02x02 - Into the Bunker

[bunniefuu]

What do we do, Chadley?

I thought they were dead.

Far worse, Trixandra.

They're nearly almost dead but not quite!

Man, these movies are a lot less scary when you've actually fought real zombies.

They're slow.

Just power-walk away from them.

How much you want to bet that guy dies first?

Aah! My face is being eaten a lot.

Chadley ain't pretty no more.

One second.

Ugh, another text from Robbie.

Oh, yeah, Robbie.

How's, uh, how's all that going?

Ugh, I'm over him.

I just wish he was over me.

Just look at these texts.

Winky frown?

What does that even mean?

And you're not... not like, seeing any other guys or...

Of course I am.

Meet my new boyfriend, dude.

Right, right.

So...

So, you know, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to, I mean, if--if you and me would ever, I mean, if maybe you...

Hmm, wanted to join me and Mabel on this mystery hunt tomorrow.

Conspiracy stuff and all that.

That's all.

Yeah, dude.

I love doing junk with friends.

Yo, Chadley, watch out!

Yeah. 'Cause that's what we are.

It's all we'll ever be...

Friends.

Dude, you're lying on my bra.

Hey, easy with that.

It's genuine plastic.

And re-pave the cracks in the parking lot while you're at it.

I don't want my car falling into China.

Mr. Pines, what exactly caused all this damage?

I need to write a report.

Uh, a big woodpecker.

Keep the change.

I'm winking under my eye patch.

Works for me.

Now where'd those kids run off to?

Thank you all for coming.

Hey, when there's a mystery, you can count on your sister-ee.

That's an amazing rhyme.

"When you want some good--

When, when you need a Soos..."

You've-- Oh, gosh. I don't know.

We're here to solve the number one mystery in Gravity Falls.

Who wrote this journal?

Thirty years ago the author vanished without a trace, but according to this new clue, we may have found his secret hiding place.

We find that author, we learn the answers to everything.

We just need to figure out a way to get down there...

Chop it down, dudes.

Wendy.

Oh, hey. You came.

Dude, I'm so stoked about this.

I've been wanting to go adventuring with you guys.

Sure beats picking up after my dad at home.

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Who put that wall there?

Ow!

Thanks for the invite, man.

Of course.

Any time you want to-- I'm-- We're always-- Us.

Uh-oh.

Inviting Wendy on our mission?

Me thinks there's romance afoot.

No, look Mabel.

I've thought this through, and I'm over Wendy.

I've looked at it from every angle, and that thing was going nowhere.

I know what matters to me now, and it's finding the author of this journal.

Ha! You're over Wendy?

Allow me to put on my skepticles.

Bwoop.

I've moved on, Mabel.

You should, too.

Skepticles.

Hey, is it just me or does that branch kind of look like a lever?

Huh. Yeah.

But how do we get up there?

Seems like we'd need, like, a ladder.

Or, like, ladder shoes?

Yeah, ladder shoes.

I'll get Soos to draw up a prototype.

Boosh.

Whoa!

Oh, yeah.

My dad used to make me compete in these lumberjack games when I was a kid.

Guess I kind of ruled at it.

Whoa, whoa. What is that?

Whoa.

Hey, hey. Oh, no!

All right, guys. This is it.

Remember, whatever happens down there, we tell no one.

Now, who wants to go first?

Whoa.

Dude!

This is so stupid cool.

It's like a fallout shelter or something.

It must have belonged to the author.

This is going over my bed.

My face feels fuzzy.

This is incredible.

It's like he was preparing for a disaster.

But what kind of disaster would need supplies for over sixty years?

Oh, my gosh.

A Shmez dispenser.

I remember these things.

What's that?

Yes, I will have some of your old-timey face food.

Ew. Dusty.

Wait, guys.

I think this can was opened recently.

The author might still be alive, down here.

Wait a minute.

I think I know where he might have gone.

Whoa.

Whoa!

Oh, man.

Was this place built in the past or the future.

Yeah. This room is way creepy.

Not as creepy as Dipper's Internet history.

Hey-oh!

What's going on, dudes?

It's hard to be scared with caterpillars on your face.

Wall things.

Crazy wall things happening right now.

Ugh. It won't stop.

Dipper, what do we do?

Uh. Uh.

Come on, come on.

Find these four symbols. Quick.

