04x06 - #FactsOnly

[bunniefuu]

[school bell ringing]

[Zoë over PA] Think
you've got talent?

Sign up in the foyer
and be sure to show it.

So it took me all night,
but I finally figured out

how to project our backdrop
for the talent show tomorrow.

Great, except we're not doing the
cosplay stage fight thing anymore.

Wait, what? Why not?

It's a talent show raising money
for victims of a t*rror1st att*ck.

Can't exactly bring fake
weapons on stage. So insensitive.

Okay, but it's tomorrow.

- What are we gonna do instead?
- [Baaz] Don't worry.

We had a flash of genius in
the bathroom this morning.

"Symphony of Farts."

- Excuse me?
- We light our farts on fire.

In time with the finale
of "Ride of the Valkyries."

Oh, yeah, because that
makes it so classy.

I told you she wouldn't like it.

Wait, why... why would you assume that?

- Because you're a girl.
- No, it's because it's gross.

But you find it gross
because you're a girl.

No, me finding farts gross literally
has nothing to do with my genitals

and everything to do with the
fact that they're disgusting.

Lola!

How do you feel about farts?

- Oh, they're hilarious.
- See? Also, really?

Yeah! They come out of your
butt and they make a funny sound.

- I still think it's a terrible idea.
- Yeah, because you're a girl.

Stop saying that!

[Hunter] Guys and girls just
find different things funny.

- Except for Lola.
- Yeah, I'm an enigma.

You still can't assume everything about
anybody just because of their gender.

Fine. Then I'll just assume
you're a no-fun killjoy

because you don't like farts.

[sighs]

[theme music playing]

♪ Whatever it takes I know
I can make it through ♪

♪ And if I hold out I know
I can make it through ♪

♪ Be the best, be the best
The best that I can be ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it I
know I can make it through ♪

[hip-hop music playing]

Don't tell me that you're nervous for
a high school talent show audition.

I don't even know if getting up on
stage is something I still wanna do.

It doesn't help that Craig
Manning's the guest judge.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

He's coming home in
between Coachella weekends.

Um... Maya, you're up.

[sighs]

Oh, finally, someone
with an actual talent.

♪ Gotta pack my bags
Leave my world behind ♪

♪ Take a different road
I know it's my time ♪

♪ To open up my heart
for another crowd ♪

♪ Play it strong
and sing it loud ♪

A charity talent show for the
victims of a terror att*ck?

- That seems kind of bizarre to me.
- What do you think, Ziggy?

Should we enter and
dance the terrorism away?

- Whoa, you okay there, space cadet?
- Uh, yeah. I just, um...

- Guess who got into CalTech?
- Tiny, that's amazing!

[Tiny] No financial aid,

so I have no idea how
I'm going to pay for it,

but that's future Tiny's problem.

Maybe we could turn the talent show

into a Pay for Tiny to
Go to College fundraiser.

I don't think cupcake
orgies count as a talent.

I assume all the celebration is you guys
heard my girl got into Comp Sci at UT.

[chuckles] Don't sell yourself short.

- He got into Queen's.
- Whatever.

Esme got into Harvard and Columbia.

- [chuckles]
- Wait, seriously?

- That's incredible.
- It's no big deal.

- Have you heard about Kempton yet?
- Uh, yeah, I just heard this morning.

[chuckles] I got in.

- Nice!
- Well, why didn't you tell us?

- I knew you could do it! [chuckles]
- Did you get into the res you wanted?

I'm not sure. The e-mail didn't say.

I thought you needed to
know how to read to graduate.

- What are you doing?
- I thought you said you got in.

[sighs] Well, I didn't, okay?

Now you all know what an idiot I am.

Where are you going?

Nowhere, apparently.

So I polled students, and while
half of them find farts funny,

for some inexplicable reason,
it only skews slightly male.

Which means % of the student body
will love "Symphony of Farts." Thanks!

- That's not what I'm trying to say.
- Why are you making such a thing of this?

Because I don't want you to
make assumptions about my brain

based on what's between my legs.

[sighs] If you hate the idea so
much, you don't have to do it with us.

Which is probably for the best,
since girls farting is totally gross.

Uh, no. We're not leaving
this conversation unfinished.

But you can't come in.

- Why not?
- Because you're a girl.

Uh, it doesn't say no girls.

It just says somebody wearing
pants, and I'm wearing pants.

