07x04 - Mr. Monk Takes a Punch

[bunniefuu]

[Clanking sounds]

All right, home sweet home.

Hey, new poster. Huh.

What do you think?

He looks mad, don't he?

Yeah, 'cause he knows you're going home with the championship belt.

That's why he's mad.

Well, let's get started, huh?

Get the heart going.

[Coughing]

Hey, Eddie, what the hell are you doing here?

You been here all night?

I must have fallen asleep back there.

Jesus.

I hope to hell he didn't heave. I'm not cleaning it up.

Hey, lay off Eddie. He's my good luck charm.

Wasn't much luck five years ago.

That's ancient history, Eddie.

[Beeps]

Here, man.

Here's ten bucks.

Why don't you grab yourself some breakfast.

Something on a plate.

Not in a bottle.

Thanks, champ, put it on my tab.

I ain't the champ yet.

Yeah, well, you will be.

And I wouldn't worry too much about that fight next week.

He'll be sucking canvass.

I guarantee it.

You just gotta remember two things.

Lean into him.

Stay in his face.

And number two...

[Randy Newman ragtime theme]

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care

♪ well, I do

♪ hey, who's in charge here?

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ Do you know what's in the water that you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's a-ma-zing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention, you'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just k*ll you

♪ I could be wrong now

♪ but I don't think so

♪ 'cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

Thank you for coming.

Oh, you redecorating?

It's stolen art.

There's a rumor some guy in the city has been buying it all up.

We're supposed to keep an eye out for it.

Have a seat.

Is that why you're calling us in?

I wish.

You used to be on the track team in high school, right?

Yeah. You still run?

Sometimes. How often?

Never.

That's not very often.

No. What's going on?

There is a private detective in San Diego named Rafferty.

He works with the homicide squad down there as a consultant.

A couple of weeks ago, they were chasing down some creep and Rafferty had a heart att*ck.

Creep gets away. Now Rafferty's suing the city.

The city's suing Rafferty. It's a train wreck.

Okay.

So what does this have to do with, you know, me?

This is from Sacramento.

It is a statewide directive.

Effective a week from Monday, any civilian crime scene field consultant must pass a mandatory fitness test.

Fitness test?

The California physical agility test.

The candidate must run a half a mile in four minutes then climb ten flights of stairs, do 20 pull-ups, and then scale a six-foot high wall.

Or?

There is no "or."

There's no "or" on this page, monk.

Either you pass this fitness test or you can't work here anymore.

[Chuckling]

Where'd you get that suit?

Kevin Dorfman, it was a birthday gift.

I never thought I'd get the chance to wear it.

[Chuckling]

What's so funny?

[Chuckling] What's so funny?

That girl over there, she's just doing a funny dance.

Which one?

Um, in the green sweater.

She stopped now.

What kind of dance?

I don't know.

Like, a cowboy dance, a funny cowboy dance.

A cowboy dance?

[Laughing] Yeah, like...

Yeah, that's not a cowboy dance.

That's more like a happy prospector.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Why was she dancing like a prospector?

I don't know, Mr. Monk.

She's from a ranch probably.

Can we just forget that now and get back to this?

All right, come on, I have to run a half mile in four minutes, then I gotta climb that fence, do some pull-ups and then hit those stairs, right?

Right.

Okay, all right. Here we go.

Here we go.

On your Mark.

Get set.

Go.

Oh, god.

[Groaning]

Are you okay?

Don't stop the clock.

Are you okay?

I can do this. Don't stop it.

Just stay there. Just stay there.

Don't get up. Just stay there.

[Cell phone rings]

God.

Hello.

Yeah, no, we're at the track.

[Groaning]

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. We're on our way.

Wait, wait, Mr. Monk, there's been a bombing downtown.

We have to go now, okay?

So give me your hand. Come on, come on, come on.

Here, here, here.

One, two, three.

Okay.

Well, we found the detonator.

It's called a tumbler switch.

It's what they use in airbags. It's motion sensitive.

It's actually pretty sophisticated.

The b*mb was meant for me.

(Stottlemeyer) Yes, sir.

Your schedule's well-known.

You're always the first one here.

The k*ller figured you'd be the one hitting that bag.

Mister Regis, ray, machine, do you have any enemies?

Or have you received any threats lately?

Not lately.

Five years ago when I lost the title, it seemed like everybody wanted my head.

(Stottlemeyer) That was a tough night.

I thought you had him in the fifth.

Yeah. It wasn't my night.

(Disher) It's a tough racket.

I do a little boxing myself.

Light middleweight.

When did you box?

Remember the benefit for the police athlete league?

