08x13 - Mr. Monk Is the Best Man

[bunniefuu]

Okay. Here's your paycheck.

Plus your expenses.

All right, who says crime doesn't pay?

Okay, I sign here...

And I just need your initials.

Just your initials.

You don't need to sign it, just your initials.

"A" and an "m".

Hi. Both: Hi.

My, look at you! You look spectacular.

Thank you. Mr. Monk, tk is here.

Doesn't she look great? Oh, yeah.

What's the occasion?

It's our six-month anniversary, so Leland's taking me to la pasteria.

Ooh, very nice. Have you been there?

No, that's how nice it is. Oh, my god!

What?

He wants to marry you.

He's going to propose to you tonight.

What are you talking about?

There's something in his pocket, he's been patting it all day, it's about the size and shape of a ring box.

Plus, he trimmed his mustache two days ahead of schedule.

And he's been talking to himself just now.

I'll bet he's rehearsing. Oh.

Plus, he's flossing his teeth, which is something he never does!

[Giggling]

Oh, my god, Leland!

[Whispers] Congratulations!

Mr. Monk, you ruined the surprise.

No, I didn't. I'm very surprised.

Wait, here he comes. Don't let on.

Don't let him know that we know.

[Clears throat]

Hey, hey. Hi.

You look great.

It's 6:30, so we should get... Going.

[Giggles]

Are you okay?

[Crying]

Why is everybody crying?

[Sniffs] No reason.

[Sniffs]

You two have fun.

What's going on?

They figured it out. That you're proposing.

I wonder how.

What do I do now?

[Sighs]

I guess I'll just do it here.

Wait, no. No, no, no, no.

Just let's just wait till we're alone.

And I wanna hear the whole speech.

And... and everything that you've planned.

Oh.

Is that a "yes"?

Well, you'll just have to wait and find out.

[Laughing]

Wait, can I just take a peek, just a little peak?

Oh! [Laughing]

Looks like we're going to a wedding.

[Randy Newman ragtime theme]

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care

♪ well, I do

♪ hey, who's in charge here?

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ Do you know what's in the water that you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's a-ma-zing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention, you'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just k*ll you

♪ I could be wrong now

♪ but I don't think so

♪ 'cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

You all right? Yes, sir.

I'm sorry, lieutenant, I've never seen anything like it.

Think they k*lled him first? God, I hope so.

Peters, any I.D. At all? Fingerprints, anything?

You need fingers for fingerprints.

♪ Heaven

♪ I'm in heaven

♪ and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak ♪

[chuckles] How you doin'?

♪ And I finally found the happiness I seek ♪ Hey there, Kevin.

You look good. You losing weight?

Good deal.

♪ When we're out together dancin' cheek to cheek ♪

[breathes in] Hey, I smell ribs.

It is ribs.

You're in a good mood this morning.

I'm in a great mood.

I'm getting married in nine days, can you believe it?

♪ Heaven I'm in heaven ♪

♪ And my... holy monkey.

Yeah, a couple of hikers found him this morning.

Whew!

Any I.D.?

No. We got a boot.

One boot, everything else burnt up.

One boot? Holy monkey.

Figure it's a drifter sleeping in the park, some kids come by, they sh**t him, then set him on fire, found a nine millimeter shell right over here.

A couple of kids sh*t him first?

Yeah, I think so. His back wasn't as well done.

You know, uh, so he wasn't rolling around.

I think most people would, you know, roll around instinctively.

You know? Right.

We, uh... Found this too.

Rum, probably his own bottle.

151, that'll do it.

Whew. Any prints on the bottle?

No, wiped down.

Oh, kids would not wipe down the bottle, there's something wrong here.

Call monk, have him meet us at the morgue.

Yes, sir. You can cover that up now.

Uh, yes, sir. ♪ I love to go out fishing

♪ on a river or a creek

♪ but I do not love it half as much ♪

♪ As dancin' cheek to cheek

♪ oh, heaven

[walkie talkie chatter]

♪ Cupid was a g*n for hire

♪ took aim at Leland stottlemeyer ♪

♪ Who's love was wallowed in the mire ♪

♪ We love you tk stottlemeyer! ♪

♪ Mr. and Mrs. Stottlemeyer

[stops playing abruptly]

Sounds a little like light my fire.