- [door creaking]
- Oh, God, um...

Uh, uh, what are you doing?

Uh, I'm wearing pants. [sighs]

- [chuckles nervously]
- That's why you can't come in.

[chuckles nervously]

[sighs]

I actually thought the test was easy.

What did you think, yeah?

- [Maya] Goldi?
- Oh, I'll talk to you later.

Hey, was there something
wrong with my audition?

I mean, I know I haven't
performed in a while, but...

Maya, actually, we thought
your audition was amazing

and we wanna include you.

Do you think you could
play a different song?

What? Why?

Uh, well... I know you've
been to hell and back...

but we're worried that "Last
Exit" might be too inspiring.

Like, too good? [chuckles]

Sometimes one su1c1de
attempt can lead to another,

especially if it's
glamorized or romanticized.

You think it's going to make
people want to k*ll themselves?

Well, not on its own,

but what if they're feeling
the way that you were?

- I hope you understand.
- [sighs]

And, hey, if you're looking
for song suggestions,

"Not Okay" has always
been my personal favorite.

[Yael] It would be really dumb
for me to be in trouble.

I mean, who pees where
is totally arbitrary...

You're not in trouble.

Okay. Then... then why am I here?

I just wanted to check in with you.

I've noticed some changes,
and I wanna make sure

we're doing everything
we can to support you.

Sorry, um, what do you mean?

You started binding your breasts?

I didn't think teachers
noticed that stuff.

It's my job to notice.

So if you'd rather use
a different bathroom,

or go by different pronouns,

then I just want you to know
the school is here to help.

Wait, do you think I want to be a boy?

Questioning your gender identity
can come with depression and anxiety,

but you don't have to
go through it alone.

This school has had other
transgender students before.

Transgender...

Uh, I'm not... I mean, that's
not why I went into the bathroom.

Okay, but there is
something going on, right?

Whatever it is, we just want
to know so that we can help.

[Frankie] There you are.

- In all my pathetic glory.
- [chuckles]

Everyone's looking for you.

[scoffs] Yeah, well, I
think you can understand

that I don't really wanna celebrate.

You're not pathetic.

That's nice of you to say.

- Wanna know pathetic? Um...
- [sighs]

Hacking into your boyfriend's
socials to read his DMs.

- You did that?
- Yeah. I'm not a very good girlfriend.

Or maybe Jonah wasn't
a very good boyfriend.

That's nice of you to say.

[sighs] What am I gonna do?

Esme's gonna be in New
York or wherever and...

I'm just gonna be here.

I'll still be around.

You wouldn't mind hanging
out with a complete failure?

[chuckles] Not in the slightest.

I used to think I needed
a boyfriend to be happy,

but hanging out with you guys

has been some of the best
times I've had in a while.

[chuckles]

[Esme] Having fun without me?

You two probably wanna talk.

[exhales deeply]

Okay, look, I understand
if you're mad, but...

Why would I be mad at you?

Well, I just need you to
understand that there wasn't...

anything funny happening
with Frankie just now.

- I would understand if there was.
- I'm sorry?

- I mean, she's cute, don't you think?
- [chuckles and stutters] I'm confused.

It's a simple question.

- I mean, sure. But we weren't...
- So you don't want to kiss her?

- [stutters] Well, no!
- Come on, you're human.

You're saying you haven't
even thought about it?

- [stutters] Uh...
- So you do want to kiss her.

Well, no, that's not what I said.

Look, I don't know why I lied
about... getting into school,

but I just felt like such an idiot,
and she's trying to cheer me up.

- I don't cheer you up?
- What?

No, no, of course you do.

[sighs]

[stutters] Can you tell me
what's happening right now?

You were telling me you
wanted to kiss Frankie,

unless I heard incorrectly.

Hey, where have you been?
I've been texting you.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I was in class.

Um, I just had the weirdest
conversation with Grell.

She wanted to know if
I wanted to be a dude.

Like, if I was trans.

Isn't that so offensive? Like I'd
wanna be more like you dummies.

- [bell ringing]
- I gotta get to math.

Yeah, I know. We're in the same class.

What's wrong with him?

What's wrong with you?

- Baaz, don't do this right now.
- Do what?

The no-boobs thing, the armpit
hair, the bathroom thing...

Plus, you don't ever
wanna make out anymore.

