04x16 - Mr. Monk Gets Jury Duty

[bunniefuu]

(Disher) Out of the way!

This is Disher. We're in pursuit on foot.

West on Jackson!

Suspect is armed and dangerous.

Out of the way!

He's wearing a beige suit and a purple shirt.

I think it's purplish.

It might be lavender or mauve, I'm not sure!

Randy, nobody cares!

Request backup! Repeat, backup!

[sirens]

Freeze! Freeze!

Let the girl go!

Drop the g*n, Escobar! Put the g*n down!

Let the girl go, Escobar!

I swear to God, I'll k*ll her!

I'll k*ll her!

Let the girl go.

You put the g*n down now!

Okay.

Put it down. Okay.

Put it down. Okay.

Ugh!

That's him.

That's Miguel Escobar.

We just saw him on the news.

He's the number one most wanted man.

Yeah, not any more.

Can you do me a favor, Captain? Shut up.

Call my fiancee.

And tell her that the wedding's still on.

And don't cancel anything.

Tell her I'll be back home in Bogota, Colombia real soon.

[Randy Newman ragtime theme]

* It's a jungle out there

* Disorder and confusion everywhere *

* No one seems to care

* Well, I do

* Hey, who's in charge here?

* It's a jungle out there

* Poison in the very air we breathe *

* You know what's in the water that you drink? *

* Well, I do, and it's a-ma-zing *

* People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time *

* If you paid attention, you'd be worried too *

* You'd better pay attention or this world we love so much *

* Might just k*ll you

* I could be wrong now

* But I don't think so

* 'Cause it's a jungle out there *

* It's a jungle out there *

Good morning.

Picked up your mail.

What is going on?

Oh, I'm having fun.

I love this stuff. Yeah, so I see.

You know, I usually don't like shaking hands, but I ever met the man who invented Tupperware, I would shake his hand.

I think he might be dead.

Well, I would still shake his hand, because he's probably perfectly preserved.

Look, it's virtually airtight.

Look at this.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh what?

Uh-on nothing. I'll show you later.

What?

What...what is that?

Don't worry, you don't have to report for weeks.

Report for what?

I've been drafted?

They've reinstated the draft.

Ah, I'm gonna have to shower with...naked people.

Naked.

Naked naked...men with...

Okay, Mr. Monk, you're not being drafted.

You have jury duty!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna get picked.

Mr. Monk, you're not gonna get picked.

You're an ex-police officer.

You have tons of friends on the force.

I've been to plenty of trials.

Ex-cops get picked all the time.

I can't believe they're still renovating this place.

They should put up a sign, "Your tax dollars not at work."

Mr. Monk, you're not moving.

I'm not? No, you're not.

Here we go.

Here we go. Go on.

There you go.

You're walking.

Look at you.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm gonna get picked.

Mr. Monk, you're gonna have to take off your belt.

Ah, I was going to anyway.

To hang myself.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great system.

It really is the best justice system in the world.

I agree.

I just don't wanna be a part of it.

Mr. Monk, what if everybody felt that way?

Everybody does.

Mr. Monk, I don't understand.

You dedicated your life to fighting crimes, right?

Solving mysteries.

Sending guilty people to jail?

Well, you can do that here.

That's what juries do. It's the same thing.

But I work alone. I'm a lone wolf.

You're a lone wolf?

Even when I was on the force, I didn't really like having a partner.

I can't work with other people.

Okay, well, I think that's kind of sad.

I agree. It's very sad.

You know, I hope you do get picked.

I think it'd be good for you.

Don't say that.

You know, you work with different kinds of people.

You know, you listen to their opinions.

Argue, compromise.

Thank you, Natalie.

I know you mean well.

I'd rather be sucked out of an airplane window.

(female reporter) Good afternoon, I am live from in front of...

Look, it's the Captain.

...where Miguel Escobar is scheduled to arrive any moment--here he is!

Sergeant! Sergeant, excuse me.

Can we get a word, please?

Sergeant! Sergeant Stottlemeyer!

Actually, it's Captain.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer, with three Ts.

Four, if you count the one in "Captain."

(reporter) Escobar has already escaped twice.

Do you think he'll try again?

We're taking every precaution to avoid that.

Isn't that what they said last time?

I wasn't in charge last time.

Well, what are you doing to ensure--

(jury clerk) Hello!

Did everybody sign in?

If I call your name, you are required to come back tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. and report to room 302.

