03x08 - #IRegretNothing

[bunniefuu]

[Lola] One Mississippi. Two
Mississippi. Three Mississippi.

Four. Five.

Now what?

Lay the pregnancy test
flat. I'll set the timer.

[Frankie] Are you gonna tell the dad?

There is no dad,
because there is no baby.

- What I meant to say was...
- [Lola] I know.

Can we talk about something else?

I heard Justin and Selena
are getting back together.

There's been a lot of
back and forth online.

[whispers] It's probably
someone embarrassing.

[Shay] Baaz.

[Frankie] It's not Tiny.

I know.

How much longer?

A minute.

Then I can go on with my life, and
today will be another ordinary day.

- [whispers] Unless it's positive.
- Shh.

[whispers] Can you imagine? I
mean, what would people think?

[Shay] If that happened
to me, I would die...

if my parents didn't k*ll me first.

[stammers] Are you done
your history project?

Mmm, we don't present until next week.

Yael and I are on Wednesday.

[Frankie] Twenty seconds. Any results?

I'm not checking till the time's up.

Fifteen.

She did the whole report. I
just have to type up the slides.

Ten.

Nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three, two...

[inhales sharply]

So, are we planning a baby shower?

Most definitely not.

[Frankie sighs] Mmm. I knew
everything would be okay.

[chuckles]

- We should get to class.
- Mmm-hmm.

I just... I need a minute, okay?

Okay, well, congrats
on being not pregnant!

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[sniffling]

[theme music playing]

♪ Whatever it takes I know
I can make it through ♪

♪ And if I hold out I know
I can make it through ♪

♪ Be the best, be the best
The best that I can be ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it I
know I can make it through ♪

[Simpson sighs] We're trying
to make the school a safe space.

Finding this in the
corridor is not safe.

What were you thinking?

I didn't realize people would freak out.

- It's an art project.
- [Mrs. Matlin] Seriously?

And art's supposed to evoke
emotion. My songs have upset people.

Your songs aren't
about k*lling yourself.

Well, the school play is.

I hear the main character
considers su1c1de.

Well, that's news to me.

So why is my art being singled out?

Your grades have dropped.
You've been skipping class.

And we've noticed that you haven't been
hanging out with your regular crowd.

So you're, like, spying on me now?

Maya. Tone.

Okay. Now that we've established
I'm a screw-up, can I go?

No. Not until we figure out a plan.

What type of plan?

Principal Simpson is suggesting
exploring a new environment.

Like, change schools?

- But it's my final year.
- [Simpson sighs]

[Mrs. Matlin] Not if you
don't get your grades up.

Plus, I'm worried about some of
the new influences in your life.

- You mean Saad?
- What about Grace?

Your best friend.

I know you two had a fight,
but you can work it out.

[sighs]

Okay. Okay, I'll do it.

- Do what?
- [Maya] Whatever you want.

Just don't make me change schools.

We'll start by finding you a tutor

- for your classes.
- Great.

And you should reconnect
with your old friends.

Okay.

We just want the old Maya back.

Whatever it takes.

[bell ringing]

I need a favor.

Simpson wants to go over
the contents of the play.

Awesome. Okay. Let's find Jonah.

[scoffs] Still here.

Just give me five minutes.

What's up?

I, um... I need a ride downtown.

I... I can't.

Play emergency, and then I
promised to visit Tristan at lunch.

Well, then maybe we can
just go somewhere and talk?

I... You know we can't
hang out anymore, right?

Except the play.

Maybe you can... take a bus?

[sighs]

[sniffles]

Hey, have you taken care of it yet?

What?

Our history project?
Medicine in the Middle Ages?

Oh. That. [sniffles]

[Yael] You forgot? Of course you did.

- Sorry.
- [sighs]

Whatever. We'll just
do it at lunch. [sighs]

I can't. I... I got a
thing. But maybe tomorrow?

Our presentation is tomorrow.
God, you are so irresponsible!

Chill! It's just a stupid project.

It's worth % of our grade. What
could be more important than that?

I'm getting an abortion.

[sniffles] Maybe I can get
a doctor's note or something,

but I'll make sure you don't
lose marks for my stupid mistake.

Do you have somebody to go with you?

[sighs] Then let's call an Uber.