- Wait, Hunter said that?
- He was very distraught.

So, if you're not trans, what are you?

- A lesbian?
- Which wouldn't be a bad thing.

- No! Of course not, but...
- Well, is that what he thinks?

[Vijay] He's confused. [Baaz]
Because you're being confusing.

So sort yourself out, or at least
put the poor guy out of his misery.

[sighs]

I know it sucks that you
didn't get into a school,

but there's a ton of community
college programs that sound awesome.

Why don't we ditch class and
get our hands on some beers?

[chuckles] No way,
dude. I've got a test.

And if we're still in the
same history class, so do you.

- [sighs]
- Hey, it's okay.

We'll figure it out.

[sighs] I think I'm in the
process of being broken up with.

Of course this is about Esme.

I think she thinks something's
going on with Frankie.

- Is there?
- No.

I think she's just assuming the worst.

Ah, maybe it's inevitable.

I mean, you're going to CalTech,

Esme's going to whatever
fancy school she wants,

and I'm just a loser with no future.

Well, I'm trying to
help you out with that.

Maybe if she sees that I've got a
plan, she won't break up with me.

Um, that's not really
why I was suggesting this,

but sure, whatever gets you
signing those applications.

[Zig sighs]

[sighs]

[chuckles]

Okay, so, you know, I've been thinking.

I think farts are funny
because they're a surprise.

I'm really sorry.

- It's okay.
- [sighs]

I was just trying to see
if... [inhales deeply] I'm gay.

- And?
- No, I don't think I am.

Okay! Glad I could help.

[sighs] Then what is wrong with me?

- Sorry, I'm really confused.
- Me, too!

[sighs]

I feel... in between.

I don't feel like a girl or
what everyone thinks is a girl.

I don't like makeup
and stuff like you do.

I really, really hate my boobs.

Yeah, I... I was wondering
what was going on there.

But I don't feel like a boy, either.

And I'm definitely not gay.

I like Hunter.

- This sounds familiar.
- What?

You're like... [chuckles]
the girliest girl I know.

No, not me! My favorite
vlogger did a thing about this.

They identify as genderqueer.

Or, I think there's another
name for it. Um... Gender fluid.

They feel like they're between a
boy or girl. Or both. Or neither.

- Does that make sense?
- No.

Okay, it's like...

If being a boy or a girl is made up,
then you can be whatever you want, right?

There, that's them.

I think this calls for a makeover.

Lola, not everything
calls for a makeover.

You have never been more wrong.

Okay, look, just tell me
what you'd want to look like

if you weren't worrying
about being a boy or a girl.

If you were worrying about being Yael.

- [classical music playing over speakers]
- [farting]

[crowd cheering and applauding]

Yeah! Yes!

Thank you, boys. That
was surprisingly awesome.

[giggles]

Um, next up, the musical
stylings of Maya Matlin.

[crowd applauds]

Hey, guys.

Um...

It's really great to be here.

♪ When it's good
You know I'm down ♪

♪ When I'm feelin' it
I want you around ♪

♪ You make me smile But
then you make me mad ♪

♪ When I reach out to you
And I hear nothing back ♪

[Yael] You've been looking at
me for, like, a really long time.

- You can't rush a makeover.
- Okay, um...

How about we start with this?

- I knew it! [giggles]
- I've never really liked my hair.

Uh, okay, um...

How about we pin it back?

Sure.

- So, have you thought about pronouns?
- What do you mean?

Well, most people like
you use different pronouns.

- Like "ze," instead of "he" or "she."
- Why?

I guess, if you're not all
boy or you're not all girl,

why should people refer
to you like you are?

Um, okay, I think you should wear this
with the white T and the slouchy jeans.

I have never seen somebody
shop so fast in my entire life.

I told you. I'm an expert at
the lunchtime shopping spree.

Don't second guess it.
It fits you like a dream.

No, it's not that.

What's Hunter gonna say?

Honestly, I don't know.

What if he hates it?

I'm more worried about what you think.

[inhales deeply]

[Maya] ♪ Tell me, is
it black or white? ♪

Oh, my gosh, did I do
it wrong? I'm so sorry.

No, no.

You did it exactly right. [chuckles]

- ♪ Tell me, is it black or white? ♪
- [laughs]

♪ Tell me, is it
black or white? ♪

♪ Can I trade my day
for your night? ♪

[crowd cheering and applauding]

[boy] Yeah! Maya!