If you do not hear your name... you are excused.

Here it comes.

Adrian Monk!

There it is.

Yes!

Is this a bad time?

Yeah, it is now.

Randy, you remember Special Agent Lapides.

Actually, I'm not alone.

I'm here with the Attorney General.

The Attorney General of the United States?

He's in here. You wanna read it?

I don't need to read it.

I'm not giving you Escobar. No way.

No how.

Leland, this case is bigger than San Francisco.

Escobar was supplying dr*gs to seven states.

Yeah, but we caught him here.

You're damn right we did, and we got him on homicide.

Right here in the city of San Francisco.

This case represents three years of my life.

Well, you have the thanks of a grateful nation.

But it's a done deal.

A Federal indictment's already been filed.

We're gonna try him first.

Sons of b*tches.

There's an extradition hearing on Thursday.

Here's how it's gonna work.

You baby-sit Escobar until then.

You bring him to the courthouse.

We meet you in the lobby.

You drop him off. You go home.

What's that, sir?

Yeah. I'll tell him.

The Attorney General says, "Don't screw it up."

Mr. Daughtry, it says here that you've been excused from jury duty three times before?

I got a business to run.

Well, you're gonna have to find someone else to run it.

The defense accepts you, so does the prosecution.

So do I.

Have a seat, you're juror number 10.

Okay, next. Stand up.

(court clerk) State your name.

Uh, Natalie Teeger.

Spell it.

Oh, no, I wasn't called.

She's my assistant, Your Honor.

And you are...

Adrian Monk.

Capital A. Small D, small R.

Small I, small A, small N. Space.

Thank you, Mr. Monk. I think we have it.

Your Honor...

I will not be able to serve today.

Unfortunately.

For a number of reasons.

First off...

[blows nose]

There's the bathroom situation.

I can't share a bathroom.

I just can't.

You can ask Natalie. Natalie?

Yeah, he's persnickety. He's very persnickety.

He's persnickety squared.

And I have special dietary needs, Your Honor.

I can't eat food unless I actually see it being prepared.

That's true, Your Honor.

Anything else?

Yes, sir.

I have two plants at home that are completely dependent on me, Your Honor.

Plants.

I have a fern.

And a small azalea bush.

And you have an assistant.

Can't she water the plants?

Good question, here's the thing.

She has a tendency to overwater.

Okay, that is not true.

That happened once. It was two ounces.

Two ounces to an azalea bush is like a swimming pool, Your Honor.

Mr. Monk, I have seen hundreds of people pretend to be disturbed to avoid jury duty, but you, sir, are in a class by yourself.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Well, it's not gonna work, sir.

You have a seat, Mr. Monk.

Objection.

You are juror number 11.

It's okay, Mr. Palmer. Take your time.

Could you show us exactly where you were stabbed?

Right here.

In the thigh.

Mr. Monk... you have to look!

(Judge Rienzo) Number 11.

Evidence is presented, sir, for you.

(prosecutor Fox) What did you do then?

I was bleeding pretty bad.

So I grabbed an old towel out of my car.

There was one on the floor.

And I pressed it against the wound.

[cell phone ringing]

Whose phone was that?

It's hers, Your Honor.

Number 3.

And she fell asleep.

The old number 8.

Nobody likes a tattletale, Mr. Monk.

I think number 9 is a tattletale.

That'll do, Mr. Monk.

Proceed...

Mr. Fox.

What happened after you were stabbed?

He grabbed my deposit envelope and took off.

Carl, is the person that stabbed you at that rest stop, took your money and ran away, in this courtroom today?

Yes, sir. He's right there.

[sneezes violently]

[sneezes]

What are you doing?

He needs a wipe, Your Honor.

Sit down, Miss Teeger.

Sit down!

If you interfere with the jury again, I will have you arrested for tampering and contempt. Understand?

Yes, Sir. Sorry. [clears throat]

Let the record show that the witness has identified the defendant Robert Perry.

Oh, my God.

No cell phones are allowed.

You'll get 'em back when you're done.

I'll be down the hallway if you need me.

Just ring the buzzer.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Okay.

What did you think?

I thought it was pretty interesting.

Very interesting.

I filled up three notebooks.

What are you doing?

I'm just making them even.

So we can all concentrate.

And not be distracted.

By uneven Venetian blinds.

Okay, everyone, let's get started.

I've done this before, so, uh, I would be glad to be our foreman if there are no objections.