What part?

The words.

And the music.

Why don't you just play the wedding march?

Yeah, I am... I am during the service.

This is for after. This is for the reception.

This is my gift.

It's either that or a trash compactor.

Can't go wrong with a trash compactor.

Uh, listen, monk, um...

Are you okay with me and tk? What?

I mean, about her name.

Oh, sure, I think it's great!

Everybody should have a Trudy in their life.

[Chuckles] Yeah, thank you, man.

That means a lot to me.

Um, there's something else.

I guess this is as good a time as any.

Uh, you and i... we go way back.

Probably some 20-odd... Or even... Mostly odd years.

Yeah.

So, I would like for you to be standing next to me...

Next Saturday.

Standing next to you?

Yeah, I'm asking you to be my best man.

Really?

Wow!

I'm... i'm... what am I? I'm... I'm surprised.

I'm flattered. I'm slightly apprehensive.

And I'm anxious, which... Well, I'm always anxious.

So that doesn't really... So is that a yes?

Yes. [Sighs]

Yes, absolutely. Okay.

[Laughing] Thank you.

I'll do my best to... Be the best best man a best man could possibly be.

I'm sure you will. [Laughing]

It's not complicated.

Your main job is to make sure you don't lose this.

I will not lose this ring.

I'm sure you won't.

No, I will not lose this ring.

Monk, I think you're bending it.

Yeah. [Door opens]

Oh, hello Adrian.

Hi, how are you? Hey, fiance.

Hey, yourself. What are you doing here?

Oh, my god, is that a person?

Yeah, it was a person, they found it in Colin park.

Well, who is it? Or who was it?

We don't know.

No, they took his wallet, everything's b*rned.

We'll be lucky if we can get a DNA match.

Oh, god, you have to do this every day?

[Chuckles] Honey, I don't teach kindergarten.

We knew this when we met.

Hey, wanna take a walk?

Oh, I'm okay.

Actually, I have a favor to ask you, and it's a little embarrassing.

Okay.

Stephanie got arrested last night.

Who... who's Stephanie?

Stephanie Briggs, it's her maid of honor.

We're sisters, I mean, we feel like sisters.

Mm-hmm. What'd she do?

Nothing, it was just speeding.

Was she drinking? No, I swear.

It was just speeding, it was her third offense.

Okay, where did they take her?

She's here. Downstairs.

In a holding cell?

They wont release her until a judge comes in tomorrow.

So where's her car? The impound lot.

Okay, I'll see what I can do.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

You're my hero. Okay.

Thank you, mm.

Meet me out back in a half an hour.

Ah, smell that sweet air.

Oh, please, drama queen.

What were you in there for, like, 20 hours?

I thought I was gonna have to dig my way out.

[Laughing] She would not dig her way out, 'cause she'd be afraid she'd break a finger nail.

[Scoffs] Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

What the hell were you thinking?

You were going 75 miles an hour in a residential neighborhood.

It was an emergency, Leland, all right?

I had to get to the caterers before they closed.

See, she was doing it for us.

It's just a wedding, it's not worth getting k*lled over.

We ought to be getting married at the beach, just you and me.

Something simple in the sand. Dunes and flip flops.

The wedding's not just for us, it's for the families.

You're the boss.

That's my tuxedo, thank you very much for picking that up.

Yeah, maybe I should check it, make sure it's right.

Oh, I'm sure it's fine.

I rent from these guys all the time.

I can't wait to see you in it.

Oh, that's nauseating, I wanna go back to prison.

[Laughing] Bye, drive safely.

I'll keep it under 100.

Cute.

You want me to hold the ring?

I got it.

Why don't you put it in your pocket?

Pockets rip.

How about a drawer?

Not reliable. Really?

I find drawers to be pretty reliable.

[Chuckling] I'd just worry about it.

You know, I'd obsess over it.

Probably end up carrying the whole bureau around with me.

You are taking this best man stuff pretty seriously.

So how's the bachelor party coming?

Oh, that's going great, great.

I already bought the beer. Mm-hmm.

And got a movie.

[Laughing] What?

I've never seen you so excited, it's like he proposed to you.