[sighs] Good news.

I'm in.

I can help with the play.
Lights, music, whatever you need.

- We need people we can trust.
- [Jonah] Yeah.

Did you tell Simpson that
our play was about su1c1de?

Oh. Uh, yeah, maybe.

Well, now he's reviewing it.
[scoffs] What's wrong with you?

You ditch me for some
messed up art project,

and now you're trying to t*nk our play?

- I don't...
- [Grace] Don't what?

I don't know.

- It's just been hard lately.
- [Grace scoffs] Your life is hard?

- Grace...
- [Grace] You know what's hard?

Finding out that you're
gonna need a lung transplant

before you graduate. That's hard.

Grace, I had no idea.

Because you're a terrible friend.

[inhales sharply] Tell me
what I can do to fix it.

[scoffs] Nothing. I just...

I just don't want you
in my life anymore.

[whimpers]

- [Tristan panting]
- [Mrs. Milligan] Don't move a muscle.

[Miles chuckles] You're walking?

It's only one or two steps.

- [chuckles] That's amazing.
- [Mrs. Milligan] Mmm-hmm.

You're amazing.

Well, what's next? A marathon?

His goal is to make it to your play.

[sighs] Well, I don't
know if it's gonna happen.

The school worries that
the content might be...

triggering.

Oh. Well, what are you going to do?

Just wait for Simpson
to decide, I guess.

[computerized voice] Fight.

[chuckles] How?

[Mrs. Milligan] Well, lots of great
plays have controversial content.

Some you even study in school. Why?

Because the theme is important?

[computerized voice]
Your theme is hope.

And what could be more
important than that?

[chuckles softly]

The car will be here in a minute.

You know, I didn't just
decide to get an abortion.

Okay.

I've thought about it. A lot.

And... I spent hours
researching it online.

Did you talk to your parents?

Parent. Mom's gone-zo.

[chuckles] My dad's great,
but super traditional.

Besides, there's nothing to talk about.

I'm not ready to be a mom.

And there's no way I'm walking around
school pregnant for nine months.

But you... you only found out you
were pregnant yesterday, right?

I mean, that still gives
you time to change your mind.

I decided two weeks ago.

When I thought I might be pregnant.

[sighs]

What would you do?

I don't think it really
matters right now.

I just want this to be over with,
so that I can get on with my life.

[sighs]

Well, then, maybe there's your answer.

[sighs]

And your mom said
nothing about the kiss?

I think she's cool with it.

So does that mean that
there will be more kissing?

If you insist. [chuckles]

Don't stop for me.

We'll continue this later.

What do you want? [sighs]

Your help convincing
Simpson to approve our play.

Does the main character
actually consider su1c1de?

Yeah, but... so does Hamlet.

- And fantasize about m*rder?
- Macbeth.

- And I hear there's sexual content.
- [chuckles] Romeo and Juliet.

Are you actually comparing
yourself to Shakespeare?

Except people will actually
understand what I'm trying to say.

Mmm.

Look, it was your idea for me
to get involved with the play.

[scoffs] But I didn't tell
you to write it for HBO.

It's still the same story I promised.

A boy finds hope amidst great tragedy.

[Miles sighs]

Tristan walked today.

[chuckles] He did?

His goal's to make it to opening night.

Okay.

So, you'll plead our case to Simpson?

But first, I must read.

[chuckles]

So you're just... gonna wait here?

Whatever.

Hey, you okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm completely fine.

- See ya.
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, you think I'd let
you get away with that one?

Grace hates me. [sighs]

It's all right.

I don't blame her.

I've been a crappy friend.

I just... I keep failing everyone...
and I don't know what to do.

Everyone gets sad sometimes.

This isn't sometimes.

This is all the time.

And I don't feel sad.

I feel...

numb. [sighs]

[chuckling]

[chuckles] Stop.

Well, you felt that. So
you're not completely hopeless.

- [chuckles]
- Just saying.

I miss you. [sighs]

I'm right here.

The way we were.

I wish we could have a do-over.

Well, first, you'd have to
invent a time machine. [chuckles]

Maya, what are you doing?
I have a girlfriend.

[Esme] Yeah, you do.

I'm so sorry.

Do I look like the forgiving type?