Took sergeant mulroney in nine rounds.

T.k.o. Left uppercut.

Stan mulroney, he retired 12 years ago.

We called him "pops."

That's right. He was older than me.

He was experienced. Wiley.

He had a cane.

And he used it.

Captain.

Yeah. Anything?

A whole lot of nothing.

He wore gloves and slippers. This guy is a ghost.

This the bag?

What's left of it.

The thread.

Sir?

When the k*ller put the b*mb back in the bag, he sewed it up, and he licked that thread.

You see it's all twisted up.

There should be DNA all over that.

I'll check it out.

Can we start packing up?

No, let's wait for monk. He should be here in a minute.

All right.

Adrian monk, the detective? He's supposed to be the best.

Best of the best.

He's kinda like a superhero.

He's good, but I wouldn't call him a superhero.

[Monk groaning]

I guess I stand corrected.

Looks like a big plum.

How'd it go?

It went good. You know, it was our first day.

So we're just warming up, but he's gonna do great.

Nah, I went about 30 yards.

Did you hit a wall?

I wish I had.

It woulda knocked me unconscious.

Adrian monk, ray "the machine" Regis.

This is his manager, Louie Flynn.

Mr. Monk, it's an honor.

When I heard you were coming, I said to myself, okay, we're gonna be okay. We're in good hands.

'Cause this guy monk will find Eddie's k*ller.

He's like me. He's a fighter.

He'll never give up.

This is my last case.

This is not your last case.

You weren't there.

He looks like a big, sad plum.

A half mile in four minutes.

No, no, no. That's part of it.

And it can't be done.

Yeah, people do it every day.

Mm... not people my age.

That's not true.

Not people my age with my body.

[Groans]

I knew I was getting old, but when did I get too old?

Adrian, I think you're being a little too hard on yourself.

I mean, you haven't run in... In what, 30 years?

[Groans] It doesn't matter.

[Groans louder] I can't do it.

Last night, I made a decision.

I quit. It's over.

I just... I'm giving up.

Just like that? Mm-hmm.

You're giving up being a detective?

Mm-hmm.

And any chance you'll ever have of being reinstated?

[Whimpers]

Adrian, we haven't known each other very long.

But I'm a pretty good judge of character.

And I know one thing for sure.

You're no quitter. Yeah?

Then how do you explain this?

I quit.

All right, what would you do?

How would you pay the rent?

Welfare.

Welfare?

That's your plan, huh?

What about Natalie? She's been depending on you.

What would she do?

Welfare.

We can be welfare buddies.

Adrian. Quitting is a terrible habit.

It's like a drug.

Once you start, it's almost impossible to stop.

I'm not even sure you're eligible for welfare.

You have to meet certain criteria.

You don't have to run half a mile in four minutes?

No.

Then I'll be fine.

Here you go.

Great! It's a nice mug.

Yeah, it's from my daughter.

But that mug is a lie.

I wasn't the world's greatest dad.

She was the world's greatest daughter, you know.

Rebecca.

She d*ed five years ago.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Well, life goes on.

And on, and on.

[Laughs]

Hey, where's your lady friend?

Oh, she's picking up her kid.

(Disher) Mr. Flynn?

Have you ever seen this man?

Mm-mm. No.

We found some DNA for Charles bach.

Ooh. Bach?

They call him the iceman.

Ooh. That doesn't sound good.

(Disher) Well, actually it suits him.

He's a professional hitman.

The FBI thinks he's k*lled 14 people.

(Stottlemeyer) It means that somebody with some very deep pockets has put a contract out on your boy.

Now, you said you and ray don't have any enemies.

Do you want to amend that statement?

No. Mm-mm. Nope.

(Disher) You know the Marino family, Mr. Flynn?

Frankie Marino?

Yeah, just from the newspapers.

Well, the iceman used to work for him.

You don't happen to owe frank Marino or anybody on his crew any money by any chance?

Hell, no!

We are clean. Ray is the clean machine.

You might want to think about that Lou, because this guy's not gonna stop.

He's a machine too.

We think he's gonna try again. We're thinking Friday night.

You mean... During a fight?

It would make sense.

We cannot protect him in the ring.

Are you telling me to cancel the fight?!

Forget about it!

We've been fighting five years for another sh*t at the title.

Ray is doing his job.

Why the hell can't you do yours?

Monk, do you have anything?

No, I'm good.

What's this?

Come here a minute.

Come here.

I just have a couple more questions...

Over here.

Okay.

What is this?

Application.

Monk, you're not going on welfare.

If you go on welfare, I will sh**t you.

Good.

I'll get more money, won't I? Why?