I know, that's how I feel.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

You know, it's almost midnight, I should really, really go home.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Gee, why don't you just sleep here?

Well, because I have work to do.

I have a deadline, i... i have to review seven blenders.

All right, they're just blenders.

Mm-hmm.

[Gasps]

Stay put.

[Panting]

[Sighs]

Curtis rudner... Isn't he a pediatrician?

He doesn't have a date? He's separated.

Well, in that case, I'm gonna move him over to table number three, right over next to me.

Look at that! Hello, Curtis, how are you?

Sorry, dibs. Actually, Natalie's bringing her own doctor.

Yes, lieutenant Steven albright.

He's in the Navy, he's a medical officer.

Very nice.

Ready? ♪ Dah da da da aw. Whoo!

Okay. Be honest.

Okay. What do you think?

Honey, if I looked that good, I would get married every six months, you know what I'm saying? [Laughing]

[Beeper goes off] Oh, no, is that the time?

I have to go, I have to meet Mr. Monk at the crime lab.

God, how do you do it? Do what?

Your job. How do you live with it?

The blood, the anger, the victims.

How do you get used to it? Oh, well, I'm not used to it.

I hope I never am.

Don't tell Leland, but after the break-in last week, I didn't sleep for two days.

Honey.

I'm serious.

I don't know if I can be a cop's wife.

[Sighs]

Monk, the evidence is over here.

Randy, go get him.

It's a mixed arrangement, they're supposed to be mixed up.

That's the centerpiece for the tables at the reception.

Thank you.

Okay, we have a victim founded in Colin park.

He was sh*t once and then b*rned.

I read the file, so where are we?

Still unidentified.

Randy, what do we know about him?

Well, we know he was... Flammable.

That's pretty much it.

And this is it?

That's all there is. Hey, I'm looking forward to coming to the bachelor party tonight.

What time should I get there?

6:00.

Bachelor party starts at 6:00?

Be there or be square.

All right, let's see.

We have a work boot, size 12 1/3, maybe 13.

So he was tall.

And slightly bowlegged.

The wear on the heel, it's uneven.

You getting this down, Randy?

Uh, yes, sir.

What is this?

Thorn.

There's no break.

I think it was cut.

And this...

What is that?

Green styrofoam.

I'll send this down to the lab.

We're in the lab.

Then I'll just put it right there.

You know, I can hold that ring.

I got it. I... Got it.

Truth is, I might not be needing that ring after all.

[Chuckles]

Tk's having second thoughts about the wedding.

Buyer's remorse.

What? What happened?

Well, the break-in at my house really spooked her.

It was just a b and e, some kid, didn't take anything, probably a junkie looking for my piece.

Now I can't bring it in the house.

Wow.

New rule, I have to leave the g*n in the car.

Monk, for god's sake, would you leave it alone?

Green styrofoam.

He was a florist.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

[Robot voice] Tk Jensen, sorry about the mess.

Excuse me?

Sorry about the mess Friday night in Leland's house.

Who is this?

Tell your boyfriend I'll be stopping by again.

Maybe next time you will both be at home.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, Leland.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

You okay? You're shaking.

Oh, somebody just called me, and he said he ransacked your place, and he said he'd be back.

Just now on this phone? Let me see.

Did you recognize the voice?

No... it was weird. It was mechanical.

Electronic filter, could've been anybody.

Comptel. It was a pay phone.

He knew my name.

Don't worry about it.

It's no big deal.

Just some creep having fun.

I'll take care of it tomorrow.

Let's go home and lock the door.

What about the party? Forget about the party.

I'll cancel it.

You can't, it's your bachelor party.

Look, there's no way I'm gonna leave you tonight.

I'm fine.

I'll go to the office, I've got a lot of work to do anyway.

And there's 20 people there, I'll be fine.

No. You have to go.

No.

This means the world to Adrian.

He's been planning it all week.

Okay, I'll go. [Laughing]

Besides, the party's at monk's house, it'll be over by 9:00.

Leland...

Does this happen all the time?

Just tell me, is this gonna be my life?

No.

I swear this never happens.

Okay, does everybody have pizza?

Uh, there's nothing on it.

I know! I ordered plain.

Not even cheese? I ordered extra plain.