[chuckles]

[both chuckle]

Oh, you're here! Excellent!

[chuckles]

- So we're okay?
- Why wouldn't we be?

Because of earlier?

Because I'm an idiot who can't
even get into his safety school?

Aw...

Uh, but I have a bunch of
colleges applications, and...

- You don't really want to do that, do you?
- No. But I have to do something.

[chuckles] We'll figure out the future.

You can come live with me
and cook me beautiful meals.

But right now, all you
need to do is chill out.

- [chuckles]
- Whoa!

Isn't it crazy that the entire
school thinks we had a threesome?

Yeah, as if we'd actually do that
just because we like hanging out.

- [chuckles]
- It's such a rip-off, though.

We get a bad rep around school
and none of the actual fun.

- Well, because it's a crazy idea.
- I don't know, is it?

You should totally kiss Zig.

- He told me he wants to.
- Seriously?

What? No! No, I didn't.

- [chuckles]
- Come on, it'd be funny. [chuckles]

Oh, my God, I can't believe
I just kissed your boyfriend!

Boo! You call that a kiss?

Okay, who's better?

Uh, I think I'm gonna
have to do more research.

[all chuckle]

[Baaz] Hi. Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

I can't believe that you
only got second place.

We're leaving Degrassi in
the hands of those weirdos.

I mean, I guess it was
impressive on a technical level.

I don't know, but it did feel
pretty good to be up there again.

[chuckles]

- We need to talk to you.
- But I didn't play the song.

It'll just take a second.

Craig, meet Maya. Maya, Craig.

As if I don't know who you are.

- Hi. That was a great performance.
- [chuckles]

But I was kinda hoping
that you'd play that song

that you put up on your SoundCloud.

You lurked my SoundCloud?

Wow. "Lurked." Uh, well, I like to
think of it as doing my homework.

But, yeah, I like the
latest one that you posted.

Oh, "Last Exit?" Yeah. Um...

I don't know. I wasn't in a
great place when I wrote that song

and I was worried it would
make people... k*ll themselves.

I get it. I went through
some pretty scary stuff, too.

But you know what?
Songs like that helped.

They let me know that I wasn't alone.

Yeah, that your thoughts weren't wrong
even though they were really scary.

Exactly.

Listen, my band is
going on tour this summer

and we've been looking
for an opener forever.

- Are you asking me to open for you?
- No, I'm asking you to come meet with us,

play a few more songs,
see if you'd be a good fit.

You interested?

Um, can I think about it?

Yeah, for sure. Just let
me know. Zoë's got my info.

Okay.

Craig Manning asked you
to go somewhere with him

and you have to think about it?

Easy, Tris. It's not
a date. It's a tour.

Yeah, but that's your dream.

Plus, you said it felt
good to be up there.

I know. But still, after everything...

I just wanna make sure I
make the right choice for me.

[both chuckle]

So? What do you think?

Are you... gay?

No.

- Do you actually want to be a dude?
- No.

But... I don't really
feel like a girl, either.

[sighs] What does that even mean?

[stutters] I don't know. I
thought you'd be okay with it.

So I'd be a dude dating someone who's...

Whatever.

What does that make me?

I don't... I don't know. Does it matter?

Yeah... I mean, I like girls.

I thought you liked me.

- So what are you saying?
- I'm confused.

I mean, I want you to be happy, but...

this is too much for me right now.

[cries]

He didn't like it.

I'm sorry.

Do you wanna change? I have
an extra glam kit in my locker.

No.

This is me.

I guess if he loves me,

he'll come around.

But I'm not going back.

Not for him. Not for anyone.

[chuckles] You're a total
badass, you know that?

- I couldn't have done it without you.
- [chuckles]

Whoa. You look pretty happy
for someone who just got dumped.

Well, she, uh... she
didn't break up with me.

So what happened?

I think... I kind of
have two girlfriends now.

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

Yeah, well, we were over at
Frankie's house, and, uh...

some stuff happened.
Like, for real this time.

This has gotta be some
kind of trick, dude.

Or a test that you're
definitely failing.

No, I don't think so.
They were pretty chill.

What about school?

[chuckles]

What... what about next year?
I mean, what are you gonna do?

I'll figure that out.

I got more important
things to worry about now.

[upbeat music playing]