Because you're out of breath, your knees ache?

So that's it, huh?

After all these years, you're just gonna walk away.

Give up.

What would Trudy say?

No, let me rephrase that.

What is Trudy saying?

When I'm in the ring, people expect me to sweat.

But here at home, I'm supposed to be cool.

And sophisticated.

Thank you, hobbs.

So I use Max deodorant.

To give b.O. A k.O.

It's still a little garbled.

Let's take that last line again, hmm?

[Beeping]

So I use Max deodorant.

The k.O. On my b.O. Aah, sorry, sorry.

Sorry. Oh, ho-ho.

I'm not used to all these words!

Usually I let my hands do the talking.

Mr. M, what you doing here?

Ray, we have to talk.

He's a little busy right now.

This spot has to be on the air by September 1st.

This is all Louie's idea.

He said we should cash in now while we can.

Yeah. Uh, it's important.

Can you give us a minute? [Sighs] Okay, fine.

I guess we need a break anyway.

(Man) What the heck is going on?

'Ey, 'ey.

I can't believe you're watching this again.

Ah, this is a busted take.

We kept the camera rolling.

(Monk) Who's that guy?

He owns the house. That's his old lady.

She forgot to tell him we were going to sh**t there.

He came home, went postal.

Kept shouting, threatening everybody.

I wouldn't want to go 12 rounds with that dude.

Okay, playtime's over.

We'll be back in ten.

What's this?

You threw the fight, ray.

Five years ago, the title fight.

[Laughs] Come on, man.

You hear stories all the time.

I had Natalie's daughter do some research for me, on the world wide Internet computer web.

Don't worry, I didn't tell her what it was for.

What... see?

There's Louie Flynn. See?

And there he is again.

He's always wearing the same cross.

Okay, so his... His mother gave him that cross.

He said it was blessed by the pope.

Mm-hmm. And he has a habit.

He tucks it under his shirt whenever he's lying.

Here's the title fight. You see, he's tucked it away.

Like he's ashamed of himself.

That doesn't prove anything. Does it?

No.

No... But this does.

This is from what they call a website.

It's from a Swiss medical journal.

Right after the title fight, Louie's daughter flew to Geneva to have a series of experimental operations.

Cost over $2 million.

So where did he get all that money, ray?

'Cause your share of the purse wouldn't have covered it.

You and Louie bet against yourselves.

And then you threw the fight.

Right?

She was dying.

This was her only chance.

She was so young.

The mob must have lost a fortune on that fight.

If I could figure this out, it's possible that they did too.

And that's why they tried to k*ll you.

This is all my fault.

What happened to Eddie.

I was just hoping this Friday if I won...

That I'd prove something.

At least to myself.

They won't let me fight now, right?

So my life is over. Maybe not.

I... i still haven't told anyone about this, not even Natalie.

Why not?

I thought about it.

You've been punishing yourself for five years.

Maybe that's punishment enough.

[Groans] Thank you, Mr. Monk.

You're like an angel.

If there's anything I can do for you, well, now that you mention it...

There is something.

Don't tell me to relax.

He's supposed to be dead by now.

He is dead. He just doesn't know it.

You understand?

The clock is ticking on this.

I told you it's under control.

He won't finish the fight.

Just make sure my money's ready.

[Banging on door]

What?

(Man) Hello, Mr. Monk, it's time.

Ray?

Are you all right?

You wanted my help, remember.

Quid pro quo!

Quid what what what?

Pro quo!

I owe you, brother.

You gave me a second chance. Now I'm giving you one.

You're gonna pass that physical next week.

I guarantee it.

No, no. I didn't mean...

Here's the thing.

This is my first quid pro quo.

I didn't know they started this early.

Oh, it ain't early. It's 5:00 A.M.

Took the whole day off.

Told Louie I had to clear my head.

You know, after everything that's happened.

Drink up.

What is it? Don't ask.

Okay, but what is it?

It's called go juice.

Louie invented it 20 years ago.

It's got every juice and herb you can think of all mixed together.

Makes you go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

You're giving me a laxative?

When I say go, I mean like the wind.

Like the beast you were. And will be again.

You're a beast. What are you?

[Weakly] A beast.

What are you?!

[Louder] I'm a beast.

Let's do this!

Take it. Yeah.

[Groans] Oh, yeah. Hurts so good.

That's it.

That's it. Like a beast.

Come up.

You have this.

Let's get up there. Let's get there.

Pick it up.

All right, baby, you can do it.

[Indistinct dialogue]

Where you at? Where you at?

There you go.

Oof.

[Groaning]

That's it. Keep your balance.

Uh-huh.

I got you, I got you, there you go.