No fuss, no muss. And use your coasters.

All right, the large coasters go under the small coasters.

And there's trash bags in the kitchen.

Everybody gets one, I put your names at the top.

Monk, there's a bathroom in the bathroom.

Where do you want me to put it, Mike?

In the kitchen?

[Scoffs]

Great, thank you.

Well, you were right.

It came from a payphone, a gas station on vinton street.

Any prints?

No prints, no witnesses. What do you think?

Someone with a grudge, someone you put away?

Maybe, it's not a short list.

How's tk doing?

She's scared to death.

Excuse me.

Okay, all right, here we go.

Is everybody having fun?

You mean "is anybody having fun?"

[Chuckles] That's good, that's good.

All right, I would like to say a few words.

About our friend, Leland Francis stottlemeyer.

Whoo! [Cheers and applause]

Thank you, thank you very much.

Okay. And it goes like this.

"A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head."

[Laughing] There's more, there's more.

"The bartender says 'say, aren't you Leland stottlemeyer, "'whose first marriage was annulled after five days, "'and whose second wife, Karen, left him after 20 years?

"'And then you dated Linda fusco who was later convicted of first degree m*rder?'"

[laughing]

Wait, wait, "and then Leland says, 'that's right.'

"and then the bartender says, 'every relationship

"'you've ever had has ended in disaster.

"'And you wanna get married again?

"'You're crazy.

No wonder you have a duck on your head.'"

"and Leland says..." and Leland says, "I need a drink."

[Cheers and applause]

I get it, I get it. You're right.

Let's break out the booze.

Yeah, finally. Yeah.

All right.

And everybody gets a beer.

Hold on, only 12 bottles?

Everybody gets a beer.

Gentlemen, here's the situation.

We've got 12 bottles, which is 144 fluid ounces.

Which is enough for each of us to get a little sleepy.

Yeah!

Or for one of us to get good and polluted.

Designated drunk. Hey, I love the idea.

I'll get drunk.

[Cheers and applause] Right here.

All right.

We've started a new wedding tradition, a tradition that I hope is never repeated.

Yeah!

All right, I have a question.

I have a question.

Any of you guys... Like movies?

I'm talking about Hollywood movies.

Because I have found the ultimate bachelor party movie...

[Whispers] It's rated r.

Everybody here over 18?

[Chuckles]

No, seriously, are they?

Check it out.

Bachelor party.

[Laughing] It's actually called bachelor party.

Read the cover.

"Shocking, shameful." That's for you.

"Sinful."

[Laughing] Oh, my!

"And the party hasn't even begun yet."

Get it?

[Laughing] He spilled his beer.

It's all over the floor.

Now what are they doing, dancing on the roof of the car?

You can't make this stuff up, this movie's off the hook.

It's off the hook.

Oh, now what's he doing? He's throwing up.

It's only a movie, right?

Hey, monk...

I really appreciate this, but I'm worried about tk, and I wanna be there when she gets home.

All: Yeah.

Are you sure? Because I bought a pinata.

All: No. Hey, hey!

Who belongs to the crown Vic out front?

Well, is it green?

No, it's like a charcoal grey with flames on the side.

And on the roof and the windshield.

And on the... flames on the windshield?

Flames on the windshield.

[Laughing] I love this movie.

Hey!

Hey, that's my car!

Two engines are on their way, they'll be here in three minutes.

What is going on?

I have no idea.

[Mumbling]

[Sigh] How'd you sleep?

Sleep, what's that?

Tk won't come to my house, she doesn't feel safe there.

So we go to her place.

2:00 A.M., a car alarm goes off, she gets freaked out, we end up spending the night at the bayside motel on route 10.

She wound up crying all night.

Whoever this guy is, he's ruining my life.

Well, that's supposed to be my job.

Exactly.

Okay, I got the lab report on the car last night, no big surprise, gasoline accelerant.

Gas can? No gas can.

Witnesses? No witnesses.

[Sigh] So what do you think?

I think somebody's trying to scare you.

Yeah. But why?

I mean, it doesn't track.

If the guy wants a piece of me, if he wants to hurt me, why doesn't he come at me?

What's all this cat and mouse crap?

So who's on your short list?

I've been at this all morning.

