
so complicated
so fast?

I don't know.

I guess that's how
they get you.

They find a guy
who feels like he's
nowhere in his life,

and they make him believe
that where he should be

is on a street corner
holding a box

in the middle of
Christmas Eve.

Yeah, well, maybe
this is my street.

You know, maybe
no matter what I do,

this is where I end up
like that poem says.

No. No, see,
the poem says

you have choices
in your life.

And every choice you make
means something.

I mean, Shawn,
we're only years old,

and we got fooled
by a couple of guys

who look like
our uncles.

I mean, do you see
how easy it is

to end up on
the wrong road?

Yeah, and I knew
all about them, too.

I didn't walk away.

You see, I figured
I'd just get them
some coffee,

make some money,

and get out before
it got to this.

Then why are you here?

I don't know.

I guess I thought
I was one of those
street-smart guys.

But now,
I'm a little scared.

You know, Shawn,
I didn't see this
coming at all.

I mean, I thought
the devil was
supposed to be

some guy with horns
and a big tail.

Cory, it's Christmas Eve.

You should be
with your family.

No.

No, see, that would be
the wrong choice.

See, the difference
in the poem

is that that guy
had to choose
his road alone.

So you don't think
he had a best friend?

No, I guess not.

But according to this,

you do.

"Two roads diverged
in a wood..."

And I choose the one
that leads back
to your house.

Good.

We should probably
take this back first.

Wouldn't it be funny
if there really was
a teddy bear in there?

Yeah.

Don't you wish life
was like that?

I'm beginning
to see

that it's not.

Oh!

This is exactly
the shirt I saw
in that window

and told you I wanted
and made you buy it,

and now I have it.

You like it?

I love it.

But I do kind of miss
the surprise element.

Hey, Lonnie, (LAUGHS)
there's a blizzard.

Uh-oh. (SHUDDERING)

Now I'm unconscious.
Save me.

Eric, it never happened.

I made the whole
thing up.

You did?
Yup, sorry.

Cute butt, though.

Okay, folks, everybody
get together now.

Real close.

Look right here,
into the camera.

Okay, I have set it.

Everybody smile.

Smile.