There you go.

Do it. Do it.

Let me see the beast.

The beast. Bring it faster.

Faster, boy. Come on now.

I know you got it. You gotta dig deep.

Do you want it? Do you want it?

Yes. Do you want it?

Let me see how... there it is.

Let me see you work.

Yeah! Looking good. The beast is in you.

Let me see that beast. Where's the beast at?

Oh, is that the beast fangs? Look at the beast fangs.

Oh, you're a bad man. You're a bad man.

[Knocking on truck]

Hello.

I'm looking for Frankie.

(Man) Johnny, it's okay.

The captain and I are old friends.

Friends is a funny word.

I'm looking for Charles bach.

Bach? The iceman?

He was on your payroll for ten years?

You wearing a wire, lieutenant?

How about you?

No. Okay.

Let's talk.

Why did I just get undressed?

I don't know, Randy.

Everyone in the room is wondering the same thing.

I haven't seen Charles in three years.

Not since my trial.

I heard he went freelance.

Is this about the fireworks at Louie's gym?

That's right.

There's a contract out on ray Regis.

There was a lot of money in play the last time he fought.

Some of it yours.

Frankie, you've been known to hold a grudge.

Not this time.

There was some talk on the street the fight might end prematurely.

We moved some money around. Adjusted the odds.

It was actually one of the biggest paydays we ever had.

I got no beef with ray Regis.

I am trying to save the kid's life.

I don't know very much.

Somebody was shopping a contract.

I don't know who, but it was serious.

He wanted it done by the end of the month.

By the end of the month?

The fight's on Friday. That's the 25th.

Why by the end of the month?

Weird, huh?

Yeah, weird.

Very weird.

Get dressed, Randy.

Ah! Yeah!

Hey. How did I do?

You finished. That was the main thing.

You ran that whole half mile.

Yeah, but how long? How long?

Adrian, it was just a test run. It don't really count.

Because it felt like five minutes, maybe...

Maybe six. Between five and six.

Well... 27 minutes?!

That's not possible. It's not...

This thing is broken.

Well, you kept rearranging the hurdles and touching everything.

That stuff adds up. [Groans]

I'll never do it.

Hey. Never say never.

Never say never.

That's the worst swear word there is.

You can do it and you will do it.

The beast is in you.

You'll do it when you have to do it.

When it's crunch time, you will reach down, deep down, and you will find it.

You're gonna find it.

And hopefully, I will too.

[Indistinct]

[Monk groans]

Mr. Monk, are you okay?

Oh, no.

(Disher) This guy's a contract k*ller.

We think he might already be in the building.

He's here because somebody wants ray Regis dead by the end of the month.

The end of the month?

Why... why not tonight?

I asked myself the same question.

I'm just telling you what I know.

Keep your eyes open.

If you see him, if you think you see him, do not be a cowboy; Call it in.

This guy's a pro. He's not going easily.

Let's go.

Hey, Bobby.

Take a break, will ya?

[Chuckles]

How ya doin'?

I'm hungry.

Hungry, huh?

Yeah.

Heh heh. Good. You stay hungry.

So... we both know you shoulda come away with that belt five years ago, right?

But, uh, what you did...

I mean, heh heh, what we did, we did it for Rebecca.

But now it's your turn, baby.

You are a champion.

You've always been.

A champion!

And after tonight...

Everybody's gonna know it.

[Door opens]

Excuse me, Mr. Regis.

This is officer chambers.

The police want somebody with you during the fight.

No way.

I don't know this guy. Forget it.

I'm sorry, but you can't go out there alone.

Captain stottlemeyer's orders.

[Cell phone ringing]

Hello.

Yeah. He's right here.

It's ray Regis.

Hello.

Uh-huh.

I understand.

Absolutely.

I-I'll be right there.

What's a corner man?

[Cheers and applause]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the rematch you've been waiting for.

Twelve rounds for the greatest title in sport.

The bfc world championship.

[Crowd roars]

In the red corner, at 210 pounds, the undisputed world heavyweight champion, the Duke of destruction, Carlos Geraldo!

[Triumphant music plays, crowd cheers]

And in the blue corner, at 202 pounds, San Francisco's own favorite son, ray "the machine" Regis!

[Crowd roars]

Clang!

Gentlemen, I want you to touch gloves.

Let's have a good, clean fight.

Okay.

Okay, punch him hard! Punch him fast!

Just keep punching.

Yeah, he knows, he knows.

He knows about punching.

What the hell are you doing? Leave him alone!

[Bell clangs]

Punch him! Leave him alone!

Clang!

Go for the ribs!

Don't let that bastard breathe.