Most of these guys are either in jail or dead.

Yeah, or both.

No. Nobody is both.

[Sighs]

What about Joey Knox?

Remember at that hearing, he kept saying that it wasn't over?

I already checked, Joey Knox is in Mexico.

But didn't he have a brother?

Yes, Joey Knox had a brother.

Great, thank you. Joey Knox...

And the brother's deceased.

What's that?

It's the burn victim from the park, we might have an I.D.

Been checking flower shops...

Remember monk found that green styrofoam?

Yeah, I remember, I was there.

There's a flower shop up in pacific heights.

One of their clerks has been missing since Tuesday.

Well, you and monk go check it out.

I can't go 'cause I'm trying to save my marriage here.

Yes, sir.

I'm trying to save my marriage and I ain't even married yet.

[Chuckles]

[Coughs] You smell that?

They should open some windows.

Mm, I think it smells wonderful.

I bet you heaven smells just like this.

I bet it doesn't. $20.

Hey, hi. Welcome to affinity.

I'm joy. How can I help you?

Are you the owner?

I don't like that word "owner."

You can't own a piece of nature, right?

Yeah, but your name's on the lease, right?

I mean, it's a store.

Ma'am, my name is lieutenant disher.

I'm from the San Francisco police.

This is Adrian monk, Natalie teeger.

Oh, this is about Charlie.

Yes, ma'am, Charlie Doyle.

You said he's been missing for a week.

Yeah, a week ago Tuesday.

How long did he work here? Three years.

He was my clerk, he made my deliveries, and it's not like him to disappear.

He was never even late.

Did he wear tan work boots? Yeah, sometimes.

And do you have an address for Charlie?

No! That is the thing!

I wish I did and I don't.

So you don't know where he lived.

No.

Could you check your records?

I'm sure it's on one of his w-2's.

I'm not gonna lie to you, I have to be honest.

I'm a truth-teller.

I don't think he ever filled out any forms.

I just paid him in cash once a week off the books.

He didn't believe in banks.

Well, that's against the law. Well, whose law?

Whose law?

Exactly!

So you don't even know if Charlie Doyle was his real name.

Well, I never asked him.

For instance, joy is not my real name.

It's just... [Sighs] How I feel.

Oh!

I knew it.

I knew it from the moment that you walked in here.

You are a butterfly orchid.

I am? Yes you are.

I believe that everyone has a special flower that speaks to them.

Sort of a floral soul mate, you know?

Mm-hmm.

I am, of course, a tiger Lily.

Excuse me.

[Laughing]

I think I scared him. [Laughing]

And you are...

A sweet little crocus.

Just a bud.

[Chuckles] I always felt like a crocus.

[Laughing] No, I'm not kidding.

Yeah! I'm always right.

And you are... Uncomfortable.

No, don't be uncomfortable.

Look around you at all the beauty in here.

Yeah.

You know, I think something is wrong.

Your aura is a very dark place.

Thank you.

It just doesn't have joy in it.

So let me think.

Randy, Randy. Your flower.

Ma'am...

Do you happen to have a picture of Charlie?

Oh, he doesn't like photographs.

He's a very private person, I respect that.

Mm-hmm. I know.

A thistle. Yeah.

Uh, no.

No.

A cactus! Okay, yeah.

What about fingerprints? Where exactly did Charlie work?

That's his station there.

All right. Mm.

Are these his shears?

Has anyone else touched them?

I don't think so. Just wrap these up.

Take the gloves too, they're rubber.

We can lift some prints off the inside.

I found it. Excuse me?

This is your flower.

It's plastic. Mm-hmm.

I love it.

[Laughing]

Hello.

Hey, this is my aunt Nora.

Hi, there. Pleased to meet you.

And my cousin Curtis from Seattle.

Hey, how are you? Leland stottlemeyer.

These are my boys, this is Max, and this is Jared.

Heard you guys had a rough week.

Oh, nothing we can't handle.

We never thought tk would ever end up marrying a policeman.

Well, I never thought I'd end up marrying a girl like tk.

[Chuckles]

Hey there! Hey, you remember Stephanie.

She's been my rock of Gibraltar.

Oh, hi. Oh, nice to see you.