No. No.

All right, great, well, let's all have a seat.

Actually, it'd be best if we all sat in order.

If you don't mind, I'm juror number 7 and...we'll go this way. Number 8...

And so forth. Okay, great.

You look happy.

This is very exciting for me.

I feel like a real American.

Excuse me? Yeah?

Do you mind if we traded seats?

Why?

I'd rather be number 10. My favorite number.

It's kind of important.

Look, the guy is trying to change seats.

You know what, pal?

Nobody's trading anything with you.

Now sit down, okay?

I mean it. Sit, okay?

So I've been on a few juries.

And it's customary to start off with a preliminary vote by secret ballot.

Just to see where we all are.

Any objections?

None.

Great.

Anybody mind if I, uh, smoke?

[all minding]

All right, all right, all right.

I'm not the one on trial. Okay, folks, huh?

Just pass 'em down, please.

All right, well, let's do this.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Wow, that was easy.

Guess I'll be home for dinner.

Wait a minute, that was only 11.

Who didn't vote?

Smudge.

You gotta be kidding.

Thank you.

It's no problem.

Not guilty.

[all griping and groaning]

That makes it 11 to 1.

You know, there's always one, isn't there?

There's always one.

Do you really think he's not guilty?

I don't know.

Of course he's guilty.

Look at the evidence. They found the Kn*fe.

The Kn*fe he used. In his knapsack.

Plus, the victim identified him.

I mean, what more do you want?

I don't know, I have a feeling there's more to it. It's a feeling.

I would just like to think about it for a while.

[all grumbling and arguing]

I'm gonna need you all to be quiet.

[all grumbling]

To concentrate. Shhh.

I'm gonna walk around now.

And pace back and forth.

Then, when I'm ready, I'll tell you the solution.

That's how it works.

No. No way.

You're not alone here.

You have to talk to us.

Tell us what you're thinking.

That's not how I do it.

I have a system. It's a gift and a curse.

Here's the thing, I don't like working with partners.

Well, like it or not, you've got 11 partners now.

Pay attention, I'm only gonna say this once.

Escobar's hearing is tomorrow at 12:00 noon.

We lock this joint down tonight at midnight.

Every exit, every window.

1:00 a.m., we sweep for bombs.

Head to toe.

6:00 AM, I want sn*pers on this roof and on the roof next door.

We arrive at 11:30.

11:40, we meet Lapides at the elevator and hand him off.

After that, he's the Bureau's headache.

Sir, could you repeat that, please?

Yeah, what part?

Uh, everything after "Pay attention, I'm only gonna say this once."

[knocking on door]

Exhibit 15B.

Thank you.

What's he doing now?

We're not sure.

Did you talk to the judge?

(Bailiff) He says it's too late.

He's already sent the alternates home.

You're stuck with him. [chuckles]

[sneezes]

[sneezes]

Bless you. Thank you.

Excuse me.

Would you mind trying these on?

What for?

You're about the same height as the victim, and I just wanna try something.

It'll just take a minute.

What do we got, a fashion show?

You believe this guy?

We know that these are the pants... that the victim was wearing when he was att*cked.

Could you step up, please?

Of course, you can see where the Kn*fe went through the fabric.

Well, something doesn't add up.

I noticed Mr. Palmer likes to wear his pants low.

In the courtroom, we could almost see his... bottom part.

Rear posterior. Side...

His butt?

Thank you.

Look at the wound.

He was actually stabbed in the upper thigh.

It doesn't match up.

He's right, look at that.

At least, not when he's standing.

Could you have a seat, please?

Son of a bitch.

He was sitting down.

What does that prove?

Mr. Palmer said he was standing up when he was stabbed.

He was lying.

I think he pulled into that rest stop, saw Robert Perry, who was sleeping.

Stabbed himself, pocketed the money, and then blamed everything on Perry.

I'm switching my vote... to Not Guilty.

[all expressing disbelief]

(Patel) We should listen to this man.

He was a very brave man to stand up against us all.

[dog barking]

(postal worker) What about the DNA evidence?

You can't just ignore that.

They found the victim's blood on Perry's Kn*fe.

How do we know it was Robert Perry's Kn*fe?

He denied ever seeing it.

Of course he denied it.

What the hell do you expect?

Well, his prints weren't on it.

Well, then, he wiped them off, huh?

Look, it was in his knapsack!

What the hell kind of a detective are you?