[breathes shakily]

Okay, Lola, now that we've
discussed the procedure,

do you have any questions?

Um, the whole thing
only takes five minutes?

Oh, then we observe you for an hour.

And afterwards... how will I feel?

Many women experience cramping,
similar to menstruation.

And there will also be some bleeding.

Okay, but... [stammers] emotionally?

Some women feel a sense of loss.

Others, relief.

Before we start, I need
you to sign this waiver.

There's... there's not really
a chance I could die, right?

Well, like any medical
procedure, there are risks,

but they're extremely unlikely.

One in , .

And I'll still be able to
have kids when I'm older?

Yes.

That's what it said online, I just...

I wanted to hear it
from a real human person.

You know, you're early in the
pregnancy. If you need more time...

And, of course there...
there are other options...

I know.

Whatever your choice, I'm
here. [chuckles softly]

[Lola sighs]

Let me show you to the procedure room.

Uh, you must be Lola. I'm Dr. Bainford.

A little nervous?

- What gave it away?
- [Dr. Bainford] Don't worry.

That's perfectly normal.

The IV that the nurse gave
you will help you relax.

Now, I need to take a look at your
uterus. Feet in those stirrups.

[softly] Okay.

Um, will it hurt?

Have you had a Pap?

Once.

It should feel similar.

Now... scooch down.

While I'm down here... I'll
apply a numbing medication.

Like at the dentist?

Well, hopefully she
puts it in your gums.

[both chuckle]

- So, , huh?
- Mmm.

You must be in Grade , right?

- Yep.
- Learning anything interesting in school?

I'm doing a project about, uh,
medicine in the Middle Ages.

Ah. Did you know, back then, most
surgeries were done by barbers?

[chuckles] Really? I'd
never trust you with my hair.

[both laugh]

Okay, now... I'll use an aspirator.

It's kind of like a vacuum. It'll
suck out the contents of the uterus.

Anything you want to
ask before we start?

[inhales deeply]

Am I the first -year-old
you've ever done this to?

You're not the first today.

You ready?

Okay, let's start.

[aspirator hissing]

Relax... and breathe.

Lin-Manuel Miranda better watch out.

- Seriously?
- [chuckles]

No. He's brilliant. But you're good.

Simpson shouldn't object to this.

So student council will support it?

- I just need to clarify one thing.
- Of course.

Did you hook up with Lola?

What does that have to do with the play?

- Hope is Lola.
- No, Hope is a metaphor.

Played by Lola. And described as...

"Sixteen, cute, blue
hair, idiot-savant."

Lola's not an idiot.

So you did hook up.

Look, I don't care what
happened before Tris woke up.

But we got him back and
life is hard for him.

- Yeah, I know that.
- So we need to make things easier.

There's already talk about you and Lola.
If people see the play, there'll be more.

And eventually, Tris will hear it.

So you won't support the play?

I think the better question is, can you?

How're you feeling?

[chuckles] Pretty crampy.

Mostly, I'm just... relieved.

- [chuckles] Good. I'm glad.
- Thanks for coming with me.

[bell rings]

[chuckles]

Okay. Who wants to hear about...

[Yael] Medicine in the Middle Ages.

Okay, wow me, ladies.

The Middle Ages was a time
of superstition, not science.

If you got sick, people
believed that it was...

a punishment for your sins.

As you can see in our diagram...

- Yael?
- I can't get an Internet connection.

Um... Okay, I'll just mirror my phone.

Lola.

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

[sniffling]

My first priority is to make sure
that everyone here feels safe.

- By limiting our freedom of speech?
- This is high school.

A public institution
funded by taxpayer money.

We have rights.

[Simpson] And you would
like to exercise those

even though they might
hurt other students?

No.

No, I... I don't want to hurt anyone.

So I think that...

if you don't think we
should perform the play,

then... I accept that judgment.

- What?
- Since when?

Thank you, Miles, but I don't
think we have to cancel the play.

Yeah, but I said I didn't
want to hurt anyone.

[Simpson] I know.

With a few small tweaks,

I think we can make it suitable
for a high school audience.

Um, I have notes.

I'm excited to see what you do next.

That was a nice move, dude.
To pretend to be on his side.

See you at rehearsal?

Maybe no one else will make the leap.