Everybody step on one.

One!

Two!

Three!

Four!

Run for it!

Yes! Yes!

That was...

That was nuts.

You ruled back there, man.

Thanks.

Get a load of this crazy surveillance room.

Check it out, dudes.

Soos. Soos.

That is hilarious.

Hey, Bro, you forgot your vest.

What the--

"Dear Wendy.

I've always had a crush on--"

Oh, my gosh.

Hey, Dipper!

Look what I found.

What are you-- Give me that.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

You're not over Wendy at all.

And you were going to tell her today?

No. I changed my mind.

It's a bad idea, I'd just embarrass myself, and then I'd be another guy she hates, like Robbie.

Dipper, you should just tell her already.

One way or another, you'll feel better afterwards.

Look, Mabel, I can't tell her no matter how much I want to.

So just drop it, okay.

Dude.

Dipper, you got to check out this weird metal closet.

I am a robot. I have a metal closet.

Coming.

This never happened.

He wants to tell her but he's scared.

Maybe he needs a little push.

Good idea, Mabel. Thanks, Mabel.

Brother, whatever happens, I just want you to know something.

This is for your own good.

What? Aah.

What the--

Mabel! Let us out!

Oh, I'll let you out, Dipper.

As soon as you tell Wendy that thing you've been wanting to tell her!

You'll thank me for this later.

What is she talking about?

Nothing.

Mabel's just been eating raw sugar packets again.

That's besides the point.

Let me out right now!

Ugh, where are the lights?

Whoa.

A hidden lab.

Maybe the author did experiments down here.

Uh, what do you think dug all these tunnels?

Let's hope we don't find out.

Mabel! Open up for real!

There's a monster in here!

Ha. Nice try.

The only monsters are your own inner demons, Dipper.

That is so wise.

Dipper.

Just say whatever Mabel wants you to say so she'll let us out of here.

Come on, Dipper. Now is the time, Bro!

Wendy, I-- I...

I'm gonna find another way out.

Wait, what?

Dude, where are we going?

Whoa.

What do we do? I don't know.

Back!

Back, you heinous beast!

Well, I just ripped out a monster's tongue.

It's you.

Hurry now.

I scared it off, but it will regenerate.

I wasn't expecting guests.

I've been down here for a very long time.

Years. Weeks maybe.

I miss orange juice.

You don't understand.

You're the guy I've been looking for!

He's the guy?

Wendy, it's the guy!

The guy?

I've got, like, a jillion questions.

Why did you write the journals?

Who was after you? Why did you build this bunker?

My boy, I'd love to discuss this in time.

But we have more pressing matters.

It's one of my experiments.

A shapeshifter.

Able to take the form of anyone or anything it sees.

It broke free from a cage of solid steel.

I've gone half-crazy trying to catch the creature alone.

But now you're here.

Will you help me catch it?

Sure are taking their time in there.

Hey, do I look smarter with this coat and briefcase?

I feel like I look smarter.

Razzle dazzle!

Look at this tubey thing.

Frozen.

Unfrozen.

Frozen.

Unfrozen.

What's this biz?

"Experiment number two-ten: The Shapeshifter."

Shapeshifter?

Uh, dude, didn't Dipper say there was a monster in there with them?

I thought he was just joking.

You know, Dipper's jokes are terrible!

Dipper!

Come in. Come in.

I apologize for the state of things.

I don't get many non-mole people visitors.

Now the beast must have some weakness that we can exploit.

I used to have my research on him, but alas, I lost my journals SO many years ago.

Did you say journals?

Dude, I found one of them.

It's how I tracked you down here.

What? Could it be?

My boy, I can't express my gratitude.

Oh, yes.

After all these years.

Wendy!

Oh, it's so dark.

How will we ever find them?

Leave that to Mabel.

Whoa! Rad!

Although, isn't electric clothing kind of like a fire hazard?

No.

It's a fun hazard.

Now let me light the way!

We're coming for you dudes.

Yes, yes.

It's all here.

Wendy, isn't it amazing we're actually meeting the real author?

Dipper. Look.

Uh, you know what?

We should probably get going.

Can I have my journal back?

You're not going anywhere.

How do you like my true form?

Go on, admit it, you like it.

You!

What did you do to the real author?

You'll likely never find him.

That six-fingered nerd hasn't been himself in thirty years.