I'm the kind of detective who wonders why someone would take the time to wipe down the handle, but not the blade.

[groans]

Also, the timeline is all wrong.

Robert Perry was picked up an hour after the as*ault.

Less than two miles from there.

So what?

He wasn't running away.

If I had just stabbed somebody--

Somebody moved that tarp.

Excuse me?

There's a dumpster down there with a tarp in it.

Yesterday the tarp was rolled up and draped over the side.

What does this have to do with us?

Or this case?

Or anything?

I'm sorry, you're right.

You're right. Okay, what's next?

The money. Okay, the money.

What happened to the money?

Maybe he buried it.

Lime.

Somebody poured lime all over that tarp.

I think there's a body down there.

Oh, we're never getting out of here.

[buzzer]

Hello, I'm number 11.

Yeah, I remember.

I know this sounds crazy, but there's a dumpster downstairs.

I saw a police dog sniffing around.

I think there's a body under that blue tarp.

(bailiff) Judge Rienzo said I should keep an eye on you.

He said to report you if you cause any delay or disruption.

Is that what you're doing?

No.

No, no. No.

No.

Natalie!

Natalie!

Mr. Monk, I brought your dinner!

I'm gonna leave it downstairs!

The dumpster!

What?

The dumpster!

It's Natalie.

There's a body in the dumpster!

You want a hot toddy and Munster?

I brought a Cobb salad!

There's a body in the dumpster!

I just got the Cobb salad!

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

There is a... dead.... body in the dumpster.

Call Captain Stottlemeyer!

Okay, wait, a body?

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

We should not listen to this man.

He is ruining America for everybody.

Tell me again.

I've been called away from the most important case of my career because...

Because Mr. Monk said he saw a body.

From up there. From the third floor.

While he was deliberating on another case.

(Disher) Captain!

We got a body.

Rope everything off. That side too.

Natalie, don't touch anything.

Well, he was right about the body.

People, whatever happened down there has nothing to do with us.

We still have a job to do.

Maybe we should take another vote.

Good idea.

Let's just see who stands where, all right?

Everybody back.

Now, just by a show of hands, who's still voting guilty?

Guilty.

Not guilty.

Six to six.

And we go into extra innings.

(Natalie) Mr. Monk, it's a woman!

She's about 60 years old!

Who is she?

No ID.

No ID!

No idea?

No ID!

No idea?

NO ID!

No idea?

No...I...

D!

No idea?

No...

Here here here.

I...

D!

No idea?

No ID! No ID!

No idea?

Check her identification!

No ID!

No ID!

Are those orthopedic shoes?

What?

Those shoes, orthopedic shoes.

Yeah, I think so!

I remember I saw her in the waiting room!

I think she's a juror!

What?

A juror! What?

A juror!

What the hell is that?

Looks like of your jurors leaning out of a window talking to a police officer.

I want that jury sequestered as of now.

[breathing deeply]

What are youse doing?

You were smoking.

I'm allowed to smoke. Read the sign.

It's keeping me awake.

You're gonna start a fire.

So there's no problem. You're awake, right?

[coughing]

If there's a fire, you'll see it.

And you put it out, right?

Hey, right?

Right. Right.

Don't be such an ass in the jury room.

[breathing deeply]

Good night.

Good night.

I'd like to confirm a reservation for tomorrow afternoon.

My reservation number is X73294.

Yes, flight 32 to Buenos Aires.

The two of us, me and my husband.

4:30.

Don't worry, we won't be late.

Lieutenant, my nose itches.

Forget it.

Ah, it doesn't matter.

I'll scratch it myself soon enough.

Captain, he just said he was gonna scratch his nose.

Okay.

The way he said it, it was like a thr*at.

He threatened to scratch his nose?

Lieutenant, bring the van around.

Let's get this over with.

Not guilty?

It's still 8 to 4.

Is that clock right?

(Teacher Juror) Number 11.

You've made some really good points.

I admit that.

But everything you said about the timeline, the location of the wound, is all circumstantial.

Exactly, what he's doing is he's taking the facts and he's twisting them around like a pretzel.

Now, where's the proof, man?

(Patel) We don't need any proof.

All we need is a reasonable doubt.

You know what I say?

I say we're at a deadlock.

And I say we go back in there right now and tell 'em we got a hung jury.

What is he doing?

I'm afraid to ask.

Excuse me.

Carl Palmer testified that after he was stabbed, he grabbed this towel off the floor of his car.