Go for the combination.

Left-right-left.

Left-right.

You got it, baby! You're gonna win it. Try this... try this...

Left-left, right-right. Huh?

Left-left, right-right, left-left. Don't listen to him!

Hit him with both hands at the same time.

Punch him! Punch him! [Bell clangs]

[Bell clangs]

All right, baby! All right.

Beautiful, he's out to lunch.

He's looney tunes.

He doesn't even know you're cold-cockin' him.

You got him! You're gettin' better.

Heh heh, you...

What the hell are you doing?

Hold on. They're not even.

Huh? I got it.

Get the hell outta here. [Bell clangs]

All right!

Mr. Monk, you can't do that!

You can't be in there. Get back.

Oh, mister... Oh, god! I can't watch.

Punch him! That's what you're here for!

[Shouting]

[Bell clangs]

Is he okay?

He's sweating like a pig.

He's supposed to sweat.

All right, hold on.

Now what the hell are you doing?

[Mumbling]

Stay here.

Stay here.

Stay here?

Natalie, do you have any deodorant?

Deodorant?

For Regis. It's a perspiration problem.

No, Mr. Monk. Who cares?

Hurry up! Just get...

Hurry up!

The bell's about to ring.

Connie, they want us upstairs.

Skybox number five didn't get their food.

Here.

Natalie.

What? There.

Oh, my god. [Bell clangs]

We have to stop the fight... no! No!

No, no, no. We don't want to give them a stationary target.

Call the captain!

Oh, my god!

[sil*ncer g*nsh*t]

Drop it!

(Emcee) Congratulations, ray Regis, the new heavyweight champion of the world!

Whoo!

All right!

What?

What? You got up here so fast!

You got up here in only 90 seconds.

That's impossible.

Oh, my god!

Still need this?

It was him or us.

The sad thing is that we'll never know who hired him.

So I use Max deodorant.

No, it's stolen art.

There's a rumor some guy in the city's been buying it all up.

We're supposed to keep an eye out for it.

Are you filming this!?

Come on, get... get out of here!

Turn everything off right now and get the hell out of my house!

This spot has to be on the air by September 1st.

He is here because somebody wants ray Regis dead by the end of the month.

We got him.

We got who?

The guy who wanted Regis dead.

Remember the art gallery you had on your wall?

Yeah.

They're authentic.

One was stolen nine years ago from a gallery in Madrid.

And two are from a museum in venice.

He was worried that somebody would see the artwork on TV and recognize it.

But he knew that if ray Regis were dead, they would never run the ad.

So he hired that terrible, terrible man.

Hey, nice collection, Daniel.

Too bad none of it's yours.

You should have just kept it all in your basement.

It's fine art, lieutenant.

It's meant to be savored.

I never imagined my bride would invite a TV crew into my house while I was out of the country.

You didn't tell her it was stolen.

In hindsight, maybe that's something I should have mentioned.

Yeah. Get him outta here.

Guy went through a lotta trouble for nothing.

I mean, nobody even watches commercials anymore.

(Monk) Is that right?

(Natalie) It's called TiVo, Mr. Monk.

People just zap right past it to get to the good stuff.

That makes sense.

Yeah! All right!

Heh heh! All right!

Ha ha ha ha!

Gotta go.

Hey, whatcha doin', taking a break?

You think winning that championship belt means you can slack off?

Winning the gold belt was the easy part.

Keepin' it is what's hard.

Okay, I love you too, Louie.

[Monk roars]

Uh-oh. Mr. M!

How'd it go?

Ah! If there was ever any doubt, I am the beast.

I am the beast!

He did everything... the wall, the pull-ups, the run.

All under seven minutes.

And that includes touching three mailboxes!

I am the champion of the world.

Looks like you got some competition, ray.

Absolutely.

I see.

Absolutely. You make have met your match, machine.

Uh-oh. Come on, let's do this.

I ain't afraid of you.

Hey, Mr. Monk, you are afraid. You're afraid of everything!

Not today!

Come on, champ! Let's see what you're made of.

Try and tag me.

I don't want to tag you.

Why don't you let me buy you a drink.

A drink?

A drink? I'll give you a drink of this.

Mr. Monk, please.

Natalie, would you help me out?

Whack! [Monk moaning]

[Gasps]

Oh, my god.

Mr. Monk, are you okay?

(Louie) Don't worry. He's gonna be all right.

Let's get him home. My car's outside.

(Ray) Come on, beast.

Come on, come on, big man.

I ain't afraid of you.

I know you're not.

I'm the beast.

Yeah yeah, you're the beast.

Watch your head, now.

Watch your head, beast.