But I do thank you for bringing me his journal.

He used to write while I was in my cage.

So many wonderful forms to take.

We've got to get that journal back.

Hey, body-snatcher. Snatch this.

Run! Run! Run!

Oh, dudes. Dipper! Wendy!

Mabel! Soos!

Wait. Careful.

How do we know they're not the shapeshifter?

Maybe I am. Mabel, inspect my shape.

Poke.

Do that again. Poke.

Even better the second time.

It's definitely them.

Oh, my gosh, Wendy, you're bleeding.

It's cool. It's cool.

It's just blood, man.

Don't freak out.

What happened?

We got att*cked by the shapeshifter.

He broke out of his cage, pretended to the author, and wants Dipper's journal.

Imagine if he escapes into town.

He could transform into anything.

We could never trust anyone ever again.

What do we do?

Well.

He took us into his home, tricked us, and tried to destroy us.

I say we return the favor.

Dipper, my boy.

Come out.

I must speak with you!

Reveal yourself, you single-formed human weakling.

Oh, boy, Dipper.

That book sure is full of some great monsters.

There you are.

Ooh! And a new one.

Should I be one?

Or the other.

How about both?

Guys, he's coming! He's coming!

Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!

It's not working, dude.

Hey. Let go.

You leave him alone.

Wendy!

Aah.

Wendy!

Wendy?

No, no, no, no, no!

Can you hear me? Oh.

Please be okay. Please be okay!

Oh, no, oh, no! This is all my fault!

If I had told you when we were in the closet we wouldn't be in this mess.

But I was too scared and now you could be hurt or worse and I never even got a chance to tell you I'm, like, in love with you Wendy.

Uh...

Dipper?

Wendy?

Wait.

Then who is-- Look out!

Give me back that journal!

Never!

Get off me.

Give it back.

It belongs to Dipper.

Hit her with the axe!

Don't listen to her, Dipper!

She's the shapeshifter!

Ugh!

I don't know who's who!

Give me a sign!

Push him in!

Huh?

Frozen!

Boosh! Boom!

No. No! Let me out!

Let's get out of here, dudes.

You think you're so clever, don't you, Dipper?

But you have no idea what you're up against.

You'll never find the author.

If you keep digging, you'll meet a fate worse than you can imagine.

And this will be the last form you ever take!

Good luck sleeping tonight.

Dude, I think I'm kind of adventured out for a little while.

My face hurts from doing this all day.

Yeah, but you got to admit we're all total heroes.

Hey, who wants to go get some heroes breakfast, huh?

Syrup on cereal!

Mabel, you're a visionary.

Look, Wendy, about earlier, In the heat of the moment I might have said some dumb things and--

Can't we just pretend none of that ever happened?

Please.

Dude. Dude. It's okay.

I always kind of knew.

Wait. You did?

Yeah, man.

I mean, you think I can't hear that stuff you're constantly whispering under your breath?

Oh, man.

Listen, Dipper.

I'm, like, super flattered.

But, I'm too old for you.

I mean, you know that, right?

Ugh.

Mabel said confessing would make me feel better.

Well, how do you feel?

Anxious. Scared. Kind of itchy.

Dude.

Don't be itchy, man.

Let me tell you something, this summer was super boring until you showed up.

I have more fun with you than, like, practically anybody else.

And if you ever stop being my friend, I would, like, throw myself into the bottomless pit.

So, things won't be too awkward now?

I just wrestled myself, dude.

That was awkward.

If you can handle that monster, you can handle a little awkwardness.

Friends?

Yeah, dude. Friends.

Oh, and hey, Dipper.

See you for movie night tomorrow.

Your place this time, okay?

So, how did it go?

What did you hear?

Everything. All the time.

I'm not here.

Mabel, how can everything be so amazing and so terrible all at the same time?

I'm sorry for being so pushy, Dipper.

If it's any consolation, I'm already working on a list of your potential rebound crushes.

Thanks, Mabel.

I'm still bummed we're no closer to finding the author guy.

At least I got his sciency coat and briefcase.

Whoa. What the--

Soos, that's not a briefcase. That's a laptop.

And a really busted up one, too.

I bet I could get this thing fixed up in a few days.

It's gonna take a lot of duct tape.

This could be our next clue.

Is it just me, or does Gravity Falls TV only have the worst movies?

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