Stephanie Briggs, you look younger than you did ten years ago.

Did you make a deal with the devil?

This is why I love weddings.

Are you kidding me? Thank you tk and Leland.

[Laughing]

You're not even gonna ask him?

No, Mr. Monk, it's crazy, don't mention it again.

Hey, how you guys doing?

Mr. Monk wants to walk tk's father down the aisle.

We're the exact same height.

I mean, how often does that happen?

Mr. Monk, I'm sure he would like to walk his daughter down the aisle.

Well, she can walk behind us.

Just ask him.

I'm talking about the exact same height.

Think how cool that would look.

Look, I've got some news.

I just got off the phone with Ralph toplyn from the FBI.

The missing clerk from the flower store, they ran his prints.

His real name is Martin kettering.

Kettering, I know that name.

Yeah, he's a fugitive.

He's been on the FBI's most wanted list for 12 years.

He was in some eco-t*rror1st group called the earth avengers.

I remember them.

They blew up a bunch of condos in Denver.

Yeah, which k*lled two security guards and a fireman.

This whole group, kettering and three others, they've been on the run ever since.

Is he the burn victim?

I just got the DNA test back.

It's definitely him.

Excuse me, if everyone's ready, I think we should get started.

I'd like everyone to line up just the way you'll be tomorrow.

[The wedding march on steel drums]

♪

Mr. Monk...

Mr. Monk, you're walking too slow.

Walk... normal.

So you think she'll go through with it?

Who? Tk.

She's scared to death, you know.

After the threats and the car bombing.

I couldn't marry a policeman even if I loved him.

And where's our best man?

Right here.

Are you angry about something?

No, that's the ring.

Ah.

Okay, yeah, we'll just wait until the music stops.

♪ Randy.

♪

[expl*si*n]

Hey, hey, hey! You okay?

Yeah.

Get everybody out of here!

This is Randy disher. We've got an expl*si*n at the church on the corner of vinton and third.

Where's tk? I don't know, I don't know.

Tk!

Tk!

Tk!

Tk!

Okay, what would you like me to do with this?

Let's sell it on ebay.

Mint condition, never been used.

[Sigh] Sweetie, i'm gonna put it in your closet, and I will also stop by the station so I can return Leland's tuxedo.

Thanks.

[Sniffs]

Everybody hates me. No, sweetie.

Nobody hates you.

Leland hates me. I can feel it.

Did you talk to him?

He offered to quit the force.

He did?

He gave me his badge.

I gave it back.

It's who he is.

He's a cop.

He bleeds blue.

He'd be miserable.

Then we'd both be miserable.

Spend our lives resenting each other.

What kind of marriage is that?

I gotta tell you, from what I've seen, it's pretty typical.

Okay, how about a drink?

Aw, I'd love to, but I can't.

When I look back on this 20 years from now, I wanna know that I was sober.

Okay, sweetheart, for what it's worth, I think that you made the right decision.

Leland is a great guy, but you have got to start thinking about yourself.

I mean, my god, you've been a wreck this week.

And you could not live like this.

Oh...

You don't agree?

My husband, Mitch, was a Navy pilot.

He was sh*t down in 1998.

Leland told me, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry too.

I'm sorry all the time.

But I'm not sorry I married him.

And you know, I've thought about this a lot.

Even if I knew then what I know now...

I still would've made the same decision.

We had eight years.

But I would've married him for eight minutes.

You know, there's risk in everything.

That's what life is.

It's all or nothing.

I guess I can take that ring back.

Not yet.

Monk...

It's over.

I happen to be an expert on the subject... well, I'm not giving up.

It's gonna work out, somehow.

You love her.

You need her. She's your answer.

She's my answer.

Where'd you hear that?

Trudy used to say it, my Trudy.

Besides...

I don't think I can open my hand.

[Knocking]

Stephanie Briggs.

I'm sorry, am I interrupting?

No. Are you okay, Leland?

No, Stephanie, I'm far from being okay.

Well, I will just be a second.

I'm running some errands, I've gotta call the minister, and cancel the caterer, I need to return your tux, take all the vases back to affinity, and, uh... Cleaning up the mess, huh?

Leland, I know this hurts.

And I'm really sorry.

But you'll find someone.