And he pressed it against his leg.

So?

Well, look at the stains.

They're symmetrical.

I don't think he just grabbed the towel.

I think he folded it... very carefully.

Before he used it.

[murmurs of recognition]

You know, so what?

The guy was a neatnik.

He was in pain.

He'd just been stabbed.

Nobody would stop and fold a towel.

That's right.

He folded the towel before he stabbed himself.

It was definitely self-inflicted.

I'm convinced.

Me too. Not guilty.

Thank you.

What about you?

Not guilty.

I'd like another vote.

Absolutely.

All of those voting Not Guilty.

I'm switching my vote... to guilty.

[all expressing disbelief]

What about the towel?

It means nothing to me.

The vote's 11 to 1.

Where are you going?

To the bathroom.

You got a problem with that?

Can you believe that?

No.

I can't.

You're a science teacher, right?

Mm-hmm.

Is this what I think it is?

It's lime.

That's what I thought.

I think number 12 m*rder*d that woman in the dumpster.

Why?

She needed to get on a jury.

I remember her talking to a woman in the assembly room.

I think she was looking for someone who lived alone with no family who wouldn't be missed.

k*lling somebody to get on a jury?

That's a first.

She's been looking at that clock all day.

That's right.

She's waiting for something.

She's stalling us.

She doesn't care what the verdict is.

Look, whatever way we vote... she will vote the opposite.

But in the first ballot, she voted with us.

That's right.

(Monk) But she was sitting next to me.

She must have seen how I was voting and went the other way.

I don't believe it.

I can prove it, I think.

But I'm gonna need your help.

Wait a minute, we can't just--

Yesterday, you said we were partners.

I can't do this alone.

What'd I miss?

(Monk) Well, we were just talking and...

Well, we thought about it, and we've decided that you were right.

He's guilty.

Really?

Yeah, we're all changing our vote.

In fact, let's make it official.

Who's voting guilty?

I'm undecided.

Just give me a few minutes.

What are you up to?

I have every right to change my mind.

I think it's time to call the bailiff.

Have a seat, number 11.

We're still deliberating.

Number 11, I have to thank you.

I had to keep everybody here in this room busy arguing for a day and a half.

I wasn't sure how I was gonna do it, but you made it easy.

(Monk) Don't mention it.

Why are you doing this?

She's helping her boyfriend escape.

She had to have a way to get into this building.

How about a little privacy, huh?

It's not even.

It's not even--

Shut up!

It's not even.

I've been waiting a long time to do this.

This is not...

[grunting]

[bell rings]

Listen, did you check upstairs?

There's a dropped ceiling--

Whatever it is, Captain, we got it covered.

Right.

Okay.

What's that?

It's your receipt.

Why don't you keep it... as a souvenir?

[muffled screams]

[knocking on door]

(Natalie) Mr. Monk, is everything okay?

[muffled screaming]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Mr. Monk, what happened?

[trying to talk]

What? Hold on.

Ah!

What?

I was saying for the love of God, please don't rip off the tape!

Are you guys okay?

Is everyone all right?

[g*nshots]

You did it, Preciosa.

[exhales]

[cell phone ringing]

Disher.

sh*ts fired, third floor.

Oh, God!

Give me paramedics on three.

We're in the North Wing. We have two agents down.

They're gonna be okay.

They were both wearing vests.

They went up.

Why would they go upstairs?

Can I borrow that?

Well, he didn't come through here.

Get somebody in the basement.

Get somebody in the basement.

Lock down the parking garage.

Disher.

Captain! Captain!

It's Monk.

Monk? Right here, this way.

Slowly. Calm.

Outside.

Look out! Look out!

Hello, Miguel!

And you must be the fiancee.

Aren't you supposed to be upstairs?

Some people will do anything to get out of jury duty.

Step down, please.

And this is number 6.

She didn't say much, but she was a very important part of the team.

Stay cool.

I will. I'll stay cool.

Yeah.

Part of the team, huh? Good for you.

Yeah.

And this is number 2. Natalie.

Hello.

You should listen to this man.

He is good for America.

And this is number 7.

We were kinda co-captains, really.

I mean, sort of.

And that's number 4.

He sorta hated my guts in the beginning.

You can admit it now.

I'll see you at the reunion, okay?

One year from today.

Benihana's.

You know, that's not gonna happen.

I think I'll stay and straighten up.

No.

Going.