It's not like Tris has any reason
to think that you hooked up, right?

Right.

[sniffling]

We've been looking everywhere for you.

Does that means everyone's
talking about me?

- I wouldn't say everyone.
- [sighs]

[Shay] Don't worry. We'll
tell them it's not true.

And even if they don't
believe us, we know it's not.

You had a pregnancy scare. And
you wanted to know your options.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Yeah, it's not like you
actually had an abortion.

[sighs] And that would
be a reason to be ashamed?

No, but... abortion's a big deal.
I mean, you're kinda k*lling a baby.

[Shay] Well, I think,
technically, it's an embryo.

Why are you getting so upset?
We're trying to be supportive.

Well, it sure doesn't
feel that way. [sniffles]

Maya... shouldn't you be in class?

Maya?

Yeah.

- Class. Okay.
- On my way.

[Saad echoing] Maya! Maya!

[car honking]

- Maya!
- [gasps]

Is everything all right?

I don't know.

We've been hanging out every day
and now you don't return my texts.

Why?

My mom thinks you're
the reason I'm messed up.

But you said our pictures
made you feel better.

They made me feel something.

Maybe it wasn't the right thing.

[sighs] Sorry I bailed
on our presentation.

Don't worry about it.

Perino gave us an extension.

[chuckles] Guess he's pro-choice.

So what wisdom will you be
sharing on your vlog today?

[sighs] "How to apply false lashes."

Do you think I'm a bad person?

Because you made a difficult decision?

It wasn't difficult for me.

Scary, yeah, but... [inhales
sharply] not difficult.

And afterwards, I... I didn't feel sad.

Well, I mean, that's good, isn't it?

Except now I feel bad
for not feeling sad.

I've been staring at
this photo all afternoon.

[sighs]

I feel nothing. Except the
desire to tweeze her unibrow.

Well, doesn't that mean you
just made the right choice?

[sighs] Frankie and Shay don't
agree. They think I'm a m*rder*r.

- They said that?
- I can barely handle my roots.

How could I possibly handle a baby?

A lot of women would support you.

I mean, Nicki Minaj had
an abortion in high school.

- Really?
- The point is,

a lot of women have
abortions and feel no shame.

I feel like I'm the first.

Yeah, because the world makes
everybody too scared to talk about it.

Well, they should talk about it.

Maybe you could.

- [camera beeps]
- Camera's rolling...

My name is Lola Pacini.

Yesterday, I was
pregnant, and now I'm not.

And I'd like to talk about it.

[Mrs. Matlin] You're
skipping school again?

What the hell, Maya? Is
this you trying harder?

- I can't do it anymore.
- Do what?

Anything!

I know you want the old Maya
back, but I can't find her.

I don't think she's there anymore.

I tried!

I really tried.

[voice breaking] There is
something seriously wrong with me.

And I need help. [sniffles]

Okay. I'll call your old doctor.

I'm really scared, Mom.

[crying] I'm... I'm really scared.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Whatever it is, we'll get
through it together, okay?

Okay.

It's okay, baby. It's okay, baby.

There's so many things I
wanna do in high school,

and being a mom is
not one of them.

It might not be everyone's
choice, but it was mine.

And I'm not ashamed.

[scoffs] My hair looks
so flat in that video.

[Frankie scoffs]

Why didn't you tell us?

But you were so judgey about the sex.

I couldn't even imagine telling
you about the other stuff.

I would've supported you,

even if it wasn't the
right decision for me.

Yeah, truthfully,

I don't know what I'd do
if I was actually pregnant.

Me neither.

Making that difficult choice and
standing up for it... [chuckles]

- You're courageous.
- [chuckles]

We should go out and celebrate.
If... you feel up to it.

Yeah. I... I'd like that. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Okay, let's go.

[sighs]

So what are you thinking?
Ice cream? Maybe?

- No. Gelato.
- There's a place near my...

Where are you three headed?

Uh, to celebrate Lola's bravery.

Did you save a cat from a tree?

No, she shared the story
of her abortion online.

[Shay] Franks!

[Frankie] The whole point
of the video was to own it.

[chuckles] You should check it out.

Are you ever gonna
tell us who the dad is?

- No. I'm taking that one to the grave.
- [both chuckle]

[melancholy music playing]