You've got your whole life ahead of you.

[Chuckles]

Now you're being cruel.

Hey, um... Would you tell her to call me?

Yeah.

I will.

I'm gonna find him, the guy that scared her off.

Him and me, we're gonna have a long conversation that kind of involves a lot of punching.

Affinity, the flower shop.

That's where she bought the flowers for the wedding?

Yeah, that's right.

Leland, that's where Martin kettering worked.

When was she arrested?

A week ago Tuesday.

That was the night kettering was k*lled.

Where did they pull her over?

Colin Avenue, a mile from the body.

Stephanie.

Got a minute?

Well, actually, I'm running a little late, Leland, can it wait? No, it really can't.

You say you've known tk for 12 years?

[Nervous chuckle] Yeah, more or less.

Where were you before that, you've never said?

Who were you before that?

You ever hear of a group called the earth avengers?

What are you talking about?

Martin kettering.

Is he a friend of yours?

Leland, listen, I know that you've had a terrible week... here's what I know...

I know we're going back inside, we've got a few things to talk about.

Okay, not today, Leland.

You see? Easy, easy.

I will k*ll him, I swear to god.

You both know what I am capable of.

So why don't you take out your g*n and throw it in the garbage can, and don't be obvious about it, please.

She's the guy, Leland. She's definitely the guy.

Okay. Stay calm.

She's the guy. Okay.

Okay, just stay calm.

Here, you take this.

You're gonna walk me to my car.

Here we go.

Put your hands down, just walk natural.

Walk like a normal person.

I bet you a week's pay that that's a nine millimeter.

It's the same g*n you k*lled Martin kettering with, isn't it?

What was it doing with my tuxedo?

That's what this whole thing has been about.

You were in that group with Martin kettering, and you've been a fugitive for 12 years.

Just shut up.

I already started, it's very hard for me to stop.

It's true, you have to let him finish.

Go ahead. I'll make it quick.

Here's what happened.

You reinvented yourself.

You had a good job, a new life.

Then a few weeks ago, you walked into that flower shop, and your past caught up with you.

He had a dead end job, he had nothing to lose.

You had everything to lose.

I'm guessing he wanted money.

You lured him to the woods.

What did you do, promise to help him?

You k*lled him. You b*rned the body.

You were safe again.

But then it all went wrong, didn't it?

On the way home... She got pulled over.

She still had the g*n, the m*rder w*apon.

She only had a few seconds to hide it.

This was your third speeding offense.

They impounded the car, and I took the bag up to my office.

She knew as soon as you opened that garment bag, you'd find the g*n, which explains the break-in.

She was looking for the garment bag.

When that didn't work, she got desperate.

The phone calls, the car fire.

She was trying to scare tk.

So tk would call off the wedding.

Are you guys done? Actually, no.

I have a little more... You're done. Get in the car.

Leland, you drive. You're in the back seat.

No, no, no, I never get in the back seat.

I only sit in the front.

That's true, he can't ride in the back... what is your problem? This is a g*n.

Leland! Tk!

I've been talking to Natalie.

I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking clearly.

What are you doing here? Just go home.

We have nothing to say. Just go home.

He doesn't wanna talk to you now, he hates your guts.

I just wanted to say... I love you.

I'm not leaving you again.

In that case, you're coming with us.

Get in the car, tk. [Gasps]

Not in the front, though, because I'm sitting in the... it's okay, it's not loaded.

Oh, it's not, huh?

[g*nf*re]

It's empty now.

Here's your clip.

You had one in the chamber.

You're under arrest. Turn around.

Ow, that hurt.

Good.

[Exhales heavily]

[Sigh]

Now are you gonna marry me or not?

Absolutely.

Trudy, do you take Leland to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Do you promise to love, honor, and Cherish him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?

I do.

I don't think I can open my hand.

Open.

Open.

Yeah.

There you go. Open up.

[Sighs] Good job.

I picked the right man.

And Leland, do you take Trudy to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Do you promise to Cherish, honor, and love her, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?

I do.

I now pro... Wait.

There's something else I'd like him to wear.

Can I have your wallet, please?

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Damn right.

[Applause] [Guitar playing]

♪

[laughing]

[The wedding march on guitar]

♪